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Despite what everyone will tell you, Bakugou Katsuki is not emotionally inept.
Well, ok, not COMPLETELY emotionally inept.
He can generally understand what other people are feeling, he just doesn’t give a shit. If someone gets their feelings hurt over something he says or does, that’s their fucking problem, not his. And yeah, he may not like dealing with his own emotions half the time, especially in the past two years, but he’s more or less aware of what he’s feeling and why. Whether he decides to embrace them or shove them as deep down as humanly possible is his own goddamn business.
These new feelings, though. He has no fucking clue what to do with them.
As Bakugou stands in the Heights Alliance kitchen as the rest of his class holds an impromptu, sort-of party in the common room to celebrate everyone passing their midterms while his best friend chatters away beside him, he tries to piece together how the fuck he got to a point where he’s looking at an idiot with a bad dye job, an embarrassing sense of fashion, and grades that are constantly at risk of flunking him out of school, and all he can think about is how badly he wants to kiss this moron.
During their first year at U.A., he was only ever aware of how strongly he felt for the redhead during brief instances. The first was when they fought together seamlessly during the USJ attack. Not only was it the first time Bakugou had fought alongside someone, but it was the first time anyone had looked past his angry delivery and focused on what he was trying to say instead. That would end up only being the beginning of their bond.
The next was the Sports Festival, where Kirishima had proven their compatibility. Not just in terms of their quirks, where the other boy was the only one capable of being Bakugou’s unbreakable horse during the cavalry battle, and then the only one able to land a clean hit during the one-on-one tournament. No, Kirishima proved their compatibility when he became the first person to impress the blonde enough to be on his team by proclaiming that they would charge into battle together and win the one million points – the fact that they didn’t end up winning those points is definitely not something that haunted Bakugou for an embarrassingly long time after the fact. The redhead had shown a fire in him that burned bright enough to match even Bakugou’s, something the explosive boy could only bring himself to respect.
The most prominent instance was, of course, Kamino. If he’s being honest with himself, if it hadn’t been for all their previous moments, he doesn’t know if he would have taken Kirishima’s hand. At that point in his life, he’d been so bitter and prideful that it’s entirely possible he might’ve chosen to take his chances with the villains over accepting anyone’s help. But the redhead had proven time and time again that not only did he not look down on Bakugou, but he understood him. He would never view the volatile boy as someone in need of saving, someone to be coddled and protected. Kirishima was someone that he wanted to fight alongside, that he trusted to have his back. If he was reaching his hand out to Bakugou, it was because he wanted to push the blonde forward, not hold him back.
In all of those instances, Bakugou knew he felt more for the other boy than he ever had for anyone else before. At the time, though, he’d just assumed those feelings were of friendship. He’s never had real friends before, just people who would follow him around and try to make themselves look better due to their proximity to him. Deku had tried to be his friend when they were kids, but there were too many factors at play and too many bad choices being made for that to have been possible at the time – and Bakugou would like to think he’s grown enough to be able to take responsibility for his part in all of it. Kirishima was easily his first real, genuine friend, and Bakugou had assumed that everyone feels this way about their friends.
But now, halfway through their first semester of second year, Bakugou’s begrudgingly admitted to himself that Kirishima’s no longer his only friend. Kaminari, Sero, and Ashido all, at some point, decided they no longer find him scary or intimidating, and have taken to following him around just like Kirishima had. While he would rather die than call any of them his friends out loud, he does genuinely care about them, and appreciates having them around.
But things are different with Kirishima. Kirishima is different.
Once Bakugou accepted that he has friends outside of the spiky haired boy, he had to accept that his feelings for him go beyond friendship.
Coming to terms with the fact that he has non-platonic feelings for his best friend was easy enough, even if it had taken him an embarrassingly long time to figure out. Deciding what to do about those feelings, however, struck a fear in him like no other.
Every other time in his life that he’d been afraid, it’d never left him frozen. Either with the sludge monster or the League of Villains, he’d been able to use his fear to keep fighting, keep pushing through. Usually, the idea of hesitating pisses him off. He’s always been presented with a situation, decided immediately on a plan of action, and followed through to the end.
But for the first time in his life, Bakugou’s scared to the point of being paralyzed.
He’s never been in this kind of situation before. He’s never had time for stupid things like crushes and dating, not when he needs to focus on becoming the Number One Hero. That goal’s always been simple, he just needs to work hard and hone his skills and make sure he keeps beating that nerd Deku, and he’ll be set.
Trying to navigate falling head over heels for his best friend? That’s way more complicated.
But fuck if he’s ever let something like a challenge make him back down before.
First and foremost, he needs to find out if Kirishima feels the same way.
Shit, actually, first he needs to find out if Kirishima’s even into guys. One thing Bakugou’s NOT gonna do is set himself up for failure.
Once he realized his feelings for his best friend, he’d taken to paying closer attention to Kirishima and how he acts around girls. Even now, he notices that the redhead isn’t shamelessly flirting with every chick in their class that crosses his path the way Kaminari and Mineta do. Hell, he’s even told the little grape freak off twice tonight for harassing the girls while they danced to shitty music in the open space of the common room.
To be fair, that doesn’t really prove anything other than Kirishima isn’t a total creep, but it’s also worth noticing that he’s not even trying to talk up any specific girl in their class either, like Deku’s currently doing with Ururaka. Bakugou can’t help but scoff as his eyes land on the little green haired loser, face bright red and sweaty as he stiffly tries to hold a conversation with the equally blushing and nervous round faced girl. Pathetic.
Kirishima’s never talked about liking any of their female classmates, never called any of them pretty beyond a respectful compliment on something like a change to their hero costume or a new haircut. He’s never joined in on discussions about crushes or past experiences or “types” with the other guys in their class.
Bakugou wants to believe that all of this means something, means what he wants it to mean, but he still can’t get rid of the voice in the back of his head telling him that Kirishima’s just too “chivalrous” to do any of that stuff, that he’s straight and just considers it “unmanly” to talk about the girls he likes.
Still, not only is Kirishima not trying to talk up a girl, but the only person he’s talked to one-on-one all night is Bakugou himself. The blonde had refused to take part in the main party, and instead settled in the kitchen for the night, content to drink soda and watch all the extras make fools of themselves.
Unlike Bakugou, who would rather cut off his pinky toe than take part in this lame ass party, Kirishima’s the human embodiment of friendliness, and an event like this would typically have him at the center of it all. Instead, the redhead’s been holed up in the kitchen right alongside Bakugou, only occasionally doing a round through the common room to socialize and mess around with the others.
Pushing past his fears, Bakugou decides to broach the subject. “You know you don’t have to stay here with me, right? Won’t it be more fun for you partying with all the extras?”
Kirishima startles at the dramatic change of subject before grinning at his best friend. “No way dude, it wouldn’t be manly of me to leave my bro here all by himself!”
Bakugou huffs and rolls his eyes. Of course, him and his stupid chivalry.
Kirishima’s smile morphs into something softer, an intense fondness filling his eyes.
“And besides, I’d much rather be here with you.”
Oh.
Suddenly there’s a shift in the air, a familiar tension between them that seems to be happening more and more lately, where Kirishima will look at him with those eyes and that smile and suddenly Bakugou’s heart rate will pick up and his breathing gets stuck in his throat and dammit he still doesn’t even know if the guy is straight or not!
Like every other time these moments happen, Bakugou can’t bring himself to do anything except stand there and blush like an idiot. He has no idea what he’s supposed to be doing about any of it, or if Kirishima’s even aware at all that the moment’s happening. And just like every other time, Bakugou knows he wants to do something, to say something. He hates that he freezes, hates that those crimson eyes and sharp teeth have the power to hold him in place with one look. In every other aspect of his life, if he feels strongly about anything, he has no problem saying so out loud, even when he knows the words won’t be well received or could get him into trouble.
So why, for the love of God, can’t he get the words out now?
Before he can even open his mouth to speak – not that he’s capable of forming a coherent sentence right now anyways –, Kaminari, Sero, and Tokoyami come barreling into the kitchen.
“Kiri, Bakubro! The guys from 2-B just showed up, c’mon!”
Bakugou sneers, trying to dispel the fluttering in his chest and the blush he knows is still lingering on his face. “Hard pass.”
Kaminari pouts at him. “Aaawww, c’mon Kacchan, stop being so boring and hang out with us!”
Bakugou glares at him. “Why would I wanna waste my time hanging around even MORE losers than usual?”
He looks over at Kirishima, who clearly wants to go say hi to his stupid metal friend, but also doesn’t want to leave Bakugou alone. He rolls his eyes. “Just go, Shitty Hair. I won’t die from being alone for five whole minutes.”
Kirishima pauses to study Bakugou’s face, making sure he actually means what he said, but Kaminari grabs his arm and starts pulling him out of the kitchen before they can have their unspoken conversation. “It’ll just be for two seconds, and then I promise you can go back to your boooyfrieeeend!”
Bakugou watches as the others laugh while dragging a red faced Kirishima into the common room. That’s another thing about these moments that he’s taken note of. They only ever happen when the two are alone, and he can’t for the life of him figure out what that means.
Does it mean that Kirishima doesn’t want other people to know? Or does Kirishima think Bakugou doesn’t want other people to know? Or maybe it’s proof that these moments are all just in his head?
That last question is definitely the one causing this new addition to his fight or flight response.
He never thought he’d be one to give a shit about getting rejected. Though, to be fair, he’d never considered the idea that anyone might actually reject him in the first place. He’s Bakugou fucking Katsuki, for fuck’s sake, Future Number One Hero that anyone in their right mind would be lucky to date.
But, as always, things are fucking different when it comes to Kirishima.
Because, despite what the idiot himself might think, Kirishima’s a fucking catch. He’s handsome, and kind, and impressive, and could easily date anyone he wants. Even if he IS into guys, that doesn’t necessarily mean he’s into Bakugou specifically.
Bakugou’s fought actual, honest-to-God villains and lived to tell the tale. He’s been punched in the gut by All Might himself and gotten back up. He’s looked death right in the eye and was back in class the very next day.
But Kirishima rejecting him, even as nicely as he knows the redhead would be? That might actually be the thing that kills him.
That thought, the thought of ever putting himself in a position where Kirishima pities him, letting him down gently the way only someone like Kirishima could, has been a major factor in him holding back time and time again. Each time, as Bakugou lets the moment pass and there’s nothing in the air to imply they’re anything more than “best bros”, he tries to convince himself that it wouldn’t be worth it, that their friendship is enough, that this whole “love” thing is overrated anyways.
But, as he hears a loud, excited cheer come from the now overly-crowded common room and knows, without a shadow of a doubt, that Kirishima’s most likely the cause of such unbridled joy, he realizes that that mindset is the same as running away.
And Bakugou Katsuki does NOT run away from anything, especially not something as stupid and trivial as feelings.
That leaves him to the other questions. If Kirishima does like him, if he does want a relationship with Bakugou, does he want to keep it a secret?
That question’s the easiest to dismiss. Kirishima’s easily the type to parade a relationship and partner around proudly. If Kirishima really, genuinely likes someone, he’d want to hold their hand and call them sweet names and take them on very public, very cheesy dates. The dumbass isn’t capable of being ashamed of anyone outside of himself.
As the boy in question wanders back into kitchen, grin on his face and spiked hair mussed even further underneath his bandana from play wrestling with Tetsutetsu, Bakugou’s left to contemplate the last question.
Does he not want people to know about whatever’s happening between him and Kirishima?
It’s not a matter of being ashamed of Kirishima, of course. No one in their right mind would ever be ashamed of Kirishima. The redhead’s loud, and bright, and warm. The boy is literally sunshine incarnate. He’s got a determination that rivals even Bakugou’s fierce drive, and anyone with eyes and half a brain can see that he’ll be spending most, if not all, of his hero career comfortably in the top five, at least. If Bakugou were a better person, he wouldn’t even consider asking out someone who’s so clearly too good for him.
But he’s not a better person, so like hell is he gonna let something like “worth” keep him from taking what he wants. Fuck that. If he’s not worthy of something now, then he’ll just work that much harder to earn it.
No, the reason he’d want to do things privately, the reason that’s REALLY been holding him back, if he’s being honest, is much simpler than all of that.
To put it bluntly, they’re both guys.
Bakugo’s been aware, to some degree, that he’s gay for most of his life. While he’s never felt this for anyone before, he’s done enough self-analyzing to know that he looks at men the way he’s supposed to look at women.
He’d been terrified when he initially made the realization. He’d wondered if there was something wrong with him, something defective, maybe the world’s cruel way of counteracting all the ways he’s been blessed. He’d cursed fate and the universe and whatever other force was out there for making him this way, for throwing such a giant wrench in all of his plans.
After all, there’s never been an openly gay, or bi, or otherwise queer Number One Hero. Hell, the only one Bakugou can think of that’s even broken the top 100 is Tiger, and he only technically counts as part of a group, not an individual queer hero that people specifically voted for.
As he sees others trail after Kirishima into the kitchen, Bakugou’s reminded of the more immediate social consequences of them getting together.
How would their peers react if two boys in their class came out and started dating?
Bakugou’s not dumb, he can do the math. The chances of there only being two queer kids in their entire class are slim. While no one in their class has explicitly come out, Kaminari shamelessly flirts with anything on two legs regardless of gender, Yaoyorozu’s suspiciously immune to the hoards of guys throwing themselves at her, and Aoyama’s a walking gay stereotype for God’s sake.
But everyone seems to be consciously ignoring all of this, and Bakugou knows that disrupting the status quo of heteronormativity could potentially lead to the rest of his and Kirishima’s school life being that much more difficult. Not to even mention, depending on who people told, it could affect their careers before they’ve even started.
What hero agency would be willing to take on a gay sidekick? How would it affect how the press reports on them? Would the public accept them?
Before, Bakugou’d always figured he’d just never date, never fall in love, and be a perpetually single Number One Hero, just like All Might. He’d already decided that he never needed anyone else, anyways, and dismissed his attraction to men as a non-issue.
As he looks on at Kirishima rummaging in the fridge for a drink with Kaminari, though, he knows that he’d be miserable trying to live that life, lonely and desperately pining for somebody that’s both right next to him and just out of reach.
Of course, he could always try to have his cake and eat it too. He could confess to Kirishima, and, if his feelings are, in fact, reciprocated, demand that they keep the entire thing under wraps. Kirishima’s so goddamn kind-hearted and self-sacrificing he’d probably agree to it easily enough. He’s always understood the blonde’s desire to be Number One better than most, he’d be ok with making his own life a little bit harder to make sure his best friend achieves that goal.
But as Bakugou’s heart clenches almost painfully as he watches the redhead throw his head back and laugh at something Ashido said, He knows the other boy deserves better than to be someone’s dirty little secret. Kirishima deserves to be loved out loud and publicly.
And what’s more, Bakugou WANTS to love him out loud and publicly. He wants to yell from the rooftops that Kirishima is his, that the beautiful boy who’s stronger than anyone else he’s ever met chose him to be with. He wants the world to know that the two best future heroes in all of U.A., hell, all of Japan, chose each other, because of-fucking-course they did, and fuck anyone who’s got anything to say about it.
“Hey man, you doin’ ok?”
Bakugou’s pulled from his thoughts and looks up to see Kirishima giving him a warm smile.
Now. Do it now.
Bakugou opens his mouth to speak, but quickly snaps it back shut as he realizes he’s never once thought about how he would tell Kirishima all of this. He’s tempted to just be his typical blunt, aggressive self, and just expect the redhead to know exactly what he’s trying to say like he always has, but dammit, he doesn’t want to leave any room for interpretation or misunderstanding. He doesn’t want Kirishima to tell people how they got together and be met with incredulous stares and judgmental laughs.
Bakugou’s going to be the best at everything, dammit, and that includes the best boyfriend, and the best boyfriend doesn’t ask someone out with a vague insult.
He stands there and wracks his brain for any sweet, sentimental words to throw at his best friend, but he’d failed Mount Lady’s Interview Training for a reason, and comes up completely empty.
Kirishima tilts his head, curiosity pulling his eyebrows together, but the smile staying firmly in place. “Bakugou? You good?”
Bakugou looks at his best friend’s growing concern and considers bailing, taking a few days to regroup and come up with a plan so he can make sure he gets it perfect, and then decide on the when and the where and –
Fuck this shit.
Bakugou sets down the soda can he’d been nursing the entire night, eyes the other people still in the kitchen with them, before grabbing Kirishima by the front of his shirt and yanking him forward.
Bakugou hears the other boy make a surprised noise in the back of his throat as he stumbles towards him and forces down the tight anxiety in his chest as he brings them together in a rough kiss.
Bakugou grips the shirt tighter in his fists for a moment as he hears the extras around them gasp and whisper “holy shit” amongst themselves before finally letting go. Kirishima looks at him with wide eyes, pure shock written all over his face, and Bakugou wants to throw up, wants to run back up to his room and never come out because Kirishima didn’t kiss him back, but instead he steels his nerves and forces himself to look the redhead dead in the eye, challenging him to make the next move.
Kirishima blinks up at him once, twice, then finally, finally breaks out in a grin so big it looks almost painful, and Bakugou releases a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding.
He starts to smirk in victory, but Kirishima’s hands shoot forward and grab Bakugou’s shirt in his own hands and then they’re kissing again, joy and relief and excitement coursing through them both, and Bakugou doesn’t even hear the gasps and whispers turn into shrieks and cries of “I knew it!”.
All he can focus on are the warm lips on his and the gel covered spikes in his hands and the one thought playing over and over in his head:
Fuck the rest of you losers, I fucking won.