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Raccoon Marriage Hijinks

Summary:

This is what happens at 3am when I get given the best hc's ever. Fudou decides to propose to Kazemaru, but he doesn't want to do it normally. So what does he do? Get a bunch of raccoons to help.

Notes:

Inspired by Akki, written for Akki and also for Fudou's birthday today! <3

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Fudou wasn't one for romance, that was for sure. By all means he could probably attempt something romantic, like a romantic trip somewhere or a romantic dinner (bought with someone else's card of course) but that wouldn't be fun. So what's more fun than gathering the raccoons you befriended to help propose to the man who you loved? Exactly, nothing. 

Only his closest friends knew about his pack of raccoons, which were fed exclusively with Cheetos, chips, and the occasional leftovers. It had all started with one raccoon that had somehow approached him while he was hanging out at a park bench, as one usually does. It seemed to sniff the bag of cheetos that he was holding, when an idea popped in his head. 

Taking a Cheeto out of the bag, he handed it to the wild animal, which seemed thankful, scurrying away, leaving the brunette in shock at the fact that it actually worked.

The next day, the raccoon had somehow multiplied. And again the next. Before he knew it, there were more than 20, all circling around him, waiting patiently for their turn to be fed the delicious orange snack. At first they were all ranging from normal to skinny, but with the course of time they had all gotten quite round and chubby. The hardest part wasn't even taking care of them, it was explaining to Kazemaru why he had to spend all his money, which wasn't even that much, on cheetos and other snacks of the same nature.

In true Fudou nature, all the raccoons had received a name based on whatever was going through his mind at the time. Ranging from semi normal such as Bowser to fully weird like Dong Slayer. The best one also happened to be the fattest one, with the name of 'Duke Dick of Cockland.' 

After a few solid months of gaining their trust, he decided to execute his master plan. Toddler clothes would fit a 20 kilo raccoon, right? They had to. So he went and bought 7 white shirts for children, painting a letter on each one with a black marker, making sure to hide them deep in his closet. 

A couple days beforehand, he had gathered the Resistance Japan team, planning to tell them his grand scheme. 

"Everybody, listen up. I'll need your help during a little project I'm doing. All of you are to come to the riverside two days from now at 6pm." Granted, the whole team was confused, but who were they to not listen to their coach. 

Two days later, he had chosen the 7 least rowdy raccoons, taking a deep breath before attempting to dress them up. Getting their head through the neck hole was a challenge by itself, but once he cut them to be bigger, the only problem was keeping them in line till Ichirouta arrived. 

Of course, that turned out to be more difficult than Fudou expected, when did life ever make things easier for him anyway, since they were still wild animals, who lacked any wisdom of standing still during a proposal. 

Just when he finished fixing them for what seemed like the millionth time, Kazemaru arrived, looking perplexed as to why his boyfriend was standing around a group of raccoons wearing shirts. Sighing, he walked closer. 

"You wanted to see me?" The blue haired defender asked, peeking behind Fudou, who tried to ignore the chaos that was already happening, not even minutes after he had set them up. 

"Yeah, I wanted to show you something." He nodded and stood aside, revealing the message that had been spelt out.

'Ryram em.' 

Fudou was standing next to them with a cocky grin plastered all across his face before his boyfriend's lack of response momentarily stunned him. 

"Uh, Fudou, what does this mean?" Asked a very confused Kazemaru. 

Opening one eye to look at the raccoons, he cursed himself in his head as he tried to rearrange them as fast as he could. However the moment he grabbed hold of one, the raccoon that was wearing the letter 'a' started running off, causing the rest to be in visible distress. 

"Wait, Garbage Can! You can't just run off like that!" Yelled a worried Kishibe, jumping up from behind a bush, chasing after the white clad mammal. 

The rest of the raccoons started trying to run away in various directions as well, before being caught by the other members of Resistance Japan. Placing them back down, they each pulled out a leash, attaching it to their shirts. 

Before either adult could understand what had just happened, they had retreated back to the nearby bush, the only thing alerting to their existence being the different colored leashes leading back to them.

Finally, everything was in the proper place, causing the brown haired man to nudge his boyfriend, who looked at the now correct order of raccoons. 

'Marry me.'

This shocked the blue haired man, who didn't expect to be proposed to, much less with a group of raccoons. 

"So, what do you say?" 

"...How long have you been planning this, exactly?"

"It took me a few months to gain their trust, but I'd wager that it was worth it."

"I can't believe you even roped the kids into this." He facepalmed. 

"They were excited to partake, I don't know what you're talking about Kaze."

"Just, come here." He grabbed him by the collar and kissed him, causing most of the Resistance Japan members to do one of three things, yell at them to get a room, make a disgusted face or give them a thumbs up.

"I still haven't received an answer, y'know."

"It's a yes, Fudou. I thought it was obvious." 

Score. 

As if God had graced raccoons with a sixth sense momentarily, a very fat raccoon walked up to Kazemaru, holding two rings. 

"Thank you... uh.. what is it's name?" He asked, picking up the rings, turning to look at Fudou. 

"Duke Dick, but his full name is Duke Dick of the kingdom of Cockland." 

"Of course it is." He let out a small chuckle, making the other blush and look away quickly. 

Placing the ring on his finger, he seemed very happy, as Fudou gave a thumbs up to the kids hiding behind the bushes. 

"That could've gone a lot worse." Yukimura said, letting go off the leash momentarily, causing the raccoon to realize the sudden freedom it had, sprinting up to the couple, making Kazemaru stumble and fall. 

"...Of course you just had to go and jinx it." Minamisawa said, running his hand through his hair. 

"Well at least Coach seems happy." Kishibe said.

"Yeah, that's what matters after all." Hakuryuu added.

Notes:

sktektdkts I've never written fukaze before I'm so sorry