Archive of Our Own

"We have not touched the stars,

nor are we forgiven, which brings us back

to the hero's shoulders and the gentleness that comes,

not from the absence of violence, but despite

the abundance of it."

- Richard Siken, Snow and Dirty Rain

Soldiers aren't keen on romance, Hange knows this all too well. They fuck hard, if that isn't so obvious. Everything happens behind closed doors and during ungodly hours, when no one can hear those breathy moans and afterglow sighs. Hange heard about this the first time Miche and Nanaba got caught in the supply room of the north wing a week ago. Their assistant Moblit was the one who found the two completely undressed and making lewd sounds while they discovered every spot in their bodies that gave them peak satisfaction. 

Can’t say these things never happen, the other veterans wheezed. 

Stories like these draw Hange Zoe to sex. Stories like these make them dwell on it. Such are the pleasures of the flesh. As a scientist, Hange is fascinated—in the most abysmal and extraordinary ways it’s almost horrifying. Can’t even blame the others for it when they scamper away from Hange once they pipe in on what the best sex position is. Fucking is the next best thing for the Survey Corps who want to feel heaven before they die out on the field. They themself had to interrogate Miche and Nana about what makes sex so radical and enjoyable until the couple freaked out from the absurdity of Hange’s questions. 

Erwin had to give them a warning, but the commander doubted they never did it again. And he doubted that other people never stopped sleeping around.

"What a load of idiots," Levi mutters into his cup of tea when Hange tells him about more soldiers getting caught in reckless misconduct nowadays. "First, we see a rookie turning into a Titan, and now we fucking have the Scouts losing their mind over some goddamn sex."

"Let them be," Hange chides him before he snorts and does an eye-roll. "I think it's very interesting."

Unlike the rest of them, Levi doesn’t seem to be the type. The kind of person who dwells too much on sex. He’s always been too keen and rigid with the ways of the military. Many have already imagined what he’s like in bed, no doubt about that. But Hange has never heard him talk about his sexual prowess, or maybe his awkwardness in it. And although Levi himself has never explicitly stated it, that reckless image probably doesn’t sit well with him.

However, an intellectual like Hange finds it quite outlandish. 

They’ve been asking questions incessantly, mostly wondering what bodies of soldiers look like when they’re naked and vulnerable. They say it’s for research, but it’s more of a genuine curiosity. An unusual awakening. A couple of times they’ve undressed themself in front of a mirror before; Hange couldn’t find anything appealing about their own body. They’ve run their hands down their arms and chest, past their toned stomach, even felt the hair in between their legs. The feeling of pleasure was nowhere present in those slight moments of touch. Just an overwhelming sense of shame. 

"If you’re so curious, Four-Eyes," Levi breaks their train of thought—apparently, he’s been listening all this time, "then go get yourself a partner."

"A partner? That wouldn’t be so bad."

His eyes are still on the report he’s working on. "What kind are you looking for, anyway?"

Hange shifts in the office chair. "I need someone who can tell me things about my body so I can feel good about myself."

"Like a doctor?"

"More like an inspector. Someone who can give me a quality check."

Levi does a half-shrug. "I’m not so bad at giving inspection reports."

"Are you saying you want to see me naked?" Hange asks Levi amidst their own laughter, until they realize the captain really means it. 

He clears his throat and averts his stare for a while, and that’s how Hange gets the hint. In the silence, their gazes lock into each other like wildfire, and then—

"Yes, I’d like to," he says, quietly. 

They leave it at that. 

After dinner at the mess hall, they agree to meet up discreetly in the small space that Hange’s room can provide. Levi probably thinks it’s an offer too good to pass. The idea is quite amusing, almost peculiar. And very much like Hange. Erwin and the other vets be damned should they ever find out. And what excuse should they make? To see someone naked sounds very perverted, and also, unprofessional. To get to know someone even more sounds more like it. 

Contrary to popular belief, the thing about Levi is that likes to take his time, really. The moment they’re both inside their bedroom, he slides their jacket off their shoulders so ineffably slow Hange thinks he’ll never get done. 

"Hurry up." Their breath quivers, and it’s both a mixture of fear and excitement. Hange kicks off their boots to the side. "Why do you have to be so chill?"

Levi doesn’t answer. He merely folds Hange’s jacket in his silence and drapes it by the chair. The straps of their gear fall with a clunk to the ground after he unfastens everything with a certain fervor. Whatever giddiness they had felt a while ago was already gone, because once the captain starts popping one button off another from their top, Hange’s breath hitches as if a thousand years have passed by. Levi’s fingers are deft and nimble, and his ghostly touch burns their skin that Hange wonders if they're even worthy in the first place. 

So much for wanting this so badly. 

He tugs their shirt wide open and fixes his eyes on Hange’s binder, their chest steadily rising and falling. Hange tries to fight the curdling feeling in their gut. 

How does one breathe from the sheer vulnerability of being stripped naked by the strongest among them?

"Take off your pants," he gives Hange a command, even though a section leader technically has a higher rank than a captain. 

They do as they’re told, fingers slightly trembling as they fumble with the zip, letting the fabric pool around their ankles together with the rest of their garments. The coolness around them makes them shiver in the nighttime air. They look down and see the next challenge. Hange’s heart is pounding faster as they try to squirm out of their binder. These things are a challenge to put on, even more so to take off. They hate having to do this in front of him so awkwardly and hope that this doesn’t kill off the mood. When Hange has completely removed their binder, they feel more naked than before. Perhaps something about this unusual kind of intimacy is enough to let them feel—what is it, scared? And there are reasons behind it: imperfections graze their body; a scar the length of a finger travels down their thigh, calluses cover their knuckles, and their thighs aren’t exactly toned for their own taste.

Hange loosens up their ponytail and tucks in a strand of hair behind their ear. "What now?"

"Turn around."

There’s a certain way Levi’s acting around them, almost too cautious, as if they were fragile like glass on the verge of breaking. And his eyes are carnal—hungry, even. He motions Hange to stay still while his eyes trail every bit of skin in sight: the shell of their ear, the valleys of their collarbone down to their chest, even the small curve of their hips. Hange puts their arms in front, self-conscious and cold, but when Levi’s gaze lingers in between their legs, Hange is almost sure that he wants something more. 

Still, the captain doesn’t dare touch them; in fact, it feels like he’s just silently observing, merely scrutinizing, examining. Everything feels so clinical. 

Just like an inspection. 

Seemingly contented, Levi finds himself sitting on Hange’s bed, his eyes not daring to leave their unclad figure even after their shins hit the edge of the frame. 

Hange is still waiting for him to make a move. "What do you think?" 

Maybe this is the time when he’s supposed to pull them in for a kiss. Maybe touch them. Get undressed as well. Feel Hange’s skin against his. Keep the night burning. Do some more. Anything. 

"Hange…" He licks his lips, and something knots in their throat. "You’re wonderful." 

The mattress dips around them and that’s how they know the entire ordeal is over. Before Levi can put on his boots once more, Hange grabs him by the hand, almost startling him. 

"So, that’s it? You only want to look…not touch?" 

They’re still naked, sitting straight up on their bed. There’s a feeling of dismay in them, but Hange’s not quite sure what they’re supposed to dread.

"Yes, that’s it." Levi lets go and prepares to leave. "Thank you." 

The doorknob clicks when he closes the door behind him, ever so silent, and Hange is left wondering if they had done something wrong. 

It feels like failure, this desire to be held. Hange’s brain is latched onto the insignificance of their body for the remainder of the week. Maybe this is what it feels like not to be wanted. To feel so othered, so blatantly different. And they can’t even blame Levi for that matter. It’s not like he did something unforgivable in the first place. He wasn’t even wishing to get laid. In fact, he made sure that he did everything the two of them had talked about, which was to look, and only look, hence, which was nothing much at all. 

Meetings fill up their schedule throughout the week, and Hange attempts their best at avoiding him. They offer to do extra duties, even sweep the barracks floors. When they have free time, it's easy to pretend to be busy. They laugh with the rest of the squad during meal times, seemingly engrossed in the entire conversation. From the corner of their eye, Levi observes them from afar as he sips from his teacup. They clean even more afterwards. Keep their silence. Their distance. Anything but to make conversation.

Hange goes up to Erwin to ask if he has considered their strategy. They’re thinking of splitting up the squads in case of another unprecedented attack. Miche is formidable on his own, and Nanaba is equally strong when allowed to lead. The commander isn’t completely adamant about the idea; he says he’ll think about it. There’s nothing else that Hange can do, except put their faith in him.

What surprises them is when Levi himself shows up along the corridor right after, as if he knows they’d be passing by. "I'm sorry about the other night, if that made you uncomfortable," he says.

Before he lowers his gaze, he makes sure that they can see the sincerity in his eyes.

"No, it's good! You're good." Just hella awkward. And intimidating. The next thing that Hange does is manage a shaky laughter; they're not sure if he's even buying it. "No harm done, right?"

Another nervous smile flashes on Hange's face. They edge past him to end the conversation, but Levi calls out their name once more.  

"Are you heading back to your quarters after the tactical planning?"

Hange doesn't take another step. "Why?"

"I want to see you again." Levi shoves his hands into the pockets of his peacoat and waits for their response. 

The silence stirs for a bit. If this is another chance, so be it. Just the thought of him wanting this is enough to make their heart swell. Hange looks around, making sure they’re completely alone. "Later at 9 pm?"

Levi nods. 

The meeting goes on as follows. Hange has never wanted time to pass by so fast.

Back in their room, Hange checks themself in the mirror once more. They’re naked from the top, feeling the scars on their chest. It's a reminder of who they are—wild and untamed, definitely not held down by society's standards. But the imperfections are still there, visible to the naked eye. 

Then again, it’s not the first time someone has given them a compliment. Levi said he thinks they look wonderful, and Hange took those words to heart. But did he really mean it? Did he really want to spend his time just watching Hange explore their own body? His request rings in their ear. The dim light from the bedside lamp continues to burn. Hange rests their head against the window curtain, pondering. They want to believe him. To trust him when he means what says. More importantly, they definitely want Levi to see them like this.

So Hange puts on a robe and waits.

It's quite too soon when Levi knocks at their door a moment later. Hange pulls themself together before letting him in. The captain enters, silent as usual, and positions himself on the chair facing the bed. 

"Do you want to do something tonight?" Hange offers, but Levi merely sits back. 

He folds his arms and crosses his legs. "I want to watch you touch yourself."

Something is clawing out of their ribs as if this is what they've been expecting. Without another word, Hange disrobes and gets naked once more. They climb on the bed still facing him, their elbows angled in support. The faded sheets wrinkle when Hange leans back against the headboard and spreads their legs wide open, their brown eyes never leaving their guest.

"Like this?"

Levi exhales from want. "Yes, just like that."

Hange shuts their eyes tight and imagines themself being held in tenderness. It begins with a few caresses, some gentle strokes, their own hands on their neck going down to their chest and torso. A slight flinch. They palm the hair right below their navel and sigh, their hips buckling and knees slightly shaking from bending. This is nothing like how they would have imagined it, nothing like the way the other soldiers talk about it when they talk about sex.

Maybe this is supposed to be something enjoyable. Oddly-satisfying, perhaps. So they think of scenarios that could turn them on until their mind is invaded by fantasies. Say, the bathroom floor. The kitchen, the office desk, the garden. Maybe the wilderness. Or, underwater. The more unheard of, the better. When they run a finger between their legs, Hange shudders. It still doesn't feel good, but they hope that Levi is somehow enjoying himself from witnessing this. They play with themself, unaware that a cry has escaped their throat.

Another minute passes and they hear the scraping of the chair against the floor, followed by the soft thud of footsteps. The first thing they see is Levi, no longer seated across them. He hikes one knee up on the mattress. There is something in his expression that Hange doesn't know how to read. 

"Am I doing it wrong?" they ask him.

His face is leaning down, gray eyes heavily-lidded with desire Hange can almost taste it. But he's also concerned. 

"Do you feel good?"

Hange averts their gaze. "No." They squirm in their position because the truth hurts. "No, not at all."

He seems to be thinking, mouth twisted into a frown. "If I touch you, will that make you feel better?"

Their yes is almost a whisper, but it is enough. 

With their consent, Levi’s hand travels over their face, cupping the side of their cheek before he slowly presses his thumb against Hange’s mouth. It feels immaculate. A lifetime of yearning rushes through their body. Their eyes dull from absolution. He pulls down their lower lip and it’s almost seductive, tempting, and Hange can only murmur yes, yes, yes.

But once Hange themself attempts to remove his cravat, Levi only seizes their wrist to stop them. 

"Why? Don’t you want to have sex?" they ask him as if they had made a mistake.

"I don't…" Even if he's still trying to find the right words to say, the captain already sounds apologetic. "I don't really do that."

"Oh." Hange attempts to hide the disappointment in their voice. They don’t know what to make of that, but the desperation is sinking within every second. "Will you still touch me?"

The light flickers in his eyes. Hange supposes that if touch is what they wanted, then he’ll give that to them. 

"Just for tonight," he says. The captain continues to use his hands, palms sliding down their body in devoted fervor, all the light spilling right behind him in the shadows. Outside, the wind howls. And Hange can only look up, desire festering deep inside them like a wound. Their heartbeat thrumming in a cadence they can’t explain, because the way Levi feels every crevice of their body is almost akin to a prayer. Gentle. Slow. Tender. 

"More," they beg.

"More?"

"Yes, more."

He avoids the sensitive spots first and rubs Hange's shoulders slowly, before going down their arms, the back of his fingers scraping against their ribs. The moment he caresses the back of their knees, Hange yelps. Their breath quickens, almost haphazard like the wind. Levi’s hands are doing miracles now that they find themselves in between Hange's legs. He then touches the part where they want him to, the electrifying feeling building up inside them. Without warning, Hange puts one hand on top of his and guides him within their walls until they themself are no longer in control. 

A few more minutes go by and Hange can feel themself on the brink of orgasm, ready to spill themself on their sheets. So this is how it's like to get lost upon discovering one's own body. This exploration of one-self. They let out a moan just to let him know what's coming up, and Levi is only encouraging.

"That's it, yeah, you're so close."

"Levi, I'm gonna, I'm gonna—"

Hange screams out their pleasure thereafter, head spinning from sheer satisfaction, chest completely flushed. They haven't felt this for so long.

The settling calm of their afterglow follows like a gentle breeze. As soon as they're done, Levi cleans up and thanks them once again. He leaves without another word like before. And Hange knows they do not need a reason to understand why.

Darius Zackley brings up the dreaded question on his meeting with the officers of every brigade. They’re all there, Levi and Hange included, scouring through reports for the past month.  Hange can feel themself sweating in their formal coat. Perhaps it's due to the fact that Levi's sitting right beside them without doing anything improper. It pays to be civil and professional in public; no one needs to know what happens when the two of them are alone. 

"Have you already decided on your successor, Erwin?" 

There’s a small smile playing on Erwin’s face. "I’ve never imagined you wanted me to die so badly, Prime General." 

Deep, booming laughter erupts from Zackley. The meeting hall shakes with amusement. Even the other soldiers are snickering. They all know he’s joking, and that this is just military protocol in case the worst happens. Even the Garrison and Military Police already know who are the persons succeeding their incumbent commanders, respectively.

"As you all know, we can’t be too complacent about the future status of the military," Zackley explains. "The sooner we accept that all of us are going to be replaced someday in our positions, the better." 

Pixis and Nile offer suggestions, names of soldiers, ranks all lower in comparison to the rest of them—they’re all men, the brash and brawny type. Some of them are not even directly from the Scouting Legion; Zackley can transfer his soldiers as he pleases. There are harsh murmurs, prejudices. It’s quite clear they’re ruling out those who they deem weak and incapable.

Erwin raises his hand to speak. "The Survey Scouts need a leader who can command, and at the same time, listen," he begins. The commander’s voice is deep and insistent, enough to silence the rest of them. "I believe we should consider anyone with an outstanding wit and a solid devotion to the cause. Regardless of background. Or gender."

"Surely, you don’t mean to pick someone not on the list?" Nile is dumbfounded. Everyone else can smell trouble brewing. The leader of the Military Police has his pride talking. 

Erwin’s eyes travel to Hange, but he doesn’t say anything else. Hange fidgets even more uncomfortably in their seat. They don’t know why, but they have never felt so small. A ruckus has already started among the officers. Nile is enraged at the very idea of working with someone else he doesn’t get along with. Pixis is reminding him that this isn't his decision to make, but the other top brass are backing the latter up. 

The time continues to tick, and Hange has never wanted to walk out of a meeting so badly. Before they can do so, Levi reaches out for them underneath the table. He doesn't say anything. His touch is reassuring, enough to calm them down. His thumb runs once, twice over the ridges of their veins, before his forefinger wrests on the dip of their spindly wrist. Hange is keen on pulling their hand out, but his grip remains firm, steady. 

More raised voices fill the room, and Erwin is already fighting a headache. The bickering finally stops once the Prime General slams his fist on his desk. He’s had enough. 

Clearing his throat, Zackley leans forward, hands clasped and elbows on the table. "Send me a list of your candidates, Erwin," he beckons. The tension is already dying down. "I’d like to hear you out."

As soon as the meeting is adjourned, Levi lets go of them. Hange's hand settles on the top of their leg, feeling emptier than before.

The entire arrangement between them has become routine by now. Hange gets naked; he watches. It's quite simple. More often than not, all he does is observe. Sometimes, if he's feeling generous, he'll help them take off their clothes. Rub their shoulders to ease their nerves, maybe. And Hange knows better than to beg. 

They don’t complain. Neither do they ask for anything else. Nor do they make a fuss about the fact that this is probably all that they will ever be, despite wanting more.

"Tiring day?"

Levi offers to slide off their boots while they're sitting on the bed.

"Zackley is being difficult." Hange is discarding their top like they've been wanting to do this since morning. They plop right back down as soon as they shimmy out of their pants. "Said we should wait for Erwin's signal before we do anything reckless." 

"Fair enough," he says, slowly dragging their underwear down to their ankles.

But this is beyond reckless. Them doing this non-sex, non-love ordeal each night. Of course, neither of them mentions that. Hange doesn’t even know what to call this entire arrangement in the first place. Fuck buddies? Not quite. The two of them haven’t gone down that route. Lovers? Not even close. 

Whatever this is—this peculiarity, this unorthodox, this queerness—it’s very enticing. 

Once all of Hange's clothes are on the floor, Levi settles everything on the mattress and remains kneeling in front of them.

"What are you doing?"

His answer comes in the form of a kiss on Hange's knees. Chapped lips skimming the fading bruises on that part of their body. When his fingers make their way down the length of their legs, Levi can feel the suppleness of the underside of their thighs. The ridges from their gear have left an outline, a pattern, for Levi and Levi alone to trace on their skin. His other hand reaches out for their foot and gently rubs it. A massage for one. He makes small circles on the heel of Hange’s foot before pressing hard.

Levi looks up at Hange, gray eyes glinting in the dim light. "You like that?"

It’s ticklish enough to leave Hange laughing uncontrollably, arms supporting their stomach from joy. Despite the yearning, they never knew this part of intimacy could be so somewhat comfortable. Hange is very much aware that he’s giving this as a tease, but they’ll enjoy it all the same. Their hair falls down onto their shoulders, wild and messy just like them.

Hange's grinning. "I can get used to this."

"I really hope you don’t."

And then his mouth is back on them, Hange's knees now slightly hiked up, the ball of their heels resting on his shoulders. Levi leaves invisible prints as he drags his lips even slowly. If only his skin could melt into theirs. Hange tilts their chin up and lets out a moan. Nothing comes quite close to this. They can barely keep their legs together, so Hange allows themself this moment to relax until warmth floods out of them. The lamp glows brighter from the corner of their eye. 

As soon as Hange grabs a fistful of his hair to direct him, Levi doesn’t hesitate; he bends his neck even lower to taste the saltiness of their skin, tongue scraping against the side of their thighs. He takes and takes and takes, and then the hours fade into the night. 

They wanted to keep on giving, if only it could last.

Sometimes they have days they can’t explain. They're treading deep waters to the point of no return. Levi brings in a bottle of red wine to his room and invites Hange after a long week. The latter had just gone back and forth to the capital and the old headquarters, limbs all exhausted from the constant travel. Hange says they want something to spice things up for tonight, so Levi ties their hands behind them upon Hange's insistence. He manages to secure it tightly without hurting their wrist. They keep their shirt wide open while Levi lets them sit on their haunches by the mattress, their back facing him. A blindfold covers their eyes, lending only to the sounds around them.

Maybe they’ll learn a different kind of intimacy for tonight.

"Is this another of your kinks or something?" Hange teases him, sly. The more and more they learn about what turns him on, the less and less they feel ashamed of their nakedness.

There's a popping sound of a cork followed by the slight shuffle of footsteps towards them. Hange turns their head to find the source of the sound until Levi pushes his thumb against their mouth.

"Open," he says.

Hange does so, lips slightly parted, and Levi tells them, Wider. His entire thumb slides right in between their teeth, the saltiness filling in their tongue as Hange takes as much as they can. Once their mouth is gaping wide open, he pries his thumb away and replaces it with the cold rim of the bottle. The red wine runs smoothly down their throat. Levi pours some more with much finesse and precision from a certain height, enough for Hange to find it appealing. It’s a shame that no one has come close to making them feel this. How no one really understood them. Brief images of past lovers flash in their mind, fingers always pointing at them. It was always what they were lacking, never about what they could be. They’ve been taunted, jeered, judged, painted with disdain and inadequacy to the point of hating who they are.

As Hange recollects those moments, a whimper escapes them. They choke on the wine, only for Levi to tilt the bottle back up. 

"No, keep going," they cough. A drop runs down the corner of Hange's mouth. "I can take more."

"You sure?"

"Positive."

He waits a few more seconds and angles it down once more into their open mouth. Hange drinks the wine like manna raining down from heaven, lapping at the liquid spilling into them. They could drown in nothing but this. Even though they don’t want to admit it, Hange thirsts for the slightest ounce of Levi’s affection. Just like a dog begging for scraps. It sounds so pathetic to even call it that. This love-lust-want of theirs that never seems to find the right place.

As soon as Hange taps out from drinking, Levi deposits the bottle on his bedside table and forces them back on all fours with his hand, ass up, forehead down. Their breath heaves with anticipation, shoulders aching from hands still bound.

"Tell me if we need to stop," he says, taking out a jar of oil from his drawer. The chilling air hits the back of their thighs, but the captain himself only spreads their legs further apart from behind, his fingers already slick with oil. He's careful to maintain his distance from Hange.

"Are you gonna—"

Levi pushes a finger into the furl of their hole. Hange can feel themself getting full, walls stretching inside them. Time stops when he traces the rim with their thumb. The flames from the candle flicker in the dark. Just as he inserts another finger, Hange is choking back a sob, biting their lip to stop themself from doing so. They can take this. They have no intention of stopping, not at all. This is the closest thing to Levi being inside them. Another minute passes by and Hange shifts in their position, back already sore from bending like this, muscles constricting. Levi props them up again, one arm supporting them by the stomach to prevent them from falling directly into the mattress.

They wonder how much of their ritual has been given away, how much has Levi taken this to memory in the flickering light. This vulnerability is part of their humanity. Nothing else matters, not even the fact that they’re only soldiers trying to keep up with life. Hange is already panting at this point, completely wet and aroused, eyes stinging from the intensity. Levi’s fingers are still inside them.

"Cum for me, Hange," he says.

Hange cries his name out.

Everything goes dark.

Passing out on the linen sheets of Humanity’s Strongest is the last thing Hange has ever expected to happen. It’s quite embarrassing, to say the least. Hange blinks away the sleep from their eyelids, the smell of sex all around, vision still black. After a failed attempt  to roll over on their back, it dawns on them that they’re still tied up, mouth dry and muscles straining from the uncomfortable position. 

Levi comes out of the bathroom just in time. "Are you awake?"

"Sort of." They stifle a yawn, their throat quite hoarse. Levi takes out his pocket knife and cuts the cords binding Hange's wrists, allowing them to finally sit up and remove the handkerchief covering their eyes. He slides their glasses into their palm, only for Hange to wince upon massaging the sore spots on their skin. "How long have I been out?"

"An hour tops."

Did he enjoy seeing them like this, hog-tied and blindfolded on his bed? Did he merely watch while they were sleeping? Or did he wish to wake them up and ask them to leave? Perhaps Hange will never find out. But this they know: that Levi can be trusted, and that he would never touch them without their consent.

"I guess I should go." They inch closer to the edge of the mattress in search of their clothes on the floor. 

"There’s still some wine left," Levi states the implication so plainly. It’s obviously a hint to stay. 

To Hange, it’s a plea.

The two of them finish the rest of the bottle, wine glasses clinking in cheers, both legs crossed on his bed. Hange is in one of his robes; the hem is an inch higher above the knees, but the entirety of it fits them comfortably snug. Levi remains fully-clothed, calmly finishing his wine as if there’s nothing unusual with this setup. 

If Hange cranes their neck down, they can smell the faint whiff of pine sheets and mint tea on the robe—the captain’s scent. They no longer know what’s happening, who they are to him, and who he is to them. Their relationship is quite stifling. Surely, Hange would consider them friends. They still bicker in front of their fellow soldiers and assist each other in their workload. But friends don’t know each other’s bodies the way they do. Or the way Levi does with theirs. 

Once the silence has gone far too long, Hange finds the courage to break it. "What should I call you next time?" 

"What do you mean?"

"Do you just want me to moan out your name while I cum?" Hange is being playful while they sip the wine from their glass. "Think about it! I could call you Captain, but that would be so awkward just hearing others say that out loud at work."

"You’ve never even called me Captain in the first place."

"Ah, I suppose that’s true."

Imagine how it would be like to be able to call Levi something else. My beloved. My darling. My one and only. The light of my life. The possibilities are endless. There's a growing list at the back of their mind, but only a few have stuck to them: a friend with benefits. A partner in bed. An almost lover. 

Oh how they wanted to rest their head on his shoulder. To hold his hand, their fingers fitting into the spaces between his. To whisper sweet nothings to him before going to sleep. But this kind of intimacy should be enough for now. Somehow, they're even liking it.

"You can call me whatever you want." He shrugs. "Honestly, I just want to watch you get naked, but it seems like you need help once in a while."

The way he says it so casually keeps them appalled. They aren’t a lovesick adult in their 30s. They are an exhausted soldier who doesn’t know what the future holds. And Levi’s distaste for sex has nothing to do with them.

Hange pushes back on the headboard and chuckles, "What an odd arrangement this is." 

"It's not going to last forever." 

"Whatever. I'll make the most of it before it’s gone." They down the rest of their wine and look at his drink. Having toast is indeed a peculiar way to end this night. "Are you done with that?"

Levi hands them his empty glass with a small thanks before Hange stands up. He stretches out his legs on his bed, completely aware of the empty space beside him where Hange had sat.

"We can end this whenever you like," he says once they’ve deposited the glasses by the counter. "I won’t take it against you if we stop." 

A sharp pang of pain hits their heart. This is reality: the two of them are only giving each other satisfaction in the most minute of ways, and Hange knows they can simply go with the flow. Whatever lightness of their conversation they had a while ago already dissipated. They can’t simply imagine what they would do if that day ever comes. Would they want to scream, so that's it? Fuck you, did you just use me all along? Would they freak out? Thrash his pillows? Flip the table? Cause a commotion enough to wake the other soldiers up? Say, You’re just like the rest of them. 

But Hange Zoe is strong enough to persist in self-control.

They turn around slowly and see the truthfulness in his eyes. Levi’s waiting, hands still on his lap as he sits on the bed. If they stare into the grayness even more, maybe Hange can also see the pain.

So instead of lashing out on him, all they say is, "Very well." 

Hange unties their robe and lets it fall to the floor.

The days go by like there’s no warning in the skies. The Scouts are out training on the fields. The sun’s sweltering heat is unforgivable, scorching their skin. With the way Eren’s transformation is going haywire, the commander can only prepare his soldiers for the worst. 

After a long round of laps, all of them are beyond exhausted. Most of the women are now clad in their chemise and tank tops while a few men have removed their shirts to cool themselves down, backs rippling and muscles tense from all the strenuous exercise. Even Erwin has already stripped from the waist up.

Hange is fanning themself while they sit on a rock by the edge of the river, knees submerged in water. They’re laughing as they chat with Nanaba, both of them in their binders. Sneakily, Gelgar comes up from behind to surprise the two, splashing water at them. Without warning, Miche pushes Nanaba into the river as well. She shrieks, taking the tall man with her. The other Scouts join in their water fight, even the 104th. Someone dives into the river with a whooping yell. It’s Jean. More laughter. 

Within a few minutes, all of them are having fun as if they’d never seen the wrath of war.

Levi is watching from the shade, shirt discarded on the grassy field. His horse is right behind him, gnawing on some hay. If only things could be like this forever, he’d probably have retired as a soldier a long time ago. 

Wearing their pants rolled up to their knees, Hange comes up to him completely drenched in their clothing. There’s a smile on their face. The wind rustles, shaking the leaves from the tree. They look up, pluck an apple from a low-hanging branch, and hand it to him. Levi takes the fruit with gratitude before biting into the freshness of it. Hange sits down right next to him.

"This must be a feast for your eyes, huh?" With a slight nudge of their head, they gesture to all their comrades from afar.

"It’s not the same." 

"Oh? Pray tell." Hange takes a swig from their canteen, fresh water quenching their thirst. "Is it because they don’t ask if you want to see them naked in private?"

"Don’t push your luck," he hopes not to give himself away, but his cheeks are already blazing red. 

Hange throws their head back in laughter. His blushing is enough to make them snicker. If they have no intention of seeing the captain on a bad day, they’d have to let the teasing slide. Then again, a riled-up and flustered Levi isn't something they'd normally see.

The others are now drying themselves up, twisting the hem to squeeze the water out of their clothes. Any minute now and the vets will probably join them where they both are.

So instead, they attempt another conversation with him. "There’s something I don’t understand about you." Hange leans against the tree trunk. "You’re Humanity’s Strongest, but you don’t flaunt your title." 

He lets out a snort. "And so? I never asked for that."

"Beats me. If I were you, I’d sleep with anyone who wants me."

His horse neighs right behind them. Levi gets to his feet and feeds the rest of the fruit to his horse. Hange can see the muscles on his back hardened by years and years of training. Just like theirs, there are also marks left by the gear across his back and shoulders. In a flash, Levi gets slobbered in drool after the stallion licks his face. The animal is braying at him in delight. Hange thinks he’d be mad, but all he does in response is stroke the mane of his steed. They then wonder how gentle he can be with his touch when it isn’t meant for them.

"There’s more to sex than that. It’s all about having a connection," he finally speaks. He raises an eyebrow at them. "And it doesn’t happen more often than you think."

"So, does that mean we’re connected in some way?"

That got him. His words reveal too much of himself, and they both know it.

To spare himself of the trouble, he brings out his handkerchief from his pocket and proceeds to wipe his hands clean. Hange watches the way he’s so calm and collected. Just like before, he’s taking his time to meticulously rub the fabric between his fingers, as if he’s been itching to get the dirt from his skin. 

Levi's bare chest deflates as he sighs, "Hange, you drive me crazy."

The thing about intimacy is that it's love coming to fruition. The thing about the two of them is that they have no idea what to do when it finally comes. Levi says he wants nothing else except to watch Hange touch themself for tonight. They’re on the cushioned chair by the bed, legs parted and ankles latched on both sides of the armrest. He’s squatting right in front of them, waiting with bated breath as Hange tries to play with themself, fingers sliding in and out of them.

Earlier this afternoon, the Scouts just got back from the latest expedition. To say it was a disaster is an understatement; Levi's squad got wiped out and Eren was almost taken captive by the enemy, if not for Mikasa and the captain's intervention. The culprit is still at large. It also doesn't help that Levi's foot is gravely injured, causing him to limp with every step.

Hange is trying to put it past them. Within moments, they arch their back, imagining that every nerve of their being is on fire. Sweat drops from their forehead; goosebumps form on their skin. The chair creaks from the slightest motion. They go in circles at first then in sweeping strokes. And yet, nothing. They feel empty, like a hollow shell, a long tunnel stretched beyond them. 

After a minute or so, they drop their hand to the side. 

"Sorry, I’m really trying…" their voice trails off as they groan in defeat, legs still fidgeting from the discomfort. 

"I’ll look away," he offers, and Hange attempts again. 

It’s hard being too self-conscious and insecure all the time. They squirm, fingers not sure and trembling. Their lips quiver at the uncertainty, but they’ll have to keep going. 

While Hange is still figuring it out, he walks around their room and runs a hand across the hardbounds on their shelf. The titles glisten as he heavily slides his fingers through them one by one. It’s amazing how one can amass so many reads in their lifetime. And Hange themself is quite intelligent. They’ve even taught him formal writing as soon as they found out that Levi has had no real education in his younger years. Perhaps something in him also wants to teach Hange something in return.

"I can’t…" Their breath staggers. It feels like birds thrashing in their ribcage. "I can’t do it."

"Yes, you can." 

"Can’t you at least touch me?" 

They have been dying to touch him, but they feel so unworthy. Like he is god and Hange is mere mortal. As if they will disintegrate the moment he plucks them out of a garden full of thorns. Where everything else withers and dies.

Just being vulnerable in the presence of Humanity’s Strongest is already too much to handle. 

Levi goes back to where they are. After unraveling his cravat, he then blindfolds them with it so they focus with minimal distractions. 

"I’m not going to touch you this time around," he says. "You’ll have to help yourself."

To spoil them so much at first and then take everything away all at once makes them even more upset. Nevertheless, they have to get to know their body even more. Hange slides their hand back in between their legs. "Keep talking, then. Don’t stop."

"I won’t as long as you don’t hold back."

Indeed, they don't hold back. Hange increases the pressure with their fingers, ribs already aching. They switch from pumping real fast to going for deep, long strokes. Their back arches from the sensual pleasure that has been rolling in them like a tide, heat pooling deep inside them. Why are they even trying so hard to please him? Hange already knows that their orgasm is theirs and theirs alone. Levi has reminded them that time and time again. It’s what makes them powerful on their own. It’s also what makes them fear themself. 

"Oh. Oh."

"That's it. Keep going."

Another whimper. "Levi, I’m close…"

"You're almost there," he whispers in their ear. They’ve never felt so dirty at being so pleased with themself. They’ve never felt good enough, never felt that they deserve this. Unable to take it any longer, Hange grabs hold of his arm for support, their nails digging into his skin. He doesn’t brush them off and lets them grip him even more, their lips ready to split from biting too much. 

"Fuck, ah, fuck."

"You look so good," he encourages them, who's panting now more than ever. "I want you just like that, Hange."

"I’m coming—"

"Hold it in a little bit more."

Their grip tightens, fingers desperately clutching onto him. "I can’t—"

"Say my name."

"Levi, I—"

"Louder."

Toes curling, they let out one last gasp of his name before they climax, vision almost blacking out. Their hand loosens up from his shirt, numb. They reek of their own scent, and Hange isn’t even proud of it. "Great, I just came."

After he removes the cravat covering their eyes, he hands them a few tissues to wipe themself up. "How do you feel?"

"Like shit. And don’t patronize me. I’ve already gotten used to your way of speaking." 

They slip on their pants and tie up their hair. Levi hands them a glass of water to refresh themself. Throat bobbing, Hange finishes it in a few gulps, ultimately soothing their parched throat.

Once they pass it back to him, they continue putting on the rest of their clothes. They’ve never wanted the silence so badly, never wanted to explain themself. 

And that’s when Levi speaks. "You don’t need anyone else to make yourself feel good, Hange."

Something finally breaks in them. 

Hange stops buttoning their shirt, exasperated. "What the hell do you know about me?" They don't know where this anger is coming from, but they continue to glare at him. "You have no idea what I’m going through. You think you’re better than me because you can control me however you want?"

They know they have crossed a line. 

If it were up to them, Hange would have preferred to have him scream back at them. Have him punish them for their insolent mouth. Let him do things to them. Allow him to drive himself into their body until they fall apart.

However, Levi merely exhales. "You’re right. I don’t know shit about you, Hange. But I know what it’s like to be ashamed of your own body. That's all."

He doesn't explain any further and briskly bids them goodnight.

They go looking for him first thing after the meeting. Many of the Scouts are doing last-minute preparations; tomorrow, they'll have to go neck-and-neck with two other Titans inside the walls. After several incessant pursuits, Hanga finally convinces Erwin to consider their strategy. He says he’ll put that tactic to use in the next mission. They themself don't have family to write to—their far-flung relatives could barely care about them—and neither does Levi. Maybe death will be kinder to both of them.

Once they spot him in his office, Hange bangs their fists hands firmly on his desk, making Levi look up. "I'm getting tired of all these riddles,” they say. He’s still recuperating, but like hell Hange would stop thinking about his words the other night until they have all the answers. "We could die anytime of any day, but this will haunt me even in my grave."

"What do you want to know?”

"Everything about you." 

If they die today, at least they’ll die learning something about him. Hange doesn’t dare take their eyes off Levi, the seconds drifting by. There has to be more to him than just being a hero. Has to be more than someone who takes pleasure in seeing them naked.

Levi sits back and fixes his stare towards the window. "Hange…I don't even understand who I am."

"Then start with what you know." Their eyes spark with encouragement. 

If there's anyone else who could listen to his problems without passing judgment, it's Hange, and Hange alone.

"Meet me later tonight," he tells them.

A broken man weathered by war and devastation, he finally opens up with his upbringing in the underground city, of his mother’s illness and untimely demise. Kenny Ackerman had found him lying emaciated on Kuchel’s deathbed and immediately left as soon as Levi could fend for himself. Hange has already heard about this from other soldiers’ gossip; the neverending talk of Humanity’s Strongest origins has always circulated in rumors. 

But hearing this directly from him is ten times more painful. 

He’s sitting on the floor as he tells this, knees folded and tucked in his arms, his back resting against the mattress. Hange is listening intently, lying sideways on their bed, waiting for him to continue. From the corner of their eye, his leg twitches. It's his injury. That's what it is. If he were completely healed, maybe they would have done something else tonight.

Hange prods him with a question: "You said you had nowhere else to go so you came back to where your mother…" Died? Spent her life selling her body? Forced into a profession she didn’t want? 

"After Kenny had left me, I didn’t want to steal or beg for food at first. The brothel keeper said I could stay. In exchange for…" Levi swallows hard. "I was only a few years’ short of being legal, so he made me do chores and run errands first. But the moment I came of age, he said I could also make use of my body, if I wanted to."

He proceeds to admit that he himself had partaken in these frivolous acts underground. That many had touched him in places where his body sings. That he had no choice but to learn how to want it. That for the longest time, he himself had felt so dirty.

"I’m sorry, I never knew…"

The more Hange listens, the more it finally dawns upon them that Levi is the epitome of melancholy. That his story explains everything. That this is all he can give for now—his presence, his kindness, his attention to them.

It makes sense why his body can no longer be held by anyone else apart from himself. For all they knew, Levi was just dirt in the Underground, if not for his instincts to make it out of that place alive.

Remorse rushes down on Hange, but they know better not to show it. Humanity’s Strongest doesn’t want to be pitied. The captain goes on to mention that he’s had friends who helped him heal overtime. They had to pilfer and loot  to survive every day in that decrepit place. There’s the hurt in his smile as he recollects the good and bad times with them. Hange remembers who those two are and regrets that they didn’t get a chance to know them even more. 

After a long pause, the captain finally says, "That’s probably enough storytelling for today."

Once he gets on his feet, Hange reaches out for his hand. "Levi..." Their eyes are kind. He slowly looks over his shoulder before Hange continues, "Thank you. For trusting me."

Levi gives them a single nod. "Go to sleep. I’ll lock the door."

He shuts off the lights, but Hange can only toss and turn in the dark.

Being so touch-starved and sex-brained really isn't a good combination. Hange is close to finding some cheap bastard who would want to sleep with them. There’s probably one random civilian in the capital who would take up on their offer. But they know temporary pleasures from sexual gratification do not last long. Hange wouldn’t touch a fellow soldier, either. Their comrades are off-limits. Levi is the sole exception. Hence, the solution is to delay it as much as they can, even though they know it’s not healthy in the long-run.

It does keep them distracted from the life of a soldier, though. Another failed mission was something they weren't expecting. Erwin files a report for the total body count. The Scouts had to suffer the loss of Miche and Nanaba, along with several other veterans. The entire military had almost lost the commander after his arm got bitten off by a Titan. Hange was beyond despair; they held onto the remains of their comrades before Levi had to whisk them away. It was their fault, in some way. They were the one who suggested splitting up when the titans attacked.

After finishing up with his meeting with Erwin, Levi heads to Hange's quarters only to find them already naked in the tub, water up to their folded knees. They sit in contemplation, not even daring to meet his comprehending gaze once he leans on the door.

"Do you want me to leave?"

Hange shifts, pulling their knees tighter towards them. Something in the way they look breaks his heart. In addition to the burns they’ve sustained from the Colossal Titan’s heat, their fingernails are crusted with dirt, and there’s dried blood on Hange’s face. Levi knows whose it is. 

"No, just stay here," they say. The water remains motionless. And then Hange adds, "You can touch me if you want."

His eyes linger on them for a moment. It also feels like forever, until Levi unravels his cravat. Hange can hear him unbuttoning his shirt, the slight rustle of fabric filling their ears. This is the first, him getting naked with them. Levi discards his pants and hangs his clothes up behind the door. As soon as he's completely unclothed, he edges near the tub.

"Can I?"

A realization finally clicks in their brain. "And your injury?"

"My leg can handle it."

Hange makes room for him as he enters the tub and positions himself behind Hange, water sloshing around them before settling into the calm. He gently takes hold of Hange by the shoulders and lets their back rest against his chest. He cups a handful of water and lets it trickle down their arm. Hange winces. There are bruises on their skin, blisters already forming. He does it again, this time on their hair, water droplets now streaming down Hange's face.

After he reaches out for a towel, he scrubs the blood off their cheek with light flicks, the tip of his fingers grazing their skin. They try to endure the pain for a while, eyes cast down. He dips it into the water once more, forearms tense, and cleans the grime off their forehead.

And then, Hange finally breaks.

They stifle their sobs, trying to let go of the hurt. They fail when the tears keep stinging as they continue to spill. Hange makes another attempt to still themself, but a dam has already burst inside them. As if the world around them is in shambles and there is no consolation to it.

Not knowing what else he can do, Levi simply holds them tight and murmurs into their hair, "I'm sorry." 

That's all he says, and Hange wonders if those two words are enough to carry the weight of everything else in the world.

The only way to speak of Levi is in fragments: late-night small talks, empty glasses of wine, his damp mouth on their body, slender fingers that never seem to placate themselves of want. How does one uproot all of these from their mind? It haunts Hange to no end.

With Levi out of commission, the rest of them have to deal with all this uproar over who gets to take custody of Eren. The MPs are furious when Zackley orders to let the rookie remain with the Scouts. And they still have the mystery behind the walls to think about. It's one problem on top of another. But Erwin puts his trust on Hange. He had placed Pastor Nick in their care, hoping he'd speak, but the man was true to his faith even until death. Hange was calling the shots when they learned of more Titans inside the walls. 

They're still grieving over the death of their friends, but the Scouts are relying on them. There are hearsays—along corridors, in meeting rooms, even in the mess halls. It sounds harsher when Hange hears it in their mind: the captain is fucking the section leader. And they can’t even go and correct them, he isn’t, he just likes watching me get naked. It sounds so superficial. Ridiculous, even. But Hange can no longer give a damn. The thing about them with Levi has become an afterthought, a distraction, a way to keep their mind off their responsibilities. There was never a part about falling in love. 

It finally stops when Moblit confronts Hange to cut off this nonsense. Says he will report this to the commander if it persists. This is the same Moblit who’d go to the ends of the world with them, the very same one who’s been with them through thick and thin. 

"I know it's none of my business, but I'm concerned, Section Leader," he says. "We all are." 

And indeed, Erwin does call for them within a day. Hange thinks they’re getting reprimanded, sanctioned, court-martialed for this lascivious behavior. It’s what they deserve, after all. Maybe this is the end of their career as a soldier; maybe they ought to consider retiring far north, toiling in a field, waiting for old age to arrive, if they’d ever live that far enough. 

Erwin says he’s not sure about his future; he has no idea what the MPs have up their sleeves, but he can’t remain complacent about his status anymore. With that, he's finally chosen who will be the next in line as commander.

Before he makes the announcement, the commander takes a deep breath and closes his eyes.

"It’s you, Hange. No one else comes close." His blue, blue eyes are shining. Erwin is waiting for their reaction. He admits he hasn’t officially announced it yet, but the decision is final, nevertheless.

"And this came without any contention?" Hange is suspicious. Even Moblit is shocked to hear the news. 

"Zackley had doubts at first, but I told him I wouldn’t pass the title on to anyone else." Erwin looks at them with much respect and admiration. "What do you say, Hange?"

They never saw themself as a leader. There's no one next in line, that's what it is. All the others are dead or disinterested. Erwin is just being too formal. Maybe he would have thought of someone else if he weren’t running out of time. But Hange knows sooner or later, they will have to keep up with it. They can already hear all the rebuttals, the judgments left and right, the neverending question, why?

"You’ve chosen wrong, Erwin."

When Levi comes over to their room the next night, he’s not expecting Hange to be nursing a drink, moping in a corner. He takes a few strides towards them, but they don’t seem to care much and would rather keep their eyes on the wall across them. 

"I heard about the news,” he says. “Congratulations."

"It was supposed to be you." The beer bottle rolls out of their hand and into the floor, spilling the last few drops. Hange’s definitely not themself. "I thought he'd choose you."

Levi kneels down so they can see eye-to-eye. "You know I could never."

"Please." Hange snorts. They want to say, Lay down with me. You're all I ever wanted and worth begging for all along. "All this being high and mighty is finally paying off for you." 

Their words slur with every syllable it’s too painful to listen to that Levi has no choice but to pull Hange into his arms. His nose twitches upon smelling alcohol on their breath. Still, he doesn’t let go.

"It will be alright, Hange." He slides one hand down their back, while hooking the other underneath their knees to lift them up. Hange doesn't protest. They can feel him struggling with their weight, his knees straining at first, but all they can do is rest their head against his shoulder.

They're just two people, broken and traumatized by their past, clutching to each other. Death has passed them by on so many occasions at this point, and Hange wonders when their time will finally come.

He walks them back to the bed and lays them down on the sheets. Hange remains motionless. They're staring at the ceiling, even though Levi is just right there, observing. Everything feels so forlorn and weary. 

Hange finally forces their gaze unto him. "Touch me, Levi."

With a slight nod, he swiftly removes Hange’s shirt like clockwork, sliding his hands underneath their binder, feeling nothing but their warmth. Hange can close their eyes and dream of paradise from this. Levi then proceeds to make quick work of Hange's pants, pulling it down their bare legs. It’s the fastest record-time so far. He places a hand on their arm to caress them. Every touch is heightened, every absence of it magnified. They can feel his mouth on their jaw, his hand on their throat, his fingers blossoming everywhere on every gap and crevice of their being.

Maybe this is what it really means to be intimate with someone they can’t have. 

"Do you like this?" After kissing every inch of their shoulder, Levi rests his head on Hange's collarbones. He can hear their heartbeat thrumming like the drums from a distance.

"I don't know. I just want you inside me right now." The words ring nicer instead of fuck me, fuck me hard, Levi. 

Levi lifts his head up to meet their eyes. He  can sense the sadness in them. Maybe now that they're completely broken and vulnerable, he will relent to their request.

"Hange, we…" He quickly removes his weight on them. "We can't do this."

He climbs down the bed and starts putting on his boots. Hange knows he’s just being true to his words. But it’s only over when they say so. "That’s it, you’re just gonna walk away?"

"This is part of our deal, Hange." Levi doesn't even face them. "You're drunk and stressed out. Maybe we both need some time to process things on our own." 

He's about to open the door when Hange speaks in a hushed tone: "You feel sorry for me, don't you?"

Levi exhales, letting go of the knob. Lecturing is not his thing. "Hange, if you don't feel good about yourself, sex will only make things worse." 

"How dare you—"

He swivels on his heel to face them. "You deserve love, Hange. And I love you, maybe not in a way you understand." He lets those words settle in the air. "Sometimes I wonder if you actually love yourself in the first place."

Hange opens their mouth for a rebuttal. Nothing comes out. The anger in them intensifies, followed by frustration, yearning, betrayal, hurt. They know he has a point, but even more so, Hange hates it when they're wrong.

They don't speak to each other for a while. It’s as if the wall between the two of them has solidified, or that Hange themself has turned into stone. And Levi, a god on his own accord, will have to touch them so they can feel human once more. 

Under Erwin’s orders, the Scouts have been told to lie low far from the headquarters. Hange spends their time discussing formation strategies with their squad inside an abandoned cottage. Hours and hours of outlining plans keep them preoccupied nowadays. Erwin's Long-Range Scouting Formation isn't the most practical method when they have significantly less people than before, so they attempt to modify it, creating blueprints in their mind before jotting everything down. In addition to that, their experiments with Eren do not seem to bear fruit. 

After a long stretch of work, they give themself a break. They’re staring at the window, somehow mesmerized by the awning beyond them. How beautiful it would be to see past the walls. Levi had told them this the last time they had lain in his bed after coming for him. It’s only been a few days, but it feels so long ago. Hange runs a hand down their throat, trying to push away the thought of Levi in their mind. His touch is still there. It's enough of a reminder that he loves them in bits and pieces that he himself can only afford.

"Section Leader, are you alright?" Nifa waves at them, reluctant.

Hange’s vision came to focus once more. They put down their hand and clear their throat. “Sorry, Nifa. Go on, I'm listening.”

"As I was saying, my mama used to say I should come home and get married for real. Did you know that, Section Leader? Before I joined the Scouts, they had arranged for me to get wed to a total stranger."

Nifa then proceeds to describe all the wedding preparations her parents had set for her, as well as the backlash she had received as soon as they found out that she was entering the military. It was a simple white veil adorned with pearls, Nifa mentions. Her mama was about to pass it down to her. Hange imagines what it would be like if they themself could marry Levi, if life would ever allow themself that kind of happiness. Just the two of them walking side by side, arms linked in bliss.

"What did you tell your parents?"

The girl merely shrugs. "I told them my life is mine and mine alone."

Hange manages a tender smile. "Oh, Nifa. I wish I could be brave like you."

"Sometimes I wonder what my life would have been had I followed their wishes,” Nifa rests her hands on her supervisor’s desk. “I'm still scared of dying, though. Even though It's inevitable. We'll have to face it sooner or later."

Hange squeezes Nifa's hand. "Our deaths as soldiers will never be in vain as long as there are people who remember to dedicate their hearts.” It’s a speech they’ve heard before. They sound very much like Levi, and they know it. “And as your commanding officer, I'll do my best to fight alongside you until the end."

When Nifa smiles, dimples appear on her cheeks. "You're too kind, Section Leader. Regardless of how long or short it may be, I want you to live a happy life." 

The last three words echo in their mind. There it is again, that dream-like vision in their head: Levi reaching out for them, smiling, even though it only happens once in a million years. They're both clad in white suits, wedding bells tolling in the belfry, everyone they love wishing them joy. Hange takes his hand and runs with him past the threshold of the chapel, the skies ever so blue. But in which world will they ever get to have this with him? In which lifetime will the bells ever ring for them? Surely, it's not this one.

That afternoon, the small cottage that they’re hiding out gets raided by MPs. Despite Hange’s protests, Levi suggests they should split up. Nifa leaves with Keiji and Abel to assist the captain. Unbeknownst to Hange, this is the last time they’ll ever talk to her.

The Scouts have already lost more of their men, Hange’s own squad included. Levi had asked them to lend him three of theirs, and now they’re all dead. Hange whispers a silent prayer for their souls. They would have spent an entire day mourning again, but Nifa’s words are still in their heart; the rest of them will have to keep on fighting for the sake of the fallen.

Hange is despondent, but the news doesn't stop them from continuing their nightly preoccupations with Levi. Despite being mad at the captain, they can't help but think of him and his well-being more often.

Then the series of events unfolded almost like in the blink of an eye: Eren gets kidnapped, along with Historia. The captain is tasked with retrieving them, and says he'll probably be on the run after this. With Erwin under house arrest, Moblit and Hange will have to give their reports to him more infrequently than before. Now that the MPs forcing all the blame on the Scouts, Erwin knows what's coming for him: he'll probably tortured, forced to gamble in front of royalty. 

But this is only part of his game, among others, he revealed to Hange.

Their mind enters a flashback:

"You’ve sent Levi without any backup?" Hange was furious the moment they found out that Levi was holding out on his own when the First Interior Squad launched a surprise attack. "Erwin, we can’t lose Humanity’s Strongest inside the walls." 

They’re picking their bottom lip with their thumb and forefinger. A scab has already formed on it.

"Hange, have you gotten fond of him?" Erwin smiled at them, as if he knew this was bound to happen.

They drop their hand. "What do you mean?"

"I know you would never let your feelings get in the way, but—" The commander reeled in a quick glance at the shocked expression on their face. "I’ve always thought you’ve always had a soft spot for Levi." 

Erwin then sat down on a chair and focused their attention on the skyline beyond his window. He knew. It wasn't really a surprise. If none of this were serious and things weren't a matter of life or death, Hange would have thought that the commander was trying to test them about their own feelings. He knew a lot of things, including their secret meetings with Levi in the dead of the night. 

But there was one thing that Erwin Smith didn't.

"I don’t think there was ever a time I didn’t care for him," Hange confessed.

"Section Leader?"

Hange is pulled back to reality. Right in front of them is Moblit, waiting for a response. Now that Erwin has been taken from his isolated quarters, Hange's aware of who's behind it all. More importantly, they are aware of who's in charge now. 

"Erwin’s not dead yet," they say. "But if there’s no one else who would take over his duties like he said, then I’ll have to prove myself worthy of it. Whatever it takes."

And indeed they do. Moblit finds out the whereabouts of the son of the late Dimo Reeves for them to negotiate. Flegel is nervous, teeth jittering and hair pricking the back of his neck when he strikes a bargain with Hange. He's a merchant after all. Company-owners do not deal with soldiers when they can't profit. Choosing their words carefully, Hange asks him to lure the MPs in a seemingly-abandoned building. They want Flegel to protest about the corruption of the government where the citizens can hear them. He screams when the men wrestle him to the ground, but Hange is quicker: they knock the aggressor down with their bare hand as soon as a gunshot rings in the air. The punch lands quite fatally. The man falls down, unconscious. Flegel is grateful for the rescue.

The civilians all cheer. 

Blood trickles down their hand. 

It’s awkward, but they’ll have to work together to move forward with Erwin’s gamble. Levi and the younger Scouts have taken Sannes hostage, and Hange is forced to go into hiding with them once again. Although neither of them wants to do it, they have to take turns interrogating their captive. Possibly, with torture. They still don't have Eren and Historia, no clue where they're being hidden at all. 

Djel Sannes taunts them that the Scouts are out of time. It angers Hange to no end. They’ve just extracted information from Sannes after ripping all his nails out, but everything feels more complicated than before. They take out their anger once they’re alone, kicking the table in one go and knocking down the chairs in the process, only for Levi to walk in on them. 

"Sorry," they say and push back their glasses on their face.

Levi presses his back against the wall. "Well, shit." He folds his arms. "Looks like we’ll have to face the First Interior Squad again."

Somehow, they miss that irritated tone of his. Hange is trying to lighten up the mood. "What's a bunch of elite MPs compared to us?" 

"Kenny will be there." 

"He has nothing on Humanity’s Strongest."

The captain's sigh sounds more exhausted than before. His shoulders are slacking, possibly from all the moving around in stealth today. They've been apart for quite a while, but Hange is just glad that he's all in one piece. 

Levi decides to change the topic: "What happened to your hand, by the way?"

Hange looks down and sees that their knuckles are split. Scabs are already forming around the wound, dried blood crusted on their swollen skin. "I may have punched an MP who fired at me," they say. Levi immediately stands up, but Hange puts up a hand. "It’s nothing serious! I managed to avoid his shot—"

"No shit, you’re still alive." He walks over to the medicine kit and grabs a roll of bandages and antiseptic. It's the least he can do. With a quick gesture from him, Hange sets the chairs up once again for them to sit down. 

There isn’t much to say at first, nothing much to do. One thing that surprises Hange is how he can be so casually cruel about this entire situation. There is no awkwardness in the way he speaks to them, no hesitation in how he addresses them in front of others. Another surprising thing about Levi is that he’s surprisingly skilled with first aid. He reaches out for Hange's hand so he can inspect it at first, but it feels like he’s taking his time just holding them like this, thumb on their pulse point. His fingers sliding down once more down their wrist is enough to make them gasp for air. Hange doesn’t even realize that Levi is about to dab the antiseptic on their wound with cotton. 

"Ah, that hurt," Hange seethes. Levi is cleaning the wound religiously, removing specks of dirt from their skin along the way.

"I know you're still mad," he says. "You've been through so much lately.”

“Everyone has.”

“But especially you. I'm glad you're still holding up." 

Hange sneers. "Well, there isn't much I can do about it." 

They're putting all their focus on averting the pain from their mind, but there is a certain kind of pain that has already reached the heart.

Levi continues to wind the bandage around Hange's hand, passing the cloth so gently around their wrist and palm. His hand is heavy, but his touch is gentle, just like before. "Hange, what I said last time, I meant it."

"Which part, the one where you said I'm insecure and I don't love myself?" A haughty laugh escapes them.

It still hurts, but he was right in some way. Hange has had to accept that. The bandage is now carefully secured, the loose ends now tucked within the tight dressing all over their hand. Hange inspects it by stretching out their hand, closing and unclosing their fist to make sure it isn’t too tight.

"The part where I said I love you, regardless," he says.

Not knowing how to respond, Hange gets to their feet and prepares to leave, but Levi is strong enough to pull them into his lap. Hange catches their breath from the quick gesture. Still, they don’t back away. Their thighs are bracketing his hips, closing in as much as they can. Realizing where they are, Hange raises their head up to check the door. It's locked. Their pulse beats faster with every second, desperate for release. 

"What do you want now, Levi?" Their mouths are so close they can breathe into each other. He’s staring at their lips, like he’s trying to hold off.

When Levi looks up, he can see his reflection in Hange’s glasses. "I don't want this to end. This.” He gestures a hand in the space between them. “Whatever this is. Even if I don't have much to give."

It's Hange's turn to test him. "Kiss me, then," they say, calling his bluff. 

"What?"

"I said, kiss me."

Hange thinks he’d say no and let go, but time seems to stop when Levi reaches out for their ponytail and slowly goes in for a kiss, mouth open for their tongues to meet halfway. He tilts his head to gain more access inside their mouth. Here they are, making out after having had a long day of hiding and interrogating their enemies. Once Levi slips his hands into the back of their pants, feeling the curve of their ass, Hange sighs. He squeezes harder. Another gasp. They maneuver their position, rolling their pelvis against his, hands resting on his shoulders at first before sliding one up to his jaw. This still isn't much, but Hange wants this as long as he does. Together, they let out a wordless moan. 

After they pull apart, Hange rests their forehead on Levi’s, both of them still out of breath. 

"We'll start slow. Build it up somehow. Until we're both ready," he promises. 

Hange repeats it. "Until we're both ready."

Tomorrow, they’ll have to prepare to ambush the king’s men, maybe even the real King of the Walls himself. Despite the tremendous exhaustion in their bones, the two of them spend the rest of the night discussing their way of attack. It’s definitely not going to be easy. But they have already lost a lot of their comrades at this point; Hange knows they will have to give their best however this battle outcome turns out to be. It's in those brief moments of hands accidentally touching, eyes locking into each other's gaze, and lips trying to say something. And Hange can do this forever.

After another round of review, Levi is the one who finally calls it quits. He assists Hange in gathering the sheets of paper that they have scribbled on together—notes on supplies and exit routes, and several alternatives in case the first plan fails. It’s as foolproof as ever. They hear a knock on the door past midnight. Mikasa reminds them there aren’t enough beds in this hideout. The 104th are sharing beds and sleeping mats in one room, while Moblit is out patrolling for the night. That leaves them the last room past the meeting hall.

"You take that room," Levi offers, "I don’t need to sleep, anyway."

But Hange has a better idea: "Come to bed with me." 

It’s not a request to have sex. Or to be even touched. All that Hange wishes for is for them to sleep together. To rest all the aches in their body, all the tiredness in their mind. To curl into their form and let the tenderness melt into their bones. To just sleep in the most innocent way possible, and nothing else.

Levi obliges. They trudge up the second landing and into the empty room, footsteps heavy. It’s a small space, but there’s no complaining from them. Someone has swept the floors as a courtesy. Armin, probably. Levi runs his hand through the covers. No dust, no lint, nothing. But once he sits on the mattress, the creak echoes through the room.

"Can’t say this is quality accommodation," he huffs. Hange thinks he’s opting out of this arrangement, but he kicks off his boots and gets on the bed. Levi frowns. "Are you coming or what?"

Hange sighs before climbing in with him. It’s very unusual. And slightly uncomfortable. After all those times of being touched and held by Humanity’s Strongest, they couldn’t even allow themselves this simple form of intimacy. Levi taking off his shirt doesn’t help one bit either; he says he doesn’t want to ruin the sheets. After sliding underneath the blanket, they sleep on their side, back facing towards him, hoping that he won't get to see the red on their cheeks.

"See you in the morning, I guess."

Before they can let the sleep take over, Levi winds his strong arms around their torso, feeling the troughs of their waist. 

"Hange," he whispers in their ear.

"What is it?"

They turn to face him, only for Levi to run the back of his knuckles down the side of their cheek. Hange inhales his scent, his proximity, his tenderness. He then brushes a few loose strands of hair away from their forehead so he can see those brown, brown eyes.

"Hange…” Levi’s already half-asleep. “Don’t die on me."

Dawn breaks. Hange blinks away the sleep from their eyes, only to feel the spot beside them completely empty. It’s not like they were expecting anything to happen last night. They go for a quick shower to rid themselves of any leftover dirt and grime on their body, but the bathroom is currently occupied. Steam is seeping beneath the crack of the door. The sound of the faucet goes off and Levi comes out, towel wrapped around his torso, hair dripping wet. He looks immaculate, although Hange doesn’t say this out loud. It feels surreal, so out of place. If they weren’t on the run and were about to plan an ambush tonight, Hange would have thought they were just having a trip to the woods. 

Levi gives them a nod and pushes the door wide open for them. “All yours,” he says. 

“Thanks.”

"Don't stay too long." He's teasing them. Hange knows he's teasing them. Even if his face doesn't say so. "I can't keep making excuses for you inside the bathroom."

"Levi..." Hange looks him in the eye with a leer. "If I wanted to touch myself, I would have done it already."

Before they close the door, their eyes trail his back until he’s inside the bedroom once more.

It’s quite refreshing, the water cool enough to clear their thoughts for a moment. But their mind keeps coming back to him. How things have developed over time. Maybe life does find a way in these trying times; maybe love does, too. They don’t even know if it’s even possible, if they can even manage it with him, all these emotions now coming out of Hange as if they have only been in love for the first time. Maybe Levi would have loved to live in this cozy little cottage with them. Once Hange steps out of the room, they can see Levi downstairs in the kitchen, sipping his morning tea. The smell of breakfast wafts through the air. The 104th kids enter one at a time, eyes still groggy and filled with sleep. Yawning and stretching, they do a quick salute to their superiors before grabbing potatoes and boiled eggs from the table.

This must be a life if they had a family of their own. Hange can definitely imagine it: just the kids running around their little home, looking up to both of them for support and motivation. They let this mental image play pretend in their mind for a while, before they have to orient the 104th on their plan of attack this evening. Eren and Historia have to be retrieved by any means possible. Even if it’s at the cost of their own.

"Nervous?" 

Their train of thought breaks when they realize that Levi is speaking to them.

Hange blows the steam off their coffee. "Yeah." 

"No regrets, remember?" Levi plants a hand on their shoulder once he stands up. He’s done with his meal. “You’ve already said it before."

"Said what?"

"That you’ve already gotten into the habit of remembering my words.”

The other soldiers are watching them from the other table, their mouths filled with food. Even Sasha who’s been piling her plate nonstop is curious.

"Don't push your luck, Levi," Hange scoffs at him, but once they start eating, their smile is brighter than before.

It fades throughout the day, the sunset waning as they prepare themselves in front of the chapel. The captain gives everyone his final instructions before he breaks open the hidden trapdoor. He and Hange lock eyes, knowing they're together in this fight.

Smoke is the first thing they see upon joining the raid. Levi is leading the Scouts, shouting a headcount of their enemies. The MPs outnumber them, but their team has a few tricks up their sleeve. The cave walls glisten with crystals that could cut like glass. Hange’s heart thrum even more upon seeing that their enemies have already engaged in a fight with Levi. But he’s faster, smarter, stronger than all of them combined.  

Hange themself has joined the skirmish, both blades out. Someone shoots the MP behind them just in time. Blood spatters into their clothes and glasses once they turn their head. They themself are able to level with a few attackers, slashing and slicing through the air. Meanwhile, Kenny Ackerman is settling a score with his nephew. They're fighting toe-to-toe, blades clashing with pistols until Levi manages to run his blade through Kenny in the stomach. More smoke billows around them, followed by tremors in the deeper part of the cavern.

Unbeknownst to Levi, Traut Cavern is aiming her gun at his back. He's too preoccupied searching for the path that leads right into the ceremonial site. The woman is gritting her teeth, nostrils flared, eyes glowering at the captain. The MP is ready to fire any moment once she locks in her target. 

If they could only take her down, keep Levi safe, then—

Hange hears the click of the safety latch. No.

They swoop right in. The enemy instantly switches direction and points the tip at them. 

“Watch out!”

The trigger goes off. 

Someone shouts their name.

There’s a jolt that shoots back before pulling them forward. Traut has pierced their shoulder with their grappling hook. The pain multiplies tenfold, blood streaks everywhere. Hange cusses. They try to unlatch it from their body, but the enemy violently hurls them into the pillar, the cable wire still connected. Everything is a blur. Their back has hit the crystal façade with a thud. Their ODM gear whirrs, unlatching themselves from the wall. They feel themself falling, falling and then, nothing. 

The darkness consumes them.

There is tenderness in the face of violence. Hange wakes up on a cart with a numbing pain. 

"What…happened?" they croak, still laying down. Armin is on the reins, urging the horse to go faster. The constant movement from the wheels underneath is enough to make them dizzy. It seems as if the earth is quaking. 

Bile rises up their throat, and in a split-second, Hange heaves. Everyone stops. They made it just in time to throw up on the ground instead of on the wooden cart.

"Congratulations on being alive, Four-Eyes. You just got skewered like raw meat." 

Riding his horse, Levi comes up to them, his face distorted with an expression they cannot paint. Is this his way of saying he was concerned? 

After Hange wipes their mouth with the back of their sleeve, they attempt to sit up, groaning at their injury. This will be difficult. "Eren…and Historia…" Their eyes search for the two among the Scouts.

"We got them back. The real problem is that." Levi directs his gaze towards the root cause of the tremors. This has got to be the most massive Titan they have ever seen, even larger than the Colossal. It’s crawling on its limbs like a spider, dragging its enormous body towards the nearest town. The captain continues, "Rod Reiss will take this entire kingdom down with him even if he burns in hell."

"Ah, then we have to plan—"

"Oi, Hange. Stay out of this. Erwin's got it covered."

“But, I have an idea on how we can take it down,” they insist.

“Pitch it to Erwin then let the rest of us handle it. Wait at the infirmary until we’ve returned.”

As if they’d listen. Even Armin who can hear them arguing is getting nervous, his teeth chattering as he yanks the horse’s reins. The poor boy has no idea that this is normal. Their bickering, their banter.

Not heeding the captain’s words, Hange reaches out for their blades and canister, tightening the straps of their harness once more. The wound on their shoulder is still stinging.

"Levi, how many times do I have to tell you…" They smile at him weakly, body in pain. "You don't control me."

Erwin listens to their plan as soon as they arrive at the headquarters. He’s giving them free reign over this. Hange speaks with a commanding tone, answering questions from the other Scouts. They know the Garrison will try to settle this without them, but there is a huge chance that their cannons wouldn’t do the trick. Hange has a few alternatives to the plan in case the worst scenario happens, and the commander agrees, carrying out their orders as if he’s been wanting Hange to lead. Levi watches just as always, back pressed to the wall, as he waits for Hange to tell him what to do. They’ve never been this confident before, never had so much faith in themself. And even the captain himself can see it: there’s a fire burning deep inside them, eyes glowing with determination. 

Turns out, the real deal is Eren, just as Hange had planned all along. He transforms into a Titan just in time to shove a barrel of dynamite into the mouth of the monster. All of them are waiting on the edge of the wall. Within seconds, the earth shakes upon the explosion. Hange had designed those darn contraptions that they're so proud of. Could deal more damage than the Garrison's piss-poor cannons. Steam is now spurting everywhere, along with Titan flesh. The rest is up to the Scouts. 

Before Levi flies into the air to discard the airborne fragments, he cranes over his shoulder to look at Hange. He nods at them before launching himself into the air.

Much to their surprise, Historia deals the killing blow on her own father before falling down from the skies. Hange leans down to see her plop into a cart of hay, right in front of civilians. Levi lands on his feet right beside them on top of the wall, shirt soaked, sweat running down his forehead, chest heaving from the feat. He looks ethereal, a god-like human. 

“Do you think things will be fine from here on?” he asks them. One of his many mysterious riddles. It’s a challenge of its own, a sliver of curiosity.

So the best solution is to challenge him with another one.

“Depends on your perception." Hange's words are firm. "We all have to remain in hope.”

“Is that so?”

“As long as Humanity’s Strongest is fighting for freedom, I don’t think I’ll ever have to worry.” There’s a smile on their face. “Does that bother you, Captain?”

“Oh, I believe you, Four-Eyes.” He’s now standing right beside them, blades sheathed on both hips. Their hands are almost touching if he inches just a little bit closer. “I believe in you just as much as you believe in me.”

He reaches out for them discreetly and Hange lets him. While no one is looking, they slide their fingers in between the space of his. The sun is blinding. 

Below them, the crowd cheers for the new ruler, for the Scouts, for a dawn of a new beginning. 

It all happens in vignettes thereafter. Short segments of mundane happenings that fade into black and white, smiles of civilians everywhere they go. There are banners, streamers. All hanging on every wall. Flags waving from the hands of children parading around the square. Hange arrives at Mitras early in the morning in their casual attire, completely underdressed for the occasion. It’s Historia’s coronation. The queen will have to excuse them for this. After defeating Rod Reiss, the other Scouts had to patrol the grounds under Erwin’s orders, Levi included. He should be returning anytime soon, Hange knows.

With one arm still in a sling, they make their way to the commander’s office where they have to make a final decision. Erwin acts surprised, but Hange has an inkling he already knows why they’re here for. They are friends, after all.

“I’m accepting the position, Erwin,” Hange clearly states once they’re seated across his desk. “Although I do hope I won’t have to take over anytime soon.”

A smile of satisfaction is playing on Erwin’s face. 

“You’ve already proven yourself, Hange. Not only to me, but to the Scouts as well.” There’s still a slight bruise under his eyebrow. The corner of his mouth is swollen, otherwise, he looks fine. Joyful, even. “What made you change your mind, if I may ask?”

Before they answer, Hange looks out the window. Across the other building, they can see Levi walking along the hall until he is met by the 104th from the opposite direction. He’s already clad in his formal coat, hair a little bit slicked back for the occasion. Without warning, Historia quickly runs up to the captain and punches him on the arm. Hange is slightly surprised. It’s probably a prank played on him by the new queen, because Levi doesn’t even wince, doesn’t even frown. When Historia backs down to taunt him, they all wait with bated breath for his reaction. The seconds stretch a little bit longer.

That’s when Hange remembers to speak. “Someone said I should believe in myself.” They’re still looking at Levi from the window. “...As much as he believes in me.” 

In that split-second, Levi catches their sight. It’s a tender gaze, quick enough for anyone not to notice. He then looks back at the Scouts and breaks into a smile. The kids gasp in unison, shocked in utter disbelief when he thanks them. And Hange’s grateful enough to witness it.

The future is clearer than ever.

Later that night, there’s a familiar knock on Hange’s door: three light knuckle raps in quick succession, followed by another two solid thumps with a fist. They already know who it is without even asking. The moment they open the door, Levi pushes them inside before closing the door behind him, his face burning with desire.

"You didn’t tell me."

"Tell you what?"

"You saved me life," he says, pinning them to the wall. Someone must have told him—Armin, maybe. "I owe you everything."

Their faces are mere inches from each other. Levi’s eyes are full of nothing but admiration, adoration. The light is flooding the grayness out of them.

"You don't," Hange breathes. They want to say, Let’s just get going. Let’s just get gone, but he’s relentless, keeps saying, I owe you, Hange. I owe you.

Desire melts into the shadows, aching for love. Levi is cautious enough not to touch them by the arm too much, but Hange cannot care any less. They remove their sling themselves, saying they can take the pain when he holds them in his arms. Sometimes they wonder if Levi thinks they’re too fragile deep inside. It’s funny, just thinking about it. After being in each other’s presence all this time. Hange proceeds to study the lines of his lips, tracing his jaw with their mouth. 

"I’ll take what I want if you let me."

Levi looks at them as if he’s seeing a completely different person. Perhaps this is what he has always wanted from them. He’s never seen Hange being so comfortable with themself. Their gaze is piercing, enough to reach his bones, heart, and soul. And he's ready to give back all that he's taken. 

"Go ahead," he says.

Without wasting another second, Hange pulls him by the collar, kissing him ever so fiercely. Levi kisses them back, eyes closed and mouth parting slightly before Hange slides in their tongue. He pushes them towards him by the back of their head, deepening the kiss while they make quick work of his clothes for the first time ever, tugging and pulling the straps of his gear. Once Hange hikes up his gray shirt above his head, they take their time to feel the strong muscles on his shoulders and chest. 

The first time he saw them naked, he told Hange they were wonderful. But there was more to it. There was more to his words or gestures, more to all the aching in their souls. Hange was breathtaking, mesmerizing, filled with intelligence, kind and passionate. They deserve all the love he can give. 

Hange directs him towards their bed and pushes him down into the softness of the sheets. He adjusts himself a little bit more in the center, where his head can rest on the pillow.

"Do you want this, Levi?" 

They're already zipping his pants open, already having unbuckled his belt.

Levi lifts his hips so they can yank it down. "I do. I’ll take anything you have to give." 

Once they're also unclad from their clothing, Hange clambers right on top of him. They pin his hands above his head, slightly wincing from adding more pressure on their injury. 

So this is what it means to be in control, Hange thinks to themself. To be thoroughly content having done all of this together with him. They let out a gasp once more when they accidentally move their shoulder, teeth seething. But everything feels so good. 

They go ahead and take their time tracing every ridge and valley of his form. Every muscle so godly-sculpted, every scar telling a story. Hange leaves kisses on his chest down to the soft hairs below his navel. 

When they reach up again to meet his face, they can see tears in his eyes. He’s never been touched like this before, either. Hange gives them a reassuring smile. Levi smiles back, rare as it is. After all that hoping and yearning, they can finally feel their wings taking flight.

"I found out something about my name, by the way," he says. Hange's on top of him, riding out their pleasure. 

"What is it?"

"It's Ackerman."

Hange connects the dots immediately. "Ackerman. Then that means…" His bloodline, his strength, his devotion. It all makes sense.

"Yes, Hange," he answers, like he knows what's on their mind. He's gripping them tightly by the hips, all the warmth flooding their senses. In between gasps, there's a small smile that he's gracing them with. "It explains everything."

They grind themself harder against him, thighs exerting all the work. "I like it," they pant, pleasure rising with every thrust until the two of them finally come as one. "Levi Ackerman."

The two of them go for another round, Hange still taking the reins. Levi allows them to, heart already settling into comfort. It's not a perfect routine, never was, never will be, but there's laughter, some smiles, and lots of working things out together.

Once they’re done making love, Levi puts an arm around them, leaving no space in between their bodies. "How do you feel?" He kisses their temple, awaiting a response. 

They hum, completely satisfied. It’s only been some months since the first time they and Levi have become intimate, but they feel older. Wiser. As if they have grown so much in a span of a moment. Hange lifts up their hand, entwining their fingers with Levi’s. Who could have known that theirs fit the spaces in between his so perfectly?

In the dim light of the room, the two of them look into each other’s eyes where they can see nothing but love. 

The night will pass by, despite wanting this to last forever. And there are words that Hange has been dying to say, so this is what it feels to be so alive. But there’s a better way to explain it. They let a few seconds pass before they breathe with him, both their chests rising and falling in syncopation.

"I feel…" Hange inhales into the calm. "Magnificent."