Chapter Text
Fever dream high in the quiet of the night,
you know that I caught it.
Bradley took a long sip of her whiskey and looked at the beautiful woman in front of her. She had been working as a personal assistant to Laura Peterson for six months, and the older woman was fucking fascinating, to say the least. She was a fashion icon, entrepreneur, philanthropist and celebrity journalist all in one. Bradley had always admired her and, getting to work for her was simply a treat. Getting fucked by her was also a treat. It felt like a fucking fever dream.
Their relationship had started strictly professional. Laura was looking for a personal assistant to deal with the more tedious aspects of her job and, Bradley had an impressive resume. She was instantly drawn to the tiny blonde and hired her on the spot. Sure, the fact that Bradley was freaking gorgeous influenced her decision, but she didn't only hire her for her looks. Bradley was competent, intelligent and a hard worker. Laura was quickly impressed by her work ethic.
Bradley was also impressed by Laura but in a less professional way. Sure, the brunette's credentials impressed her, but she was more impressed by Laura Peterson - the person than anything else. She quickly developed an embarrassing crush on her boss. Yes, Bradley Jackson found herself with a big crush on her sexy, married, straight boss. Of course, she had thought it was one-sided. How could it be anything else? Laura was married to Cory Ellison, CEO of UBA. They were television's golden couple. They had been together for nearly 15 years.
There were moments in which Bradley felt like maybe her crush wasn't completely one-sided. Laura seemed to remember little details about her, like how she drank her coffee or which muffin was her favourite. She constantly complimented her, professionally and personally. There were also moments in which the blonde could feel the older woman's stare on her. Not in a creepy way but in an I like what I'm seeing kind of way. Then there were the lingering touches. Whenever Laura handed Bradley her phone or her planner, she made sure their fingers touched lightly. She would touch her shoulder when she talked to her. She would poke her arm when teasing her about not handing in her reports on time. Yeah, there were times when Bradley allowed herself to think, What if? But, those thoughts were quickly discarded when she saw Laura being overly attentive with her male publicist or, with Alex Levy, her co-host. She was naturally flirtatious.
Bad, bad girl, shiny toy with a price,
you know that I bought it.
Bradley was utterly but pleasantly surprised when, one day, Laura invited her to her place for drinks after work. Her husband was on a business trip, and she didn't feel like being alone, she had said. By that point, Bradley had been working for Laura for four months. It was the beginning of the summer, and Bradley thought to herself: why the fuck not? She accepted Laura's invitation without expecting much of it. Sure, Laura was flirty with her, but she was flirty with everybody! Flirting seemed to be her way of communicating with the world. But then...then there were those lingering touches, those stares, those gestures that appeared to be reserved just for her.
The evening started pretty PG. Laura ordered them some pizza and made them old-fashioneds. Soon after, an old-fashioned became two old-fashioneds, and two old-fashioneds became three old-fashioned. At some point, Bradley lost count. Around that time, Laura got closer to Bradley on her couch. A bit later, one of Bradley's hands came to rest on Laura's knees. It was subtle, tentative. Then, Laura placed her hand on Bradley's thigh. Encouraged by her boss's actions, the blonde turned to look at her. Blue eyes met green ones and, they both lost it. They don't remember who was the first one to lean in. All they know is that mere seconds after looking into each other's eyes, Laura was straddling Bradley and kissing her with all she had. The tension that had been building for weeks was finally being released, and it felt glorious.
Things heated up pretty quickly. Before she could even register what was going on, Bradley found herself half-naked on Laura's couch. With an equally half-naked brunette on top of her, kissing and sucking her neck. Half-naked became naked, and Laura dragged Bradley to her bedroom. She pushed the blonde on her bed and climbed on top of her. The skin-to-skin contact made Bradley feel electrified. It was something she had never experienced before. The second Bradley felt Laura's tongue between her legs, she knew she was gone. She would be at Laura's mercy for as long as the brunette wanted. They had made love over and over that night. Taking time to explore every inch of each other's bodies. A few rounds had been hard, fast and needy. Nothing but pure raw desire. But others had been overwhelmingly sweet and intense. Clinging to each other's bodies for dear life.
And that's how they ended up here. Two months into their affair, sipping whiskey at Laura's townhouse while her husband was away on another business trip. He travelled a lot during the summer, which was convenient for them. Her friends, the few ones who knew about their affair, called it her summer fling. Bradley kinda wished it was a summer fling. Things would be easier for her. This was no summer fling. This was Bradley falling in love with her boss. Her beautiful, sexy, funny, incredible, married boss. Laura was the most intoxicatingly beautiful woman she had ever met. She wanted to be with her and, to be with her, she had to tolerate an obnoxious husband. To be with her, she also had to agree to remain a secret. Forever. And Bradley was willing to pay that price if that meant she could be with the brunette for one more day. Whatever she could offer, she would buy. Masochistic? For sure. Stupid? Perhaps. A bad idea? Most definitely. But she was too far gone.
Killing me slow, out the window,
I'm always waiting for you to be waiting below.
For whatever reason, their relationship didn't feel illicit. Yes, Bradley was painfully aware that she was having an affair with a married woman, but it felt so real. The moments they shared were real. The words that Laura whispered while making love to her were real. Her feelings were real.
"What are you thinking about?" Laura asked, bringing Bradley out of her trance-like state.
"I was thinking about how my birthday is coming up at the end of the summer," Bradley said, only partially lying.
"September 23rd, right?" Laura asked, taking a sip of her drink.
"Yeah," Bradley replied, "I don't know what I want to do. Everyone seems to think I should do something big since I'm turning 30."
"It's still more than a month away. You have time to think," Laura replied.
"Do you think you'll be able to come if I do celebrate? I would love for you to meet my friends," the blonde said, already knowing Laura's answer.
"Brad, we've talked about this before. I cannot meet your friends," the older woman replied.
Yes, they had indeed talked about it before. At times, Bradley forgot that Laura didn't actually belong to her and craved a sense of normality but, nothing was 'normal' about their arrangement. Laura was her boss and, she was married to a man. She was also a celebrity, which meant being extra careful. They were rarely out in public together, except for work-related events. Bradley didn't enter her house through the front door like other guests, she snuck through the garden gate.
Bradley never said it openly, but their situation was fucking painful. She was in love with Laura. She fucking loved her so damn much. But the brunette shut down any conversation that got a little too deep, a little too intense. Not because she didn't have feelings for Bradley, of course not. Laura was also in love, but things were a lot more complicated than they seemed. She had an image to maintain. The journalist had had plenty of affairs with beautiful women before Bradley, but the blonde was special. It was impossible for Laura to break it off after a few nights together like she usually did. Still, she pushed the younger woman away whenever she tried to get too close.
Bradley could feel Laura pushing her away at times and, it hurt her but, then Laura pulled her back in, and it felt amazing. At times, Bradley felt like she was fading away. Falling out a window into a crowded street, where she would inevitably crash into the pavement. She always hoped Laura would be waiting below to catch her, but she never was.
Devils roll the dice, angels roll their eyes,
what doesn't kill me makes me want you more.
As hard as it was, Bradley didn't regret their relationship. Despite the hardships and Laura's walls, being together felt incredible. It felt right. Laura drove her crazy in the best possible way. She was addicted to her kisses, her touch, to the sweet scent of her arousal and to her taste. In simple words: Bradley was hooked. She was an addict, and Laura was her drug of choice.
"Hey. I'm sorry," Laura said, looking into Bradley's eyes. The blonde felt absolutely exposed every time Laura looked into her eyes like that. It was as if the older woman could stare directly into her soul.
"It's okay. I understand," Bradley said, looking away. The intensity of Laura's stare was more than she could take.
"Do you?" Laura asked affectionately. The older woman felt bad for Bradley. She wasn't a complete asshole or a sociopath. She knew their situation hurt the young blonde more than she was willing to admit. Yet, she couldn't end it. She found herself absolutely enthralled by Bradley.
"Yes," Bradley lied. She didn't understand, and it wasn't okay. She wanted to date Laura for real. She wanted the older woman to meet her friends, to introduce her to her family, to go on trips with her. She wanted to have an actual relationship with her.
Laura could tell Bradley was close to tears. Something in her demeanour had changed. So, she did what she knew best.
"Good," Laura replied. She moved closer to the blonde, taking her whiskey glass. She placed it on the coffee table in front of them and slowly moved closer to Bradley again. The blonde could barely breathe. Laura was intoxicating.
"You are so fucking beautiful, do you know that?" Laura asked huskily, taking Bradley's earlobe into her mouth. The blonde gasped. Encouraged by this reaction, the brunette put her hands underneath Bradley's shirt, caressing her stomach, "I am crazy about you, Bradley."
Bradley was fully aware that Laura was trying to distract her from her negative emotions with sex. And, to be honest, it was working. Whatever, what doesn't kill me makes me want her more! she thought to herself, as she felt Laura's fingers entering her for the first time that night.
And it's new, the shape of your body.
It's blue, the feeling I've got
and it's a cruel summer.
Later that week, Bradley found herself breathless in Laura's office, with the brunette's head between her legs. Office rendezvouses were not a regular thing for them. They usually only happened when Laura was stressed, anxious, pissed or upset. She was extremely cautious around Bradley when they were at the network but, sometimes, she just couldn't help it.
Bradley found Laura hard to read. She could rarely tell what the other woman was thinking or feeling. That mysterious aura around her made her even more appealing. It also made things harder for Bradley. She could tell there was a shift in Laura, but she couldn't quite put her finger on it. Was the brunette stressed? No, her agenda had been pretty clear lately. Pissed? Maybe. She would also be pissed if she was married to Cory Ellison.
Bradley moved closer to touch Laura, but the brunette moved. This was about you, not me, s he had said with a fake smile. Bradley found the whole thing rather strange. Laura was never one to say no to being pleasured. Sure, she often preferred to take a dominant role in the bedroom (or office, whatever), but she thoroughly enjoyed being repaid .
Laura invited Bradley to her house that night. Cory was still away. Laura was still acting strange, but she allowed Bradley to touch her this time. The blonde was fascinated with Laura's body. She loved everything about it. She had been with women before, but Laura's body was something completely new. Her lithe shape seemed almost ethereal under the moonlight. She spent hours and hours pleasuring her. Licking every inch, scratching every surface. There was something strangely melancholic about their lovemaking that night.
It's cool, that's what I tell them,
no rules in breakable heaven;
but it's a cruel summer with you.
They didn't see each other after work for nearly two weeks after that night. It was almost the end of August, and Cory had returned home. August really did slip away like a bottle of wine, Bradley thought. Cory being home was torturous for the blonde. He visited Laura every day on set, and he was allowed to do all of the things that she could only dream of doing. He would shower the brunette with gifts and over-the-top PDA that made Bradley want to puke. She also despised the way the CEO said Laura's name. Lau-ra! Disgusting. What a stupid way to ruin such a beautiful name.
Stella and Mia, her closest friends, could tell that she was upset. They constantly asked her about her feelings and urged her to end her affair with Laura. She always lied to them, and they knew she was lying but, they didn't insist.
"Guys, it's cool. For real," Bradley told them. It wasn't true.
"We care about you, Brad. We don't want to see you in pain," Stella said.
"You won't. This is how my relationship with Laura works," Bradley replied.
"Yeah, but Brad, you're clearly very invested, and I am not sure she is on the same page," Mia said.
"It's fine," Bradley replied, needing to end that conversation.
"Are you-"
"I said it's fine."
Hang your head low in the glow of the vending machine,
I'm not dying.
We say that we'll just screw it up in these trying times,
we're not trying.
One night, the car ride to Laura and Cory's brownstone was silent. They had dinner with some network executives and a fancy New York rooftop restaurant and, all the pretending had Laura feeling exhausted. When they finally arrived at their place, Laura took off her shoes and mouthed night, but Cory stopped her.
"Where are you going?" he asked.
"To bed, I'm exhausted," she replied.
"No, I want to spend some time with you. You are my wife, and I haven't seen you in a few weeks," Cory said, smiling wickedly.
"Oh please, cut the bullshit. There's no one here to see us or hear us," Laura said impatiently.
"It hurts that you would say something like that, baby,"
"Okay, what's going on, Cory?" Laura asked, annoyed.
"You know what is going on," he replied, pouring himself a drink, "Scotch?"
Laura nodded and took the glass from him. "I have no idea what you're talking about,"
"Oh, come on. Don't play dumb,"
"I am not following,"
"I'm talking about your new lady friend, Laura. Little Miss Blondie," Cory finally said.
"You're delusional," Laura said, laughing.
"You know I don't give a fuck if you sleep with one or seventeen cute blonde girls," he said, taking a long sip of his drink. "But this one is lasting way too long. You need to end it."
"I really don't know what you're talking about," Laura said, downing her drink and pouring herself another.
"Why don't you go back to sleeping with Alex Levy? She is sexy, intelligent, uncomplicated..." he said.
"Screw you, Cory!"
"You are still my wife, Laura. I tolerate your affairs with women because you've always been discrete about them. Even when you were fucking Alex Levy in her dressing room every morning," her husband said. "But this time is different. That girl looks at you like you hold the moon and the stars, Laura."
"I..." Laura didn't know what to say. Cory was right: this time was different.
"And you? You look at her like a puppy at a chew toy," Cory said mockingly, "you need to get it together. Unless, of course, you want to divorce me and come clean to your family about who you really are."
Cory left the living room, leaving Laura sitting on the couch. Her marriage to Cory had been strictly out of convenience. They both came from very affluent old-money families who expected nothing but excellence from their kids. They had met in Columbia when they were 18 and quickly became good friends. They realized early into their friendship that they could help each other out. Cory's grandfather had left him a hefty inheritance that he couldn't cash out until he got married. Laura's parents had sent her to conversion therapy when she was 14 and had threatened to cut her off if she didn't marry a man. Cory had no interest in a real marriage, and Laura didn't want to be cut off. So, they fake dated and got married within a few years. It worked. At least at the beginning. With time, they grew more and more annoyed with each other, and nothing was left of their initial friendship.
Eventually, Cory left again. He spent a lot of his time travelling around the world, doing a bunch of drugs and having sex with plenty of people. Laura knew it and didn't care. Not even a little. It was part of their arrangement. She didn't care what Cory said, she was not going to end her relationship with Bradley. She would just have to be more secretive, more discrete. The young blonde was the only thing good left in her life.
Laura hadn't been honest with Bradley about the nature of her marriage. She hadn't told anyone, not even her therapist. If this information got filtered to the media, it could destroy her life.
So cut the headlights, summer's a knife,
I'm always waiting for you just to cut to the bone.
Devils roll the dice, angels roll their eyes
and, if I bleed, you'll be the last to know.
Soon after Cory left, the blonde and the brunette went back to seeing each other almost every day after work. Being with Laura while not fully being with her was becoming harder for Bradley. Without meaning, she became more demanding and insistent. She asked Laura for dinner dates, for picnics at Central Park, for rollerblading at the shore. The brunette always said no, of course. They never argued, though. Bradley was always a master at keeping her feelings at bay. She knew Laura could tell she was disappointed every time the older woman rejected her, but she never voiced it. If I bleed, Laura will be the last to know, Bradley always thought to herself. But strong feelings like that can never stay hidden for too long. That is the problem with bottling up emotions. Eventually, they are going to have to come out.
I'm drunk in the back of the car
and I cried like a baby coming home from the bar.
A couple of weeks before Bradley's birthday, everything exploded. Cory had returned home unexpectedly and found them together at the brownstone. They weren't doing anything compromising, just having dinner and a drink, but it was enough to freak Laura out. " We need to be more careful! No one can know about this, Bradley. We were almost caught by my husband!" Laura had said. After that, the brunette only wanted to meet Bradley at hotels, even after Cory left again. Not even the blonde's apartment. Bradley pretended to be okay with the arrangement like she always did. But she wasn't. She wasn't okay. She hated this.
Bradley went to a bar by herself and got drunk. She ended up pouring up her heart to a stranger named Daniel, who sat next to her. Daniel had told her about a very similar experience that he had had with a married man. He advised her to be honest with Laura about her feelings. He advised her to tell Laura that she loved her and, she wanted to be with her for real. To tell her how shitty she felt with their situation and that she wasn't willing to hide anymore. He said that Laura may surprise her and leave her husband for her. Deep down, Bradley knew that would not be the case.
Later that night, she cried in the uber all the way home. She cried like she never had before. She cried so much that she was choking, and her driver stopped the car, asking her if she was alright.
Said, "I'm fine," but it wasn't true.
She said she was fine like she always did. But it wasn't true. And Daniel was right. She needed to be honest with Laura. She needed to tell her how she really felt. She needed to do it for her own sake. This situation was killing her slowly. She didn't want to keep secrets anymore. If this caused her to lose Laura, then be it.
"Could you please turn around and drive to an address in Manhattan? There is something that I need to do," Bradley said in between tears. She was drunk enough to have to courage to finally do this but sober enough to remember it the next day. The driver agreed, and a few minutes later she was knocking on Laura's door.
"Bradley, what are you doing? Have you lost your mind?" Laura said, opening her front door and pulling the blonde inside her house. "Are you okay? Why are you crying?"
I don't wanna keep secrets just to keep you
and I snuck in through the garden gate
every night that summer just to seal my fate.
Bradley all but jumped into Laura, their lips crashing in a passionate kiss.
"I love you," Bradley said, tears running down her face.
"Bradley..." Laura started.
"I know you don't want to hear it, but I love you. I do. I fucking love you, Laura Peterson," the blonde continued, "I want to be with you. I don't want to sneak around, and I don't want this to be a secret anymore."
"Brad, you know that I can't," Laura said, tears threatening to escape her eyes. There was nothing she wanted more than to tell Bradley that she loved her too. But she couldn't.
"Why? Why can't you? Because of Cory? You don't love that clown! Everyone can see that!" Bradley said a little louder than she intended.
"It's a lot more complicated than that," Laura said, tears finally rolling down her cheeks. I am such a coward, she thought.
"Then help me understand. Tell me, what is so complicated about it?" the blonde said, taking Laura's hands.
"I can't," Laura said, bawling. "I'm sorry."
"That is bullshit, Laura!" the blonde said, sobbing "I know you love me too. I feel it every time we kiss, every time we make love. I even feel it every time you look at me."
"I think it's better if you go," Laura said, barely being able to breathe. Bradley was right. Laura did love her. She loved her with every fibre of her being, but she was too afraid. She wasn't ready to come out, and she might never be.
And I scream, "For whatever it's worth
love you, ain't that the worst thing you ever heard?"
"Screw you, Laura! Screw you!" Bradley said, crying so hard she was having a hard time breathing. "Why can't you even admit that you are in love with me? What are you so afraid of?"
"Bradley, please go," Laura whispered.
"I'm not going until you fucking talk to me!" the blonde said. "What are you so afraid of?"
"I'm not afraid of anything. I don't love you. This never meant anything to me. It was just an affair. I've had plenty, and this was no different," Laura said, sobbing. Even saying those words had been extremely painful.
"You are lying. I know you are lying," Bradley said, "If time is what you need, I am willing to wait for you to be ready."
"Bradley! Go! Leave! I meant what I said!" Laura said, yelling and pushing Bradley towards the door.
"I love you. Ain't that the worst thing you ever heard?" Bradley screamed before walking out the door for the very last time. As soon as the door locked behind her, Laura fell to the ground, sobbing and screaming. She fucking hated her life. She knew right then and there that she would never get over Bradley Jackson.
---
September 23rd.
Bradley decided to celebrate her 30th birthday at her apartment. She only invited Stella, Mia, Daniel, her new friend from the bar and, Esteban, the Uber driver that drove her to and from Laura's house that fateful night. They were an odd group for sure. Like the toys from the Island of Misfit Toys. However, it seemed to work. They were having fun. At least it seemed like they were having fun when Bradley wasn't crying.
The pain from hers and Laura's breakup was still too fresh. Bradley had, of course, quit her job through email as soon as she got home from Laura's after things went to hell. She didn't even go to pick up her stuff, she sent Stella and Mia instead. Funny how Laura refused to meet them and ended up meeting them anyway.
"You'll be alright. You'll get over her eventually," Daniel said, sipping on his beer. "Now cheer up! It's your thirtieth birthday! You're entering the best decade of them all!"
Bradley half-smiled. She would get over Laura eventually ? No, this was the kind of heartbreak time could never mend. Sure, she might be able to date other people in the future and maybe even fall in love again but, she would never be over Laura Peterson.
"Let's cheer to being thirty, flirty and thriving!" Mia said, quoting a classic millennial move.
A couple of hours later, there was a knock on the door. Bradley wasn't expecting anyone else. Could it be? No, no way.
It's a cruel summer with you.
Mia opened the door, and it was a delivery. A beautiful flower arrangement with a card. Bradley grabbed the card and excused herself. She wanted to read the card by herself.
B,
Happy birthday! I am sorry for that night. You deserved much better.
I hope your day was as beautiful as you. Welcome to your 30s!
Love,
yes,
love,
L
Bradley closed the card and hugged it close to her chest, tears once again rolling down her face.