Chapter Text
Kakashi stared at the still lifeless bodies that was once Kushina and Minato. The closest thing to parents he had in over ten years, gone because of the god damn kyubbi.
All that was left of the three, the two heroes and the demon, was a small baby, barely born into this world, sobbing into the open air. Kakashi crumbled to his knees in front of the crib, pushing away some of the candles. He picked up the baby, ‘Naruto’ he think he remembers. Yeah. ‘Naruto’. It was the name of the protagonist of Jiraya-san’s book. They had it picked out long before this day.
Kakashi sniffled, picked up Naruto, and held him ever so carefully, his cries calming immediately. Kakashi rocked him and the baby, the former being brought to tears as the latter calmed down. He stared at the darkened sky, a choked and ugly sob coming from the very core of his being, his lungs shaking with the effort of the small task of breathing, his eyes burned, his mask was soaked, and he didn’t know what to do other than hold Naruto in his arms. Naruto had somehow managed to fall asleep through Kakashi’s sobbing, which Kakashi was thankful for.
He weeped. It was open, it was ugly, it was every emotion Kakashi hated showing because emotions meant weakness, meant distraction.
But right now, Minato was gone.
Kushina was gone.
Obito was gone.
Rin was gone.
And his father was gone.
All that was left of his precious people was the small bundle in his arms, with a mop of golden hair and whisker marks on his cheeks.
By the time Kakashi had calmed himself, his lungs finally inflating again, the Sandaime Hokage had appeared at the scene, assessing the damage. It had been extensional, but it was damage that wasn’t done to the main village.
“Kakashi.” Hiruzen had said, starring down at Kakashi.
“Yes, Hokage-sama?”
Hiruzen sighed. “Hand over the child, Kakashi.”
“But-“
“No.”
“He has no one, sir. He’ll be alone.” Kakashi argued against the Hokage for the first time in his life.
“Kakashi, you are fourteen. He needs adult to look after him. He’ll be fine in an orphanage.” Hiruzen said, taking the baby away from Kakashi.
“Wait- no- please!” Kakashi begged, loosing his grasp on the child. “Wait please, he’s all I’ve got, we’ve only got each other! You have to let me look after him!” Kakashi panicked, staring at the last price of his family walk away.
Hiruzen glared at the young boy. “Go help with clean up.” He turned away and usher some ANBU to help with the disposal of the bodies. “Go, Hound. That’s an order from your Hokage.”
Hound straightened, the porcelain mask clicking into place faster than Kakashi could register. He was off before anyone could take a second glance at him.
<>
It was autopilot from there. It was clean up, then it was mission after mission after mission. There were no breaks. Hound was pushed to the brink and further for months on end, muscles aching, feet pounding against the ground. There was no stop for him.
Blood was in the air, on his hands, in his very soul. His life was red with enough death surrounding him to become the grim reaper.
He was an unstoppable force. He could not be stoped because he was simply a tool. Something to better the village with because he could get his hands dirty while everyone else’s stayed clean.
He wouldn’t stop, wasn’t stopping, would never stop unless told otherwise.
Until he saw it.
He saw a little blond mop of hair out of the corner of his eye, making him stop right in his tracks. He was laying alone in the attic of the orphanage, his toothless mouth agape wide with a cry, tears streaming down his cheeks, and a grumble from his stomach so loud Kakashi could pick it up from the tree he stood in outside of the orphanage building. It was fine, surely it was fine. Naruto would be alright. He could do this mission and Naruto would be fed and be alright by the time he was back. He’d only be gone a few hours, so it was alright.
Oh how wrong he was.
He finished the mission in eight hours, coming back to find Naruto still crying, his stomach still empty.
Shit.
Kakashi stood in that tree for a couple minutes. He’d have to feed him. Of course he would. But what could he? He had no teeth and he himself couldn’t feed him, he wasn’t a mom.
But wait, that’s just it! He knew a mom! A mom that could help him!
But that involved breaking into the Uchiha district. Easy enough, Kakashi was desperate.
So here he was, sneaking past privacy seals, guards and police alike, sneaking into the main family’s house, and into the kitchen.
Kakashi hovered for just a moment, scared about what he was going to say, until the dark haired woman in all her elegance sat and teapot on the table, two teacups right across from each other.
“I was wondering when you’d showed up.” Mikoto said with all the grace and brilliance of a well trained shinobi. “Kushina was my best friend, it only made sense for us to talk eventually; no matter how much my husband hates you. I don’t. I never will.”
Kakashi slowly moved into the room, into the light, and took a seat with the tea already poured. He looked up at Mikoto, then looked down at his hands. He was in ANBU, he could do this! But this, this was terrifying, this wasn’t something he could fight tooth and nail out of. This was the best friend of his almost-mother-mostly-big-sister, and he felt like his mere presence was a disappointment to her.
“Come. What’s bothering you sweetheart?”
Kakashi took a breath. “I wanna look after Kushina’s son someday. But right now he’s in the orphanage by himself, and they’re not feeding him. I don’t know what to do.” Kakashi said pathetically, his voice cracking and his eyes falling.
Mikoto hummed, stood, took a brush and paper, wrote a few quick characters on the sheet, and handed it to Kakashi.
Kakashi took the paper, then glanced at Mikoto for further instruction.
“There are no shortcuts or instructions on how to raise a child, there are no orders to be given or to give, it is simply your child and your parenting.” Mikoto started, turning to face Kakashi entirely now. “You take it one step at a time, and you can start by buying formula and feeding him. Simple as that.”
Kakashi nodded slowly. He stood, bowed deeply towards Mikoto, then left with haste.
He dropped into an all hours convenience store, a henge on his form as he grabbed a pack of formula and a bottle, paying quickly and leaving. He left to his apartment to grab a blanket and to make the formula, his day coming to a standstill. As the pot heated, he stared at the still water, his hair slightly showing in the reflection.
Someday, Naruto would find out what he has done. He would find out about the blood on his hands, the death in his wake, the lives he had ruined. So much blood, in his lungs, on his hands, in his very state of mind. Kakashi quickly took his hands to the sink and started scrubbing until his hand were rubbed raw and the water started boiling.
The sound of water sizzling over a hot element broke Kakashi out of his state of trance, him quickly pouring a bit of the formula into the water. He turned the heat off, stirred, let it cool, filled the bottle, and left his apartment through the window.
Naruto was still crying when he returned. Hi sobs had turned into hoarse wailing, his throat raw. Kakashi stepped into the room, bottle in hand. He checked the temperature against his hand, then placed the bottled in front of Naruto’s mouth. He stopped crying and latched onto the bottled, his noises reduced to sniffling and starved drinking. Kakashi stared at the child, his gentle hands not yet tainted with blood. He wondered if he would dirty him if he touched him now. If his years of killing and maiming would inherently make this sweet innocent being in front of him suddenly an awful person. He wondered-
His train of thought stopped when a small hand latched onto a finger, gripping tightly as Naruto drank, Kakashi staring in wonder.
He was still fine, and still Naruto.
He was living, breathing and no longer starving because of him.
Because of him.
He fed him, he helped a life instead of harming one. Maybe this was how he helped pay for his crimes. Maybe he could heal by simply being a parent to this child. This child who was every ball of sunshine his father was, and every bit of Uzumaki that his mother was.
Naruto let out a loud burp, the bottle empty and his cries subdued. He still gripped Kakashi’s finger tightly, but looked as if he was ready to sleep.
Kakashi looked through his hound mask, then gently picked up the boy and held him up, humming a soft tune he remembers his own father singing.
“Guess you’ll be tired after crying all day.” Kakashi muttered quietly. “I’ve got you now, whether you think so or not, I will always have your back.”
Kakashi leaned against the wall and slid into a sitting position. Naruto’s face was tucked into his neck, soft snores coming from his mouth.
“You’ve got me, too. For the first time in a long time, I don’t feel like the blood is still there, on my hands. It’s simply you, my Naruto, my pack.” Kakashi sighed, taking in and memorizing the smell of Naruto’s hair. “I’m going to quit ANBU. I’m going to do whatever I can to have you in my arms. I’m going to help you, I’m going to make you lunches for when you’re off to school, I’m going to help you with homework, I’ll help you throw a kunai and help you sleep when you have nightmares.” Kakashi slowly placed Naruto back in his crib, squating on the windowsill to make sure the blonde would stay asleep.
“I will love you forever, Minato and Kushina loved you, and I will love you just the same, whether one or one million miles away, I will always come back to you.”