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Megumi knew from a young age he was not meant to be loved. There was something inherently wrong with him, preventing him from receiving the one thing that everyone around him had. It had never hurt persay. How could you miss something you never had? Someone who has never seen snow cannot miss the way the white flakes fall from the evening sky.
People would say they loved him, not all the time, but enough to feel normal. Gojo would say it after dropping Megumi off for class. Maki would say in under her breath after a long night of ranting about her family. Even Toge would sign it to Megumi when the latter had a bad day. But, it never felt like love. It felt more like an obligation.
Gojo had to love Megumi. They lived together. Maki had to love Megumi. They were related. Toge had to love Megumi. It would be awkward for their friend group if he didn’t.
After getting to college, Megumi thought he had finally found someone to love him for the sake of loving him. Itadori Yuuji. His roommate. The guy who introduced himself with a hug. Who smelt like fresh pine. Who’s smile always reached his eyes. The one who hung the stars for Megumi.
Yuuji forced himself into Megumi’s life. For every moment that Megumi wanted to wall up into himself, Yuuji found a way in. Whether it was to watch the new horror movie (low budget and terrible script are a must) or just going to the dining hall, they did everything together. ‘This must be what love is,’ Megumi would think to himself while letting Yuuji sleep on his shoulder.
So, for two years, Megumi loved Yuuji. He loved him with his full heart. He would always say yes to whatever plans Yuuji made. He would try the weird dishes at whatever restaurant they went to. He went to loud parties with too many people. He would drop everything just to spend time with Yuuji.
But, the thing about loving someone with your full heart is, they never tell you what you lose. Megumi lost a lot of things when falling for Yuuji, and the biggest one was his sense of self. He could no longer go to the store without wanting his roommate’s prescenes. He would start to get overwhelmed at the sight of all the options. It felt as if Yuuji would leave at the smallest sign of imperfection from Megumi. So, Megumi strived to be perfect.
He would rush back to their room after classes, wanting to be there if Yuuji came home and wanted to hang out. He memorized Yuuji’s favorite snacks and always had a box hidden in his dresser in case Yuuji looked dejected while working on something. When Yuuji would go out with friends, Megumi would say he was going out too, but he would end up circling the block and going back to wait for Yuuji to return. Over summers and breaks, Megumi would be glued to his phone, constantly refreshing the screen to see if Yuuji had sent him a text. His phone stayed attached to his hand, even when Gojo would ask him to put it away or tease him about his little crush.
Megumi wanted so hard to be loved back.
The first time they kissed felt like a dream. It was their second year in December. Yuuji was holding Megumi after a long movie marathon with wine coolers they had bought from the store, and with a hazy look in his eyes, Yuuji leaned over to kiss him. It felt weird at first. Megumi had never kissed another person, but he knew he should like it. It was Yuuji after all. And after a couple minutes of making out, Megumi could feel his nerves getting to him. You are doing it wrong. He can tell you don’t know what you are doing. Megumi tried to push those thoughts down and continue to be into it. In the end, Yuuji was the first to pull away, leaning his head on Megumi’s chest and whispering, “You’re my best friend.”
Dating Yuuji was a lot like not dating Yuuji. Well, Megumi assumed they were dating. They had kissed after all. They would go out, just the two of them to Yuuji’s favorite places. During the week, Megumi would come home and wait for Yuuji to arrive. Yuuji would walk in, and start telling him about his day. A lot of the time, Yuuji would end up leaving, saying that his other friend, Junpei, needed help with a class. And with that, Megumi was alone again.
In his free time, Megumi started reading romance books. He knew they were exaggerated, yet they gave him something he never understood: freedom. The heroines would be unbrashfully in love with their partners and receive an equal love back. Even when there was angst, a happy ending always prevailed. Megumi saw himself more and more as the protagonist in his own romance book, finally feeling how everyone around him felt, yet something was off.
While most people call the beginning of a new relationship the “honeymoon period,” Megumi felt more anxious than ever. Nobara called him out on it. She would see how his hands shook whenever he was waiting for one of his classes to end. How he would jump at the slightest touch. How he was constantly checking his phone. She stopped Megumi one day and asked what was wrong, but he just brushed her off. It was just some seasonal depression. Nothing to worry about.
It finally cracked when Megumi met Junpei. They were at a small holiday party hosted by Nobara. Yuuji had been so happy to go and introduce Megumi to all his other friends, and since Yuuji was happy, Megumi was as well. As soon as they entered the apartment, Megumi could tell something was off. A quiet kid who he had never seen before sat on the couch, talking to Maki. Yuuji immediately dropped Megumi’s hand and rushed over to said kid. He jumped onto the couch, spilling Junpei’s drink, and hugged the boy. Megumi could feel the nerves rising up. Yuuji never greeted him like that. He barely touched him besides when they were watching movies.
Yuuji waved Megumi over like he had not just committed a cardinal sin of dating. He had his arm slung around Junpei and introduced the two. “This is my roommate. Megumi, meet my friend, Junpei.” His roommate. Just his roommate. As he looked at Junpei, he recognized the look in his eyes. It was the same look he gave Yuuji. It was filled with the same amount of love and adoration that Megumi worked so hard to craft. But, it felt authentic. As he turned to look at Yuuji, the same look was plastered on his face.
Megumi nodded before going off to find Nobara. She was talking with a group of people in the kitchen, but when she saw Megumi through the entry way with a look of pure terror on his face, she was excusing herself and ushering him into her room.
He cried. He had never cried that much before. Nobara rubbed his back and let him ruin one of her pillows. Every couple of minutes, he would try to collect himself and tell her to go back out to the party. Her eyes. Her eyes were filled with so much pity. It made Megumi feel so small and powerless that he would be brought back into a state of inconsolable sorrow that he would shove his face back into her pillow. At least then, he would not have to look at her.
In the darkness, he could imagine himself as someone else. Or, someone better. Someone like the protagonists in one of his books. Someone who could make Yuuji smile like that. Someone who could make anyone look at him like that. Someone who people would depend on. Need. Maybe one day love. But at the moment, he was nothing more than Megumi.
Around midnight, the two heard the last of the guests begin to trickle out of the apartment. Nobara gave Megumi the all clear that Yuuji was definitely gone and offered to let him stay the night. He declined. All he wanted was to get home and shower. She nodded and gave him a tight hug before he left. She whispered that she loved him. Liar .
Megumi should have stayed with Nobara. The pain he felt from not knowing if his not-boyfriend, boyfriend was in love with his best friend was miniscule compared to walking up to his door to the sounds of sex on the other side. The consistent thumping mixed with the hushed moans said it all.
Gojo was not ready for a call at 1 AM from Megumi. Before he could ask what was going on, Megumi’s sobs filtered through the phone. He was out of his bed and into his car, asking for an address. As he approached Megumi’s dormitory, he saw a small blob on the sidewalk, and immediately recognized it as his son. Silent tears ran down Megumi’s face as he got into his guardian’s car.
“Please get me away from here.”
He dropped out after that. Told Gojo that he wanted to transfer somewhere far away from Tokyo. Anywhere but the place that reminded him of Yuuji at every corner.
His guardian did not fully understand what happened, but he supported his adoptive son. Together, they found a smaller school in the north where Megumi could transfer to. Megumi always liked that about Gojo. He never questioned his intentions and tried to give him as much as he could. It felt nice. It felt warm. It felt wrong.
—
Moving meant starting over. It meant bringing all your baggage into a new place with the intention of changing, only to end up with the same mess. Megumi learned that the hard way. Having lived in the Gojo manor for most of his conscious life, he never really had to think about what he needed and did not. Frantically packing up his dorm room while Yuuji was in class led to him not labeling things properly, thus having a pile of garbage in the same box as his jeans and his laptop.
As Megumi unpacked into his new apartment, his neighbor knocked on the open door. When Megumi turned to see who it was, he was in awe. A man who looked exactly like his failed love stood in the doorway, but his aura was different. While Yuuji felt warm and welcoming, this man oozed an unapproachable energy. He smiled when he saw Megumi.
Sukuna. Ryomen Sukuna. He lived next door. He wore muscle tanks and gray sweatpants in the morning and business suits at night. He would wear his hair up, showing off his face tattoos. He had two small scars under his eyes that you would only notice if you stared for long enough. And, Megumi stared.
He offered to help Megumi carry the rest of his boxes upstairs. From there, the two would talk. Not with words, but with actions and gestures. Megumi would motion where to drop off the boxes while Sukuna would not question why a box labeled ‘Bathroom’ was going to the kitchen. As the sun set, the two drank cheap beers from the corner store and watched some videos on Sukuna’s laptop.
Megumi swore to not fall in love with Sukuna. He knew it would be easy for the other to not fall in love with him. Why would someone want a broken person? Someone who could not hold a conversation without drifting off. Someone who would cry at the slightest mistake. Someone like Megumi.
At first, it was easy. Megumi would go to class, go to work at the local animal shelter, and then come home. He would wave to Sukuna in the hallway, often leaving his apartment when Megumi was coming home. But, nothing more happened. He looked too much like Yuuji. Like a constant reminder of what Megumi ran away from.
It was not until Nobara and Maki tried to visit that Megumi broke again. The two had been texting him, demanding to come see his new place for weeks. He tried to ration with them that the drive was too long. It was out of their way. But, they persisted. Megumi kept saying no until they told him that Toge would be with them.
Toge had left to study abroad after their last year. He went to America with his boyfriend, Yuuta, to study communications, out of all things. When he first left, Megumi would try to video call him once a week, but after long periods of radio silence, Megumi figured that his silent friend found a new person to chat to. It had hurt at first, losing your best friend since childhood, but everyone else said it was part of growing up. Now, the most interactions they had were liking each other’s Instagram posts.
The crew had arrived on a Thursday evening in February. It was just the three of them. When Megumi opened the door and saw his friends, he realized how lonely he truly was. Nobara went in first for a hug, which he accepted. Maki patted him on the head. And finally, Toge wrapped his arms around Megumi’s back, sandwiching him between the two. He felt the tears well up in the corners of his eyes and tried to push them down, but a couple still fell.
Maybe this was the love he missed out on. The comfort of his friends after weeks of not talking. They still wanted to see him, even after he pushed them out.
After a few seconds, they all parted and wandered into Megumi’s place. It was not much. A simple one bedroom studio near campus. Gojo wanted to go all out and get Megumi a penthouse suite, but Megumi begged for something simple. Something average that made him feel normal. He had a couple of pictures on the wall of his friends, a few bookshelves with his novels on them, and just enough clutter for it to feel lived in. For it to look like he was not wallowing away.
Nobara was the first to try to catch Megumi up on the gossip from back home. Her favorite store had closed, forcing her to find a new place that sold knockoff luxury goods. Maki had started teaching a local kickboxing class. The only downside was that it started at 5 in the morning. Toge had the most to say. He signed about his time in America, living with Yuuta full time while attending classes, and how he missed them. None of them mentioned Yuuji, which Megumi was grateful for. He knew that Nobara and Maki still hung out with him, evident from their Instagram stories, but they knew better than to bring it up.
After a while of just chatting, Nobara demanded that they go to Megumi’s favorite restaurant in the city. He did not want to tell them that he just orders takeout or eats frozen meals from the corner store, so he said sure.
While they were walking out of the apartment, Sukuna was also leaving his place. His eyes widened at the sight of Megumi with other people. That was new to him. He yelled out to his neighbor and walked over. Megumi smiled and introduced him to his friends. He then turned to Sukuna and asked about the restaurant they went to a couple weeks ago. Sukuna was confused at first. They have never gone out. As he opened his mouth to question the man, Megumi looked at him with a hint of panic.
“Oh, that place. Let me take you. It is kind of a confusing walk.” And so, Sukuna joined the rag-tag group of friends, leading them to a hole in the wall just a few blocks away. The girls wanted to question the man with face tattoos who looked too much like Yuuji that Megumi was now friends with, but any comments they wanted to make would not come out until much later in the night.
Dinner went fine. Sukuna knew the owners and was able to get the group fairly quickly. The wait staff treated Sukuna like he was some sort of celebrity, refilling his glass after one sip and asking if they could do anything to help him. Megumi paid no mind to it. There were not a lot of people at the place to begin with. Nobara was not complaining, ordering plate after plate of random dishes on the menu, only stopping when Maki told her that she was going to swell up like a pig if she kept ordering things. Toge observed everyone, occasionally signing to Megumi about how classes were going and such. When it was time for the bill, Megumi went to signal for separate checks, but Sukuna pulled out his card before he could say anything. “A gift from a friend.”
As they left, Sukuna bid the group farewell. He told Megumi that he would talk to him soon before disappearing into the crowded street. The friends were a decent distance away when Nobara started bombarding Megumi with questions. He tried to answer the best that he could, but in all honesty, Megumi knew as much about his neighbor as they did. She eventually dropped it. Mostly because Megumi’s answers grew less and less detailed as she asked more specific questions.
When it was finally time to sleep, the girls claimed the pull out couch while Toge slunk off into the bedroom with Megumi. Once the door closed, Toge changed into his night-time clothes and laid in Megumi’s bed. “Like old times,” he signed.
As they got into bed together, Toge began whispering to Megumi. As a child, Toge had to have surgery on his vocal cords, causing it to hurt whenever he spoke. He hated his voice. It had gotten scratchier and scratchier as he continued to not use it. It was only when the two of them were alone that Toge felt comfortable talking to Megumi. He reached out for Megumi’s hand and held it in his smaller one.
“ I heard about Yuuji. I wish I could have been here to help.”
“ It’s okay. It’s part of growing up, right.”
“That doesn’t mean it can’t suck.”
Megumi nodded at that. “Tell me about Yuuta.” With that, Toge smiled. A flush spread across his cheeks as he described how caring his boyfriend was. How he helped Toge get accommodations in classes. How he would order for him at restaurants. How on bad days, he would just sit and let Toge type out all of his feelings and read them before responding. Mostly, Toge felt seen by someone in a way that no one had ever seen him.
At the end of his rambling, Toge began to cough, and Megumi pulled out a bottle of water he kept by his bed. Megumi watched his friend gulp down an entire bottle of water before trying to continue talking about Yuuta. Megumi told him that they can wait until tomorrow. Toge smiled and before turning around to fall asleep.
Megumi wondered if anyone had ever talked about him the way Toge talked about Yuuta. With a look of pure happiness in their eyes. Even when talking about the fights that they had, the joy never left his eyes. Toge wanted to tell Megumi everything about his lover, down to what they had shared for breakfast before Toge left to visit. It pained Toge to speak, but he would suffer just to tell someone about how Yuuta holds his hand during a sad part of a movie or whispers the dirtiest things when they fuck.
Most people get something out of their first love. A first kiss, a first time, a first something. But all Megumi got was the heartache. The tears that wanted to fall when he first saw his friends began to trickle down his cheeks. He was not sad about losing Yuuji anymore. He was jealous that he would never feel the same as his friends. That he could not feel the spark that Toge described. That he could not walk side-by-side with a person that loved him more than anything in the world down a busy street. That he could not offer more than what he had.
In a romance novel, this is where the protagonist would start. Heartbroken. Alone. In a new place. But, Megumi was not the protagonist in this story. He felt destined to be a supporting character to his friends’ great love stories. And, at that realization, he felt content. As tears created little streams down his cheeks, he felt content. As he closed his eyes and fell into a moment of peace, he felt content.
—
Being alone never bothered Megumi. His friends left after the weekend with promises of calls and visits, but just like anyone else, they got busy. It takes effort to see someone who is not just a quick walk away or that you already see every day. Megumi does not blame them. He reaches out as much as they do.
Sukuna started becoming a more consistent person in his life. His neighbor would stop by before leaving for the night, checking to make sure Megumi had eaten something that day or asking about classes. Whenever Megumi would go to ask him about his day, Sukuna would say he was going to be late to work and leave.
Megumi did not know his job, but from the looks of things, Sukuna was not struggling for cash. He wore a different suit every evening, but it looks like they were color coded by the day of the week. Megumi liked Wednesday’s the best. The maroon of Sukuna’s dress shirt brought out the red specks in his eyes while the black jacket was tailored to hit Sukuna at the right angles.
It was about a month after dinner with Megumi’s friends that someone knocked at his front door. It was too early to be Sukuna, who would come over exactly at 6 every night. Megumi should not have even been home at this time. The shelter sent him home early to study for midterms. Was he doing that? No. But, they did not need to know.
The man at his front door was tall. Looming even. He had long black hair and wore a yukata of all things. But, the most unsettling thing about his visitor was the long scar across his forehead that matched his stretched out smile.
“Fushiguro Megumi?” He asked. It did not feel like a question at the moment. It felt like a statement. Megumi nodded at his name. “My, my. How you've grown. I have some questions about your father.”
His father? How does this man know Gojo? Well, everyone knew Gojo, but not everyone knew Megumi. And there was not a lot of overlap between the two.
“If you want to talk to Gojo, he is in Tokyo. Have a good night.” Megumi tried to close the door, but the tall man shoved his foot in the doorway.
He laughed. It was not comforting or welcoming. It was mocking. “No. Your father. Fushiguro Toji. I used to work with him.He has a lot of debt that has not been collected. Maybe you know something about that.”
Fushiguro Toji. That was a name Megumi thought he would never hear again. He was the person Megumi learned about love from. His dad. The person that the books said was always going to love him. The man who promised to protect him no matter what. The man who left him without saying goodbye.
When Megumi was six, Toji was supposed to pick him up from school. Gojo, who was Toji’s boyfriend at the time, would always work until the evening while Toji’s job did not start until Megumi was in bed. One day, Toji did not come. Megumi watched all the other kids leave the classroom with their parents while he continued to color a picture of the dog he was going to ask for when he got home. His teacher sat with him until it got dark, which is when she left the room to make a phone call.
He was working on a drawing of their family when Gojo rushed in. Megumi was less shocked that it was not Toji at the door, but that Gojo was not wearing his signature glasses. His blue eyes were glassy and puffy as he crouched down to Megumi’s level. He tried to smile, but Megumi could tell that it was fake. As they drove home, Gojo stopped at some fast food place and got them dinner.
When they got home, Megumi finally asked where his dad was. “A surprise business trip, but don’t worry. That just means we get to have fun until he gets back.” For two weeks, they ate nothing but fast food and take out. Gojo would struggle to get Megumi ready for school in the morning, but he was always on time to pick him up. His youthful appearance started to look more and more tired as the weeks went on.
Gojo would curse Toji out when he thought Megumi was asleep. He would yell into his phone in the dead of night for the man to come back. He would say that Toji was a piece of trash undeserving of anyone’s love. That he could go rot in hell for all he cared. Afterwards, Gojo would always go to Megumi’s room and lay on the floor beside his bed.
It went on like that for a year. One night after Gojo laid down on the floor, Megumi leaned over his mattress and whispered, “You know, you can come up here with me.” Gojo had shot up at the 7 year old’s voice.
Once in the twin sized bed, Gojo said,“We are going to get through this. I promise.” They later moved out of the apartment that Toji and Gojo had shared and into a bigger place closer to Gojo’s job. Megumi had to switch schools, but he ended up being okay with it since he got to meet Toge and Maki. As the years went by, Fushiguro Toji became a faint memory to both his son and his former lover. A scar that healed long ago.
“I do not know a Fushiguro Toji. Please leave” Megumi said, trying to close the door again.
“You do not know the man that you share blood with. How sad. Come on, let me introduce myself.” The man was persistent, that’s for sure.
“He said leave, Suguru.” A voice from down the hall yelled. The sound caught the man– Suguru?-- off guard enough for Megumi to slam the door shut. He heard some muffled talking from the hallway before someone left. He waited for a moment, before cracking the door open again. Sukuna stood in his doorway with his hand raised, ready to knock. He was in his work clothes and had a confused look on his face.
“May I come in? I think we might need to talk.” So, Megumi let him in. He could feel his neighbor’s eyes sizing him up as they walked to the living room. They sat at his couch in silence before Megumi stood up and started making some tea.
“Who was that?” Megumi asked from the kitchen while filling up the kettle with water. It felt more robotic than anything. What did Toji do?
“Suguru Geto. We technically work together, but he creeps me the fuck out so I tend to stay away from him. I told him to leave and we would talk when the boss was around.” Sukuna answered. He was turned around on the couch, still watching Megumi with an intense look in his eyes. Megumi felt more and more scrutinized as he moved the kettle onto the stove.
“I never knew Toji had a son. But damn, now that I think about it, you do look the same”, Sukuna said from the living room. Megumi stayed silent in the kitchen, waiting for his kettle to boil. “He was a big guy when I started working at the club. Would always come in right when we opened and ask to speak to the boss. I heard he pissed the wrong people off and disappeared a few years back.” Sukuna was moving closer to the kitchen, but Megumi’s eyes never left the kettle. “He didn’t piss me off though. He tipped well, so I covered for him.” As Sukuna made it to the stove, the kettle started to whistle.
“What kind of tea would you like?” Megumi said, ignoring how close his neighbor has gotten to him.
“Whatever you have is fine.” Megumi lifted the kettle off the stove but did not move. Sukuna noticed the small tremors shaking the other man’s arm. He reached out and placed his hand over the one holding the kettle. “Careful now. Don’t want to hurt yourself.”
Sukuna noticed that Megumi had stilled since he put his hand on the kettle. He slowly moved the other away from the stove and poured out the boiling water down the sink. Megumi felt more like a doll in these moments. He always looked like one with fragile, green eyes on the verge of cracking at any moment. Sukuna guided him onto the couch and sat beside him, not letting go at any step.
“He was a good man. Not a great one. He would talk to me about you. Said I was about your age and that he wanted to see his blessing when it was all over.” Megumi continued to stare out into nothing. It made Sukuna nervous. He had seen people on drugs before, on other planets mentally but in back alleys physically. He had seen his own brother get lost in his thoughts on bad days. He himself has had days where he could not speak after witnessing some traumatic shit the night before. But, never like this.
After a few minutes of silence, Megumi inhaled deeply before finally moving his head slightly. “Okay then.” Megumi turned to face Sukuna, hands still attached. “Where is he now?”
“Do you really want to know?” Followed by a firm nod. “Like I said, he pissed a lot of people off, including the boss. They told me one night after a late shift to take out the trash, and as soon as I picked up the bag, I knew it was him. I remembered there was a spot outside of town that he would go to when he wanted to think.” Another nod.
“Please take me there.”
And, they left. They drove in silence. The sun was starting to set as Sukuna pulled up to a cliffside clearing. A small tree stuck out of the ground in the middle of it. Sukuna turned off the car and escorted Megumi to the marker.
Megumi could not tell if he was crying due to sadness or anger. Fushiguro Toji was dead. Had been for years. Megumi could never show him how he had grown up. Never tell him about how he was a better person than he could ever be. Never reconcile after Toji would attempt to rebuild their relationship. Never love him while he was breathing.
His sobs turned into wails, which turned into beating the ground with all his strength, which turned into a pause that ended with Megumi’s back on his father’s grave, looking up at Sukuna’s softened face. A man who was all angles had grown soft for Megumi’s sorrow. Megumi’s eyes shifted away from Sukuna and onto the growing darkness in the sky. He patted the ground beside him, and Sukuna laid down beside him.
They watched the stars slowly dot the sky. End of winter skies were always Megumi’s favorite. No bugs. No clouds. Just him and the stars.
“Sometimes, I want to shove a knife into my stomach and see how long it will take me to bleed out. Then, I want to count how long it would take anyone to notice that I was dead. Or, if I somehow lived but was in a coma, how long would it take them to visit me? How long they would stay by my side before pulling the plug. I don’t want them to be sad though. That’s why I don’t do it.” Megumi spoke like he was alone. Like Sukuna was not a mere stretch away.
“I also wonder if I was meant to be loved. People say that they love me. But in the deepest parts of my soul, I cannot feel it. I’ve never felt the love that my friends feel for their lovers. I thought I had, but I haven’t. That was an obsession. I want someone to want me with the same intensity as hunger for food. I know that is unhealthy. That would also be an obsession. But, just once, I want to know what it feels like to be the object of desire. The magnum opus of someone’s love life.”
Sukuna sat with Megumi’s thoughts. As Megumi grew more uncomfortable with the silence, Sukuna stopped him from moving. He reached out for his hand and grasped it tighter than anyone had ever before. “Give me a moment. I want to give you a good response.” So, Megumi waited.
The moon had reached its peak in the sky before Sukuna responded. “I have never loved anyone the way you describe it. I have never wanted to see someone’s reaction to losing me. I have never put others' views on myself above my own. I have had obsessions and addictions, and they are not pretty or romantic as the ones you talk about. They hurt, and they made me suffer. But, for you, I would be willing to give it a try.”
Megumi turned his head to face Sukuna. “Be my magnum opus. Be my object of desire. Be mine, Fushiguro Megumi.”
—
Loving Sukuna was not like loving anyone else. It was easy at times, but it never stayed that way. If everyone before him was a hill Megumi had to climb, Sukuna was Mt Fuji. Megumi knew next to nothing about the man before agreeing to be his. They learned more about each other in the first few weeks that Megumi had known about his closest friends.
Sukuna liked to wake up early, even though he worked the night shift as a bartender at a nearby club. He would compensate by taking a nap in the middle of the day. He would brush his teeth for the full 2 minutes, day and night, and he flossed regularly. He knew how to cook, but only large portions meant to serve 8 people rather than just them. He was really into vinyl. Like every record is kept in an extra sleeve, and he would rearrange his collection weekly. He would also empty his pockets on the dining room table whenever he got home at night and shuffle through it in the morning. This led to a collection of small pieces of trash accumulating under Megumi’s dining table as well.
Megumi also learned more about himself. He liked to sleep on the right side of the bed, facing the center, but only when Sukuna was on the left side of the bed. Megumi took short showers in the morning and long ones at night. He was not good at cooking rice, but he was good at boiling the water. He shed. Like a lot more than he thought. Enough for Sukuna to vacuum the apartment once a week. He struggled when asking for things, even something as simple as a different brand of milk. He would snap his fingers when he was trying to remember something for his homework. He paced when he called Gojo, not in a nervous manner, but like they were walking and talking together.
Megumi also began to go to therapy, where he had to unlearn everything his brain was telling him was the truth. Sukuna would try to pick him up after every session and ask him about them, and on the days when he wasn’t able to, Sukuna made sure to ask about it the next time they saw each other. He would make references to things Megumi said in passing and would write big things down in his notes app, such as Megumi’s birthday or favorite fruit.
His romance book collection had tripled in size ever since Sukuna found out about it. He would buy the cheesiest book he could find on his way to work and give it to Megumi as a gift every two days. There were some repeats, but Megumi still read them with the same fervor. He would give a mini-book report after finishing each one and show Sukuna his favorite parts that were highlighted and tabbed. Sukuna would ask questions, not in a degrading way but in an actually interested way.
They had their fair share of fights as well. It would always end with the two sleeping in their respective apartments for a night or two before agreeing to talk it out over dinner. It never felt like Megumi was wrong for feeling mad, or that he was invalid. Nearly every time was a miscommunication by one of them that just needed to be explained better.
Sukuna did not kiss Megumi for the first two months of their relationship. They would hold hands, go on dates, and sleep next to each other, but they never kissed. Megumi finally asked why, and Sukuna simply said he was waiting for Megumi to ask for it. After that, they kissed twice as much as the average couple. “Making up for lost time,” Megumi would say.
Kissing Sukuna began to ground Megumi when he would feel overwhelmed. He would stop whatever was stressing him out and find the other man just to kiss him. He felt needy at first, but then, Sukuna started doing the same thing. When he would knock on the other’s door after work, Megumi would greet him, having just woken up, and Sukuna would kiss him and tell him that he looked beautiful.
The first time they attempted to have sex, Megumi had a panic attack. Everything was going great until it came to being naked in front of Sukuna, who looked like a god from working out nearly every day. How could he compare to that when he looked like a sickly person with his translucent skin and soft body? Sukuna reassured him that it was okay to be nervous, but they ended up curled on the bed with Megumi hyperventilating in his boxers. He was apologizing and crying while Sukuna kissed his hair and just held him.
The second time went smoother. It had been a month later on a random Saturday afternoon. Sukuna had the weekend off for once, and Megumi was done with the semester. They were watching some documentary on cults when Megumi looked over at Sukuna. He was in his comfy clothes of an old tee shirt and his ratty sweatpants. Megumi sat curled into his side while wearing one of Sukuna’s undershirts and some gym shorts. The two agreed a lazy day was needed after a stressful week.
They talked a lot about how to make Megumi feel more comfortable with sex. Together with his therapist, Megumi was able to understand why he started to freak out and how to calm himself before another attack could happen. Sukuna had even recommended a couple videos and creators for Megumi to watch in order to learn more about the logistical side of the process.
“Some people work better with a visual aid,” he had said in an ever so casual manner. It was not like he just gave his boyfriend a shared drive of porn and his login info to OnlyFans. In the end, Megumi did appreciate it.
“It will happen when it happens,” Sukuna said one night. “Just know, I care for you and will wait until you are ready.” He ended the conversation with a soft kiss on Megumi’s forehead.
Now, Megumi had watched all the videos, some more than once. He also ended up direct messaging some of the creators that Sukuna recommended, who surprisingly responded with their best advice. After a week of hyping himself up and calming himself back down, Megumi felt ready. Even though Sukuna told him that he was okay with waiting, Megumi started to feel the urge as he looked up at his boyfriend during the credits of the documentary. His boyfriend who promised to love him with everything he had. Who made him feel safe. Who needed to have his dick sucked at that very moment.
Sukuna watched in confusion as his boyfriend squirmed off the couch and onto the floor, grabbing at his sweatpants. He quickly got the message and pulled his soft cock out. Megumi had never seen another cock in person before, and he was not disappointed. It looked bigger than his, both in length and girth, and it had a slight curve to the left. Megumi leaned forward and licked the head of it. Usually, blowjobs he reads about start out like that. Sukuna threw his head back in a moan. Megumi took that as a yes, so he kept giving kitten licks to the head of Sukuna’s cock.
When that started to feel repetitive, he moved onto licking the sides. He looked for a vein and found one along the underside. Sukuna grabbed his hair after he took a pass at that.
“You are gonna kill me.”
Megumi just smiled and kept to his ministrations. Once it felt like Sukuna was fully hard, Megumi tried putting the tip in his mouth. He knew to hide his teeth and breath from his nose, but no amount of research could prepare him for the actual feeling of a cock in his mouth. It felt heavy against his tongue and oddly warm. Sukuna kept tugging at his hair and moaning. The usually talkative man was quieter than Megumi expected, only letting out an occasional “Oh fuck,” or “Keep going”. As Megumi started to slide his mouth past the head, Sukuna’s grip on his hair tightened, giving Megumi the confidence to take more into his mouth.
At about the halfway mark, Megumi started to choke. Sukuna yanked his head off his cock at the first cough. “Gag reflex babe. Take your time.” Megumi caught his breath before trying again. He looked up at Sukuna while taking him down his throat and was caught off guard. While previously Sukuna had his head tipped back with his eyes closed, he was now watching Megumi intently. His fingers no longer held his hair in a death grip, but instead, they wandered down from his head onto his cheeks.
“You are doing so well. I never knew how pretty you would look with my cock in your mouth. I kind of want to frame it and hang it in the hallway so everyone can see how pretty you look.” Megumi knew Sukuna could say some filthy things (having heard him improvise extra scenes in whatever book Megumi was reading), but he never thought he would hear those comments directed at him. His own cock started to fill out at the praise, but he needed to focus on the task at hand.
Megumi continued bobbing his head and developed a rhythm. Occasionally, he would pop off the shaft and move back to licking the sides he could not reach. After a couple minutes of switching between the two, Megumi went back to focusing on the head. Sukuna’s fingers tightened in Megumi’s hair, and his back arched off the couch. “Coming,” he let out, but his load had already hit the back of Megumi’s throat before either could do anything.
No one really talks about what you are supposed to do in the seconds after a blow job. A preference of spitting or swallowing never crossed Megumi’s mind. In most of the books he read or porn he watched, they would either give the person a facial, or it would magically disappear. Actually having a mouth full of cum felt odd at first but not unpleasant. To him, it was a sign that he did a good job.
Sukuna finished his orgasm and pulled Megumi off his cock. Cum started to leak out of the other’s mouth as he tried to hold it in. Before Sukuna could offer a glass to spit it out in, Megumi swallowed it. Sukuna looked at him with amazement before pulling him onto his lap.
“First off, hot. Second off, what brought this on?” he asked while nuzzling into the crook of Megumi’s neck.
“I don’t know. I just looked at you and felt ready to suck your dick”, Megumi shrugged. He was still tasting the leftover cum in his mouth, which was a lot different than what he thought it would taste like.
Sukuna smiled at his boyfriend. “Well, it was very appreciated. Now, how about I take care of you?” he said while reaching his hand down the front of Megumi’s pants. Megumi yelped at the sudden contact and ended up moaning into Sukuna’s ear. His hand was larger than Megumi’s, and his fingers could wrap around his cock easily.
At that moment, Megumi felt so small, and it was turning him on more. Sukuna could tower over him and make him feel like the tiniest person in the world, even though they were around the same size. He wrapped his arms around Sukuna’s neck and pulled him in for a kiss. Their mouths interlocked, and Sukuna’s grip on Megumi’s cock tightened.
“Does it feel good baby?” Sukuna whispered in his ear as his strokes sped up. All Megumi could do was nod. It was almost overwhelming, but he felt too much pleasure to think about anything else. The larger man kept a steady pace and began to ramble into Megumi’s neck about how soft his skin was and how he was so proud of him.
At a certain point, Megumi began to feel the heat start to rise up in his stomach. He let out a loud moan and tried to silence himself by moving his head into the crook of Sukuna’s neck. His boyfriend stopped moving his hand and took the one that was caressing Megumi’s neck up into his hair. “Now, that wasn’t very nice. I was enjoying my show. Let me hear those pretty little moans of yours.”
Megumi arched his head back as Sukuna bit down on his neck and started moving his hand again. His boyfriend sucked on that spot for a few minutes while his free hand moved down to grab a fistful of Megumi’s ass. He lifted his head from Megumi’s neck and moved his lips back to his ear, tracing the way up with his tongue. “This is mine. One day, I am going to fuck you, and everyday afterwards, you will beg for me and my cock to just fill you up. Make you feel whole. Because from now on, you are mine and mine alone.”
Tears began to well up in Megumi’s eyes. The declaration made him feel so warm inside. The pressure in his lower abdomen grew as he leaned more into Sukuna.
“Cum for me baby. Just let go.”
And he did. Megumi came harder than he had ever before. No amount of masterbation had prepared him for this. He saw white for a couple seconds before his vision cleared. In front of him was a debauched Sukuna, licking what Megumi could only assume was his cum off his fingers. He looked like absolute sin, but there was something soft in his eyes. Love.
As they calmed down, Megumi flopped down beside Sukuna on the couch. Sukuna took his clean hand and grabbed Megumi’s, placing a gentle kiss on the top of his knuckles.
“Sorry if I got a little possessive at the end.” Megumi shook his head.
“I liked it,” he said. “I liked it a lot.” With that, Sukuna smiled and leaned in for a kiss. After they parted, Megumi still felt the same warmth in his chest that he felt earlier. But before he could say anything, Sukuna beat him to it.
“I think I am in love with you,” he whispered onto Megumi’s lips. Megumi felt the warmth spread to his cheeks. “Scratch that. I am in love with you. I love your smile when you think I am not watching. I love your cold feet that you put on my back in the middle of the night. I love your passion for your collection. I love your brain, no matter how much I want to yell at it for making you feel bad.” Megumi let out a small laugh at the last part.
“So, if you do ever stab yourself in the stomach, I will be the first to find you. I will hold your hand in the ambulance. The nurses will have to hold me back from going into the ER with you. When you are stable, I will sit by your bed as long as I can, every day if I can. Your dad will have to force me to go home to shower and shit before I come back to you. If you end up in a coma, I will still be there. I will take out as many loans as I can to keep you alive. I will read you every new installment from your favorite authors until you wake up and tell me to shut up. And if the doctors tell me there is no hope, and I should move on, I won’t. Because you are my greatest love, Fushiguro Megumi. You are my magnum opus.”
By the end of Sukuna’s speech, Megumi was crying. He leaned in and kissed his boyfriend, his lover. Their lips pushed against each other with a tenderness only matched by its passion. Sukuna lifted one of his hands and wiped the tears off of Megumi’s cheeks while they kissed.
Megumi was the first to pull away.
“ I love you more than I thought was possible. And every time that I thought I was in love before cannot compare to the love that I feel now. I thought I could study love and know it better than anyone else, and you have proved me wrong. I have grown to love you, but more importantly, I love the person I am when I am with you. I don’t want to hurt myself because doing that will inadvertently hurt you. I want to love you and learn how to love you better than yesterday. I will love you until I take my last breath because you are and will always be my greatest love.”
With his final declaration, Megumi resealed their lips together and finally felt a wave of calm that he has never felt before. What it feels like to be loved.