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‘And let the will of fire consume you’
“Katon Futten No Jutsu”
The moment the hand seals were completed a spew of blood came out of his eyes, ears, nose and mouth. A pool of blood surrounded the already red Mangekyo sharingan, and chakra the colour of lilacs burned the area surrounding the man.
“Sarada, listen very carefully” He said
“In 10 minutes, i need you to kill me”
He paused as if something caught in his throat.
“This is important, take my eyes when you do and use them”
A slew of memories flashed through his mind. ‘oh my life is flashing before my very eyes, wow’. A flash of yellow, then black then pink, oh what he would do to see that pink again; but he had to go, now less all this goes to waste.
“Understood?” the voice barely came out this time, instead he felt the worst pain he’d ever experienced.
“Yes,” Sarada replied.
He didn't have any more words to spare, instead lunging at the otsutsuki. It was a good way to go; saving the village he once tried so desperately to destroy, with his own life in exchange. This Technique, one he invented by himself after that fight which lost the world both the rinnegan and the nine-tails, or Kurama, was akin to the trick Naruto had pulled against Isshiki. What was it called? Ah right, Bayron mode.
Sasuke’s suicide jutsu could be performed by exactly three people left alive in this world, all residing in Konohagakure. For the jutsu to work it was essential for the person performing it to have an exceedingly powerful fire nature as well as chakra control, see, this jutsu essentially causes your blood and chakra to boil. To prevent yourself from dying too early, amazing chakra control was required to consciously line every vein and vessel in the body with chakra lest the blood melt you from the inside out.
Even Sasuke had trouble with the control, so much so that he needed to train on a daily basis with Sakura, even then he had to employ the technique used by naruto to learn the sage mode. Now this was by no means because of his poor chakra control, in fact his control is rivalled by only one person, Sakura. The pure fact that even Sasuke of the sharingan had taken months of training every hour of every day just to be able to fathom surviving the jutsu was a testament to how difficult it was.
The otsutsuki was silent, her eyes widened in disbelief.
“Another jinchuriki?” she muttered under her breath.
Unbeknownst to her the person she was so afraid of was literally on the verge of death.
The fight was devastating, it took place on the border between Suna and Konoha. The people had been evacuated just an hour earlier, courtesy of the Kazekage.
Where was Sakura now? Tending to the hospital? No, word spread fast; Sakura was on her way here. He had to finish this before she showed up and got herself killed, after all he couldn't fathom leaving Sarada all alone. He had been through the trials of revenge with nothing but hatred fueling his life; he would never have Sarada go through what he did.
He was losing his sight. The vessels in his eye were straining.
.
.
.
.
.
This was a good way to go, surrounded by family, protecting the village.
“Forgive me Sarada” he tapped the middle of her forehead with two fingers.
He knew it was selfish, that it was stupid, that Sakura would be angry at him. That’s alright, he would play the bad guy if it meant Sarada had a chance to grow stronger, to protect herself. There would be more otsutsuki, it was his duty to make sure she at least had the resources to be safe. After all, his death was certain.
“You know what to do don’t you?” She was just a blur of black and red now.
“Don’t be angry, don’t feel guilty, don’t seek revenge” his voice was barely there now
He could feel warm wet tears falling on his cheek. She was crying? Of course she was, that was a stupid thought. He couldn't hear her wails nor could he see her eyes well up. He must look like shit right now, covered in blood and dirt. The last uchi… no he wasn't anymore, Sarada and Sakura would be. In that moment a sudden wave of despair and joy flowed through him.
He had a family again, and he was going to lose them…again. For the first time since Itachi died, Sasuke cried. He finally had people to come home to, to love him, to… be there for him and it was all going to be ripped away from his grasp. He was being selfish, he knew that. He should be crying for Sarada who would lose a father, for Sakura who finally got her happily ever after only for it to be shattered, for Naruto who persevered endlessly to bring him back to the village, finally succeeding in the end.
He knew that. So why was he crying for his own loss? What was he feeling? His heart was so heavy with guilt? Despair? Anger? Regret? It didn't matter. He understood now, in the throes of death he finally understood. He was grieving for everyone, right then and now. He felt Sakura’s boiling rage and despair, Naruto’s depression, Sarada’s loss, Kakashi’s hopelessness, hell even Boruto’s determination. However most importantly, he felt from the depths of his heart an indescribable anguish and a deep sadness for himself.
There was something else though, he realised as he dug deeper, humiliation. For all Itachi had sacrificed. Why now? After all these years why was he thinking about it now? He had gotten over it in Kabuto’s cave learning of Itachi’s boundless love toward him. He knew why, it was because he was finally aware of just what Itachi went through he genuinely understood.
He felt the overwhelming love for his family, for the village, for the world. He finally knew, truly why Itachi had done everything genius and stupid. That was why he felt so devastatingly humiliated and filled with… regret. He had killed his only brother, the person who loved him as he loved Sarada. Of course logically he knew that he was manipulated into doing that and at that point his brother had practically committed suicide. Yet he felt it, the deepest burn of regret and shame, after all these years he realised he never truly recovered.
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Shinobi endure. That's what had been drilled into every shinobi since birth; more so with Sasuke considering his past status in the revered clan. As a shinobi they were expected to handle pain, the pain of getting cut, of having limbs be blown off, of having to kill; and most importantly of having to watch comrades, friends and family be slaughtered in front of them and being expected to be back to duty by the time the funeral is over. As children were sent into war and made into weapons for their villages’ wars, it was no surprise that there were many powerful missing nin. Tales of how they had gone berserk after having been ostracised, ridiculed and openly hated.
Uzumaki Naruto, he was a true shinobi in that sense, the boy endured more than most people, even shinobi. He had to go through so much at such a young and tender age. He was forced to grow up, abandoned by the village he was sworn to protect, ‘protecting’ him in return. The boy who was despised by the village for the sins of the bijuu inside of him; even his parents' sacrifice for the village having been long forgotten. Love of their fourth Hokage having turned into bitter sour hatred for his beloved son, it was stupid and oh so hateful, what a joke Konohagakure was. A boy who should have been revered as the hero of the leaf since birth, instead being shunned and called Monster by the very people he had saved.
Uchiha Sasuke was another shunned by Konohagakure, the infamous village. The uchiha felt love deeper than any other clan, yet they were seen as evil. Why? As if cursed, prominent Uchiha’s often had their heart torn out, crushed and burned to ashes; their love runs deep such that when they lose the person of that love they feel anger and despair deeper than any other clan as well. Because of this one could say that those of the sharingan are products of their environments and seeing as they are a shinobi clan, it was almost given that they would turn to hatred.
There was perhaps only one who truly understood Sasuke, his brother; the very person who slowly and painfully dismantled everything and anything he held dear. Starting with the massacre of everyone Sasuke had ever known in the clan, the people who he grew up with, people who treated his fever, people who gave him candy to cheer him up after a bad day at school. And ending with the bitter betrayal of his brother, The first person Sasuke had ever been friends with, the person whom he thought had truly and wholly loved him. It was devastating, he had lost his heart that day he had lost his will he had lost the ability to love.
The child couldn’t understand. Why was his life so filled with hate and so lacking in love, why did his goal seem so far away. For the Uzumaki, his will burned brighter, to prove everyone wrong, to gain the love and respect of the village, to finally have a family.
The Uchiha thought differently. His pure hope and love had been shattered, his will barely aflame only surviving to avenge his lost clan. What was the use of proving yourself for the village if the only family you had ever had was ripped away from your tightly clenched hands. The nights he spent staring at the ceiling drowned in despair, just hoping for a sound. For the silent footsteps of his parents making their way downstairs way too early, he listened for the clicking of the stove, he tried to smell the eggs that would no doubt be cooking and waiting for him downstairs. He listened to the deep grumbling of his father who never paid him attention, to the soft laughter of his mother in response to her husband’s pettiness. Most importantly he listened for the sound of multiple shuriken hitting their targets perfectly and simultaneously.
He waited, and waited and waited. He would’ve waited his whole life if he could. For anything, for the sounds of the morning market and the annoying chatter of children at the playground. Just anything, even the disapproving glances from his father he hated so, just please anything. The peaceful quiet mornings he onced enjoyed were now just a stark reminder of how the rest of his life would be. He needed it, he needed the small signs of life, warm discarded coffee, pieces of bread floating in the koi pond, the wet soil of freshly watered plants, half eaten fresh dango; please? For the first time in his life Sasuke realised he really was just a child, he couldn’t do this, he was truly and completely alone.
They endured as shinobi do. However for one, who had once been filled with an undying love, surrounded by family ,albeit not perfect, there was a hole in his heart. What love could compare to the one he once shared with his brother and mother? There wasn't one. To keep the withering flame going he could only feed it hatred and a desire for revenge, after all where was he to get love? From the village? HA! What a joke, love, love from the very village that had driven his brother mad, that had blamed his clan for the nine tails. The village that took all the bodies but those of Mikoto and Fugaku Uchiha and burned them to be placed in unmarked graves, the very same that had allowed the child to see his blood streaked floors after forgetting to clean that specific house. The one that had placed the distraught and traumatised 7 year old in a spare building and forgot about him. What love?
Perhaps he wasn’t a proper shinobi for not being able to endure any longer, perhaps that was the reason he had to endure years of loneliness and dullness, not being able to feel anything but anger until he found out the truth of itachi. But who could’ve blamed the child? Certainly not the village, not the teachers who didn't put a stop to the clearly unstable child, not the doctors who ignored obvious signs of trauma and ptsd.
If Sasuke had to say there were only three periods of time he had ever felt remotely happy in his life, the first being before the massacre the second, the time he spent in team 7 as a genin and lastly the time after Naruto had brought him back, effectively ceasing his journey for endless revenge and hatred. It was funny, wasn't it? He who had been chasing power all his life finally achieved it in exchange for his bonds, for his emotions and for the majority of his life. Meanwhile, the idiot who had wanted to be hokage had managed to gain more power then him through what? The power of love and friendship? He would have laughed if he wasn't dying. He would have been furious if he was who he was as a teenager. It was ridiculous, but it worked. Sasuke supposed if he could do something over, it would be to live with the philosophy Naruto had lived with. All the endless bloodshed and sacrifice all the pain and sadness, all the torture and humiliation, all to end up below Naruto.
He wasn't angry about being weaker, not now at least. He was angry at his stupidity, at his loss. He was so… so… something, there wasn't any word to describe the emotion he felt like… shit. That was the word. He felt like shit.
Shinobi endure until they can endure no more, after which they either die, in Naruto’s case get a pep talk and bounce back or in Sasuke’s completely break (until Naruto at least). It was a bleak fate, one he would prevent for Sarada at all costs. He worked for this peace so that she didn't have to endure so much as he did, so that she wouldn't break as he did. Sarada was stronger than him, like her mother, she wouldn't succumb to the curse of hatred, not if Sakura or him had a say in it. He would sooner relive his life a thousand times then see her become like him, consumed by the flames of revenge; burned and scalded by the flames that had once been his clan’s specialty.
Oh. He suddenly felt a wave of contempt for Itachi, Sasuke had loved his brother and still does, the opposite is true as well. But how could Itachi have done such a thing to him? Itachi had actively played a part in helping him succumb to the curse, even pushing him further into it. Was that love? Yes, he realised, it was the terribly misguided love of a 13 year old who had known no real love in his life other than for his brother; his own father having seen him as merely a tool to manipulate. Love, a disgusting distorted view of it, not by any means Itachi’s fault.
‘From this point on remember, I will always love you, no matter what you do’ That was love, albeit blind love. In the end it did convince Sasuke to not destroy the village.
He wouldn't put Sarada through that.
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He felt something, that was weird. Not emotionally but physically, he thought he had long since burned his nerve endings. It felt cool against his raw and charred skin, it felt comforting, like everything was going to be alright. It felt like love. He started crying again. Why, you ask? After so long lost reminiscing of loneliness and hatred he had forgotten what love had felt like again. This was it, he would give anything to feel like this for just 5 more minutes,
is love.
“Sakura?” his voice came out as a croak rather then his normal smooth one
She didn't respond, or he couldn't hear her.
“Stop it” they were wasting time.
“Heal my eyes and ears” he wanted to see their faces, he wanted to hear their voices. He wanted to see the vibrant pink that chased after him, the green that sparkled when they finally defeated kaguya.
“One last time” please, the word went unsaid. Always so stubborn, more tears dropped and a small sad laugh made its way out of her lips.
He felt the hundred sealing seals spread across his body starting from his chest and focusing on his eyes and ears. His hearing came back first, it was enlightening, despite the monumental event that just occurred, the birds and crickets had the audacity to chirp happily. His eyesight came back soon after, the sun blinding him, despite what some might think, he really did enjoy the warm sun just not now seeing as he had been warmed sufficiently enough by Futten. Sasuke’s eyes focused then, on the faces of Sarada and Sakura.
Their eyes were red and puffy, Sakura was sweating (probably from over exerting her seal, trying to heal a dead man) Sarada had a three tomoe sharingan now.
“Papa!” Sarada had seen Sasuke’s eyes refocusing.
He reached up to cup Sakura’s face with his arm while looking at Sarada. He would never get to see her make Jonin, never see her become hokage, never… It's no use thinking that now, he didn't have time.
“Forgive me Sarada, but remember what you need to do. I love you” he showed a pathetic attempt at a comforting smile seeing as how his face was bloody and bruised. He was pleased that his voice had somewhat healed through the seal.
He turned to Sakura and his heart skipped a beat. She was so beautiful, if he had not physically trained his blush away he would have been as red as a tomato right now. Her hair was falling over her face messily, her eyes bright and knowing, she was… stunning. He couldn't believe he was so blinded by hatred that he ignored his feelings for her until after the war. He felt the soft hair tickle his fingers, a breeze blew by blowing the scent of her cherry blossom shampoo towards him. Time seemed to have stopped, he could stay like this forever.
“Sakura, I love you, You’re… so… beautiful, I'm sorry”, he paused and he felt something blocking his throat. She was so amazing and he couldn’t stay with her.
“It’s my parting gift to her, take care of her” She knew what he was talking about, she knew the damage it would have on Sarada, she knew. She also knew it was necessary, that this chance could not be squandered.
“Sasuke-kun, I can't do this without you, I…I waited so long, don't leave me.. You Selfish Bastard!”
The world was silent for a second.
Then it was shattered by Sasuke’s undeniable laughter filled with joy and amusement. She still had her temper, even now.
“Sakura, I love you so much, you know that? I’m sorry i got lost finding my way to you”
“Lucky for you that Urusatonkachi brought me to you again.”
“Speaking of which, take care of him too okay?” He used his hand to sweep back her hair and pull her closer.
Soon his mouth was sealed over by soft lips, chapstick that tasted of strawberries and a distinct taste of bubblegum in her mouth. The sweetness didn't last, instead being replaced with salty tears, he pulled away and wiped away her tears.
“Idiot, you need more taking care of then him, besides he has Hinata now”
“I really really love you Sasuke-kun” She whispered almost inaudibly.
‘Let the will of fire consume you. Let it burn through your veins, for you will be stronger when you have something to protect’