Chapter Text
Alina is wiser and more emotionally mature so she stays when the Darkling chooses Svetlana. She stays even though her fellow Grisha cast her aside and she’s alone again. This isn’t the first time she’s been ostracized and shunned, pushed aside for something better. Considering how often she’s experienced such treatment in her short life she’d hoped it wouldn’t hurt as much anymore but of course, she knew better than to hope. A lowly peasant orphan and a Shu no-less, had no business hoping.
But she’s accepted who she is and she works hard to command the light within herself. Even though it seems like her spirit wants to break, her light makes her feel the most complete she’s felt in her entire life and she knows she has everything she needs at the Little Palace at her disposal, has all the tools to learn everything she wants and needs about her light.
The only people who still acknowledge and talk to her are Botkin, Genya and Baghra (kind of). She understands Genya’s position. They talk everything out and the spying and what the Tsar does to her come to light. Alina knows not to trust the Tailor completely but she also knows the friendship they share is genuine and the Darkling doesn’t ask for updates on Alina anymore anyway.
Alina sees him and Svetlana kissing the night of the Fete and it breaks her heart all over again but as she goes outside for a walk to try to clear her mind, she runs into Mal and has a heart to heart with him explaining why they never got each other’s letters. She’s indignant when she learns about the Stag but makes Mal promise to do as the Darkling asks so he isn’t harmed.
The next day, she confronts the Darkling about the Stag and he tells her Svetlana is the better bet, that’s why he chose her . She doesn’t bother asking him why he had to be so cruel about it though. She’s an orphan; she’s used to being overlooked, forced to the sidelines to watch as the cute and pretty Ravkan-looking children were chosen to be loved, to have a family and home. She’s never been chosen by anyone, not even her best friend but she’s okay with that now because maybe she can choose herself for once.
The Tsar dies, the Darkling expands the fold into the West in “retribution”, he marries Svetlana, they become Tsar and Tsaritsa in a matter of months.
Alina is horrified at the expansion and signs up to serve in the field to get away from the Darkling, Svetlana and the Little Palace. Since she is no longer deemed “important” it’s approved. She ships out to Tsibeya right after the royal wedding and finds that the Grisha that have been in the field are not as petty and horrible to her like the ones at the Little Palace. She is still hesitant to fully let herself befriend anyone for a while though but she does quickly climb the ranks with her skills in strategy (from all the books the darkling assigned her before Svetlana arrived) and combat (especially combined with her summoning), her quick wit and hard work.
The longer she is out in the field the more she learns what it is to be Grisha, from her fellow soldiers, her fellow Ravkans and their neighbors in Fjerda and Shu Han. The first-hand prejudice of other Ravkans not just for being Shu but now for being Grisha, the pyres and Ice Court of Fjerda, the laboratories in Shu Han and the slave trade of the Kerch and the superstitions of the Wandering Isle, they all open her eyes and her heart to the Grisha cause.
With time, the ache in her heart subsides even though it never really goes away. She rarely thinks about her time at the Little Palace and all the pain, too busy sitting in debriefs, forming battle plans against Ravka’s enemies, training with her fellow First and Second Army soldiers, and rushing into skirmishes with the Shu or Fjerdan Armies.
The first couple years of the Black Tsar’s reign is unstable which is expected. A coup is a coup even if not officially. And Ravka is not ready for his rule even with the supposed Sun Saint as his Tsaritsa. So he doesn’t even realize his Alina (but only in his mind) is gone, not until he reads a request from one of his Grisha Colonels stationed in Tsemina to promote a Captain Alina Starkov to a Major rank in the upcoming annual Second Army Officer Ceremony.
His initial reaction is a mixture of a jolt near his chest, close to his heart and an uncomfortable swirling in his gut, feelings he forces down like he’s done for years now. Next, he feels shock; he was not even aware she had left the Little Palace, the little voice in his head reminding him of his cowardice of avoiding her at all costs after everything that happened which he conveniently suppresses as well. And finally he starts to feel anger; anger at his ignorance at her absence, his own neglect toward her and anger at whoever approved his Sun Summoner’s deployment from the sanctuary he built for her safety.
He sends for her immediate return to the Little Palace even though the ceremony isn’t for another two months. To his chagrin she doesn’t arrive at the Little Palace until seven weeks later, even though the distance between Tsemina and Os Alta is only five days.
The girl, or rather woman, standing at attention in his office looks exactly like the Alina Starkov he first met in his tent in Kirbrisk from what feels like so long ago now, but at the same time she looks completely different; she stands taller now, more confidently, face impassive, her once open expression seemingly gone, her braided hair is wind-swept, slightly falling apart, strands of her shiny dark brown hair hang loosely, some sticking to the sweat on her forehead and neck, his hands itching to tuck them behind her ear so he could see her face more clearly. Her cerulean blue kefta, missing any distinguishing embroidery, is dusty and her boots are caked in mud. He thinks she’s the most beautiful thing he’s ever laid his eyes on.
She’s not looking at him but staring straight ahead, her breathing calm, there’s no tension in the air as he expected besides from the tension coming from himself. This is what causes the feeling in his chest to slowly start blooming once more. That is until he has her take a seat and they finally start talking to one another. She debriefs him on the ongoing border wars with Shu Han where she was last stationed, they talk about the plight of Grisha, war strategy, the battles she’s fought in and led, her rapid rise in rank, her experiences on the front, her fellow soldiers, topics that are appropriate between a soldier and their superior. The moment their conversation ends and she walks out the door without a backward glance as if he means nothing to her, he feels his stomach drop and an ache in his heart he hasn’t felt in centuries.
The worst part was over. She saw and spoke to him and now she could relax. She needed to shower, to get all the dirt and smell of horse off her, to finally sleep and enjoy her few days off before going back to the front.