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Jinx wanted the pain of his trauma to mix with the pleasure of her love for him. Something to soothe the nerves as he flinched with disgust over that day, the day Jinx will never be able to experience with him.
He had night terrors more often now. Often, he’d toss and turn in the night, sweat beading along his forehead and soaking up the bedsheets. Not even her presence could alleviate his pain. She’d crawl into his bed, having heard his grunts from her room, and cuddle up close.
The last time she tried to wake him up from a night terror, he snatched a knife from under his pillow and nearly went to slice Jinx’s throat.
She didn’t mind the flash of panic that struck her mind, but when she saw him crumble for the first time in so long, she nearly wept. His eyes watered, and he trembled at the sight of her.
“Oh God,” he whispered and dropped the knife, pulling her in for a hug. “Oh God, I’m sorry. I could never… I couldn’t…. Not you. I could never hurt you. I’m sorry.”
The hug was almost soul crushing. She patted him awkwardly, not a shred of care for being on the verge of death. It’s not the thought of dying because of him that made her afraid, but it was the mere fact that he’d lost his composure in such a way. He never allowed himself to fall apart in front of others, especially not Jinx.
But he sobbed that night. He wept on her shoulder. And she eventually held him. She wrapped her arms around his torso and nuzzled into his neck, whispering soft nothings.
“It’s okay. You’re okay. Remember that, old man? You used to tell me that.”
Not even a laugh. Not a smile she could hear in his sobs. Not anything. Just tears drenching her bare shoulder. Of all the times, she’d felt hopeless in her life, she couldn’t help but feel so much smaller under the weight of his misery.
It was all a blur. It was as if everything that led up to this moment didn't even exist. There Jinx was, standing naked with only a towel to starve off his eyes. His breath was caught in his throat, eyes wide and fixated on the shortness of the cloth. He gulped, panic seeping into his thoughts. She dropped the towel, uneasiness rattling her nerves. It was all or nothing.
They stood there for a second, and Silco drank in the sight. “Why did you call me in here?” He managed to say. The shock of seeing her faded as the instinct to act accordingly kicked in. Whatever accordingly meant to him now, in this moment, was uncertain.
“I want to help you,” she said softly.
Silco scoffed. “Help me? What in the world are you talking about?”
Jinx walked towards him and swiftly wrapped her arms around his waist. Silco nearly jumped back but the door behind him was closed, so he ended up bumping into it. He stumbled and awkwardly fell back to where he had to support himself up by the elbows against the door.
She giggled as his lower body was more pressed up against her. She took a step back for him to regain his balance.
“You still think about what Vander did to you, don’t you?”
Silco opened his mouth to say something but decided against it with a sigh. He straightened himself up and didn’t meet Jinx’s gaze. “Let’s not talk about it right now.”
“Why? It’s important to you, isn’t it?”
“I’m asking you to drop it, Jinx.”
Jinx huffed and then sat at the edge of the bathtub. She leaned back with her hands holding onto the edge for balance.
“Careful, you might fall,” Silco said without thinking.
“Come catch me then.”
Jinx leaned further back and dipped her hand in the tub. The sound of water splashing could be heard off her fingertips, and upon closer look, Silco noticed the tub was half full.
“Exactly… what are you planning?”
“I want you to forget about that day,” she said with a purr to accent her words. “It’s only us, right? So, let me help you replace those memories with something else.”
As she said this, Jinx slowly opened her legs apart for him. She was shaved down with the exception of a couple of hairs that she may have possibly missed. Silco looked away, attention desperately trying to fixate on the lights above the mirror. He cussed under his breath. “Jinx- I- No. Close your legs. I’m leaving.”
“No, you’re not. You’ve already seen it, now you can’t go. Think about how awkward it’ll be later,” she whined as if this were some kind of prank.
“Jinx-”
“Daddy, please? Let me help you.”
“I-”
“For us?” Jinx began to pout. Her eyes are full of longing and gentleness. This urge that shocked him nearly made him nauseous. His hands were fidgeting between clenching them and leaving them open by his sides. He made a turn for the door but couldn’t put his hand on the knob.
“I’ll make it go away,” she made a final attempt. He could hear her gliding her finger through the water. The thought of seeing her legs open flashed through his mind, and it tempted him eagerly. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “This isn’t what I want from you.”
“I want it.”
“No, you don’t-”
Then suddenly Jinx was back against him. This time she had pulled him around and closed the gap between them with a kiss. Her lips were so soft. He melted to it and felt the immediate dread that mixed in with his urges. He wanted to call her name again, to tell her to stop, but she wouldn’t allow him. She grabbed his hand and pulled it down so that it’d touch her sensitive parts. He strained himself, but she pulled harder.
“Take me,” she whispered. “Take me and you’ll only have me to remember by.”
She opened her eyes as she pulled away from his lips. Their lips were centimeters apart, just waiting for another kiss. No words could be found within his mind to tell her all his worries, all his desires and fears. He simply stopped searching and instead took her hand as she walked them to the tub.
It was surprisingly easy to get Silco to give in. He continued to resist but the more time passed, Silco was on his knees, eating out of the palm of her hand. She had her legs wrapped around him and their kisses deepened. She moaned and that sent chills down his spine. He pressed into the kiss further and had to quickly catch himself with the palm of his hand against the wall.
“Drown me,” she moaned. Silco’s heart skipped a beat. “What?” He gasped, pulling away from the kiss and pressing his forehead to hers. Had he heard that right? “Drown out your fears. Drown them through me.”
“Jinx, are you crazy?”
Jinx smirked. “I don’t need to answer that.”
“I can’t! I would never!”
Jinx placed her hand against his cheek, pulling his attention back towards her before he slipped away into endless worry. “Don’t actually drown me, silly. Just,” she twisted her lips to the side and looked up to the corner of the ceiling as if the words she’s looking for are there. “Think of it as like one of your metaphors of life, okay? You push me in the water and vent all that anger out. Then ya know, pull me back up so I don’t die. Easy.” She looked back at him with a grin.
Silco wasn’t even sure how to breathe right anymore. He gawked at her and straightened up a bit, putting more distance between them. This made her shrink a little under him.
She was so batshit fucked for thinking this. Her silliness mixed with the thoughts of potential death made the impact of her suggestion almost laughable. He took a moment to soak in her presence. He didn’t realize his mouth went dry.
Silco sighed. There wasn’t much he could do at this point. Jinx was more than capable of getting whatever she wanted, with or without his consent.
“Is this really what you want?”
“Yes. Let me free you.” Jinx’s eyes lit up.
Silco couldn’t help but let out a snort. She was talking like him now. When did they become so in sync with each other? Guess being together for over a decade does that to people.
“Okay,” he said.
But then she pointed at him, square in the face and serious, before she said, “don’t hold back. You’re not allowed to hold back.”
Silco kisses Jinx’s finger then slips down to slot himself into her arms where she pulls him in with both hands on his cheeks. He grumbles something inaudible and scoops her up by her ass just high enough to angle her on the bathtub better. He kissed down her neck.
He wanted to savor the taste of her skin on his lips. His mind flashed towards that day, and he cursed himself for letting those thoughts invade his mind as he was kissing the woman he loved.
The thoughts kept surging back. They flooded his mind with each kiss, and he had to consciously think of telling them to shut up.
Out of impulse for the one thought of Vander’s face as he yells out in pain, Silco put both his hands on her neck. He pushed her down into the water and held her down, just enough to stroke her neck with his thumbs. He gritted his teeth, looking down at her shaky reflection in the water. The water didn’t reflect his rage.
He tried to think of caressing her neck, to let her know somehow that he wasn’t going to kill her. He wanted to see how well she’d handle the first few seconds into the water.
The intakes of his breath were sharp. His glare deepened as the intrusion physically began to hurt him. He kept his grip firm.
Surprisingly she lasted a while. Eventually the water grew agitated. Jinx clawed at the bathtub until her nails found his flesh, scraping him for quits. He hissed and pulled her up. She gasped for air. Dribbles of spit escaped from her lips as she coughed.
There was a pang in Silco’s heart over seeing her in this way, but she reassured him with a loving giggle. It was a chaotic one, the kind that says something is wrong, but it was comforting to him. He knew Jinx. This was his only Jinx.
“Are you okay?”
“Fine! Peachy. I’m with you after all. Is it helping?”
She reached over to him and leaned in for a deep kiss, reaching down and stroking over his groin. His startled moan made Jinx giggle even more, licking his lips before pulling away. “Another round?”
He hesitated at first, unsure of himself. For a few brief moments, he simply kissed on her without answering. Before Jinx could ask what was wrong, he pushed her back in. This time with a little more force but not too much that it may frighten her.
His mind flashed back to Vander. To the toxic waters that poison his very veins right now. He thought of the possibilities of what could have been. The fish nibbling on his corpse, the way his body would float without an ounce of sympathy to his name - all of it eroded his desire. He flinched and gasped at the intrusive thought of his face practically eaten away, but he never let go of Jinx. She can’t know he may lose himself; it’ll only make her nervous.
She scratched him again, without an inkling of warning, and right at the second of another flashback. A flicker of Vander’s face just before his attempt to drown him. A flicker of the murky pollution that blocked his vision, a sense of death.
The waters were always just a door. An angel always peeked through to see who goes in and who goes out. Very rarely do people go out, but Jinx was constantly knocking on that door. When she was halfway in, she always told the angel to wait. She always made that angel wait.
Jinx’s sharp gasp was enough to bring Silco back to the present. Her coughs were getting rougher, hoarse and tiring. Silco leaned in beneath her, his eyes scanning for any sign at all to call it off. They could go back to the bedroom if all she wanted was attention.
This time she leaped onto him. He nearly knocks his head against the bathroom floor, but he braces himself enough to not let himself go down all the way. She kisses him wildly, grinding against his stomach. “Put it in. Stop holding back.”
Silco pulled away from the kiss. A string of saliva was connected between them, dripping down Jinx’s chin. “It doesn’t have to be this.”
“You don’t like it when I hold back, do you?” Jinx peers into his eyes, pressing her forehead against his and her giggles are manic. “I don’t hold back. So you shouldn’t either.”
Silco trembled beneath her; his eyes dilated from the intensity of her stare.
“Do the worst thing you can imagine,” she grunted. Her breathing heavy and full of excitement as if this were the most exhilarating thing she’s ever done in her life. Silco felt his nerves getting to him, fighting him to stop. He pushed them down, pushed her down. Deep into the water he drowned those thoughts out with her. In her gasping moments, she carried his doubts. And she thrived off the burning pain of not being able to breathe.
Silco felt himself beginning to shake. The worst thing came to mind just looking at her naked body this way. She knew where she wanted to lead him. And he had to obey it.
He propped himself up so her legs were spread around him. He practically loomed over her, one hand wrapped around her neck while the other was struggling to undo his pants. Silco clumsily pulled down his zipper, reached in and pulled out his erection.
Jinx scratched his arm with one swipe of her nails. He flinched and loosened his grip, letting Jinx spring up from the water, gasping and coughing out water. “Enough?” He managed to ask. Perhaps there’s hope he could leave now. The severity of her gasps was increasing.
“No,” she managed to breathe out. “More.”
When she regained her vision again, she saw him. Knelt down, pants undone and hands so shaky, Jinx smirked mischievously at the sight. “More,” she whispered, pulling his hand back to her neck. “Give me more.”
“I don’t know if I can,” he said faintly. He wrapped his fingers around her neck and felt the softness of it, how delicate her life was in his hands. This was something he always knew of. Something so vital. He gave her everything and would do anything for her.
He knew better than this.
“I know you can,” Jinx pulled him with her legs before he could think of anything else until his cock brushed against her thighs. Her ass was just barely over his cock. It twitched from the anticipation. It felt wrong. Water dripped from her body and every second they spent not being one with each other ached Jinx to the core.
If he was the type to give her the world, why couldn’t he give her what she wanted the moment she uttered it? There are risks to everything. Can this not be a worthy risk?
She didn’t feel right in her mind, she knew, but there was no point in keeping secrets from each other.
Silco shook off the resistance within him. Here she was, so close to claiming, and he stalled long enough. He brought himself up against her again and dunked her in the water. She squirmed under his grasp. He edged himself into her, slotting his cock into her pussy as he kept her down. He loomed over her once more as he thrusted into her. His knees banged against the tub, and he could see Jinx’s body jolt up every time he fucked into her.
He allowed her to breathe, pulling her up from the water to get some air before pushing her back down. He did this multiple times, but he never stopped making love to her. She was wild; with every take of air she came up for, she was giggling like crazy.
After a few thrusts, Jinx locked him in with her legs. He grunted at the sudden pull further in and accidentally stuffed the full length of his cock into her. Her toes curled and her chest rose, making her head nearly knock into the side of the tub. A sharp gasp, an inhale.
Silco worriedly pulled her up to check her, but she was laughing again. Somewhat of a laugh. Whatever the water allowed her to make. Silco patted her back. “Take a minute.”
Jinx coughed repeatedly until she was practically spitting up the water. Little dribbles of drool escaped her lips and Silco couldn’t help but fight the urge to wipe them off. Jinx bit her lower lip, eyes glossing and dazed, before saying, “I don’t need a minute.”
Again they got down to it. All the thoughts of Vander were eroding until they were just pieces of him. He couldn’t think of the details in his frown, the way the world seemed more gray that day. He thrusted deeply into her; his cock craved every squeeze. With such little room, his thrusts were in short but strong bursts, just drilling into her cunt the way she wanted him to.
Soon, his thoughts of drowning ceased. He just loved on his Jinx. His little girl. Her gasps were so filled with lust and torment, he nearly came in her several times. Every time he was about to break, he slowed down but kept ramming into her. He hissed and let out guttural moans.
Fuck. Jinx. God, I’m fucking- God, you’re so perfect. You treat me so good. Fuck. I love you. I love you .
He whined that way the whole way through. When he finally couldn’t take it anymore, he tried to pull out of her lock hold, but she knew he was on the verge of releasing. When he pulled her up one final time to tell her, she sprang and overpowered him to the ground. He fell flat on his back and she straddled his cock, digging her knees into his sides.
“Cum.” She demanded in a breathy tone. “Cum for me.”
He couldn’t even protest. His head rolled back and he came inside her. All the guilt flooded into him at once, but he was so out of breath, he couldn’t react appropriately. Jinx took those extra moments of stillness to regain her composure. She watched Silco’s chest rise and fall. His arm was covering his eyes.
She smiled, purred and dipped down to lay on him without taking his cock out.
“Now you can just think about me,” she cooed. “Only me. Always and forever.”
Silco chuckled weakly. How demented of her to say. But he loved her for it. He wrapped his arm around her, held her close and didn't care about the cold floor. “Only you. Only us.”