Chapter Text
A hand shook him awake.
Levi blinked, unsure if he’d even gotten a measly three hours of sleep like he’d usually have. His limbs felt heavy, like logs of wood. The stale, cold air didn’t help his ache either.
He’d been trying to sleep on the aircraft in a solitary corner with nothing but crates and dust, but to no avail. There were too many noises and the air was too cold but most importantly . . .
Mikasa was there, crossing her arms. Her moon like skin glowed in the darkness of the room, illuminating a face that permanently furrowed, much like his own. Her face was inexpressive, but Levi knew her better than that.
She startled him. He must be getting old.
“He’s asking to speak with you,” Came the unusually steady and thick voice from Mikasa. He’d wondered if she’d been crying.
Levi raised his head and met eyes with the impossibly dark embers of the girl, who’d bulked impossibly over the past few years. The stress of Eren’s absence had worn her, causing a slight wrinkle around her eyebrows. Her eyes were always dark and aged with experience, though.
“Me?”
“Yes,” Mikasa replied, a bit harsher. “I won’t keep him waiting.” She turned and briskly walked towards the back, where they kept Eren locked and chained upon his arrest.
Eren.
Levi got up. He tugged the green cloak around him even tighter, though he could hardly feel cold. He could still smell him, even. If he bent his head ever so slightly—
“I don’t know what he wants to do with you, of all people,” Mikasa spoke as she walked, her shoulders square and her fists clenched. “He doesn’t even care to see me.”
Her words were honest. They were bare and broken. Levi wanted to cry at how familiar this voice was to him.
Their heavy footsteps filled the air, banging against the harsh metal beneath them. The aircraft was quiet, as most were asleep or simply focusing healing themselves.
Levi stared into Mikasa’s back, keeping his guard up. He could see that the girl was simmering beneath the surface, ready to launch a punch into Levi’s jaw at any slightest word. He didn’t blame her. There was a part of him that wishedshe would deliver those devastating blows, knocking pain into Levi’s body for all the stunts he’s pulled.
“Mikasa.”
“Don’t.”
“I’m sorry.”
Mikasa glared over her shoulder, anger glittering in the coal pits of her eyes. The scar beneath her seemed to glow in the embers of the warm lighting of the aircraft.
“I don’t care that you’re sorry,” Mikasa said. “Don’t ask me to pity you.”
“I’m not. I wouldn’t,” Levi assured. “I . . . know how hard this is for you.”
Mikasa didn’t respond. She didn’t move a muscle. She was so silent that Levi was unsure if she’d heard him, but Levi didn’t want to risk repeating himself. He only felt sad. Sad that she was shutting down again.
Levi was sad he was the reason for it.
Mikasa was an inconsolable mess when Eren left. When Eren went missing in Marley, Hanji and Levi had to drag Mikasa back to their ship. It was a fighting battle that result in a few spills of blood and quite a few bruises. She talked about a conversation they had before he left and how she sobbed over it, but would never spill what the conversation was about.
Levi, through the dark fog of his own mind, had to be strong for her and convince her it was the right thing to do. It reminded him greatly of when they first attacked the female titan. Mikasa must’ve sensed the same thing, agreeing to finally leave Eren where he was.
Once home, Levi found solace in Mikasa, the ever-stoic girl with all the strength in the world. She had closed herself off for the first few weeks that Eren was gone, sheltering a belief that he’d been the one to impregnate Historia and that he was captured, beaten and tortured within the borders of Marley. Levi believed in these fates or worse as well, and busied himself with Mikasa’s company.
Eventually, Levi broke down Mikasa’s walls. Over the months they spent together, Levi had shown the girl how to sew, hunt, fish—all the things she tearfully recalled her mother teaching her before her murder. They met up a few times a week to silently tend to chores or political matters. Eventually, their bond grew into shopping trips, cooking sessions and cleaning. She was a decent cleaner.
Of course, rumors flew and it was assumed that Levi and Mikasa were now a taboo item of sorts, but Levi disregarded them. Mikasa ignored the rumors with a blushed silence, which made Levi twist with a unique guilt.
Eventually, he couldn’t deny he started to enjoy her company as well. The loneliness from Eren’s absence won. In those moments of vulnerability, it was when Levi remembered that it’d been years since he let Eren into his bed—years since he felt human touch. Eventually, he let her end their long nights with long stares and unsaid words that unraveled into touch. Into kisses, into passion, into lovemaking, into crying, into long embraces.
Mikasa was a magnetic lover. She was attentive, careful, cautious and calculated. She was a prodigy in most things, and one of those things was Levi. She began to read the man like the back of her hand and willfully tend to him in a way that didn’t suffocate him. Whether it was his series of long-running nightmares or body aches from war, Mikasa was there to silently heal his wounds.
They were living in their perfect bubble. Mikasa would stay at his double story home most nights. No one would brave the visit to their residence save for Armin, but that’s exactly how Levi preferred things.
Then the letters came.
Mikasa was overjoyed to hear that Eren was alive, but conflicted over his demands to have the scouts retrieve him in Marley. His threats were dire, serious and so harsh that Mikasa had a hard time believing Eren was the one to write these. Levi knew. He knew something shifted in Eren a long time ago. He knew this day was coming.
This led to Levi making the mistake of telling Mikasa about their relationship.
It was a warm day. The two agreed to meet at the side of a river that ran through Shiganshina. It was their usual spot: a quiet, shady area with little passerby. Mikasa and Levi often sat here to talk, share tea or weave baskets together, like they were at that moment.
Levi began by telling her about the court, and how twisted with guilt Levi felt over the whole thing. As his guardian, Levi spent long nights outside of Eren’s cell and the two began to talk and eventually, it escalated. They loved each other, holding hands and kissing and making love in private right under everyone’s noses. Eren doted on Levi hand and foot and adored every step the older man took until . . .
Until the incident that changed everything.
The serum incident in which Levi ended his relationship with Eren. Though the boy loved Levi endlessly, he was always wary of his devout loyalty to Commander Erwin. Eren saw the choice not only as an act of betrayal, but an undying devotion to Erwin. Levi never denied that.
Levi ultimately decided to save Eren’s friend’s life, but it was too late. Levi’s pristine image was stained with blood and bitterness. In one fatal swoop, he’d lost his best friend and his lover.
Mikasa was stunned. He could remember her body being unusually still, but her hands and breath were shaking with undeniable anger. He didn’t say a word. If anything, he expected her to launch herself at him with flying fists and rage.
Instead, she set the basket down and walked away, leaving Levi with his silence at the side of the river.
Since then, Levi made no attempted at reconciliation. He coldly let the distance drift between her and the girl as he continued on with his life, rebuilding Paradis and missing Eren. Like Eren, Mikasa became a ghost in his life. Another monument to Levi’s failures as a lover.
“Eren,” Mikasa’s voice was gentle as they appeared at the door. “It’s . . me. I brought the Captain for you.”
Levi did not dwell on how coldly Mikasa addressed him. He allowed his fists to clench, knowing that Mikasa’s venomous acknowledgements only made their affair that much more obvious. The two were surely walking into a lion’s den.
“I’m coming in.”
Eren did not respond. Mikasa took that as the initiative to go ahead and open the door, where a sullen looking Eren sat against the opposing wall. His long, dark hair shielded his face and his limbs lay flat. For a moment, Levi thought he might be dead, until he looked up and spoke.
“That’s all,” Eren replied, his voice like gravel and rock. “You can leave us, Mikasa.”
Mikasa didn’t leave immediately upon instruction, only stiffening and clenching her fists. Levi could hear her shaky breath from here. He knew what she was thinking. He knew how she was hurting.
“As you wish,” Mikasa nodded before turning and exiting the room, the heavy door slamming in her wake.
Levi turned back to Eren, who had been lifelessly slumped against the wall, his thick thighs spread before him and his long, dark hair shielding his face. Levi didn’t, couldn’t recognize the man before him as the submissive yet passionate boy he knew for years. This wasn’t Eren, this was some twisted and dark shadow of the person he was before.
“You look different,” Levi spoke underneath his breath, unsure if Eren had even heard him amongst the creaks and groans of the airship around them.
“I would hope.”
Levi’s blood ran cold. He still wasn’t used to the gravel and smoke that masked Eren’s voice. It’d been years since he sat down and heard Eren’s voice so direct and concise with him. After Erwin passed away, the two were only captain and subordinate and nothing else, so Eren’s voice may as well have been a gust in the wind or the flight of a fleeing bird’s feathers.
“Why?” Levi offered. He was gauging Eren.
“Why?” Eren repeated, as if he were unimpressed with the question.
Levi was rather unimpressed with his own interrogation skills as well, it seemed.
Years of rebuilding Paradis into a new, technologically advanced place to live could soften the edges of a man such as Levi, he supposed. Mikasa also had a hand in that, but Eren didn’t have to know.
“Why have you asked to see me?” Levi clarified, keeping his stance stiff. A hand of his absentmindedly drifted to his hips, where his blades ought to be but damn—they were left back at his sleeping corner. He grit his teeth at his unpreparedness. He wished Mikasa insisted she stayed.
Eren looked visibly relaxed at the clarification. “Ah. I thought you would’ve wanted to see me, but now . . .”
His eyes drifted down.
“I’m rethinking that. Everyone else’s motivations are so easy to decipher, like heavy rocks to sand but you . . .” Eren licked his dry lips. “You are hard to read as always, Captain Levi. Must be the Ackerman blood.”
Levi was uncomfortable. Eren was speaking with aged words, as if he’d lived ten thousand lives before being escorted away onto the airship. He looked and spoke as though he was tired, worn, big and holy, like a god of some kind. Levi stirred with anger at Eren’s subtle arrogance.
“I kicked you, didn’t I?” Levi spat, his tongue hot with the mention of his last name.
Eren’s lips twitched. “You did.”
“Then I fail to understand how my intentions could be misinterpreted.”
“So you hate me now?” Eren’s voice cracked ever so slightly, showing a glimpse of the young man he was before. “Must make sense. Considering all that’s happened.”
Levi tensed his jaw. “That was years ago.”
“I’m not talking about years ago.”
Eren didn’t look phased. He looked up and his eyes glittered with more life that he’d seen since he was reunited with Eren. Levi tensed, as he couldn’t grab a single sense for what Eren was thinking or about to say. It was unpredictable, and that’s what drove Levi crazy more than anything.
“Someone has been keeping you company,” Eren looked straight into Levi, his eyes dark, as if seeing right through the man. Had Levi been anyone else, this may have scared him or put him on edge. But he knew better. Eren couldn’t read him. Levi was confident about that.
“It doesn’t matter,” Levi spoke, almost teasing the man in front of him.
“You didn’t say no.”
Levi didn’t respond. Instead, he maintained his stiff and unwelcoming posture. He could dismiss himself, but he couldn’t walk away without finishing this.
“I’m glad she was smart enough to leave us be.” Levi felt his gut burn at where Eren’s eyesight had drifted. “She was always smart like that. She’s always known what I wanted, too. Just like a slave.”
Levi kicked him. It was a gut reaction, really, as though his body reacted before his mind could even process Eren’s words. Dark brown strands of hair flew back and there was a sickening smack as Eren flew against the metal wall of the ship behind him.
A moment of silence. Levi bit harshly into his tongue to withhold his shaking breath. He couldn’t kill Eren here like he promised he would (if the situation were to turn dire, somehow), but he could at least pummel him with every breath he’s got.
Eren chuckled. He clicked his jaw with a spare hand and spat onto the floor—a dark puddle of cherry with a shiny tooth right at the center. Levi felt no better.
“I wish I saw that part coming,” Eren rolled low, steam hissing from his lips. “I didn’t think you were still so protective over your subordinates, Captain.
“I’m not your Captain.”
She’s not my subordinate.
“You will always be my Captain,” Eren licked at his lip, swiping away the drips of bright red. “You’ll be mine. In this life, in the next and the one after that.”
Levi wanted to melt. He was tired of arguing, tired of putting on a front. He wanted to collapse.
“Then why did you leave . . . ?” Levi asked, a word hanging off the end of the sentence. The word unspoken, but Eren surely knew of its existence.
Why did you leave me?
“I saw an opportunity. A golden one. One that you would’ve most definitely seized, had it been you,” Eren replied, as if it were that simple. “We have an advantage and your arrival only secured Paradis’ safety. The founding titan . . .”
Levi saw red, sourness coating the back of his throat like medicine. “I don’t give a shit about that, Eren. You . . . You put us all in danger.”
You put her in danger.
“Necessary sacrifices.” Came Eren’s reply.
Levi was feeling sick at how familiar the scheme was. How readily Eren was to throw away the lives at innocents just for a military battle. How eager he was to prove to no one in particular how reigning he could he with power. It made him sick.
“Is that it?” Levi grit his teeth. “You brought me here to gloat?”
Eren blinked. The next sentence came so bleak that Levi was unsure he heard it correctly the first time.
“You didn’t seem to mind when it was Commander Erwin.”
“Don’t you dare, Eren,” Levi growled low, tears springing at the bottoms of his eyes. “I only loved you. Not him.”
It was the half-truth. Levi was used to delivering those to people, especially Eren.
“Acting foolish is beneath you, Captain.” Eren taunted. “Acting like you don’t like what you see. Acting like you have no clue why you were asked to see me.”
“I don’t—“
“Liar. Kicking me like that?” Eren’s voice strained. “You know exactly what that does to me.”
“Eren.”
“Unchain me and I can show you.”