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Harry was always against meeting the kid. Since the day Modest sat them down and told they're going to actually proceed with the pregnancy, Harry swore to himself to never meet the kid. He, however, broke the promise when Louis took him to the hospital – for moral support he said – and Brianna's family allowed him to hold the newborn. He was such a small and fragile baby, who didn't deserve to be a part of the industry bullshit. Harry cried for hours after that meeting. He didn't talk about it with Louis, but he never wanted to be near the baby ever again.
When Freddie turned 2, Louis started to suggest Harry to get to know the kid. He thought maybe, by introducing them to each other, Harry won't be as bitter about this whole thing.
Of course, Louis was also angry about the closeting and involving the real child in this shitshow, but he tried finding positive ways to look at the situation. And one of them was that he and Harry wanted kids since they were teenagers and Harry's baby fever only grew stronger year after year. And Freddie was a very nice kid, not at all as his biological family, and Louis genuinely liked spending time with him. So maybe there was a chance that Harry might like him too.
Harry was already grumpy about the idea, when Louis suggested to spend some time with the kid. Don't get him wrong, he liked kids with all his being and he couldn't wait for a time when they can have their own. However, Freddie's family aren't very nice people, they're are mean to them sometimes and too focused on their own needs. He didn't enjoy the idea of having to spend much time with them. But when Harry told Louis about it, his spouse – his lovely, gorgeous, attentive and smart spouse – suggested to bring Freddie to their home (maybe not their main home, but one of the second houses they had in LA).
Harry still hesitated, remembering how their first meeting ended, but he could see Louis trying so hard to make the best out of their shitty situation, so he took pity and agreed to meet with the kid once more.
***
Harry was cooking lunch, when Louis came home with Freddie. It was a time when Harry had a break from tour and Louis finished with Xfactor judge responsibilities. They were staying at their – actually Louis' – place in the south part of LA.
Harry has already finished preparing meals, and went to greet them. For the first time he laid his eyes on the boy standing in front of him, the memories and all these awful feeling started to resurface. And Harry really thought that maybe it'd be okay to meet the kid after all this time.
How wrong he was.
Harry was looking at the kid, his big blue eyes and light blonde hair – he really was a little similar to Louis, what a convenient fucking coincidence. If Harry didn't know better, there even was a small possibility that he might believe in them being related. But they weren't, they couldn't, Louis and Harry were together for almost eight years, Louis never cheated and never slept with Brianna, and she was never pregnant. Harry knew all of this, but looking right now at the boy, he couldn't stop himself from overthinking.
Everything, every little thing, in the kid reminded Harry of all the shitty stuff they had to go through and are still going through. In his big innocent eyes, he saw Louis' when they just met, full of hope and ambition, but then he saw how year after year his eyes lost it's innocence, grew hard and sad. In Freddie's dimples, he saw his own smile that after some time started to look fake and forced.
And most importantly, he saw that he might never be able to give Louis their own biological kids. He was okay with the idea of adoption, and of course he'd love their child no matter what. But motherhood, being pregnant and being able to grow a real human life within yourself fascinated Harry. With all this gender crisis and self-realization stuff Harry was going through right now, these were the only feelings he was sure of. So, the fact that he might never be able to experience it made him more depressed than he already was. And having a constant reminder, in the form of the alleged Louis' son, didn't help and only worsen the feeling.
Throughout the day, however, Harry pretended to be alright, even smiled and played with Freddie. He didn't want to cause a scene in front of a child because it wasn't even his fault, and Harry had no right to be angry at the boy. And he also didn't want to disappoint Louis – he always does so much to keep Harry happy, and Harry didn't want to tell him that their meeting actually made everything worse.
So Harry kept quiet. And when the day finally ended, and Louis went out to drive Freddie home, Harry sighed in relief.
Harry knew as soon as Louis would be out the door, he'd fall down ugly sobbing and crying. So he tries to keep himself distracted by cleaning up the house, washing dishes and then going through his nighttime skincare routine. But when he takes the first step into the shower, the tears just start freely falling with the same intensity as the water from the shower head. He stands under the spray for what seems like hours or only few minutes (he doesn't know and doesn't care), crying and wallowing in his own self-pity.
He doesn't hear when Louis comes home, doesn't hear anything really, except the pounding of blood in his ears.
After some time, he starts to calm down a little. He turns away from the spray, rubbing his eyes from water. At this exact moment, he notices the movement in the corner of his eye. Turning, he sees Louis walking into the bathroom and looking concerned at him.
Harry doesn't know whether Louis heard him crying or not, but it doesn't matter because his bitten lips and red puffy eyes are evidence enough.
Louis doesn't say anything as he takes his clothes off and steps in the shower. He gently hugs Harry, putting the hand on his head and leaning it to lay on his shoulder. Harry hugs him back and puts his face in the crook of Louis' neck.
They just stay like that for some time. And if more quiet tears fall from Harry's squeezed eyes, Louis doesn't acknowledge it.
They don't talk when the water gets irritating, and they get out of the shower. They don't talk while drying themselves. They don't talk when they lay on their bed and turn the lights out. They don't talk, but Louis still spoons Harry, putting his face between his shoulder blades and quietly breathing on Harry's back.
And only when Harry starts to drift away from the exhaustion of the day full of emotions, he hears Louis' shaky and small voice say,
"Sorry."