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It was time. Her blood coursed through her veins like a raging river, her nerves giving the push she needed to go through with it. She has to tell him. Too much time has gone by now. Too many changes were catalyzing a shift in the gang bringing their future, whatever that was, further into uncertainty. No more holding back. No more silent hope.
Tilly fidgeted as she gripped the fabric of her skirt. She didn't know what to do with herself, though she knew precisely what to say. Her words were always concise and sure, never one for superfluous conversation. The hard part was getting what needed saying out into the open to unburden her mind any longer.
As she made her way to Arthur's tent, her feet felt heavy like they were trudging through wet sand. As she drew nearer to the tent she saw the canvas flaps were rolled down, with faint orange light peeking through the narrow openings. Seeing this made her hesitate. Perhaps he needed to be left alone, she thought, knowing he rarely closes his wagon up.
"Arthur?"
His name was meek on her lips. Her fingers grazed the edge of one of the flaps, waiting for a response. She heard shuffling and feared she'd woken him.
"Come on in."
With a sigh of relief she parted the canvas and entered, only to quickly whip around and turn her back to him. She lifted her hand to her face as she felt a flurry of butterflies in her stomach.
"Oh my! I'm sorry, Arthur! I didn't mean to intrude on your bathing."
Without a hint of bashfulness, he stood bare with nothing but a towel in front of his loins. Though she was quick to respond, the image of him was etched into her mind. His skin was dewy, hair damp and stuck to his face and neck, and the glow of the lantern did nothing to shadow the musculature of his body. He let out a soft chuckle and cleared his throat. He tried to soften the smirk on his face at her endearing reaction so as not to embarrass her, but it was futile.
"That's quite alright, Tilly. I don't mind." He realized that perhaps she might mind, and that he might be too comfortable.
He always felt at ease with her, but they never shared a moment quite like this. His mind was running many thoughts at once, second-guessing his reaction, or lack there of. It was difficult for him to keep a straight face, the smile curling his lips up further. Whatever aches and tiredness his bath hadn't dissipated were soothed by her presence.
Truth be told Tilly did not mind, but out of respect she waited for his permission before facing him. Her breathing became rapid and she tried to quiet herself. A feeling of shame started to wash over her. Maybe she should have stepped out and given him privacy. But he didn't ask her to leave. She turned her head slowly to the right before her body caught up with her to face him. It took her eyes longer to meet his as the anticipation did nothing to calm her nerves. It was then she was reminded of how intense his eyes were and that she wanted nothing more than to stare into them for hours. She worried her bottom lip.
His eyes darted to her lips briefly before coming up to meet her eyes. Of all the times they've engaged, he never felt more captured by the beauty in them. He raised a hand and ran it through his damp hair, fussing it about to try and dry it. After realizing he hadn't moved the towel since she entered, he carefully secured it around his waist.
"Where are my manners? I'm the one who should apologize. Ain't decent of me." He felt a little foolish now.
The brutish, cold exterior he was so skilled in feigning was impossible to fathom in such a moment as this. Tilly always saw his true self, no matter the situation, and she thanked the heavens he was always honest and open with her. She lifted her hands as if to wave off the apology, parting her lips to say what she'd be aching to all this time, when he continued.
"I'm sorry...truth is I've never felt more comfortable with anyone else. I see the absurdity with my current presentation, but I mean it."
Tilly grinned at his words, feeling flush with an anxious heat. She couldn't deny how seeing him nearly naked made her feel, but hearing him open up to her so intimately amplified the feelings stirring in her. The lingering feeling of whether or not she should've excused herself from his tent had faded. The fact that he never alluded to it either only flared the heat coursing through her.
With a sigh of relief she bowed her head, a cheeky grin spreading across her face. "Well, absurd isn't the word I'd use. But thank you", her head moving up slowly to meet his gaze again, "for telling me."
Perhaps she said all she needed to now, simply by coming to him. She didn't feel complete relief, as though speaking her mind was the only cure for the ailment of her heart and mind. But in this moment his very presence was like a balm for her worries.
After an eternity of losing themselves in each other's gaze, Arthur extended an open hand to her. It took Tilly a second to register his invite and her heart skipped.
"Stay with me a little longer, will you?", his voice was low, like a purr.
She nodded slightly and turned away to tie the tent flaps together. Gripping the canvas, she closed her eyes and felt relief. Or was it sanctuary? There was no where else she could be now that could make her feel more at home. She bit her bottom lip again before facing him. It was all she could do to keep herself from bounding into his arms. Rendered speechless and letting her heart lead, she reached out and put her hand in his as he gently pulled her towards him.
It's as though time had stopped and they'd found each other. After years of living this life, oftentimes cruel and fleeting, they'd found the home they yearned for. They were two halves longing for the other to make them whole. Neither one realizing it was there with them all along. After all, she was always his. And he was always hers. It was time.