Chapter Text
How the fck did he let him self do this to Calum? His puppy was at home probably going insane with worry and he’s fcking here. He can't remember shit. All he remembers is the pain and anger. He wanted to drown in alcohol. Yesterday, they were arguing because Calum wasn't ready to tell his parents yet. He fcking got it, but it hurt. He felt like Calum was ashamed of him, wasn't three years of hiding enough? He felt like a dirty little secret.
The blonde-haired man wanted to understand, but— Luke told everyone that mattered in his life, sans the fans of course. He was proud that Calum chose him. Fck if everyone truly knew how many people were chasing after his puppy, before he grew balls to ask. He feels so damn insecure. He wanted Calum to tell David and Joy. No. He needed Calum to tell David and Joy, he felt that admission would cement their relationship more. He can’t fcking lose him after all the shit they went through to get where they were now.
They’ve been arguing a lot lately. He admits that he has been nitpicking everything Calum did lately. He has been possessive and impatient with his lover lately. Lately. Lately. Lately. He just wanted Calum to tell his parents. He knows how much the older man valued his family's opinion. He needed David and Joy to accept him. Lately— he just needed more and more proof of his lover's love. His wonderful boyfriend was annoying and too nonchalant about certain things and it irked Luke so much. Calum submitted to his needs and whims almost all of the time. Luke didn't know what to think of it. It’s either the raven-haired man didn't really care or he loved Luke that much. Of course, he prefers the latter but he's not sure it's the truth. At times, he felt as if Calum didn’t love him as much he loved the older man. It pissed him off so much. Yesterday was probably a culmination of their past arguments. They argued and argued then Calum said something...
FLASHBACK ------------------
"Why can't you understand? I'm the only boy; they were looking to me to continue the family line. You have two older brothers, I don't. All my mum and dad talks about is having little baby Hoods running around."
"And what you can't have that with me? We can do what Neil Patrick Harris and David Burtka did, that's a weak argument Cal." Luke replied.
"I-I know that, but it's different and it's not what they expected. It's not weak Lukey! It's how I feel. I just don't want to see disappointment cross their faces again.
"They're your parents Cal they love you."
"Lucas, I know. All I'm asking for is some more time! Please!" He pleaded walking away.
"Where are you going?” The blonde-haired man asked following his boyfriend.
"Out." Calum replied while walking around to gather his phone and keys.
"Stop running away when we fcking fight Calum!" Luke yelled annoyed.
"I can't okay. I just— I need time to breathe." Calum answered desperately.
"To breathe? What? Am I suffocating you now? Is that why you refuse to tell anyone?" The lead singer asked angry.
"I don't need to tell anyone because you told everyone!" Calum screamed.
"Except your parents! And of course, I tell people! I'm fcking proud that I'm with you! Unlike you who's fcking ashamed of this relationship!" Luke yelled back.
"I'm not ashamed!" The bassist shouted frustrated.
"Then-fck! What?! I’m tired of pretending when Joy and David visits."
"I’m sorry, okay!”
“Sorry doesn’t always fix things Cal.” Luke says bitterly.
“Luke, please! Just try to understand where I'm coming from. People in relationships are supposed to understand right?" Calum pleaded.
"People in relationships are supposed to communicate too." Lucas said with a mocking tone.
"I am. I'm trying, but It's hard." Calum chose to ignore his love’s tone.
"If it's so fcking hard, then why the fck are we together!?" Lucas bellowed.
Both their eyes widened.
"What?" Calum asked faintly.
"Nothing."
"Did you mean that?"
"N-no. Of course not."
They both stayed silent. Luke watched his boyfriend play with the hem of his shirt. Calum was looking down and refused to look up. His boyfriend looked so small, Calum always looked small. Calum hated looking vulnerable and Luke hated that he was making him feel that way. Luke wanted to go over there to kiss it better, but he also wanted to shake the man silly. They were both just going in circles.
"M-maybe we should. We've been fighting a lot and— and you're nev—
‘What the fck?’ Luke thought incredulous.
"Fck you Calum." He said venomously.
"L—"
"You know what? Don't go. You fcking stay. I'm going out." He said grabbing his things on the coffee table. He swiftly walked towards the door and slammed it on the way out.
------------------ END FLASHBACK
He had to go home and fix everything. Fck! He's in fcking trouble. Shit. Where the fck were his fcking pants?! His boyfriend probably cried him self to sleep last night and he's in some girl’s house in his fcking boxers. He fcking hates it when Calum cried and to be the reason why his lover was in tears— it’s putting him on edge. He can’t think straight. He just knows he has to fcking get out of here. Right. Fcking. Now! For the hundredth time where the fck were his pants?! And what the fck was he going to tell Calum?!
‘I'm sorry honey. I got pissed drunk last night and I woke up in bed with some girl in my underwear. Fck. He's going to fcking leave me.’
He searched high and low.
'Where the fck are my fcking pants?'
“Why are you so loud. It's so early in the morning. Come back to bed.” He heard a voice say from the bed.
“Where are my pants?” He asked not looking towards that direction. He didn't need to pay attention to that side of the room right now. He had to find those damn skinny jeans.
“What?” The woman asked. He heard the sheets ruffle.
“Where the hell are my pants?!” He finally looked towards the bed and still can’t remember how he ended up here.
“Outside the room. You started stripping before we got in here.” The mystery girl said combing her hair back.
Luke went out the room and found his pants. He quickly put them on and went back in the room. He had to ask before he left. He had to know.
“What happened last night?” He asked while gathering his things around the room.
“What do you mean?”
“Did we sleep together?”
He found his phone and wallet on the nightstand and pocketed them both. He can see the woman watching him from his peripherals.
“Well yeah you woke up in bed with me.” She answered leaning over from the other side of the bed. She tried to reach for him, but he evaded. Luke didn’t want her touching him. They’d done enough touching if last night really did happen.
“That's not what I meant and you know it! Fck. I'm in a committed relationship.” He said frustrated.
“Y-y-you have a girlfriend?” She asked shock. She sat up straight and watched the lead singer walk towards her bedroom door.
“Fck. Did we or not?” He asked turning around to look at her. He takes her appearance in and notices that drunk or not he was still attracted to olive skinned folks, with chocolate eyes and had dark hair.
“My answers the same.” She answered softly.
“Fck.” He screamed punching the door.
The girl in the bed stayed silent. She played with the sheets on the bed.
“I have to go. I'm sorry, but whatever happened last night. I don't remember any of it and it was a mistake. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry but don't expect anything from it. The person I'm with— I love them very much. You're probably a very nice girl, but my lover they're amazing and I can't." He said swallowing the lump in his throat. "I can't fcking believe I did this to them. Fck. I'm sorry. You're probably an awesome girl, but— I have to go.”
Before the woman on the bed could respond, Luke ran out of the house. She lived in a remote area. The houses were far apart. He unfastened his snap-back off his belt hoops and put it on low on his head. He ran and ran to get as far away from the neighborhood as fast as possible. He didn't know how long or how far he ran, but when he couldn't run anymore he decided it was enough. He called a cab and waited. He braved looking at his missed calls and texts to pass time. He had eleven missed calls from Calum and six voice messages. He knew his boyfriend would have called him more, but the thought that he would have been bothering him probably stopped Calum. He also got a few from Ashton and Michael. He checked his messages and saw he had 217.
‘Fck. He was fcking worried about me and I fcking did that to him. Fck. Fck. Fck. Fck.’
One-hundred seventy-two of the messages were from Calum and the rest were from Mikey and Ash.
They were all worried, some of Ashton and Michael's messages were about Calum though.
From Michael:
Idiot, come home. Calum's worried sick.
From Michael:
Luke! He's fcking crying. Get your ass home!
From Michael:
There's going to be an in home flood. We don't know what to fcking do. Hurry the fck up dumbass.
From Michael:
Luke. He locked himself in the bathroom. Come home man.
From Calum:
Sweetie, come home. I'm sorry. I promise I'll be good. If you want me to tell them, I will. I'm sorry.
From Ashton:
Luke Calum's not coming out its been 2 hours come home.
From Calum:
I love you Lukey please come back. I didn’t mean it. I can’t— I need you here. Please.
From Ashton:
Luke, Calum won’t stop crying we can hear him outside the bathroom door.
From Ashton:
Luke me and Mikey have been sitting out here for two hours. Where are you man? Cal won’t stop crying.
From Calum:
Lukey, I called my mum, I told her. Please come home. I love you Lucas.
‘I'm a fcking idiot. He can't find out. Fck. He can't. If he finds out, he’ll fcking leave me.’
He looked at his voicemail icon and contemplated about listening to the messages later. He had a strong inkling that they were all from Calum. He was unsure if listening to his boyfriend’s messages were a good idea, but then again the need to hear his lover’s voice was so strong it overwhelmed him. He dialed his voicemail and listened to the messages.
Message One: Yesterday at 11:42 PM
"Luke, I know you're mad but come home. It's late. I'll stay in Ash's room tonight if that’s what you want okay?"
Message Two: Yesterday at 11:57 PM
"Oh I just thought to call because— um… I-I just thought you might not have your keys! Yeah keys! I-if you don't have your keys I w-w-went outside and I put one under that rock— you know the one r-right? The one shaped like a parallelogram sorta. Oh—umm ok, bye."
Message Three: Today at 12:21 PM
"Um I wasn't sure you knew what a parallelogram was so I— um, texted you a picture... Luke, come home. It's almost one in the morning. If it's because you don't want to see my face— I-I'll go to Ash's room. Just come home okay? Umm, I know you might not want to hear it right now because you’re angry, but I love you and I know we’ll get through this."
Message Four: Today at 02:38 AM
"Lucas Robert Hemmings! You come home right now! It's two in the morning! Where the hell are you?! I am worried sick. I know you're mad. I get it. I'm sorry. I'm so fcking sorry. I know sorry doesn't fix thing all the time, but i'll prove it to you. If you want I'll get on my knees just COME HOME!”
Message Five: Today at 03:38 AM
"Lukey it's almost four where are you? We’re worried. Listen, I know we’ve been fighting a lot, but that’s because we care. Right? They say when you stop fighting that’s when you’ve truly given up. You’re worth so much to me Lukey. I won’t stop fighting. As long as you want me, I promise I’ll continue to fight. I’m sorry I said what I said today. I just didn’t want to trap you in a relationship with me. If you truly wanted to leave, I would let you go because more than anything I want you to be happy. But even if you no longer wanted me I’d still be here waiting. If you're not ready to come home please, please just let me know you're safe. I can't. I-please Luke."
Message Six: Today at 05:31 AM
“Lukey please. I'll leave you alone. Just come home. This isn't like you. You never do this. I’m so fcking worried. I’m losing my mind Luke. Come home. I love you. I love you. I fcking love you Lucas. Please. Please. Just come home.”
He felt tears prickling his eyes. Fck. What was he going to do? Calum was generous— so fcking generous, but he doesn't know if the older man will forgive his transgression. Calum was so fcking precious. He trusted and gave himself so rarely, and the rewards were so fcking amazing. He directed those sparkling brown eyes at you and showered you with affection all the time. He was up for anything and graced you with his beautiful smile. He was so fcking beautiful and amazing. He never wanted to be like the others that broke his heart. He promised Mikey and Mali he wouldn't be like the last person he gave his heart to. He worked so long and hard to get them to believe in his sincerity and dedication to Calum, but here he was. He really was going to lose his lover. He should have been more patient. Calum had no real past relationship experience. He was the one with two years under his belt. He’d been pining over Calum for years, while Calum on the other hand took longer to realize. Damn, even the fans knew before the bassist did. Of course, they weren’t going to publicly confirm it right now, but they were right. He should have stayed home.