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Bilbo was not at all surprised by the attention he and Thorin got once they were back in the Shire. In fact, he had expected everyone to be confused and intrigued by where he had been for the past year and why he had come home with a dwarf husband.
What he had not counted on, however, was the number of people flirting with Thorin every chance they got. At first it didn’t bother him. Thorin was very handsome and unlike anything hobbits were used to seeing, so it made sense. Bilbo himself was almost amazed everyday that Thorin had fallen in love with him and not some other dwarf.
But as time went on, Bilbo could not help but notice how often Thorin would return home with armfuls of flowers and a sheepish smile, claiming some young hobbit lass or lad had woven him a bouquet and he didn’t want to seem rude by not accepting it.
Bilbo was sitting on his bench now outside of Bag End, smoking his pipe angrily and glaring at anyone that happened to walk by and look at him wrong. He knew Thorin didn’t understand why people were bestowing him with flowers. He just assumed hobbits were very kind.
Bilbo snorted to himself in mild amusement. Very kind indeed. Bunch of thirsty creatures, more like.
He saw Thorin making his way up the path to the fence and smiled fondly before he noticed the crown of flowers atop his head. Bilbo let his pipe fall from his mouth in shock.
Oh, that does it.
He sprang to his feet almost immediately and threw open the gate, stomping towards Thorin and grabbing the flower crown off his head–which caused Thorin to protest–and tossing it to the ground. Then he stomped at it like a petulant child until it was unrecognizable. He knew he must look ridiculous but he didn’t care. He had had enough of hobbits and their sneaky ways.
When he was done, he smirked triumphantly and put his pipe back in his mouth. His good mood faded almost as soon as he saw the look on Thorin’s face. He was shocked, to say the least, but he also looked quite angry.
“What has gotten into you?” he growled. “Why did you do that?”
Bilbo turned pink but he stood his ground, digging his heel into the ruined flower crown. “You have no idea what giving flowers symbolizes, do you?” he said.
“Is it not just a kind gift?”
“A kind–Oh, for the love of–” He sighed in exasperation and took his pipe out of his mouth again. “That,” he pointed the handle down at the flowers, “is a courting gift. Whoever gave you that flower crown wanted to make their intentions known.”
Thorin blinked a few times. “A courting gift.”
“Yes.”
“….so every flower I have accepted is a…”
“Courting gift, yes. Now you can see my frustration. Have they no shame? They know we’re married.”
Thorin looked distraught all of a sudden, eyes going wide. “Every one of them wanted to court me.”
“Well, I can hardly blame them for that,” Bilbo said. “You’re quite handsome, Thorin.”
Thorin covered his face with his hands. Bilbo moved closer to comfort him.
“Oh, it’s fine. You know now, so there’s no harm do–”
Thorin looked up again and his cheeks were blazing red with his embarrassment. Bilbo thought he looked awfully cute. “By accepting the flowers, did I accept their proposals?” he asked worriedly.
“Er, no, that’s not how it works. You would have to give them flowers back in order to accept it.”
He let out a heavy sigh. “Thank Mahal.”
Bilbo couldn’t help it then. He burst out laughing, doubled over right there on the path. Several hobbits turned to look at him curiously while Thorin still looked mortified and turned to walk up to Bag End to hide his shame. Bilbo held his stomach as he followed after him and only stopped laughing once they were both inside the smial.
“I’m not laughing at you,” Bilbo explained as he wiped tears from his eyes.
Thorin’s face was still very red as he removed his boots and walked to the sitting room. “You should be. I’ve been made a fool.”
Bilbo frowned and put his pipe down on the desk by the window.
“Thorin.”
He kept his back to him, so Bilbo huffed angrily and walked around so that he could face him properly. He nervously avoided Bilbo’s eyes and Bilbo sighed, putting his hands on his hips.
“Look at me, Thorin.”
With a small sigh, Thorin lifted his face.
“I don’t expect you to know about all of our customs,” Bilbo started. “I know it’s not your fault and if you think I blame you, you’re an idiot.” Thorin opened his mouth to say something but Bilbo put a finger to his lips to shush him. “Let me finish. Those hobbits that gave you flowers should know better than to try and court someone who is already married. Unless they think our marriage isn’t true, then in that case perhaps I should start publicly parading you around in flower crowns that I’ve made to get the point across that you’re not interested in anyone else.”
When Thorin said nothing, he narrowed his eyes suddenly. “You’re not, are you?”
Thorin let out a small laugh and shook his head. “It’s just you.”
“Well. Good then.” Bilbo felt his own face start warming up and stared everywhere but at Thorin and his pretty blue eyes. “Glad we had this talk. I’ll just, uh, go make some tea–”
“Bilbo.”
He turned on his heel slightly. “Hm?”
There was a press of lips on his own and he blinked up at Thorin when he pulled away. He was smiling and looking unfairly beautiful in the afternoon light streaming in through the window.
Bilbo cleared his throat nervously. “What was that for?” he mumbled.
“I need a reason to kiss you?” Thorin teased.
He shook his head before smiling and leaning up on his toes to kiss Thorin back.
“There. Now we’re even.”