Chapter Text
Chapter 1- Isla
“Hey there sweet cheeks.” Gary winks as he leans into me over the bar. His breath is hot on my face. It stinks of hops and stale peanuts. “ When do you get off again?”
He’s actually quite handsome in the dim pub lights- pale blue eyes, greying hair and the slightest hint of a five o’clock shadow, which is only visible when he is this close to my face. His eyes have bags under them and his shirt is wrinkled. From this distance I can see a mysterious yellow stain near the collar. I guess this means his twins still aren’t sleeping through the night. But his arms look strong as ever, and his lips are smooth and soft. I remember that he has a single dimple in one cheek that makes me feel all gooey inside when he smiles his stupid grin at me.
I look around the room of the tiny pub. It’s mostly just a few regulars here tonight, small town folks alone at various small wooden tables, glaring down into pints of the cheapest beer we have. There is only one group of younger women, who clearly thought that this could be the place to have some FUN in this godforsaken town. They are definitely here as first time bar hunters, and if their looks tell me anything it’s that they’ve seen one too many rom-com movies. One of them is wearing a glittery red crop top and a skirt so short it makes me blush every time I run my eyes past her. They all look extremely disappointed, but Short Skirt is trying to make the best of it, sucking back shots and giggling maniacally in an attempt to- what I can only assume- prove that they are indeed having A Good TIme.
I turn back to Gary. He grins, dimple and all, then licks his bottom lip… hungrily, if you know what I mean. I groan and roll my eyes. I can still feel myself melting, just a bit. I can’t help it, but this time I will be strong.
“ And...now you’re cut off.” I say to him with raised eyebrows. I tap the thick silver band on his ring finger. “ And Gar- for the third time this week- GO HOME. Your wife needs you. She pushed not one, but two, of your giant babies out of her body. AND she gave up her dream job to move to this hell-hole just to be with you. I think you owe her one.”
The jukebox at the back of the room switches to Don’t Stop Me Now by Queen, and Short Skirt squeals in delight, “ This is my JAM, baby!”. We both ignore her. I pick up a rag from below the counter and start to turn. Gary grabs my wrist and pulls me back.
“ You’re such a tease.” He hisses, gripping my wrist tighter. “ I know we were happy once. We could have that again.” I sigh. We used to date back in highschool. But that was highschool. Back when I was young and reckless with everything. Love. Sex. Magic. I thought I knew everything. Like I could rule the world- a warrior princess completely invincible to whatever darkness came my way. Fierce. Feisty. Sexy. Strong. And Alive.
Oh so Alive.
And we fell head over heels for each other. But you can’t mix magic, and sex, and fire, and not expect a nuclear fallout.
“ You know we couldn’t.” My voice is ice, even as I feel my face go red hot under his penetrating gaze. His eyes are pleading with me. Fuck. He knows what that look does to me. “ What do you really want, Gary? I know you. This is not what you want.”
I do know him. And I’ve seen him with his wife and kids. He’s completely enamoured with them. Gary doesn’t normally come on this strong either. I think I knew that the first time he came to me this week- trying to get me to go with him after my shift. Something is up.
He relaxes his shoulders and leans back, frowning. Then his eyes darted anxiously side to side. I scowl at him. He leans in even closer and cups one of his large, rugged hands around his mouth. Already I can see where this conversation is headed.
“ No, no, no. NO!” I growl at him under my breath. His eyes lock with mine.
“ Not sex magic!” He whispers back, loudly.
“Shhhhhh!”
“ Not sex magic.” He repeats, lowering his voice. He searches the room again, this time physically leaning back in his seat, looking both ways. He was never one for subtlety. “Something cooperative.”
“ Fucking no Gary!” I resist the urge to punch him. It’s difficult, even with the dimple. “You know I don’t touch that shit anymore!”
He sits up straight and exhales. “ I -I heard that you were turning tricks?” He says confused. There’s something else there… something desperate?
“ Yeah. Tricks.” I huff, squeezing the rag, which is still in my hand. I start wiping the bar counter vigorously, even though it’s already been cleaned. “ Mail-order Love Potions. Fortunes. Tracking down shit people loose. Light Stuff.” I rub the back of my neck. My hair is long and is always in a ponytail. I feel it brush against my fingers as I move. “Not fucking Co-op bullshit.”
His eyebrows are raised as high as they can go. I can practically feel the doubt oozing off him.
“There is no way you do tricks and not turn to the harder stuff too. Especially with your history.” He pauses, biting his lip. “ What about Kai?”
I stiffen at the name.
“ What about Kai?” I sneer.
Kai. My brother. My twin. But our history…. Well it’s complicated, isn’t it? What family dysfunction isn’t. When we were young he was like my soul incarnate. Everything that I hid about myself was smoothed out in him. Where I was all rough edges, callous comments and undeniable cynicism, he was soft, gentle and even a little timid. Where I was apathetic, stubborn and brash, he was earnest, patient and kind.
He was how I always felt deep down. My inner light made real. I didn’t realize until it was too late that what I showed the world was but a fraction of the darkness he felt.
People always tried to compare us. I’m not sure why. We were clearly opposites. And, we looked nothing alike- my long mess of golden hair to his dark tidy shoulder length curls, the sparkle in my green eyes to his deep and somber blue, my lanky frame to his stocky broad physique, and on and on. That happens with twins, I guess,- people take them as two pieces of a puzzle, no matter what they are like. But it didn't matter how different we were. We were always inseparable. It was us against the world. (No matter how cliche that sounds.)
Our parents were never there. Mum would be out clubbing or hooking up with strangers. At least, that was when she wasn't staring hollowly at the ceiling from underneath mounds of blankets in her bed. Dad pretended to be oblivious to his wife’s proclivities by burying himself in work- which usually resulted in him being some place on the other side of the country. Both seemed to care little about the fact they had children. Thank Christ they only had the two of us.
And that was just how it was. We weren’t abused. Or traumatized. Just forgotten.
Kai tried to make up for their lack of presence. He was the one that did the housework, and the cooking, and made sure the bills were paid On Time. Parent-teacher meetings, everything. And he was always willing to go along with my bullshit. Especially nearing the end of high school.
If I look back now, I should have seen it going wrong. He took to the magic so quickly. And he didn't seem to have any of the ritualized pain that most of those new to magic go through. The rite of passage is letting the cosmos burn through your veins and break apart your heart, your soul, so it can leave you feeling all-powerful and strong.
Kai spent the majority of his life taking care of everyone. He was bullied, he was teased and ignored. He had his childhood torn from him because he was too kind and caring. Too kind to me. Because I was selfish and did the reckless stupid things he never did, hoping that I could get some sort of attention. Big lot of good that ever did me. It’s no wonder Kai doesn’t speak to me anymore.
The thing about magic is that when you are doing it, it’s like you open up to everything. Every molecule of your body is on fire, and when you first start it hurts, but it hurts so good. The stronger you get, and the more you do, the more you feel- the expanse of everything; time, space, existence- it suddenly all clicks into place, and feels tangible and so so Real. More so than living. And for a while after that, you hum with it, the feeling of knowing the universe completely and intimately.
But, like all good things, that feeling ends. And it leaves you cold and empty, like a skeleton-picked and ravaged by rolling waves, laying forgotten in the darkest depths of the ocean. And it’s the emptiness that takes over you- and that drives you to go searching for more. Just one more spell, just one more reading, one more. Always just one more. ( It can never just be one.)
And when you are alone in the world- or even when you’re not ( like us, or so i thought- in it together to the end, that’s what twins are for right?) -the magic…. Well it drowns you. It eats you up and you can’t see the way out. You are stuck, beholden to it, and life passes by you in a haze as you let the fire consume you.
Sometimes, you get lucky. Someone notices you are burning and they help you out. If it hadn’t been for Mya… well. But Kai. Kai...
I suck in a deep breath. Gary is staring at me quizzically. I can hear the familiar sound of pots and pans being sent back to their original placements. There is a hint of a bleachy clean scent wafting in through the kitchen windows, and one of the cook staff yells to me that they’re all heading out for the night. My cue to let everyone know it’s last call. I close my eyes and chew on my bottom lip. I know I am going to regret this.
“ OK. Look.” I snap at Gary. He startles at the harshness of my voice. “ I’ll meet you out back by the bins in 45 minutes. You can tell me whatever bullshit you’re involved in while you walk me home.”
Gary’s eyes brighten as he lets out a sigh of relief. His body goes neutral, and he no longer looks like he wants to pull me into the bathroom stall and make me feel like we’re horny teenagers again. I smirk a bit, thinking about all the stereotypes of women seducing men into giving them whatever they want, and I am kind of glad for once that Gary is married. If he weren’t he could be an evil mastermind in the art of seduction.
“Oh my God, Isla, you have no idea how much I appreciate you doing this. I-” he starts to say, but I cut him off with a withering glare.
“I said I would listen, not that I would do anything about it.” I rap my fingers on the countertop. “ Now get the hell out of here before I change my mind. Unless you’re getting something. It’s last call.”
He leaves before he can hear me ring the bar’s customary “ last call bell”, and load up Matchbox 20 on the jukebox.