Archive of Our Own

Red coat was the first thing he caught glimpse of.

Halting in step, Seishirou partly concealed himself behind advertisement board; few puzzled looks from passer-by’s, he paid it no mind. Hidden there, he observed from afar; took the sight in before, not to say he won’t again, especially when his look couldn’t be detected. Legs crossed at ankles, cigarette in hand lowered to waist level, Subaru gave the impression of being indifferent to his surroundings; physically present yet detached, in a sphere of his own; distant and reserved. For once not completely monochrome outfit, not even that attracted more curious looks to his being; shade of red somber and dim enough to not come out as flashy or too attention-grabbing. Nonetheless not to say there was nothing captivating or striking in whole image, quiet the contrary, modest and illusive effort only perceivable if one were to truly look. And of course, be aware of silent power lingering beneath the seemingly aloof surface; only then could the whole scenery be appreciated in a manner it’s supposed to be. Fortunately, Seishirou had the right amount of time to do just that; one look at the watch informed there were five more minutes to spare. Matter of courtesy, to arrive before the appointed time; seemingly Subaru followed the similar etiquette now, given he arrived even more early.

Really, back then you were late to almost every date and now you’re always punctual. Unnecessary early even. Briefly Seishirou wondered whether Subaru made it into general practice or if he was a sole exception; then dismissed the though altogether, too many puzzle pieces distorted, jigsaw not forming a coherent graspable picture. Moving from his spot, Subaru paced towards the trash bin, then squashed the cigarette’s cherry into it. One step backwards, then another, he settled on staring vacantly at crowd milling around; eyes locked on one spot, seeing but not truly observing the surroundings; yet diametrically locked within depths of his mind. Expression blank, only subtle hints of melancholia if one were to observe his demeanor with hawk eye; and needless to mention, knowledge of who exactly they’re fixating eyes on. Just what is he so lost in the thoughts about, Seishirou contemplated for a minute; quickly dismissed that senseless and aimless spiral down the rabbit-hole as well, for it was doomed to be fruitless. Not even posing a casual question would bring him any self-satisfactory resolution as it’d be glossed over rather than answered properly. Glance at the watch, only two minutes left. Oh well, he ought to get going. Mischievous smile crept up his face.

Moving from his hiding spot behind, ironically, ‘say no to smoking’ advertisement board, Seishirou paced around in indistinct circles, out of Subaru’s line of vision. His strategy, along with concealment of aura and power, must have been exceptional, as his soon-to-be-date remained obvious to presence of his arch-nemesis (oh if only they were just that, Seishirou kidded internally with sarcasm). Steadily and stealthily, he closed in; hunter to his prey. Strike.

Capture from behind; hand over arm; hush into ear. “I haven’t seen you in red since you were sixteen. You look good in it” – there was no mistaking how Subaru visibly flinched, air got hitched up in throat, how breathing along with whole posture froze for a moment. Time halted; surroundings insignificant. Heartbeat later, Subaru regained his metaphorical consciousness; then swirled head around. Not wasting a second more, Seishirou sealed lips over his in enthusiastic kiss.

No need for closing eyes, his expression would remain undetected thanks to sunglasses. Instead Seishirou focused on observing Subaru’s reactions: eyes widening in bewilderment clashing with shock, yet once few moments ticked by and judgment of reality readapted, he closed his eyes gradually and began responding back with close to equal friskiness. No blush, no protest at being kissed in public, where acquaintances could notice; no fight for freedom, no sour expression at gathering attention from inquisitive bystanders. His teen self would have passed out by now, Seishirou reflected amusedly. Oh yes, he did change, not just appearance and height, there was no negating the fact basking out in plain daylight. Mentally counting how many more seconds were appropriate for line to be drawn between fleeting peck and something much more involved, Seishirou broke both kiss and hold over Subaru’s arm.

Instantly Subaru twisted around so they stood face to face. Removing sunglasses, Seishirou lowered gaze from Subaru’s eyes down his body. Only then could he get a proper look instead of stolen glances like before. All black outfit underneath, consisting of combat boots, jeans and turtleneck with subtle decoration on collar, it was accented by double-breasted open auburn knee-length coat. He’s seen it all before hours ago through shikigami’s eyes; nonetheless witnessing in person was a totally separate experience; wish to touch, to claim, to – Seishirou briefly diminished all of those, saved for more suitable place and time. So Subaru did take up his suggestion from their date few days ago of being even more easy on eyes clothed in subtle blend of red along the usual dark tones; that realization pleased Seishirou, that even something seemingly insignificant as his aesthetical preferences did matter to Subaru; that he’d break out of ordinary and comfort zone merely in order to satisfy a desire that wasn’t even his. Pride swelled inside Seishirou’s chest for the familiarity of that submissive trait. Oh yes, traces of that bashful and docile boy were still there, just deeply drowned beneath the surface of calm impassive facade.

Gaze traveled back to Subaru’s eyes. At first Seishirou wanted to label his expression as simply devoid of any serious affect and while that, indeed, stood as correct, didn’t seem too precise. No hints of awkwardness or discomfort; not even irritation or distress of being smooched so passionately in public (was he embarrassed even, Seishirou reflected; cheeks didn’t seem tinted pink but then again, no telling how Subaru felt in that regard). No, he couldn’t put finger on it and say with absolute certainty to be on-mark; that realization left a not so pleasant taste in mouth. Maybe beginnings of melancholia then, and perhaps by stretch yea-

Subaru inhaled distinctly, then parted lips as to being speaking. Seishirou cut in before he could start.

“’Don’t do those kind of things in public’, right?”, with teasing tone he smirked down on Subaru; moment following softened his features, giving an idea of familiarity and presumption rather than mockery. Time stilled as they held each other’s gaze. No movement, no sound; in world of their own, separated from buzzing and liveliness around. Victory and domination, per usual, came to Seishirou as Subaru diverted his line of vision to the left, finally breaking the eye contact.

“No… you’ve just startled me, that’s all”, soft spoken, calm voice as Subaru positioned himself to the side. Seishirou paced around aimlessly, Subaru fell into step to his right. He’d have to tilt head to side a fraction then if he were to - Subaru abruptly halted and stepped sideways so to be on Seishirou’s left side, where he could be noticed. No implicit message of posing a threat, no business in the dark, no ax to grind. Interesting, Seishirou reflected vaguely intrigued; still, maybe no deceits in sight, but no guarantee in mind for if he were in Subaru’s place he’d surely have some hidden agenda and tricks up sleeve.

By no means to say there were no notes of secrecy and enigma attached to this new version of Subaru. Quiet the contrary, what was obvious and in plain daylight was merely a tip of an iceberg. In no way to be underestimated or shallowly observed, Seishirou concluded that much almost instantly when they first spent prolonged period of time together (date that reached its epilogue in early morning’s hours) a month or so ago. Even back then could he sense the line between his own expectations of Subaru’s reactions, behaviors and evoked emotions opposed to reality blurring as former one gradually revealed its shaky foundations; house of cards. Not to pounder on past’s deliberations and dilemmas when current ones presented themselves.

Hand resting on shoulder, Seishirou wrapped arm around Subaru’s frame, bringing closer to himself. Slight stiffening for the unexpectedness of action, but otherwise no protest; few seconds later Subaru relaxed into embrace and cuddled closer, seemingly uncaring for more than dozen of curious looks they were receiving. Even went as far to entangle fist into Seishirou’s black trench coat. Subaru’s eyes lowered down to bag in his hand; tilting it to side Seishirou revealed the wine bottle inside. Really, given the shape of bag, its content ought to be beyond obvious; knowing look in response (both of them knew how the night would play out, after all). A further test, merely to see how Subaru would react; not what he’d expect but then again, this was no longer shy boy who he courted a lifetime ago; it’d be nonsensical to expect him to panic or blush furiously. Nonetheless, question remained, at least within inner psyche: what would Subaru do if they ran into one of Seals? If sitting on the fence was no longer viable option, which side would he hop on? No clear-cut decision within mind’s eye, however both choices would be equally amusing and through-provoking; Subaru never vocalized desire to spend time with Seishirou, but similarly never verbally objected to it; passively accepted yet that spoke enough on its own. But then again, logically and rationally evaluating the current end of World events, far more sensible decision would be to remain on Seals’ side. On the other hand, logic and sound judgment were never Subaru’s strongest suit, he was never a brightest bulb in the box regarding that aspect. Still, that’s something Seishirou could guarantee sixteen year old boy would do. He couldn’t claim with absolute certainty current Subaru would react the same, especially since he emphasized himself that World’s ending doesn’t concern him in slightest.

Amiss; foul. Not to negate the sense of utter wrongness that wormed itself into his mind; wide of mark. Beside that, subtle whispers of desire in psyche's deep corners; nebulous and amorous, form still blending into solid and substantial one; oh well, the latter one was familiar territory, especially ever since he first bedded Subaru almost two months ago; enjoyable and obedient, just like Seishirou speculated prior to having his assumptions proven. One glance at his companion; faint lick over lower lip at recollection, as well as hope for a repeat.

“So...”, Seishirou began casually, then dropped his voice significantly lower as to insinuate his real intentions. “Where would you like me to take you?”, last part accented just enough for Subaru to read between the lines.

Slight curve of lips’ corners, a meek shadow of vibrancy and radiance his smiles used to carry. Ulterior motive noticed and accepted; promising, Seishirou concluded favorably. “I’m tired, had a busy day. My place would be the best then… ”, with that Subaru halted in step, making Seishirou do as well. Without uttering a word, both of them changed direction towards Subaru’s apartment; half an hour walk, twenty minutes even if they picked up the pace.

Another minor discovery of his, that Subaru never referred to place he lived in as ‘home’ (neither did he about Sumeragi residence in Kyoto). Always ‘my place’ or something along similar lines. Absurdly enough, he lived at exact same location he used to call ‘home’ a decade ago; oh well, whatever brought subtle changes in a way he expressed himself, it didn’t account for anything, Seishirou decided. There were other things to wrap his mind around; hands as well, if were to be literate about it. Swift and firm rub on shoulder, Subaru cuddled closer in response; yes, more than promising.

If Subaru counted leisurely spending entire day on Clamp campus ground and chatting with Seals as tiresome task then he sure was rushed off his feet. Oh yes, Seishirou knew it all, made it into practice to observe Subaru from afar during last few weeks; not solely to satisfy his lust for knowledge and time missed but also hunter’s instinct for how challenging the task of keeping a close eye on omnyōji of his own caliber turned out to be; another game, merely higher stakes than previous one. Nonetheless, he didn’t even have to play his cards right, since compliance to both physical touch and innuendos combined with subtle receptiveness indicated that Subaru would definitely be in mood for whatever Seishirou had in mind. Really, what in spending casual day in company of other Dragons of Heaven, especially their Kamui, did set him in mood for craving touch of their enemy, Seishirou couldn’t fathom; whatever it was, he mentally thanked them in mocking and supercilious tone. Having taste of ‘good’ side makes you crave darker and sinister one? One that could satisfy your depraved desires? Always caught up between two sides, always paradoxical and ambiguous. Oh if only Seals knew to whose arms Subaru went right to after departing from campus grounds.

“If you wish so”, Seishirou replied simply; formality, courtesy of his. Following similar pattern, he couldn’t resist playing a card of doting lover as he prompted further - “You had a rough day?”, comforting rub over shoulders, Subaru relaxed further into touch.

Except Seishirou was already aware how his whole day played out; was merely waiting for how Subaru would sum it all up. Surely, he hasn’t picked up that Seishirou was stalking him close to every day, has he? No, no way he’d be fine with that, no way he’d accept it without any sort of remark or angry feedback. Subaru was left in the dark regarding that one, Seishirou concluded pleasingly; yes, let it stay that way.

“Yes, two job cases. They got complicated so I’m worn out”, plain reply, no hints of deceptiveness.

Interesting. Lying straight-out to my face without batting an eyelid? Not what I expected from you Subaru-kun. How absurd and intriguing. Briefly Seishirou considered dropping a hint or two, matter-of-factly of course, that he was indeed aware that was a lie; yet kept that jab behind teeth for it’ll reveal his practice of keeping Subaru under surveillance. Only in last moment did Seishirou manage to hold back that chuckle in pure venom; a chess-game, he ought to be delighted at prospect of mind-games and artifices for he was beyond advanced in those. Reason why however, it remained an enigma as Subaru hasn’t done anything lying-worthy. Perhaps said or heard something that unnerved him and threw off loop, so that unease persisted. Maybe something entirely different instead, who knows. Nevertheless, something lingered beyond the surface of touchable and tangible; Seishirou couldn’t pinpoint what precisely nor its nature; yet it didn’t speak of anything delightful, quiet the contrary, further bitter taste in mouth. Not one to conceal things from himself, especially regarding himself. And person currently wrapped in his loose embrace. Yes, he’ll get to the bottom of that head-scratcher and its unpleasantness when alone. Now, Seishirou had other priorities.

That desire from before, an itch that one could not scratch as it was beneath the skin, something unlabeled – they made their reappearance, only stronger on this round. Unlike prior, Seishirou was aware they didn’t come out of place of solely lustful desire; yes, fraction of it, major to not beat around the bush, yet not solely that. Domination and power however, to make Subaru submit completely; not just body, but mind and heart as well; that enigmatic and indistinct something beneath surface, deeply embedded within his soul; hidden from sight. To own completely; something that by all means belonged to him, quiet literally given the marks, yet that he never truly owned. Oh yes, if he were to aim for that wish’s realization in non-metaphorical manner, raw and physical one at least, casual sex and repeat of their previous trysts would not be enough, instead -

“Seishirou-san?”

Subaru’s voice snapped him out of musings and scheming. Pausing in step, he turned to the side slightly to look at Seishirou quizzically; probably concerned by his pensive and serious expression, Seishirou’s mind supplied. In a flash, he altered it back to usual cheerfulness spiced up by plastic grin; faint frown in return, eyes narrowed by fraction. Detail he noted few weeks prior, Subaru disliked being presented a false front, especially when so transparent; made perfect sense, Seishirou decided as he reflected back on entire year of deceiving naive teen. Faint chuckle at the memory; further confusion in Subaru’s eyes, yes, let him be wandering in the dark about what was within Seishirou’s thoughts and contemplations too. Gaze dropped lower from his eyes to neck, D-ring ornament as subtle décor on turtleneck’s collar. Ah that gave Seishirou an idea, one guaranteeing raw sensual gratification if realized correctly. And not to mention wish fulfillment as – Subaru parted his lips as to say something, but was beaten up to it once again.

Swirling around, he grasped Subaru by shoulders; startlement and flinch. Being met with no further resistance, Seishirou went on -“Ah! There’s something I forgot to do. Will you be alright going home alone Subaru-kun?”

Eyes narrowed slightly; breathing halted for a heartbeat. Vague sigh, it spoke of exhaustion; not necessarily physical one. Few seconds ticked by, then Subaru raised gaze up for their eyes to met; expression one of discontent blending with weariness.

“What choice do I have?”

None, to be frank. Simultaneously more than you permit yourself to consider. One hand bolted upwards into Subaru’s hair, combing and petting comfortingly; simply to divert his attention from dilemmas and predicaments. Then Seishirou leaned closer to press lips over his forehead but abruptly halted once he took notice of irritated look on Subaru’s face. Too patronizing, evidently manipulative; of course he won’t fall for such blatant maneuver and omission. Not to risk disturbing Subaru’s mood by infuriating him for real (and then posing a further challenge to himself as to set him back in equally charming and alluring state for what Seishirou had in store for him), Seishirou retreated back by step, then extended wine bag forwards.

“I’ll join you in thirty minutes, alright? Set wine glasses for both of us in meantime”, few more seconds ticked by in dead stillness. Finally Subaru accepted the wine bag and with distinctive exhale and turned towards direction of his apartment. Halted in step again, one look sideways; Seishirou smiled reassuringly yet teasingly his way. Right, Subaru had no ways of knowing for certain whether Seishirou planned on abandoning him for a night or not. Briefly he toyed with an idea of doing just that, poking finger deeper into wound, stepping away and watching it bleed for it never healed in first place. Ah how satisfying would it be to simply observe Subaru from afar for a night, to break the half-baked promise. Still, a matter of principle. One more moment came to pass, then Subaru resumed strolling down the street.

Then got out of sight. Smile dropped the same instant. Finally lungs felt like they could breath properly. Seishirou realized it just now, not only did he push Subaru away for sake of ulterior motive, but also to be away from him; at least for time being. Danger. Not necessarily physical one, no, that would have an elegant permanent solution; more allegorical for once the smoke and fog clarified, air cloudless and pellucid, did he realize he stood on cliff’s edge; water bellow murky and vortical, uncharted territory; pitfall. Threat, instinct signaled, screeching for removal, for retreating, for their next and final meeting to be on eleventh hour; within an hour of that person’s long-postponed demise.

Still pride answered and ego demanded; retreat no longer viable option for it’d be himself-unlike, against who he is; a defeat in a way, not something Seishirou had on agenda now or ever. Also a challenge, to satisfy those desires ego-syntonic to himself and unravel the mystery behind those negative sensations tangling on threads of resembling twisted parody of what could be named as unease and disquietude; but at the same time to remain exactly where he was, not losing ground and plummeting into nebulous waters, drowning and spiraling into the abyss bellow; and not yielding by any definition, backing away and indicating to that person that path he had in front of himself was set in stone, directing only to destruction of self, a path of downfall; that he presented enough of a threat for Seishirou to conclude he had to step away and assess the situation in order to remain being himself; detached and answering to no will other than his own. Yes, even if it didn’t come to that, nor would it ever will while they’re at it (he tried so for a year, yet all in vain for his heart remained metaphorically non-existent), implicit message would be sent. And still – ah, he was going around in circles, wasn’t he? No revelation would befall on him in the middle of busy Shunjuku streets, especially while he had more urgent matters to attend to if were to keep his half-baked promise to that person; to Subaru. He’ll get to the bottom of that enigma and itch from within, as well as fulfill his desires; not solely physical ones.

********

Half an hour turned into hour and half.

Before Seishirou could even knock on balcony’s door, it slid open. Without uttering a word, Subaru welcomed him in. So he was expected after all. Faint bump of glass door snapping shut behind him echoed in room’s dead stillness. Same old place, same old bleakness of the barely decorated room; barely to be said a person truly lived there. Strangely, no sarcastic retort, no posing question of why, no complaint. Surely, sparks of irritation, on threshold of fury must have evoked somewhere deep down, Seishirou decided, given the whole silent-treatment. Being treated as object of mere sensual gratification and clearly not worth enough for Seishirou to even consider hurrying up to be punctual – indubitably add more salt to the wound of shattered ego and heart.

Are you so angry that I purposely let you wander in the dark for an hour that you resorted to passive-aggressiveness? Why invite me in then instead of putting your foot down? Strolling around the sofa, Seishirou removed his shoes and sunglasses, hanged both coat and suit’s jacket over backrest. Then his eyes wandered onto his companion: coat discarded, almost skin-tight utter black outfit; after all these years his movements still possessed grace and elegance, now even notched up with maturity and elusiveness. There was no denying aesthetics and allurement of Subaru’s presence, as well as physical beauty. Expression partly blank, save for implicit further exhaustion of mind and irritation and – ah, cheeks flushed slightly, glint in eyes; he was, evidently, not as composed as Seishirou previously assumed. Two wine glasses, one crystal-clear, other half-full but given circular red stains on rim, clearly was refilled. Drinking to drown your sorrows, Seishirou contemplated teasing but held the banter back for it’ll only do more damage; no need to make Subaru more melancholic and withdrawn than he inclined to be already. If Subaru was already tipsy, that explains lack of objections; as well as that other something doubtlessly present however still unspecified within Seishirou’s mind. Picking up wine bottle, Subaru refilled the his glass, and poured alcohol down Seishirou’s one, liquid few inches away from rim; clearly for the first time. Maybe he wasn’t so expected as previously assumed. Yes, it’d be beyond naive and asinine for Subaru to trust him with even something so trivial, taking into account their bloodied history. Lifting glass up, Subaru brought it to lips. Mimicking the gesture, Seishirou reached for his own.

“You started drinking without me? How unkind of you”, he broke the silence after taking a sip; sweet and bitter taste clashing into one another, evidently he chose the alcohol of quality (not that his companion held those hedonistic details in high regards; to put it bluntly and directly, didn’t seem to care). Pacing around, Seishirou placed the non-transparent bag down beside the sofa.

“You were late”- oh there was that lovely voice; a shame really, that Subaru preferred to keep silent these days, rarely opted for small-talk. “And that is?”, he gesticulated with wine glass towards the bag.

“It’s a present”, Seishirou replied back as he reached for lighter and cigarette’s pack from blazer’s pocket. Retrieving both items in one hand, he easily located ashtray on coffee table next to couch; good thing Subaru was a smoker as well. That one remained a mystery however, since he was never offered a satisfying reason behind that unhealthy habit; unlike boy he was familiar with to take up such filthy addiction. Settling wine glass there, Seishirou sat near couch’s end; then lit tobacco’s paper casing. Inhale; then exhale; spiral of smoke twirled above his head. Apparently, Subaru hasn’t caught a proper glimpse of bag’s front side, as he padded closer to it; made sense, Seishirou reflected, since only source of illumination was poorly lit standing lamp in far corner of living room. At least that dim lighting did set up secluding atmosphere for intimacy hour or so later; who knows, perhaps even before that long, thanks to Subaru’s tipsy state.

“Ah ah, my mistake. It’s a surprise”, Seishirou corrected himself, rolled last part of tongue just intonation right as to indicate the nature of said surprise. Tilting head, Subaru observed the design for a moment, then combined with words being uttered so low and implying, arrived to a conclusion. “Of course, it’s like that” – oh yes, it was exactly like that. Nearly half of time wasted was in adult shop, browsing and trying to visualize which item would be the most adequate, suiting both of their tastes. Needless to say, Seishirou could have taken only his preferences into consideration as Subaru would, one way or another, give in by the end; howbeit, even if forcing him into submission has its charms and appeals, what was, perhaps even more gratifying, was fulfilling those subconscious and concealed desires that already lurked beneath Subaru’s stoic and collected demeanor. In other words, to make him want to submit on his own. Another puff of nicotine; smoke filled his lungs. If Seishirou permitted himself to be honest, some of said desires and cravings did initially throw him off loop for a heartbeat or two; especially depths of masochistic ones. Regardless of his own bafflement, he gladly fulfilled those depraved yearnings.

“You planned all of this?”, slightly accusing tone, as Subaru looked at him with narrowed eyes. Cute of him to think he could have an upper hand at their verbal exchanges; to think he was enough for sparing a thought or two, to be on Seishirou’s mind even when not physically present. If he truly did think that, hoped for that, then it was beyond foolish of him; too trusting and too hopeful. A matter of possession, something that belong to him; source of sexual gratification, where level of passion was only spiced up by their shared history and sense of forbiddance on Subaru’s side. Beside that and obvious compatibility in bedroom along with aesthetical attraction, there was nothing to their so called ‘relationship’. Another drag of smoke, then sip of wine; still sour. On liquid’s surface Seishirou could discern the reflection of own smirk.

“Perhaps yes, perhaps no”, Seishirou non-replied. “You’re thinking too much”, he half teased, half remarked. Glass raised to lips, he settled on observing Subaru, who still stood too far away from arm’s reach. Taste of wine of his own, Subaru addressed him with ‘really’ look; calm and collected expression blending with faint playfulness, something scarcely ever seen on him when completely sober.

“I think too much?” , Subaru offered back, tone more impish than accusing. Oh yes, two could play a game. Lowering tobacco rod into ashtray, Seishirou regraded him with piercing look, making sure Subaru felt every inch of that stare and its intensity.

“Subaru-kun”, he began in deep and demanding tone, arms stretched over both sides of armrest; clear invitation. Then dropped voice an octave lower – “Come here”

Room stilled; for a moment Subaru froze entirely. Subtle smile crept up his face, still a far cry from how vibrant it used to be. Lowering glass down on on counter, he closed the distance between them; complied and obeyed. Instead of seating himself on proper distance like Seishirou assumed he would, Subaru sat close to crook of his left arm; then looked up sheepishly. Being met with no comments or remarks, he cuddled even closer, body twisting sideways in seat. Something Seishirou toke notice of few weeks ago, that alcohol made Subaru not only more receptive to touch, but also loosened his inhibitions along with repressed and reserved nature; only proved those yearning were merely kept at bay, doubtlessly already existent. Oh yes, no longer just suggested night will be pleasant, but guaranteeing. Seishirou chuckled in delight, wrapped left arm around Subaru’s frame; palm over upper back; pulled even closer.

Their eyes met. Seishirou softened his smirk into a expression more resembling a smile yet kept the clear implication as to what he doubtlessly wanted to do. Coy smile from Subaru in return, slight glint in emerald eyes; perhaps not solely due to tipsiness. Nonetheless, even if beginnings of physical desire and keenness were evident, what else also lurked beneath those eyes and seemingly shy smiles was all murky water. You were much easier to read when you tried to hide things. No need for words, expression spoke eloquently enough on its own for you. Still an open book, however not familiar language. Hand reflexively reached for the glass; sour tasted reaching tongue before wine did. No longer to turn blind eye to gaping void between expectations based on knowledge of person who no longer existed and reality of one who sat in his loose embrace; the realization that he could no longer predict Subaru’s reactions and moods in a heartbeat, no longer be able to tell motives and sources of drifts in affects, not something that delighted him. But then again, it’d be foolish to assume he hasn’t changed at all, matured at all; in a way, it’d be disappointing, not presenting any opposition, any complication, any mystery to unravel.

However, the question persisted, as to why Subaru passively agreed on whole on-and-off ‘relationship’ in the first place. Initially, Seishirou assumed part of him remained within fantasies, got stuck on a person who never existed, to vet-persona he once pretended to be. At any rate, the shift was undeniable, both in how Subaru reacted to him back then as to now and what he kept to himself. Another sip; feathery caress over shoulder, sliding down to elbow; Subaru drew closer, resting palm over his chest. An enigma indeed, Seishirou reflected on past few weeks with intrigue and puzzlement. Just how is he explaining and justifying his wish to feel touch of his sister’s murderer to himself, Seishirou wondered for he couldn’t fathom how Subaru’s mind operated; or rather how heart overtook rationality instead. Surely, it can’t be utterly because of quality of sexual gratification, can it? Oh how flattering it’ll be, however Subaru had more discipline of self than to allow same ‘mistake’ close to ten times already? Something else lurked in that murky water, of that he was certain. That sense of wrongness, of something himself-unlike, it resurfaced, along with a want; a wish. Not coherent enough for Seishirou to grasp its roots and bases; nonetheless the intensity of it did come as a surprise. And -

Hand slid upwards to his neck. Threat. Instinct for elimination. Seishirou silenced alarms going off within psyche. Eyes half-lidded, cheeks colored pink and movements too slow and tender to possibly be an attack. Fingers rested on top of his chest, playing with tie’s knot.

“Seishirou-san”, barely a whisper, if they didn’t sit as close Seishirou doubted he’d be able to discern; glint in Subaru’s eyes however, only thing graspable from them was obvious yearning for natural progression of night’s events.

Desire intensified, nature of it revealed; however hush in mind’s corners remained, words still too unshapely to be apprehensible. Nonetheless, the previous passion to claim, to own, to have for yet another night – that flame ignited, wish’s realization now a viable option. With final savor of wine, Seishirou lowered the glass to side-table, then encircled left arm around Subaru’s waist. Enthralling and fascinating, that Subaru waited for his permission rather than taking initiative and acting on his own longing. “You’re so eager tonight”, Seishirou murmured into his hair as his other hand wandered up and down Subaru’s thigh. Fingers gradually undid his tie; it ended falling down somewhere neither paid attention to. Seishirou lowered his head; honeyed whisper into Subaru’s ear. “I like it” – and with that Subaru finally straddled his lap.

Next instant their lips met. Audible gasp from Subaru, whether it was in surprise or excitement, Seishirou couldn’t tell. Both hands bolted to his hair and nape, tender caresses and slow combing through it; in response Seishirou tightened hold around Subaru’s waist, drawing him closer so they were chest to chest. Slow presses of lips against one another, pace for once not rapid and fierce; contact, however, not lacking friskiness by any manner. Briefly Subaru pulled away and raised himself into kneeling position over his lap; tilting head for deeper contact, lowered lips back down into another kiss. So complaint, so pleasurable, Seishirou observed with delight. Hands rubbing along Subaru’s back, mewl escaped his lips, melted into the kiss; then he yielded completely, lips parting, body pressing against Seishirou’s even firmer; as close as humanly possible. No need for domination’s battle when it arrived to him naturally; instead of ramming tongue inside, Seishirou settled on exploring inner side of Subaru’s lips; muffled moan, caress over his his nape in approval. Nibbling on upper lip, slight sinking of teeth, then flicker of tongue against same spot; another mewl from Subaru as he grinded hips experimentally, clear attempt to urge him on; stilled however after few rubs, then moaned into the kiss. By all implication trying to make Seishirou take more initiative; likely slam down into couch and make Subaru forget himself, make a repeat of one of their many long and intense nights. Mentally chuckling in amusement as well as intrigue, Seishirou refused to take a bait. Cute of you Subaru-kun, to think you can force me into something, but you don’t have that sort of power over me, and you never will. Terms and dynamic will always be cards in Seishirou’s hand. Breaking the kiss, he squeezed Subaru’s behind forcefully; reflexively he arched back and threw head backwards as subtle stings of pain clashed with pleasure; reacted just as Seishirou expected him too. Hum in approval, then he placed shallow bites and fleeting flicker of tongue over jaw and neck. Seishirou could feel slight tremors running over Subaru’s body, how he gripped onto strands of his hair as to bring closer and ground himself on sense of touch. Broken pant of his name; first stings of arousal bolted through system in response. Enough is enough. With parting suck over jaw, Seishirou pulled away.

Sounds of ragged breath filled the room. Raising gaze from Subaru’s neck, Seishirou intook his expression; flush only present in traces, mouth parted and slight panting – all expected given their previous activities. Glint in eyes indubitably present however not what else loomed behind them; obvious physical desire evident yet not sole factor, Seishirou realized. No movements. Dead silence. All stillness. Not to say he was mesmerized by Subaru’s beauty and enigma behind willingness to submit, physically and sexually at least, but it had undeniable charm and allurement. Maybe not a moth to the flame, yes surely never that, but flame was certainly lit; inviting and enticing. Subaru gazed down into his eyes as well, expression unguarded but simultaneous unrevealing. No impatience, no surging on yet coy smiles; still something out of gasp existed. Before Seishirou could pounder any longer on its nature, Subaru reshifted hands from his hair to cheeks, cupping them both in palms, thumbs resting underneath jaw; then held his head in place, making sure eye contact was maintained. Seeing no reason to protest, Seishirou allowed all of that.

Subaru’s expression twisted into something far more expressive, emotions blending one into another, yet all a mystery to Seishirou; far too many of them and switching too rapidly for him to analyze in time. Yearning yes, evident as well as - “Destroy me please”, hoarse whisper, voice cutting with need and desperation; eyes unblinking, lips apart slightly, expression blank and full of emotions at same time.

It took Seishirou a few moments to actually comprehend what he’s been asked to do; another second more to unclench muscles and for his lungs to begin protesting at lack of air, he hasn’t even realized he’s been holding his breath the entire time. Danger, instinct alarmed; pride diminished those warnings. Lust and passion too, for if he possessed any less iron self-control, Subaru would already be naked on his knees getting his wish fulfilled. Nonetheless, the part of him that wasn’t flooded with prurient thoughts persisted on reaching towards sea-floor of those turbulent waters; on whispers embedded deep in unconsciousness, murmuring that there’s more to it, words wielding double daggers; of shadow in the dark not matching object’s outline in light. Along with desire to touch more intimately, to claim and own. Not to give in to temptation, every action, every fondle and caress, it’ll all be calculated and on Seishirou’s own terms. With those forseeable and attainable wishes arrived a realization. I may not understand you completely, what you shaped yourself into during past decade. But I can claim you completely. And tonight I will.

That unsubstantial itch from within – it intensified. Instinctively, Seishirou reached for a cigarette; placing it between lips, he reached for lighter next, one hand still wrapped around Subaru’s waist. Hands lowered from his cheeks to shoulders, Subaru simply observed him, eyes half-lidded in desire; which was postponed, kept at bay. Inhale; then exhale of nicotine, smoke twirled in space between them. Subaru’s eyes diverted from his onto tobacco rod instead, doubtlessly a reflex due to nicotine addiction. Briefly Seishirou considered granting him that relatively minor wish, but decided against it as idea left foul taste in mouth. Instead took another puff on his own, buying himself time for fire within blood to dampen down, then shook ashes into ashtray. Something flashed across Subaru’s expression, too swiftly to grasp and process in time, especially due to blind eye. Subaru lowered down into his lap, bringing them back on same height level. Another experimental rub of hips against hips; breathless gasp from Subaru, Seishirou had to bite back one of his own. One more, this time contact slower; reflexively his palm slid down over Subaru’s backside to thigh, then swiftly back up to waist; repeat, again and again. Slight panting, glint in emerald eyes remained; so did the elusiveness in them, as well as hushes within his psyche. Series of open-mouthed kissed over Subaru’s jaw, then nibs and sucks; he tilted head to side, exposing more skin for exploration; Seishirou pulled away. Without protest or comment, Subaru slid hands from shoulders down Seishirou’s chest; then bolted one down to thigh, caress feathery yet firm enough to not come out as ticklish, all in clear indication to arouse. Almost unbelievable that he used to be a boy who blushed to the point of nearly passing out on ‘am I sexy?’ and 'wedding night' jokes. A lifetime ago however, person who no longer exists, died in same breath as his sister. Before Seishirou could decide on suitable courses of action regarding such bold and provoking movements, Subaru lowered further down his body; reflexively Seishirou spread legs slightly as to allow him more space. Smirk crept up his face, exhilaration and relish. In next to no time, Subaru was kneeling down on carpet.

Hand rested on his belt, but did not try to unbuckle it; gaze raised up to meet his, evident asking for a permission, for a green light. Time stilled. Eyes half-lidded, flush over cheeks no longer present, pure determination; fervency and keenness. Yet holding back for Subaru knew cards were never in his hand; Seishirou demands, he gives in. Oh you play this game so well Subaru-kun. Temptation, for natural pace of things to take their flow, for established dynamic – not yet, Seishirou decided adamantly. Reaching to left, he lifted cigarette from ashtray, elevated to lips; other hand clasped over Subaru’s, moving it upwards along with his. Drag of nicotine, smoke whirled around once again; instead of clasping cigarette with index and middle finger, Seishirou took a proper hold over it, lowered and held an inch hovering above back of Subaru’s palm; then waited. Subaru’s gaze dropped from his eyes to cigarette; no terror detectable in his expression, no anxiety or repulsion; yearning and longing, for it was all familiar path to Subaru, something he not only wanted, but gladly consented to be imposed upon himself.

Yes, he could, and most likely would on some other occasion, hurt Subaru; not only physically or for his masochist tendencies’ satisfaction. He’d yield, welcome that in utter delight along with screams of pain, then lustful moans and prurient yearnings; animalistic hunger and brute force; complete domination. Nothing novel would come out of it, no epiphany, no revelation to elusive presence of that something lurking inside his mind, looming between them ever since he first settled eyes on Subaru earlier that evening. Yes, you want pain, you want this to be painful, to be hurt. Perhaps in a way you want to punish yourself and simplest solution is to use me for that task, something I ought to have realized weeks ago when you first exhibited traits of seeking self-destruction. Perhaps there’s more to it than it meets the eye. Perhaps there isn’t and you just like to be hurt. Perhaps you don’t even know it yourself. However even if that has its merits it’s already all too familiar path. We both satisfy our needs and shallow desires and then part ways, for couple of days at least. No, I don’t think I want a repeat of that tonight. Paper casing tip kept on burning; in last second Seishirou levitated cigarette in ashtray before ashes could fall on Subaru’s hand. Subtle despondency on Subaru’s face at wish being denied. Oh no, Seishirou won’t give him what he wants, would set the pace and dynamic on his and his terms only.

“You want to continue?, deep and piercing, his voice grounded Subaru back to reality from daze he fell into. Eye contact reestablished, nod in affirmation. Seishirou smirked down on him, insisting on better. No words needed, Subaru grasped onto demand immediately. Vague puff of air, subtle pant – “Yes, please”, softly spoken, intonation low, need evident. Pleasure and satisfaction purred within Seishirou’s chest; no wine could get him so intoxicated in mere second as sense of domination and power could. Want for more, it flared up, wish for - Seishirou silenced those thoughts. Levitating glass from coffee table, he gestured towards other end of room. “Then bring that to me”, husky and low; then raised wine to lips.

As expected, Subaru immediately began standing up. “Ah ah, no walking”, Seishirou abruptly stopped him from getting up; puzzled look, in return he smiled softly, yet lips’ corners curved into something far more sinister. Leaning back against backrest, Seishirou stared down right into Subaru’s eyes, making sure intensity and predatoriness in them scorched through skin. Then in octave lower – “crawl”

World paused. No movement, no sounds. Except brief widening of his eyes and barely detectable inhale, nothing in Subaru’s posture changed; nothing that Seishirou perceived at least. Few more seconds of dead stillness came to pass and – ah, yes. Taking another sip of wine, Seishirou smirked in pure triumph; then rotated gaze to left as to observe Subaru. Neither too slowly nor too rapidly, he crawled on all fours; this time Seishirou’s gaze traveled more explicitly over his body, inhibitions disregarded for his stare couldn’t be noticed. Slender built, skin-tight black clothing only accenting his slim figure; slight arch of back, small curve of his behind, long slender legs that Seishirou wanted wrapped around his waist yet once more. Even if there was nothing provocative in a manner he moved, Seishirou could feel flame being lit within him; implications, insatiable hunger. Was there a limit to how far was Subaru willing to be led? To disregard his own comfort zone, dignity, principles and apprehension, merely yet solely in order to please Seishirou – he licked his lips at retrospection of their long passionate nights, as well as arousing image in front of him. Arriving to his destination, Subaru began retreating back if little awkwardly since he had to push the item with his body. When bag was within reach Seishirou gathered it and placed on couch beside him; Subaru crawled back into kneeling position on carpet, right in front of him. Swift pat over his hair, then caress over cheek; Subaru nuzzled into that fleeting touch. You’ve already submitted your body to me before, and will so again. I don’t even have to ask you, you’d do it willingly. But how about parts of your soul you still haven’t given to me? Their eyes met once again. Time halted.

“Do you trust me?”

Expression changed from yearning and coy lust to blankness; expressionless clashing with seriousness. Briefly Seishirou expected irritated retort of ‘no’ or sardonic remark. It never came. Few more seconds ticked by. Subaru sighed in exhaustion.

“What difference does that make to you?”, he offered back, intonation devoid of any serious affect, look in eyes blank; no anger, no fear, yet something irrefutably existed there; physically and metaphorically out of reach. He’ll ruminate on that mystery and hidden agendas on some other occasion.

Reaching for the bag, Seishirou rummaged through its content, then in little to no time found what he was searching for. There was no missing how Subaru’s breath got stuck in throat when he caught a glimpse of collar and cuffs, how eyes fixated on both items. Then dilated. Yes, I’m going to claim you once again, but this time you’re going to feel what belonging to me truly means. Seishirou settled wine glass back on side table, then leaned back into couch.

“Take off your clothes”, cutting and demanding to be obeyed; in a heartbeat Subaru yielded. Arms crossed in x shape, he tucked hands under top’s edge, then lifted turtleneck over head, hair ending up disheveled in process; then reached downwards to unzip jeans. Seishirou fixated him with predatory stare as he undressed. Subaru has always been beautiful of course, sporadically Seishirou felt triumphant for claiming such beauty for himself; still, growing up has shaped his body and looks into something far more exquisite, elegant and elusive. Seishirou felt fire within veins burning low at recollection of their first time: having Subaru lay beneath him naked, aroused and willing, long denied and repressed desire finally being resolved after a decade; animalistic carnality, movements of their bodies forceful and rapid, inhibition no where in sight. Knowledge that he was the first and only one to own Subaru in that way, as everything except his words affirmed to Seishirou that he was a virgin prior to that night. In a manner, nothing would beat that urgency and fervor. Nonetheless, at the image of Subaru kneeling in front of him naked, save for black boxers, certain fraction of that carnal yearning’s intensity did reemerge.

Are you afraid of uncharted territory, Seishirou almost asked. Instead reached for collar with one hand, other drawing Subaru closer. Undoing the collar, he placed it around Subaru’s neck, then fastened the buckle belt at nape; two digits between faux fur lining and skin, Seishirou concluded enough space was left, perhaps even bit too much. Let it be, he decided, for collar was there merely to tease Subaru with its presence, not to choke; and of course, serve as sign of ownership. Petting him faintly over bangs like he was a pet, Seishirou reached for one of cuffs next. Subaru twisted fist in reverse, then brought it higher up in clear invitation; submitting out own will, despite clear apprehension and subtle uneasy spelled out in his every movement, every inch of being. His own instinct and comfort zone versus Seishirou’s demands and wishes, evident which one overtook the other; another wave of heat swept through system. Taking quick puff of smoke, Seishirou aimed for focusing himself, ending up successful. Encircling Subaru’s left wrist in leather cuff, he buckled the belt on inner side; repeat of same action, another wrist. With task finished, he leaned back against the backrest, intaking sight in front of him.

Damn, no amount of fantasizing could prepare Seishirou for how enchanting and breathtaking reality would turn out to be. “Red looks so exquisite on you” – hair messy and emerald eyes dilated in disquietude as well as lust, Subaru gazed up at him, lips parted slightly. An inch wide burgundy leather collar, simple and basic in design save for buckle belt fastening on nape and D-ring on front; same shade two inch wide leather over both wrist, designed identical to collar’s. Shade of red just vibrant enough to bring contrast on monochrome of Subaru’s pale skin and black hair, but not flashy enough to seem cheap or distasteful. A masterpiece indeed, time he spent on browsing and picking up adequate equipment paying off. Sight went directly to his groin; Seishirou opted for ignoring his own desire for time being, there were other things that needed his undivided attention. Subaru appeared sheepish, even faintly bashful on complement, hints of hesitation evidently persistent. You craved to be burned with cigarettes yet are apprehensive about little restrains. How intriguing and enigmatic of you Subaru-kun. I’ll strip your soul bare, including all those paradoxes and mysteries within you.

Picking up the leather strap, Seishirou hooked the clip on one end onto collar’s ring, then other end on cuff’s ring positioned on inner side of wrist; same action, other hand. With echoing clink, both clips fell into place, finalizing the restrains. Instinctively Subaru tried to test his mobility; shifting both hands he soon witnessed that he couldn’t straightened his arms, could barely spread them apart to shoulders. Then touched cuff on left wrist with right hand, inspecting outer leather on it and inner padded linen (whole point of restraining gear was control and sense of ownership, rather than leaving marks over neck and wrists from leather digging into skin), Evaluated whether he could free himself as well. Possible yes, but would likely present a challenge; not to mention, need time in which Seishirou would doubtlessly notice Subaru’s intention. Inquisitive and probing, Seishirou noted, mentally counting up to thirty seconds for Subaru to get accustomed to restrains and comfortable before they started for real. Then all movements halted. Subaru looked up from down bellow, still knelling, arms lifted in front his frame like he was praying; reflexively Seishirou wet his lips, groin stirred in anticipation.

Lowering hand, Seishirou stroked hair behind ear, then up to crown of head. A praise, more of a purr. “Good boy” – reaction was immediate: pupils dilating, furious blush spreading over cheeks, ragged breath, shivers bolting down Subaru’s spine. He swiftly snapped his legs shut, trying to calm down his arousal; all in vain for Seishirou could discern his state of affectedness, both by state of body and flushed expression. Interesting discovery, he noted mentally in delight; he’ll surely make use of it, however not to exaggerate with praises and encouragements; better to keep them as reward, rather than norm.

“Come up here”, low hush; hands bolted down to Subaru’s hips, urging to climb up in his lap. With minor difficulties due to restrains, Subaru managed to comply. Sliding hands down his hips, Seishirou lowered his underwear down legs; traced them back up oh so slowly, from shins to knees then up thighs to ass, tender rubs and feathery caresses. Subaru held him by shoulders at he tried to balance himself on knees; slight blush on his face, eyes half-lidded in lust. Rewarding Subaru for obedience Seishirou encircled him around base; instant half-muffed moan, not to miss it given their close proximity. Few firm pumps there, then hand slid up shaft to tip of his cock, slight dampness there already. Ragged mewl, Subaru ached his back and threw head back in pleasure as far as straps connected to cuffs allowed him to. Smirking in self-satisfaction, Seishirou placed few pecks on open skin of his neck, then nibbled at collar’s edge. Stroking stopped, faint grunt in frustration. Seishirou chuckled sadistically for even if Subaru presented a mystery to be unraveled in his regular state, while they were making love his cravings and desires were mostly an open book. Not to prolong foreplay any further, Seishirrou reached to bottle of lube on his left. Wrapping one hand around Subaru’s waist, slicked fingers on other teased around the rim of Subaru’s entrance.

Another breathless moan. Then a beg - “Please”, oh the desperation in Subaru’s voice, it went straight to his groin. Brief kisses under jaw, comforting rubs on small of his back; then Seishirou pushed two fingers inside to first knuckle. Felt resistance immediately, how insides clenched around his fingers; trying to press in deeper, Subaru’s body tensed even further, raged breaths and groans slipping from his lips; involuntary response by all indication.

“Ah, d-don’t be gentle”, Subaru hissed and mewled, voice strained. Despite being in pain, he lowered himself down on Seishirou’s fingers, then began thrusting in rapid pace. Pained grunt left his lips, hands trembled where they were twisted into Seishirou’s shirt. Absurd, bizarre even, how physical pain his body underwent through paled in comparison with emotional one at being treated gently. So you still desire pain Subaru-kun? Something that’s familiar ground. Too bad, I want something different, and we both know whose wish would triumph over whose. Leaning back into the couch, Seishirou dragged Subaru further into his chest and lap, lowered his head down by tight grip in hair, then sealed lips over his.

As expected, Subaru wanted contact to be swifter and more ferocious, but wasn’t granted that craving; low grunt in protest melted into kiss. Simultaneously Seishirou pulled away both from kiss and fingers inside of Subaru. Another frustrated groan. “Shh, let me pleasure you”- husky voice as he whispered into Subaru’s ear; shiver ripped through his spine. Affected, Seishirou’s mind supplied. Gaze lowered to collar. Mine. Animalistic urge soared up, fire spread through veins. Seishirou kept it in check.

Rubbing and teasing against rim, another finger was added. Seishirou thrust them inside halfway; moan in response, full-body shudder this time. Given how his entire body trembled constantly, Subaru settled on straddling his lap instead of kneeling over. Hands twisted into his white button-up, forehead against collar bones, face hidden from view. Subaru began grinding back onto digits inside of him and erection against Seishirou’s clothed one; in next to no time bearable hardness evoke into full-blown aching arousal; involuntary hiss left Seishirou’s mouth, eyes snapped shut briefly as to ground himself. Good thing Subaru remained obvious to all of that.

“Raise your hips up”, tone guttural and gruff. Subaru complied after few seconds. Seishirou crossed his legs as to prevent Subaru from grinding directly against his crotch; position uncomfortable given how hard he was but he’ll manage. Withdrawing fingers, Seishirou rammed them back inside with more force than previously; high-pitched moan muffled into material of his shirt. Curving two digits inside of Subaru, another cry left his lips. “You’re doing great”- Seishirou praised making sure words did sound sincere. Strength of Subaru’s grip on his shirt intensified; oh yes, his words did set flame burning to whole new heights within; even if Subaru won’t say it out-loud, there was no need for that for his nonverbal reactions spoke a language of their own. Seishirou grinned in pure delight. Concluding enough was enough, he eased digits out, then reached for the bag on his left.

Methodically, Seishirou unwrapped the package, then pulled the toy and remote device out. Press over button, buzzing sound echoed through room; switching up few vibrations paces and levels, Seishirou grinned in satisfaction, then smirked sadistically; good thing plug arrived with batteries, otherwise it’d be such a buzzkill. Noise attracted Subaru’s attention; shifting gaze to side, Seishirou could detect that accented exhale the second Subaru’s mind comprehended what exactly he had in hand. Turning toy off, Seishirou covered its length with lube, then positioned tip against Subaru’s entrance without penetrating him. Other hand bolted to collar's ring, forcing Subaru to raising gaze up so eye contact was established. Without warning he rammed plug inside to half of its length.

Subaru’s eyes snapped shut same instant, eyelashes fluttering over flushed cheeks; lips apart forming o shape, hoarse cry on edge of being a moan. Oh the sight, Seishirou would never get tired of it; withdrawing toy almost all way out, he slammed it halfway in again, eyes still locked onto Subaru’s heated face; another mewl, grip on his button-up tautened. Then Seishirou repeated the action, again and again, each time withdrawing toy out entirely and ramming in a bit deeper until the widest part of plug was pushed inside. The broken pants of his name, sobs and moans in pain clashing with sensual pleasure, oh it was all a symphony to Seishirou’s ears. Finally opening eyes, Subaru came face to face to Seishirou’s dark piercing stare locked onto his expression; there was no missing out how breath hiked up in throat, how eyes widened; in what emotion exactly, beside the obvious lust, Seishirou couldn’t pinpoint at the current; what he could, was prurience bubbling up inside of him, urge for oh so more.

As tremors bolted through his body, legs failed to support Subaru any longer as he collapsed down on Seishirou’s lap; then instantly began ridding his thigh. Seishirou halted the thrusts, leaned back and he settled on watching Subaru with hunter fixation, leaving vibrating plug inside. Any other night he would have already punished Subaru for achieving pleasure he wasn’t given permission to achieve, but not tonight. Perhaps that was exactly what he wanted, be it consciously or subconsciously in case he couldn’t physically hold back anymore. Why are you so bent on receiving pain and punishment? Nonetheless, not to say his body didn’t respond to utter sensual gratification, amorous and tender touches and caresses; quiet reactive to say, especially given how praises and complements aroused him so; almost like mind protested while paradoxically purring in pure ecstasy. How puzzling and compelling would it be if that turned out to be the case. If degradation had such effect on Subaru, it’d make way more sense. Hushed sob of his name brought Seishirou back from rumination; ah yes, he had other priorities at hand, quiet literally.

Strokes over bangs, like Subaru was a pet; other hand rubbing encouragingly heated skin of Subaru’s back and behind. Then a purr, tone dropping low, intentions dark. “Oh yes, like that, keep going”, high-pitched whine left Subaru’s lips instantly, eyes snapping shut forcefully, movements of his hips gaining speed and ferocity; there already were damp splotches of precome on his trousers. Reaching for glass of wine, Seishirou took a sip. Then appreciated the view in front of him. Flushed face, mouth hanging open as breathless moans slipped through, red collar around neck, cuffs and straps. Bare chest, then lower down to painfully swollen erection grinding against his leg rapidly, and long slender legs. Reflexively Seishirou licked his lips, sight so intoxicating that literal alcoholic drink paled in comparison. Abruptly Subaru halted his thrusts, lowered forehead onto Seishirou’s chest and groaned prolongedly; experimental rub, then again, far slower pace.

“Please, Seishirou-san”, hushed desperate plead, only audible due to their close proximity. Pity he couldn’t see Subaru’s face for he always looked absorbing and captivating when on knees and begging. Fluff of black hair directly bellow his chin, some strands tickled his lips; from that angle Seishirou had view of Subaru’s back, buckle belt on collar’s backside and slight curve of his ass, including plug’s handle sticking out from his body. Pants considerably tightened, lecherous thoughts racing through mind; if Seishirou prided himself any less on iron self-restrain and didn’t bow to any other will than his own, Subaru would have been slammed into couch long ago and had his wish of self-destruction fulfilled.

Lowering glass back on side-table, Seishirou reached for remote device and set vibrations on medium level. “Ahhh, n-no, I can’t – ahhh ”, those moans went directly to his groin, pants even more restraining. Index finger wrapping around collar’s ring, pulling Subaru up so they were face to face. “Show me that you can” – a dare, also inducement. Whole point of praises not solely to intake Subaru’s expressive reactions as opposed to his usual calm demeanor, but also to train him into total submission by withholding further rewards that were effortlessly offered at first.

“Raise your body up, no rubbing yourself against anything”, Seishirou commanded further in deep tone. Few seconds came to pass, then Subaru reshifted into kneeling position, hips still remaining low down, legs trembling. Both hands lowered to back of Subaru’s knees, Seishirou levitated his hips and body upwards so he was partly leaning over his lap. Lips just in level with collar on Subaru’s neck; sense of ownership surged over, smirk crept up his face. Lifting collar slightly, Seishirou bit him on the neck. Prolonged moan broke out, as well as dozens of shivers bolting down spine. Losing his balance, Subaru tried to wrap arms around his shoulders first, however was unable to due to straps connecting cuffs on wrists to collar; instead entwined fingers through Seishirou’s hair. He allowed that, even rewarded Subaru by grasping his cock and giving him few swift strokes. Feeling how soaked in precome tip was, Seishirou concluded he won’t last for too long.

“That feels good, doesn’t it?”, he whispered into Subaru’s neck, then placed an open-mouthed kiss on bite-mark; flicker of tongue; another kiss. “Ahhh, y-yes”, Subaru cried out in ecstasy, then in frustration when Seishirou released the hold over his erection and placed both palms on back of his thighs for additional support. Putting collar back into place, kisses and licks lowered down collar bones to chest; slow intense lick over left nipple; groan in response, grip in his hair tautened. First upwards, then in other direction; press with tongue’s entire surface, as pressure increased, so did volume and frequency of Subaru’s moans and grunts. Slight nibble of teeth, parting lick; then he settled onto other nipple. Unable to contain himself any longer, Subaru tried to rub himself against Seishirou’s waist, but was stilled mid first thrust by dead tight grip on hipbones; frustrated sob; amused chuckle. Flicker of tongue vertically, then horizontally over nipple, press down; Subaru trembled within his hands, sweat running down his body along with shivers; no sounds went on from him except for few quiet groans and low buzzing of vibrator inside of him. Given how Seishirou was intimately familiar with Subaru’s body and its reflexive responses when he was closing towards the edge, he decided to push Subaru over it. Reaching toward toy’s controller, Seishirou increased vibration’s level and speed to maximum. Change was immediate.

“Wait, stop s-stop! I’m going to - ahhh I can't!”, Subaru cried out as he tried to snap legs shut to postpone approaching orgasm. Seizing him by waist, Seishirou didn’t allow him to move an inch. Considering how he more often than not punished Subaru in case he came when not allowed to, his reaction was to be expected. How many of your own wishes would you disregard merely in order to please me? Dynamic they fell into naturally, game played oh so many times, endgame always the same, constant and unvaried. Not to say he couldn’t make Subaru do something, say something to earn right to climax, yet not only would that mean ignoring his own, now aching arousal, any longer, but wouldn’t get Seishirou anything in long-shot for it wouldn’t reveal anything significant about what he metamorphosed into; just satisfy depraved sexual yearnings, something Seishirou was already intimately aware Subaru possessed.

“It’s alright, you have my permission”, husky tone into Subaru’s chest, with parting kiss Seishirou retreated back. With both hands arched Subaru’s back even further, then placed both palms on outer side of thighs; hold strategical, making sure Subaru remained in same position but was allowed to move hips freely mid-air, without grinding against anything. Leaning back, Seishirou settled on observing Subaru, both facial expression and state of his body. Shiver bolting up and down spine, full-body shudders, the way his lips trembled as well; grip in hair inconstant, oscillating from meek to taut within a second. Hips thrusting mid-air, rapid pace, erection twitching almost constantly, whole shaft discernibly soaked with precome. Oh yes, it was mere seconds in question now; theoretically he could stroke Subaru into orgasm yet there was something indefinite times more satisfying and arousing to watch him come all over himself so uninhibitedly and shamelessly; wildly and wantonly.

Subaru lowered gaze down, eyes finally locked onto each other’s. “Be a good boy and show me how you do it” – apparently depth of his voice along with praise, as well as piercing dark stare in half-lidded eyes were enough to bring him over edge. Snapping eyes shut, Subaru released a long incoherent high-pitched moan as he started climaxing all over his own chest and waist; hips still grinding up and down, his whole body trembled; expression twisted into almost pained one as pleasure washed over him, lips quivering and parting yet no sounds leaving them save for intense panting. Seishirou always aimed for witnessing his expression in moments of release, so beautiful and expressive, so full of emotions, so enchanting. Gaze traveled lower to collar and restrains, licking lips in desire. Only I get to see you like this, unrestrained and free. Then to stained chest, oscillating wave-like as Subaru tried to catch his breath. Further down to muscles contracting on his stomach and pulsing on his cock as post-orgasmic bliss entered his system; Seishirou felt his own twitch repeatedly in interest, lust clouding his mind, screeching at him to slam Subaru down, remove toy from his entrance and fuck relentlessly and violently, uncaring if he’d be opposed to that so soon after orgasm. None of Seishirou’s concerns, he could just – focus, he told himself. Inhale; inner counting to five; then exhale. Good thing Subaru remained obvious to his inner dilemmas and beastly urges as eyes were still closed in utter ecstasy. Finally opening them, Subaru was met with on of his dark grins; insatiable desire.

No mistaking that startlement and faint flinching, Subaru tried to push away. Seishirou grabbed back of his head and slammed their lips together; deep frisky contact. Subaru remained unresponsive for few moments, then started mimicking a fragment of intensity and fervor he was being kissed with. Lick over lower lip, caress over skin next to collar; ragged pants and soft mewls getting lost between them. One hand remained entwined through Subaru’s hair, with other Seishirou reached for plug controller, easing pace of vibrations to lowest level; buzzing sounds low enough that kissing ones dominated over. With few more licks and presses, Subaru broke the kiss. Mouth hanging open, saliva dripping from lips’ corners, cheeks flushed – evidently overwhelmed, Seishirou concluded pleasingly. Briefly he contemplated showering Subaru in lavish praises and gentle pecks merely to see how he’ll react to tenderness (as opposed to their establish dynamic of roughness, pain infliction and implicit degradation); settled on combing through hair and rubs over shoulder blades instead. Eye contact remained unbroken; Seishirou searched traces of mood shift in Subaru’s facial expression.

Change was so gradual that one without keen eye and sharp senses wouldn’t have perceived it; fortunately for Seishirou, he was in possession of both, including predator’s patience and hunter’s fixation. Lips falling into flat line, eyes no longer widened, returned to their regular state of seeming indifference yet clashing emotionalism, Subaru gave the impression of being closer to anger’s threshold than revoked lust now that post-orgasmic euphoria began evaporating from blood. Scratch that, not anger, but something more differentiated, closer to irritation yet even that didn’t fit the bill. Regardless of mood shift’s nature, question of why persisted. Are you so angry about being treated gently when you know it’s not out of care or love? If so then you lent me a perfect ax to grind. Of course, it’ll make perfect sense for Subaru to be… unsatisfied, but then again, there was a solid line between showing affection generally and devotion along with tenderness (or more precisely, not roughness) during sex. Howbeit, even in his lustful state, Seishirou was aware there was more to it than it meets the eye; dozens and dozens of layer to unfold and scrutinize. Oh well, whatever it is at least he found a novel and unique way to force a reaction out of Subaru, to cut him and be mesmerized by the way he bleeds. Still, that sense of wrongness, of something out of place, something foul and astray – it persisted, cold wind inside howling inside chest along with enkindled fire. What also soared up to extraordinary heights, was the desire, that undefined yearning, itch from within that begged to be scratched. Flames set ablaze, one thing dominating over remaining coherent thoughts.

Reshifting eyesight to couch’s seat, Seishirou noticed lube was no longer there; most likely rolled under couch while he wasn’t paying attention. Surely Subaru had more than enough time to recover and be ready physically for further sexual activity; and even if he wasn’t, Seishirou didn’t care about that one bit.

“Subaru-kun”, his voice cut through tense silence that befall between them. Soft hum from Subaru in indication that he was conscious, both literally and allegorically. Then Seishirou went on – “get down on your knees”, low and commanding, no longer honeyed and encouraging; oh yes, he had to alter the tactics and approaches, mostly in order to confuse Subaru and throw him off loop; let him be wandering in the dark about Seishirou’s thoughts and intentions as well. Not to mention the hunch that previous tactic would worsen Subaru’s mood into even lower pits.

With minor difficulties, Subaru managed to comply; why so, to Seishirou it wasn’t so clear; likely hints of apprehensiveness and imperativeness since he was naked and restrained, thus in no positioned to retort back for real. Seishirou parted his legs as to offer more space and indicate further what he had in mind even if self-satisfied smirk was tale-telling enough. Laying head on his thigh, Subaru managed to move arms just enough to unbuckle the belt and undo top button. Feathery touches over his clothed erection, Seishirou could feel slight shiver run down spine; breathing in and out, he grounded himself. Drawing zipper down, Subaru lowed his boxers enough to finally take him in hand and begin stroking. Enthralling and inflaming, yes, but not what Seishirou wanted; before he could comment on that, Subaru lowered his head further down and began placing brief kisses up his shaft. Seishirou had to grind teeth together as to keep back those hisses; simultaneous wondered how Subaru switched from being faintly irritated to bold and tempting in less than a minute; low vibrating sounds provided more than satisfactory answer. Lick underneath head of his cock, then Subaru looked up to him, implicitly seeking approval. “You’re doing great, keep going”, Seishirou encouraged him to progress further, eyes never leaving Subaru’s; flush spread across his cheeks, gaze diverted downwards. Then Subaru finally took tip of his erection in mouth. Deep grunt passed his lips, Seishirou entangled one fist into couch behind him, with other he reached for wine glass; slow sip, barely any alcohol left.

What Subaru lacked in experience, he compensated with wish to please; taking more of length inside, he experimentally ran tongue up and down shaft, trying to find a rhythm and explore something novel to him. Seishirou could recall forcing Subaru down on himself few weeks prior, however that experience ought to rather be labeled as himself ramming inside his mouth relentlessly, unconcerned by Subaru’s distress (although he didn’t seem to mind that much, even got aroused at being chocked and overwhelmed, at being used). This however, was different as Subaru was given an illusion of having a word in desired pace and tempo. Soft hum, Seishirou could feel all the vibrations down on himself; another grunt, then a hiss. With some degree of success, Subaru managed to imitate what was done to him many times before, even if a bit sloppy and too shallowly; he could take more, Seishirou decided.

“Ah you can do better than that, right?”, with faintly strained voice, Seishirou demanded more; provoked and dared in same breath. Clearly Subaru was already struggling with keeping him inside half-way, it’d be enthralling to see if he’ll push past his own boundaries even more, simply in order to obey. He didn’t have to wait long to find out for Subaru tried to take his cock all the way in, but started choking, pulled away entirely, saliva dripping from lips; Seishirou couldn’t take his eyes away. Then he tried again, this time managing to control primal responses of his body; yet clearly still struggling to adjust lips to width and hold back gag reflex, whole act far messier and amateurish than how it tended to be. If anything, it only spurred Seishirou on even more, to see Subaru fight natural responses back merely in order to please him; saliva dripping from lips, then he felt Subaru swallow and mewl in distress, all vibrations and sensations going straight to his erection inside. Grip in couch behind him so taut knuckles started hurting, Seishirou held onto his self-control not to thrust inside Subaru’s mouth ferociously; in the end restrained himself to one experimental deep thrust; tip of his erection hit back of Subaru’s throat, he began choking immediately. Eyes teary, hands trying to bolt down to carpet yet unable to due to harness and cuffs. Coughing and wiping saliva from lips, he took Seishirou inside again, resolved despite obvious discomfort. Hum in approval, Seishirou rubbed foot over Subaru’s back as to encourage him further; then took final sip of wine, lower glass on table and settled on observing scene bellow him. Red cuffs on wrists entwined into his black trousers as well as simple red collar and two straps attached to its ring. Mine. Flushed cheeks, eyes half-lidded, prurient desire in them, fluff of black hair, lips wrapped around base of his erection as Subaru tried to satisfy him despite his own inexperience and discomfort - image too captivating, Seishirou couldn’t look away. Then Subaru raised gaze up, likely to observe if his efforts are taking root, and their eyes meet; oh the glint in them, how they widened and pupils dilated the moment he concluded Seishirou was fixating him with piercing starving look and sinister smirk all along. Second later Subaru looked away, clearly bashful; ironic considering what he was currently doing. Seishirou smirked victoriously. Domination will always come naturally as breathing to me Subaru-kun, just like submission does to you. Never doubt that you belong to me entirely, body and soul. Dropping gaze further down, Seishirou noticed Subaru was rubbing himself against carpet bellow, clearly aroused once again.

“Did I say you could do that?”, same instant rubbing halted; Subaru mewled, sounds and vibrations resonating down on him; pleasure washed over Seishirou once again, he could feel his erection twitch inside Subaru’s mouth. Deciding enough, he pulled Subaru away from his cock and levitated up into his lap. Shivering slightly, he twisted fists into Seishirou’s shirt, grounding himself as he cuddled closer. “I’m… sorry”, Subaru panted, saliva dripping from lips, clearly trying to catch his breath. Briefly Seishirou wondered if some sort of punishment would be adequate but decided against shifting into that familiar dynamic. One hand reaching backwards, he pulled the toy out of Subaru’s body; whine, then frustrated groan. Index finger on other encircled in collar’s ring, Seishirou raised his head upwards so Subaru’s face was no longer concealed from view. Positioning himself, he rammed inside Subaru’s body fully.

The heat, insatiable hunger, raw physical pleasure – it all clashed together; there was no holding back that groan. High-pitched moan from Subaru, his eyes snapped shut, eyelashes fluttering against skin; ecstasy taking over, not merging with pain for once. Toy did good job in preparing Subaru, Seishirou concluded dazedly, as he was met with no resistance, was free to push inside Subaru’s body as swiftly and deeply as he wanted. One deep thrust, then one more; not rapid enough as current position didn’t allow to pull out all the way. Instead Seishirou stilled completely, something he was able to do solely thanks to iron self-discipline. Few seconds ticked by until Subaru grasped onto lack of sensations and movements, as he finally opened his eyes; beside obvious arousal and lust clouding his mind, hints of confusion were evident; yes, just what Seishirou wanted, to read his moods and emotions, know them like back of his hand; touch and own. Desire, yearning, that unlabeled something – it intensified, fire scorching from within; skin to hot for comfort, especially since he was still clothed completely. Impulsively Seishirou reached for Subaru’s hand, rubbed back of his palm against cheek; he could visualize pentagrams coming to life. I’ll own you completely. You’re marked as mine after all. Message clear, Subaru must have understood the implication even if none of it showed on his expression. Reshifting Subaru’s hand onto his shoulder, Seishirou grasped back of his thighs, stabilizing Subaru’s balance.

“Ride me”- not to wait, Subaru began moving instantly; experimentally rolled hips up then down; they both groaned in pleasure. Entangling both hands into his shirt, Subaru lowered down on his cock swiftly; then again; once more, moans and mewls in pure ecstasy falling from his lips. Head of his cock catching against entrance’s rim on every upwards thrust, then all the way to the hilt; again; and again. Yet still too slowly for Seishirou’s taste. Itch for more, harder and fiercer. He rolled hips upwards unexpectedly; that caught Subaru off guard; whine in distress, he fell forwards into Seishiou’s chest, face hidden from view. Slight irritation at not being able to witness Subaru’s expressive reactions, nonetheless Seishirou kept on going. In heartbeat later Subaru managed to regain balance and resumed with grinding down on him.

They moved dyssynchronously; on his every downwards thrust Subaru lowered hips down as well; physical gratification achieved yet not maximized to the levels it had potential to soar up to. Burying face into Seishirou’s shirt, Subaru concealed most of sounds that he was emitting; not something Seishirou approved of. Subaru was usually quiet and in control of himself, he rather liked hearing byproducts of his loosen inhibitions and discarded self-restrain. Nonetheless, on every push fire spread through veins; heat around his erection, carnal lust within mind; addicting, so enchanting. With parting squeeze to back of thighs, Seishirou bolted one hand to Subaru’s erection and began pumping at base; other to his hair, trying to raise head up as to observe Subaru’s expressions. He resisted; even in aroused state, Seishirou could feel stabs of irritation. Changing the tactic, Seishirou slid hand up his shaft to tip, finger sliding against slit as he resumed with strokes; broken moan of his name, Subaru still didn’t lift head up.

Still moving out of rhythm, Subaru aimed for pushing down as roughly and irregularly as he could; aiming to hurt himself clearly, to forget himself. Yes, do lose yourself completely. Bare your soul for me to pry into it. Nonetheless, even while arousal blazed through system, sense of incompleteness wormed inside Seishirou’s mind again; insufficiency fueled by neediness. Along with that arrived the icy-cold fire from within, itch that could not be scratched; desire to reach into core, to witness depth of soul, everything lurking beneath skin. More, he wanted more. Something ungraspable, incoherent and indefinite. To touch and claim, even if he was literally inside of Subaru, as close and deep as he could humanly get. Another push, still out of synchronicity; still enigmatic; moan, it told Seishirou nothing, except informed of quality of pleasure being imposed onto Subaru. More, he needed more. Wish almost inhuman, impulsive and instinctual. Not enough, he needed to reach deeper. Desire not just of sexual nature, no it couldn’t be possible for that much fervency and ardency to arise from mere carnality and lustfulness. Unrealized wish. Yearning. Another thrust. Deeper. Wanton moan in response. More. Not enough. He needed -

Before Seishirou was aware of himself, Subaru was shoved face down into couch. Not even startled yelp did ground him back to reality. With lighting speed shirt was unbuttoned, eased of shoulders down to carpet; then trousers undone completely and pushed down along with boxers. Kneeling behind Subaru, Seishirou grabbed him by hipbones, uncaring if grip was bruising. Then rammed inside. Subaru cried out. Easing erection out almost all the way, Seishirou slammed back inside all the way. Again. Then again. Thrusts rapid and forceful, grip brutal; all restrain disregarded, pretense of gentleness and consideration dropped. In a way, this might be what Subaru wanted all along, wish he mentally decided not to grant tonight; yet still – ah, too late to ruminate on that for he couldn’t stop his own craving, feral desires and primal urges.

In and out. Push and pull. Moan and sob. Pulling his erection out all the way, Seishirou rammed inside with such force that Subaru’s whole body trembled, muffed scream ripping from his throat. Show me everything. Give me everything out of your own will. Same movement, just swifter. Losing balance, Subaru’s upper body collided with surface bellow, arms awkwardly extended forwards due to restrains. Seishirou grabbed him brutally by hips, raised ass up; then rammed inside with full force. Broken mewls of his name and strained pants for air, like a melody to his ears, only spurred on further. Seishirou could feel heat pooling down to groin, electricity sweeping over, ecstasy of raw physical gratification unparalleled. He closed eyes briefly as sensations washed over. Still same rapid pace, he couldn’t stop the arousal flowing through veins, beastly urges taking over. Opening eyes, contrasting rich red to monochrome of Subaru’s skin and hair came into view; mineminmine. Another wave of passion, of something intense yet unnamed; primal and urgent. It blended with arousal, he could sense orgasm approaching. Pushing inside to the hilt, Seishirou settled on deep and swift thrusts, backwards ones barely easing out; kept himself as deep as he could. He growled deep and low at the heat surrounding his length, the raw utter pleasure. Strained moan in response, still incoherent – all in lust, all as Subaru became locked inside a moment, nothing but unrestrained bundle of raw sexual gratification. Told same old story in the end, nothing novel, no revelation. Yet still, Seishirou wanted more, primal craving of itching for more. What precisely, still undefined. He could feel pulse down on his cock going a mile per hour, clearly seconds away from orgasm. Yes, more. Not enough, not nearly. Another deep push, penetrating all the way, sweat ache of arousal at its final stage. Ah, he should let himself go over edge, finally aim for realization and bringing that unnamed desire to its natural conclusion. Even if intuition nagged at him that something was off. Still missing. Still not realized. Defeat. Another deep thrust. Scream bellow; moremoremore. Just a few thrusts more, he could feel it and -

No, not like this. Not until I get what I'm searching for out of you. In last second Seishirou eased out of Subaru’s body; then knelt a feet away from him; prolonged whine in protest, likely Subaru was close as well. In his lustful daze and brief lost control, Seishirou hasn’t paid attention to Subaru’s desire and state of body. Nonetheless if he possessed any less self-restrain, given how his erection twitched rapidly, Seishirou doubted he’d be able to keep himself in cheek. Unacceptable almost, to give in to urges regardless of his own judgment; only silver lining being improbability that Subaru noticed as he was in equally aroused and far gone state. Inhale, then exhale, wipe of sweat on temple, Seishirou tried to catch his breath and calm heat in veins and lower body, task providing more difficult than assumed; closing eyes to Subaru’s naked body in front of him, Seishirou tried so again, ending up successful to degree. Subaru said nothing, merely panted and let out infrequent sobs, likely due to sexual frustration. Seizing by waist, Seishirou swirled him around on back.

Lips parted, ragged breath and hoarse mewl, arms raised upwards, concealing most of Subaru’s expression; red cuffs on wrists, hands bound together like praying. Seishirou licked his lips, sight bellow him more than tempting; he opted for not vocalizing said enchantment. Gaze slid lower to Subaru’s already stained chest, oscillating up and down as he tried to catch his breath; then down hollow of his stomach and v-lines to swollen cock and slender legs bent in knees, feet placed on couch’s surface. Flame ignited again, desire threatening to topple over edge. Seishirou felt pulse down on himself going rapid. Deep inhale from bottom of stomach; then exhale; focus. Seishirou wrapped Subaru’s legs over his shoulders; kiss over left ankle, his eyes never left body bellow. Pecks slid down shin gradually, then rested on knee as he was buying time for fire within blood to diminish to any possible degree. Except for slight panting, Subaru remained silent. Lick downwards to inner side of thigh, he finally reacted; desperate moan and sudden arch of back. Tried to move hands behind head, but was unable to due to straps; taking notice of that Seishirou bent forwards and refastened the restrains so instead of two straps bounding wrist cuffs to collar’s D-ring, only one connected Subaru’s wrists together, serving as handcuffs. Catching onto that strap, Seishirou pinned Subaru’s hands together above his head; then finally he could look.

Eyes half-lidded, emeralds burned back at him. Beside the obvious lust, desire to be taken and used, to be pushed down and coaxed into climax once again; beside that, nothing else crystallized within Seishirou’s mind. No grand revelation. No answer. Still nothing. Sensation washed over; almost to label it as irritation, subtle dissatisfaction, yet doubtlessly it was something else; not pleasant. He wanted to reach into core, into center of Subaru’s being; all parts of him that were still locked beneath the key, kept behind iron gate, still untouched, unclaimed, hidden from eye. All fragments of soul that Subaru, conscious or not, kept away from him; he’ll own them, just like decade ago. Will find a – ah yes, of course, what else could it have been. Should have seen it all earlier, almost laughable how long it took for aha moment to knock on consciousness’s door. So obvious, basking in daylight, yet absurd, karmic even. If Seishirou weren’t kneeling over Subaru’s naked body he would have chuckled in irony; nonetheless, the bitter realization did little do diminish his desire and blood that boiled in carnal lust; unlike the primordial longing, this one tangible and realizable.

Seeing no reason to hold back any longer, Seishirou pushed back inside Subaru’s body; only head of his cock at first, heat and pleasure all-consuming, sensation almost enough to make him come. Grounding himself, Seishirou gradually pushed deeper; moan on edge of scream bellow, all in arousal. Easing out, he thrust inside again, movement firmer yet still far cry from roughness it could possess. Changing angle of thrusts, aiming for that spot that set flame burning to new heights within Subaru, he pushed in again; and again. Still far too gentle, slow yet passionate, stark contrast to regular feverish urges and brutality. Seemingly Subaru realized just that – eyes widened, pupils dilated, breath halted for a heartbeat; not to miss any of it, Seishirou fixated his face with hawk’s eye, intaking every detail. “Seis-hiro, n-no – ahhh, not that p-please”, face flushed, breath falling short, Subaru panted as he pleaded; not even needing to express want explicitly, Seishirou knew right what Subaru wished for; something Seishirou won’t grant, merely out of his own volition. No grand reason, simply because he could deny Subaru’s wish; and would. Twisting curve of lips upwards into gentle smile, Seishirou locked his eyes onto Subaru’s; something clarified in them, realization arrived as expression shifted into almost pained and melancholic one. Nonetheless in far too aroused state, Subaru wouldn’t be able to seriously protest even if he desired to. Perhaps I’ll never understand what you really are, what you altered yourself into after I destroyed your soul. Never know with absolute certainty what you think and feel. Never be able to comprehend you completely. Never be able to appreciate you for what you truly are. However I will own every aspect of you that I can. At least like this. Feeling arousal reaching critical level at alarming rate, Seishirou lowered his body completely over Subaru’s, bringing them as close as humanly possible.

Room narrowed around them. Nothing existed except for heat of their bodies and lust bubbling from within. Pressing tender kisses down Subaru’s jaw, Seishirou slid down to collar around neck; then to skin under, collar bones and chest. Legs around his shoulder shook in tremor, then slid lower; grabbing them by ankles, Seishirou swiftly repositioned them back to original place for deeper penetration; grabbed Subaru by hips and levitated them up; then thrust into his body, accenting the difference of sensation. Must have rubbed against prostate as he could feel Subaru’s body tremble, moans and grunts becoming high-pitched and unrestrained, clear indicator that he too was close. Reaching down between their bodied, Seishirou grasped tip of his erection and began stroking in tandem with his thrusts; instant sob in utter bliss, Subaru pushed back as well, meeting his thrusts and strokes. Oh the heat, the complete ecstasy and shivers that bolted down spine; sweat rolling down face and upper body, ache in groin pleading for long postpone release; sense of urgency yet diametrically opposite tender passion. Deep slow push, both of them groaned at sensation; strokes continued, Seishirou could feel wetness of precome on fingers, as well as how Subaru’s erection twitched in his hand on every inwards thrust. His own pulsed as well in response, all blood rushing south. Another kiss on collar bone; hands entwined around his nape in response; Seishirou hasn’t even realized when he has let go of Subaru’s hands. No matter, he was so close now, both of them were. One way or another, he’ll have desires fulfilled; cravings and urges satisfied; at least primal ones of sensual pleasure.

One more push, Seishirou could hear prolonged moan, could feel the trembles and shivers, wetness being spilled over chest and fingers; Subaru’s legs tightened hold around his shoulders; could feel insides clench around his shaft, sensation all-consuming. Wave of passion finally toppling over edge for Seishirou knew there was no way of containing it back any longer. Briefly letting go of self-restrain, Seishirou rammed inside aiming towards finalization; he kept on with thrusts for he knew once he halted he’d start coming. Barely easing out he pushed as deeply as possible; once more, then halted. Closing eyes, Seishirou could feel raw enticing ecstasy wash over; welcomed the sensation. Lower abs clenched as he felt felt his cock twitch uncontrollably, climaxing long and hard inside Subaru’s body. Deep groan, almost a growl; lips curved into gentle smile, then triumphantly predatory one. Locked inside a moment of total separation of self and world around, inner dilemmas and bitter realizations kept in psyche’s deep subliminal corners. Seishirou could still feel himself coming even if he wasn’t releasing any more seed, orgasm so self-annihilating it disconnected him from himself. Indeed resembling little death for those dozen of heartbeats it lasted; few more passed where nothing existed. No past. No future. No inner world of ruminations and reflections, nor outer of reality around him, Just himself and utter post-orgasmic bliss flowing through veins. Lighting strike could be heard somewhere; sound in void, isolated. Seishirou opened his eyes, returning to himself.

Simultaneously Seishirou became aware of few things. First thing first, how uncomfortable position of half kneeling half laying on narrow couch was; not to mention storming sounds of thunder and rain outside (when did storm even start in first place?), no wonder he felt cold naked and drenched in sweat. Subaru’s arms were wrapped around his nape, face cradled between them so tight that hold gave impression of not wanting to let go. With ease Seishirou broke free. Then rested on elbows, evaluating the situation. Eyes opened, yet unseeing, panting slightly, face still flushed – Subaru was awake however in world of his own as post-orgasmic euphoria sedated him; given how come was already drying on his palm and chest, Seishirou concluded he, most likely in lustful haze, missed when Subaru climaxed as well; too bad, he won't next time. Retreating back, Seishirou unwrapped legs entwined around him, then withdrew from Subaru’s body; slight grunt in response. Instantly some of his release started slipping out, sight he committed to memory with overwhelming sense of possessiveness and triumph. Subaru remained unresponsive. Another silent lighting bolted outside, illumination resonating through dim room; mentally counting up to five seconds, thunder sound roared. Subaru flinched in startlement, regaining metaphorical consciousness fleetingly.

Reaching forwards, Seishirou undid one cuff; inspected Subaru’s wrist, no red marks; good. Then repeated the action on other hand. “Raise your head up” – commanding tone yet devoid of any bite, it broke the silence that befell between them. Evidently on autopilot, Subaru did as he was told; collar was unbuckled swiftly, it fell down next to cuffs, straps and rest of equipment. Skin on neck spotless, save for single bite-mark. Still allegorically locked inside his own mind, Subaru blankly started at ceiling above. Seishirou contemplated abandoning him to own pondering or whatever state his mind fell into; opted out of that decision, deemed unsuitable. He won’t be ignored, not now, not ever; especially not by Subaru. Another thunder roared; rainstorm intensified. Raising up, Seishirou sat and lit cigarette up; inhale; second came to pass; exhale. Another puff. Strangely, neither taste nor smell pleased as they tended to do, left a bitter taste in mouth; mind as well. Dousing it in ashtray, Seishirou patted Subaru’s leg, forceful enough just to get his attention. Surely, euphoria must have started leaving his system by now, no way blank-affect and dissociation came out of that place. Nonetheless, evidently something was going on, was off; which Seishirou had no means of knowing.

Their eyes met briefly; held each other’s gaze for few heartbeats. Then Seishirou got up and eyed the mess around: discarded clothes both on couch’s backrest and carpet bellow, sex toys and equipment scattered all around, couch stained with sweat and semen, just like both of them were – certainly picture worth thousand words; all of them pointing in same direction however. Seishirou planned on toweling both of them clean, then manipulating Subaru into going to bed; and then he’d finally leave for a night, and a week. Even if he hasn’t spent too much time in Subaru’s company tonight, it certainly didn’t feel like it; presence suffocating, rumination and meanings knocking on consciousness’s door as uninvited guests. Diametrically opposite intuition responses: one to stay and dig deeper, demand why’s and wherefore’s; still just as intense desire as sexual one was moments prior to orgasm, nature of it primal and instinctive; similar however not identical. And other one, siren’s allure, alarm for retreat; that a threshold has been altered; perhaps not in reality, but within his own psyche; that there was an elegant solution to whole dilemma and bitterness of previous realization. Nevertheless, murdering Subaru now in cold blood would be, in a way, a defeat, for he’d always remain an enigma. Truly no chance of knowing him inside-out then, jigsaw abandoned with more than dozen of pieces absent; image of what it meant to resemble in first place fogy for eternity. Indulgence never satisfied (after all, it was rare for something to whet his appetite). No, he could do that, possessed both physical and mental capacities, but no progress would be gained then, exact opposite.

From good eye’s corner Seishirou saw Subaru sitting up as well, asserting outer state of his body, especially dried semen on chest and one slipping down thighs. Expression still blank, he merely squirmed uncomfortably, then shivered. Trying to stand up his legs wobbled slightly, pained whimper involuntary left lips. Only on third try did Subaru manage to raise up properly; still he didn’t try to walk, stood in one spot.

“Did I hurt you?” - oh well, how to pass the opportunity to play role of doting lover. Seishirou even lowered intonation at last two words as to indicate concern and potential fake apology. However Subaru responded, it’d be victory for his side: ‘no’ would clearly be a lie but it’d allow his pretense of tenderness and consideration to progress further from prologue; something he took delight in doing, especially since masquerade was put on halt for so long. Sharp ‘yes’ would be even more delightful as he’d be throw Subaru’s own masochist desires and self-annihilating wishes back into his face; really, it’d be beyond hypocritical of him to try to hold it against Seishirou. He almost wished for that little theater drama to play on. Smirk crept up his face in anticipation.

Neither happened. Subaru started right at him, look in his eyes steady and unwavering. Another loud thunder sound. “Spare me the fake concern” – he offered back, finality to words. No satirical retort or accusation, instead matter-of-factly and candidly. Perhaps this wasn’t even about rough play anymore. Tension fell; one could possibly choke on it. Feel it in air. Neither of them moved.

“Let’s get cleaned up”, Seishirou changed the topic; Subaru didn’t comment, simply followed him into bathroom with slight limp (not even trying to conceal it, Seishirou noticed quizzically; thought-provoking indeed). Adjusting faucet so water was neither too hot nor too cold, Seishirou tested temperature with palm; sound of water falling down on tiles muffling ones from rain outside; isolating barrier. Then stepped inside shower stall; encircled arm around Subaru’s frame and brought him in as well. Contentment washed over Seishirou the same instant warm water did; lips curved, eyes closed as he hasn’t even realized he’s been so freezing-cold. Opening eyes, Seishirou noticed Subaru was undergoing similar temperature shift; shudder first, then he relaxed gradually. Still, whole scenario did strike as being out of place for he always left right after sex regardless of whether Subaru was asleep or not. Fleetingly wondered if similar line of thoughts wormed its way into Subaru’s mind as well; dismissed fruitless ruminations as posing a question simply did not sit as right.

Breaking from wandering thoughts, Seishirou wiped himself clean in next to no time; then pulled Subaru into his chest and embraced him. Hold was accepted; not reciprocated. Scrubbing off most of sweat and dried semen from his upper body, Seishirou repeated the action more intimately down Subaru’s lower body; he didn’t protest, stood there passively with a vague grunt or two. Water slightly too scorching for his taste, Seishirou lowered temperature down by fraction. Subaru hummed slightly, otherwise opted for silence. Still didn’t meet his eyes however, gaze settled on Seishirou’s chest level, seeing but not truly perceiving, mind disconnected from current; distant and absurdly, out of reach. Same yearning reappeared, same itch – clear realization that it existed separately from carnal desire. Form still intangible and perhaps would always be; nonetheless what little of it was coherent and graspable, it crystallized into something concrete yet unrealizable. He’ll be able to own Subaru just as much as Subaru allows himself to be owned; no more, no less. In a way, he was trying to pry Subaru’s soul open, to witness all his yearnings and cravings, not just physical ones. All the little mundane things, trivialities; emotions and stances, daily-grind opinions and predicaments, whole decade of life. What Seishirou failed to take into account, was not only that Subaru refused to yield but also simply and bluntly, couldn’t. Not solely due to forbiddance and self-perseverance, but also due to something still being shattered within him, perhaps never even were on path of healing in first place; or so Seishirou speculated. Plainly speaking, he lacked the ability to open up as something within him was truly shattered beyond hope. Perhaps that’s one of reasons he implicitly sought self-destruction? Who knows. Foolish of me to expect from you to bare your soul for me when it’s a weapon I could use against you in same breath. Certainly would if you became a threat to me, in any aspect, even so slightly. And you know that, oh you do so intimately well. In that manner, Subaru will always pose a complexity and head-scratcher; always a paradox. Only physically within arm’s reach.

Comprehension bittersweet, displeasing and unsatisfactory; left sour taste in mouth, mind as well. Nonetheless, silver lining were the amplified stakes of discovering something seemingly minor yet when put under magnifying glass, significant. Intriguing and challenging, every detail and fragment of broken core sweeter victory. Yes, he ought to focus on that rather than dwell on unrealizable grand fruitless wishes and what was maladjusted beyond remedy; deemed unsalvageable. Encircling one arm around Subaru’s upper back, Seishirou raised other to his hair; gentle combing through wet strands; pat over bangs. Caress over back, then kiss on temple; prolonged press of lips, then raised up to hair and crown of head. Subaru still didn’t meet his stare, kept head low. Passive and barely responsive.

They stood like that in loose embrace for dozen of minutes, only sound being from water hitting shower floor. Muffed sob, it drew Seishirou’s attention. Finally breaking out of his dissociative state, Subaru put palms over his chest and stepped closer, responding to embrace. Triumphal smile crept up his lips, Seishirou altered it into something more tender. Shifting gaze down, he expected them to finally be face to face; puff of black hair came into view, eyes partly covered by bangs, partly concealed by close clutch. Smile fell from lips, frown settled in instead. Tremor ran down Subaru’s spine, then another shiver; Seishirou mentally sighed; really, if he was cold, Subaru should say that much. Still, not only did explanation rang as hollow in mind, but also within chest; not pleasant experience.

Two water droplets slipped down Subaru’s cheeks. Shower spray, Seishirou told himself.