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"Mmrreep," Merlin said from the door, making Gwaine slam shut his laptop and curse in anticipation of whatever was going to happen next. He groaned and covered his eyes and his crotch as Merlin padded into the room and jumped up onto the bed with a peeping duckling in his mouth.
Merlin dropped the duckling before Gwaine, and the duckling stared at his blanket-covered crotch with beady, accusing eyes, as if it knew what he had been doing when they came in. Gwaine flopped back on the bed and resolved to ignore them, sticking his hand back under the blanket to continue. The duckling peeped at him long and loud, shrilly offended. His boner died. Merlin padded up to him and stared at his crotch with unhealthy fascination.
"Aurgh!" Gwaine elbowed his way back into a sitting position and flung off the blanket, glaring at Merlin and determined to stand his ground. "I haven't had a proper wank in a week! How did you even get the door open? I locked it before I started! I checked!"
Merlin blinked at him slowly, then tilted his head to better look at Gwaine's wilted cock. "Mrrrit."
The duckling waddled up to stare at him as well. "Peep."
Gwaine fought the urge to cross his legs. "Is this some kind of screwed-up vengeance for that thing with the Sidhe prince on the plane? How was I to know he'd get so offended about a little fairy joke? And you should be getting back at him, not me, he's the one who changed you into a cat!"
The two small animals eyed him like they thought he was some kind of extremely stupid and lowly life-form. Actually, the duckling was staring at his limp cock with a disconcerting degree of interest, maybe like it thought it was a worm. Gwaine gulped and flipped the blanket back over his cock. "Stop staring at me like that! Get out! Shoo! What did you bring the duckling here for, Merlin?"
"Meep," Merlin said with a startling sense of authority, and strolled up to paw at his lap.
"Oh, no you don't," Gwaine hissed and pulled his legs away from Merlin, curling up protectively. "I like you, and I like cats, but I don't like you enough to do it with a cat, even for your sake. Heeeey." Merlin followed him, nosing at him insistently, while the duckling watched them both and peeped occasional encouragement. "Come on, at least get the duckling out of here? It can't be old enough to watch this kind of shit."
Merlin glanced back at the duckling, as if just remembering about it. "Mrreep!" he said again, affirmatively, and looked at Gwaine as if expecting his little chirps to make sense to Gwaine.
"What about the duckling?" Gwaine demanded, ready to tear his hair out in frustration. "Why aren't you looking for Arthur to come lift your curse? Unless your tiny cat brain has somehow mistaken it for Arthur just because they're both yellow and fluffy-"
"PEEP!" The duckling sat very straight and flapped its little wings angrily.
"Shit," Gwaine said with feeling. "You don't mean to say..that is Arthur?" In reply, both animals stared at him disdainfully again. "How is he supposed to kiss you better, then?"
Somehow Merlin's little cat face managed to look like he was smirking. Merlin strolled boldly up to him and put a soft paw firmly on the bulge of his cock under the blanket.
Gwaine flailed and grabbed Merlin before he could paw off Gwaine's last vestige of modesty. "You can't be serious!"
Merlin was.