Chapter Text
“Get your hands off me,” Xander growled but Angel and Spike were still arguing. Angel’s hands still grabbing him and occasionally thumping him against the wall.
“Don’t touch me!”
*Make it stop. Not Pack. Can’t touch.*
Xander could feel the hyena push him aside, his thoughts turning into pictures and simple words. Spike was saying something. Maybe it was important but Xander just couldn’t concentrate enough to understand. Angel answered in a low hiss and tightened his hold on Xander’s coat.
*Not Pack. Not food. Predator.* The hyena was getting frantic, flooding his mind and Xander let go. “Not Pack can’t touch. Don’t touch.”
He growled and Angel turned and looked at him.
“What the bloody hell?” Spike’s voice seemed distant.
“His eyes…” was all Angel managed to say before he was pushed away and Xander was across the room.
*Need room. Can’t breathe.* Xander started pacing back and forth like a tiger in a cage. He never took his eyes off Angel or Spike. *Need to find her. Need the Pack.* Xander retreated to a corner and just stood there.
*Need control. Need HER. Need…* and then a picture of blond curls and brown eyes filled his mind, a smell of baby and soap and HER.
“He’s completely off his rocker, he is.” Spike said shaking his head.
“Help,” Xander managed to bypass the hyena. “Can’t find…need…” Xander’s hands seemed to hold on to thin air, searching.
Angel walked toward him. “What do you need Xander?”
Xander tried to rein the hyena in. *Need. Need! Pack! Find HER…I know it’s okay. I know. They’ll help.* And Xander focused on a picture of HER sleeping. Chubby hands around her favourite stuffed toy and gentle snores and WARMTH and HER.
“I need… her…I need to find…my baby…” and he found a word that the hyena would never use, a word she didn’t understand “Please.”
He collapsed in a heap on the floor and whimpered and keened until he passed out.
“Didn’t he up an’ leave couple years back?” Spike asked tapping Xander with a booted foot.
Angel knelt next to Xander and looked up at Spike. “Yeah. Packed his stuff and left without saying goodbye. Buffy was really angry and Willow…well you know Willow.”
Spike nodded. Yeah he knew Red and he knew they never talked about Xander.
“So,” Spike said “How come he smells like family?”