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It’s only when Shenhe stands in front of the living room mirror that she realizes she’s never known how to do her tie.
It should be simple enough, looping the plain black cloth around itself to make a knot—but on the third attempt, she gives up and balls it into her fist.
That one tie for her formal wear had been done by Beidou once, when she was nineteen. Shenhe hadn’t ever removed it from its knot even after they left.
“Looking sharp on your first day,” Ganyu comments, strolling out of her room as she rubs the sleep from her eyes. She goes straight for the fridge where she keeps most of the vegetarian food she consumes. “You’ll do great. I hear very nice things about her. Sometimes she’s all my girlfriend ever talks about.” She chuckles to herself, the way she does when she talks about Keqing.
Shenhe lets out a sigh, adjusting the collar of her polo. It looked formal enough without a tie. Ganyu gives her a hum of approval when Shenhe gestures to her first-day-at-an-actual-job ensemble.
She was still new to this whole living as a civilian and not as a mercenary ordeal, but at least they had each other.
“Thanks,” Shenhe says, then she’s off.
-
The elevator ride up the building isn’t as terrible as Shenhe anticipated, and Keqing had been kind enough to ask her if it would be okay to take the lift in the first place. Shenhe attributes it to years being with Ganyu even before she’d been discharged, and was the reason why Shenhe landed this bodyguard job in the first place.
“She’s really nice, in case you were worried. A little bullheaded at times but only because she knows what she wants,” Keqing says, clearing her throat. Even if they were acquainted before and Shenhe could call her a friend, neither of them were good at small talk the way Ganyu and Beidou—even Ningguang—were. “And also incredibly talented. I think you’ll like her.”
Shenhe can’t help but take the opportunity to tease Keqing, still. “Looks like we have a fan over here.”
A blush crosses Keqing’s face, and she scrunches her face before turning away. It’s hard to imagine that the same woman running the entire operations of the entertainment company could act this way. “Well, when you meet her, you’ll see.”
Shenhe huffs out a laugh, and the rest of the ride is in silence.
They push through the doors of the recording and the voice that streams in through the speakers is probably the most beautiful thing Shenhe has ever heard. If she hadn’t lost her ability to cry years ago then she would be on her knees, weeping.
Shenhe does neither of that. Still, when they round the corner to follow the voice, Shenhe finds that the owner is just as beautiful—even prettier in person. How that could be possible is beyond her.
All she can do is stand beside Keqing, watching as Yun Jin sings—her voice melodic, powerful, playful. Somehow so enrapturing but so elusive, out of Shenhe’s reach.
In her twenty-seven years of living, nothing has ever moved her the way the song goes on, and then ends. That perhaps there were few beautiful things in life and Yun Jin’s voice this up close and personal surely took the number one spot.
Then Yun Jin stands in front of her, bowing lowly at her and Keqing, looking up at her with the kindest eyes Shenhe has seen from anyone and she isn’t sure which should take the first spot.
Not even a few seconds into meeting her Shenhe knows that she would do anything to protect Yun Jin from harm.
Keqing introduces her as Yun Jin’s new bodyguard briefly before dashing off, mumbling about another meeting as well as her apology. She’s definitely stayed longer than she should to make sure Shenhe felt welcome—that was very much like Keqing.
“I’m Yun Jin,” the girl says as Shenhe bows just as lowly. It was hard to imagine a girl this nice was an international star, but Yun Jin had the looks and the talent for it for sure. Shenhe doesn’t understand. “It’s really nice to finally meet you, Miss Shenhe. Looks like we’ll be spending a lot of time together.”
“No need for ‘miss’,” Shenhe tells her. “Shenhe is just fine, ma’am.”
Yun Jin smiles brightly. “We’ll have none if that ‘ma’am’ nonsense then, call it even.” A voice calls her from behind. She assumes it’s the sound director, calling Yun Jin back. “I have to go work now but I guess I’ll see you later? You can stay on the couch and be on your phone while I work. I don’t mind.”
Shenhe nods, and watches as Yun Jin bounds off to the booth, taking a seat on the couch to review her contract, schedule, and living arrangements should she agree to them.
Frankly, living in a penthouse for most of the week isn’t too bad an offer, but she’d still like her space. The pay is more than good enough to still split the apartment with Ganyu even if she wasn’t there. Shenhe didn’t mind.
Shenhe signs the contract, just as Yun Jin starts singing.
The suite is as ostentatious as Shenhe expected it to be, but it was homey—pictures of Yun Jin with her family, with friends. Her awards, plaques and CDs for record breaking music, lined the walls.
“You’ll be moving in tomorrow?” Yun Jin asks, looking up at her expectantly.
Shenhe can only nod. Her gut tells her she’ll be having a hard time saying no to this girl. “You have a lovely place.”
“Thank you,” Yun Jin smiles—she doesn’t ever seem to run out of them. “I’ll see you then.”
At a stoplight on the way home, Shenhe presses play on Yun Jin’s discography.
-
Beidou sets the three glasses with ice in front of her with a soft clink .
“How’s the new job?” She asks, pouring whiskey into the glasses and sliding one across to Shenhe. “You two look like you’re getting along well.”
“She’s nice,” Shenhe takes a sip, feels the liquid burn through her larynx. She can’t ever understand why Beidou and Ganyu are crazy about this. “Beidou, this is awful.” She drinks again.
Laughing, Beidou drinks from her own and Ganyu joins them at the table, setting their food in front of them. “Nice? That’s the nicest thing I’ve ever heard you say about someone. In Shenhe-talk, you’re head over heels for her.”
Shenhe only rolls her eyes at the teasing. “She doesn’t give me a hard time.”
Ganyu laughs, too. “And that’s Shenhe-talk for I actually really enjoy her company very much. I barely see you at home even on your days off.”
While Shenhe was legally binded to stay at the suite for six out of seven days, she certainly isn’t denying that she did enjoy being with Yun Jin—she would be a fool not to, really. Yun Jin is pleasant company. Talkative, yes, but Shenhe likes listening to her talk about anything and everything at all.
“I didn’t know I came out today to be teased endlessly by my friends,” Shenhe says drily, then taps the glass with her nail. “It’s different but it’s welcome. Anything is welcome at this point.”
Shenhe didn’t think there would be much for her after. She’d met Ganyu when they got drafted late into their teen years; needless to say, it was a terrible system. It broke them and countless others. She didn’t want any part of it anymore than when she started. None of them did.
Ganyu left the army as soon as her medical school tuition had been paid for, starting internship soon after. Beidou ended up having a kid with Ningguang and wanted very much to be alive for her new family. Shenhe did some mercenary work after but decided to quit after a year—surely civilian life could offer her something more peaceful, anything at all.
They all get nightmares, still.
“I hear you,” Beidou concurs. She’d been keeping herself busy with teaching self defense, but is otherwise a full time mom while Ningguang makes more than enough for them. Ganyu is a practicing surgeon and volunteers at animal shelters on the weekend with Keqing.
Shenhe stands guard at events where Yun Jin is needed, watching everyone like a hawk ready to pounce. Sometimes she buys Yun Jin coffee, just how she likes it—not because Yun Jin asks her but because Shenhe knows she needs it. Sometimes she carries Yun Jin to bed when she’s too tired to walk from the basement to the suite.
Things are different now, and Shenhe is more than happy that they are.
-
“Five more minutes…”
Shenhe sighs. She certainly didn’t expect that the hardest part of this job was saying no to Yun Jin, who was never anything but sweet and polite and nice.
It wasn’t hard for Yun Jin to be on time for most things, with Yunning keeping all appointments on the dot. Shenhe made sure to know those too, for moments like this.
Still, when Yun Jin looked so tired and soft and sleep-warm and—
“Yun Jin, we have a flight to catch,” Shenhe tells her gently, shaking those thoughts away. She’d let Yun Jin ask for five more minutes three times already precisely because of them. “If you get up and get ready right now, I’ll get you those little croissants Beidou makes when we return.”
That’s enough to get Yun Jin out of bed and into the shower. Shenhe remembers to use it the next time she has to be awake for a schedule or a flight.
Yun Jin nestles comfortably at her side, looking smaller than usual in her jacket. At one point she’d decided that she wanted physical touch with Shenhe, and when Shenhe told her she didn’t mind at all, she hasn’t gone a day without touch with Yun Jin in the three months as her bodyguard.
“Remind me again why I do this,” she murmurs, already falling asleep.
“Because you love performing, and you love music,” Shenhe tells her, adjusting her shades up her nose. The plane whirrs to life when Yun Jin laughs into her shoulder before sleep takes her.
Capt. Beidou
Sure i’ll make croissants for your lil gf :* :* :*
SH
Oh come off it.
Capt. Beidou
I’m kidding!! Damn can’t joke around with you
Just let me know when you’re back and i’ll have it done
SH
Thanks, cap. I owe you one.
Capt. Beidou
Nahhh. Anything for ya. You know that
Have a safe flight, bud
Watching Yun Jin perform somehow never loses its magic. She sees exactly why the public loves Yun Jin—captivating, kind, absolutely talented and intelligent. Seeing the way she connects with an audience is something Shenhe has never seen in all her years of living.
And her voice—Shenhe could listen to her all day. Listens to her all day, really, because Yun Jin loves talking and Shenhe likes listening to her.
“How did I do?” Yun Jin says, her smile so big and bright, riding the high of the performance. Her makeup is smudged and her face is matted with sweat but Shenhe thinks she’s still so beautiful it’s unfair.
“I think you’re always wonderful,” Shenhe tells her, handing her a warm bottle of water which she downs quickly. An ice bath is waiting for her in one of the dressing rooms, and Shenhe drapes a silk robe around her.
Yun Jin must be exhausted from the concert tonight—it would be the only explanation as to why her cheeks are painted a pretty shade of red even after she’d wiped her makeup off.
-
“Shenhe.”
At Yun Jin’s voice, Shenhe is wide awake. She’s only ever slept lightly for as long as she could remember, and the location or position didn’t matter.
This hotel didn’t have a spare bed, only a divan at the corner of Yun Jin’s room. Yun Jin can’t sleep without Shenhe in the room, so she takes it and falls asleep almost immediately—in her usual sleep shirt, compression leggings, with knives strapped to her thigh and her gun within reaching distance.
“Yes?”
“That can’t be comfortable.”
Shenhe chuckles. “It’s plenty comfortable. I’ve slept in worse conditions. I’ll be fine.”
Though Shenhe knows that if Yun Jin has made up her mind, there’s no convincing otherwise. One moment, Shenhe’s drifting off to sleep, the next is Yun Jin is pulling her from the divan and closer to the queen-sized bed. The other woman crawls under the blankets wordlessly and Shenhe knows better than to keep her waiting.
Still, she thinks it’s worth it to warn Yun Jin again. “You know about my nightmares, right?”
Yun Jin nods, and pats the bed anyway. Incorrigible woman, Shenhe thinks fondly. Taking her gun and making sure the safety is on, she sets it inside the drawer then follows suit, keeping her distance.
The bed is divine, molding into Shenhe’s body. A luxury she’s never afforded and didn’t care to even when she had the money.
Yun Jin turns to her, hands tucked under her chin. She’s still so pretty without her makeup. “Comfortable?”
“Very.”
The other woman laughs, yawning already. It’s been a long day of press conferences before tomorrow’s concert. “Good night, Shenhe.”
“Good night.”
True enough, Shenhe wakes with a start, her heart racing. Her already fading dream filtering through her fingers—she can’t remember what has her heart racing, sweat dripping from her hairline down to her chin.
True enough, it’s enough to wake Yun Jin, who rubs sleep from her eyes. “Everything okay?” When she reaches out to lay a hand on Shenhe’s arm, she stops at the last second. “Can I touch you?”
Shenhe lets out a breath that rattles at her ribs. Still, she nods, and her heart slows its maddening pace when the warmth of Yun Jin’s hand seeps through her sleep shirt. “Sorry,” she murmurs, rubbing a hand down her face. The last thing she wants is to disrupt Yun Jin’s precious sleep when she’ll need all the rest she can get for the next few days. “I’ll sleep over there.”
When Shenhe moves to stand, Yun Jin pulls her back. “I told you, it’s fine,” she says firmly, despite the whisper of her voice. She looks up at Shenhe with sleepy, but determined eyes. “I meant it, Shenhe. I don’t mind. Come back to bed.”
Shenhe doesn’t know why her heart constricts in her chest at the gentle admission, at the way Yun Jin says it.
Her heart picks up again, for a completely different reason—though Shenhe doesn’t know what just yet. Can’t put a finger on it to save her own life.
Like always, Shenhe follows where Yun Jin goes, and drifts off to sleep again. This time, Yun Jin doesn’t let go of her hand, and Shenhe lets it happen.
-
For a year-end awards show, Ningguang dresses Yun Jin herself—a handcrafted design, not even having made the runways yet. Keqing always half-joked that Yun Jin was Ningguang’s favorite model, her favorite client, but Shenhe sees it, bright as day.
Yun Jin is her favorite client, too. Sure, her only client, but if she were to have other clients, Shenhe is certain Yun Jin would be the best.
From afar, she watches Ningguang help Yun Jin into the dress: navy blue silk cinched at the waist with a black bodice and a silver chainmail, draped elegantly on Yun Jin’s body.
She’s so beautiful. Yun Jin was always pretty, but tonight, Shenhe can’t look away.
“You’re gorgeous, darling,” Ningguang drawls, making Yun Jin spin in the clothes she’d made for her. “I don’t know what else to tell you.”
Yun Jin preens at the praise, but she tilts her head to look past Ningguang and straight at Shenhe. “What do you think?”
Her throat is dry, and she doesn’t know why her heart hammers in her chest, nor does she understand the knowing look Ningguang gives her. It takes her a moment too long to find her voice, but she manages a somewhat stable: “you’re beautiful.”
Yun Jin’s cheeks darken, but Shenhe isn’t sure if it’s just the makeup.
“I can’t believe Ganyu had to sit through Beidou and I being like this,” Ningguang says, helping a still-blushing Yun Jin off the platform, though she does so with a gentle smile. “Now off you go, you two. I have yet to dress up. See you at the event.”
Yun Jin wins album of the year, to no one’s surprise, and Shenhe watches her ascend the stage with pride blooming in her chest.
She’s so loved by everyone; the audience is enamored as she speaks, and Shenhe understands completely. “Thank you so much to everyone that made this happen. The creative teams, who pushed my artistic limits, the tour team who work tirelessly, the company who provides me with all these amazing projects, the fans who enjoy what I do,” Yun Jin says into the mic, then Shenhe swears she can feel her gaze. “And that one person who watches out for me, and makes sure I wake up on time and always checks if I’m drinking enough water. You know who you are. Thank you.”
Shenhe allows herself to smile, despite her treacherous heart feeling as if it’s about to give out.
Throughout the afterparty, Shenhe stands close, amongst moving bodies, watching as Yun Jin drinks a considerable amount of alcohol. She laughs with her friends, holds Shenhe’s hand, and ignores men trying to get her attention. Shenhe watches Yun Jin’s drink like a hawk but no one tries anything even remotely funny when they spot Shenhe glaring at them.
When the party dies down, Shenhe carries Yun Jin in her arms, warm from the alcohol. “Did you have a drink tonight?”
Shenhe shakes her head. “I don’t drink on the job, Yun Jin. You know that.”
“You can always— hic —have a little fun around me. I don’t mind.”
She shakes her head again, waiting at the curb for the driver to take them home.
(When did she start thinking that Yun Jin’s apartment was home?)
“Not when it’s about your safety,” she says, and the limo rolls up in front of her. She opens the door with a hand she’s not using to hold Yun Jin, and slides into the vehicle without jostling Yun Jin too much.
“Has anyone said you’re comfortable? Because you’re very comfortable,” Yun Jin tells her, and despite the spacious interior of the limousine, she tucks herself into Shenhe’s body with much ease.
Comfortable, Shenhe thinks—thinks of her arms, of her hands, having hurt so many people. How could anyone think of her as anything remotely comforting?
“That’s not something people would use to describe me, so no,” she tells Yun Jin, feeling the limo move forward to bring Yun Jin home. She’s warm, tipsy, and Shenhe keeps her hands firmly planted on the leather seats.
“Well, you are.” Yun Jin says with finality—as much as a drunk girl can. Her cheeks are pink, pinker than usual, and Shenhe doesn’t know how she gets prettier every time she sees her. She throws a leg over Shenhe’s in an attempt to get more comfortable. “Do other girls lie down on you like this?”
Shenhe chuckles. It’s easy to laugh around Yun Jin. “Just tipsy award-winning international artists loved by the general public.”
Yun Jin hums, resting her head on Shenhe’s shoulder. The traffic of the outside world fades as Yun Jin drifts off to sleep. “Good.”
She carries Yun Jin all the way to the penthouse suite even if she claims she could walk. The other woman makes no move to disentangle herself, but Shenhe didn’t mind anyway.
When Shenhe puts her down to sit on the bed and makes a move to leave, Yun Jin stops her, arms still around her neck. “It’s hard to remove this dress,” she gestures to it. It was a different piece, something more suited for parties, but still designed by Ningguang. “Help me out of it?”
For some reason unknown to her, her face burns, but she obliges. Looking up, Shenhe undoes the zipper of Yun Jin’s dress with terrible, aching slowness.
She’s still looking up when the dress falls to the floor, and she definitely does not need to see or think about her very beautiful employer in her underwear when she’s drunk. It would be violating several clauses in her contract and just plain wrong.
Thankfully, Yun Jin tucks herself under the covers, away from Shenhe’s line of sight, already settling to sleep. Seeing she’s all set, Shenhe steps away to get water and an Advil, her face still burning.
Get a grip, Shenhe scolds herself as she fills Yun Jin’s favorite water jug. It’s navy blue with pink and purple stickers from her fans. What’s gotten into you? Seriously.
She sets the jug and the advil on the bedside table, then turns away to sleep somewhere else after cleaning Yun Jin’s face from makeup (she knows the routine well enough)—preferably close in case Yun Jin needed her—but Yun Jin calls out her name, and Shenhe is immediately attuned to it in a way she never has been before.
“Shenhe,” she says, bone-tired and drunk. “Where are you going?”
“I’m going to sleep over there.”
Yun Jin juts her lower lip in a pout, and oh, even inebriated this woman knew exactly how to play Shenhe like a fiddle. “Stay.”
Shenhe sighs, though she’s walking closer already. Surely this won’t be good for her overheated face, or her life-ending heart rate. “Yun Jin…”
With a pat on the side of the bed where Shenhe usually lays, she acquiesces, stripping her clothes down to her sports bra and boy shorts. Yun Jin scoots closer but hesitates at the last second, as she always does. “Can I touch you?”
When Shenhe nods, Yun Jin’s warm body sidles up to her, and Shenhe wraps her arms around the other woman’s body.
“You always ask that. Why?” Shenhe murmurs, getting comfortable. She doesn’t expect Yun Jin to reply, but she does.
“I know you don’t like it with other people,” she hears Yun Jin say. “That’s why I always check in with you. I won’t touch you if you don't want me to.” Yun Jin looks up at her, and Shenhe meets her eyes. The unbearable heat is back, now with a terrible ache in her chest. “It’s important to me that you’re comfortable. And I don’t like giving you a hard time too. Because I like you.”
Her heart stops at the gentle admission . “Like, as your bodyguard?” Surely that would be the answer. A woman as beautiful and talented and established as Yun Jin wouldn’t like her that way, for sure. She was just an ex-army-ex-merc-now-civilian trying to find something for her, trying to recover.
Yun Jin murmurs something unintelligible, her head dropping on Shenhe’s chest, already fast asleep.
She did an excellent job protecting Yun Jin and more. Liking her as her bodyguard seemed like the only plausible answer.
Shenhe cradles Yun Jin in her arms and falls asleep promptly.
-
“I’m sorry, you what ?!”
From the reclining seat by the pool, Ningguang adjusts her grip on Kazuha. “Darling, inside voice.”
“Sorry, dear!” Beidou calls out, and Shenhe could laugh at how different the Beidou she’d worked with at the army is from the Beidou she sees at home with her wife and child. “I’m sorry, you what? ” She repeats, now lower in volume.
“She said she liked me and then passed out in my arms.” Shenhe shrugs, sipping from her iced tea. Ningguang makes sure to add some more sugar than usual for her and Beidou. “Though I’m sure she likes me as her employee? She’s nice to everyone. She always makes me sleep in her bed with her.”
Shenhe can’t catch on to the emotions that cross Beidou’s face—incredulous, confused, unsure if she’s being serious.
Then: “Shenhe, do you like Yun Jin?”
“As my—”
“Not as your employer,” Beidou says, her voice soft, unassuming. “But you know, do you like her romantically?”
Shenhe thinks about it—thinks about how she’s been thinking about Yun Jin’s lips on a daily, thinks of her heart racing when Yun Jin undresses in front of her, thinks of only being able to sleep with Yun Jin in her arms, thinks of how Yun Jin had patiently dealt with her nightmares and was always extra mindful about things that could trigger Shenhe’s panic episodes.
Just as her luck would have it, her phone pings with a text from Yun Jin who was away for vacation in Sumeru with her family—who was more than equipped with their own security. Yun Jin, despite having insisted Shenhe take the opportunity for a vacation too, still texted her every day.
Wish you were here , the message read, with a photo attached of Yun Jin smiling in front of a beach with big sunglasses and a straw hat. She’s so beautiful and Shenhe wished she were with her, and—
“Hmm,” Shenhe says calmly, betraying the way her heart beats against her chest. “You may be right.”
-
“Do the nightmares ever stop?” Yun Jin asks, one night. They’re in Fontaine for a press conference, and Shenhe lounges on the bed with a book Ganyu recommended.
It’s been five weeks since the realization that she did like Yun Jin, but nothing has changed. Still the same old and Shenhe is comfortable like this. She doesn’t mind that Yun Jin won’t return her feelings. It was enough Shenhe got to see her and to be her bodyguard.
Shenhe puts it down, lets it tent on her chest. “No, they haven’t. I don’t expect them to let up.”
Yun Jin looks back at her from the dresser, stopping her nightly skin care routine that Shenhe has memorized and does it for her when she’s too tired to do it. “You know there are people that can help you with that? If you want to.”
Shenhe’s heard it before. Ganyu and Beidou had their own, right after quitting. Shenhe had been too hesitant that it would be hard to find one for her given that she’s not exactly as easy going as her other friends. She tells Yun Jin that.
“I can help out, if you’d like me to,” the other woman says, her smile warm and eager and Shenhe still can’t say no to her. “I’d want to do that for you if that’s in your cards.”
Shenhe’s heart caves in. She would do anything for Yun Jin. “Okay, I’ll think about it.”
-
The antiseptic stings, but she toughens up as Yun Jin cleans her wounds for the first time, the doctor having instructed to clean them every six hours.
(“I’ll do it,” Yun Jin had said immediately, when the attending physician suggested having someone change the bandages every few hours.
Shenhe can’t help but protest, albeit weakly. “Yun Jin, you have—”
“I’ll do it,” she repeats, defiant, firm and not allowing anyone in the room to have anything else to say.”)
Now that the adrenaline of the earlier encounter and attempt on Yun Jin’s life by a crazed fan—where Shenhe had taken it to her thigh and her waist willingly just to make sure Yun Jin was safe—had worn off, she feels every movement and ache with terrible clarity.
(“She’ll stay with me, thank you very much,” Yun Jin told management very firmly, when they’d offer to take Shenhe back to her apartment. They’d called Beidou in, as a stand-in to stand guard while Shenhe was out of commission.
Shenhe felt the painkillers settling in, and didn’t have it in herself to argue.)
“You don’t have to do this,” Shenhe murmurs as Yun Jin fastens the ribbon on her thigh. The tension is unbearable and Shenhe doesn’t know why. “I can do it on my own, you know.”
Yun Jin scoffs, “like hell you can. Just let me take care of you, won’t you?” Shenhe tries to sit up and proves Yun Jin’s point. She can’t even reach the glass at her side. Her injuries aren’t too bad she needs rehab, but that doesn’t make the recovery process any better.
“I’m not used to someone looking out for me,” Shenhe admits, giving up. Yun Jin hands over the glass for her, for once being the one reminding Shenhe to drink water.
“Well you should start getting used to it,” Yun Jin tightens the ribbon with a small tug. “There. How do you feel?”
There’s a burning in her throat but it’s not from the pain. “I’ve been better. I’m just glad you’re safe.” She doesn’t understand why Yun Jin looks away, downtrodden. She’d done her job—why is she upset? “Did I do something wrong?”
Yun Jin sighs, picks at the beddings. “I don’t want you to do that again. Please.”
“Why not?” Shenhe doesn’t understand. That had been part of her job description and Yun Jin wasn’t harmed the slightest. “It’s my job.”
Then, Yun Jin turns to her, her eyes shining. “I can’t bear it, you getting hurt like this. I don’t want you to get hurt because of me.” She wipes at her tears, though they continue to run down her cheeks. Shenhe reaches out as much as she can without hurting herself too much, wiping the streaks with her thumb.
She’d take a few more hits to her body just so that Yun Jin doesn’t cry anymore, but she knows better, knows it would only cost her more tears.
“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” Shenhe apologizes, and Yun Jin shakes her head. They’re so close together that it’s easy to bump their foreheads together as Shenhe stares at their linked hands on top of the blanket. “I’d do it again, if it meant to keep you safe.”
Yun Jin shakes her head again. “I want you here, don’t you understand?” She squeezes Shenhe’s hand, holds it like a lifeline. She pulls back to level her gaze with Shenhe’s, weary from the night but still so fierce and protective. Shenhe has never seen it directed at her, never thought she would inspire the same emotions from someone else. “I don’t care if it was in your contract. You’re not getting hurt because of me, you hear?”
It baffles her, still, that someone wants to keep her so desperately. That Yun Jin could have anyone else in her bed but she chooses to have her injured bodyguard risking blood on her expensive sheets.
“Promise me,” Yun Jin says, her unshakeable voice finally shaking. It’s such an odd experience, knowing how powerful her voice is. “Please. No more risking your life for me.”
I’d do it for you, a thousand times over.
“I… I can’t promise you that I won’t—your… your safety will always be my priority,” Shenhe supplies lamely, but she caresses Yun Jin’s cheek, still damp from tears that have mostly dried up. “But I can promise you that I’ll try. It’s not much and I’ve never thought about myself before, but now I want to, for y—”
Yun Jin presses a kiss to her cheek, and what she’d wanted to say dissolves almost instantly. The warmth spreads into an unbearable heat that consumes Shenhe from within.
“That’s enough,” Yun Jin tells her, and presses another kiss, now to the bandage of her thigh. “That’s enough.”
-
Yun Jin takes a break after the incident to recover, and she spends mostly beside Shenhe when she isn’t out to see her friends (with Beidou in tow, naturally), or in the small studio she had in her suite.
Nothing changes, but this time, Yun Jin nestles into her as much as she can without jostling her injuries. They spend every night together, taking turns picking what to eat and what to watch after they change Shenhe’s bandages.
It’s nice, being taken care of. Yun Jin knows everything she has done, has been there through the worst of her nightmares, and yet her delicate hand draws a pink heart and yellow stars on the edge of the bandage.
She lies back down. It’s easier these days—Yun Jin doesn’t have to help her to the bathroom or reach over to get a glass of water. Yun Jin is finishing moisturizing her elbows when Shenhe speaks, watching her go about her nightly routine.
“Do you have the number of the person who can help me?”
Yun Jin smiles, soft, besotted, then takes out phone to send it to Shenhe.
-
“Do you think they’ll end up together?” Yun Jin says, leaning against her carefully, dressed in bunny pajamas and lounge pants. It would be so hard for many of her fans to see the graceful Yun Jin so dressed down and so at home, watching bad reality television as they go through the dumplings they’d ordered from Chef Mao’s. “I think she should choose the other guy that did well on the third challenge. That was more romantic.”
Yun Jin looks up at her, eager to hear her thoughts on this ridiculous show with ridiculous acting, and no one has looked at her with so much wonder.
“What do you think?” Yun Jin laughs, bright like wind chimes, but they fade, mellow into a soft giggle. Shenhe can only stare at her lips, soft and pink from the spice. She’d want to kiss Yun Jin so many times, but at this moment, she may actually pass into the next life if she doesn’t.
Thankfully, Yun Jin does it for her, closing the distance so easily. She tastes like her berry lip scrub, mint, and a little of the food they’d shared earlier at night. Shenhe loves the way it tastes, loves the way she feels surer about this than anything in her life.
Yun Jin kisses her like she does everything: with certainty, with so much care and warmth, with a quiet sort of firmness that Shenhe adores.
Maybe in her past life she’d atoned for her sins in this one just so she could kiss a girl like Yun Jin like this. Or maybe this was her sign she needed to atone.
She doesn’t have time to think about that or feel sorry for herself, because as soon as she pulls away, Yun Jin murmurs a small finally into her lips, before leaning in for more.
-
After two months of recovery and training, Shenhe is back to work after Beidou covered for her.
( Your favorite whiskey , Shenhe had written on the note on her little thank you gift to Beidou. Don’t show your wife or else she’d drink it herself. )
“You look nice,” Yun Jin says, standing on her tiptoes as Shenhe leans down to kiss her. She’s dressed in Shenhe’s shirt and only her shirt. She tries not to think about it too much else she’d be late.
It would be the first time she’d see the therapist Yun Jin’s manager recommended, and she knows it won’t be easy, but Shenhe wants to try to get better.
Yun Jin’s deft hands find the ends of her undone tie and does it for her with a few loops. She straightens it and dusts off her blazer, humming the tune of the song she’s been writing.
“What?” She says, when Shenhe watches her carefully. She’s so beautiful in the sunlight, and Shenhe still has some trouble wrapping her mind around the fact that Yun Jin is her girlfriend.
“Nothing,” Shenhe says, leaning down for another kiss with all the gentleness she’s learned in the many months she’s known Yun Jin.