Chapter Text
Standing around the table in the meeting room, you listened intently to Commander Erwin's words. There was barely any time to get your bearings when he called the Levi squad in to discuss the operation's final details to reclaim Wall Rose in the Trost district tomorrow.
Honestly, you felt like an outsider at this moment. Attending this meeting as a fellow member of the Levi squad felt strange because of your recent misdemeanors.
You were currently on probation due to a couple of stupid mistakes; drinking on the job, talking back to Captain Levi, and your most recent: venturing outside the walls alone. All unfortunately done in the past month, except for talking back to Captain Levi; you did that every day.
Thinking back to the events leading to why you were now under 'close supervision', you bit back a laugh.
Like the time you drank on the job:
You snuck in some wine from the dining hall at the start of your shift; night watch again. Despite being a night owl, you couldn't stay awake during this job; more like a chore. It was punishment for defying your superior, yet again. You were bored out of your mind, tasked to look out into the surrounding area from the tower to watch for titans. There weren't any; of course, the base was a safe zone away from those beasts, hence an unnecessary task. You took a swig out of the bottle; at least the alcohol would keep you company. What you didn't notice was Captain Levi coming in to check that you weren't doing anything stupid; unfortunately, you were, now caught red-handed.
"What the fuck- Are you drinking?" He seethed, narrowing his eyes at you.
"No..?" you replied, the bottle still in hand.
Or your favorite pastime: talking back to Captain Levi:
It was one of the training days all scouts and leaders participated in. Under the blistering heat from the sun, you grew tired and annoyed; Levi's slick mouth got on your nerves with every word he said. He was sparring with you to give you and the others a lesson on the importance of agility, stamina, and strength when it came to fighting. You'll admit, he had you at your limits even though he was barely trying. After knocking your ass on the ground for the fifth time in a row, he smirked, proud of himself.
"Looks like you're all talk and no bite, cadet. Your shoddy skills need much more improvement." He squatted, looking down at your sprawled-out body with a grin.
"Oh, was that all you had? Makes sense; You are an old man, after all. I hope your back didn't get too worn out, though.." You smiled up at him with fake concern, chest heaving.
His eye twitched in annoyance.
Or when you ventured outside the walls alone:
It was one of those nights again; you were feeling lonelier than usual, or maybe it was that you didn't feel at all. You wanted to do something to distract this numbness, emotional and mental exhaustion that never let up. So you grabbed a cape, hopped on a horse, and explored beyond the base. The cold breeze hit your face, and you sighed, appreciating how it soothed you. Continuing past the forest, a dim light approaching you focused in your vision. Someone was holding a lantern, walking next to their horse as they pulled it along. Your stomach dropped upon realizing who it was; Captain Levi. He was most likely patrolling the grounds.
"C-Captain Levi! I apologize; I was only trying to get some air." You stammered out, hoping that the excuse would appeal to him.This time you actually felt bad. You weren't even trying to break any rules; no one ever told you going outside of the walls was a problem.
"Is that right? Coming all the way out here for some air sure is a shitty excuse (Y/N). Why is it always you?" He sighed, looking up at the sky.
"Now, let's get your sorry ass back to your room. I don't have time to babysit." He tsked before you could reply, jumping on his horse.
The rest of the ride back was quiet; His disappointment was loud enough as you followed him back to headquarters.
There were so many moments like these over the years, and you could barely keep track of them. Captain Levi was always around for some reason.
There was nothing you could ever do or say without him knowing. The way he always caught you doing something stupid was embarrassing enough, but when he chastised you like a child, that's what really irritated you.
He surely wasn't perfect, so why did you have to be? The other members in the squad have gotten in trouble as much as you have, if not more.
The smug look on his face when he reprimanded you made you want to slap him. He was always right, and you wished he didn't have the satisfaction to be every. Single. Time.
He despised you, and the feeling was mutual, whichever came first. Ever since you joined the Survey Corps, he gave you hell, and you've wracked your brain plenty of times trying to understand 'why' to no avail.
You settled on the fact that Levi Ackerman was just a sad, pathetic man who loved to torment his cadets to make himself feel better.
"Is there something you would like to share with the rest of us, cadet?" The sound of Levi's husky voice interrupted your thoughts, and the sudden way he was addressing you made your heart skip a beat.
Your eyes reluctantly turned up to meet his stern gaze. "S-sorry, what was that...?" You stammered out and your heart fluttered again.
Eren, Mikasa, Armin, Jean, Connie, Sasha, Hange, and Commander Erwin all turned their attention on you. The room was so silent you could hear a pin drop. God, this was embarrassing.
"Well, with that dumb look on your face, I figured you were in deep thought about the mission tomorrow. Is there anything you would like to add to the discussion or need cleared up about your role?" Levi crossed his arms as he looked at you, his face stoic as always.
Shit. You were too busy spacing out and didn't hear a word he said. Man, you really could be so stupid sometimes.
"Oh- yes, actually. I am a bit confused. Do you mind repeating what you said, sir?" You mumbled, wanting a hole to appear in the ground and swallow you up. Levi exhaled, rolling his eyes before he spoke again.
"I said, you are to stay on the ground and protect the citizens as Eren plugs the wall while the rest of us focus on killing any titans that might be in the way." He reiterated with a frown.
Everyone nodded, understanding the plan—everyone except for you. "Stay on the ground and protect citizens? I don't understand Captain Levi. You and I both know that I am perfectly capable of fighting alongside the rest of you." You retorted, not understanding why you were given the responsibilities of a new scout this time around.
Levi raised an eyebrow, dumbfounded at your ignorance. He couldn't tell if you were joking or not, but your questioning was a waste of time; the decision to have you play offense on the sidelines instead of defense on the frontlines was already made, end of discussion.
"Oh, that's right. I almost forgot you only understand orders if I speak to you like the child you ar-" He snapped; Commander Erwin cut him off before he could finish though, trying to defuse the tension between you two.
"What Captain Levi means, (Y/N), is that you are still on probation and therefore will not be able to participate in the battle as you normally would. Until you can prove that you can hold these responsibilities again, he will change your tasks as he sees fit. Is that clear?" Erwin calmly advised.
"Yes, Commander Erwin. Thank you." You nodded, bowing a bit to pay your respects. You always made sure to do so, even more, when Levi was around, hoping the difference in how you regarded Commander Erwin pissed him off.
"Good." Commander Erwin smiled, continuing where he left off as all of you now fully understood tomorrow's plans. After the meeting ended, you felt like you could breathe easier.
You purposefully avoided Levi after that moment, refusing to even look his way at the feeling of his glare on you until the very end of the meeting. If looks could kill, you'd have died over a million times already.
Your friends saw how disheartened you looked and wanted to distract you with a trip to the dining hall. Luckily for them, you never passed up a good time, especially if it included a meal.
"How are you feeling about tomorrow Eren?" Mikasa asked softly, concerned. She was so sweet, and the way she was protective over him was adorable. Eren must've been blind; everyone knew Mikasa loved him.
All of you agreed that they would be a great match, everyone besides Jean at least. You wished someone looked out for you like that.
"Of course I am. I won't fail; I'll do anything it takes to eradicate the titans!" Eren announced, tightening the grip on his spoon as he began shoveling even more soup into his mouth.
If it was one thing Eren was good at, it was that his determination never faltered, even if it was pretty cringe-worthy at times. Jean immediately burst into laughter at the look on his face, followed by Connie, then Sasha; now everyone was laughing.
"Shut up, horse face! What would you know about fighting titans? Mikasa has more kills than you." Eren teased, a huge smirk on his face.
"Duh, Mikasa has the most kills out of everyone here, you idiot." Jean snickered, shaking his head. Eren just ignored him, shrugging his shoulders as he continued chowing down.
You, Armin, and Mikasa smiled awkwardly, seemingly getting some second-hand embarrassment. These two fighting like brothers was always so entertaining. You took a bite of your bread dipped in the potato soup, amused.
Connie was still cackling like a hyena even when everyone quieted down, turning back to their meals. He suddenly stopped when he realized his bowl was no longer in front of him.
"Hey! What the- Sasha, you pig!" He shouted, pointing at Sasha. You all turned your heads in her direction. There she was, gobbling down Connie's soup and bread so fast it was leaking down her mouth at the sides.
You were the one who burst into laughter now, tears formed in your eyes at how chaotic they all were. At that, everyone laughed, even Connie, as he snatched his half-eaten soup and bread back.
"You're all so funny; I love you guys." You sighed, smiling as you caught your breath. Your stomach hurt now, but it was worth it.
"Ah, it's nice to see you in a good mood again (Y/N)." Armin beamed, his soft blue eyes shining. He was always so sweet, and you knew he liked you. You wanted to think you'd give him a chance in another life where you didn't have to be afraid to lose anyone you loved.
This world was too hellish for romance though, the fear of losing any more of those you held close to your heart kept you single.
You gave him a big smile, softly nodding your head. "Yeah (Y/N), Don't worry about Captain Levi or your probation. You'll do great tomorrow, and he’ll have no choice but to see your worth on the team." Eren chimed in, eyes wide with joy. He was great at giving pep talks, giving a helping hand or shoulder to cry on to anyone who needed it. You admired that.
Soon, they all started complimenting you, wanting to make you feel better about yourself. At this point, they all noticed how often Levi would chastise you, whether it was with his harsh words, giving you more chores than the others, or making you train to the brink of passing out.
No one knew why of course; hell, you didn't even understand it. However, their kind words would always inspire you and back you up, making you want to stand up to Levi, uncaring if he had a problem with it.
"Thank you all; You have no idea how much it means to me." You gleamed, fully feeling motivated for tomorrow's expedition. You were going to prove yourself to Levi; no matter what it was going to take, you would show him you were worthy of being a soldier in his squad, and he would have no choice but to end your probation.
After dinner, you walked back to your room, satisfied and ready for bed. Although your body was tired, your mind had different plans. Your brain was overwhelmed with tomorrow's agenda.
You were always nervous the night before an expedition, and it couldn't be helped no matter how many pep talks or words of encouragement you were given. You were sure the others could relate as well; it was highly unpredictable; what would happen? Were there enough resources? How many casualties would there be?
Some time had passed, and your eyes were still glued to the ceiling, unable to sleep. You sighed in frustration, pulling off your covers to do something you knew would put you to sleep. Your hands slid under your nightdress and settled in between your legs.
All your frustrations with this world turned into a different kind of tension. Tension that could be alleviated if you had someone who could comfort you, hold you, maybe even touch you in ways that would probably give you some of the only pleasures you'll be able to experience in your day-to-day.
Despite your resolve to steer clear of romantic pursuits, you craved intimacy. You weren't a virgin, but you haven't been with anyone since you joined the Survey Corps. There just wasn't enough time or energy for personal matters like that here. Being in a relationship would only make you weak.
There were too many sacrifices to be made, too much death in this line of work; caring for someone romantically would scare you, having platonic relationships worried you enough.
You thought back to Armin earlier; he was such a sweetheart. He was handsome, kind, and intelligent; All great qualities, but you couldn't help but see him only as a friend at the mere thought of him dying.
As your fingers ghosted over your clothed clit, Levi's face came to mind. You hated that you were attracted to him, despite how cruel he was to you. His dominant nature made you wet, if only it weren't so extreme towards you.
With him being your captain, along with the fact that you despised him, it was easy to fantasize about him. Having sex with him would never happen, so what was the harm in indulging in the idea a little?
You moved faster, dripping at the mere thought of him. Imagining what he looked like shirtless, the things he would say to you with that nasty mouth of his.
The thought of his usual degrading words while inside of you had your back arching against the bed. He had to be a good fuck. With how angry he was all the time, you could only hope sex with him would be as intense; you couldn't imagine it would disappoint.
Your orgasm came suddenly, mind blanking as you gasped, pussy throbbing at the immense pleasure. Catching your breath, your body still twitched at the remnants of bliss, and you slumped against the bed. With an exhale, you laid on your side and closed your eyes; sleep finally washing over you.
"If you don't want to die, think!" Captain Levi shouted over his shoulder at everyone before launching himself into the air, immediately identifying some titans along the wall and slicing their napes effortlessly. Tons of titans were already flooding into the city, even more so at the sight of Eren's titan.
Your heart pounded at the exploding sound and yellow thunder crackling in the sky, signs that Eren transformed again. So far, so good, if you could even say that much.
As soon as you had the thought, Eren raised his fist at Mikasa, punching the roof of a house, attempting to attack her. Luckily, she jumped away and rolled over, dodging in the nick of time.
Rico raised a flare gun into the air, ready to notify everyone that the mission to retake the wall was a failure due to Eren's erratic behavior. Your heart almost stopped at the loss; however, Mikasa and Armin were able to get through to Eren before she could pull the trigger.
There was only time to move forward, and the plan would have to proceed no matter what. Eren seemed to be back in control of his titan form, now picking up the huge boulder and carrying it to the hole in Wall Rose, thankfully back on track.
Citizens clamored around, watching in shock as Eren's large feet made the ground vibrate with each step he took towards the wall. "What is that monstrous thing!" One woman screamed, shielding her child's eyes from the terrible sight. "We have to get out of here; we're all going to die!" Another man shrieked, frozen in fear.
"Everyone, please try to remain calm! We are handling this to the best of our abilities. I will ensure your safety as long as you stay in this area, shielded by these houses, understood?" You announced. You were also nervous, but you had to hide it from them.
They all nodded slowly, although still scared to death. It was all going to be okay, though. There was no other option. You would put your life on the line for all of them if need be; you weren't going to let anyone die.
You looked back to the scene, tensing up at how many titans were now tracking behind Eren, wanting to attack him. You watched as everyone fought.
Oh, how badly you wished to assist them. They were doing their best, cutting down titans, efforts being for naught as they kept tumbling in.
At the front of the wall, Ian and Mitabi abruptly screeched. Both were in a titan's grasp, slowly being bought up to their foul mouths. Your eyes widened, scanning the area.
There was no one close enough to assist them; everyone else already held up where they were, killing the last of the beasts. Eren was almost there. He was so close; the only titans near him were the ones Ian and Mitabi were fighting off.
You had to get in there.
No! - you were under strict orders to protect the citizens instead of getting on the field. Someone else would help them; they had to. Right...right!?
What? Who gives a fuck! You'll be damned if you were going to sit around and just let them die. You couldn't tell if anyone else would get to them in time.
So, you moved, running with a speed you never knew you possessed and maneuvering into the air before you could think any longer.
Sprinting and jumping off of one last roof in a blind rage, you pulled your blades out, screaming as you dug them into both of the titans' napes simultaneously.
There was no chance to process what happened as you heard a boom ringing in your ears, followed by the sound of a flare gun and cheering.
It was Eren; he plugged the hole in the wall!
Wall Rose was sealed, a weight was lifted off your shoulders as you looked up at the sky, seeing green powder sprayed across it. Mission successful.
You exhaled, adrenaline beginning to wear off, and you looked over your shoulder to see that Ian and Mitabi braced their falls. They were safe, equally shaken up, yet ecstatic that Trost district was saved.
You ran over to them. Their arms reached out, pulling you into a tight hug. Cheering and crying tears of relief, as did you, relishing in the fact that there were no casualties and it was a great success, there hasn't been one like this in so long.
A pause. You felt like someone was staring at you. Through teary eyes, you blinked up to see Captain Levi watching you, his expression unreadable.