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Nat wakes up, stuck. Normally, this would make her panic, but all the energy’s already drained from her body. Plus, whatever’s trapped her is warm. And soft, and doesn’t smell like complete shit. And so Nat’s half asleep delirious brain snuggles further into the thing that’s got a hold of her.
She falls back asleep before she can feel it stiffen.
Two hours later, Nat wakes up again. This time with a cool breeze blowing on her back. For some reason, it makes her uncomfortable. She looks around at her sleeping friends and realizes one is missing. Lottie. Then it clicks. Oh. She gets up, careful not to wake the others, and shuffles out the cabin. It’s cold out, but not too cold. The snow’s mostly all melted, leaving a damp, soggy forest floor in its wake. Nat wrinkles her nose, but steps outside nevertheless. She brings the gun with her just in case.
She finds Lottie on a fallen tree branch, staring out into space. The air smells sweet. Nat likes it.
“Hey, Lot,” she greets, gently.
Lottie flinches and turns around. “Nat,” she breathes. “Hi. Sorry. I, uh. Couldn’t sleep.”
Nat smiles awkwardly. “You, uh.” She gestures awkwardly, remembering the way Lottie curled around Nat not two hours ago. “Yeah.”
“Yeah, sorry. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”
“No, it was… nice,” Nat says. Then she backtracks. “Not because, like. You know. Just like because we’re all tired as fuck and it’s still pretty damn cold and. Yeah.”
Lottie grins softly, and something in Nat flutters, quick and faint. But still, it’s there. It’s been happening quite often around Lottie, despite the two never really talking all that much. Attraction like that hasn’t happened since Travis. And of course Nat’s noticed how pretty Lottie is, everyone has. She’s like, supermodel pretty. And her eyes- no. This is not the time to be distracted by pretty girls. Absolutely not. Nat shoves her gay little thoughts in a box and pushes it deep into her mind, muting her internal crisis. Externally, she asks, “Are you gonna come back to the cabin?”
“I think I’m gonna stay for a few more minutes,” Lottie replies. “You’re welcome to stay with me.”
“Okay.” Nat sits next to Lottie, close enough that she can hear her breath but far enough that they aren’t touching. The gun lies next to her, leaning against the log, forgotten.
And they sit there, watching the sun rise. Definitely longer than a couple minutes. Nat and Lottie haven’t hung out alone all that much, especially since Doomcoming. Nat knows something’s up with Lottie. Everyone knows at this point, but no one really understands. Nat thinks the only person who did understand, at least a little, was Laura Lee. But she’s gone and Lottie’s broken and they all are and they only have each other now. All the delusions and visions and hopes of getting rescued were exterminated months ago. At this point it’s just brittle acceptance. They really could die out here.
Some of them have. Shauna barely leaves the cabin. She’s only spoken to Nat twice since Jackie’s death, even months later, and the only one who she talks to is Taissa. And mostly everyone has moved on from Laura Lee. Except Lottie. The image of her sinking into the lake and screaming her throat raw is burned into Nat’s brain. No one could move her for hours, even as the day turned to night, even as the freezing water turned her stiff and wrinkled.
No one dares to talk about it.
The sun peeks out from behind the trees, turning the sky a brilliant pink. A sharp breeze flows through, ruffling Nat’s hair and making her shiver, and by instinct she shifts closer to Lottie. The taller girl hesitates before wrapping an arm around Nat, and they wait for the breeze to pass. It does, and yet neither of them move. After a second, Nat lowers her head onto Lottie’s shoulder, and the sky starts to turn blue. The others will be up soon.
Nat turns to Lottie, and their eyes lock. Both of them blush and turn away at the same time, and Lottie stands up to stretch. Her arms reach for the sky, and wow it really is kind of funny how much taller Lottie is than Nat. And without thinking, Nat hugs Lottie. A full on, bonecrushing hug, because dammit if they just watched the sunrise together like stupid teens in a stupid movie then Nat will take her chance and be vulnerable. It’s only Lottie, and they’re probably gonna die here anyways.
Lottie lets out an adorable squeak of surprise before reciprocating, not quite tall enough to put her chin on the top of Nat’s head, but oh well. They stand there for who knows how long, until they hear Taissa dish out morning chores and the rustles and chatter of a new, long day starting.
They untangle themselves and smile, but Nat notices something in Lottie’s expression.
“Hey, is everything goo-”
Lottie roughly grabs the lapels of Nat’s leather jacket and pulls her in close, hovering over her. For a terrifying second, Nat thinks it’s another one of Lottie’s demon-freak-outs, but then- “Is this okay?”
And all Nat can do is nod before Lottie kisses her. It leaves Nat breathless and dizzy, and it’s all she can do to keep her knees from giving out. So that’s what kissing girls is like. Hm, she thinks. And then, oh ew, I sound like a gross cliche schoolgirl. Lottie giggles and another rush of serotonin spreads through Nat, and Lottie kisses her again.
“I have wanted to do that for a while,” she admits.
“Really?” Nat asks incredulously. “Why didn’t you?”
“I thought you hated me after Doomcoming,” she says, nervously picking at the loose frays of her shirt. “And… I didn’t want to hurt you. Or any of the others, for that matter. I don’t know what’s happening to me, but I don’t know how much longer I can stand it.”
Nat stands on her tiptoes to hold Lottie’s face, to gently push a strand of hair behind her ear. “Hey, hey,” she soothes. “I get it. It’s okay. We’re all here for you.”
The corners of Lottie’s mouth twitch up, and Nat kisses it, kisses her. Until the loud clops of shoes interrupt them, and Tai steps into the clearing, surprised until she registers what’s happening. She spares them one ‘proud mom’ look before raising an eyebrow.
“‘C’mon, we have work to do.”
She walks away, and Lottie and Nat look at each other and laugh. Nat could get used to this. Whatever happens, somehow she thinks everything will work itself out. They walk back to the cabin, hand in hand.
And they spend their days on the island doing their normal chores, exchanging soft glances and quick touches and stolen kisses. They spend their nights cuddling, Lottie curled around Nat, even after winter passes and summer starts and everyone gets heat stroke at least once. And Lottie helps Nat open up and Nat helps Lottie with whatever demons are festering in her head, figuratively and quite possibly literally.
And for the first time since they landed on this godforsaken island, Nat feels safe.