Chapter Text
The Heart of Texas
“Damn it, Chad! I don’t have time to just take off and…”
“Jaybird! You and I have never once missed this rodeo when it comes to East Texas. Ever since we were sixteen. We might have had to sneak out and go, but we never missed, and we are not starting now! So suck it up, buddy of mine. We’re going to the rodeo. We’re going to eat crappy food and I will, more likely than not, get drunk and Miss Peg will kick us out because she’ll blame you for not watching me closer. Fun times, Jare!”
“For you maybe. Not so much for me if I get hit in the shoulder with that thing she calls a cane,” Jared Padalecki muttered but knew better than to try to argue with his best friend of nearly twenty-five years, so he merely slumped in the passenger seat of the old pick-up truck that had seen better days. “Maybe don’t get drunk and hit on her granddaughter so I won’t get hit?”
Chad Michael Murray considered that plan but just as quickly shrugged it off. Glancing over at his friend, he drove them off the Padalecki Ranch and onto the blacktop road that would take them out of Silasville, Texas and toward the nearby town of Rockston to where a longstanding rodeo in the state of Texas was performing for a special one-night only show.
“Besides, Miss Peg texted me last week and said to be sure I dragged your ass there because she might have the answers to all your recent problems, or at least the huge one, since I don’t think anything we do can help you find the hot ass cowboy of your dreams,” he smirked at the choking cough that earned him. “Dude, I’m your best friend and I’ve known you were gay for a year before you finally confessed one night when you were drunk so stop choking to death.”
Jared wasn’t sure if he wanted to choke or if wanted to choke his friend. Though, since Chad was driving and since Chad’s vintage truck was a stick shift, and Jared knew he couldn’t drive a stick shift, he decided to wait until later to murder his so-called best friend.
“How exactly did Miss Peg know I was having any problems that she supposedly might have an answer for?” he did choose to ask since his main problem recently was one he’d only spoken about to his closest friends and the old man that had managed his family’s ranch for as long as Jared could remember.
“Well, duh, I told her. Just like I tell her everything about you considering she still thinks of you as ‘her boy.’ Like she did when we worked for her that summer we were fifteen and the rodeo was a summer attraction,” Chad snorted, shrugging when he felt the look that he was sure was aimed at him. “Just talk to her, Jared. If she can help you keep the ranch going until you take the cows to auction or whatever you ranchers do with them, then let her cause dude, that bloodthirsty banker in town is just chomping at the bit to serve you with foreclosure papers.”
Blowing out a breath but settling in for the 45-minute ride, Jared did know how close he was coming to losing the ranch that had been in his family for at least four generations. Padaleckis had raised cattle on that land for as far back as there was a town of Silasville, or so he’d been told. It had always been successful… until Jared found out upon his return from college that his ailing father had basically drank himself to death and let the ranch fall to ruin.
Now, since the old man passed away nineteen months ago, Jared was still trying to figure out the damage that had been done. Besides losing half their cattle stock to either his father giving them away for stupid crap or the animals dying of disease or lack of care, his father had fired all the hands. Only because the ranch foreman was a stubborn old man that refused to be fired or leave did anything survive until Jared got the call that he had to leave the big city of Houston and return to East Texas and Silasville.
Jared got back to see the large brick and mortar ranch house he’d been born in. He had learned that not only had his father damaged the long-standing cattle business, but also had drank away or wasted the family fortune and was on the brink of losing everything.
It had taken Jared selling everything he had left in Houston, as well as his truck and a prize stallion that had been Jared’s since he turned sixteen, just to keep the ranch from going to the bank. He hadn’t known his father had mortgaged the ranch two years earlier to buy an old piece of crap car, some ugly art, and two diamond necklaces. All for some twenty-some girl that ran off with the rest of his money a week before Jared got home.
That had been nineteen months ago and now the bank manager was hounding him. That was only because Jared knew the man had been wanting this property for years, but Jared’s mother had always refused to sell. He had only weeks to come up with enough cash to buy time to take what cattle he had to the livestock auction in Austin or everything he’d given up would be wasted, and the land and home he still loved would be sold out from under him.
So, while he knew he should be angry with Chad for sharing his private business with outsiders, he really couldn’t be. Especially not when the feisty old woman he had told, who had owned the rodeo since her husband passed away nearly forty years earlier, had been the only person that had helped Jared survive his own mother’s death when he was fifteen.
“Whoa. I know it’s a one-night thing and all, but I wasn’t expecting this place to be this packed,” he remarked as they approached the parking area and could see how packed it was.
“Peg said something about how she’s got a hot new rider that’s been packing the show since he joined a couple years back,” Chad shrugged, seeing that a cowboy directing traffic had started to approach while shaking his head. “You the money taker and traffic director tonight, Welling?” he asked after recognizing the man as he got closer.
Tom Welling smirked as he took his time to approach the old, multi-colored truck; knowing whose it was as soon as he’d seen it. “Were you drunk when you painted this thing the last time, Murray?” he asked with a laugh, leaning an arm on the door to look in the truck. “Peg told me to tell you to just go around to where we park the trailers and other equipment. You don’t have to park out here but let me hop in the back. We’ve got some faces back there that won’t know you and carry big guns since there’s been some issues the last six months or so,” he added, easily vaulting over the tailgate.
“What’s going on that Peg had to hire security?” Jared asked loud enough so the cowboy in the bed could hear him, going on with a chuckle. “Most troublemakers are just scared of her and that cane.”
“Yeah, well, lately we’ve had some issues with some people that are a little more intense and determined than the usual drunks and stuff,” Tom replied with a slight frown, waving a hand at someone at the other gate to let him know it was okay to open it. “Peg’ll explain if she has a mind to but right now the first show is about to start, so she also said to take you to the pens so you can have an up close and personal view. Personally, I think she’s trying to keep Murray as far away from Addie as she can keep him this soon.”
Chad shot the other man a rude gesture, but it was as friendly a gesture as he knew the teasing also was. Glancing around, he did notice a few more cowboy types that just didn’t look to fit the mold of what the rodeo usually hired.
“What’s going on that Peg had hire actual security, Tom?” Jared finally asked as he and Chad followed Tom through the crowded back area of the rodeo arena where cowboys for the different events were getting ready. They passed more than a few rodeo clowns of different sizes as well as even a few smaller animals that Jared knew the older woman that owned the place had picked up as strays and just carried around with the rodeo.
Tom frowned as he led Jared and Chad to where they could sit and watch the rodeo. “About a year or so ago, one of the riders and his wife started to self-destruct so to speak. Peg did her usual Mother Hen act. She pulled them both into her trailer to try to set things straight since you know for a cranky old woman she loves the proverbial happy ending.” He sidestepped a small dog and a goat to reach up for the latch on a gate, motioning the men thru it and up a small gangplank to where some seats were close to where the larger of the bull pens were; where the best of the riders would come from.
“We all thought it had cooled off or at least they weren’t fighting in the backlot after a show; that is until about eight months ago when the shit hit the fan after Jensen got back from the ER. When a bull he was on threw him and tried to stomp his liver to mush. Peg and I brought him back, I was helping him into the trailer he shared with Katie, and…” Tom winced as he thought back to that night. “Jensen said he could make it back to the bedroom, so I had actually just gotten outside when all I heard were shouts, screams, cussing. Then some big ole boy from one of the local concession stands that we hire out for came scrambling out the door with not a goddamn stitch of clothing on him… and I’m still scarred from that image, and then little Miss Katie came following suit with not much more on.
“By the time Peg got on the scene, Jensen and Katie were screaming bloody murder at one another, more than a few things coming out of Jensen’s mouth than I figure probably should have in some cases. Then Katie was demanding Peg fire Jensen on some crazy bunch of bullshit and Peg had already decided if she had to choose between a decent barrel rider and her star bull rider, then Katie was shown to the front gate. Jensen filed for divorce the next day and two days later the trouble started.” Tom looked back to see Jared frowning while Chad’s eyes were huge from probably imagining what Tom had just described. “So, Peg had to resort to actually hiring guys who know what they’re doing, since the trouble’s just been escalating. Which is why I’m not so sure her most recent brilliant plan is such a good one,” he muttered.
Chad had been trying to get past a couple images when suddenly something clicked, and he turned to toss an almost apologetic look over to Jared. “Sorry, Jaybird. Looks like the hot cowboy I thought maybe could break your dry spell and your moping might not swing to that side of the fence like some of the rumors I’d heard.”
“Chad!” Jared wished he could just vanish or kick his friend’s ass. He refused to look at Tom or else he knew he would probably just end up doing one or the other. “Shut up,” he gritted through his teeth and swore he was unfriending Chad first thing the next morning, when the next thing he heard made him wonder if somehow he just wasn’t being set-up for one big joke.
“Oh, I wouldn’t be too quick to say that.” Tom smirked, slapping Jared on the arm before heading back to the front gate. “Peg said when the show’s done or you’ve had enough to find her in her office since it seems she has something she wants to talk to you about. Murray? Stay the hell away from Addie. There’s too many guys with guns here that might not realize you’re harmless or that she could kick your ass if she really wanted to,” he added, walking away with a backwards wave.
“Why the hell does everyone seem to think I only come here to hit on Peg’s granddaughter?” Chad muttered with as close to a sulk as he was willing to get, stepping up to the rail where Jared had already propped a booted foot up and was leaning on the top rail. “Jaybird, you know I’m just teasing, right? Yeah, I have awful timing and probably need to learn to keep my mouth shut, but you know I just want you happy and if finding a hot cowboy somewhere, somehow, sometime would make you happy again then I’m all for it.”
Jared did know that. Hell, he knew Chad’s mouth was in constant motion and usually he never thought about what came out it. His friend had always been that way and he knew Chad would never intentionally try to cause him any embarrassment. And while Jared wasn’t ashamed of being gay, he also hadn’t had much success at it. However, it was also because of some of the closed minds in their small Texas town that it wasn’t something he advertised much either; especially right now when he was fighting to keep his property.
“I don’t think I’ll be able to focus on being happy until I get this mess with the ranch straightened out,” he admitted, shifting his head enough to narrow an eye at his friend. “Though maybe the next time you open your mouth about hot cowboys, I might trip you in front of a bull or a horse,” he added but offered a smile before turning his attention back to where one of the pens closest to them had started to get active. “Holy shit.”
Chad had turned to see which pen or bull was up first and had to be quick to hide his grin when he saw Jared’s attention suddenly shift from the massive, angry looking bull that had a reputation for being nearly impossible to ride over to the tall, slender but well-built cowboy that had just levered himself over the rail and into the pen.
“Jared? Dude?”
Jared had sworn, despite all of Chad’s teasing, that he was not actually going to look at any of the array of so-called ‘hot’ cowboys at the rodeo that night. Or at least he had thought that until he glanced over to see the man getting ready to ride an 1800-pound bull named Diablo’s Rein. “Who is that?” he asked his friend, given it seemed Chad was actually keeping up with the rodeo where they had both worked one summer. “Who is he?”
Chad briefly debated teasing his friend but given what Tom had just told them he was kind of on the fence now whether this was a good idea. Rubbing the back of his neck after running his fingers through light blond hair he decided to take a chance.
“That’s Peg’s star rider; the guy that draws in the crowds lately,” he told Jared after another second or two of thought. “That’s Jensen Ackles.”
Jared had continued to watch as the man easily settled himself with his long legs on either side of the clearly already angry bull. With a confidence that he’d seen on very few other riders when dealing with this particular animal, he made sure his gloves were secure while wrapping the rope around his one wrist.
The name sank in, and a small piece of Jared sank. Of course, the hot guy he noticed had to be straight and in the middle of what sounded like a messy and getting messier divorce. “Well, fuck,” he muttered and then fought the urge to punch his best friend when he heard Chad chuckle from beside him.
“Just ‘cause the guy might be straight -keywords there, friend of mine, are ‘might be’ straight- doesn’t mean you can’t look from a starry-eyed distance and admire his… um… bowed legs?” Chad had to struggle a bit with the last part since he really had no clue what the hell his friend might be looking at. And honestly if he let himself think too hard then he knew he’d have to go get drunk sooner than he was planning.
“Shut up, Chad,” Jared muttered, refusing to even admit that he might have already noticed how the star rodeo rider’s jeans did fit him well. He watched him slowly lower himself fully onto the bull and get settled in, to almost let the bull accept his weight and watched as he seemed to looking around the crowd.
Watching the rodeo rider glance around the packed stands while he finished adjusting the rope around his hand and then the beige cowboy hat he had that covered whatever color hair he had, Jared didn’t realize he’d been staring. Suddenly, he felt like someone was watching him and he shook himself out of his own head only to blink and swore it felt like his heart might have lodged in his throat when he saw brilliant green eyes watching him from three pens away.
“Shit!” he whispered, looking away to see what Chad was doing or glancing around him as if simply looking at the rodeo arena; anything to try to make it look like he hadn’t been staring. But when Jared felt it had been a safe number of minutes and he could glance back, figuring the guy must have realized he hadn’t actually been staring at him, he then felt his heart skip a beat while his stomach began to get nervous little butterflies upon looking back and locking his gaze with those same damn green eyes and knew he’d been caught.
Jared was trying to ignore the eyes that had locked with his, ignore the way something in that look was hitting him when he saw a quick curve of the man’s lips into an almost cocky, teasing smile. At the same time, he gave the barest tip of his head, touching the edge of his hat with a fingertip before he was once again all business, and his focus went back on the bull that he was about to give the signal to open the gate.
Finally able to breathe once those eyes were off him, Jared took a second to try to regain his inner balance but something about those damn eyes kept haunting him. It was as if he’d seen them before but knew he’d never laid eyes on Jensen ‘hot stuff rodeo rider’ Ackles before in his life. The closest he’d ever been to eyes that green or a smile that cocky was in this same rodeo. The year Jared had been fifteen and had met another wayward boy that Peg had taken in a few states away.
That summer, both Jared and Chad as well a couple other friends had signed on to work the rodeo that was set up to be in their small town the whole summer. For Chad and the others, it was summer spending money and not having to work at their own families’ ranches or stores. For Jared it was more of a way to distract himself from issues at home that were getting worse as his mother’s illness got worse.
Jared loved animals. He was born and raised on a cattle ranch, but he still was leery around horses, especially around the wilder ones. At fifteen, he was just starting to grow into the long limbs that had always gotten him teased as kid and he was skinnier than most, so Peg mainly had him sweeping up stalls or helping the cowboys water and feed the massive bulls or help out in concessions if they were short-staffed.
Everything about the rodeo thrilled Jared and he was half certain when he was older that he’d probably run away and join Peg’s rodeo. Especially as the summer progressed and he began to spend more and more time in the horse area or whatever area JR was working that day.
JR, the only name any of them knew him by or that Peg used when addressing him, was a tall, slender, athletic sixteen-year-old that had been with the rodeo since it swung through Tennessee in the spring.
He was a year older than Jared, a few inches taller, though he laughed that one day Jared would probably be taller once he finished growing into his legs. He had wavy, dark blond hair with streaks of lighter colors from his time in the sun when not wearing a beat-up old cowboy hat. For Jared it had been the glittering green eyes and few freckles that dusted the older teen’s high cheekbones that drew his focus whenever he could watch him and didn’t think he’d be caught, or he thought he wasn’t being caught.
“Do I have something on my face that I should be aware of that you keep staring at me, Jared?” JR finally asked one evening as he was brushing a chestnut-colored horse that he seemed to favor out of all the ones in the rodeo stalls. He glanced over his shoulder to offer the same teasing smirk he did when he felt Jared was close but trying not to be noticed. “You might as well come in her stall and talk to me. She doesn’t bite and neither do I, sweetheart.”
“You have freckles.” Jared wasn’t sure why, out of all the words he’d practiced saying in his head, those were the ones that popped out first since he’d seen JR throw a punch at another boy for teasing him about the light dusting on his cheeks. “I-I mean, there’s nothing wrong with them. They… they look good on you or…oh my God, that was so not supposed to come out of my mouth and I’m… don’t punch me like you did Rory the other week?”
“I punched Rory because he was loud, obnoxious, rude, and annoyed me for things he said other than about the damn freckles I was cursed with.” JR replied easily, shifting to the other side of the horse to continue brushing, and it gave him a better view of the slightly shorter, younger by one year boy that he’d noticed had been following him around or just watching him the last month or so. “I might not like them but since you look cute blushing just now when you said they looked good on me, I’ll overlook that I don’t like them this time. Wanna learn how to brush her?” he’d asked with a slight nod to the horse that now seemed to just be watching them until she let out an almost disgusted huff of breath. “She’s not like the stallions used in the bronco races or that you’ve seen kick a too cocky asshole for trying to break it in wrong. C’mere, and I’ll show you, Jared.”
Jared had stepped into the stall just enough to watch but was still cautious until he watched JR hold out the brush to him while nodding to the chestnut mare that Jared swore now seemed to be judging him. “You know my name?” he asked, feeling shy and nervous as he took the brush and nearly dropped it when warm fingers brushed over his.
“Of course, I know your name, Jared.” JR laughed and it sounded like warm honey in the quiet barn and to Jared’s ears. “I only hear Peg shout it every day or with the hyper kid who wants to bug you… and I might have asked Peg your name the day after you came,” he admitted with a shrug, stepping back enough to allow the nervous teen to come on the side of the horse after whispering to the horse as if soothing her and then placing his hand over Jared’s to show him the best way to brush the animal. “Don’t be scared of her, sweetheart. Honey is one of the calmest horses in Peg’s stables and wouldn’t hurt a fly,” he reassured Jared in the same soothing tone he’d used on the horse.
That was the first time that Jared had actually felt at ease around a horse. From that afternoon on, when he wasn’t doing something else, Jared would eventually find his way to wherever JR was to either just watch him help the cowboys with the horses or help him groom the few that JR had assured him wouldn’t kick or buck in the stall.
It had been JR that Jared began to let himself relax more around and had been JR that had gone in search of an upset Jared the day the call came that Jared’s mother had passed away from her illness. His father had chosen to not do a service or even give his son notice in time to go see her before she passed or before he had her cremated.
“I can say that I understand all about bastard fathers since I have one. I wish I knew what to say or what to do to help you over the pain of losing your Mom, but since I never knew my Mom and my step-Mom is one of the reasons I’m working a rodeo and trying to take online courses for a GED, all I can do is tell you that I’m here for you if you need or want to talk,” he went on while kneeling next to where Jared was sitting in the back of Honey’s stall with his arms wrapped around his knees, face hidden. “Jay.”
The softly spoken nickname, the one that Jared had just recently told the older teen that he could use if he wanted, was what caused Jared to lift his head enough to see past the tears in his eyes; to see JR kneeling beside him, hand held out to him like he did when coaxing Jared to brush another horse or the time he tried to coax him onto Honey in an attempt to help him learn to be at ease riding a horse.
Jared stared at the hand for another second before slowly reaching his own out, feeling it grasped and held securely while JR eased down beside him, sliding a careful arm around shaking shoulders and just holding onto Jared while he let out his grief and emotions.
“It’ll be okay, sweetheart. It’ll hurt but you said your Mom urged you to take this job to get you out of your house. I know it hurts and I’m just saying mindless babble but she’s not in pain anymore, Jay. She’s in peace and I think I can say from what you’ve told me about her is that she’d want the best for you. The best for you is still doing what makes you happiest. So, what will that be?” JR had asked with the gentle, real smile that he seemed to only give to this usually happy go lucky boy with unruly dark hair and hazel eyes that right then were more gold as they spoke of his loss and grief.
“You.” Jared replied before he could think not to, lifting his head from where it had just been resting on JR’s shoulder to see calm green eyes staring back at him without shock or anger. “Since I’m already a wussy basket case in front of you and you’ll probably want nothing to do with me bugging you after this, can I tell you something I know I shouldn’t but need to, JR?” he asked, wiping his hand over his face to try to clear it of tears.
“You’re not a wuss or a basket case for grieving your Mom’s death, Jay,” JR replied with a slight frown, reaching up to use his own fingers to card back Jared’s bangs so he could fully see his eyes while nodding. “And you will never bug me. Trust me, if I didn’t want you following me around or stuff, I would have either told you or told Peg to tell you but I haven’t so… tell me what you’re suddenly so afraid to,” he encouraged with a warm smile.
Jared debated this. He’d been struggling with this all summer. He suspected how he felt but hadn’t really been certain until he met JR and began to feel more at ease with expressing himself. He understood that in their small town that boys liking boys wasn’t well received and Jared knew he might never be able to admit this to his own family right now. But considering he’d just lost the only person in his family that would understand, and he knew in a matter of months the summer would end and he might never see JR again, he decided to take a huge risk.
“I… I think I… like you,” he said softly, biting his lip nervously and already certain he should have kept his mouth shut as JR tilted his head as if not fully understanding. “Umm, I mean, I like you now but I…I… God, you’re going to hate me, I know it but… huh?” he stopped to blink when a gentle hand touched his face after he’d looked away, bringing his gaze back up to see JR’s lips had curved into the same slow, sexy smile he had that never failed to make Jared’s knees shake.
“I won’t hate you, Jared.” JR reassured the nervous teenager. He considered his next move since he really did like Jared as a friend and knew getting in too deep especially with a boy that he could tell hadn’t fully accepted his own sexuality yet would just end up hurting one or both of them.
Though as he watched Jared’s confused eyes stare at him, felt him lean his cheek more into his hand without even being aware of it, he decided to take the risk since he knew he had a few more months before the rodeo left Silasville and Jared would stay behind.
“I think I know what you mean and…” he paused to offer another smile, letting it curve more while slowly touching Jared’s face with his other hand as well. “I like you too. Both as a friend and… maybe something else if you were a year or so older.” JR’s smile deepened at Jared’s wide-eyed look at this comment, brushing his thumb over his cheek and wondering which of them shivered more at that simple, slight touch. “I know what you’re saying, Jay. I do like you that way but… I’m still sixteen; you’re fifteen and just discovering if you like boys or if it’s a fad. So, while I’m not going to discourage you from maybe exploring this a little, I also want you to understand that even if it turns out to be a fad or something you’re curious about that I’ll still be your friend and will be here with you.”
Jared considered this, eyes fascinated by the way JR’s green eyes could shift from a deep emerald to a little lighter depending on his mood, then his eyes moved down to the line of freckles and blushed when his friend began to chuckle after seeing where his eyes went.
“You are just so obsessed with my freckles, aren’t you?” JR smiled, for once willing to humor someone over the annoying things he detested.
“I’d be obsessed with something else if I had the guts and didn’t think I’d gross you out by being bad at kissing or have you ever kissed a boy and… oh my God, shut me up or tell me to shut up or…” Jared realized he was nervous when he started literally blabbing mindlessly, but when he heard himself ask if JR had ever actually kissed a boy he swore he’d just melt into the hay covered floor in humiliation. Or he would if he hadn’t felt JR’s one hand shift just enough to move to his neck.
“You’re so damn cute when you blush and when you talk non-stop,” JR really did enjoy Jared’s company which he knew surprised not only himself but also anyone that had known him since he joined in Tennessee. He was mainly a loner, who stuck to himself and only did what he had to. Since meeting the open, until recently always smiling and innocent Jared, he knew there was something changing, and he only hoped it didn’t end up hurting both of them. “I can shut you up though, assuming you’re willing to trust me.”
“Of course, I trust you, JR.” Jared rolled his eyes at that, then went still as nerves began to creep up as he really didn’t know what they were doing or what he should be doing.
“How much bad porn have you watched and for how long, Jay?” JR teased him, knowing what he should do but also not wanting Jared to think this was bad or anything to be ashamed of.
“Chad started showing me crap when we were thirteen or so I think.” Jared replied with a shrug, blushing again as he thought of what he’d seen on the computer screen in Chad’s basement. “He’s teasing since I know he likes girls too much and his eyes bug out but I… ummm…”
“Okay, first lesson, don’t watch bad porn with Chad Michael Murray or actually don’t watch any kind of porn with Chad.” JR debated knocking the other boy into a pile of manure the next day but decided against that since he knew Peg would return the favor in spades. “Second lesson is that’s basically fake sex to just turn people on and most of that isn’t even close to what you and I would ever do even if we were legal,” he went on while deciding to avoid a couple topics. His own darker thoughts of life before Peg found him might surface, and he didn’t want that to sour this with Jared. “Next? Just relax and trust me not to ever hurt you, sweetheart,” he added, leaning just close enough that he could brush a light, quick kiss over the other boy’s lips and heard Jared gasp but then felt him give an awkward kiss in return.
“I know I sucked at that but… JR! Don’t give me that eyebrow wiggle like that! You know what I meant!” Jared laughed and for the first time in several minutes he realized he hadn’t felt the grief as hard. “I’ll always miss her,” he murmured, wishing he could keep this moment embedded in his mind and not let the grief back in, but he knew as JR merely settled with his back against the wall to let Jared lean against him that his friend understood.
JR sighed, nodding his head but then let it rest on the top of Jared’s where he’d laid it against his chest. “Yeah, you will. She was your Mom. You loved her so you’ll always miss her,” he said as he began to let his fingers card back through Jared’s hair in an almost soothing motion while shooting a look up to where the rodeo owner, Peg Thunder Heart, stood as if pleading with her not to say anything and allow him to handle the grieving Jared. “You know she loved you. Just like you know you have friends, like Chad, to help you through it and… me until the summer is over at least,” JR had to wonder why that thought suddenly made his chest ache.
“I guess Peg wouldn’t let me run away and join the rodeo, huh?” Jared asked, only half-jokingly as he lifted his face enough to see JR watching him with the most serious look he’d ever seen on him. “You could…stay here,” he made a quick motion as if to wipe that away when he felt his friend tense. “No, no, forget I said that. I swear. I’m not going to be like those girls in those sappy movies. I’m not clingy. We’re not… well… I’m not sure what we are but…”
“We’ll figure out what we are besides friends later and no, Peg wouldn’t let you stay with the rodeo because your Dad would send the law out if you did that,” JR decided not to mention that it wasn’t just the law that he was worried about hunting him down if his own father ever remembered he had a son. “We have a few more months so don’t brood, Jay. I promise to teach you how to ride a horse as well as I do before your job here is over.”
That seemed to make Jared happier again and for the next month as both teenagers worked their various jobs at the rodeo, in the off-times or on days when Peg gave them time off like on Sunday afternoon, JR kept his promise to help Jared learn to not only overcome his fear of the larger horses but also ride one without fearing of falling off.
It was during those times they also began to get to know one another more with JR cautiously opening up a little more about the past he guarded like a bank vault and Jared telling him about the Padalecki ranch. Jared thought he’d also learned a little more about kissing too even though his friend was always cautious about how long to kiss him and never did more than that.
Jared thought they had at least another two or three months together, but it was in the middle of the night one muggy evening that he learned it wasn’t as simple as that and would come to realize later that was the first time his whole world was turned upside down.
Even though Peg supplied all the people that worked for her a spot to sleep, if they were local, they could go home after the day ended. In Jared’s case, he’d chosen to stay at the rodeo all the time, especially after his mother’s passing since he knew if he went home for any reason that he and his father would get into a fight over his choice to cremate her quickly.
If it wasn’t raining, he chose to set up his own tent and just slept in a sleeping bag near the trailers where the others slept.
That night Jared’s sleep was restless, uneasy and he knew that was because the last week or so JR was uneasy, tense, and on edge. Jared had tried to ask but when his friend had snapped to leave him alone, Jared had pulled back. He understood all about personal issues and didn’t ever want to be a bother, but it still felt like something was wrong that his friend was almost scared to share.
He had just rolled over in his sleeping bag for what Jared figured had to be the 40th time when he heard the soft sound of the tent zipper being pulled open and was just trying to get his sleep heavy eyes to clear as well as turn on the small lantern he kept inside when he was taken off guard by a firm hand covering his mouth with another pressing against the center of his chest as if to keep him still.
“Don’t be scared, Jay. It’s me, but I don’t have time to wake you up like I might have considered two days ago.” JR’s voice was hushed, low but hurried as if he was either out of breath or trying to get everything he needed said while also trying not to scare an already upset Jared more. “I need you to keep quiet if I move my hand. I don’t have much time but… but I wanted… no, needed to see you one more time before I leave,” he was close enough to see wide hazel eyes staring at him with confusion and just a hint of fear. “I need you to listen to me.”
“Leave? Leave where? Here? Why?” Jared asked as soon as the hand over his mouth moved but felt the need to keep his own voice hushed as if sensing the fear from his friend. “JR? What’s wrong? Why are you leaving or was it because of…?”
“No, it’s not because you tried to be a friend when I was being an asshole to you the last couple days.” JR was quick to reassured Jared, feeling the arm under his hand trembling, and hating that he’d let it come to this. But he knew it would just get worse if he didn’t get away from the rodeo now. “The other night I thought I saw someone in the crowds, someone that I did not want to see because that meant my grandfather’s private investigators had finally caught up to me. I don’t have time to explain why I ran away from my family or why I’d want to keep running but they have found me and I need to get out of here before they come back either by themselves or with the law and cause Peg trouble,” he went on hurriedly, easing back to allow a wide-eyed Jared to sit up.
“I really thought after Tennessee that he’d given up but clearly he hasn’t and since I’d rather be dead than ever get dragged back to him… I have to go but I needed to see you, to at least explain some of why I won’t be here when you wake up tomorrow and to give you this,” JR had reached into his jacket to pull out a box that he pushed into a confused Jared’s hand. “You were turning sixteen before the summer ended and I… I spent some of the job’s pay in town that day I went in with the cowboys for supplies to get you something. I know I shouldn’t give it to you now ‘cause I don’t blame you for hating me. You can pitch it if you want, but it’s something to remember me by and know that I have the other half to remember the big-eyed, ever curious kid that had started letting me think that maybe I might be able to stay put after a show ended,” he paused to clear his throat; glad the tent was just dark enough to hide the tears he swore would not fall in front of Jared.
“Peg knows I’m leaving. Peg will handle anything that comes or anyone that comes. I know I’m scaring you and I don’t want to but… I just want to say goodbye, give you that and… do this,” JR paused for just a second to toss a coin if this was a good plan or not, and then just did what he knew he’d never forgive himself over if he didn’t. He caught Jared’s face between shaking palms and kissed him.
Over the past few weeks, they’d been advancing their kisses until JR had felt safe in holding it a little longer or going a little deeper if he changed the angle. That night, he knew it would be the last time he got to see Jared, much less kiss him. He gave more of himself into the kiss and felt it returned with as Jared knew to give.
Breaking the kiss, JR pulled back quickly; knowing that if Jared reached for him and he gave into those big, sad, watery eyes that he’d never escape before the men he’d been running from for almost a year caught up again.
“Be good, Jared Padalecki,” he urged with a shaky smile while backing out of the tent with a shaky, sad smile on his face. “Remember what I said. Your Mom wanted you to do what makes you happy. So do I. Be good, be happy and… I probably could have learned to let myself love you. G’bye, Jay.”
***
It had been fourteen years since Jared thought about that summer much less the boy that he had accepted later on when his heart had stopped breaking that he had loved as much as he knew what love was back then. He wasn’t certain what had brought that back -as he still swore his heart ached from so much loss that single night- except for the deep, glittering, emerald green eyes of a rodeo cowboy that had just given the signal to the gate to let it out and let the bull go.
The sound of the crowd screaming with excitement wasn’t new to Jared. He’d been to plenty of rodeos since that summer. Hell, he’d been to some that weren’t even Peg’s and secretly he knew why. A piece of him had always been looking for that same sixteen-year-old boy with deep green eyes, dark blond hair and a cocky smile that…
Jared’s eyes snapped to where the man that was the current star of Peg Thunder Heart’s rodeo was doing his best to hang on to the massive 1800-pound animal that would love nothing more than to stomp him to dust. He saw the faded and worn-out beige cowboy hat fly off his head and caught a brief glimpse of more blonde than brown thick, wavy hair and wondered if his legs really did feel as weak as he thought they did when it began to hit him.
“Chad?” he called past a throat that was suddenly dry, fingers tightening on the railing while keeping his eyes locked on the dust being thrown up as the bull bucked in his best attempt to dislodge the stubborn man that seemed to be having trouble hanging on now. “You know all there is to know about Peg’s show it seems. What’s this guy’s name?”
Chad was watching the show like he would any other, not really paying as close attention as his friend or really noticing how much focus Jared was now giving the inside of the ring. “Huh?” he blinked as the question clicked, then he frowned. “Dude! Do I have to worry about you going deaf now on top of everything else? I told you his name. Jensen Ackles, the hottest bull rider this side of the Mississippi is what all the reports and rumors say.”
“Did any of these many reports or rumors you’ve been paying too much attention to happen to tell you his middle name?” Jared demanded tightly; oblivious to how his body was tensing as he watched the clock and the bull. “Chad! Do you know his middle name, dammit!”
“Yeah! It’s Ross!” Chad was now turning to look at his friend since it had been a long time since he’d heard him sound that tense or that determined. “His full name is Jensen Ross Ackles. Now care to tell me what burr crawled up your ass, Padalecki, or…Jared! Hey!” he yelled, reaching out to grab his friend when it looked like Jared was about to climb the rail after going pale. “Dude? What’s going on and hey! What the hell’s happening out there? Shouldn’t those clowns be running in about now?”
Jensen Ross Ackles. The name might not have meant anything to Chad, but it did to Jared as he ran the initials through his mouth. “JR,” he whispered, not sure if he wanted to be stunned or sick. But then a sound from the bullring had his attention going back and he knew sick was about to win over.
He’d been watching the clock to see that Jensen only had a few more seconds to hang on when suddenly he watched the hand that had been securely fastened with the heavy rope seemed to jerk back as if something had snapped loose causing the unexpected momentum to throw him off balance and off the rampaging bull with a fall to hard dirt.
Jared’s foot was now on the railing as he, like the others in the crowded, watched in horror as Jensen hit the ground hard and lay unmoving while the bull bucked and kicked all around him until it got close enough that when it next reared up it would come down with all 1800 pounds of massive animal and sharp horns dropping as if to gore the unmoving rider
“No!!”
TBC