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Don’t Be Afraid to Prick Yourself on the Rosebush

Summary:

a mainly plot-driven, with some porn slow burn fic featuring our two favorite members of the Church of Favonius: the ever-flawless Deaconess Barbara and the vigilante Sister Rosaria! Barbara can’t be honest with herself and her feelings, and Rosaria finds it hard to believe/accept other people's kindness when directed towards her, but together they can overcome their flaws ᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ and maybe get a lil’ frisky along the way…

Chapter 1: The Stalker is being Stalked

Summary:

In which Rosaria decides to do something for Barbara, thus beginning the development of their relationship. Also, Sister Victoria is a mood.

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

“Lady Barbara!! Where are youuu?”

Outside the Mondstadt Cathedral, a deep voice could be heard rising above the din produced by the comings-and-goings of the daily religious service. Crowds of people pushing and shoving each other to exit the building did not seem to bother the owner of the voice, a stout young man, hollering at the top of his lungs in the direction of the entrance archway.

“Excuse me, have you seen Lady Barbara? I’ve got to apologize for being late to today’s service.”

“I’m sorry, I haven’t—“

Dissatisfied with his original plan, the man turned to asking random passers-by if they had seen the person he was searching so desperately for. To his best efforts, they merely turned away with a half-hearted wave and an occasional scowl. It seemed few, if any, were interested in entertaining this man’s persistent requests, and even less were keen on keeping him in their minds for any more than a moment.

Excluded in this respect was a tall, slender figure standing in the shade of one of the Cathedral’s domineering buttresses. This person—whoever they were—insisted on surveying and criticizing the man’s every move. The longer the man stayed, pestering people with his questions, the more and more said figure’s eyes narrowed, glowering at him from a distance.

Eventually, even the man seemed to grow tired, learning nothing from the near half-hour he spent wandering the outside of the Cathedral. As the crowd thinned and the sun began to set on the sacred day of the Anemo Archon, he settled down on a bench off the side of the cathedral, not far away from where the shadowy figure still lent its gaze in his direction.

“It seems she really is avoiding seeing me…”

Making this ridiculous proclamation to no one in particular, the man put his face in his hands and wailed loudly. He truly was a pitiful sight, desperate for the attention of someone who probably didn’t even know he existed. He was blissfully unaware of any of this, however, as he was wholly incapable of viewing himself in any other light than with the overwhelmingly positive eyes that a child views oneself in.

Clack, clack, clack.

The man raised his head upon hearing the sharp, sudden sound of metal against stone tiles. His gaze, unsure where to look at first, eventually landed on a tall woman walking slowly towards him. This woman was the figure peering so intently at the man just a few moments earlier, now making her way towards him with ambiguous intentions.

This woman was a sister from the Cathedral, though if not for the veil atop her head, you wouldn’t have known it. Her long, dark red skirt was partially split off to one side, revealing powerful-looking legs adorned in red and black accessories. Her white “habit” clung to her rather than hung over her, seemingly kept in place that way for convenience, or perhaps stealth. Her long white gloves were tipped in silver, claw-like rings that looked more suited for piercing flesh than merely looking pretty. Bags under her eyes seemed to suggest wakefulness rather than tiredness, and her deathly pale skin and deep red hair were seldom seen in the city of Mondstadt. It was this violent, deadly-looking woman who now approached the man with an unreadable look on her face.

“Albert… is your name?”

“Ah— yes, yes that’s right.”

“I was sure I’d seen you around here before.”

Albert responded to the woman’s question timidly, still unsure of how to act around her. She had then spoken clearly, without any apparent emotion or signs of hatred. In his desperation, Albert took this to mean she had come towards him with the intent of helping him find his idol.

“Do you know where Lady Barbara is?”

“…Mmm, yes. Might I ask why you require her specifically?”

“I need to ask for forgiveness for being so late to today’s service. I had other duties to take care of at the marketplace today.”

“If it is a religious matter you seek, then I am sure someone like me would suffice, no? Not much separates a mere sister like me and a deaconess like her. Unless, of course, I am mistaken about something…”

“Oh, no, no. No offense to you of course, sister, er—“

“Rosaria.”

“Sister Rosaria! I just thought, um, wouldn’t it be best to apologize to someone a bit—how shall I say—higher up? In the hierarchy of the Church.”

Sister Rosaria’s face betrayed no sign of emotion as Albert boldly stated this denouncement of her value as a member of the Church.

“If that is what you desire, then why not seek out Sister Victoria, specially assigned for confessions such as this? Or even Lady Dahlia, the deacon, for that matter? I’m sure they’d all be happy to hear what you have to say.”

“I— yes, I suppose I could just ask them, c-couldn’t I?”

“If you’d like, I could take you to one of them right now.”

“Oh, no, don’t bother. I mean— don’t bother yourself with me. I’ll be able to manage finding them on my own.”

Albert slumped away in the direction of the main entrance, demotivated by a conversation that seemed perfectly helpful in respect to his stated wishes. Satisfied with her handiwork, Sister Rosaria returned to the side entrance where she previously stood, intent on entering the Cathedral herself. On the way there, she bumped into Sister Victoria, the very woman she had just advised Albert to go seek.

If Rosaria's outward appearance seemed to suggest that she was anything but a nun, Victoria's appearance was the opposite. She was dressed in a very prim and proper habit and veil, with nothing indicating a difference from the norm. Her face was soft and kindly, but she had a shrewd look in her eyes, as if she harbored secret thoughts on everyone she laid her eyes on.

“Sister Rosaria! Might I ask who that was just now?”

“Albert again. He’s been asking people where Barbara is over and over again since service ended a while ago. I decided to do something about it.”

It seemed as though Sister Rosaria only kept up formalities when speaking with people who she was unfamiliar with.

“You didn’t tell him anything harmful, did you?”

“I only asked him a couple of questions to see what he wanted. He could barely hide the fact that he just wanted to see her, the man has no idea how to lie.”

“I just wish he’d leave Lady Barbara alone. As if she didn’t have enough on her plate already without him pestering her all the time.”

“Don’t act like she’s innocent. She likes the attention, I bet.”

“Who’d like the attention of a stalker like him? I mean— sorry, I shouldn’t say things like that. I lost track of myself.”

Rosaria snorted at this. It was clear to all the sisters that Albert only loitered around the Cathedral for the off-chance that he could see Barbara and be in her presence. It was natural for someone like Barbara to have fans, but Albert simply took things too far. At one point, he had approached her after a performance, promptly taken off his shirt, and asked her to sign his back with her name—to which, of course, she had agreed. He then proceeded to parade around the city, loudly boasting about how he had gotten her to smile. Barbara was thankfully unaware of the latter part of this story, but the rest of the sisters knew it by heart, as they were the first ones he told—or rather, showed.

Sister Victoria continued.

“Can’t we get the Knights of Favonius in on this?”

“Technically, technically, he hasn’t done anything legally reprehensible.”

What?!

“I know, I know, but I’ve checked. And I don’t think Jean—“

“The Acting Grandmaster.”

“The Acting Grandmaster Jean will bend the law that much, even if it is for her sister. She’ll probably just scold Barbara for letting him get away with all this.”

“—“

“Maybe we should let her scold Barbara for letting him get away with all this.”

“No, no, that would stress out the Acting Grandmaster. Alright, if the Knights are a no-go, then I think we can still handle him on our own. Just make sure he never sees her again and he’ll eventually lose interest, right?”

“Yes, and in case he doesn’t…”

“No! You will not be off committing murder for the juvenile act of stalking, Sister Rosaria. What he needs is his family, some good friends to support him, perhaps. Let’s talk to Lady Barbara as well, for good measure.”

“I thought ‘she had enough on her plate already.’”

“—Surely a gentle reminder wouldn’t be too much trouble. But let's talk to her tomorrow, before the morning service. That way, we won't draw too much attention.”

“If you say so.”

Rosaria had retorted with a hint of sarcasm in her voice, but it was clear that the notion of telling the young deaconess off for something made her ever so slightly excited; a sort of revenge, on her part, for being constantly pestered by Barbara throughout Rosaria’s own time working for the Church.

The two of them continued inside the Cathedral, the setting sun casting long shadows through the dappled stained glass windows that spanned the entirety of the structure’s walls. At this time of the day, in the silence of dusk, the Cathedral looked very empty and lonely. Had it not been for the crowds of people that were just outside, you wouldn’t have guessed that this was a place many people frequented to say their prayers or just enjoy themselves. It felt more like a building that was quietly abandoned by its residents, and left to age in the unrelenting elements. Yet bringing life to that building was a sole, sweet voice, echoing from beneath the floorboards. The words it was singing were only barely discernible, but anyone could tell that its owner was putting all her effort and passion into making sure it sounded as beautiful as possible. This voice alone seemed to reverse the Cathedral’s aging more than 10 years, truly earning it the title of Mondstadt’s heart and soul.

“I’ve wanted to ask, it’s rare to see you so invested in the activities of the Church. Is there any particular reason you’re taking initiative here, Sister Rosaria?”

“I suppose I just enjoy toying with people who lack basic cognitive reasoning skills. That, and, I’m tired of hearing Barbara’s stupid justifications as to why she doesn’t just shoo him away. ‘He just likes to see my smile.’ Puh-lease.”

“I see.”

With that, they descended into the convent of the sisters, still listening to Barbara practicing her latest song on the way there.

Notes:

hooray, you made it to the end! this is the first time i've published something i've written, so i hope you liked it.

i was inspired to write this after seeing some (slightly nsfw) cosplay pics of barbara on instagram - if you know what i'm talking about, no you don't - and it got me thinking, hm. who would barbara fall for? my mind landed on rosaria and the imagination kinda took over from there - it just made perfect sense. maybe because i see myself in barbara and i like tall women with vaguely bondage-inspired designs.

i've been reading a lot of light novels lately, so if there are any similarities in language with other LNs you've read, then that's probably why. it's a first for me to write something as grounded as this - usually my fiction is very abstract and dream-y (i like magical realism), but we'll see how it goes!