Chapter Text
Anthony awoke to the feel of small splashes of water on his face. He, however, refused to wake up, choosing instead to turn to the warmth that emanated from his side. As soon as he made contact, memories flooded back in his mind.
Kate.
With a gasp, he sat up, frantically looking for her despite knowing she must be there considering moments ago the smell of lilies had pervaded his senses.
His eyes settled on her, face disgruntled in sleep as though he had disturbed her. Anthony took a moment of private relief at the sight before it was interrupted by her. Before they had fallen asleep, Anthony had stripped her completely and covered her with his shirt. An unexpected amount of pure pleasure filled him.
He laid back down, happier even when her hand landed on his side. And Anthony watched. For the first time in his life, he could simply watch her. They were far enough that no one could see them, and no one would dare venture outward in this weather. So, he had time.
Eventually, he thought after perhaps a quarter hour, although he could not motivate himself enough to move, he grew restless and wanting for the closeness that touch afforded him. So, gently, he leaned closer to Kate, drawing his nose gently against her cheek, taking in her scent. Lilies, yes, but something warmer seemed to take hold with time to her. Startling, Anthony realized it was his own scent combined with her natural one.
It made him fucking shiver. He had thought lilies were distracting on her.
Gently, he lowered his lips to hers. A brush of contact was enough to entice him to press them more firmly to hers, fitting them together in that way he had discovered was so perfect last night.
He kissed her and kissed her until she was awake, her eyes staring at him. “Kate.” His voice was unexpectedly gravelly.
Suddenly, her face was filled with panic. “What time is it?”
“The horizon is only just warming.”
“What does that-” her eyes flew past him to look at the horizon, relaxing when she saw the bare hints of light on the horizon of a sky full of clouds.
She took a heaving breath, as though she had just been running and only stopped now. Her hands covered her face from his view, making Anthony frown. “What have we done?” she asked, half to herself and half to him.
Regret weaseled its way into him, knowing that this had not been the best way to land here, which is where he always would have ended up. She deserved his bed, his ring, and his name.
“We will get you home, and I will come to see Lady Danbury and Lady Mary. Do not worry.”
Her head was already shaking, and she was sitting up as she said, “No. No, my lord. You must not. I am to return to India.”
Shock filled his body. “Surely not anymore, Kate.”
“It is Miss Sharma.”
“You cannot…after the intimacies we shared?” Anthony was in disbelief. Had she not heard him? He had bared his heart to her. His breath getting faster, he gritted out, “I do not understand.”
“I will not marry you simply to allow you to feel as though your honor is restored. I will not marry simply out of obligation.”
Anthony had understood Kate more than, he suspected, anyone else ever had, and she had done the same for him. But here, he realized that there was a well of insecurity that he had not quite understood and had inadvertently fed into with his actions. “It is not an obligation. I would not have touched you if I did not intend marriage. I swear it.”
Kate scoffed as she scrambled up, wrapping her arms around herself as she glanced around her. “You will excuse me if I do not believe you, for your actions certainly do not reflect your words, my lord.”
This, Anthony could concede, silently vowing to ensure Kate would never doubt his intentions again. “You do not need to believe me. I will show you. I will ask for your hand, Kate.”
“No.” Her words were stubborn as she began to slip her underthings back on.
“Yes.”
“No.”
A growl accompanied by a “Yes.”
A frustrated sound escaped her as she tried to put her dress back on. The rain grew heavier.
Her voice was weaker than he had ever heard when she practically whispered, barely heard over a sudden gust of wind, “ Please. Do not do this.” Anthony stepped back. He could not bear her begging for something he could never grant. And quieter still came, “You do not love me.”
The world stopped with Anthony. “I…I do not love you?”
“You don’t.”
Had he really so utterly failed her? So much so that she could not see what must have been clear to everyone who bothered to see. And he wanted to tell her how fervently and ardently he loved her. But he suspected she would only refute it. So instead, he began what they did best. “You would tell me what my own feelings are?”
Her head whipped towards him, his shirt hanging off her arm. “I do not need to tell you. You have made yourself perfectly clear. No man could claim to love a woman and still propose to her sister. In front of her, no less.”
A pang went through him. “You have made clear that you think my judgement compromised yet presume my feelings and intentions with the same brush you would a man whose judgement you trusted?” Perhaps it pricked his pride to admit it, but his judgement had been compromised. By his own fears and irrational responses, perhaps, but compromised nonetheless.
Kate let out a sharp laugh and finished dressing, gathering any loose clothing that she recognized as hers. “You refute my claim that you do not love me and are proposing out of mere duty and obligation? Very well, Lord Bridgerton.” There was a fire in her eyes Anthony was very glad to see back. “Prove it.”
It was a blatant challenge on her part, but to him it sounded more like a demand. One he was more than happy to fulfill. So he let himself smile, eyes sliding down her body and taking into account every dishevelment he had been the cause of, hungry possession demanding he remind her of that fact. Instead, he strided close to her, keeping his hands at his side and leaning in just enough to get that scent of her, loved by him, imprinted in his mind until he would earn the chance of it again. “I intend to, Kathani.”
He took some satisfaction in the surprise that flared in her, although that feeling was tempered by her stepping away from him. He wanted her close .
She huffed and walked into the rain, and Anthony could only thank whatever forces governed this earth that it was not thundering.
“Wait!” he called out to where she was perhaps a few dozen strides away.
He did not have to be able to hear her to know she had just let out the most infuriated sound she could. “What?” She did not stop walking, but slowed her gait just a little.
“Do not go riding this morning!”
“Just because you have imbecilic ideas does not mean I do, my lord!”
Anthony let out a laugh. This would be fun.