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Sometimes Noah forgets what it was like to be alive.
It’s not like his life was particularly exciting – apart from his adventures with Whelk and messing around with his family (drinking his mother’s birthday schnapps not included, that resulted in a painful three weeks of being grounded) but it was his life. Now, in his after-life, he can barely remember most of his life. All the boring, dull days. All the gently happy unmemorable moments.
There are moments he does remember, though.
For his thirteenth birthday, his sister Angela got him a goat. An actual, real life goat. He’s not quite sure why she got him a goat, but it was nice of her none the less. He called it Ditzy.
His parents renewing their vows is another one. Well, not the actual renewing of the vows, that was boring. It was more the huge party afterwards where he revealed the cake that he and all of his sisters had made. The crazy dancing he did with his mother to ‘I will survive’. The secret smile he shared with his dad when he caught him crying.
He remembers the feeling of being tired, and the feeling of dizziness. He remembers what it was like to need a bath, and not having enough air to breath. He also remembers having too much air to breath.
Making cheese on toast after school. The cheese was made by his aunt and sent over from France, where she lived. The bread was made by his mother. It went best with orange and mango juice, but whelk always had it with AJ – Whelk.
Whelk teasing him, partying with him, studying with him (lazing around staring at his textbook whilst Noah tried not to stare at Whelk).
His sisters called him weak for letting whelk ‘steal’ his girlfriend, his father told him to man up, and to stand up for himself. His mother just smiled and said that so long as he didn’t let Whelk steal a girlfriend of his when Noah was actually interested in them, then she didn’t mind. She also said not to string the poor girl along, but seeing as Melina – the girlfriend – thought she was secretly cheating on him, that’s neither here nor there.
The supernatural stuff doesn’t come up in his memories much. He doesn’t know why, but there you have it. He does remember the moments leading up to his death if not his death itself. That’s probably for the best. He prefers to remember Barrington Whelk as a true, loyal friend, not as a murderer.
The feeling of busy streets, with everyone pushing past without looking at him is something he misses a lot. Also the feeling of people being watched, which is something he never thought he’d miss.
He used to spend hours agonising over these memories, picking through them, trying to remember more. He doesn’t have to look through his old memories any more. He has blue, Ronan, Adam and Gansey now. He no longer has to spend his time picking through old memories because he is out with them making new ones.
When Noah is out with them, he has never felt more alive.