Chapter Text
Kaeya feels his subconsciousness rouse from the dreamless sleep. He presses the side of his face into the pillow and pulls up the blanket to shield his eye from the sunlight filtering through the gaps between curtains into his room, not wanting to fully wake up yet. It has been a long time since he last had such a great sleep.
Apart from the slight ache on his right shoulder, which he supposes is caused by his sleeping posture, he feels great. No splitting headaches that come from drinking too much wine to numb himself. No nightmares that haun-
Wait.
Something doesn’t add up.
The last thing he remembers… he was standing on the balcony letting the cool morning breeze soothe away the aches of his eye…
He forces the rest of his mind to wake up. He rubs at his eye and wills his grogginess away.
“Good morning Kaeya, how are you feeling?”
He blinks and squints to locate the source of the soothing tone with his bleary eye. He yelps and abruptly sits up, pulling the blanket up in the process, as he stares at the man sitting on a chair next to his bed with a wide eye.
Zhongli frowns at his reaction. The man gets up from the chair and comes even closer to place a hand - an ungloved and bare hand - on his forehead.
“Are you still feeling unwell? You look quite red and your forehead feels hot. Perhaps a fever from spending too long on the balcony?”
His barely functioning brain manages to catch the last sentence of the consultant. “Th- the balcony?” He squeaks out and curses himself for not having better control over his vocal cord.
Zhongli removes his hand - thanks the Archons - and moves back to retrieve a glass of water from the nightstand and passes it to him. “I heard a loud thump and came to check on you. I found you collapsed on the balcony."
He drinks the water slowly to moisturize his dry throat while his brain processes the words that came out of the other's mouth. He puts the glass down on the nightstand as he thinks of his reply.
"I see… thanks. I am fine now, I just..." he trails off as he tries to recall what exactly happened on the balcony. Did he simply lose consciousness due to lack of sleep? And if he collapsed… well, at least he now knows where the aching of his shoulder comes from.
"-eya?"
He blinks and widens his eye at the worried and way-too-close face of the consultant.
Warmth seeps into him from the palm cupping his face. The warmth soon turns into an unbearable heat as his mind finally catches up on reality.
"Are you sure you are alright? You are heating up and spacing out again. You space out quite frequently. Is it normal?"
He closes his left eye to shut out those bright amber eyes and inhales deeply, trying his best to not give into temptation and lean into the palm.
A mistake, for it only heightens his other senses. Like how he can feel the light strokes of Zhongli's thumb on his cheek and how his lungs are now filled with the unique scent of the consultant. Yet he doesn't dare reopen his eye, fearing the mistakes he might commit if he stares into those ethereal eyes.
"Kaeya?" The deep rumbling baritone sounds ever closer. The way his name is whispered, coupling with the warm breath fanning against his face, sounds wet in a way that makes him even dizzier.
There is no Hu Tao to interrupt them today. They are alone in the privacy of his room now, so he has to be the one to do something about- about this . He needs to say something, anything , to put some distance between them. NOW.
"Too close." He breaths out, not trusting his voice to speak too loudly.
"Huh?"
He takes in another shaky breath. "You. Too clo-"
His sentence is cut off when something warm and soft suddenly presses against his lips. He opens his eyes and gasps when he realizes that Zhongli is kissing him.
A tongue slipped inside the moment his lips parted, deepening the kiss. He feels himself kissing back as he snakes his hands between their bodies and clutches the front of Zhongli's suit.
A moan escapes him when the man's tongue finally leaves the inside of his mouth to lick and nip on his lower lips. The hand caressing his cheek moves to the back of his neck.
He yelps when he feels a sudden pull on the lower half of his body and the back of his neck making him slide down to lie on the bed. The tongue once again uses the chance to slip inside and continues mapping the inside of his mouth.
It's getting more and more difficult to breathe when Zhongli finally stops kissing him. The man pecks at the corner of his mouth before licking a trail downwards. To his chin, his neck and finally his collarbone.
He places his hands on the other's shoulder, what's left of his logical mind is telling him he should push the man away, but he is unable to summon any strength and can only simply let his hands hang limply onto the board shoulders of the consultant. "Zho- Zhongli, wai-"
His sentence is cut off by a moan when teeth gnaw at his collarbone and a hand starts pushing his garment away.
He really should push the man away, but it feels so good…
The licks continue downwards until a warm mouth closes around his left nipple. He uses a hand to muffle his voice as another long moan leaves his mouth when Zhongli starts showering his nipple with the same attention the man gave his bottom lip just now.
His other hand is still limply hanging onto Zhongli's shoulder as a shudder goes through his body and he moans wantonly into his hand when the man blows onto his wet nipple before giving it a final lick.
He involuntarily whines when the man suddenly stops and gets back up to look at him, a thin trail of saliva still hanging from the corner of Zhongli's lips.
The way those ethereal eyes look to be almost glowing makes him shiver. The man slowly pulls the hand covering his mouth away and kisses him again, but it's a much softer kiss this time. The warm hand that captured his hand laces their fingers together. Their joint hands are pushed against the bed beside his head.
He opens his mouth when he feels a tongue swiping across his lips, asking for entrance. Their tongues dancing slowly in the warm cavern.
It's so soft and gentle. It's everything he would have expected from this amazing and sweet man he has fallen so hard for, yet at the same time so much more than anything he ever imagined.
The sensation is too much. The tenderness is too much for someone like him. He doesn't deserve this…
Zhongli suddenly pulls away with a panicked look. "Kaeya, di- did I hurt you?" The man brushes his fingers across his cheek to catch the tears he didn't know had escaped his eye. "I am sorry for losing control… I just… I love you so much that I… "
His sluggish mind becomes just a bit sharper at the sudden confession.
Zhongli… loves him? But…
"Please forgive me… " he feels the hand holding his own captive loosen as the man starts to get up. "I shouldn't hav-"
"No!" He cries out and uses what strength he has left to grip onto Zhongli's hand tightly, halting the man's movement. His mind no longer able to form any coherent thoughts as irrational fear, fear of the man going away and never coming back, grips at his heart.
"Please… don- don't go…"
His sight is blurred by the tears filling his eye. He closes his eye when he feels a warm hand caressing the right side of his face. He whimpers at the feather light kisses over his face, kissing away his tears.
Something is telling him to stop this, that this is not how it should go, at the back of his mind. But even that tiny voice is becoming more and more distant everytime the warm lips lightly touch his wet cheek.
The kisses stop and the lips leave him after his tears stop spilling from his eye.
That irrational fear comes back again and he quickly opens his eye to seek out the other man. Worried ambers stare at his own azure and the fear starts going away again.
"Kaeya, are you sure this is what you want?” The sheer warmth and worry carried in that question melts his heart. Yet he hates the way the dark brown brows are knitted together into a frown. “If you want me to stop-”
He throws in his remaining strength to pull himself up with his other hand that's still hanging onto the brunette's shoulder and kisses the man to cut him off.
When he wakes up again, he's no longer sweaty and sticky, but the aches over his body, especially the lower half of his body, tells him that that wasn't just a dream. So that means Zhongli, being the gentleman he is, has washed him after… He flushes as he recalls what happened before he lost consciousness.
This is so very embarrassing… how could he lose consciousness just like that…
It was not his first time with another man this way. But the way Zhongli made him feel… if this is what it feels to 'make love', then he's never going to have casual sex with another person again, not that he's going to do that again now that he and Zhongli are… lovers?
Are they lovers now? He hopes they are, but…
He touches the eyepatch covering his right eye. He has been telling himself time and time again that he shouldn’t get too close to the other man. That this will only end up being another disaster. That this will only hurt so much more when the secrets are out eventually…
Yet… he wants to savour this tiny happiness with the man he loves. He’s always been a selfish person, so why does it hurt to just think about continuing to lie to Zhongli?
The door to his room slides open and Zhongli slips in with a basket in his hand. The consultant glances his way and beams at him once he notices he's awake. "Good morning, Kaeya, or maybe I should say good afternoon."
The man puts the basket on the table. "I got some late lunch for us."
He slowly sits up, wincing a bit at the pain. Zhongli quickly closes the distance between them to sit on the bed beside him and helps him up.
"How are you feeling?" Warm hands sneak into the blankets covering him to knead his aching muscles.
He sighs contentedly and buries his face into the crook of the man's neck, greedily breathing in the unique scent of the man he loves so much.
A kiss on his temple. "Feeling better now?"
He hums and moves his head up and down without lifting his head from the comfortable position.
They stay like that for a while before he reluctantly pulls himself away from the other. He feels his heart melt again when he stares into warm ambers that are looking at him so tenderly.
He doesn’t want Zhongli to stop looking at him like this, but… he also doesn’t want to keep lying to this sweet man.
He needs to at least tell the consultant about his heritage.
"Zhongli, I…" He trails off and worries his bottom lips, only for the man to suddenly claim his lips in a kiss.
It is too much. The kiss is so very soft and full of love that it makes him feel all the more guilty.
Zhongli pulls back with a concerned look and brushes a hand against his cheek, catching the tears that are falling from his left eye.
"Kaeya, love, are you alright? Did I hurt you again?"
He closes his eye and shakes his head. "No, it's not you… it's me… I…" he opens his eye again to look at the consultant. "There's something I need to tell you."
He covers the hand caressing his face with his own and pulls it down to let them rest on his lap. A warm thumb immediately starts stroking the back of his hand in a soothing way.
He should look into those amber eyes when he tells the man the truth, he owes the other at least that much. But he is too scared and chooses to fix his gaze on their joined hands instead.
"Zhongli… I… I am from Khaenri'ah…" His heart clenches painfully when the stroking on the back of his hand pauses. But he can't stop now. "I'm sure someone who knows so much about history like you must have heard of Khaenri'ah and how… how that place is a nation full of sin-"
"Stop." He winces at the word.
A warm hand cups his face gently to tilt it upwards as soft lips start kissing away the tears on his face.
"Zhong… li… ?"
"Khaenri'ah is not a place of sinner," a kiss at the corner of his eye, "at least not to me."
Zhongli pulls away to look at him in… pain?... while the man's warm hand keeps caressing his face.
"Forgive me, Kaeya… if I knew this has been tormenting you so much, I would have told you sooner."
"Told me… what?"
"I knew you were from Khaenri'ah the day we met. I… also know about your right eye."
Zhongli knows… what? Knowing about his heritage is one thing… but… his eye… ? How-
"I also have something to tell you…" the warmth on his cheek leaves as Zhongli pulls his hand away.
"I am Morax."
Wha- what?
His mind blanks out as he stares into the eyes in front of him. Eyes that are full of pain and resignation. Eyes that look so ethereal that…
That they are overlapping with the eyes he has always been staring into in his dreams.
Amber eyes that make him feel safe and protected. Amber eyes that belongs to-
"Kaeya," he snaps out of his thoughts at the tone that's so full of guilt, "please forgive me. I should have told you earlier… but I was scared of your reaction."
There are no thoughts crossing his mind, yet he feels tired mentally as emotions assault his mind.
"It was selfish of me to do what I did this morning before I tell you the truth… but I… I love you so much that I couldn't contain myself."
"Why?" He whispers after what felt like an eternity to him. "Why would an archon want someone from a godless nation? Why would you want someone like me ? Or is this what the Geo Archon likes to do to his enemies? To break them mentally?"
"You are not, and never will be, my enemy. Kaeya, please believe me." The man pleads in such a pitiful tone that it's difficult to think of him as the feared God of Warrior.
He wants to believe him. He- he doesn't think the pain he sees in those eyes are faked. But…
The voices calling for his life and his brother calling him a traitor fill his mind. Is this what all that is about? That he's a traitor because he's fallen in love with Morax?
He's in love with the Geo Archon. He's in love with one of the archons he was supposed to kill. He's in love with one of the Gods that destroyed his nation.
Why? Why does something like this have to happen to him? Why can't Zhongli just be a normal person? Why?
But then another part of him is also telling him that he would never be able to be loved by a normal person, so shouldn’t he be glad that Zhongli is not just a normal person?
"Kaeya, please don't cry. I can't bear the thought of causing you distress."
Crying? Is he crying again?
"I understand if you hate me for lying to you… for taking advantage of you when you weren't feeling right this morning… I will respect your wish if you don't want anything to do with me again. So please, stop crying."
Hate Zhongli? The man who's only ever looked at him with kindness and treated him so gently that it never failed to melt the ice around his heart and fill his whole being with warmth? The man he's so in love with?
He knows the phrase 'love and hate are opposite sides of the same coin'. Isn't that why Diluc hates him? Because he'd chosen to flip the coin to the other side?
But…
He slowly raises a hand and places it on Zhon- Morax's face. He can’t, and doesn’t want to, hate this man, this archon, even if the logical part of him is telling him the opposite. It hurts to know the truth, but it hurts even more to see the one who has been so good to him ever since they met to be in so much pain.
He doesn't want the man he loves to go through the same pain as him.
Why does hate have to be the other side of love anyway? He hates that notion. If the coin is flipped to the 'hate' side, all he needs to do is continue tossing it until it lands on the 'love' side.
He closes the distance between them and kisses the man, the archon, that he should have never fallen in love with.
He is a prince of Khaenri'ah. He is the supposed 'last hope' of the nation, a nation the man he loves has a hand in destroying. He is not supposed to love this man, this archon , before him.
But he is also a man who always does what he's not supposed to.