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"So how are we going to do this, then? Just kind of go through everything, check it out?"
"Why not? Bobby left this box here for the three of us to look through together. We may as well do so. Thad, can you put it down on the coffee table?"
"Cel, are you sure you want to do this?"
"Yes, Jamie. I'm very sure. Don't you want to see what all Mom thought was important enough to stash in a box for us? Go on, open it, little brother."
"Which little brother? And you know, considering you're such a shrimp, you shouldn't be calling anyone little, Sis."
"Hey, remember that old saying. Size really doesn't matter. I might be a whole foot shorter than you, but I can still take you down!"
"I'd watch my back if I were you, James, my man."
"Oh be quiet and open it, will you?"
"Ugh, this thing is taped too well. Stupid Bobby. Always did have a fixation with the stuff…."
"Yeah, remember the time he taped you to the chair, Thad?"
"Shut it, Jamie."
"But that has to be one of my absolute favorite memories! I could understand playing cops and robbers with him, but you were so brave, letting him tape both your hands and feet. And then we sort of got distracted playing hide and seek and forgot you were still in the kitchen…."
"Okay Sis, don't laugh too hard. We don't want you popping out that kid too early now."
"Look, can we just get back to the box?"
"What's the matter, Thad. You're blushing. Look at him, Cel. Isn't that the cutest thing? Thad with pink cheeks. Aww, you're so adorable."
"Cut the baby talk, Jamie. Come on, let's do the box. In fact, you know what? Never mind. I'll just get a knife and open it myself."
"Yeah, be careful there. That's a big honking knife, buddy. Don't want you to cut yourself or anything, as accident prone as you are…."
"Okay Jamie, quit picking on him already."
"But Sis, he always picks on me!"
"Jamie, just open the damn box, will you?"
"Fine, fine. Bossy. Being a mother does that to you, doesn't it? Fine. Give me the knife. Um, handle side would be preferable, big brother."
"Having issues sawing through the tape there, James?"
"You do it then. I hate this kind, with the string inside of the tape. I mean, I know it keeps it strong, but jeez. Maybe we need to sharpen the knife."
"Useless. Completely useless. This is why you aren't an outdoorsman, and I am."
"Whatever. Show off."
"What was that?"
"Nothing. Whoa, check this out! I can't believe what a packrat Mom was. She kept everything!"
"I can't see. Bring it closer."
"Ah, come here, Sis. Let me help you scoot forward."
"Thanks."
"Beep. Beep."
"Thad, that joke is so old it's molding. Besides, you're supposed to make the sound when I'm backing up, not moving forward."
"Hey, some of the new cars these days have sensor alerts for the front and the back. I'm just keeping with the times, Sis."
"Ow! Why do you always have to whack me?"
"Because you deserve it. And Jamie, I'd close my trap if I were you otherwise there's a matching one coming your way."
"Fine, fine. Back to the box. Here. See how nice I'm being, bringing it over so you can see inside?"
"Oh yes, you're the epitome of gentlemanly right now. And Thad, I saw you roll your eyes. Just stop with the one-upping for a little bit, could you?"
"Okay. Sorry, Sis. So what's in there?"
"You know, she might've kept all kinds of stuff, but she didn't exactly organize it all very well. I mean look at this stuff. Report cards, pictures, diaries, Christmas cards ... it's like she just threw things into this box or something."
"Maybe so, Cel, but you have to admit, it's pretty cool. I mean, check this fan, for instance. I remember giving her this for Mother's Day one year."
"Thad , knock it off. That thing's covered in dust and you're flapping it into my eyes."
"Jeez, you're so fussy today. What, are your hormones that out of whack?"
"I can't believe you even dare to talk to a pregnant woman like that, and after you and Lana have had three kids together, too."
"Four, brother dear, can't you count? I here I thought you were the math whiz in the family. Aw, come on Cel! Thank you for catching her hand, Jamie. I'm already developing bruises from the last time she hit me."
"You're just lucky I can't move any faster right now, Thad."
"Yes he is. But you know, brother dear, you weren't there when Rach was born so that doesn't count."
"Cel, tell him Rach still counts."
"Listen to him, Jamie. He's whining just like he used to when things didn't go his way when we were kids."
"Bad habits die hard."
"It's old habits, James. Old habits."
"Whatever. Old, bad, annoying ... hey, those all could be adjectives for you."
"Ha. I'm laughing. Can't you tell?"
"Oh come on you two. Shut up; I want to look in this journal of Mom's here, okay?"
"Yep, knock yourself out. Look, you adopted Rachel, Thad. Therefore you weren't there for her birth."
"Yeah, well I was there for Mikey's birth, so I can still count four under my belt. Take that!"
"Mikey's my kid. And you were there for the labor, not the birth. I was in the delivery room with my wife, thank you very much. And if you hadn't scared her into labor in the first place, I would've been home for that, too!"
"Honestly, if you two don't shut your traps, I'm going to smash your heads together like Dad did a couple of times when you wouldn't stop fighting."
"Ah, the good old days."
"Sorry, Cel -- I don't feel like living with a headache. You're the boss lady."
"She's also the old lady and the fat lady who can't get off the sofa without help. The lady with.... Ow! What'd you go and hit me for this time?"
"Because you deserved it. You should know better than to call a woman fat. Especially a hormonal pregnant woman with a month left to go, you big oaf. Now, do you guys want me to read from this thing to you or what?"
"Oooh. Remember this? Butterfly in the sky, I can go twice as high. Take a look, it's in a book - Reading Rainbow."
"Oh man, I loved that show."
"Me too. And then they messed with my brain because Geordi LaForge was reading to us."
"I can go anywhere! Friends to know and ways to grow - Reading Rainbow."
"It was always Geordi, you dingbat. He was just visor-less when we first started watching. You can stop singing, too, Jamie. We already know you have a beautiful voice."
"I can be anything! Take a look, it's in a book - Reading Rainbow. Reading Rainbow, Reading Rainbow, Reading Rainbow, Reading Rainbow!"
"You are such a dork. Man, that song was so gay."
"What? You're just jealous I can remember all the words."
"Yeah, that's what I'm jealous about."
"I could sing the Sesame Street song instead. Sunny days, sweeping the clouds away...."
"Jamie, seriously, we get the picture."
"Just be happy he hasn't moved on to his Barney routine next."
"Sing anything from the purple dinosaur and die. I'm warning you."
"Yeah, and you don't want to hack off a pregnant lady."
"You were the one calling her fat and old a little while ago! At least I wasn't being insulting. Just merely annoying."
"Will you two shut up? Okay, listen to this. It's an excerpt from the journal."
"April 11, 1995
The local movie theater has decided to try and woo crowds in during the week now. Instead of doing the promos they had last summer where kids under the age of ten got in free, they're now doing a dollar night on Thursdays. I think we're going to be taking advantage of this from time to time. It'll be fun for the kids and a nice outing, even if it would be cheaper and a lot less of a hassle if we were to rent videos instead. Sometimes it's just nice to go somewhere else for a change of scenery."
"Man, those were the days. Remember when we used to go every Thursday night with the McCormacks, the Gardeners, the Markhams...."
"Yeah, and you and Chels would dress up for the boys."
"Shut up, Thad."
"Well you did. All that makeup junk, too. How many times did Mom tell you that blue eye shadow and red lips weren't sexy?"
"I was twelve! And I only did it so Chelsea wasn't lonely. You know I hate wearing makeup, even now."
"So if Chels had suggested you go jump off a cliff with her, you would've just because you didn't want her to be lonely?"
"Jamie, I can't reach him now that he's moved to the other chair. I give you my full permission to smack him."
"Oooh, it'd be my pleasure, Sis. Thanks!"
"Smack me and die."
"Enough, Thad. Come on, can't we hold a normal conversation, just once?"
"I thought this was normal."
"Jamie, not you too!"
"Honestly, you being a mother of four really makes you a spoil sport. And it's going to be five, which is even worse."
"Thad."
"Okay, I'm shutting up. See? This is me zipping my lips now."
"Anyway, back to dollar nights at the Cinemaplex. They were so much fun."
"Especially when everyone showed up."
"My favorite times were when we used to sit with Stone and Sheldon. We could do anything we wanted those nights."
"You boys used to do whatever you wanted as it was."
"Oh wow."
"What'd you find in the box now, Jamie?"
"Check this out. Movie ticket stubs from ... wow, Independence Day. Remember that one?"
"Yeah. Such a cool movie. I always liked Will Smith. He was so much fun in that movie. And remember the way he punched the alien? And then with the whole cigar thing? Yeah, I could've totally done something like that if I'd ever become a fighter pilot...."
"Thad."
"And man, who was his girl in the movie? She was hot. What was her name?"
"Thad, look at Cel."
"Started with a V I think. Vivian. Veronica ... no, that's not it. Vivi-something."
"Thad!"
"Vivica! That was it. What?"
"I don't feel so good."
"That's what I was trying to tell you. Cel, what's wrong? You're all pale and clammy. Sis?"
"Don't you two remember what happened that night when we went to that movie?"
-----Flashback-----
"Mommy, I need to go."
"Hush, Bobby. We just came back from there not ten minutes ago and all you did was play with the hand dryers."
"But Mommy, I need to go now."
"You know, just once I'd like to see part of a film without interruptions."
"But Mommy, I drank too much soda."
"Hold it in."
"I can't."
"Psst. What's going on?"
"Oh God, not you too. Thad, we're not the only ones in the theater tonight. Keep your voice down!"
"Sorry Mom."
"Michael, your son is insisting that he needs to use the restroom. Again."
"Babe, maybe you should take him. He's doing the bathroom bounce in his seat."
"Well, you take him."
"Why do I have to do it?"
"Because I just took him. It's your turn."
"It's okay Daddy. I'll do it!"
"No, Celeste. You're not the parent; it's not your responsibility. Michael, please."
"Fine!"
"I can't believe you're acting like a spoiled brat about this."
"I want to see this movie, Shannon. It's the only one I've wanted to see in the last five you've dragged us to on Thursday movie night."
"Oh really? So why is it then that I've still had to be the one to shuttle them back and forth if you didn't want to see the others?"
"Please don't fight. Not in here. Mom, it's okay. I'll take the boys."
"Boys? Great. Who else needs to go now?"
"Me."
"Me too."
"See, it's all three of them. I'll do it. I promise we'll all come back at the same time."
"But baby, this is the movie you specifically asked to watch. How's this fair?"
"It's okay. Really. Just ... Mom, he really has to go."
"Alright. But stick together. And don't talk to strangers!"
"Yes, Mom."
"Sorry, Mom."
"Yeah, sorry."
"But I have to go!"
"Hang on Bobby, we're going."
"Excuse us. Excuse us, please."
"I hate it when the theater's crowded."
"Thad, are you really that thick?"
"What? I do. You have to be more quiet when it's like this, and then when you have to go out in the middle of the movie, you have to climb over people...."
"It's okay, Jamie. He really is that self-centered. Let it go."
"Cel, all they do is fight lately. I hate this."
"Yeah. And in the theater, too. It's so embarrassing. Okay, Bobby, go ahead. I'll wait out here since I'm not a boy."
"Someone come with me!"
"You're six. Can't you do it by yourself yet?"
"No. What if someone tries to steal me?"
"Can I have your toys if they do?"
"Thad!"
"Hey, no hitting. I'm telling Mom."
"Go in there with him or else I'll really give you a reason to go crying to Mom."
"He's such a jerk sometimes."
"I know, Jamie. It'll be okay. They say people outgrow it when they get older."
"Yeah."
"Okay, what's eating you? You look like you're ready to cry or something."
"Why are they always fighting, Sissy? Did we do something wrong?"
"Shh. Come here."
"Come on, don't go getting all mushy on me in public!"
"Fine. Next time don't come to me for a hug then."
"Sorry."
"Boys. I don't understand you at all!"
"I said I'm sorry. But ... why are they fighting so much lately? Is it us, Cel?"
"No, we didn't do anything wrong. Maybe it's just that time of the month for Mom, okay?"
"Eeew, don't tell him stuff like that. You'll scar the boy forever."
"Jesus, don't sneak up on a girl like that!"
"Will you quit whacking me?"
"Quit being a jerk!"
"Quit telling Jamie about girl junk."
"You're only a year older than me, Thad. Quit acting like you're my father."
"Someone has to. Dad's not lately, and as the oldest boy...."
"Yes, well as the oldest of us all, I'm telling you to shut up and go help Bobby wash his hands before I whack you again. Leave Jamie alone."
"Bossy witch."
"Yep, that's me. Now go."
"Going. Going."
"Jamie...."
"It's okay. He's always picked on me. It's not like anything's going to change."
"No, it's not that. Listen. Mom and Dad ... they're a married couple. They all fight from time to time, okay? Uncle Steve and Aunt Ivy do it, Uncle Jace and Aunt Marcia ... all of them. Mom and Dad aren't any different. It just happens."
"But she was getting so mad at us in there."
"She's going to be even madder if we don't hurry back soon, too. Bobby, good, you're done. Are you sure you're not going to have to come back any time soon?"
"Yeah, Sis. Will you hold my hand back to our seats? The dark is scary."
"Yes, I'll hold your hand. Come on."
"Cel the Mommy."
"Thad, I swear...."
"Going. Going."
-----End Flashback-----
"That's the night Dad came home drunk, isn't it?"
"Yeah. We were all hiding in your room Sissy, because the movie scared Bobby."
"It scared all of us, Thad."
"I wasn't scared!"
"Whatever. But we were all on Cel's bed sleeping when Dad came home."
"Yeah. It wasn't pretty."
"You realize how much he had to have drunk that night to be that drunk?"
"Well, since I don't drink and Jamie can't hold his alcohol, tell us."
"I don't know, but you know my tolerance comes from him. Probably almost a case of beer. He can still drink twelve even now without getting very fuzzy."
"So a whole lot."
"Yeah."
"Did you know they were having trouble already?"
"Did you? I was only ten. I don't remember it very clearly."
"Cel, how old were you?"
"See, this is why I'm the math whiz. Thad, if I was ten, and you're a year older than me, and Cel a year older than you...."
"Enough, please. I'm tired of this bickering, and especially traveling down stupid memory lane. Let's find a happy one, then. Thinking about them getting divorced and all the reasons for it is too depressing."
"Okay, Mommy. We'll find something happier in the box. Oooh, look, it's a baby picture. I wonder which one of us it is."
"Um, well, we can rule out Cel right away...."
"Well spotted, Thad. Seriously."
"Judging by the size of things, that can't be me, then."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm not that small."
"Quick, whack her back. She's choking!"
"Come on, Sis, breathe."
"You're not that small? Thad, you're really too much sometimes."
"Thanks."
"Um, I don't think it was supposed to be a compliment."
"Next?"
"You pick Cel."
"No, you go ahead, Jamie. I'm much too comfortable leaning back in this sofa at the moment."
"Whoa! That kid kicks hard."
"You felt it?"
"Yeah. Future soccer player in there, mark my words."
"Or gymnast. I swear this kid keeps doing cartwheels in here."
"Ahem. Box. Memory?"
"Honestly, Thad. Now look at who's being impatient."
"I am a paragon of patience."
"Cel, you'd better move before the lightning strikes you too for being too close to him."
"Good suggestion, Jamie. Care to help me up?"
"Ha. Ha. Ha. You two are not funny."
"And you are?"
"Yes, I am!"
"It's true, Cel. He is funny."
"He is?"
"Yep. Funny looking."
"The rate we're going, we're never going to get through this box. Can't you two stop for just a little while?"
"Not really."
"Yeah. What would you do if we suddenly were all ... normal? Well behaved, even?"
"I suppose you have a point there. I'd wonder who'd stolen my brothers and dumped you two on me."
"Aw, you hear that Jamie? She loves us like this."
"She loves me like this. You're the abnormal one."
"Fine. I can live with abnormal."
"Don't forget funny looking, too."
"Fine. Abnormally funny looking. Heh. That could almost mean ... handsome!"
"Tell you what. While you two debate this out, I'm going to go to catch a nap. I'll see you two, later, and we'll go through the box then, okay?"
"Mind if we watch movies while you're gone, Sis?"
"Help yourself."
"And if we get scared?"
"Thad, if you climb in my bed afraid of the dark, I'm going to kick you."
"I was thinking more for James there, but thanks for the warning all the same."
"You're too kind."
"I know. It's my worst trait."
"Help me up?"
"Ah, the fat lady can't get out of her sofa."
"Don't call her fat. Jeez, Thad!"
"Ow! Quit whacking me!"
"Quit saying dumb things to make me hit you, then. And thank you, Jamie. At least one of you is gentlemanly."
"Uh-oh. I don't trust that expression on your face, Sis. And I can be gentlemanly. I just choose not to be around certain people."
"Like Cel?"
"Exactly!"
"Thaddeus, remember that old saying, about it not being over until the fat lady sings?"
"Uh, yeah. What about it?"
"It's ooooover!"
"Ow!"