Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

“Hello Laura, I got to say, I was a bit surprised you scheduled a second meeting this week.”
Laura nodded solemnly.

“Is it because of the anniversary?”

Again Laura nodded, looking out the window, “20 years.”

“Do you want to talk about it? I know you’ve told me the story before but sometimes it’s best to reminisce in times like this, even if it hurts.”

Laura nodded, getting herself comfortable on the couch.

Summer always held a flame to the darkness of winter. It was always something to dream of, to look forward to. Summer for Laura was freedom in the sweetest sense of the word.

Sure her mother and brother spent the summer down the shore too. They didn’t have a huge ominous beach house for nothing. Money spent was meant to be used. That’s what her father said before he died. In the beginning there had been speculation towards whether or not he had left the car on in the garage, or if he was locked in. Many people stopped looking at the Hollis’ the same way after that winter.

Laura hated the winter for that very reason. It was the anniversary of her father’s alleged suicide. The frozen ground served as a cemetery for every living thing that died. Skeletons burrowing deeper into closets to stay warm.

“Laura.”

Laura snapped out of her reverie to find her co-worker Cindy staring at her.

“What?”

Cindy rolled her eyes, nodding her head towards her section. “You got customers.”

Laura nodded, jumping up from the stool she had been sitting on for her break, and headed towards the newly occupied table in the back.

It was a family of two, a father and what appeared to be his daughter. Must be nice, Laura thought to herself as she pulled out her memo pad from her apron and held a pen between forefinger and thumb. “Can I start you guys off with drinks?” She asked, looking down at the two.

The father was in his mid to late forties, the girl had her head buried in a book, but Laura guessed she was about the same age as her.

“We’ll just have a pitcher of coke.” The father said, looking up at her with crystal clear eyes and an endearing smile.

Laura nodded, looking over at the girl’s bowed head again before turning on her heel and heading over to get the requested drink and dropping it back off at the table. “Are you ready to order or do you need another couple of minutes?” she asked.

Again the father shook his head, “We’ll just take a large cheese pizza.”

Laura made note of it on the pad, “It’ll be out shortly, just flag me down if you need anything.”

Laura sat back down at the counter. It wasn’t really lunch rush hour yet so none of the other tables in her section were being used at the moment. She leaned her chin into her hand, bored. She looked back over at the table and found herself looking at the girl again. She had to be around the same age as her, dark brown hair covering most of her pale face, the only thing visible was perfectly plucked eyebrows. Laura found herself smiling, it wasn’t the norm to see someone so wrapped up in a book anymore. It was sad really.

Laura waited another couple of minutes before going back to get the pizza and taking it over to the family’s table. “Here you are.” She said, watching out of the corner of her eye as the girl placed a bookmark into her book and set it down on the booth cushion beside her.

Her bangs covered the majority of her face as she stared down at her fingernails.

Laura sighed, still not being able to see the girl’s face, but what could you do? She wished them a good lunch and went to greet the new customers that had just sat down.

The next day was the same routine, and Laura guessed that’s why she liked it so much. She always left the house early enough to avoid her mother, and her brother Tom would already be practicing his kick-flip. It was a secret Laura and he kept from their mother. If she ever asked, he had gone on his morning run to keep in shape for his spot on the track team.

After their father died, Laura became less and less her mother’s child, and not even close to on her radar. Questions like, “Why can’t you just be normal?” started to formulate from her horrid mouth once Laura was found kissing a girl in her room. Statements like, “You’re just like your father.” and “You’re such a drama queen, all I’m asking is for you just to dress more like a girl.” began to spew from her tobacco laced breath.

Laura soon stopped crying and started getting angry. She stopped talking to her mother all together, and she spent less and less time at home and more time being picked up by the police for being outside past curfew, even once for graffitiing the side of the high school in her sophomore year.

Laura walked along the sidewalk, hands in her pockets as she headed towards the beach. She worked on the boardwalk, but her shift didn’t start until 10am.

Flopping down into the sand, she removed her leather jacket and made it into a makeshift pillow for her to rest her head on. Closing her eyes she thought back on the last year of school. It was a pretty solid year, the Zetas added Will to their group, and the Summer Socs were still socs. She rolled her eyes when she thought of long, soft red hair. No, they were over. They just had too many differences, plus not to mention she was always stepping on Laura’s toes. The sex had been great, but that was all they had been doing towards the end, and though Laura would never admit it to any of the Zetas, even LaF, she wanted more than that.

Laura shook her head, sitting back up. She wasn’t going to be able to sleep with those thoughts in the forefront of her head. Looking out across the sand, she saw someone else laying on a blanket.

She smiled, it was novel girl. She should go over and talk to her, but what would she say? Hi, I’m the waitress that served you pizza yesterday? Laura shook her head once more, no that would be creepy.

It was odd though, to be herself. If Kirsch or LaF was here she would just go up to the girl and talk her into giving out her phone number, but without the pressure of the Zetas, Laura felt, nervous?

She had never been nervous before in her life.

The girl flipped the page in her book and Laura thought of an idea. She could ask her what she’s reading! Yeah, that’ll work. Okay, but she’s got to be cool about it.

Laura stood, brushing the sand off of her shorts and began her long trek over to the girl.

Carmilla sighed, flipping the page in her book. Did she have to be any more obvious? Not that she knew that the waitress was going to be on the beach at the same time as her.

It was just luck.

And oh boy she’s coming over here. Play it cool Karnstein, play it cool.

Flipping the page of her book once more, no longer reading the words on the page, she tried to distract herself.

“Hey.”

Carmilla swallowed, her mouth suddenly dry. Probably because of the salt in the air. She looked up from her book, “Hi.” Hi? Just hi? Way to go Carmilla you totally have this one in the bag.

“Can I sit?” the waitress asked, motioning towards a spot on the blanket beside Carmilla.

Oh god, her voice was like something you hear in your dreams. Wait a minute, what the fuck? Get over yourself. Carmilla thought as she nodded her head a little too fast.

The waitress chuckled. Did she think she was funny? Is she even gay? Whoa, well that went from 50 to 100 real fast.

She sat down beside Carmilla and smiled, “Whatcha reading?”

Carmilla shrugged, “Just an old dusty book I found in the bottom of my mom’s closet.” Wait, why was she telling her all of this? She probably didn’t care, after all look at her. She probably came over here to see if she could find a blanket just like this one so she can go fuck a girl on it later, that is if she even likes girls.

The waitress nodded and held out her hand, “I’m Laura, Laura Hollis.” Laura. Carmilla liked the sound of it.

Carmilla smiled, taking her hand and shaking it with a grip her father had taught her. “Carmilla Karnstein.”

Laura smiled even wider, “I don’t know if you remember me, but I was your waitress yesterday at Micky’s.”

Carmilla shook her head, feigning ignorance, “No, I don’t really remember.”

Laura’s face paled slightly, an excuse on the tip of her tongue when Carmilla laughed.

“Of course I remember, I may have had my face stuck in a book, but I recognize a pretty face when I see one.” Carmilla continued. Wait just a flippin second, did she really just say that?

Laura smirked, and oh god what is she doing with her eyes? Seducing her? Well it’s working.

“I have to go to work, but maybe if you aren’t doing anything, you’d be up for the first pizza of the day?” Laura asked, her smirk wavering just the slightest.

Carmilla smiled warmly, nodding her head. “I don’t have anything to do until tonight.”

Laura jumped up, holding out her hand to help Carmilla up. “Right this way then, miss.”

Once Laura introduced herself it was easy. It was like the nerves dissolved and all that was left was her cool and calm demeanor. She had the girl eating out of the palm of her hand, and normally that would be a good thing, but Laura felt uneven when thinking about playing her like she had all her other summer flings. There was a pull in her stomach that made Laura think that Carmilla would be different.

They walked along the boardwalk, Laura with her coat hanging off of her arm, it was too warm now to wear it. Carmilla followed alongside her, blanket folded and being cradled against her chest.

“So do you live down here or just spend the summer?” Carmilla asked, unsure if it was too personal a question for it to be the first one she asked.

Laura shook her head, “Nope, just the summer. I’ve spent every year down here for as long as I can remember.” She looked over at Carmilla, “What about you? Although, I’m pretty sure I’ve never seen you before, I would remember a pretty face when I see one." She said with a wink.

Carmilla’s face reddened at the repeat of her awful attempt at flirting as they came to a standstill. Laura pulled out a ring of keys, shaking them until she found the right one and placed it into the lock and opened the pizza parlor’s door.

“Oliver won’t be in for another half hour so the oven’s aren’t heated yet.” Laura explained as she locked the door behind Carmilla. She didn’t need any nosey tourists trying to weasel their way in before it was time to open.

“That’s okay.” Carmilla said as she watched Laura motion for her to sit in a stool at the bar and get to work by turning the ovens on.

“So what else do you do around here besides work?” Carmilla asked as she placed the book down in front of her.

Laura looked over her shoulder at the girl before moving over to the fridges, grabbing dough and other ingredients to make the proffered pizza. “Usually anything that keeps me out of the house.”

“Problems at home?” Carmilla said before thinking, covering her mouth with a hand and blushing once she realized what she had asked.

Laura had froze, her face paling slightly at the question. “Um-“

“I’m sorry, you don’t have to answer that. I wasn’t thinking, definitely not for first date conversation.” And she had replaced her foot in her mouth by just shoving her head up her own ass.

Laura’s shoulders relaxed as she quickly rolled the tension off of them. She raised a brow, smirking. “You thought this was a date?”

Carmilla’s face reddened, “What, no. I just, um-“

“Because I was hoping tomorrow night would be better.” Laura continued as if she hadn’t even opened her mouth, tucking her bottom lip between her teeth as she went back to making the pizza.

Carmilla’s jaw dropped slightly, feeling the hot and stuffy air settle on her tongue. “Are you asking me out?”

“Is that a yes?” Laura asked, a teasing smile on her lips as she rolled out the dough.

“It’s a maybe.” Carmilla said, pressing her tongue to the roof of her mouth to stifle her nervousness.

Laura looked up confused. She had never been turned down before. “Maybe? What would determine that a yes or no?”

“Whether you make a good pizza or not.” Carmilla said, grinning.

Laura chuckled, not paying attention as she tried to open a new bag of flour to put on the counter. The plastic ripped, and a cloud of white dust flew up at her face as she let out a tiny squeal. When she opened her eyes she saw Carmilla doubled over laughing.

Her laughter just may have been the music Laura had been waiting to hear.

“What are you laughing at?” She asked.

Carmilla shook her head, “You’ve never made a pizza before in your life have you?”

Laura felt herself blushing, but to distract Carmilla from her answer, she stuffed her hand into the bag and flung it at Carmilla, flour covering the bar and the girl’s hair and clothes.

Carmilla scoffed, wiping the white powder from her eyes before opening them. “Oh, it’s on!”

Laura laughed, ducking behind the counter as Carmilla hopped off of the stool and came running towards her.

Soon enough there was no surface untouched by flour and the two girls were on the floor giggling as they smeared the remainder of the flour into each other’s hair.

After the laughter dissipated a bit and Laura sobered up she cleared her throat. “No.”

Carmilla lifted her head, wiping tears away from her eyes. “What?”

Laura looked over at her and suppressed a laugh. She wiped some flour off of Carmilla’s cheek and sucked in a shaky breath, “No I’ve never made a pizza before.”

There was a moment of silence as Carmilla stared at her, eyes so big and brown, deep.

Laura could see the simplicity of drowning in them.

Carmilla opened her mouth to say something when the front door unlocked and a man in his late twenties strolled in. He looked around the room, “What the hell happened in here?”

Laura closed her eyes, shit.

“Dude, Laura what are you doing here? You never show up this early.”

“Oliver, this is Carmilla. Carmilla, Oliver.” Laura said, wiping a hand down her face.

Oliver looked down at them and then around the kitchen and began to laugh, “Dude, Darren is gonna be so pissed.”

Laura and Carmilla quickly got to work with wiping down the counters as Oliver went into the back to find the broom to sweep the floor.

“Who’s Darren?” Carmilla asked curiously.

“My boss.”

“So tomorrow.” Carmilla said as Laura walked her out of the pizza parlor.

Laura nodded, smiling as she leaned into the door way, “Tomorrow.”

“Do you want me to meet you anywhere in particular or?”

Laura shook her head, “I’ll pick you up, just give me your address.”

She decided to quickly write her address on Laura’s hand along with her phone number.

“I’ll text you later then.” Laura said as she stared down at her hand, making a note to put the number into her phone before the ink smeared.

Carmilla began to walk backwards down the boardwalk away from her, “You better.”

Carmilla opened the door to her house, hoping to get up the stairs and into the shower before her father saw her.

“What happened to you?”

Carmilla sighed, turning back around to look down the stairs at her father who was looking up at her, a confused smile on his face.

Carmilla chuckled lightly, “Um well you see, you probably slept through it but there had been a tsunami of flour earlier on the beach while I was reading.”

Ric Karnstein put his hands on his hips, cocking his head to the side all too much like his daughter. “Is that so?” he asked.

Carmilla nodded her head, feeling herself beginning to blush.

“It wouldn’t have anything to do with that waitress yesterday would it?” Ric continued, the smile gone and concern now written all over his face.

Carmilla bit her lip. Of course he knew, he knew her better than she knew herself. “Maybe.”

He nodded, smiling warmly, tapping the banister with the palm of his hand awkwardly, “Just be careful, okay?”

Carmilla nodded. Her father knew something she didn’t, but she wasn’t going to push it. If it was about Laura then she could wait for her to tell her. “Will do.” Carmilla said, saluting her father before running up the rest of the stairs and into the bathroom to wash the flour out of her hair.

Laura locked up for the day considering it was a Thursday, and the tourists weren’t in full swing yet. It was just the second week in June, and it still got chilly when the sun set.

She shoved the ring of keys into the bottom of her pocket and began her lazy stroll down the boardwalk. She would have to go home at some point, but not just yet, not after such a good day.

She could still imagine the feel of Carmilla’s cheek beneath her fingertips, and that didn’t deserve to be corrupted by the discomfort of a house where she didn’t belong. She wouldn’t let it be.

She climbed over the railing, too impatient to reach the stairs, and hopped down onto the beach. Kicking off her shoes, she flopped down into the sand and looked out around the beach. There were a few stragglers but mostly everyone had gone home for dinner at this point.

The sunset had always been Laura’s favorite view, a comfort to know that she had gotten through another day. When life got tough and the accusations began to hurt, just looking out at the sun traveling across the sky let her know that the Earth was still spinning on its axis, and that life continued on, knowing that if she waited long enough, maybe one day she would be able to see things get better; she would get better.

After the sun set, Laura knew she should probably head home. Not because she would be missed, but because she felt the soreness in her bones give way to exhaustion. Standing on your feet the majority of the day helped very little when you walked everywhere.

Standing from her spot in the sand, she brushed herself off and slipped her shoes back on, climbing back up onto the boardwalk and made her way home, well her home away from home. The world was her home, the house where her mother lived was the illusion of one. The foundation cracked and the roof dipping, threatening to break under the judgment and suspicion of everyone around them, including the woman that gave life to her seventeen years ago.

On second thought, she could spend another night under the board walk.

“So a date?” Ric asked for the fourth time that day.

Carmilla sighed, looking back at her father in the mirror that she was currently straightening out her bangs in. “Yes Dad, a date.”

“And she’s going to come here to pick you up?” He asked.

She nodded her head, “Yes, but I think it’s a bit early for you to meet her, don’t you?”

Ric shook his head, taking on the tough guy facade. “If she’s going out with my daughter I should know what she looks like in case something happens.”

“Dad, nothing is going to happen.” Carmilla reassured as she turned around to face him.

“That’s what the doctors said before they took your mother into surgery.”

Carmilla closed her eyes, willing the abruptness of the statement not to bring tears to her eyes. “It’s just a date.” she said.

Ric looked down at her and nodded. “Okay.”

She walked around him to grab her bag off of the step.

“Do you know where she’s taking you at least?”

She smiled at her father’s continuation of questions. “I’m not sure yet, I think it’s a surprise.”

She heard him huff out an aggravated sigh behind her as she stifled a laugh as the doorbell rang.

Carmilla turned to her father, “Out.”

He raised his hands in surrender before moving forward to press a kiss into her hair. “Be safe.”

“Dad I’ll be fine.” She said exhaustedly, but when she caught his stern look she rolled her eyes, “Besides, I’ve still got the bear spray you bought me for my birthday.”

The corner of his lips twitched up into a smile. “That’s my girl.”

She waited for him to leave the room before letting out a deep breath and opening the door.

Laura stood on the other side, a smirk turning up the corners of her lips. Dressed in ripped black jeans and a red flannel she held out a a single daisy. “I’m not usually one for romantic gestures, but my dad always said that flowers were appreciated no matter the circumstance.” Before he died. Before she had disappointed him. “I hope one is okay.” Laura continued. Because she didn’t have money to buy a bouquet at the store. Because she figured Ms. Roseanne wouldn’t notice if she only stole one from her garden.

Carmilla smiled, taking the daisy from her. “It’s beautiful.” she said, turning to go put it in some water. “You can come in if you want.” she said over her shoulder.

Laura decided to wait by the door, awkwardly stepping over the threshold and looking around the small foyer. Pictures hung on the walls, photos of Carmilla with her dad smiling, one of just Carmilla sitting in front of a birthday cake that had the number 13 pasted onto it, and one of Carmilla with a woman that looked like an older version of her, Mrs. Karnstein; Laura assumed. Her heart ached.

Carmilla came back a moment later smiling. “Ready to go?”

Laura nodded, forcing a smile onto her lips. This was not about her, this was about Carmilla. She shouldn’t be this selfish, not after everything that had happened. She should have learned. Laura motioned for Carmilla to step out ahead of her, “After you.” she shut the door behind them and jammed her hands back into her pockets and walked alongside Carmilla down the sidewalk.

“So where are we going?” Carmilla asked casually so as not to sound like she was overly excited, which she was.

Laura chuckled, looking over at her, tilting her head slightly to look up at her face, squinting her eyes due to the sun’s glare.

Funny how Carmilla was practically the sun in her eyes.

Laura should have taken it as a warning, but she didn’t. She never did what was best for her, only what she wanted. Her mother had once told her she took everything as a child, never asked for it, and she rarely apologized for it either. Laura figured she had to have learned it from someone.

“It’s a secret.” She said, looking over at Carmilla, finding herself just the tiniest bit jealous of how good it seemed that she had it. She was wrong.

“A secret, huh?” Carmilla asked suspiciously.

Laura nodded, “Yup, I even locked it up and threw away the key.” Like she did with most things.
Carmilla grinned, “Well can I at least get a general direction?”

Laura’s brows furrowed, confused. “The board walk, why?”

Carmilla darted away in the direction of the beach, “Race you there!”

Laura stunned, stared after Carmilla before shaking her head, and chased after her. If she had to run, at least she was running after Carmilla.

“I win!” Carmilla declared as she nearly began jumping up and down.

Laura leaned over on her knees, catching her breath.

Carmilla looked over at Laura and chuckled, “You could’ve told me you don’t run.”

“Didn’t really give me much of a choice did you?” Laura asked as she stood up straight, running her fingers through her hair to smooth down some of the frizz.

Carmilla blushed, she didn’t really think that through, but Laura was smiling at her and she couldn’t care less about her minor screw up. She had a feeling if Laura kept looking at her like that she would have trouble saying goodbye to her at the end of the summer, because that was inevitable right? Carmilla would be going back to Toronto and Laura would be going back to where ever it is she was from.

“Ready for the secret?” Laura asked, holding out her hand for Carmilla to take.

Carmilla blinked, throwing all of what she was thinking to the back of her head, after all this was their first date, nothing was set in stone yet, not unless they wanted it to be. “Absolutely.” she said, flushing slightly at the eagerness in her voice, but Laura grinned and she decided she could live with it.

“Right this way then.” Laura said, leading Carmilla towards the stairs that lead to the beach.

At first Carmilla didn’t see it, but soon the blanket came into view, the blanket she must have left at the pizza parlor, along with a cooler and pizza box.

Laura directed her to sit before dropping down across from her. “I promised you pizza.”

Carmilla smiled, “That you did, but did you make it yourself?”

Laura shook her head, “Nah, I asked Oliver to make it.” So it was half true, she asked Oliver to show her how to make one. She wanted to prove mostly to herself that she could make it, plus she did promise.

Carmilla chuckled as she watch Laura pull out two paper plates and putting slices on each one before pulling out a bottle of cream soda. Although it wasn’t champagne, it kind of looked like it. She poured it into plastic cups and then handed Carmilla her dinner.

“Thanks.” Carmilla said as she took a sip from her cup.

Laura nodded, before taking a bite of her pizza. Not bad.

They ate in silence before getting comfortable on the blanket.

“Let’s play twenty questions.” Carmilla suggested.

Laura gulped before nodding timidly. “Okay, you go first.”

Carmilla took a sip of her soda, and stared down at her sandals. What could she ask her? Laura seemed pretty closed off and she didn’t want to hit a nerve, but she wanted to get to know her too. She peeked up through her bangs at her date. Laura was staring out at the sun as it began to get closer to kissing the ocean. She looked beautiful, so much so that Carmilla forgot that she had to ask a question.

Laura looked over at her and smirked, “See something you like?” she asked.

Carmilla closed her mouth, licking her dry lips. How was she supposed to answer that? “It’s not your turn to ask.”

There was a glint in Laura’s eye. “I take it back, I’ll go first.”

Carmilla let out a shallow breath, nodding her head as she took another sip of her drink to busy herself.

“Answer the question.” Laura prodded.

Oh, right, the question. “Um, it’s not a bad view.”

Laura looked out at the water again, her smirk fading into a small smile, one hiding more than it revealed. “Yeah, it’s one of my favorites.”

Laura didn’t know that Carmilla was talking about her.

“I had a really good time tonight.” Carmilla said as they neared her door. She could see that the den’s light was still on, and the probability of her father standing right behind the front door was relatively high.

Laura smiled, staring up at the newly raised moon. She didn’t like the moon as much, it reminded her of herself. How lonely it seemed; haunted by it’s own glow. When she looked back over at Carmilla she nodded, “Me too.” Everything about this moment was weird. Her hands were again clenched in her jean pockets, clammy. She couldn’t even recall the last time her hands were sweaty.

Carmilla bit her lip, unsure of what to say next. Should she kiss her? Should she wait for Laura to kiss her? She groaned internally, she could make the first move. Her eyes traveled down Laura’s face, from her hazel eyes, down the slope of her nose, to her lips. Kissing her would be easy, and amazing, and inevitably hard and painful, because their first kiss would only prove that their would be a last, because summer only lasted for so long. Would it be worth it? Carmilla looked at Laura again and smiled to herself. She thinks it might.

She decided on a cheek kiss because it was safe. She leaned in and pressed her lips to Laura’s cheekbone, lingering for a moment longer than would be deemed friendly. When she pulled back, Laura was looking at her in wonder. “I’ll call you.” She said before making her way up to the front door. Laura still stood there like an idiot. Carmilla smiled, waving good night before slipping into her house and locking the door behind her.

Laura stared at the closed door for a moment longer before turning, pressing her fingertips to where Carmilla’s lips just were. She hated to admit it, but she smiled knowing that what had happened that night, she wanted it to happen again, and at least a hundred more times.

Their first kiss wasn’t for another week. Although they saw each other almost everyday, it just was never the right time.

Laura had just gotten off work and Carmilla had come to pick her up. They had plans to go to the small movie theater and to grab ice cream, Carmilla’s treat.

“Isn’t that something?” Carmilla asked suddenly as they walked along the sidewalk.

“What?” Laura asked, looking over at her confused.

Carmilla nodded her head in the direction of the sky in front of them.

Laura smiled, staring up at the orange sky. It certainly was something, but to Laura, she had found something even more beautiful in Carmilla, because with her, Laura could see herself actually looking forward to the sunrise.

And suddenly the sun was no longer Laura’s thing, but it was their thing. Carmilla appreciated its beauty just as much as she did, and maybe that had more to do with that fact that Carmilla noticed how often Laura looked up at the sky, but Laura didn’t know about that, and Carmilla was more than okay with it.

“So what movie are we seeing anyway?” Laura asked, kicking a rock along in front of them.

Carmilla watched the rock skitter out into the grass. “Well it’s a flash from the past special. They do a different decade every weekend. This weekend it’s the nineties, and tonight it’s one of my favorite movies.”

“And what movie would that be?” Laura asked, watching Carmilla out of the corner of her eye.

“10 Things I Hate About You.”

Laura’s lips quirked up into a smirk. It was one of her favorite movies as well.

“Heath Ledger is such a babe, I mean I’m super gay but if I had to pick a dude it’d definitely be him.” Carmilla said casually.

Laura nodded, it made more sense now. Carmilla had a thing for the hopeless.

“Thank god you didn’t make us stay to watch She’s All That.” Laura said as they walked out of the movie theater.

Carmilla chuckled, “Please, you wouldn’t have stayed even if I asked you to.”

Laura shook her head, that wasn’t true. She froze, looking over at Carmilla. They were standing in front of framed movie posters that had to be over twenty years old. “I would’ve stayed if you asked.”

Carmilla’s smile faltered a bit before returning, a happy glint in her eye. “Well good, I would have done the same for you.”

Laura nodded, smiling lightly as they began to walk again.

Carmilla stretched out her hand, really wanting to hold Laura’s. She was just going to go for it, how hard could it be?

Laura felt Carmilla’s fingers weave through hers and grinned. Her palm brushing up against Carmilla’s as they walked along the street in the direction of dairy sweetness.

“And just so you know I don’t really care for that movie anyway, the fact that he wasn’t interested in her until after she changed everything about her appearance is just ridiculous.”

Laura chuckled at Carmilla’s continuation of their earlier discussion. Leave it to her to want to discuss the lack of feminism in the film industry while they were holding hands for the first time.

Laura knew she couldn’t think about anything else.

“So what do you think you’ll get?” Carmilla asked as they reached the ice cream shop.

Laura shrugged, “Probably just mint chocolate chip on a sugar cone. You?”

Carmilla nodded, “I’m gonna get the fudgey brownie ice cream as as a hot fudge sundae.”

Laura chuckled, Carmilla loved her chocolate. She opened the door and held it open for her, hands still linked. “After you.”

After getting their ice cream, they walked along the beach, their hands still linked. Laura could see why annoying couples in school hallways never wanted to let go. There was a comfort in the touch of someone you cared about, even if it was just their hand brushing against yours.

They sat down in the sand, something that soon became a habit. The sun had set a couple of hours ago, the waves looking luminescent beneath the moon’s watchful glare.

Carmilla began to play with Laura’s fingers absentmindedly. “Do you ever think about what’s going to happen when you go back to school?”

Laura raised a brow, “What do you mean?”

Carmilla shrugged, “I don’t know, summer is different from all the other seasons. It changes you, gives you time to think and try new things. The person you are at the beginning of it isn’t necessarily the same person at the end of it.”

Laura never really thought of it that way. She just figured when she had three months to herself that she would be able to put up with all of the bullshit that going home meant. She could handle the Zetas and her mom’s judgement, and usually any girls that she messed around with. Never did she ever stop to think about why that was, she usually just went along with it, deciding at that moment in time that someone or something was looking out for her.

“I guess you’re right.” She finally said, looking down at their hands. “I never really thought of it that way.”

Carmilla looked up, staring at Laura’s bowed head. “Do you think you’ll like the turnout this year compared to all the others, or do you think you’ll miss who you were before June?”

Laura shifted in the sand, swallowing. That was quite the question. One she didn’t really know the answer to. She liked to think that she would like who currently was, but she couldn’t. She never had, her mother made sure of that. But the Laura that she would become at the end of August? She would like to be able to love that version of herself, even just to not hate herself as much would be a relief.

She decided on a simple but truthful answer, “Definitely wouldn’t miss anything, but to say I’d like who I am a month from now would be getting a little ahead of myself.”

Carmilla nodded, twitching her lips up into a smile. “Maybe if we can like who we are now, it’ll be easier to later on.”

Laura nodded, she didn’t like herself but she wasn’t about to admit that. It would only raise questions and warrant pity. Laura didn’t need or want either of those two things.

Carmilla waited a moment before pursing her lips, tugging on Laura’s hand to get her to look at her again.

Laura looked over at Carmilla and smiled meekly.

Carmilla worried her bottom lip between her teeth, debating on whether or not she should say what had been on the tip of her tongue all evening. She decided to throw caution to the wind and just say it, because who knew what tomorrow would bring and what would become of them.

“I like you.” Carmilla blurted out, her cheeks flushing as she caught the look on Laura’s face. One of confusion and then wonder.

Laura was caught off guard by it.

Carmilla waited a moment to see if Laura said it back, but when she didn’t she quickly began to back pedal instead of standing by it. “I mean we haven’t been together that long, are we even together? Cause it’s okay if we aren’t-“

Laura rolled her eyes, cutting her off with a hand. “Carm, it’s okay. I like you too, you just caught me off guard is all.”

Carmilla visibly relaxed, blowing air up at her bangs. Thank god, that was going to get even more embarrassing than it already was.

There was a moment of silence before Carmilla asked, “Can I kiss you?”

Laura raised a brow, ready to laugh. She had never been asked nor had she ever asked to kiss someone before in her life. She just figured that if the feelings weren’t reciprocated, which rarely happened, the girl would pull away or say no. It was incredibly charming though and she couldn’t help but smile as she nodded.

They both leaned in, Laura cupping Carmilla’s jaw as their lips met. Both smiling too much for it to be a proper kiss, their noses bumping from the unfamiliarity of it.

Laura pulled back first, opening her eyes to see that Carmilla’s were still closed, her lips open just the slightest bit, and before she could think about it she was leaning forward again, recapturing her lips this time in a more appropriate first kiss. One that kicked all the air out of your lungs and cut the strings that held your stomach in place. It was an amazing second first kiss.

Carmilla pulled away, opening her eyes, her cheeks red as she took in a breath. Wow. How do you follow up something like that with words?

Laura was looking at her, lips tugging up into a smirk. Her eyes were unreadable though, they have been since they met a week and a half ago.

“What?” Carmilla asked, dying to know what the girl was thinking. She couldn’t read her, and that god forsaken smirk was always on her face.

Laura shook her head, shrugging. “You’re just really cute is all.” There was so much more she wanted to say but it scared her, and if it scared her it would definitely send Carmilla running.

Carmilla grinned, leaning up on her knees. “You’re cute too I guess.” She said nonchalantly as Laura raised a brow at her, causing her to giggle.

They kissed again, and again, and again. Basically until they had to practically run back to Carmilla’s house so she would be in by curfew.

It was also the first night in a week that Laura returned home, needing a proper shower and mattress to sleep on.

Carmilla’s eyes didn’t stop wandering over to the bruise on her cheek until it began to fade away. Laura’s excuse: she walked into a cabinet door at work, but the thing was, there was no cabinet doors at face level in the parlor. Laura forgot for just a moment that Carmilla knew more than most girls did about her. She forgot that she had to actually try harder at hiding things.

“You sure it was just an accident and someone didn’t do that to you?” Carmilla asked worriedly after being told that it was the non-existent cabinet’s fault.

Laura shrugged, “It’s fine Carm, don’t worry about it. I just get a bit clumsy sometimes.” Yeah clumsy with her mouth. If only she hadn’t kept saying things to her mom she wouldn’t have a mark on her face. She could at least admit that she deserved this one. For the scars on her hip bone and shoulder blades, well they were another story. One she hoped Carmilla would never have to see. Most girls didn’t bother with her anyways, as long as they got what they wanted they didn’t care whether or not Laura got off too.

Carmilla knew that she was lying, but they had only been kissing each other for two days, and she didn’t really see where she had room to put her two sense in, because she didn’t.

Laura stood up straight and tucked a pen behind her ear. “I have to get back to work, but I’ll see you tonight?”

Carmilla nodded, placing a chaste kiss on her lips before leaving. She would have more time to ask about the scarier things in Laura’s life at a later time. Little did she know that she would need more than two hands to count them off of.

The first time they tried to have sex, Carmilla’s father had been called out to a work conference, their whole reason for coming down to the shore this summer.

She had sneaked Laura in through the back door just in case, her father had gotten friendly with some of the neighbors, no doubt telling them to keep an eye out for her.

They giggled all the way to Carmilla’s bedroom, kissing and fumbling as they fell back onto the bed. It wasn’t planned, but then it was. It wasn’t like Carmilla woke up and decided she was going to have sex for the first time that day. Neither did Laura think she was coming over to sleep with her.

Laura had gotten Carmilla out of her shirt and was working on her pants when they heard the front door open, followed by heavy footsteps in the hallway and a man’s voice calling out Carmilla’s name.

Carmilla practically shoved Laura off of her, making her fall off of the bed and onto the floor with muffled surprise. Carmilla directed Laura to crawl under the bed and hide just as there was a knock on the bedroom door.

Carmilla quickly climbed beneath her comforter before telling her dad to come in.

“Carm, have you seen my wall-“ he froze when he saw her. “You’re still in bed?” he asked, confused.

Carmilla feigned tiredness, stretching her arms over her head. “Yeah, just waking up now. What are you doing back? I thought you had that conference?”

Ric nodded, remembering the whole reason he came back early. “I forgot my wallet, have you seen it?”

Laura covered her mouth with her hands so as not to laugh. It wasn’t the first time she had to hide from parents, but just imagining Carmilla’s discomfort and reddening face was too much.

“Nope, haven’t seen it.” Carmilla said.

Ric cocked his head to the side, “Are you feeling okay?”

Suddenly there was a strangled sound coming from beneath the bed as Carmilla covered it with a cough.

“Yeah, I think it might just be allergies.” she said.

Ric nodded, “I’ll leave out some Claritin then. Does Laura have any dogs?”

Carmilla shook her head no, at least she didn’t think she did. Come to think of it, she didn’t know all too much about Laura, they weren’t even officially girlfriends yet. Maybe they should wait until they knew where they both stood before falling into bed together.

“Okay, well just take it easy. I’ll be back soon.” Ric said before leaving, shutting the door behind him.

Carmilla let out a relieved breath, closing her eyes tightly before opening them.

Laura was climbing out from under the bed, still chuckling.

“You almost got us caught!” Carmilla hissed, throwing her pillow at the girl.

Laura caught the pillow, placing it on the bed as she rolled her eyes. “Please, you covered it up pretty well there Meryl Streep.”

Carmilla blushed, how did she know that she had an undying love for the acting queen? She looked around the room to find an answer as Laura spoke up, “I saw your DVD collection from where I was hiding you dork.”

Carmilla nodded, oh.

Laura crept towards the girl on it. “Anyways, where were we?”

Carmilla cleared her throat, “Actually, can we talk for a minute?”

Laura nodded, of course they could talk. She knelt on the side of the bed, giving Carmilla her undivided attention. “What’s up buttercup?” she asked, smiling lightly to try and ease the sudden tension in the room.

Carmilla sat up, shifting so that the blanket fell away to pool at her waist, showing off her pink bra. “Do you have dogs?”

Laura raised a brow. She hardly saw the point in this conversation when they could be spending their short time alone in the house doing other more pleasurable things. “Uh no, why?”

Carmilla fiddled with the edge of the blanket. “Well, I’m allergic to their fur, not too bad but enough to get a small rash.”

Laura nodded, ok she still had no idea what was going on. “Carmilla, not that I mind, but why are you telling me this?”

Carmilla shrugged, “It’s just, we don’t know all too much about each other.”

“That’s not true, I know your favorite movie, and that you love chocolate.” Laura said.

Carmilla nodded, that was true, but they weren’t the more important things. “But you didn’t know what I was allergic to, and you don’t know anything about where I grew up or my family. I don’t know anything about you either Laur, you’re like a blank book to me.”

Laura shrugged, getting uncomfortable. “It’s not that important.”

“It is to me, maybe you’d want to come to dinner tonight with my dad and I? We’re going to go to that pancake bar.”

Laura froze, meet Mr. Karnstein? Could she even do that? Everyone knew about her family and usually steered clear of her in public places. Her past was not only her past, but apparently everyone’s around her. Her dad had been loved by everyone, and his death meant that everyone wanted to point a finger towards the culprit, even if the coroner said it was his own two hands.

“Laura?”

Laura snapped out of it, looking back up at Carmilla.

“Are you okay?”

Laura nodded, “Yeah, I’m fine. Dinner with your dad sounds great.” She lied, smiling a fake smile that she had taught herself how to make long ago.

“You sure?” Carmilla asked, it was like she saw right through her facade, and maybe she did. Either way Laura was afraid of something and Carmilla knew it.

Instead of drawing any more attention to Laura’s sudden nervousness, Carmilla pulled her shirt back on. “Do you want to go grab lunch?”

Laura nodded, standing up, relieved that the attention was no longer on her. She still had some of her money that she had made sure to keep away from her mother. “Let’s go, we can probably get some Chinese before the lunch time rush starts up.”

Carmilla took Laura’s outstretched hand and followed her out the back door. Carmilla was starting to think that she would follow Laura pretty much anywhere she’d ask her to.

Laura sighed heavily as she stood in front of the mirror. She was trying to cover her bruise the best she could for dinner. Carmilla’s dad didn’t need to know what happened, Carmilla didn’t even know what happened.

“Laur?” A muffled voice came from outside the bathroom door, followed up with a swift knock to the wood.

Laura pulled open the door, looking up at her younger brother. “What’s wrong Tom? Is Mom home already?” Fear reflected in her eyes as she quickly put the concealer she had been using back into their mother’s makeup bag and replaced it back beneath the sink.

“Not yet.” Tom said, running a hand through his sandy blonde hair, something he got from their father. He looked more and more like him everyday, a reminder of all of Laura’s mistakes. She should have kept out of it and never said anything.

“I wanted to talk to you though.” Tom continued as he followed her to her room.

Laura grabbed new clothes from her drawers and stuffed them in her bag, leaving the dirty ones in the hamper for Carla, the housemaid to wash. “What do you want to talk about?” She asked as she went in search of an outfit to wear to dinner. It was just pancakes, but Laura wanted to set a decent enough example, especially after an earful of whatever the locals were spoon feeding Mr. Karnstein.

Tom stops her with a hand on her shoulder though, causing her to flinch. She had always been jumpy when touch wasn’t the first thing she expected.

He let go as if he had touched something hot. He looked her over as if trying to find the seams that were somehow still holding her together. The stitching may have been crooked, but it did wonders to keep her standing.

“I’m sorry.” Tom apologized. “Are you okay though? The boardwalk can’t be the safest place you can stay.” he tried to reason.

Laura shook her head, turning away from him to look through her closet. She might still have a dress her mother had bought her to try and get her to dress more girly. It wasn’t that she disliked dresses, just that they made her uncomfortable. She didn’t feel like herself in one. “No one will take me in Tom, you know that.”

She could hear him let out a frustrated breath, because it wasn’t his sister’s fault that their dad had died, and it wasn’t his fault either. They knew how they looked at Laura though, like vultures waiting for their prey to drop dead so they could attack. His sister was a fighter though, and the strongest woman he would ever know. He took it to heart when his sister was pushed around, but there was nothing he could do. He knew their mother would argue with her about being gay and how she dressed. He knew that the bruises and scars were from her, but he was never around when they happened, Laura made sure of that.

Carmilla pulled out a blue sundress and frowned at it. It was the appropriate outfit, something she shouldn’t feel so much like a stranger in. She hated herself for being this way, like a jigsaw puzzle that didn’t quite fit. Maybe she just had to bend down the corners to fit.

Tom was silent behind her as she turned around holding the dress. She could pair it with a cardigan, she liked cardigans. Plus it would hide all of the white scars.

He looked at her sadly, knowing what she was thinking. He had seen the scars once by accident when she was coming out of the bathroom. To this day he wished he had come out of his bedroom a minute later, it would be easier to be ignorant.

“Can you leave so I can change before she gets home?” Laura asked softly as she glared at the blue that was too bright in her hands.

He nodded before leaving the room.

Laura sighed once the door shut, closing her eyes and willing the tears away as she quickly changed.

Looking at herself briefly in the floor length mirror before she left, she gritted her teeth and smiled. This was for Carmilla, if she wanted them to be together for just a bit longer she would have to be the type of girl Mr. Karnstein would want his daughter to be with. She would have to ignore the empty and naked feeling inside for the night.

“Are you sure I shouldn’t try and get a reservation somewhere nicer?” RIc asked as he watched Carmilla check her button down in the mirror for the fifth time.

Carmilla smiled, shaking her head no. “Pancakes are perfectly fine, Dad.”

“Did Laura know where we were going?” He asked, looking out the window to see a girl a bit shorter than his own in a nice blue dress and cardigan, navy flats on her feet.

“Yeah, why?” Carmilla asked, turning around to look at her father.

He opened the door without bothering to answer her, figuring that seeing what Laura was wearing would answer her question.

“You look nice, Laura.” Ric greeted.

Laura froze at the doorstep, looking up at Mr. Karnstein.

Ric held out his hand, “Ric Karnstein.”

Laura tentatively held out her hand, gripping his hand in the way her father taught her. “Laura Hollis.” she said with fake pride. She would do anything to rid herself of that poisonous last name so that the look of suspicion didn’t pass through every ex friend and stranger’s eyes.

Ric smiled, moving aside to reveal Carmilla who’s jaw was practically on the floor while the rest of her face warred between confusion and awe.

Laura didn’t know what she could say in front of Mr. Karnstein, so she smiled pretty and waited for someone to speak.

Ric looked between the two before clearing his throat, “Shall we head out?”

Carmilla broke eye contact, nodding her head as she closed her mouth, swallowing.

Ric held the door open for the two to pass through before shutting and locking it behind him.

The car ride over was quiet. Carmilla sat in the back seat with Laura, even though the shorter girl tried to convince her to sit up front with her father.

Laura’s hand was stiff in hers. Carmilla had been confused about plenty of things in her life, but never as much as she was in that moment. “Are you okay?” she asked her.

Laura nodded quickly, smiling again. “Yeah, I’m fine.” she squeezed Carmilla’s hand to try and convince her of something she wasn’t even sure about.

Carmilla nodded, she didn’t believe her for a second. Laura was smiling that fake smile she saved for customers, not the smile she usually reserved for her. Carmilla didn’t want to say anything about the dress, because she did look nice in it, but she could tell by the way Laura was sitting that she wasn’t comfortable. Her other hand was holding down the skirt as far as it could go, and she was clearly fighting the urge to sit with her legs a bit more open. Carmilla would wait until after dinner to ask once they were alone. She hated to think she was trying to impress her dad, even though that was pretty much obvious from how she was barely touching her let alone talking.

Seated at the table, Ric ate his dinner while Carmilla kept looking at Laura out of the corner of her eye. She was barely touching her food, probably still worried about how Ric would see her. Carmilla was getting a little frustrated as she white knuckled the fist in her lap.

Ric cleared his throat finally, cutting through the silence. “So Laura, you work at Micky’s up on the boardwalk.”

Laura looked up from her plate and nodded, “Yes, Sir.”

Ric nodded, twiddling his fork between forefinger and thumb. “Are you still in school?” he asked next.

Laura nodded once more, “I will be starting my senior year in September.”

Ric looked over at Carmilla and then back at Laura. “Where do you live in the off-season?”

Laura swallowed. She didn’t know why she suddenly didn’t want to say where she lived, but it was one of the things Carmilla didn’t even know so she figured that it would be best to just say it. “Uhm, Chicago.”

Carmilla looked up and over at her dad, trying to figure out his reaction, but his face was stone cold straight.

Ric nodded, “Well I think that’s the end of my interrogation. I’m going to go pay the check.” He stood from his seat, taking his plate with him.

Laura let out a breath, slumping back in her seat.

Carmilla looked at her worriedly as she reached over and covered her hand with her own. “You aren’t okay.” she said, it wasn’t a question.

Laura shook her head, “I’m fine.”

“You don’t need to lie to me, Laura.” Carmilla said, leaning closer to speak. “You tried to impress my father tonight, as if you wanted to convince him of something.”

Laura moved away, looking up to see Ric coming back. “We’ll talk later.” she said before standing up from her seat and pushing the chair in.

Carmilla nodded, following suit. She had a feeling that it was going to be a long night.

“Is there anywhere I can drop you off, Laura?” Ric asked as they pulled out of the parking lot.

Laura fiddled with the skirt of her dress, itching to take it off. She had her bag hidden underneath the boardwalk. “You can just drop me off at the boardwalk if it’s not too much trouble.”

Ric shook his head, looking back at them in the rearview mirror. “No trouble at all.”

Carmilla looked up from where she was holding Laura’s hand, it was a bit more relaxed now. “Yeah Dad, you can drop me off there too.”

Ric’s jaw tightened as he nodded, “Sure thing.”

After dropping them off, Laura turned to Carmilla. “He wasn’t happy about leaving you here with me.”

Carmilla’s brow furrowed, “He was fine. Why do you think he wouldn’t want me to be alone with you?” She didn’t realize she was asking too much.

Laura’s eyes widened slightly at the question. She couldn’t just ignore her like she wanted to, so she settled for vague. “It’s just that your his only kid and he doesn’t want you to get tangled up in anything.” She climbed off of the boardwalk to leave Carmilla even more confused as she went in search of her bag. She couldn’t get out of that dress fast enough.

She soon heard the sound of Carmilla following. “What do you mean tangled up?”

Laura rolled her eyes, why did the one girl she really liked have to be the most stubborn? She was already stubborn enough for the both of them. “Can we just drop it? I don’t want to talk about it.” Not until she had a drink and a change of clothes at least, but knowing Carmilla and the lack of booze, she would have to settle for the latter.

They stopped suddenly, Carmilla nearly running into the back of Laura.

Laura got down on her knees, ignoring the fact that the dress was riding up, she just hoped it would rip in the process.

“Laur, what are you doing?” Carmilla asked as she watched the girl crawl under the boardwalk.

“Just getting something.” Laura called back. She was aggravated and tired and she wished that Carmilla had gone home with her dad.

She pulled out her bag and went in search of a pair of clothes. She decided on board shorts and a t-shirt. In the summer she didn’t have to be a greaser. It was nice in the fall and winter, but leather was hot and not to mention constricting.

Carmilla’s brow furrowed, “Why do you have a bag of clothes hidden on the beach?”

Laura pulled off the cardigan and quickly tugged on the shirt. It was dark enough now to hide her scars in the shadows. She slipped the dress down her legs, kicking it off, and pulling the shorts on.

Carmilla watched her, still waiting for an answer.

Laura threw the dress into a nearby trashcan and dropped down into the sand, letting out a heavy sigh. This was it, tell all and scare Carmilla away, or say nothing and watch Carmilla walk away. She wasn’t sure which would hurt more.

Carmilla sat down beside her. They have been doing whatever it was they were doing for a month now, and she still knew little to nothing about Laura. She didn’t even know what they were. She wasn’t interested in anybody else, and she’s pretty sure Laura isn’t seeing anyone, but were they girlfriends? Carmilla hadn’t voiced any of her insecurities because she was afraid to hit a nerve, but this was going on for too long, and she needed more stability for this to work. She figured now was as good a time as any.

Laura leaned back on her hands, staring out at the waves crashing into the shore. “It’s a long story.” She finally spoke.

Carmilla looked over at her, curiosity clear in her eyes, “I’ve got time.”

Laura shook her head, “No you don’t. We have to get going soon if you want to get home by curfew.”

Carmilla rolled her eyes, “Forget my curfew, this is more important to me.”

Laura looked up, meeting her eyes, the moon’s glow reflecting off of them. She guessed everything dark had some light in it.

They broke eye contact, Laura looking away first as she felt Carmilla’s eyes bore into the side of her head. Laura couldn’t look at her, not to tell this story; her story.

“There’s a reason people look at me a certain way, the reason your dad doesn’t like me.” She started. She had never told anyone this because she never had to. By the time she got home last September it was the talk of the city. Everyone knew what had happened down the shore that summer whether the Hollis’ liked it or not, and they all started to point fingers. Laura closed her eyes, willing the images of last winter to go away.

Carmilla shook her head, “My dad likes you.”

Laura smiled sadly, not bothering to correct her. “Last summer my father was found dead in a locked garage, the car still on. The exhaust killed him.” She said with a tremor in her voice. She would not cry though, she had done enough crying over her dad’s death, and she wouldn’t start now in front of Carmilla.

Carmilla sat shocked. What was she supposed to say? “Laura, I’m so sorry.”

Laura shrugged, “The police ruled it as a suicide, but people loved him and didn’t really think he did it, so they blamed my mother of killing him.”

Carmilla’s eyes widened, “That’s awful!”

Laura continued, “If you knew my mother you would understand. She isn’t the kindest woman in the world, hell she’s nowhere near close. When my father was alive she was hard on me, but it was nothing like how she is now.”

Carmilla was trying to piece it together. Was her mother the reason Laura had a bag of clothes on the beach? What did her mother do to her to keep her from going home?

“Two months after we got home, everyone had already found out about what happened and that’s all anyone talked about. Mother wasn’t happy obviously and when she found me kissing a girl in my room she was less than pleased.” Laura said, wrapping her arms around her knees and pulling them into her chest.

Carmilla felt her heart breaking for this girl in front of her. She didn’t know what she could say to make things better because there was nothing she could say that would make the past change.

“At first it was just passive aggressiveness like it always had been, but soon she started making comments about the way I dressed and asking why I couldn’t just be normal, that I was selfish and only wanted the attention being gay would give me.” Laura said through a shaky breath. “But soon it turned into slurs and threats. I didn’t know what to do, but I knew that if I stayed at home it would only get worse, so that’s why I have a bag of clothes on the beach.”

Carmilla waited for Laura to say more, but when she didn’t she smiled at her sadly. “Thank you for telling me all of that, I know it couldn’t have been easy.”

Laura nodded, still not looking at her.

Carmilla frowned, “Why won’t you look at me?”

Laura stood to her feet, “I think I should walk you home, it’s getting late.”

Carmilla looked up at her from where she sat in the sand. “You didn’t answer my question.”

Laura sighed, looking up at the sky trying to find the moon. She never hated it as much as she did in this moment. She couldn’t help but wish she was a beautiful thing that everyone looked at in awe, but instead she was like the sun, too harsh to look at and overlooked; she always had been. “I’m no good for you Carm okay? And no I’m not saying this because I want what’s best for you or because I’m trying to be the good guy, I’m just trying to push you away before I can hurt you.” Like she hurt her dad.

Carmilla’s brows knitted together in confusion as she stood to her feet. “Only I can decide what’s good for me. You would never purposefully hurt me.”

Laura shook her head, “That’s where you’re wrong. I’m selfish and careless, you would hate me if I wasn’t alone. If you met me during the school year you wouldn’t give me the time of day.” All words her mother had fed to her since winter, all things she was starting to believe.

Carmilla shook her head, “I don’t believe that for a second.” Oh how wrong she was.

Laura stayed silent. There was nothing that she could say that would make Carmilla think differently.

Carmilla clenched her hands into fists at her sides, closing her eyes tightly so that she saw stars before opening them. “My mom died.” she said. “Four years ago.”

Laura nodded, she had expected that much. The way Carmilla never talked about her, and the absence of the woman that she had seen in the picture, painted a sad story of a lost family member. She looked down at her feet, “Why are you telling me this?”

“Because you just told me everything you didn’t want to tell anyone.” Carmilla said. She waited a moment before continuing, “She had hit her head after slipping on some ice outside of our house. She went to lie down and she never woke up.”

Laura listened intently, “I’m so sorry to hear that.”

“I thought it was my fault for the longest time, my dad was away on a business trip and I was supposed to shovel the walkway, but I didn’t shovel all of it and it turned into ice.” Carmilla said. “I still think it’s my fault.”

Laura shook her head, “But it’s not your fault.”

Carmilla shook her head, holding up a hand. “My point is that we all have a past that we’d rather forget but we have to live with them. Forgetting them won’t work, hanging onto it won’t help either, but if we just agree that they’re there and that we’ve made poor decisions it can be easier.”

Laura nodded, she never really thought of it that way.

Carmilla reached out for Laura’s hand. “And I don’t want you to feel like you have to impress my dad. Whether he likes you or not because of what everyone else says, you shouldn’t make yourself wear something you’re not comfortable in.”

They shared a smile, their first genuine one all evening.

“Besides, I think you look pretty hot right now.” Carmilla said.

Laura grinned, wrapping an arm around Carmilla’s shoulder. “Let’s get you home.”

Carmilla would offer her the couch in the living room, but she knew that she would say no, so she swallowed the words and enjoyed the little bit of contentment they had.

“All I’m saying is that Leonardo DiCaprio deserves that Oscar for What’s Eating Gilbert Grape!” Laura said as they walked through the amusement park.

“And all I’m saying is that he totally should’ve gotten it for Django Unchained.” Carmilla said casually as she stopped in her tracks to remove her flannel, leaving her in a tank top and shorts.

Laura was about to say something but froze when she saw the stretch of skin that was revealed when Carmilla’s tank top rode up.

“Cat got your tongue, cutie?” Carmilla asked when she noticed.

Laura could feel her cheeks flush as she quickly looked away. “What? Oh look the line to the ferris wheel isn’t too long now.”

Carmilla laughed as she tied her flannel around her waist before grabbing Laura’s hand and pulling her towards the ride. “I think I’m going to call you cutie for now on.”

Laura pushed her back into the bed, kissing down her jaw as she did so.

Carmilla sighed, her hands pulling Laura’s hair out of it’s pony tail and tangling her hands through the now slightly wavy locks.

They were in Laura’s room again, her dad had left for the day for a business meeting.

Carmilla moved her hands out of Laura’s hair and down her back, tugging on the shorter girl’s shirt to remove it.

Laura pulled away.

Carmilla leaned up on her elbows, breathing heavy. “Are you okay?”

Laura nodded slowly, “Yeah, I’m fine.”

“Cause you moved away pretty fast when I tried to take your shirt off.” Carmilla continued.

Laura stared down at the comforter, tracing the pattern with her eyes as she tried to think up an excuse, but she didn’t want to give one. Normally she didn’t want anyone to see them, but with Carmilla she wasn’t disgusted by the idea, because for once she knew that Carmilla didn’t see her as a damaged canvas, but a beautiful one. At least that’s how she made her feel.

Laura tentatively reached down, pulling the hem of the shirt up and over her head, dropping it off the side of the bed.

Carmilla stared up at her in awe, her eyes scanning over the planes of her stomach before her eyes landed on her shoulders, little white scars pocked her skin. She leaned up, reaching out a hand, but before touching her she looked up at Laura to make sure she was okay. When Laura nodded, Carmilla ran her hands up Laura’s arms as she leaned forward, pressing her lips to each scar counting them as she went. 8, there were 8 burn marks left from cigarette butts. Carmilla closed her eyes tightly so that she wouldn’t cry. Laura deserved the world, she deserved everything that wasn’t given to her.

Laura pushed Carmilla back down and kissed her, unzipping her shorts. “This is okay right?” she asked, sitting back on her knees to make sure.

Carmilla nodded, pulling her close. “Yes.”

Laura smiled, and as she pulled Carmilla’s shorts down her legs, leaving a trail of kisses behind, she couldn’t help but think that she had never been happier.

Carmilla lay next to Laura, trailing a finger over her clavicle, dipping into the hollow and back out again. “Be my girlfriend.”

Laura opened her eyes; had she heard her right? “What?” she asked, just to be sure.

Carmilla looked up from her ministrations, “Be my girlfriend.”

Laura frowned, staring up at the ceiling. Carmilla’s father would be home soon and the sun was setting, the light coming in through the curtains and spilling out across the hardwood floor, dust particles dancing in it like a halo. “Are you sure?” she found herself asking.

Carmilla’s hand froze as she looked up through her bangs. “I wouldn’t be asking you if I wasn’t.”

Laura looked down to meet her eyes. She let out a nervous breath as she nodded, “Okay.”

“Okay?” Carmilla asked, raising her eyebrow.

Laura grinned, pressing a kiss to her hair. “Yes, I’ll be your girlfriend.”

Carmilla grinned, rolling over onto Laura and grabbing her face in her hands, kissing her soundly.

The next two weeks were spent in relaxed euphoria. Laura would go to work in the morning, and by the afternoon Carmilla was there to pick her up. They would spend their time together either relaxing on the beach or going to the movies. This week was the 70s.

“I just hate that she changed for him, and don’t even get me started on his sad excuse to change. That letterman cardigan or whatever the fuck came off almost immediately after he saw her in leather.” Carmilla grumbled as they walked towards the boardwalk hand in hand.

Laura fought the urge to smile, “The whole movie was so good and then they crumble to society’s expectations and then fly off in an ugly ass car.” She said, agreeing with her girlfriend.

Carmilla smiled, nodding her head rapidly. “Those writers and director have so much to answer for.”

Laura chuckled, a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. She knew what it was, she figured it out a week ago. Looking up at the sky to see the sun setting, Laura couldn’t think of ever wanting to see the sunrise until now, because she wasn’t alone and she was ass over head in love with the girl who stood before her.

Carmilla stopped talking when Laura pulled them to a stop. This was wrong. There were so many reasons that Laura should just keep her big mouth shut, but she didn’t. “I love you.” she blurted out, looking up at Carmilla’s soft and sharp face.

They only had another week together before the summer ended and they would go separate ways, but she wanted Carmilla to know.

Carmilla’s brows raised in shock before lowering in relief. “I love you too.” She whispered, because it was their moment, and she didn’t want to have to share it with anyone.

Laura smiled as she leaned in, kissing Carmilla softly before whispering it against her lips again. “I love you.”

Carmilla felt tears drop onto her cheeks, knowing that it wasn’t her who was crying. “I love you too.”

Ric walked into the kitchen, making a double take when he saw Carmilla sitting at the table eating cereal. “You’re actually home.” he observed.

“It’s 9am, where else would I be?” She asked, looking up confused.

Ric shrugged, pouring himself a cup of coffee. “Usually you’re in bed until after I leave for work.”

Carmilla shrugged going back to eating her cereal.

Ric sat down across from her. “Don’t you think you’re spending an awful lot of time with her?”

Carmilla rolled her eyes, “Her name is Laura and I’d hope so considering she’s my girlfriend.”

Ric’s jaw tightened, “I don’t know what she’s told you, if she’s told you anything at all, but her family isn’t a good one.”

Carmilla closed her eyes, imagining a faceless woman laugh and press lit cigarette’s into Laura’s skin. Would she pull back her shirt first or just burn a hole right through the fabric? “I hardly see how that says anything about her.” She said icily, a warning for Ric to drop the subject, but he was as insistent as she was stubborn.

“She grew up with them, she learned right from wrong from them. Children are impressionable, she more than likely has gained some of her mother’s characteristics.” Ric said.

Carmilla grounded her teeth together, so he did know; or at least the fucked up version that the public was spewing. She dropped her spoon, letting it clatter against the ceramic bowl harshly.

Ric watched her, a bit taken aback but not surprised by her temper. She had a short fuse just like her mother had.

“That’s pretty hypocritical considering you married mom and had a kid with her. She never turned out like grandpa, in fact she was the complete opposite.” She said angrily, her hands clenching into fists.

Ric nearly growled, “Leave your mother out of it. She’s different.”

“And why isn’t Laura different?” Carmilla asked, frustrated.

“Because you’re a kid and you don’t understand what it means to commit social suicide. Being with Laura, loving her is social suicide.”

Carmilla stood up, throwing back her chair. “Fuck social suicide!” She then turned on her heel and stormed out. She could wait for Laura on the beach.

“Hey, buttercup.” Laura greeting, leaning in and pressing a kiss to the corner of Carmilla’s lips. She pulled back, “Carm, what’s wrong?”

Carmilla shook her head, “Nothing, just got in an argument with my dad this morning.”

Laura frowned, she had a feeling she knew exactly what caused this fight. They weren’t like her fights with her mother though. Carmilla didn’t have little forget-me-nots that stained her cheeks and flushed her skin.

Carmilla saw the faraway look in her eye and gripped her hand, squeezing it three times to tell her she loved her. Actions were always louder than words.

Laura’s lips quirked up sadly as they leaned against the railing. Tucking a stray curl behind Carmilla’s ear she pressed her lips into a straight line. “He won’t have to worry for too long, summer’s over in a few days. Time to go home and be human.”

Carmilla shook her head, “You mean become what everyone wants you to be?”

Laura looked out to the sea, she always missed it most when she left, but looking back at Carmilla she knew that the ocean paled in comparison. “Is there a difference?” she asked.

Carmilla nodded, “If you want there to be.”

Laura knew that Carmilla was no longer talking about her dad or society, she was talking about them.” “Carm-“

Carmilla cut her off, holding up a hand. “We don’t have to talk about it now.”

No, but they would in two days, because in three they’ll be saying goodbye.

“Do you think you’ll come back down here after you graduate?” Carmilla asked from her place on the blanket.

It was their last night together, and they were spending it stargazing in their spot.

Laura shrugged. She wasn’t too sure, but if her mother was going to be here, she wanted to be on the opposite coast. “Probably not.” She said.

Carmilla looked up, turning their hands over on her chest, bringing Laura’s up to kiss the back of it. She got an idea, “You know, this whole time down the shore and I have yet to make a sandcastle.”

“You want to make a sandcastle now?” Laura asked skeptically.

Carmilla grinned, standing up. “Why I think that would be an ingenious idea, Laura.”

Laura smirked, sitting up. “You’ll keep me young, you know that?”

Carmilla laughed, “Please, you’re a week older than me.”

Laura continued to sit there, staring up at her girlfriend.

This was it.

Laura wanted to remember everything.

Carmilla rolled her eyes and held out a hand to help Laura up. “Come on, let go for one night and just be foolishly in love with me.”

Laura took her hand, standing and pulling her close. “I can do that.”

Their lips a breath apart, Carmilla mumbled, “I love you.” against her lips.

“I love you too.” Laura said, pressing their lips together, hoping that if she kissed her hard enough that Carmilla’s lips would be imprinted on hers.

Carmilla pulled away first, “Well it’s not going to build itself.”

Laura loosened her grip around Carmilla’s waist, “I guess not.”

“I’m thinking the Taj Mahal.” Carmilla said, spanning out her hands to measure the space in front of them.

Laura chuckled, “Sure thing.”

They watched as half of the castle caved in on itself.

“Okay, so it’s not an exact replica, but-“ Laura started to say as Carmilla shut her up with a kiss.

Pulling away, Laura rested her forehead on Carmilla’s. “What was that for?”

“For being an amazing girlfriend and making our last night together perfect.” Carmilla said as she moved back and pulled her phone out of her pocket, “I want to remember this.”

Laura rolled her eyes, “You have enough pictures of me.”

“But not of our masterpiece.” Carmilla said, pointing down at their less than accurate representation of what could look like the Taj Mahal if you closed your eyes and turned away imagining India instead.

Laura sighed dramatically, “Fine, but only because it’s you.” Carmilla could get her to do anything.

Carmilla raised her phone, turning the flash on. When she went to take a picture of Laura standing next to their sandcastle, Laura backed up too far and tripped, falling into it.

Carmilla burst out laughing, kneeling down to help Laura up. “Never have I met a bigger dork.” she said between fits of giggles.

Laura ignored her, brushing the sand out of her hair, before grumpily looking up at her girlfriend. The sheer look of glee that covered Carmilla’s face sent Laura’s stomach dropping down to her feet and her heart to jump into her throat.

Carmilla stopped laughing, “What?”

Laura shook her head, “Nothing.” But it was something, hell it was everything. Carmilla was everything to her, and tomorrow they would be saying goodbye.

Laura rolled over on the blanket, sitting up. She had walked Carmilla back to her house right before curfew; they had wanted to spend their last night together as much as possible.

The sun was already beating down on her, meaning it had to have been past 9am. She quickly sat up, Carmilla would be leaving in an hour. Stuffing the blanket into her bag and throwing it beneath the boardwalk, she set off in a jog down the beach before climbing up onto it and making her way down the street.

Ric was out coming out of the house, two boxes stacked in his arms with a phone pressed between cheek and shoulder. “Yeah we’re leaving in about twenty minutes.”

Twenty minutes?! Laura picked up her pace, walking past Ric who acted like he didn’t see her, and into the house. She found Carmilla in her room boxing up her movies. She was wearing a floral button down and ripped shorts.

Laura was going to miss everything about her.

“Florals? For Summer? Groundbreaking.” Laura said as she walked into the bare bedroom.

Carmilla turned around and smiled. “Hey.”

Laura smiled sadly in return, “Hey.”

Carmilla placed the rest of her movies into a box, before moving over to Laura and hugging her close.

Laura stared straight ahead out the window behind them, wrapping her arms tightly around Carmilla’s shoulders.

“I’m going to miss you so much.” Carmilla mumbled into her chest.

Laura moved one hand up to run her fingers soothingly through the taller girl’s hair.

They had talked about what would happen to them after that day, but the facts were clear. They both needed the closeness that the other couldn’t give from miles away. Carmilla would be going back to Canada, and Laura to Chicago. Skype calls and packages just weren’t going to replace what they had for the past two and a half months.

“This is the end, isn’t it Laura?”

Laura shook her head, “Of course not Carm, it’s only the beginning.” She knew that she was lying. They were over, and they would most likely never see each other again, but she told Carmilla what she wanted to hear; it was for the better.

Carmilla pulled back, “You don’t have to lie to me.”

Laura sighed heavily. What was she supposed to say, the truth? The truth only ever gotten her into trouble.

Carmilla kissed her sweetly before pulling away and turning back to her boxes. “Can you help me load the truck?”

Laura nodded, “Of course.” Because Carmilla could get her to do anything.

They stood beside the truck, Ric already in the driver’s seat waiting on Carmilla.

“Hey, I got you something.” Laura said, reaching into her back pocket to pull out a box. “It’ s not much.” But it did take three weeks salary to get it.

Carmilla opened the box as her mouth gapped open. She pulled out a silver locket in the shape of a heart. “Laur, it’s beautiful!” she said in awe. She opened it to find a photo of them that they had taken after watching 10 Things I Hate About You with their ice cream in hand.

Laura shrugged, “I just wanted you to remember this summer, to remember me I guess.” This was stupid, she sounded stupid.

Carmilla smiled, teary eyed. “Can you put it on for me?”

Laura nodded, taking the locket from her as Carmilla turned away so that she could hook it into its clasp.

Carmilla pressed a hand to it, holding it close to her chest as she turned back around. “I love it.” and after a moment, “I love you.”

Laura gulped. Their last words to each other would be this, somehow it was bittersweet. She wasn’t so sure that a bottle of Listerine the size of Nevada would wash away the taste of Carmilla; she didn’t want it to.

“I love you too.” Laura said, leaning in and pressing a chaste kiss to Carmilla’s lips.

Carmilla held up a finger before going into the back of the truck for something. She came back with a stack of printed photos. She looked up at Laura sheepishly, “I made copies.” she handed them over to her.

Laura flipped through a few, laughing when she saw them at the amusement park, Laura hanging onto the ferris wheel cage for dear life. A photo of Laura sleeping with Carmilla laying on her chest smiling. A photo of Laura with ice cream smeared over her lips. A photo of last night, the two of them laughing so hard they couldn’t breath, sand still dusting Laura’s clothes and hair.

Laura looked up, fighting back the tears that were threatening to spill. Not now, not in front of Carmilla. She had to be strong. “Thank you.”

Carmilla smiled, “For what?”

“For giving me a summer that I can actually look back on.” Laura said.

Carmilla nodded, before kissing her one last time.

They figured that this was their last time ever seeing each other, and they couldn’t think of a better way to end what they had.

Oh how they both were terribly wrong.