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“Can we just... Can we talk?”
It was 3am in Pittsburgh and Neal knew that bothering Geno now wasn't a great idea, but he had to talk to someone and no one needed to hear this more than Geno did.
“Nealsy?” Geno’s voice came back in a whisper, sounding almost broken.
“Yeah, G, it’s me,” he whispered, allowing a silence to fall between them. “I’m.... I miss you.”
James closed his eyes tightly and let his tears leak out. He was a mess. He managed fine for the first months in Nashville but being away was suddenly too overwhelming for him. There were so many things that he never got to say to Geno and now he’s stuck at the other side of the country, wishing he’d been man enough to confess his feelings before.
“Why you leave me?” Geno asked in a stronger voice than before, after a painfully long pause. James knew that he’d be able to hear him crying through the phone, but at this stage he didn't even care. He was too desperate to talk to him.
“G, I had to.” He sniffed. “I'm sorry. I wanted to see you, but...” His voice broke. He never said goodbye face to face to his friend. They texted, but he knew he couldn’t handle any more than that without breaking down or confessing his love for his best friend. “I couldn’t. I can’t... I can’t do this without- G, I'm sorry. Please.”
“You crying,” Geno said into the phone. “Why sad? Nashville treat good, right?”
“Geno.” Neal cried, gripping the phone tightly in frustration because he knew Geno didn't understand any of what he was feeling. “Fuck, G, I said I miss you. I'm sad cos, fuck.” Neal dropped his head into his hand, realising how stupid he sounded. “I should go,” he mumbled. “Sorry I woke you.”
“James wait!” Geno interjected just before he could hang up. “I miss you, James.”
Neal’s breath caught in his throat and a small smile came onto his lips before another sob broke out. He didn't just miss Geno, though, he loves him and can’t stand not being able to see him anymore.
“I can’t handle it,” he whispered, “not seeing you. It hurts, G.”
“See me on TV?” Geno suggested, which made Neal laugh even though he wasn’t in the mood for laughing anymore. “Instagram?”
“You’re a fucking idiot,” James forced out of himself.
“You call me at 3am and expect smart response?” Geno asked, sounding amused despite everything.
“Fuck you.” Neal laughed and just like that he was slowly starting to feel okay again, just like he did back in Pittsburgh whenever Geno would insult him or challenge the things he said. “I love you,” he whispered absentmindedly. “Shit.”
James’ heart pounded as the other end of the phone went silent. Yes, he’d called with the intention of telling the Russian how he really felt, but after hearing how sleepy and confused the guy was he knew it wasn't the right time. Geno wouldn't want to know, no matter how much Neal wanted him to.
“Please say something,” Neal begged. “I... Sorry. I just miss you. G?”
Geno let out a deep breath which made Neal shiver.
“Didn't think you’d say that,” Geno whispered and Neal felt his heart breaking.
“I didn't mean it-”
“No, you did. I want you to say before, but... no. You leave instead.”
James bit his lip and tried to work out what his friend was implying. He knew before?
“I couldn’t tell you. I didn’t want to ruin everything.”
“Chance gone,” Geno whispered, his voice sounding shakier now.
“What?”
“We had Pittsburgh and we play together. We could’ve been together, James. Now, all ruined. You gone.”
“G, please, you want this too? You want us? Say yes. Please. Please try. I can’t handle it.”
Geno was silent for a long time which felt even longer to James. He was starting to regret even calling. Maybe he'd ruined everything now.
“James... I don't want you be sad,” Geno whispered. “But we can't do this now. Not, not anymore. You have Nashville and Canada, I have Pittsburgh and Russia. No time.”
“I'd make time for you, G. Fuck. You know I love you. Please, please don't.”
“We talk another time. James this, this too much now. I can't think. Need time.”
“Okay,” he whispered through his tears.
“I'll call you. I'm sorry I just not sure how to make work.”
James nodded, wishing this could have played out the way it had in his dreams. They'd both be happy and they'd meet up the next day and lie in bed together all day and all night. It would be perfect.
But that's not how all of this works. Instead, James has to play a game the next day far away from where Geno is and when he eventually returns to Pittsburgh to play his former team, Geno is hurt and doesn't play. He doesn't see him at all. And he still hasn't called him back.