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Andrew never particularly cared about his soulmate, or at least that was what he told himself. If he had never been chosen by anyone, why would he believe that this “Neil Josten” would care about him, even if he wants to try, it was just because of some stupid tattoo and society obligated him to do it, not for him. It was better to not rely on anyone. Still, when Kevin told him about the new recruit he got curious. Maybe his soulmate did believe in fate, maybe it would be fun to see them loose hope. But, Neil didn’t react at all to his name. And Andrew took this as a silent admission that he did not want anything to do with him. He could not say that he was disappointed, because Neil was truly beautiful even underneath all those lies, but the fact that he had gotten a runaway as a soulmate was the universe that loved to play with him.
Anyway, he got to meet Neil Josten, and sadly instead of the usual apathy that protected him from the world, he felt something. At first he decided that it was probably the drugs messing with him, and when he was sober he called it hate. As hating him was better than dealing with whatever that was.
Against his better judgement that “nothing” that he had with Neil turned into something. After surviving the year he still found himself in the company of Neil, who had decided that Andrew was his home. Andrew hated that he had fallen for it. He had tried to play with Neil, prove himself that if Neil didn’t want him he didn’t either. Now he had a boyfriend, or whatever.
At some point he assumed that Neil would acknowledge it. Seeing as Andrew later found out that as runaway, one of the thing that Neil wanted the most was pemanency. And there was nothing more permanent than the name tattooed on his left ankle. Still, Neil never said anything, to the point were sometimes Andrew thought that maybe Neil did not know.
But that was impossible. Or so he believed until one night that they were hanging out with the foxes. And when talking about soulmates Neil had said that he didn’t have one. That he had been born without the mark. And that he got interested, but Neil dismissed any type of conversation around it. Knowing Neil probably to avoid their pity.
After that day he started researching soulmates, and found out that there was no way that he had Neil’s name but Neil did not have his. Either Neil wanted to keep it from the foxes or he didn’t know that they were soulmates. After weeks of thinking it oven and over again he finally got the opportunity to talk about it on the roof.
“Do you have a soulmate?”
“You know I don’t, Andrew.”
“Are you sure?”
“How would I not be sure about that.”
“You can be quite oblivious sometimes.”
“Yes, I’m sure.”
“Never had a mark.”
“Born without it. My mother told me I never had one.”
Figures Neil’s mother would have something to do with this.
“Why are you suddenly so interested in soulmates.”
“I have one.”
“Of course you do.” The comment was not sarcastic, it was said with confidence.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You are amazing Drew. And you for sure will soon find someone as amazing as you to share your life with.”
Why did that sound like another one of Neil’s cryptic goodbyes. After a few more seconds of Neil looking at the horizon he finally looked back at Andrew and gave him a small smile.
Before he could get up Andrew grabbed his wrist and pulled him back down.
“Where do you think that you are going?”
“I thought that you wanted me to go.”
“That’s why you need things spelled out for you. Sit down.”
Neil didn’t say anything else he just started fidgeting with the hem of his sleeve. Andrew needed time to think what he wanted to say to Neil. How to express what he felt without actually having to confess, knowing that Neil would understand. But as he saw that Neil was getting more fidgety by the minute he threw all his half statements to the trash. Better do something before his Junkie did something stupid.
Without a second thought he started unlacing his boots. Neil turned to look at him but didn’t say anything, just stared. He was tempted to call him out on it, but in the end he was too nervous. This would be his confirmation, either this was another one of Neil’s lies, or he genuinely didn’t know.
He pushed down the sock and showed Neil the two little words just above his ankle.
`Neil Josten’
“I don’t- what?”
“You are an idiot.”
“Has it always been like that?”
“Do I need to explain it to you?”
“No, I mean, has it always said Neil?”
Oh, so this was one of his identity crisis.
“Yes.”
He could see the small smile forming in Neil’s lips. At this moment it was a little harder to keep a straight face. Figures that he is revealing this to Andrew and that is what he chooses to focus in.
“That’s your only observation on this whole situation.”
“Yeah, I like it.”
“Three seconds ago you were about to leave me so that I could find my soulmate.”
“Well, because I thought that you were asking me for space. You are the one with my name tattooed.”
“I still hate you.”
Neil just hummed, and continued like nothing. Like Andrew didn’t just give him one of the biggest revelations of his life.
“Aren’t you curious about your lack of name.”
“Who knows what happened. Probably something with my disfuncional family.”
“Can I see?”
Neil just pushed his leg up, like the human disaster that he was. Andrew grabbed him slowly and pushed up the hem of the pants. Not unlike the rest of his body, there were scars littered around his leg. They looked to be from different incidents.
“How?”
“Not sure, I was grazed by a bullet once. And I may have been chained in the basement as a punishment but I don’t really remember.”
Andrew tightened his grip around Neil’s leg, he would never get used to how desensitised Neil was on that subject.
“Does it bother you?”
“I don’t care about my soulmate Drew. I only ever wanted to be with you.”
“500%.” He grabbed Neil’s hoodie to pull him closer to himself. “Yes or no, Junkie?”
“Yes.”
And yes, maybe soulmates were stupid, because Neil Josten had chosen him, even if he didn’t know.