Chapter Text
"You know I’m only insisting because I worry so much for you, Namjoon,” Hoseok says, putting his hand on his arm. He looks much too invested in the idea of convincing Namjoon to go to the bar with him. “You never go out with us anymore. You refuse to meet anyone who's a little bit interested in you. Don't you feel lonely?"
Namjoon scratches his scalp and sighs as discreetly as possible. He looks at the ceiling and breathes out slowly. He likes Hoseok, he really does, and he'd hate to hurt him. "I'm not lonely. I feel good when I'm by myself."
"But we miss you," Hoseok says in a tiny voice. "Would you come if I promise I won't try to match you with someone this time?"
Honestly, Namjoon would rather not. It's not that he dislikes his coworkers; actually before working his current job he never thought he'd get to go along so well with people he met through work. He would even go as far as to say he likes some of them, but at the end of a long day of work, what he wants is to go home and be alone with his thoughts. He’s left in his past the loud yells and music blasting in tiny, stuffy cheap places.
He knows he would probably end up having fun if he went to the bar with his coworkers, but he also knows going there means having to make a real effort and most of the time the effort is just too big. He makes a face, as discreetly as possible.
"I would need one of you to drive me home," He says finally, hoping to sound as sinister as he feels. His tone sadly doesn't deter Hoseok because he perks up and smiles happily, nodding quickly in a perfect imitation of those tiny dog toys you could see at the back of cars when Namjoon’s parents were his age.
"Of course! Taehyungie is driving me home afterwards anyway and you don't live too far from my flat, Joon. I'm so happy you're coming with us!"
Namjoon didn't confirm anything at any point but he probably set himself up with his answer. He kind of can’t say anymore when he sees how happy Hoseok looks. He musters up the friendliest smile he can, straightens up in his office chair and kisses his evening plans goodbye. "Okay, then," He says. Hoseok is positively glowing.
"Do not sneak on me at the end of the day!" Hoseok says, threatening him with a raised index finger and a bright smile. Namjoon, who was totally wondering if he would be able to sneak out at the end of the day, does his best to not look guilty.
"Obviously not, I would never do that to you!"
Hoseok hugs him. “Of course, you wouldn’t.” And he sounds so trusting that Namjoon knows he would never forgive himself if he did betrayed Hoseok. Seems like he’s going to spend the evening at the bar.
Namjoon finds himself in a tiny crowded booth in an equally tiny, crowded bar, squished between Hoseok and Taehyung. There's also a bunch of his coworkers he doesn't know quite as much and even as he tries to make conversation he feels out of place.
Realistically he knows he's a funny, easy going guy. His friends always seem to enjoy his company and he’s a very entertaining guest during parties and holidays.
But put him in a situation where he's forced to socialise against his will and suddenly all those beautiful qualities go out the window, leaving him with too long limbs and a tangle of anxiety induced thoughts about what to do and what to say. He’s scared he will be too quiet, scared to be too loud, to be boring or to be overbearing so he tries for funny, adding little quips at other people's commentaries. It’s easy enough and it seems to work but it doesn't calm him down fully. He feels a bit relentless. The beers he's been drinking are already having an effect on the way his mouth runs loose.
A woman whose name he doesn't remember leans in his direction and inquires about his love life with the volume and confidence of someone who's had one too many drinks. Namjoon can feel the blush rising to his already red cheeks.
"Joon doesn't like to talk about his love life," Hoseok interjects just as loudly before Namjoon has the time to answer. He seems to be waking up from an alcohol induced trance: one minute ago he was barely blinking. The topic of Namjoon's life seems to have injected life back into him. He hooks his arm around Namjoon's neck and pats his chest soothingly. "Are you interested, Sooyoung?"
The woman quickly denies, her cheeks growing as red as Namjoon's probably are. Namjoon pushes Hoseok back more violently than he was intending to but Hoseok just wrestles him into place and ruffles his hair. He doesn’t seem to notice that Namjoon is getting upset. He promised he wouldn't try to hook him up with anyone!
"I have a fiancé," He says suddenly, interrupting Hoseok's laughter and the woman's quiet protests. Both of them and Taehyung look back at him with varying levels of surprise on their faces. Namjoon feels sweat rolling down his back. "So, uh, yeah. I'm not interested, sorry."
"Right," Hoseok says slowly, patting his chest once again. "Your fiancé. Uh. I heard of them before, obviously."
Namjoon would laugh at how painfully obvious it is that Hoseok is lying. He would laugh if it didn't make his whole declaration look so blatantly false, like a shitty excuse to reject a coworker he's going to have to see every day in the foreseeable future. He twists his mouth. Bites his bottom lip. "I rarely talk about him," He says, raking his muddy brain for a story to tell. For some reason, the memory of a boy flashes in front of his eyes. He thinks the alcohol might help in making him remember this one summer when he was fourteen, spending the holidays at his grandparents' house, bored in the countryside. "I've known him since I was just a boy. We don't get to see each other so much because he doesn't live in town but, uh. We've talked about getting married. When we can," he adds a grimace, the kind that usually makes people want to drop the conversation because of, well. Marriage equality not being a thing.
"That's nice that you are so serious about each other," The woman says, sending a questioning glance to Hoseok. Almost like she's not buying the story. Namjoon bites his bottom lip again.
"I don't talk about him this much because I never really know how people will react, uh. About our relationship. Also I've been kind of smitten with him for so long that it always feels pretty incredible that he wants to marry me, so." The more Namjoon talks, the more the memory of the boy becomes vivid in front of his eyes, the more his words ring true in his ears. The more he sees a luscious scenery of green and blue and kind and patient, warm eyes looking back at him. He almost blushes at the memory. It doesn't even feel like lying anymore.
The woman smiles at him a beat longer then looks back to her neighbour and joins in the discussion going on between Taehyung and her. Hoseok is still looking at Namjoon weirdly but Namjoon shrugs and avoids his eyes. He spends the remaining of the evening daydreaming about warm brown eyes and the softest smile he remembers so clearly. He doesn’t even worry about not talking anymore; instead he thinks about his first kiss on the bench by the lake. He’s tried so many times to replicate the feeling it gave him, but nothing ever came close to it.
Taehyung and Hoseok drive him home as promised. The atmosphere in the car is kind of awkward, Namjoon thinks. He's sitting at the back, feeling pretty much like a kid being taken to school. He can see the looks Hoseok and Taehyung keep exchanging, the looks back at him in the rear view mirror.
"About this fiancé story," Hoseok starts suddenly. "I'm sorry I pushed you so hard to flirt with people that you felt like you had to lie like that."
Namjoon feels the blush rising to his cheeks quickly. He glares at Hoseok then at Taehyung, who’s also surveying him through the mirror. "Is that what both of you think?” He asks, looking from Hoseok to Taehyung and back. “Do you think poor Namjoon could never have a boyfriend, even less a fiancé?" Hoseok raises his hands in front of him as if to defend himself. He shakes his head but Namjoon doesn't let him talk. "Well, sucks for you because I do have a fiancé. I would appreciate it if you stopped acting so high and mighty about this and started respecting him a little more."
Hoseok seems about to retort something but Taehyung puts his hand on his arm to silence him. Namjoon can’t see the look they exchange, but he imagines Taehyung looks stern. Let him believe in his own lie. "Obviously we don't think you couldn't get a fiancé, hyung. You're cool and hot. We're just surprised you never told us about him before, yeah? You should introduce him to us next time he's in town."
"Yeah, you really should," Hoseok adds in a much too ironic tone for Namjoon's taste. "I can't wait to meet the man you're so serious about." And it’s just that, the hint of irony in his voice, that makes Namjoon stop being reasonable.
"You will. Soon." He can tell he’s getting ahead of himself, a wave of anger and feeling of inadequacy taking him. "Actually, would it be okay if I come with him to your birthday party Hoseok?"
Hoseok clearly gapes at him. "Sure," He says. He looks genuinely taken aback. Sweet.
"Cool, we'll be here. It's my stop, Taehyung, thank you."
He feels pretty proud of himself for showing Hoseok how wrong he was so well. He feels so proud of himself, actually, that it takes him to be tucked in his bed before he realises he just announced he would go to Hoseok's birthday with his fiancé.
He doesn't have a fiancé.
And because Namjoon is a man of great taste who loves to read fine literature, he immediately realises what he needs to do.
The truth is that Namjoon is kind of a loner. He wouldn't say he really has too many friends; those he has live too far and honestly, Namjoon appreciates that they can just text and check on each other from time to time but still keep strong bonds. So yeah, he's kind of someone who talks to lots of people but doesn't have many lasting relationships. There's no one he can think of who would accept to be his fake fiancé, either because they would laugh at his face for being an idiot (Yoongi.) or they would laugh at his face for asking them to pull such a stunt (Jeongguk.). Which means he only has one tiny, teeny chance to not look like a huge idiot, and it's to ask the one person he was thinking about initially as he created his pretty fairy tale at the bar. He needs to find Kim Seokjin.
It sounds pretty impossible that he would agree, but it's Namjoon's only chance, and that’s the only reason he's currently boarding a train to his grandparent's countryside town.
He hasn't gone there in almost eight years, since both his grandparents moved to live in a smaller, more practical senior citizen housing close to where his parents live. The last time he saw the house was when he went to help his parents clean it for the sale years before. The boy (The man!) he's intending to find was nowhere to see that day and Namjoon remembers the disappointment he had felt then. Each time he went to the town after that last summer he hoped he could see him. He’d been disappointed every single time.
He daydreams about how Seokjin must look now during the hour-long train ride. He remembers thinking Seokjin was the most handsome boy he’d ever seen, but he was young, inexperienced and smitten. He wonders if he’s become prettier in adulthood or if he’s lost the charm Namjoon was so entranced with.
He still thinks about him as he takes a bus after he leaves the train; the town is that secluded. He thought about carpooling when he planned the trip but the risk of being killed, cut in ten pieces then burnt somewhere in one of the countless forests around the town was too scary. The risk of his bright blue hair scaring away all the locals was also high. He regrets a little not simply searching for Seokjin on FaceBook, like any healthy person would do.
He realises when he boards the bus with only two other travellers that the real risk was spending the afternoon waiting for a car to pass by and seeing none that went in the right direction: the town seems to be that empty. He's grateful for the bus, even if its heating system seems to be broken and blows cold air when Namjoon turns it on. The older lady sitting two rows away glares at him, clearly judging him for that gross mistake.
Namjoon uses the short bus ride to collect his thoughts and wonder what he's going to say; he's only now accepting that his idea might be a little crazy. He doesn't even know where he could find Seokjin. He could be married with kids, for all Namjoon knows. He thinks I don’t have to actually search for him but he knows he will. Even without the shitty fake fiancé story, thinking about Seokjin planted a seed of something in his heart. He cannot imagine not getting to see Seokjin now that he remembered him.
The bus makes several stops, turning what could have been a twenty minutes drive into something much longer. Namjoon thanks the driver when he gets off, imitating the other townspeople who left before him. It feels a little alien and his voice is scratchy. He feels like everyone in the bus can tell he's not from here and this is not one of his habits. To be fair, it's probably the case. He looks too much like a city boy for people to mistake him for one of them.
Namjoon vaguely remembers a bar in the center of the town and decides it will be a good starting point. To his surprise the bar is still open, standing proud in the center of the town. Several older men are sitting on a bench next to the door, glasses long forgotten in their wrinkled hands. Namjoon pushes the door open under their scrutinising eyes. He's pretty sure he saw curtains move in the house on the other side of the street. He does remember people being pretty curious here.
The man greeting him inside the bar is nothing like the old bartender with the hunched back he remembers from his teenage years; he's smiley and young, probably younger than Namjoon himself. His eyes light up as he takes in Namjoon's appearance.
"Hello," He greets slowly. Namjoon greets him back, and the guy’s eyes widen when he talks. "What can I get you?" He's wearing a simple white shirt and a towel nonchalantly slung over his shoulder and is already reaching for the glasses behind the bar. The silver rings on his hand glisten when he moves. Namjoon raises his hands in front of him to stop him and the guy looks disappointed.
"I’m not here for a drink, sorry," He says. "I'm searching for someone and I was wondering if you could tell me where he lives? His name is Kim Seokjin."
The guy's eyes widen again and his mouth twists in a playful frown. "Seokjin hyung, uh? I see he still has the same taste in cute boys. You're in luck, he's here today. Hasn't been in town in months. You'll find him at his parent's, just down the street. It's the house with the blue shutters and the roses next to the door."
Namjoon thanks him and leaves. He can't help but think the man looks familiar; he talked like he was from the town, too. He might have been one of Seokjin's friends in childhood, one of the people Namjoon hung out with in the summer but was too shy to properly talk to. They all seemed so cool and so at ease here while Namjoon felt awkward and too big for his own skin, uncomfortable with grass and bugs and the blaring sun. He wonders if the guy remembered him, and if it’s the reason he invited him to come back if he doesn’t find Seokjin.
Pebbles roll under his feet when he walks down the street. There isn't any sidewalk but so few cars drive by that it's not a problem. The street is covered in bumps and potholes, making it look like it's been affected with a weird skin condition. He kicks at a bigger rock and it rolls down a big hole, making a thunder-like sound. A dog barks from far away.
Should he have bought flowers with him? He's about to ask a man to be his fiancé after all.
He finds the house with the blue shutters as easily as the man told him and as he’s about to knock, an overwhelming anxiety overtakes him. The guy said Seokjin has a taste for cute men. He probably already has a boyfriend or two.
He probably doesn’t even remember him.
After a long hesitation, Namjoon knocks on the door.
He recognises Seokjin’s mother almost instantly, not only because he was expecting to see her. He’d spent lots of time in his teens admiring her beauty, her face so similar to her pretty son’s. She smiles kindly when she greets him even if it’s clear that she’s surprised to find a stranger at her door.
“Hello,” Namjoon says. “Is Seokjin here?” She seems even more surprised but she nods, her smile growing just a bit.
“He’s here, yes. I’m calling him for you.”
He feels very much back in childhood, much smaller, waiting for Seokjin to come play with him by the river. His mother would always prepare snacks for them to eat there and they would disappear for the afternoon, something that worried his own parents greatly but seemed natural here.
He hears her call of Jinnie, someone’s for you! and the storm of someone walking down the stairs before she steps back and Seokjin finally appears.
Namjoon remembers him being beautiful, but it’s nothing to the shockingly handsome face that greets him. He stops breathing as Seokjin frowns and assesses him from head to toe.
“Hi,” He says, leaning against the door that he just closed behind him. Namjoon wonders if his mother is still standing there, trying to spy on them to know who he is. “Did we have sex together? Because if so and I didn’t call you back, there was a lesson to learn from that that wasn’t please chase me down to my parent’s house.”
Namjoon chokes a bit. He knows he’s blushing furiously. “No, nothing like that, I, uh. Hi? I’m Kim Namjoon?” Seokjin’s frown deepens. “My grandparents used to live here. You, uh…” Gave me my first kiss. “We used to play together when we were kids?”
Seokjin’s face smoothens up a bit but he keeps his arms crossed protectively in front of him. He looks Namjoon up and down not too discreetly. “I remember you. Are you on vacation here?”
Namjoon has thought about what to say. He has several perfectly rehearsed sentences ready to go. He can be smooth and charming when he needs to; he can be convincing. Which is why he has no idea why what leaves his mouth instead of his beautifully crafted story is, "Do you remember when you said you would marry me?"
Seokjin squints at him. The tip of his ears are turning red, maybe because of the cold. "What about it?" He says. Namjoon takes a deep breath.
"I need you to do me a huge favor, hyung." If he hoped the hyung would soften him, he clearly has to rethink his plan. Seokjin raises his brows and waits for Namjoon to continue, making no sign that he might be inclined to help. "I told my coworkers I have a fiancé. I don't have a fiancé." Seokjin doesn’t move. Actually, it’s almost as if he didn’t hear Namjoon at all. Namjoon takes a deep breath and gives him a wide, slightly trembling smile. “Remember when we promised to marry each other if we were both still single by the time I’m thirty?”
“Aren’t you twenty-eight?” Seokjin asks, immediately cutting Namjoon’s argument.
“Well yes, but,”
“What’s telling you I’m single?” Seokjin shoots again.
“You asked if we had a one-night stand, that’s a pretty good indicator.”
“I could be taken and unfaithful.”
“Are you?”
“No. Are you a desperate virgin?”
“No!” Namjoon protests loudly. He knows he’s blushing on top of being terribly sweaty. “Listen, I’m not asking you to marry me. I just need someone to fake being engaged to me so my coworkers don’t think I’m a lonely loser.” When Seokjin doesn’t answer, he adds, “I’ll pay you.”
“No,” Seokjin says after another bone chilling silence. “Ask your friends, if you have any.” And then he turns on his heels and closes the door to Namjoon’s face.
Honestly, more than the refusal, what shocks Namjoon is the coldness Seokjin showed him. They haven’t seen each other in years, but all that’s left of his teenage friend is apparently the gorgeous face. There is no kindness or softness in the beautiful brown eyes anymore, nothing of the playful, funny and sweet boy he might have had a little crush on. Seokjin even looked like he was saving his words, like he didn’t want to be here, to be talking to Namjoon at all.
They’d been friends, Namjoon truly believes it. They’d been best friends, even. Sure, they hadn’t talked in years but even if he had an ulterior motive Namjoon was still truly excited to reunite with Seokjin. He was expecting, hoping that Seokjin would be happy to see him as well once the surprise was gone.
He had not seemed happy at all.
Namjoon slowly walks back to the center of the village, wondering what the fuck he can do now that he has to wait six hours for the bus to come back and drop him at the train station. He really didn’t think this plan carefully, uh?
He considers going back to the bar, but getting drunk and spilling embarrassing life stories to a barman is a tad much too dramatic a move for his liking. Behind the bar he remembers the small path into the forest that he walked so many times. Better hike in the cold than wait here in his shame, he decides.
The path isn’t as clear as it used to be when he was a boy, and he thinks maybe the fact that not many young people seem to live here must be the cause. The clearing was mostly made of children's steps, day after day preventing grass from growing. It’s also much shorter than he remembers, maybe because his legs are so much longer now. He easily finds the river, the stone bench that left their asses cold and sore. He’s happy to see there’s no garbage around it; they were always careful not to litter when they were young. Namjoon always had a little plastic bag with him and he sternly forced the other kids to throw their garbage inside. When the bag was heavy, Seokjin always held it for him on their way home.
He sits on the back of the bench, his feet on the seat like he’s done hundreds of times before. A light wind shakes the trees’ branches. The birds that fell silent when he stepped in started chirping again now that he’s settled. Namjoon wonders if they see him as a predator, then thinks: it’s a real human feat to think themselves as scary and important, when the birds most likely went back to their previous activities and don’t care one bit about him. Maybe Seokjin, too, is back to the discussion he had with his parents, all thoughts of Namjoon long forgotten.
It’s been a long time since he’s experienced that calm. He likes the quietness of his flat but living in the city is a tale of background noises, some he forgets about and some that are always on his mind. Here, the sounds are so natural that he tunes out of it until all he hears are his thoughts, much too loud for his tastes.
Suddenly his thoughts make place to the sound of steps, and Namjoon’s heart starts going crazy until he turns around and finds Seokjin in a plaid, walking to him with his jaw clenched. He doesn’t hesitate to perch himself next to Namjoon, serious eyes looking at the water above. Namjoon’s eyes on his side profile.
“I am sorry,” He says slowly, lowering the plaid until it’s uncovering his shoulders. He’s wearing a light blue sweater that’s a perfect replica of something Namjoon remembers him wearing when he was sixteen. “I was rude to you. I would get it if you didn’t want to talk to me. I wouldn’t want to talk to me.” He frowns but still doesn’t look at Namjoon. His hand comes to tug on his sleeve like he wants it to cover up to the tip of his fingers, but the sleeve is too short. Namjoon realises the sweater actually is the one he remembers from their teenhood, and he wonders why Seokjin would keep wearing it if it’s clearly too small. “Truth is I don’t like myself much when I’m here and I took it all out on you. I shouldn’t have. I’m sorry.”
“It’s alright, hyung. I came to you without warning and with a pretty weird request, I should have expected you’d say no.”
“You weren’t expecting me to say no?” Seokjin asks, surprised. There’s still a bit of an edge to his voice but it’s not hostile the way it was in front of his parents’. More… Uncomfortable. Namjoon can’t blame him.
“Like I said, I didn’t really think before I came. You were the only person I could think of. Like you said, I don’t really have many friends.”
“That was rude,” Seokjin says quickly. “I’m sorry I called you a lonely loser and a desperate virgin.” Namjoon winces a little.
“Now the birds and the fishes all know about it too, uh?” He asks in a too light, teasing voice. Seokjin grimaces.
“Sorry.”
“It’s alright. I have friends, you know. But none I could ask something like that.” He trails off, biting his bottom lip. “Not that this is something one should ask to anyone. I’ll just come clean to my coworkers.”
“Will they be understanding about it?” Seokjin asks softly, like he’s uncertain. Namjoon shrugs but nods.
“Probably. If they aren't, I can probably resign from my job and move out to the other side of the planet.”
“Or…” Seokjin twists his hands together and sends him a glance without turning his head, so quick Namjoon almost misses it. “You could introduce them to your fiancé.”
“My fiancé?” The tip of Seokjin’s ears are bright red and he stubbornly keeps his eyes on the water in front of them, even as Namjoon precariously turns to face him and almost falls down the bench. “You’d do it?”
“I mean.” Seokjin shrugs, wrapping the plaid up to his chin. “Yeah. I did promise to marry you when we were young, didn’t I? And I like to keep my promises.”
"Alright," Namjoon agrees. "Thank you hyung. That's, uh. That's really generous of you. Are you sure though?" He asks again, feeling suddenly guilty for bringing Seokjin, someone he doesn't know anymore, into this mess with him. "I mean... It's a bit..."
"I'll keep my promise," Seokjin says stubbornly. "How hard can it be to be your fiancé anyway, Namjoon-ah? Did you turn into a monster since we last met?"
"I might," Namjoon says with a smile. "Did you?"
"Well, you saw me," Seokjin shrugs, and then finally he agrees to meet Namjoon's eyes, a shy glance upward. "Patience didn't come to me with age, I guess." He lets out a long sigh that blows his bangs out of his eyes. There are little smile lines at the corner of his eyes. "Where do you live now Namjoon? I didn't see a car I didn't know in town."
"I live in Seoul. I don't, uh, have a car. Or a driving licence. I came by train."
"Oh," Seokjin smiles softly and digs into his jeans' pocket for car keys. "Can I drive you, then? We'll get to plot for our future apparition in front of your coworkers."
"To the train station?" Namjoon asks. He gets up and dusts his ass, finds pieces of moss hanging from the fabric.
"To Seoul," Seokjin corrects. At Namjoon's surprised look he smiles and looks away. "I live there too, so..."
"You don't..." Namjoon realises now it was kind of stupid to not entertain the idea of Seokjin not living here anymore. He probably thought of the village as something unchanging. "You don't live here. The bartender did say I was lucky you were here today."
"You saw Jimin? Oh, dear. We're going to be the talk of the neighbourhood."
"Does it bother you?" Namjoon asks, feeling regretful. Seokjin shrugs with a little smile.
"They need something to talk about, it's alright. Nothing new or groundbreaking."
Seokjin leads them back out of the forest path then to his parents' house. He’s walking one step ahead, like he’s embarrassed to be with Namjoon, or doesn’t know how to talk to him. Namjoon notices several other curtains fluttering as they walk down the street and Seokjin scoffs when someone opens their door to usher a dog out while ostentatiously staring at them. He gives them a little wave, but they don't even look that phased at being so clearly busted and close the door without answering. The dog paws pitifully at the door, visibly very unhappy he’s been shoved outside.
Seokjin's mother complains loudly when he announces he's going to leave earlier than planned. They both enter the little hallway Namjoon never walked in back when he was a child, and he stays there as mother and son talk back and forth, Seokjin disappearing to retrieve his stuff. Namjoon can tell he's tensing as they're talking and he feels guilty about being the source of a disagreement.
"I need to drive Joon home," Seokjin argues amiably. His mother turns to him and her eyes widen. Namjoon wishes he wouldn't get her full attention like that.
"Joon... Little Namjoon? The gangly boy you used to play with, that you were obsessed with, that Namjoon? How are your grandparents, Namjoon? We haven't heard from them in so long!" Without waiting for his answer she turns to her son who's coming down the stairs back from what Namjoon assumes is his room. "You never told me you were still seeing Namjoon, Seokjinnie!"
"It's a recent development," Seokjin says, ears red. He's holding two bags and Namjoon acts on impulse when he grabs one of them and swings it over his shoulder. That seems to make something snap in Seokjin because he moves closer, until their shoulders are touching. "We've been seeing each other," He says, his hand wrapping around Namjoon's, "And we decided to start dating." Blood rushes violently to Namjoon's cheeks and he does his best not to tense too much. Seokjin's cheek presses to his shoulder, and then he looks up sweetly at Namjoon, who struggles to reciprocate the eye contact.
"Oh," His mother says, her eyes widening. "That's great, that's good, great! You always liked him so much, it's nice that you too could find yourself in contact again. You'll be nice to him, right Seokjinnie?"
Namjoon tenses once again. He was so expecting his mother to ask Namjoon to treat her son right, not the other way around. Seokjin doesn't seem too surprised, but not too thrilled either. Namjoon squeezes his hand softly, not sure what he's trying to achieve.
"I will. Say bye to dad for me, yeah?"
"He'll be upset you left while he was absent," She says, not totally hiding the bitter note in her voice. Seokjin looks down.
"I know he will. Sorry. Namjoon is working early tomorrow."
Seokjin’s car is a small eco-friendly car who’s passenger seat is cluttered with a big water bottle, several receipts and, weirdly enough, a large map of South Korea. Seokjin blushes as he takes and throws all the items on the back seat so Namjoon can sit. “Sorry,” He says, patting the seat to rid it of the dust. “Uh. You can sit.” Namjoon cautiously folds his legs to get inside the small car and Seokjin looks everywhere but at him, gesturing to the seat. “You can push the seat back but be careful, the mechanism is kind of broken and…” The seat violently folds on itself, stopped only by Namjoon’s body, and a squeaky, surprised laugh falls out of Seokjin’s mouth. “And it kind of doesn’t work anymore. Other lever.”
Even with the seat stretched back to the maximum, Namjoon's legs are still a bit uncomfortable. Seokjin reaches for the gloves compartment and blushes once again when his hand touches Namjoon’s knee.
“Could you get me my sunglasses, please?” He asks, sitting back properly. Namjoon kind of has to fold himself over to open it, and gives to Seokjin the ridiculous pair of sunglasses he finds there. Their fingers touch when he passes them to him, and he thinks about the way Seokjin had so confidently wrapped his hand around his’ in front of his mother, and he wonders why he flinches now.
Seokjin starts the car and both of them are silent until they leave the town behind. Namjoon is looking around frantically, desperately searching for something to say that wouldn’t be too dumb and that would make Seokjin believe he’s someone interesting. He must look manic to Seokjin with the way he keeps looking at the car then at the scenery outside.
“Wanna put on some music?” Seokjin suggests, probably because he saw him eyeing the antique looking car radio. “It connects to bluetooth, you can just…” He gestures to the device, eyes still on the road. “Figure it out.”
This Namjoon knows how to do. If there’s one thing he’s confident in, it’s his tastes in music. Music was also one of the things Seokjin and he bonded on back in their days. He fiddles delicately with the radio for a moment before he manages to turn it on and connect it to his phone. If Seokjin notices his surprise when he sees he nicknamed the device Seokjinnie’s boombox, he doesn’t show it.
They’re barely leaving the town when Seokjin’s phone chimes softly. Seokjin rolls his eyes. “My mom,” He says. “Can you tell me what she’s saying?” And he grabs the phone from his coat’s pocket and throws it in Namjoon’s general direction. He doesn’t react quickly enough to catch it so the phone bounces on his thigh and falls between his feet. Namjoon hears Seokjin’s snort even with his head down, searching frantically for the phone.
“Hyung, you sure?” He asks when the phone is secure in his hand. It’s an older iphone model, far from Namjoon’s brand new shiny one. “What if it’s private?”
“It rarely is,” Seokjin answers easily. “And we’re boyfriends now, so…”
“Hyung!” Namjoon protests loudly. He feels his cheeks warming up as Seokjin laughs loudly. “We’re… We’re not…”
“Already dumping me?” Namjoon splutters some more. “I’m teasing you Joon, don’t worry. I promise my mom’s text won’t be private, can you please read it to me?”
“Yes obviously,” Namjoon answers, heart beating too fast and cheeks still flaming. Seokjin gives him his phone password without a second thought and Namjoon glances at him curiously. Does he simply give out his passwords to anyone? It doesn’t seem terribly safe or responsible. “She says Drive safely! I am happy you’ve found a nice, proper young man this time. Text me when you’re home!.” Seokjin has a strange little smile on his face when Namjoon turns to look at him. Namjoon bites his bottom lip, wondering if he wants to take the risk to cross some boundaries. “Hyung… Were you in a bad relationship in the past?” He asks finally. Seokjin waves his hand.
“I’ve never been in a relationship,” He says. “But my mom once came unannounced and she happened to see the guy I spent the night with getting out of the bathroom. He had a huge tattoo on his back and she found that terribly vulgar. Obviously I told her he was my recent boyfriend and I staged a breakup a couple weeks later. One night stands are terribly, horribly vulgar.” He glances at Namjoon, maybe to evaluate his reaction to his story. “I’m a very pretty crier, it made the fake breakup much more believable.”
Namjoon swallows. Licks his lips. “What if I have a huge tattoo on my back?”
“Do you?” Seokjin asks. Namjoon shakes his head. “I have one here,” He continues, showing his ribs. “She doesn’t know about it. Obviously.”
“Obviously,” Namjoon agrees. He kind of considers asking what the tattoo is and wonders if Seokjin would offer to show him instead of answering but he decides against it. As a teenager, Seokjin was too obviously trying to hide how shy he was about his body.
“So, what’s our story?” Seokjin asks after a while. He’s bopping his head to the rhythm of the music as he speaks and Namjoon feels stupidly proud that he’s apparently enjoying his selection.
“Oh well, I’ve been thinking…” Namjoon pulls his little notebook out of his pocket and turns the pages until he finds the one he was searching for. “Maybe we could have met one day I came to the village because I was nostalgic about it. You would invite me to come in, well.” He takes a pen out of his pocket to scratch something on the page. “Your parents’ house, and…”
“I would invite you to the bar,” Seokjin interrupts. “Not my parents’.”
Namjoon looks up at him, tapping the end of his pen against his bottom lip. “Oh?” He says. “Alright. The bar. Where we exchanged numbers and then we started talking regularly. I, uh, kinda told them you didn’t live in Seoul though, so…”
“I moved there recently.”
“Really?” Namjoon asks, surprised. Seokjin shakes his head.
“No.” He smiles when Namjoon frowns. “What, we can lie about being engaged but not about where I live?”
“It’s just… It complicates my plan a lot, and…” He quickly reads over the rest of his text and sighs. “I had a bunch of things on there about how we spent weekends at each other’s and had visit dates, but now it feels kind of…” He waves his hand. “Wasted.”
“You thought about that very seriously,” Seokjin notes. He looks at Namjoon, then quickly returns to the road. “Like I said, it doesn’t have to be wasted. It’s not like I’ve visited many things in Seoul anyway so we can always have those dates.” When Namjoon’s frown deepens, he adds : “We need to have dates, right? We’ll need photos. We’ll need anecdotes. And we need to get to know each other. It will be so much more organic this way.”
Suggesting that anything about fake dating is organic is kind of a fluke, in Namjoon’s opinion, but he can’t say Seokjin’s plan isn’t smart. “Okay,” He says finally. “My friend’s birthday party is in a month, which means three weekends to have fake dates.”
“Perfect! Just the right amount of fake dates before I have fake sex!” He laughs when Namjoon chokes on his spit. “I’m joking, I’m joking! I told you I don’t date Namjoon-ah, didn’t you listen to me?”
“I did listen to you! Hyung!” Namjoon protests. He knows full well he’s blushing and he wonders if Seokjin noticed. He wonders if Seokjin would keep on teasing him or if he would drop the subject if he saw Namjoon being embarrassed about it. “Should we… Should we incorporate this in our background?”
“I mean, I don’t know if it could come up,” Seokjin answers. He pushes his sunglasses up his nose. “But we could. We could say I never dated anyone because deep down I was still thinking about you, my first love.”
“Oh that’s… that would be sweet, yeah. Good one.” Namjoon doesn’t dare asking Seokjin if he really was his first love. Seokjin was his first kiss, the first boy he held the hand of, someone he made a promise to marry when they would be older. Seokjin was, without a doubt, Namjoon’s first love. He’s not about to tell him that either. “We could say I was the same. We could say that’s why I’ve never had any long lasting relationships before.”
“You haven't?" Seokjin seems taken aback by the revelation. "But you're…" He trails of, and doesn't start speaking again until Namjoon encourages him. "A catch? I mean, we haven't talked much but from what I see you… You know. Yeah. I don't know." Namjoon shrugs, embarrassed by Seokjin’s declaration. He's not half as much a catch as Seokjin himself is, but he can't say he's not flattered by his words. "Anyway, we're engaged, yeah?" Seokjin asks. "Who asked the big question?"
"You," Namjoon answers immediately, not lifting up his face from the notebook where he's scribbling notes. "I mean," He adds when the silence stretches between them. "Is it okay with you? I kind of like the idea of being romanced but if it feels unnatural to you then we can change."
"I'll romance you," Seokjin says. He's holding the steering wheel kinda tightly, Namjoon thinks. His knuckles look white. Or maybe he's too cold? He turns the heat of the car up a notch. "I mean, if that's what you like, then fake-me would make sure to give you the best proposal. Private but super romantic. Do you like roses?" Namjoon wrinkles his nose. "Lilies? What about no cut flowers? I'm thinking a huge ivy making up an arch."
“They’ll want to see photos if you tell them that,” Namjoon says softly. He would like the huge ivy arch, though. “We’d be safer with a normal dinner I think.”
“Okay,” Seokjin sounds unhappy but convinced enough. “Was there anything else on your plan that you’d like to go through?”
“Where do you live? Doesn’t it sound weird that we’re engaged but aren’t living together?”
“It doesn’t if we’re confident in our relationship,” Seokjin answers easily. “We could say the reason I recently came to live in Seoul was so we were closer and could see each other more often. Where do you live, by the way? I need to know where I’m dropping you off.” He looks surprised when Namjoon gives his address but still schools his expression and smiles at him. “We’re like… Practically neighbours. Even more believable, don’t you think?”
“Why wouldn’t we live together then?”
“Before we’re married? That’s unlawful.” Namjoon blushes furiously and lets the subject drop. He adds a couple of precisions to his notebook and rereads his notes critically. There’s not enough to fool his coworkers for now but if they see each other the next three weekends, then… His heart quickens again thinking about all those days they’re going to have to spend together, just the two of them. For someone who’s generally uneasy with one on one, Namjoon feels surprisingly at ease alone in a car with Seokjin.
He’d been taken aback, even a little hurt, at how easily Seokjin had rejected him at first. He’d been a little angry at him, maybe a little angry at himself for keeping the memory of Seokjin so close to his heart. But since they’ve sat in the car everything has been so easy : talking to Seokjin but also the way Seokjin had agreed or added suggestions to each of Namjoon’s ideas. Like he’d warmed up to the idea of fake dating Namjoon in a heartbeat, to the point that it was just normal for him now.
He tries to be discreet when he peers at Seokjin but the little smile that blooms on Seokjin’s face shows him he failed. He looks away immediately.
“You need to stop being so flustered when you’re caught looking at him if we want to sell the idea that we’re really dating,” He says playfully.
“Eh,” Namjoon says, scratching his warm nape. “Isn’t it cute that I’m flustered looking at my handsome fiancé?” This time it’s Seokjin who blushes, the tip of his ears turning bright red.
“I guess some people might find it cute…” Seokjin agrees quietly. Namjoon openly looks at him now, curious to witness the shyness he knew in teenager Seokjin in that much older version of him. Back then, Seokjin would physically push Namjoon away when he’d been too openly admiring him. Namjoon never knew what was wrong about him being so fascinated by Seokjin’s beautiful face. It wasn’t like he was being creepy, and Seokjin never reacted the same when Jimin or any of their other friends would tell him he was beautiful. “Will you stop looking at me now?” He asks finally, quietly, when Namjoon keeps contemplating him.
“Need to get used to it,” Namjoon says. “There’s a lot to get used to.” Seokjin’s blush darkens.
“I mean… You’re not wrong.” Seokjin concedes softly. He straightens up a little. Namjoon finds it cute. It also reminds him of how his mother would scold him when she saw him walking with his shoulders slouching. He was taller than Namjoon, back then, but when he stood like that they were almost the same height.
Seokjin pushes his glasses up again. His hand is half hidden by his sweater sleeve and Namjoon notices then that he’s changed before leaving and is now wearing what must be his everyday clothes. The pale blue sweater seems comfortable and warm under the jeans jacket. He looks awfully cosy and Namjoon wonders if he wears those same clothes to go to work or if they’re his at home clothes.
“You can sleep, you know.” Namjoon slaps a sorry hand over his yawning mouth. “I won’t mind. You must have left early this morning.”
“Sorry.” Namjoon smiles sheepishly. “I’m a little tired.”
“I’ll wake you up when we arrive,” Seokjin assures him. He turns the music a little quieter. Namjoon falls asleep quickly, but not quickly enough that he doesn’t have the time to hear Seokjin softly singing along to the song from Namjoon’s playlist. His voice is lovely, less breathy than it was when he was a boy. Namjoon wants to tell him that but sleep takes him before he has the time to open his mouth.
"Joon!" Seokjin is shaking him, not unkindly but he's being more and more forceful as Namjoon struggles to remember where he is. What he's doing. What? "Namjoon, we're here."
Namjoon jerks awake, turning to see that they are, in fact, stationed in front of his building. Night has set already and without any light in the car, the situation feels weirdly intimate. Especially because Seokjin’s hand is still on his shoulder, so close to his neck.
"Thank you hyung, you didn't have to bring me to the building itself," He says, voice rough with sleep. From his peripheral view he sees Seokjin’s eyes going huge.
"It was nothing, I really live super close," He says. Then he stops talking but doesn't stop contemplating Namjoon, a little like he's expecting him to do something.
Right, Namjoon realizes belatedly. I have to quit the car.
"Thank you again," He starts. For the drive? For accepting to fake date him? Shit, does Seokjin still want to fake date him? "I'll be going. Good night."
"Didn't you forget anything?" Seokjin asks, tone light and teasing. Namjoon rakes his brain to figure out what he must mean but comes back empty. He hopes the pleading look he sends Seokjin accurately depicts how out of depth he is. "How's my fiancé going to contact me if he doesn't have my number?"
"Oh! Yeah, yes. You're right. Here, you can type it in," Namjoon says, handing him his unlocked phone.
"So trusting, Namjoon-ah," Seokjin mutters. "You gotta be more careful with these things. Following a guy into his car, giving him your phone…"
"Ah ah," Namjoon fake laughs. Seokjin looks up at him with a grin. He calls his own phone with Namjoon's then gives him the device back. He's still smiling like he got Namjoon good.
"If we were really dating," He says, leaning slowly towards Namjoon until he has to go cross eyes to look at him. "It's the moment I would kiss you goodnight."
Namjoon blushes. Who do Seokjin think he is, acting all flirty suddenly? Is it training already? Is he being tested on his abilities to sell their fake relationship? Determined not to fail the test, he quickly leans and kisses Seokjin’s cheek.
"Goodnight hyung. Text me when you're safely home," He says, leaving the car in a hurry. If he passed the test with the kiss, his awkward getting out of the car just after probably ruined the effect, he thinks, dejected.
He turns when he's about to enter the building to see that Seokjin’s car is still parked there, Seokjin looking at him getting home safely. He thinks he can see that Seokjin’s hand is on his cheek, maybe trying to wipe away Namjoon’s kiss. He didn't get saliva on him in his haste, right?
He quickly gets back inside and falls on his bed, replaying the events of the day in his head on loop. Just as he thinks of the kiss his phone vibrates next to him. He squeals when he sees the name of the contact.
My first and last love:
Home!