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Merlin had been in love with Arthur since a ridiculous fresher mixer when Arthur got smashing drunk, vomited on Merlin's shoes then looked at him with sad, woeful eyes and apologized in the most posh and formal manner Merlin had ever witnessed in one so pissed.
"Oh, mate. Look at what I've done. I'm terribly sorry, please do let me know how I can make it up to you."
Then Arthur had burped rather loudly and promptly passed out.
It wasn't the most auspicious of beginnings but Merlin's heart was lost from there on out.
They wandered into and out of each others orbits for the next four years. They had mutual friends, they shared a class here and there and Arthur showed up at Merlin's dorm room the morning after their vomitous beginnings with a pair of new shoes in a plastic bag hanging off the tip of his finger as he stood in Merlin's doorway wearing sunglasses and swaying gently from side to side. He was tragically hungover and when Arthur winced as he pulled down his sunglasses to look at Merlin properly and apologize, yet again, Merlin fell even deeper. He liked to think it was the single tuft of hair that was sticking out from the top of Arthur's head that did it, that lone spike that clearly had a mind of its own.
He could blame it on the cowlick or he could just admit he was an idiot.
Either way he still ended up four years later standing by himself in the corner of Lance and Gwen's flat contemplating whether or not to leave their graduation party. Everyone around him seemed to be in extra high spirits and celebrating their graduation properly. Merlin just didn't feel it. He wasn't sure whether to join in or go home and lie in bed with a blanket over his head hoping it would all go away.
Yeah. Great. So they graduated. So what? What the everloving fuck were they supposed to do now? The great cocoon of university was busted open and now Merlin was supposedly some bright, fucking butterfly all prepared and ready to tackle the mysterious as shit real adult world. Except he wasn't. Not even close. He was goddamn petrified and what the hell was he supposed to do with a philosophy degree? He was an enormous twat who hadn't planned for his future properly. If he had he would be graduating with a business degree or something that the mere thought of made him bored in a very profound manner but would at least produce a job at the end of the day. One that paid actual money leaving him with the option of buying fun stuff like food and shelter. That was always a plus. Instead he had chosen to think about things and contemplate the world and other completely shite endeavors that would help him pass his mind-numbing shifts at Tesco because clearly that was the job of his future.
Merlin kept seeing Gwen throwing him pitying looks and telling Lance to bring him more beer. Morgana kept dropping by his corner to tell him to, 'fucking smile for fucksake, you fucking corner creeper' which wasn't entirely helpful either. And Gwaine. Sweet, lovely little pervert Gwaine kept dragging unsuspecting guys over to him and presenting them like virginal sacrifices as he winked and leered at Merlin. Gwaine's mission in life was to get Merlin as much ass as humanly possible in the time given him. It was a lofty goal and one that led to many embarrassing situations for Merlin but he could never hate Gwaine too much because if a particular sacrifice had gone especially bad Gwaine would shoo them away, drag Merlin home and cuddle with him for the night even if he had a pull of his own that he could have taken home. Gwaine was a first rate cuddler and a tenderhearted miscreant and Merlin loved him despite the misguided cock offerings.
Also, for all his pimping tendencies, Gwaine knew never to pull that shit with Arthur. He'd never drunkenly dragged Arthur over to Merlin to kneel before him and offer up Pendragon boners for Merlin's mouth to enjoy. (Which is how he presented Leon the first time they'd met. Leon turned red and very politely said that wasn't his thing, thanks anyway - he was terribly sweet about it and Merlin wanted to pet him while Gwaine kept at him to 'ah, hell, mate, give it a go. you might like it' - he had then sheepishly asked Merlin if it would be possible to be introduced to Morgana? Merlin happily complied and thus ended the Leon's Boner incident. Now it was Morgana's job to take care of those.) Gwaine knew about Merlin's pathetic love for Arthur and never ventured into embarrassing territory with him. Although that didn't stop him from constantly telling Merlin to just ask Arthur out already and be done with it; if he said no, well okay, then drink a lot and mourn the loss of your one true love while you wallow for a few weeks and then move the fuck on, but if he said yes, however, then hooray and let's have tons and tons of hot monkey sex.
Gwaine was very poetic.
Merlin would always say, yeah, okay, you're right, but he'd never actually accumulate the balls needed to carry out the plan. He and Gwaine had gone through various methods from getting piss drunk to e-invites to the party in Merlin's pants to singing outside Arthur's window while playing a lute. Gwaine was very insistent on the whole lute aspect of the plan for some reason. He said lutes were medieval and romantic by association. Merlin wasn't really sure that was the case, to him serfdoms and the bubonic plague weren't especially romantic, but it was Gwaine's fantasy so he let it slide. He couldn't exactly discount the plan's success rate. Gwaine had gotten into an obscene amount of panties from singing to girls, although he played the guitar, not the lute, and Merlin often wondered whether Gwaine really thought the lute was medievally romantic and necessary or if he was simply taking a piss at Merlin.
But all that aside, that was how he ended up standing in a corner (creeping like a fucking corner creeper, as Morgana so lovingly put it) when Arthur walked through the door. He wasn't with anyone, which was unusual in itself since Arthur usually attracted a crowd, and he slipped into the flat rather furtively like he didn't want to be noticed. Another unusual occurrence since Arthur usually shouted out his arrival to any destination, whether it be a party or a library, he never seemed to give a fuck. But here he was, at Gwen and Lance's place and being all sneaky and covert. Merlin's eyes naturally followed his progress throughout the room, he couldn't stop himself from looking. Arthur was goddamn gorgeous and he was a magnet to all things otherwise referred to as Merlin's eyes and/or his dick.
Arthur stopped next to Morgana and Leon and leaned in to say something in her ear, she gave him a funny look and tugged on the cuff of his button down. Arthur shrugged, shook his head and in that instant looked terribly lost. Merlin unconsciously leaned away from the wall and stood up straighter. He knew it was impossible for him to hear what was going on clear across the crowded, noisy room but he leaned forward anyway, his eyes never leaving Arthur. Morgana stood on her tiptoes and said something back to Arthur, close to his ear, and Leon nodded at whatever it was she said. A slight smile crossed Arthur's face and he kissed her cheek and slapped Leon on the arm before walking away from them. Merlin kept watching as Gwen got hold of him and nearly tipped him over in her enthusiasm as she hugged him. He plastered on a smile and hugged her back, never letting it show that something was obviously bothering him. Lance got a slap on the arm as well and Gwen a kiss and another hug before he managed to untangle himself from the two of them. Merlin kept his eyes glued to him as he slipped past a few more of their friends and managed to get himself over to the window that led out to the flat's balcony. He glanced back over his shoulder and gave the room one last look before he ducked through the window and slipped outside.
Merlin hesitated for a second or two - Arthur didn't look like he wanted to talk to anyone, much less Merlin - but he figured this was one of the last nights they'd be in the same town together and probably the last time he'd ever see Arthur Pendragon so if he made an absolute tit of himself he'd have a perfectly good excuse to never ever see Arthur again. Taking into account the potentially epic social embarrassment heading his way Merlin walked over to the window Arthur had just slipped out and poked his head through. Arthur was sitting to the right of the window, his back against the brick of the building.
"Mind if I join?" Merlin asked, hoping his voice didn't sound as pathetically needy and hopeful to Arthur as it sounded in his own head.
Arthur turned and looked at him, thoughtful, considering, like he might just say no, but apparently his well bred manners won out in the end and he shook his head. "No, go ahead," he said with a faint smile in Merlin's direction.
"Thanks, mate," Merlin said as he tried to slip out of the window without falling onto his arse, or better yet, on top of Arthur. Once all of his limbs were safely outside he reached back inside and tried to pull the curtains together before he closed the window in an effort to block out the noise of the party.
"Are we playing hide and seek then?" Arthur asked, looking faintly amused by Merlin's struggle to get situated to his liking.
"More with the hiding and less with the seeking hopefully," Merlin grinned at him. "I can't bloody well take another person flailing around in my face in some sort of ecstatic seizure over the mere mention of the word graduation. Jesus Christ."
"You're quite chipper this evening, aren't you?"
"About as chipper as you from the looks of it, what with all the sneaking and lurking about outside of windows and all."
"This is a balcony, Merlin, it was made to be sat upon. I'm not exactly lurking out here like some sort of creeper."
"Yes, well, be that as it may, you're not exactly party material tonight either judging from the epic pout."
"You sound like my nanny. Next you'll tell me you'll paddle my backside if I don't smile and make nice."
Merlin opened his mouth to say something but the idea of paddling Arthur's backside took over his brain and there was no hope after that.
No hope.
Arthur had what Merlin liked to call a perfect ass (Gwaine agreed with him on this matter but at the same time told Merlin he really shouldn't watch every single episode of Miranda all in one sitting - perhaps break it up a bit with something like Top Chef, maybe? - because Arthur's ass actually was perfect and Merlin wasn't the only one that called it that to which Merlin told him it was 'such fun!' just to annoy him and fuck with his head.) So really, Merlin wasn't to blame that his brain sort of took a time out to perv when Arthur decided to start talking about needing a good paddling. Honestly, what was a man supposed to do when confronted with that option?
"Have I lost you, Merlin?" Arthur teased when Merlin's silence stretched into what one could consider embarrassing territory.
"Um. What? No." Merlin managed to spit out as he shook his head. "No." Just thinking about spanking the hell out of your perfect naked ass while you moan obscenely until I come all over your face. Don't mind me. Carry on.
Merlin must have a had an odd look about him because Arthur sort of looked at him sideways and raised an eyebrow but was kind enough not to comment. Merlin thought he really ought to compliment Arthur on his fine manners. Apparently that nanny of his brought him up right if he managed to be polite while alternating between puking all over him and kindly ignoring his blank, and no doubt troubling, sex fantasy face. Gwaine told him he got this strangely blank but leery sort of look on his face when he was thinking of something dirty. Gwaine was a stupid liar though, so his opinion didn't count.
"If you say so," Arthur said warily. "Looked like you checked out on me for a bit there."
"I'm in sort of a shocked graduation induced haze. The world is very very fuzzy around me right now." Merlin was quite proud of that cover.
"Are you sure you're not just pissed. You're shite at holding your liquor, Merlin."
"Says the man who vomited on my shoes the first time we met."
"You said you'd never bring that up again, you filthy liar." Arthur leaned his head back and laughed and all Merlin could do was smile. He fucking loved seeing Arthur laugh, he just looked so damn happy and it always gave Merlin this deep, warm feeling in the pit of his stomach. Arthur was just so fucking beautiful and Merlin wanted to touch him so badly it hurt, his hands were burning with the desire to do it, to just reach over and lay themselves down on any piece of Arthur they could have.
Merlin turned to his side and tilted his head against the building to get a better view of Arthur. He shrugged. "I lie. It's what I do."
That only seemed to make Arthur laugh harder. "You know," he said after his laugh had quieted, "I never told you how hilarious I think you are. You're so sneaky about it most of the time. You're all quiet and then you come in and say the most insane shit in this totally dry, serious voice and it's the fucking best. I probably should have told you that before, but better late than never, yeah?"
Merlin could feel himself blushing but managed to give Arthur a half-smile and a quiet, 'thanks, mate,' instead of the, 'and I never told you I want to lick your face,' he could have said.
"So. Not feeling the graduation vibes either?" Arthur asked after they sat for a moment or two in an oddly comfortable silence.
"You too?" Merlin asked, surprised. Arthur had always seemed like the sort to have everything figured out - all the fucking time - he never seemed to doubt a thing he did. He was full of conviction and bright, shiny success.
"I don't know what the fuck I'm doing," Arthur confessed.
"Seriously? But you've got everything sorted. Double firsts and all that, overachieving twat. I'm the one who sat for a degree in Philosophy and will be tending the tap at your local pub in the not too distant future."
"But you'll make a lovely barmaid, Merlin."
"Yes, there is that. I'm really quite fetching."
"Just think of all the numbers that will get shoved down your trousers by eager little tarts."
Merlin smiled at Arthur. "Yeah, maybe," he said quietly.
"It's all just ending, isn't it?" Arthur asked. "I mean I knew it was coming but it still seems too sudden."
"I don't feel prepared. At all. I'm scared nearly shitless and I feel like some sort of weirdo because everyone else is so fucking excited, and I dunno, ready for their lives to start and I'm sitting here like this giant idiot who sort of wants to fucking cry when I think about having to grow up and be all mature and shit." Merlin stopped suddenly to take a breath and realized what a freak he sounded like. "It's just. I don't know. Just."
"Overwhelming," Arthur finished for him.
"Yes, yeah," Merlin nodded. "Incredibly fucking overwhelming."
"My father has a job lined up for me and everything. It's just sitting there waiting for me come Monday morning and I don't want it to be."
"You could always work with me. You'd make a lovely barmaid too, Arthur."
Arthur smiled. It was sad and beautiful and wistful and Merlin wanted to take his hand and run away with him. Run until they couldn't breathe any more, and once they caught their breaths, start all over again. Merlin had this sudden, certain feeling that they'd be happy together. Lost from the rest of the world and very very far away. He curled his hands up in his lap and looked down at them. They seemed empty without Arthur's hands inside them and it scared him just how painful and real the longing for that sort of life with Arthur had become.
"I wanted to be a bus driver," Arthur said suddenly and he looked shocked he said it.
"Really?" Merlin laughed softly. "A bus driver?"
"Yeah. It just seemed like the opposite of everything I'm supposed to be. I wanted to go into work and be ordinary, to be the guy you passed by everyday and promptly forgot."
Merlin wanted to laugh again, the mere idea of Arthur thinking anyone would forget him made Merlin's sides ache from the absurdity. "Arthur, that would never happen."
Arthur gave him a questioning look.
"Anyone forgetting you. I don't think that's possible."
"Maybe that's because I've vomited on their feet."
"No," Merlin shook his head. "That only works for me. I'm special."
Arthur laughed. "Only you, Merlin."
They sat in silence for a while listening the the music and shouts coming from the party inside. Merlin thought he heard Gwaine's voice and Morgana's right after. It was highly likely Gwaine had suggested a threesome and promptly got slapped. Just as his mission for Merlin had been to get him laid as many times as humanly possible in the span of four years, his mission for himself was to one day touch the Promised Land which, apparently, was Morgana's vagina. Who knew?
Arthur must have heard Gwaine and Morgana too because he'd turned his head to try to peer inside as he said, "Does he not realize that he'll never get anywhere near my sister's knickers? It's like he's intentionally dim and some sort of failed masochist."
"Apparently he didn't get the 'Masochism: You're doing it wrong' memo."
"Although in Gwaine's world Morgana shouting at him and giving him a slap every time she sees him is doing everything right."
"He's a troubling sort, that's for sure."
"Merlin?"
"Yeah?"
"Why did we never hang out together more often? It seems like we should have done."
Merlin shrugged. "Dunno exactly."
"I feel as if I missed you." Arthur looked at him and Merlin thought there was true regret in his eyes. "I'm leaving tomorrow with my father and it's too late. I've missed you entirely."
Merlin wanted to tell Arthur that it was okay, things like that happen, they just do, but he was angry with himself all of a sudden. He'd had all these years to make himself not be missed and he'd cocked it all up. He'd pissed about thinking he had all the time in the world, like this would never end, and now here it was. The end. And what did he have to show for it? A stupid unrequited crush and words never said and more regrets than he could count. He was about to blurt everything out, flay his heart open right there on Gwen and Lance's balcony when Arthur interrupted.
"Let me walk you home."
"What?" Merlin asked, confused.
"Unless you wanted to stay?" Arthur seemed uncertain. "I just thought. Well, you came out here and you didn't seem thrilled to be here so I thought. But if you want to stay."
"No," Merlin interrupted. "No. I don't. I want to go home."
"So I can walk you?"
Merlin nodded. "Yeah. Yes. Definitely."
Arthur laughed. "Three affirmatives, I call that a successful answer."
Merlin blushed. "Oh, shut up."
Arthur just laughed again and got to his feet. "Come on then," he said as he opened the window and crawled back inside.
Merlin was quick to follow. He stayed close behind Arthur as he made his way through the people milling about. He kept looking over his shoulder at Merlin and smiling and it was doing strange things to Merlin's insides. They only got stopped a few times along the way but Arthur managed to extricate them with a few quick words. Merlin didn't mind the stopping as long as they could get through the room and out the door before Gwaine or Morgana spotted them. Gwen would just coo and Lance would be clueless but Gwaine and Morgana? Another thing entirely. Morgana would surely say something embarrassing and inappropriate and Gwaine would take on the inappropriate gestures side of things. Just when Merlin was about to steer Arthur in the direction of the door, fuck the guy he's talking to, Leon's hand was on the middle of his back pushing him towards the door instead.
"Morgana's in the toilet," he whispered. "And Gwaine has his face buried in some girl's cleavage. Time to go. Run, run," he urged as he pushed Merlin to the door. Merlin was about to ask about Arthur but noticed Leon had him by the arm as well. "Strategic exit, mate," he said when Arthur gave him a funny look.
Arthur just laughed at Leon but Merlin shook his head, a serious look on his face. "No, no, he means it. We'll have Morgana on us any second." That seemed to perk Arthur up because he willingly let Leon push them the rest of the way to the door and right on out of it. He stood in the doorway and waved at them as he whispered, 'run!' and promptly slammed the door in their faces.
Merlin and Arthur looked at each other and burst out into laughter as they took off running down the hall and the three flights of stairs that led out of Gwen and Lance's building. Once they were safely outside they stopped to lean over at the waist and catch their breaths.
"Oh shit," Arthur breathed through his laughter. "That was. Well. I don't know what that was."
"A finely executed escape is what that was."
"The three of us were clearly meant to be on some sort of special tasks force."
"Obviously," Merlin agreed. He was about to say more when they heard a shout coming from above them.
"Oi!" They both looked up and saw Morgana hanging out of a window. "Don't think I didn't notice the two of you running away like little girls. You can run, but you can't hide!" Morgana was giving them the 'I've got my eyes on you' gesture when Leon wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her back inside. "Sorry about that," he shouted and waved. "Carry on!"
Arthur had a shocked look on his face as he stared up at the now empty window but when he looked at Merlin he burst out into laughter again and Merlin grinned madly at him. They were about to start walking down the street when another shout drew their attention back up.
"Merlin! You sneaky little fuckwad!"
"Yeah. See! I told you, running away like little girls."
Morgana had apparently found Gwaine and now they were both hanging out of the window. Merlin snorted when they started to shove at each other to gain better window positioning and Arthur grabbed his wrist as he laughed and started dragging Merlin away from the disgruntled bellowing coming from Gwen and Lance's window. Merlin thought he heard a faint, 'Give it to him, M!' from Gwaine as he and Arthur ran further down the street and he hoped to fucking God Arthur hadn't heard a thing. When they were well clear of the building and any future shouting they slowed down to a walk. Arthur's hand was still around Merlin's wrist and he didn't pull away. They were gasping for breath between trailing bits of leftover laughter.
"Those are our friends," Merlin said. "Our friends, Arthur."
"And my sister," Arthur shuddered.
"What have we done wrong?"
"Apparently something horrible."
Merlin smiled and said, "Thank god for Leon."
"Which just seems to be a general life rule; always thank god for Leon."
Merlin laughed. "Well said."
They walked in silence for a block or so and Merlin didn't know what to do with Arthur's hand. It was just there. And warm. And sort of perfect and it was making Merlin's heart do strange and silly things. They were a force, somehow, Arthur's fingers. Such little things in the grand scheme of things but they were directing Merlin's mind, his breathing, his every heartbeat.
"Arthur," Merlin whispered at the same time Arthur's fingers tightened around his wrist, stopping them both as he said, "See, the thing is."
"Sorry, sorry," Arthur said. "Go ahead, I didn't mean to speak over you."
"No, it's fine. Fine. You go first." Merlin's words felt a bit clogged up in his throat.
Arthur's thumb brushed across the inside of Merlin's wrist and he closed his eyes.
"The thing is," Arthur repeated, slowly, quietly. "The thing is I'm going to kiss you. I'm just going to go ahead and do it because I've wanted to ever since that first night we met, but well, you know what happened there. The vom and all. I was on my way over to you to say something that would no doubt have wooed you fantastically, I was piss drunk and utterly sure of that, but then what happened happened and I was embarrassed and thought it best not to bring it up again since I'd more than likely get royally rejected. But now I figure we'll never see each other again after tonight and I'm already fucking terrified out of my mind about everything happening right now so what's one more thing really? And if you punch me in the face, fine, but if you kiss me back. Fuck, Merlin. If you kiss me back then that would just make everything. It would." Arthur was stumbling over his words and Merlin thought he'd die from it all. "It would just make everything okay again."
Merlin thought he maybe ought to shut Arthur up, even though what he was saying was basically the most wonderful thing Merlin had ever heard, but there was the kissing.
There was the kissing.
Merlin smiled and slid his hand along the side of Arthur's neck, his skin was warm and Merlin could feel the heat coming off of him, he threaded his fingers through the soft strands of Arthur's hair at the nape of his neck. Every piece of it brushing between his fingers and was it strange that he could feel every strand? That it made his skin prickle and spark? And, oh god, if that was only touching Arthur's hair what would his perfect fucking mouth do to him? Merlin leaned in, his forehead touching Arthur's, who had blessedly stopped talking the moment Merlin touched him. He could feel Arthur's breath on his lips and he sort of got stuck in that moment, that moment between kissing Arthur and not. Arthur was nuzzling him with his nose and they were so so close that Merlin couldn't have fit a finger between their lips and he wanted to stay there forever. Trapped in the delicious anticipation; wondering if Arthur tasted anything like what he'd imagined, which was sweet like honey and hungry like an ache.
"Promise not to vomit on me this time," Merlin whispered. He could feel Arthur's quiet laugh puff against his lips before he leaned in that final inch.
Merlin couldn't believe he'd waited as long as he did to kiss Arthur. It all seemed so ridiculous just then with his lips pressed against Arthur's mouth, his eager mouth and pretty lips that tasted nothing like he'd imagine because they tasted like nothing he could describe. They tasted like Arthur and he knew right then it'd be a taste he'd always crave so he deepened the kiss, opened up those lips beneath his so he could have his fill. He wanted to gorge himself and never stop. It seemed Arthur felt the same because he pressed closer to Merlin as the grip on his wrist tightened for a moment before fingers slipped slow and sure along the palm of his hand to slide between his own fingers. Merlin's fingers tightened, closed Arthur's hand up in his and Arthur sighed into their kiss. This breathy little noise that made Merlin shake. Arthur's other hand wrapped around Merlin's waist, fingers twisting up in his shirt at the small of his back and Merlin felt the heat of Arthur's fist burning through the cloth and into his skin. He gasped and Arthur took advantage, he slipped his tongue inside Merlin's mouth and Merlin gripped Arthur's neck to hold him in place as he kissed his fill. Or as much as he could get without drowning from it.
"Merlin," Arthur gasped against his lips. "Merlin."
"Hm?" Merlin hummed as he mouthed along Arthur's jaw.
"How far away is your place, and can I come over?"
"Not far, and god yes."
Arthur smiled and tried to pull away from Merlin so they could start walking again but Merlin wouldn't let him. "Uh-uh. No," Merlin shook his head and pressed his lips to Arthur's. "God," he said between kisses, "Your mouth."
"Yours too," Arthur said as he walked them backwards and kept his lips on Merlin's. "Fucking perfect."
"How about we never stop kissing?"
"God yes. Let's not."
Merlin laughed happily and finally pulled away. He started to drag Arthur down the street behind him. He laughed even louder when Arthur started pushing at his back and telling him to, 'Run! Run!' in a scarily good imitation of Leon.
"Oh god, if you tell me Gwaine and Morgana are behind us I'll cry."
"If they were I wouldn't be laughing, I'd be screaming in terror, so I think we're good."
Merlin looked back over his shoulder at Arthur and smiled. "This is a little bit crazy, isn't it?"
Arthur squeezed his hand. "Maybe. A little bit. But I wouldn't want to spend my last night here any differently."
Merlin adjusted his steps so he was side by side with Arthur. "This is really your last night?"
"I'm leaving with my father tomorrow morning, bright and early. All my things are already packed and sent back to London."
Merlin didn't want to think about what that meant, Arthur leaving, and everything just sort of sailing past him while he sat inert and lost and so fucking confused. Something must have shown on his face because Arthur stopped him with a tug on his hand and kissed him. "Let's get to your flat and not think about anything else right now."
Merlin nodded. He couldn't have agreed more.
They walked the rest of the way in silence, their feet pounded a quick pace along the pavement and they kept their iron grips on each other's hands. Merlin guided Arthur up the stairs and down the hallway to his flat door. He pressed Arthur's back against the door and kissed him again, long and slow as the anticipation settled in the pit of his stomach. This was it, Arthur pressed against his door, his mouth warm and wanting beneath Merlin's and there was nothing but the two of them and this one night. This one fucking night that Merlin was going to cling to with everything he had in him.
They started shedding clothes the minute Merlin got them both inside and closed the door behind them. Arthur's hands slipped under Merlin's shirt, his warm palms sliding up Merlin's sides as he pushed the shirt up and over Merlin's head. Merlin started walking them backwards towards his bed as he tugged on Arthur's belt trying desperately to get it off with his shaky fingers without doing an injury to the both of them. Arthur took Merlin's head in both his hands and place soft kisses along Merlin's forehead as he smiled fondly at Merlin as he struggled with the belt and cursed under his breath. Merlin gave a bit of a victory shout when he managed to undo the buckle and get Arthur's jeans unzipped. Arthur laughed and half-tossed Merlin onto his narrow bed and followed him, knees braced on both sides of Merlin's hips as he straddled him and pulled his shirt off.
Merlin's hands flattened along Arthur's stomach. "Fuck," he muttered as he ran his hands over Arthur's bare skin. "Fuck."
Arthur laughed softy and grinned at Merlin. "Thanks," he said and it sounded shy of all things and Merlin flushed warm with want for him in that moment. He wrapped his arms around Arthur's hips and pressed his face into his stomach as he licked Arthur's skin and nosed at the trail of hair leading down from his belly button.
"Merlin," Arthur groaned as his hands tangled up in Merlin's hair.
Merlin kept kissing and licking his way down as he hooked his fingers into the waistband of Arthur's jeans to pull them further down his hips.
"I want." Merlin gasped as he got Arthur's cock free and his fingers wrapped around the base. "Please."
"Yes," Arthur whispered, his voice choked as he took Merlin's jaw in his hand and guided Merlin's mouth to his cock. "Yesyesyes."
Merlin wrapped his lips around the head of Arthur's cock and he wanted him so badly, the taste and feel of him, solid and hard in his mouth, that he felt clumsy with the want. Like he was doing everything wrong in his need to just have Arthur inside him but Arthur moaned so beautifully above him, tightened his fingers in Merlin's hair as he said his name again and again in a way that made Merlin so fucking hard, that it made Merlin feel strangely bold too. He'd never been confident with anyone, he'd always felt as if he awkwardly stumbled his way through everything, but god, with Arthur it felt as if nothing mattered. He felt free of doubts and insecurities and it was Arthur that did that. Only Arthur.
"Oh, fuck," Arthur gasped as he trailed his hand from Merlin's hair and down along his cheek. "Let me. I want to. For you." Arthur said as he gently pushed Merlin's mouth off his cock.
Arthur got caught up in his jeans as he tried to shuffle down the bed and they both laughed as they kicked off shoes and struggled to get jeans and underwear and everything else off. Merlin laughed loud and clear when Arthur nearly fell backwards yanking Merlin's jeans off his left leg for him, but suddenly the jeans were thrown to the floor and Arthur was between his thighs and the laughter choked off in his throat as Arthur's lips wrapped around his cock. Merlin bent a knee over Arthur's shoulder and he rolled his hips up into him. Arthur's hands grabbed Merlin's hips and held him down against the bed and it was some sort of torture not to be able to push up into Arthur's gorgeous mouth.
Merlin closed his eyes and gripped the sheets as he tried to control his breathing and not come down Arthur's throat. He wanted to fuck him. God, how he wanted to fuck him.
Merlin arched his head back when Arthur licked along the underside of his cock before taking him back in his mouth.
"Fuck, Arthur. Fuck."
Arthur hummed around his cock and Merlin had to grin to himself because leave it to Arthur to make a hum sound self-satisfied, but then Arthur's hand was rubbing along his lower stomach, gentle and slow, and Merlin could barely breathe.
Arthur let Merlin's cock slip past his lips. Merlin whimpered with the loss but Arthur held onto the leg Merlin had hooked over his shoulder and turned his head to kiss the inside of Merlin's thigh as he asked, "Fuck me?"
Merlin slid his leg off of Arthur's shoulder and sat up as he grabbed Arthur and dragged him in for a kiss. "Yes, oh god. Please," he answered against Arthur's lips.
Arthur kissed the curve of Merlin's neck and behind his ear, his hand never stopped running along Merlin's skin, petting him and holding him close. "I've always wondered," he breathed into Merlin's ear, "what it would be like with you."
"Me too, god, me too. I had dreams about it."
"You had sex dreams about me, Merlin?" Arthur teased and Merlin could hear the smile in his voice.
"Fucking loads of them, yes."
"Am I quite the porn star then? Do I do all kinds of filthy things?" Arthur's voice was teasing but there was a bit of hesitant wonder in it too, like he really wanted to know what Merlin dreamed about him.
Merlin held Arthur's head in his hands and turned his face up so he was looking at him. "The filthiest things imaginable," he whispered as he kissed Arthur's lips. "And the sweetest things too."
Arthur smiled at that and closed his eyes as he gently bumped his forehead against Merlin's temple, yet another thing for Merlin to store away, something he'd never have imagined; Arthur was a bit of a nuzzler, tactile and sweet.
Merlin pressed chaste kisses to Arthur's forehead before he turned them both around and helped Arthur settle on his back. "Look at you," Merlin said. "All laid out in front of me and so fucking beautiful." Arthur grabbed Merlin's hand and kissed its palm. "This bit right here?" Merlin said. "Better than the dreams already."
"Oh, you're a smooth one, aren't you?" Arthur smiled at him.
"I like to think so, yes."
Arthur laughed and wrapped his arms around Merlin to drag him down for another kiss. Merlin thanked all the gods out there that Arthur seemed as hungry for kisses he was. He reluctantly pulled his lips away from Arthur's though to kiss his way down Arthur's neck, chest and stomach. He felt Arthur's muscles twitch under his skin when he got down to his hip and nosed at the hair surrounding Arthur's cock and laid kisses against the heat of the inside of his thigh.
Merlin ran his hands along the backs of Arthur's thighs and urged him to spread his legs wider, he wanted every part of him.
Arthur cried out with a mixture of surprise, embarrassment and lust when Merlin took his first lick at Arthur's hole.
"Merlin, god," Arthur panted as he twisted beneath Merlin's touch. "What are you? Fuck."
"Let me do this for you," Merlin said as he looked up into Arthur's shocked face. "Does it feel good? I'll stop if you don't want it."
"No," Arthur gasped out. "No. God no. It's good. No one's ever." Arthur voice trailed off and got so quiet Merlin barely heard him. "Please don't stop."
"I won't," Merlin promised him. And he couldn't have if he tried because the noises he pulled out of Arthur as he opened him up, licked him open, were the most fucking wonderful things he'd ever heard. At first Arthur seemed shocked by what they were doing, shocked at himself for the noises he was making, so he tried to choke them off but when Merlin kept it up and started fingering him as well he gave up every thought of control and let himself go. Merlin listened and took it all in and wondered if Arthur would remember the things he was calling out in near incoherent bursts, wondered if he'd be embarrassed later if he thought about them. Merlin hoped not. Arthur was gorgeous just then and he wanted to keep his pleasure all to himself, wanted to believe he was the only one who'd ever made Arthur sound like that.
Arthur was practically crying Merlin's name over and over again by the time Merlin put on the condom and pushed inside him. His eyes shot to Merlin's when he first pushed inside and he wrapped tired, loose limbs around him. They were pressed tightly together and all they could do was rock with each other, hips rolling as Merlin moved in and out. Merlin's jagged breaths were hot in Arthur's ear where he'd pressed his face into the pillow next to Arthur's head. The mattress was squeaky and narrow beneath them but Arthur kept himself wrapped so closely around Merlin that it didn't matter. It was perfect. And Merlin wanted Arthur forever, wanted him so badly it hurt, but all he could do was hang onto him and fuck him gradually faster and faster as the pressure for release grew inside him.
Merlin felt Arthur come first, warm and wet against their stomachs, and Arthur's ragged breathing rushed through his ears as he came soon after and all he could think about in that moment was how was he ever supposed to let Arthur go?
~~*~~
Merlin woke up trapped between the wall at his back and Arthur plastered across his front. He was hot and sort of sweaty and he was pretty sure he was stuck to Arthur in certain places but it was fucking gorgeous all the same. Arthur sort of smelled and his hair stuck up in back but he was naked and golden in the sunlight that was starting to creep through Merlin's window and Merlin would take all of that; the smelliness and sweaty, sticky limbs if it meant waking up to Arthur's hand curled possessively over his hip. The blankets were kicked to the floor and they were barely covered by the sheet that was tangled around them. With anyone else Merlin would have been embarrassed, he'd always managed to get the guys out of his bed by morning or he was well covered if they were still around to see him in the unforgiving glare of morning, but with Arthur it was different. His limbs felt like they had melted into Arthur and he could barely move. All he wanted to do was stretch out like a fucking cat and curl himself back around Arthur and just never get up again. He didn't care that he probably looked awful and smelled worse because Arthur's hand was at his bare hip and his face pressed into the crook of Merlin's neck and he was making disgruntled groans in the back of his throat every time Merlin moved like the last thing he wanted him to do was to leave his side.
Merlin smiled and kissed the top of Arthur's head, ran his fingers through the messiness and thought about how he'd like to say to him that he was beautiful and would be brilliant at anything he decided to do whether it was running the world or driving a bus and could Merlin possibly come along for the ride because his heart had fallen from his chest into Arthur's hands and there was nothing for it but to follow him wherever he took it. He thought about all the things he'd whisper in Arthur's ear and the promises he'd make just to stay. They were all lovely thoughts and dreams and they warmed Merlin from the inside out, but it was morning now and Arthur would be leaving soon. Last night was a one off, something to get out of their systems and be done with, not something that meant beautiful secret words whispered against naked skin and tangled sheets that smelled like sex.
And as if to prove that point Arthur's mobile rang, loud and jangling from the pocket of his jeans that laid sprawled on the floor in a heap where they'd left them last night. Arthur groaned loudly and pushed himself into Merlin as if he were trying to get away from the phone.
"Aren't you going to get that?" Merlin asked.
"M'no. Just dad."
"Will you need to go soon?" Merlin felt as if maybe his voice oughtn't to have choked over those words.
Arthur's grip on his hip tightened and Merlin hoped Arthur's fingers left bruises just to mark that he'd been there. "Yes," Arthur breathed against the skin at base of Merlin's neck.
Instead of saying the things he wanted to say: 'don't go.' and 'I think you've wrecked me for everyone else after you.' and 'please. please don't go.' he hitched his leg further up around Arthur's hip and pulled himself up into Arthur as his arms wrapped around his waist and he nudged at his face until he lifted it up and he could kiss him properly. Like a man in love who wanted to stay. Just stay.
"Merlin. I." Arthur began but was interrupted by his phone ringing again. "Fuck," Arthur swore under his breath as he pulled away from Merlin and rolled out of the bed to search for his phone. Merlin watched as Arthur sat naked on his bedroom floor amidst the pile of their discarded clothes and answered his phone with an angry, "What?" Arthur must not have liked what he heard because he kept carding his fingers through his hair and frowning at the phone like that could somehow change what he was hearing. He mumbled things about, 'already?' and 'how'd you find that out?' and 'bloody Morgana.' Dread settled into Merlin's stomach as he came to realize that his time with Arthur was most likely down to a handful of minutes, if that.
Finally Arthur hung up the phone and looked up at Merlin. He didn't know if he was imagining it because he wanted it to be so badly, but he thought Arthur looked painfully sad and disappointed just then. He seemed so very far away already that Merlin wanted to cry.
"My dad," Arthur said as he waggled the phone a bit, as if Merlin hadn't already known that. "He's just outside actually. Waiting for me."
"Already?" Merlin asked as he sat up, and oh fucking god, his voice had cracked on the word.
"Fucking Morgana told him where you lived." Arthur turned away from Merlin and looked toward the window. "He's always so goddamned impatient. I hate that."
Merlin nodded even though Arthur wasn't looking at him. He didn't know what to say.
"I guess I better get going then," Arthur said as he turned back to look at Merlin. He didn't make any move to leave though. "Merlin. I."
"Yeah," Merlin quickly interrupted, he couldn't fucking take Arthur saying anything about last night being nice or thanking him or any of the other painfully casual goodbyes he could come up with. "Better get going then," he tried for chipper as he got himself up out of bed and started searching for last night's clothes. Arthur watched him in stunned silence, still not moving from where he sat. Merlin sort of wanted to throw a shoe at his head to get him moving so he'd be fucking gone already, when he'd had to untangle the legs of his jeans from Arthur's he'd nearly sat down and started to fucking cry. Arthur needed to be gone so he could wallow and think about jumping out of his fucking window.
Arthur finally started getting dressed after Merlin dropped a third article of his clothing into his lap. His eyes never left Merlin though, he could feel their stare burning into his skin.
"Walk me downstairs?" he asked quietly.
Merlin was about to say no, what was Arthur trying to do? Fucking stab him in the heart? But he made the mistake of looking at Arthur after he asked it and his eyes. Goddamn. His eyes were so fucking blue in the morning light. And hopeful, fucking hopeful too that Merlin couldn't say no.
"Yeah. A'right."
Arthur tried to smile at him but it didn't really work. It was far too broken to be believable.
They finished dressing in a silence that lingered and followed them as Merlin led them downstairs to the building's entry. Merlin could see a shiny black town car waiting on the other side of the street.
"Well, this is it then," Arthur said as he pushed his hands into his back pockets and stared at Merlin.
"Yeah, I guess it is."
"Good luck with everything. Be a good barmaid, Merlin," Arthur joked.
"I'll do my best. I plan on showing lots of cleavage," Merlin said and a sharp burst of laughter broke out of Arthur's mouth.
"That'll do the trick," Arthur nodded.
"I thought so."
They stared at each other and Arthur shuffled his feet. "Well. See you," he said as he took his hands out of his pockets and reached awkwardly for Merlin before dropping them back to his sides. He backed up a few steps toward the door when Merlin blurted out, "Keep in touch?" Arthur's breath hitched and he threw himself forward to wrap Merlin up in a tight hug. Merlin held back for all he was worth.
"I promise."
And with that Arthur abruptly let him go and hurried out the front door. Shocked, Merlin followed him out and stood on the pavement as he watched Arthur cross the road and slip inside the waiting car. Merlin didn't know what to do, the windows were darkened and he had no idea if Arthur was even looking at him but he raised his hand anyway in an awkward half wave as the car slowly pulled away from the kerb.
Merlin couldn't fucking breathe and he wanted desperately to run back inside but his feet were stuck to the goddamn pavement. His hand dropped back to his side as he stood there and watched the car drive away and his heart cracked to pieces inside his chest. He had just turned and had managed to will his feet into moving when he heard his name shouted from down the street.
"Merlin! Wait. Fuck!"
Merlin turned just in time to register the fact that it was Arthur barreling into him and kissing him. Merlin might have even made an unattractive squawking sort of noise before he managed to get his wits about him enough to kiss Arthur back. When they both pulled back breathlessly Merlin punched Arthur in the arm.
"You fucking twat!" he hollered at him.
"Me?" Arthur shouted, "What about you?" and punched him back.
"You're the one that was all, 'well, see you'." Merlin did an absolutely crap imitation of Arthur. "At least I asked you to keep in touch."
"Yeah. Keep in touch. Very sexy and heartfelt, Merlin. You might as well have said, piss off, and don't let the door hit you on the ass on the way out."
"You were being all casual and twatish. What was I supposed to do?"
"You were supposed to tell me last night was fucking perfect, that you'd never felt like that before and that I'd better not walk out of your fucking life because you'd never ever feel that way again. That's what you were fucking supposed to do."
"Was I also supposed to say that I've basically been in love with you for the past four years but was a stupid fucking shit who never did anything about it until it was too late?"
"Yes!" Arthur shouted at him.
"Well, okay then," Merlin said as he threw his hands up in the air. "Done!"
They stood looking at each other for a second or two before bursting into laughter.
"God. Fuck you," Arthur laughed against Merlin's lips as he pulled him into another hug.
"Same to you, asshat." Merlin cupped the back of Arthur's head in his hands and kissed him until he couldn't breathe.
"You're coming to London," Arthur said breathlessly. "As soon as your lease runs out on this shithole of a flat."
"Hey, my flat is nice."
"If you say so."
"I do."
"Fine. Whatever. You're coming to London anyway because that's where I'll be."
"Driving a bus?"
"Of course. While you tend bar and get your perfect little arse pinched by old perverts. There are far more options for your limited skill set in London. It's really quite a smart career move for you."
"It's really sexy and thoughtful how you're thinking about my career right now," Merlin said dryly.
"I know," Arthur smiled as he looked Merlin in the eyes and rubbed his thumb along the arch of Merlin's cheek. "I'm a sexy sort."
Merlin snorted and Arthur kissed him through his laughter.
"I was also thinking," Arthur said as he rested his forehead against Merlin's, "about waking up beside you every morning from now on. I think that would be a brilliant plan, don't you?"
Merlin couldn't speak at first so he kissed Arthur instead, slow and sweet until he thought he could trust himself to quietly answer back, "I think you read my mind."
~End