Chapter Text
People have always taken Gaara seriously.
By societally acceptable standards, seriously may be an understatement. As a child, people were scared of him. As Kazekage, people are scared of him still, but they must also respect him. Consequently, while his siblings have grown more comfortable with speaking their minds in his presence, few others have, especially not in Suna.
At first, Gaara didn’t think he cared. He was fine with how people treated him, being an official in a position of power. He didn’t need them to doubt his orders or his sincerity. If a touch of fear incentivized them to do their job, then Gaara was not going to complain about it. Perhaps under his rule, bureaucratic efficiency may become a real thing rather than just a joke.
However, while being Kazekage during wartime was in many ways draining, being Kazekage during peacetime was boring.
It made Gaara think about how others occupied their free time, how socializing was a large part of that, a department in which he lacked. That much he knew, and Gaara was older now, more willing to admit his faults and take necessary steps to rectify them.
So, he consulted a book.
A lot of it, while logical, turned out to be poor in application.
See, Gaara didn’t understand the point of small talk. The attempts he made mostly got him strange side glances, which only served to prove his point. There was no point in falsifying interest in people he didn’t know, so he chose not to. He didn’t care for asking unnecessary follow-ups for the sake of continuing a conversation, nor did he believe letting the conversation end where it may aids much in furthering a relationship. Most of it was professional anyway, and Gaara was beginning to think he perhaps held no interest in getting to know his subordinates—in essence, the entirety of Suna—on a personal level at all.
Especially not when he tried the advice about sharing about himself, which mostly received stunned looks of disbelief and horror, essentially the very definition of a conversation stopper when Gaara doesn’t immediately continue with a ‘just kidding,’ the way others have done to him to various levels of success in the past. It doesn’t take long for Gaara to realize that sharing details about himself to people who didn’t understand his past was a mistake.
Which left the last piece of advice, humour—which undoubtedly had the worst reception of them all, especially when 1) people didn’t seem to understand that he was joking and 2) they were then put on the spot to either laugh at the Kazekage or not laugh at the Kazekage.
So Gaara withdrew back to his siblings, who didn’t have a problem telling him he wasn’t funny. That was enough confirmation for him, and it reaffirmed the truth for Gaara: creating brand new bonds was difficult, and perhaps he should refocus his attention to strengthening existing ones.
The book had advice on that too. Very detailed advice. Advice that Gaara felt he could actually emulate for once.
So he read it over, thought about it, and then he got to work.
Social interactions were difficult because there were expectations baked into them, expectations that Gaara had never been privy to before, expectations that he didn’t much care for now. He had defied convention his entire life, and never had he felt like anything in particular was missing. However, reading about why people sought after what seemed to be the gold standard in social interactions made Gaara curious.
So he tried the method that was both the most practical and best suited for his purposes—writing a letter.
Letters were good in their simplicity. It gave Gaara ample time to put thoughts to paper and then muse about how his words could be perceived, the way it’d be too late to if it was an in-person conversation. It wouldn’t be permanently out of his hands until he sent it, but permanent enough to be examined by others for appropriateness in the exact state it would be read.
Which is why Gaara comes to speak with Temari and Kankuro, explaining that he wants their help proofreading a letter he’s about to send.
“You have people you’ve hired for that exact job, Gaara,” Temari sighs. “Besides, you’re good at writing mission briefs and stuff like that by now, right? You were never the type to mince words.”
Gaara nods. “Correct. However, my understanding is that this particular style of letter correspondence would need more of a personal touch, of which I’m less familiar with.”
“A…personal touch?” Kankuro raises an eyebrow, Gaara’s words evidently having aroused his curiosity as he cuts into the conversation. “What kind of letter are you trying to send there, little bro?”
“A personal one,” Gaara responds just as vaguely. “To a friend that I’d like to become closer to, if he is amenable to it.”
His older siblings share a look. It’s one that Gaara notices occasionally, usually followed by a continued line of tag-team questions that Gaara never manages to predict the trajectory of correctly.
“Who are you writing this to?” Temari asks him, just as Kankuro snatches said letter out of Gaara’s hand. Strange. Maybe they’re out of sync today.
Before Gaara can even open his mouth to answer his sister or protest the action (although there was not much point, he did come here to ask them to read it after all), Temari’s already turned away from him, having migrated towards Kankuro’s side on the couch. In the meantime, the room falls silent. Gaara watches his siblings read his letter, both of them with matching blank expressions.
Fine, he’ll just wait until they’re done to speak again. Perhaps he won’t even need to; they should know the answer to their question already. The first two words on the page are a dead giveaway.
It isn’t a short letter, contrary to the briefing scrolls and contractual seals that often makes its way to Gaara’s office. But it isn’t long either. Despite that, both Temari and Kankuro are taking their time with it, re-reading it from the start after getting to the end, and then again.
Then, they share that look again, before turning their gazes back towards Gaara.
Temari’s expression softens his way, the way it does right before she’s about to tell him something unpleasant. In contrast, Kankuro starts laughing.
She immediately glares at him, hissing something under her breath. Looking unfazed, he throws his hands up in mock surrender, gesturing for her to go first. They were off-balance today, which is likely a bad sign regarding the state of his letter.
“Gaara, your letter doesn’t need more of a personal touch,” she begins to say, “but are you aware of how its contents may be taken?”
The tentativeness of her voice raises Gaara’s internal alert level ever so slightly. He must have said something he didn’t mean to; this is why it’s best to consult his siblings on this.
“Everything I wrote was truthful. It is more…detailed and heartfelt than my usual style, but the book I consulted mentioned that in lieu of a face to face visit, you have to convey your feelings in length, by way of proving your sincerity,” he answers, keeping his tone even.
The remnants of his laugh disappear off Kankuro’s face when Temari groans, pointing one finger towards him in accusation.
“Kankuro, did you—?”
“Oh hey, don’t look at me! Unfortunately, this was not my brilliant plan.” Kankuro whistles coolly. “Although my curiosity has been quite piqued. Ahem, Gaara, did you happen to skip over the part where the book laid out how this is about using letters to uh, romance someone?”
Gaara blinks. “No. I did read that, but I don’t see any problems with using their guidance to write to Lee.”
“So, you…do want to romance Lee?” Temari croaks, her jaw about an inch lower than average.
“It is a very common and desired form of social interaction with someone you care strongly for, is it not?” Gaara questions in return. “And Lee fits the criteria. We are close, we have history, he understands me, and I him. Romantic entanglement is said to only elevate those foundational feelings.”
“Y-yes, I’m aware that you and Lee are good friends,” Temari stammers. She’s clearly trying her best to sound patient, but the lines on her face temporarily betrays her. “But there…there are more mechanics to a romantic relationship than just…understanding each other better. I know we’ve never actually talked about dating in detail, or marriage and kids and all that stuff. Me and Kankuro always figured you weren’t interested, but if…if you are, I just—Gaara, I don’t want you to misunderstand it, or have Lee misunderstand your intentions.”
She sounds awfully distraught over this. That wasn’t Gaara’s intention at all. He should probably clarify himself.
“This is just an exploratory question of interest. I don’t have more intentions than gauging his mutual interest for now, because you’re right that I was never interested in romance before. However, having never tried, and based off the benefits and the drawbacks I’m currently aware of, I believe I’d like to find out,” Gaara replies honestly.
“W-with Bowl Cut?” Kankuro joins in, eyes wide in disbelief and looking mismatched with his makeup. “Gaara, hey, hey, think twice about what you’re saying. Actually, show us that book of yours first, I want to see what exactly you’ve been reading…”
“I think Gaara has thought about this,” Temari quietly admits. “You like Lee, enough to do ask him out. It’s…well, I suppose there is no harm in dating.”
Kankuro sputters, waving his hands in front of Temari’s face like she was missing something critically important. “Uhm, yes, but how about the rest of it? The…god, I’m not giving him the talk, Temari!”
Gaara stares at them both. He may be the youngest, and he may have had a misguided sense of love and affection and how people are supposed to treat each other growing up. But he was working on that now. This was part of that. Much of it fell into the category of Gaara being aware of it, yet deciding he was either unable or uninterested in applying it to himself. The concept of physical intimacy was one of those things.
“That is at the end of what I assume is a long journey,” he says flatly, ignoring the way Kankuro’s face flows from relief to confusion to an impressive impassiveness. “I am only concerned about step one right now. The rest will come later, if it does.”
Gaara thinks back to the book and its guiding questions for determining who to write to. Granted, Gaara did not exhaust the entire universe of people he knew in his analysis, nor does he discount the fact that others he hasn’t yet met may fit these criteria someday. Nevertheless, Lee was the person who came to mind first, and he checked most of the boxes off with ease, a feat in itself.
“So,” Gaara clears his throat and tries again. “Given that, any advice you have about my letter would be welcomed.”
In the end, Gaara doesn’t get any feedback on his letter, none that was meaningful, anyway. The reaction he received wasn’t great, but it appeared to be more about the intention of his letter rather than the content itself, the former of which Gaara had no interest in fixing.
So, without any other recourses available to him for improving said letter, Gaara sends it off.
Gaara is a busy man, that much goes without saying. As Kazekage, he wields a great deal of power and responsibility. He may still be young, but it didn’t take him long to figure out what he most needed to succeed—to compartmentalize, delegate, and take things exactly as seriously as they deserved to be.
So after he sends the letter, Gaara didn’t give more thought on the matter. It was a letter—not too long, not too short, as the book advised—and it had taken him some time to draft it himself, so he assumed it would be some time before he heard back. The fact that weeks go by without a return letter never registers to him as a problem until he’s scheduled for a diplomatic visit to Konoha, nearly two months later, and Kankuro makes a passing joke about it.
“Oh,” says Gaara blankly, catching Kankuro’s drift. “Yes, I did send it.”
Kankuro gapes at him, mouth slightly hanging open.
“Did you change anything before you…wait, when did you…did he…” his eyebrows scrunch up, his brain visibly coursing down varying tangents of thought. From experience, Gaara knows that never ends well.
Kankuro coughs twice and then manages to reset himself, throwing his incomplete sentences out the window. “Uhm, what did he say?”
Gaara straightens his spine and wraps up the scroll he was just working on, setting it aside. “He didn’t. I never received anything back.”
Kankuro’s frown deepens, a sense of nervous energy vibrating in the air.
“And that doesn’t bother you?”
“Should it?”
“Well, usually people get freaked out over that kind of thing, being rejected! Not that I want you to freak out or anything, I mean, he was probably busy, or misunderstood your message, or got lost by the courier!”
Gaara never thought about all those other potential scenarios before, but Kankuro had a point. So, he agrees with him.
“Right,” he says, turning his attention to the next pile of papers that required stamping.
“Right what?” Kankuro questions, still standing in front of his desk.
“Right. Probably one of those things you said.”
“You’re really taking my excuses at face value?”
That had also never occurred to Gaara, the fact that Kankuro could be making excuses in the first place. But his brother also wasn’t Lee, so he wouldn’t know one way or another. Gaara wouldn’t hold that against him. “Should I not?”
“I…Yeah, sure, go for it,” Kankuro sighs loudly, rolling his shoulders back like a huge weight has been lifted off them. “So, are you going to ask him about it when you get to Konoha?”
It was good timing, now that Kankuro mentioned it.
“That’s a good idea. It will be better to talk to him in person. I was advised letter writing helps you gather all your thoughts coherently, but tonally, it is always best delivered by voice,” Gaara muses out loud, nodding twice to himself. “Thank you, Kankuro.”
“Uh, no problem at all. Go get’em I guess, and make sure to tell me all about it afterward,” he cracks a playful smile Gaara’s way. That was more like it.
In Gaara’s opinion, diplomatic trips to Konoha are the least cumbersome by far. It was nearly the closest to Suna by distance and it goes without saying that they’ve enjoyed a good relationship in recent years. It was, in many ways, a self-fulfilling prophecy, as their good relationship meant further deals and meetings, which only perpetuated the number of times Gaara came to Konoha on official business. It was fine though, all part of the job. And whenever he did have the time, he enjoyed the opportunity to spend time with Naruto—and with Lee.
Dealing with Kakashi is different than dealing with Tsunade, neither of which is Gaara’s preferred style if he had to admit it, but both were vastly superior to dealing with the Raikage on a bad day, so Gaara was fine with it at the end of the day. It was just part of the job, even if hashing out the details was, on the best of days, terribly tedious.
Today is one of those days.
The paperwork talk goes on for longer than Gaara expects, especially given it was Kakashi he was dealing with. Kakashi had delegated most of the annoying parts of the deal into the future, as per usual. However, each action item required some detailed discussions ahead of time anyway, which made the whole thing feel almost pointless when nothing actually gets confirmed by the end.
The bright side was that none of the issues were notably urgent, and he did need further advisement before inking the deal—so as annoying as the process was, it was also inescapable. The rest was more earmarked for Temari’s eyes rather than his own, so Gaara jots down some potentially problematic sections for dispute and files it away with the rest of his documents.
“So, half-year?” Kakashi asks breezily, leaning back in his chair. “That enough time?”
Gaara nods firmly. “Plenty. I may schedule something in sooner if it mutually benefits us.”
“Great! Now that we’re off the clock, I know Naruto always complains about you not visiting more often, not to say that should be the main consideration or anything, but you should give him a shout next time.”
“He knows I’m here?”
“Might’ve let it slip,” Kakashi answers, his visible eye glinting with amusement. “I know you enjoy your unannounced visits, but you also know how Naruto gets.”
“…I didn’t realize that bothered him,” Gaara says after a long pause. “I should alert him in advance next time, you mean.”
Kakashi flicks a finger his way. “Bingo. He knows you’re busy, but common courtesy is nice.”
It’s true that Gaara’s never felt the need to be outwardly courteous or formal when it came to his and Naruto’s friendship. The fact that he had put in the effort with Lee was more a testament to Naruto’s insistence and comfort with Gaara than Lee, though Gaara was aware that Lee was more polite than most.
Kakashi was not wrong in that he usually pays Naruto a visit when he’s in town. It never bothered him when timing didn’t line up for them because the life of a shinobi is inherently unpredictable. But perhaps that shouldn’t stop him from, as Kakashi puts it, exercising common courtesy, and figuring out what that might encompass.
It might be a good idea to speak with Naruto on the subject and find out exactly how Naruto had breached that level of comfort with him, and how to maybe get there with Lee.
“I understand,” Gaara answers with a slight bow before excusing himself. “Thank you, we’ll be in touch.”
Inviting Naruto out for dinner was a familiar affair, a simple uninvited knock on the door which had promptly swung open. Naruto was consistently enthusiastic to see him, paired with a beaming smile and a voice a few decibels too high. Regardless, over the years, Gaara had gradually come to classify his own reaction as fondness. He feels the corner of his lip twitch upwards slightly in response.
“Same place?”
Naruto nods with a grin. “You always know me so well, Gaara!”
“It’s hard not to,” Gaara replies automatically, at least when it comes to this. “7’o clock, then.”
“Awh, I’m flattered. See you then!”
That brings Gaara to their usual ramen restaurant, their go-to place whenever Gaara visited Konoha. It was such an established routine at this point that the owner, Aki, had finally gotten over his ‘I’m serving ramen to the Kazekage’ anxiety jitters. These days, he seems even somewhat comfortable in Gaara’s presence.
Gaara isn’t sure how regulars here are usually treated—he’s never been a regular anywhere else—but he supposes it likely goes something like this. Tonight, Aki greets him with a small wave, gesturing him towards the corner table where he and Naruto usually sits.
“Thank you,” Gaara says politely, and takes his seat two minutes early.
Naruto rushes into the restaurant a few minutes later. As if his presence alone isn’t declaration enough, he calls out Gaara’s name clamorously the second they make eye contact. It’s an unnecessary (but nice) gesture, and Gaara nods in his direction in a silent greeting.
“You should’ve told me you were coming by, Gaara,” Naruto starts off saying, accompanied with a frown. “I’m not against the surprise visits, but weaseling information out of Kakashi-sensei by accident was traumatizing. Don’t make me do that again.”
“I come to Konoha fairly regularly. You wouldn’t have missed me for long,” Gaara answers simply.
Naruto chuckles, probably at the unintended double meaning that Gaara only catches onto a few seconds after.
“I know, I know. I appreciate you always making time to say hi though. Like I know your schedule’s packed ‘cause you actually do a lot of your job yourself, unlike—,” he cuts himself off sheepishly and then twists casually around to wave towards Aki’s counter. “Our usuals, please?”
He gives Naruto a thumbs up. “Kazekage-sama, care to try anything new tonight?”
Gaara shakes his head.
“Not today, thank you.”
“Alright, coming right up!”
Naruto grins brightly, then turns his attention back to Gaara. “Oh yeah, what was I saying?”
“That I do my job as Kazekage, unlike—”
“Right! Don’t tell him I said that,” Naruto protests with a lopsided smile.
“Because you’re after his job?” Gaara asks dryly.
“Not just that, but anyway, what brings you in this time?”
A seemingly innocuous question, except coming from Naruto, it comes across as suspicious. “You never want to hear about that, Naruto.”
“Of course not about the boring paperwork stuff!” Naruto exclaims, folding his arms together in annoyance. “I thought there might be another reason for your visit that you could’ve given me a heads up for, you know, as friends.”
Gaara blinks at him.
“Kakashi-san did mention that I should give you notice for my visits going forward as a courtesy. I agree he has a point, so I will try my best going forward to do so. However, I don’t understand what you’re insinuating. This visit was scheduled months in advance by the Kazekage’s office as a convenient date for both parties to discuss diplomatic envoy staffing and—”
Naruto groans, pressing one hand to his temple. “Gaara, not that stuff! Urgh, okay, I’ll cut right to the chase, because I’ve been dying to know ever since Bushy Brows told me.” He leans in, his blues eyes lit up slyly. “What in the world made you write him that letter?”
Oh. Naruto knows about the letter.
Well, that makes things even easier.
“Lee lives in Konoha, and I live in Suna. Given the distance and the circumstances, it was suggested that I convey my feelings through mail,” Gaara replies by way of explanation.
Naruto simply stares at him, silently, which is a rare event even for when he wasn’t eating. Gaara decides to wait for his response, but when more than a minute passes by, he’s certain something is off.
“Naruto?”
Shaking his head rapidly in disbelief, Naruto exhales a few times in rapid succession. “I’m sorry, uhm, you were trying to convey your, your…” he squints, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion. “You could’ve, wait, no—okay, sorry, don’t blame Lee for this, well actually, he did end up showing quite—oh geez, how do I say this?”
Gaara cocks his head.
“By speaking words. More comprehensibly, if that’s possible,” he tells Naruto, and then gives him a small smile in encouragement.
It kind of does the trick. Naruto visibly relaxes, but then he follows that up with a sigh.
“Okay, I’ll just say it then. Uh, I read your letter. So did a lot of us, actually. I mean, he said he was still really stumped and was clearly desperate by the time he got to asking me, which I’m a little offended by—I think I give great love advice!”
“I wasn’t aware of that,” says Gaara flatly.
“Story for next time! Point is, wait—” Realization sweeps across his face, shifting from shock to disbelief to muted awe. “You’re not disputing me. I said love advice. Regarding your letter.”
“Right,” Gaara replies without pause.
Naruto’s eyes boggle, his irises dilating.
“So, it, it was a love letter? No way, I was so sure that Sakura was dead wrong about that, that you were just doing your whole…” he frowns. “Or that it wasn’t meant to be taken that way. But, Gaara, shit, I’m not gonna just take—hey, you have to say it. It was a love letter?”
Gaara shakes his head. “No. I’m not in love with Lee, so I don’t believe that’s what it is.”
“That’s not what—the letter read like you were trying to ask Lee out, in a weird, roundabout, and strangely…romantic way!” Naruto shouts.
“That’s more or less what Temari told me.”
“And?!”
“That doesn’t mean I love him. I know that my understanding of that word has been warped in the past,” says Gaara, his tone lower than usual from the faintly resurfacing memories. “Lee and I are good friends. I wrote the letter to see if he would be interested in improving upon that friendship.”
Naruto’s jaw drops. “We’re good friends too. Would you write that kind of letter to me? Okay, that’s not really what I meant by giving me notice next time you’re in town, Gaara.”
“I like our friendship the way it is, Naruto. I wouldn’t have written you such a letter.”
“That’s a little hurtful…I think? Now I’m not even sure if I’m reading this whole thing right,” Naruto groans, bringing both hands to his head and shaking it back and forth as if he’d be able to shake out some sort of meaning. “I’m so freaking lost. You want to be better friends with Lee? Is that what that was all about?”
Gaara nods. “He fits much of the criteria the book talked about, but it was recommended to ease into those topics as we go along if our interests align.”
“Our…interests?” Naruto gapes. “Uhm, what…what kind of interests would you be talking about there, Gaara? I mean, don’t get me wrong, Lee’s a great guy! And so are you! But I’m…I’m, are you sure? You’ve never cared about romance for as long as I’ve known you! And I’ve talked your ear off a lot on the topic before.”
“That’s true. I have no experience on the subject, but neither does Lee. I’m under the impression that would help, starting from scratch with no expectations. My understanding of romance is lackluster at best,” Gaara admits.
Naruto stares at him again, wordlessly, long enough that two bowls of ramen are quietly placed in front of each of them and Naruto doesn’t even move to grab his chopsticks.
“You’re really serious here, huh?” he questions rhetorically at last.
“People always take me seriously,” says Gaara in response. “It is strange, not being taken seriously for once.”
That gets a laugh out of Naruto, who finally reaches for his chopsticks.
“I suppose I gotta say congratulations on, well, confusing the lot of us, but also being brave enough to do this in the first place,” Naruto grins. “It’s kind of a big deal, usually, so I hope it works out for you, man! Oh, and tell Bushy Brows I was wrong when you go talk to him. You are going to, right?”
Gaara nods stiffly.
“Yes. I wanted to ask him about his response, since I didn’t receive one back by letter.”
“Because he spent most of the past few weeks freaking out over what the hell to say back!” Naruto shouts, whistling under his breath. “I’m sure the in-person explanation would help him out quite a bit, actually.”
“It helped you,” Gaara states.
“It definitely clarified things, so it’d probably help Lee too when you two hash things out, though that’s between you and—nah, wait, I kind of want to hear about it afterward. Could you tell me, Gaara? Lee doesn’t really seem like the type to kiss and tell.”
Gaara blinks a few times at the unfamiliar expression. “Tell you what, exactly?”
“How things go! You know, how Lee takes it, that kind of deal. I’ll tell you to stop if you get too graphic with the details,” Naruto says cheerily, making a face.
“Sure,” Gaara agrees. That sounds perfectly reasonable, to share life details with a friend.
Naruto’s expression brightens, even more so when he stares down at his steaming bowl of ramen. He claps his hands.
“Awesome! Then, finally, itadakimasu!”
Gaara mimics Naruto’s actions, bowing, his palms pressed together.
“Itadakimasu.”
The rest of the evening with Naruto goes swimmingly. Gaara’s bowl of ramen tastes as good as he remembers, and the topic of Lee gets brushed aside—for the most part. Naruto keeps the conversation chugging along effortlessly. It’s a little illogical how he always manages to have a new exciting (and oftentimes dangerous or unbelievable) story to tell. It isn’t always objectively exciting, but Naruto makes it seem like it is. It reminds Gaara that despite the easygoing way that Naruto approaches life, he was also very much a capable shinobi.
It also makes Gaara miss the field a little, if for nothing else than getting a change of pace from the mundanity office. However, he does understand why that is not something he should hope for, because missions that do need him were not something he wished upon Suna, even on the rarest of occasions.
Naruto raises an eyebrow in confusion when Gaara follows him in the same direction leaving the restaurant.
“I thought your usual hotel was the other way?”
Gaara nods in agreement. “Yes, but Lee’s place is this way.”
Naruto snickers, smirking toothily.
“It’s so late, you’re really going to go do this now? He’s totally going to get the wrong idea!”
“…Which is?”
“Or…not! Forget I said anything.”
“Is it late at night for Lee? I often forget people do not sleep as little as I do,” Gaara follows up.
It was already dark out, but it was by no means a late night for him. Then again, the whole point of this may be the fact that his standards were not commonplace, and perhaps he was being disrespectful in his assumptions.
Naruto shakes his head vehemently.
“Not at all! Probably the opposite, you probably share that in common with Bushy Brows. He mostly functions off sheer force of will, you know? I doubt he’s an early sleeper, though he still manages to be an early bird still somehow…”
“That’s good to know. Thank you.”
A few minutes later, they arrive beneath Lee’s apartment. Gaara stares blankly at Naruto when he doesn’t immediately part ways, and by way of response, Naruto holds out his hand for a fist bump. The situation seems to be inappropriate compared to all the previous times he’s done this, but Naruto’s expectant look gets Gaara to return the gesture anyway, gently knocking their knuckles together. He then skips away from Gaara with a giant grin, mouthing the words ‘tell me tomorrow’ as he disappears out of sight.
Gaara isn’t sure if he will have anything of substance to tell Naruto tomorrow, which is what the other man seems to be expecting, but that’s fine. Somehow he gets the sense his definition of substantial may differ from Naruto’s own too.
Quietly, Gaara walks up the stairs and stops in front of Lee’s apartment door. It’s silent out, save for the occasional whistle of the wind, so he gives a double tap on the door with the back of his hand without much force.
A heartbeat of silence passes, and then Gaara hears a shuffle from the other side of the door, so brief that he almost thinks he imagined it when the door swings open. Lee stands on the other side, and his expression is unrecognizable for the fraction of a second before it flickers to life. His hair is a little in disarray, and he’s breathing harder than usual, because it’s a rare occasion to see Lee truly out of breath.
“Is this a bad time?”
“Oh. No! Uh, not at all, Kazekage-sama.” he sputters.
Gaara simply shoots him a look. They go through this every time. He needs little more than a firm stare Lee’s way to remind him of their familiarity now, but it still apparently bared repeating, given they saw each other two or three times a year at best.
“Sorry, Gaara-san, Gaara, uhm, I was not expecting you,” Lee continues, shooting him a lopsided—and if he wasn’t reading this incorrectly, nervous-looking—smile.
“If you are busy—” Gaara begins to say.
Lee shakes his head wildly.
“Not at all! I am all free! Comparatively to your schedule, I have all the time in the world! I apologize for not inviting you in first, Gaara, do come in.”
He takes two steps to the left, holding the door open for Gaara.
“Thank you, Lee.”
“Of course!” he exclaims, closing the door behind Gaara with a click. “I am sorry about the mess, I did not get a chance to clean things up lately, but make yourself comfortable as always.”
“I don’t see a mess,” Gaara says frankly, because he doesn’t.
Lee’s place has always been rather immaculate, at least the few times he’s been here. Yes, there’s some dust gathered on bookshelves and scattered notebooks on desks. Everything is not perfectly perpendicular nor lined up corner to wall, but that’s a design flaw that doesn’t seem to be on Lee’s list of things to change about his residence.
Besides, Gaara’s seen much worse; his office on a bad day, in fact, is much worse.
“Is here okay?” he asks, pointing to his usual chair by the couch.
“Yeah, yeah,” Lee answers loudly, dashing over to take a seat diagonal from him on the sofa. “Is there an emergency? I just want to be mindful of time if there’s an urgent issue that requires the beautiful green beast of Konoha’s immediate assistance—”
Gaara holds his hand up and Lee stops mid-sentence, mouth hanging open. It wasn’t intended to be such a straightforward command, so Gaara quickly withdraws it and watches Lee’s jaw somewhat loosen.
“Nothing of the sort. I went to see Naruto earlier tonight, and thought it would be best if I talked to you afterward in person,” he replies.
“O-oh,” Lee says, his eyes downcast for a second. “I mean, that’s great. I am truly relieved that there is no immediate danger to anyone! Is everything with Naruto okay?”
Gaara nods.
“He’s fine. He was the one who told me you were distraught over my letter. I came here to ask you why that is,” he says, and then seeing Lee’s face visibly pale at the words, Gaara clears his throat. It feels awkward; he didn’t expect to feel that way. “And explain my intentions, as I was told that might be in order.”
“O-oh,” Lee repeats, sinking deeper into his seat cushion, and then proceeding to readjust himself several times as if his own couch was suddenly uncomfortable.
That’s odd, Gaara notes, since Lee’s always been a big proponent for perfect posture. Yet right now, he appears to be incredibly jitterish.
That doesn’t cause either of them to continue talking, however. Lee is purposefully avoiding his gaze and it makes Gaara wonder if he should wait for Lee to get comfortable again. But after nearly two minutes pass by, Gaara decides that perhaps he needs to take the first step in diffusing the strange energy between them, one he was not used to.
“Is it okay if I start—”
“I am sorry!” Lee cries out all of a sudden, giving in and bowing down with his head in his hands. “I really meant to answer your heartfelt letter! I—I really wanted to, but I could not find the right words to express my emotions! And then I talked to Sakura-san, and she asked me what exactly I was trying to convey because, in her words, none of my drafts were very coherent. One thing led to another and I ended up showing her the letter! I deeply apologize for exposing your private thoughts to others!”
“Oh,” Gaara says mutely after a while.
He should feel upset over this, it seems, but Gaara didn’t feel that way. It was privately addressed to Lee, but the letter said nothing that he would be afraid to say to Haruno Sakura. It just wasn’t something he would have initiated telling her without a good reason, given they were not close and would likely never venture onto the topic.
“That’s why you asked Naruto for advice.”
“I normally trust Sakura-san’s advice a great deal!” Lee exclaims, looking up at last, his wide eyes slightly shaky when they finally meet Gaara’s. “But in this case, she said…she said that you seemed to be…interested in me, uhm, romantically. And I…I needed a second opinion, and a third, and maybe sixteen—because I really do value our friendship, and I would hate to misread any kind intentions you had towards me!”
Sixteen. His siblings have gotten it on the first read, but evidently, Lee needed sixteen people to convince him of the fact, and even that did not work out the way Gaara intended.
“You didn’t misread anything,” Gaara begins to say, and Lee freezes still in his seat. “I may have worded things unsatisfactorily, which I will improve upon next time, but Haruno-san is right.”
Lee blinks dumbly at him, jaw slack and baffled. “You mean to say, all that…Gaara, you want to get to know me better…romantically?”
The corner of Gaara’s mouth lifts a little in amusement.
“I believe it is called dating, in modern terms.”
“R-right! I know that!” Lee blurts out, and then groans, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion. “Do you know what d-dating entails? I know last we spoke, you were working on widening your social repertoire, which I encouraged and offered my assistance with! But if that’s why, I would hate to mislead you regarding what that normally means,” his voice trailing off at the end.
“I know the generics,” Gaara answers simply. “I do not have any practical experience, which is why I sought you out.”
“So…you know it is usually between a man and a woman?” Lee asks quietly.
“Usually, but not mandatory. As are most dating courtship rituals, minus the intention to be in a romantic relationship together.”
“R-right. But, there are certain societal expectations, especially for someone of your stature as Kazekage, and to…to even think of dating a foreigner, much less a male shinobi, I…” Lee grimaces, squeezing his eyes shut for a moment.
“Are you not interested?” Gaara questions, cutting to the point. “It is okay if you are not. You do not need to feel pressured because of my position.”
Lee’s head jerks up as if he’s greatly disrespected Gaara already. “N-no! I mean, y-yes, no? I…I never know how to answer those indirect questions,” he murmurs awkwardly. “I mean to say, I don’t know if I can be. Your letter said such kind things about me, how…how I was the only person you knew right now who you’d want to do this with, which I am extremely flattered by.”
Lee blushes, a light tint of pink sweeping across his cheeks. Gaara doesn’t think he’s ever seen that on Lee’s face before. He’s flustered…by the truth of all things.
“I treasure our companionship very much, but I also have no practical experience. I don’t know if this is a good idea,” Lee finishes speaking, fiddling with his bandaged hands in his lap.
“I know. The book said that may be easier, actually.”
“W-what?”
“If we both have no experience. We can define things how we would like if that is your concern.”
“N-no, I mean, that sounds great!” Lee does sound more relieved at the sound of that. “I meant to ask about the book.”
“Yes, it helped me with the letter, although it didn’t garner the response I was looking for, or a response at all, for that matter.” Lee’s face turns red. “So perhaps I should rely less on it going forward.”
“I really did not mean to leave you hanging,” Lee hangs his head down. “Perhaps it was simply me overthinking things, because the alternative…well, again, I am incredibly flattered. But I did not want to misconstrue your feelings, whatever they may be.”
Gaara waits until Lee lifts his head, and then he speaks.
“You aren’t. I like you, Lee. Your presence is refreshing, you complement me, and sometimes you lead me to expand my horizons in ways I don’t dislike. You’re strong, and kind, and you mean a great deal to me. All things considered, my life would be much worse off without you. I would—and have fought for you, without holding back. I am incredibly flattered myself that you would consider my feelings something worth misconstruing.”
Lee gapes at him, face flushed and his mouth opening and shutting a few times before he finally forms audible words.
“I-Is that also from the book, Gaara?”
“Partially. It listed some common qualities people sought in a partner and I agreed with many of them when it came to you,” Gaara says. “That’s why I sent you the letter.”
Lee gulps, bringing a hand to cover his face. A small smile forms underneath, despite his obvious reservations.
“Right. I get it now. I…I feel similarly about you, Gaara, although I have never imagined us…like this, uhm, dating,” he murmurs.
Gaara wants to ask him why. He thinks he knows the answer, what might have stopped Lee from venturing here before, what might have changed between then and now.
But instead, he asks this. It’s all that matters, all he needs to know now.
“Would you like to try?”
Lee’s face softens, breaking out into a smile.
“I would like that.”