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It was quiet. Too quiet. The practice room Crazy:B had rented out was eerily silent. Well it was really obvious why that was. Rinne wasn’t with them yet. He was running late, as per usual.
It wasn’t alarmingly late yet. But everyone’s minds were running wild with imagination of what nonsense the man was caught up in. A bar fight was an option no one had guessed yet. Kohaku snickered at the thought of someone shattering an empty beer can over the redhead. And maybe Kohaku might have imagined that someone to be him.
The go-to guess that (sadly) never came true was always Rinne being dead in a ditch. Oh he’d ended up in plenty of ditches, he’d always boast about like it was something to be proud of. Unfortunately never dead, usually passed out drunk after a long night of bar hopping.
But the usual and most obvious answer was Rinne got caught up in some gambling or pachinko and ran a tad late. Boring.
Still, the three increasingly irritated bees sat on the floor of the practice room twiddling their thumbs and waiting oh so patiently for their terrible excuse for a leader to arrive.
HiMERU flicked through his instagram feed, scowled when he saw the familiar face of an overly friendly priest and immediately closed the app. He placed his phone away and sighed into the silent air.
Niki was laying upside down on the floor, eyes half closed, almost dozing off. He had a particularly hectic day at Cafe Cinnamon and barely had time to eat. Once he was freed and was able to trudge his way to the practice room he devoured 14 protein bars. He wished for nothing more than to be a snake and take a nap after his large meal.
Kohaku was not as relaxed as the others. His time was precious and he didn’t want to waste it waiting on the world's biggest dumbass. Though, downtime like this was always a good way for Kohaku to think of fresh insults to rain down upon his leader.
25 minutes passed.
Kohaku began to pace back and forth across the room.
“Kohaku-chan you’re making me nervous with all your pacing.” Niki groaned, getting up from the floor and rubbing his now sore back, “Why are you so worried about Rinne-kun anyway? I would have thought you’d be the last one to care if he ended up dead in a ditch somewhere.”
HiMERU was crossing his fingers this time.
“Yeah I know, I just can’t help it! Maybe I’m sick?” Kohaku shuddered. Maybe he was spending too much with Rinne and not enough time with Mama. He made a mental note to ask if he could have an extra weekend with Mama.
Niki smiled, something deviously evil, “Well if I didn't know any better Kohaku-chan it looks like maybe Rinne-kun is starting to grow on you.”
Kohaku sputtered, trying to come up with a counter attack, “Wha- No! No way! No way in hell!”
HiMERU suddenly became very interested in the conversation and joined in on teasing the youngest member.
“Kohaku-chan likes Rinne-kuuun~” Niki sneered in a baby voice, “Are you gonna accidentally call him Dad or something.”
“Yeah, he’ll be getting kidnapped by Amagi to go gambling and Oukawa will be like ‘Noo put me down Dad!’” HiMERU let out a small laugh.
Kohaku grabbed both of them by their shirts and looked directly into them, “I would rather cut open my chest, rip out my own heart with my bare hands, and die a slow painful death than ever admit Rinne-han is a responsible adult I could look up to.”
Just then the practice room door creaked open and a messy head of red hair appeared.
“Whaddya say about me being a responsible adult?” then Rinne cackled, “HA yeah as if! What are y’all a bunch of comedians?”
“Rinne-han there ya are!” Kohaku whipped around, pointing a finger in the man’s face, “Yer later than usual. Out with it, what’s yer sorry excuse this time huh?”
“What did y’all take bets on it again or somethin’? And without me? I’m hurt! But I’ll spill my secrets so don’t do anything crazy with that finger of yers Kohaku-chan.” Rinne threw his hand up in surrender, that's when Kohaku noticed the small shoe box under his other arm.
“Oh ya should know I can kill a man with just a finger Rinne-han, there's one specific pressure point on yer body that if given enough force can snap yer spine in half killin’ ya in less than a second.” He wasn’t kidding.
This is when Niki also noticed the box Rinne was holding.
“Whatcha got in the box Rinne-kun? Did you get new shoes or is this some new weird thing you won down at the parlors?” Niki questioned, he knew how these kinda stories started. Always because of some new thing Rinne wanted to rope them all into. He was dumb but not that dumb to not notice a patter after 6 previous occasions.
“Read me like an open book Niki,” Rinne smiled a dangerous grin, “and here I thought you didn’t know how to read.”
HiMERU dusted himself off from the floor and begrudgingly joined the circle of bees. “Ok get on with it Amagi. The sooner you tell us your ridiculous tale on what new torture method you have for us, the sooner it can be all over and HiMERU can tell his therapist about the newest stressor added to his life.”
“Awe, ya tell yer therapist about me?” Rinne hyena laughed.
“You are unfortunately the main topic of conversation.” HiMERU was already exhausted and the damn practice session hadn't even started yet.
Rinne sat on the floor and placed the box on his lap. He laughed again, somehow more hyena-like than the last time, “Wow that makes me pretty famous then GYAHAHA!”
“Can we just see what’s in the box Rinne-kun. It better not be food. If you’re keeping some kinda weird exotic food from me, I'm gonna eat you next.”
“I’ll let ya eat him if I can slaughter the pig first.” Kohaku added, Niki nodded and then the two shook hands as if they were cementing their assassination and cannibalism plan together.
Rinne clicked his tongue, angry that the attention shifted away from him for even a second. “Do ya wanna see what's in the damn box or not?”
“Yes.” All three bees answered.
Rinne smiled again, and at the world's most painfully slow pace lifted the shoebox lid up. The anticipation was building in the three other bees, watching and waiting to gasp in surprise. They peered over and into the box, letting their eyes fall onto its contents. Then that's when the gasps came.
Inside the box was a little tiny creature scurrying around.
The bees were actually speechless this time. Usually Rinne’s weird plot devices or antics had more… oomf…to them? A torturous card game or a treacherous trip up a mountain were more along those lines. But a small helpless rodent? That felt like the very opposite of something Rinne would present to them.
Niki moved and spoke first, breaking the other two from their deep thoughts. He grabbed the small creature and held it a little too hard in his fist.
“You did bring some exotic food, Rinne-kun you liar!” Niki said, looking at it. “How did you know I've always wanted to eat deep fried rat?”
Rinne snatched the rodent right back from Niki, “Jesus fuckin’ Christ Niki, I knew ya thought with yer stomach but ya don’t have to practically dangle the poor thing above your wide open mouth.” He proceeded to smack Niki gently across the head. “And this little guy ain’t food dumbshit.”
“Awee what? But fried rat! It’s really good I swear!” Niki pleaded, mouth drooling like a dog.
“Shiina, that is a hamster.” HiMERU added.
Kohaku face palmed.
“Ok no ones eating the little guy!” Rinne shouted, holding the hamster close to him and out of harm's reach. “He was a gift from my gamblin’ pal after I beat him in a game of poker.”
Oh yes of course, how could they forget. Rinne’s gambling friend who he always got the weird gifts and ideas from. Never mentioned by name, no one even knew if this guy was real, or the same guy. Rinne was drunk a lot, so fuck if Rinne even knew if this “friend” was the same dude every time.
“Sooooo what are you gonna do with it then?” Niki asked, giving up on the rat dish delicacy.
“We’re gonna keep the little guy, I already have a name picked out and everything.” Rinne said, still holding his new pet. He gently pet it with one delicate finger and cooed, “Ain’t that right Big Win Jackpot ?”
“What? No no that’s a terrible name for a hamster Rinne-han, ya gotta name it something cute like Hammy, or Peanut or Num-Nums. Right?”
Niki wanted to add his input too, “Kohaku-chan those are all so cliche and generic, Rinne-kun would never name it something like that. You gotta be funny and clever! Like Ham and Cheese, oh or Cheesecake, or Gingersnap! Man, I love gingersnaps. I could go for some right about now…”
“Ugh Niki, gingersnaps really? This is why ya don't get pussy, people who like gingersnaps get zero pussy.”
Kohaku groaned, “No, see ya can’t name it after food that's degrading, maybe ya should go with a normal name, like Norm.”
“Name it Alexander Hamilton.” HiMERU quietly said, and then quietly laughed at his own stupid pun.
“What would ya know about naming pets Kohaku-chan? Yer nothin’ but a damn accessory pet to that crazy cowboy anyway. What are you his attack dog or something?” Rinne started to single out only Kohaku, it was easiest and gained the most reaction out of everyone. What an asshole.
“I’m no one's damn dog!” Kohaku cried. As the little pink boy began to pout, the hamster sitting upon Rinne’s hand stood up and puffed out its cheeks. He looked just like a puffing pouting Kohaku.
Niki gasped, “Look!” he pointed at the twining look of Kohaku and the hamster, “We should name it Kohaku 2!”
“Hey-” Kohaku tried to protest, there were so many layers to the comment that he didn’t know where to start. Did he really look like a hamster that much? Well it certainly wasn’t an insult when it came from Niki’s mouth so for that Kohaku was glad.
“Hmmm the resemblance is frightening actually.” Rinne said, studying the two side by side closely.
Ok so now it was insulting. Kohaku felt his fingers twitch, he wanted them to be wrapped neatly around Rinne’e neck, crushing his windpipe and make him regret ever using his vocal cords to speak to him. He stopped his malicious thoughts when he felt a hand fall into his shoulder.
“HiMERU thinks it’s a rather cute name. Oukawa, don’t let it feel like an insult just because Amagi agrees with it. You know he wasn’t blessed with big brains.”
“Nah, my size was put to use elsewhere if ya know what I mean GYAHAHA!” He characteristically hyena laughed. Everyone groaned.
They instead turned their attention to the little guy. Rinne had gently placed it back into the shoebox enclosure and the hamster began to run around and dig through the small layer of bedding. It was so damn cute. So many Ooo’s and Awee’s sounded from the four bees as they couldn’t keep their eyes off the cuteness.
“We should ask Ibara if we can keep Kohaku2 in the dorms. I think other units have pets in the dorms? I heard that cabbage head guy keeps his dog in the dorms.” Niki said, still cooing at the hamster and giving it a small pat with one finger.
“Oh ya mean Hiyori-chan? Yeah he’s my roomie, I think he shares custody of the dog with his unit-mate- or are they boyfriends? Ain’t that blue guy yer roomie Kohaku1?”
Kohaku1, who wasn’t happy about the new nickname, answered, “Yeah Jun-han, he told me their relationship is complicated. Whatever that means.”
“HiMERU thinks maybe Tomoe-san gets special privileges for things because he is in fact in Saegusa-san's unit. However he does know that Narukami-san keeps her cat in our room.”
Rinne snickered, “Well if yer roomie has a cat then that definitely means you ain’t keepin’ Kohaku2.”
“Excuse you?” HiMERU turned to Rinne. “And you think you are the one who’s going to have custody? You are too irresponsible to care for other living creatures' lives, you can’t even take care of yourself.”
“I can take care of myself just fine thank ya very much,” Rinne said matter-of-factly.
“Oh so we're lyin’ now?” Kohaku said with a chuckle.
“Can you though?” Niki threw his eyebrows up in shock, “Who’s the one who comes to my apartment half alive, hungover and missing one sock every friday night. Tell me how do you just lose one sock Rinne-kun?”
“Loaned it out.” Was his stellar answer.
All three bees face palmed. Then Niki snatched up Kohaku2 and continued his rant, “Obviously the hamster should go into my care. I’ve made dog food before, but creating the perfect balanced diet for a rodent would be more of an exciting challenge! Plus I could become one of those celebrities that gets famous from making tiny food for their hamster!”
“Ya really think ya can be trusted with the little guy Niki-han? Ya just about ate him in front of us five minutes ago. I bet yer brain is comin’ up with recipes for you to try, not the other way around.” Kohaku sighed, plucking the hamster out of Niki’s palms and holding it in his own.
He didn’t have it for long until HiMERU took his turn grabbing the hamster and protecting it from his unit mates. “HiMERU does not believe any of you are fit to be this poor creature's parents. It would surely die in any of your care, unless it offed itself first. HiMERU is almost jealous.” He looked down at the creature with a sad somber look, then he placed it back into the shoe box and away from the other bees grabby hands.
“Oh and what makes you the world’s best hamster dad then, huh Merumeru?” Rinne scoffed and rolled his eyes.
HiMERU turned to Kohaku and decided to burn more bridges by asking him a question, “Oukawa, from a child-like perspective you should understand that Amagi is a horrible parent to you.”
Kohaku’s face fell flat, “Ok what the actual fuck did ya just say to me HiMERU-han? I know ya didn’t just call me a child and insinuate Rinne-han as my father in the same sentence. I hope I heard wrong, and you better hope I heard wrong too.”
HiMERU realized he made a mistake. He gulped hard and cleared his throat. “Perhaps we all should do split custody of Kohaku2?”
The four bees thought hard about it. It seemed the most plausible answer. Fighting and bickering to decide who would get to be the parent of Kohaku2 was going to psychologically take a toll and then it would have to do therapy and probably never learn to love correctly, and that’s fucked up. Instead it would just have to be emotionally exhausting from traveling to different parents' houses all the time.
“Not a bad idea Merumeru. Four weeks in a month and four bees, sounds almost perfect.” Rinne said, proud of his plan. Now he had two Kohaku’s to keep track of where they'd be week by week.
“Rinne-kun you had him first so you should take the first week. It's only fair.” Niki said, the other two agreed, nodding their heads in sync.
Suddenly everyone was being very functional, I guess that’s just what happens when you gotta be there for a kid. Maybe this newfound joint responsibility was good for Crazy:B, maybe it would bring them together.
“Can HiMERU have the hamster after Amagi? He can pick it up on Sunday if you bring it to practice.”
“Maybe we should all go out to the market together and pick up his cage and supplies.” Niki smiled, “It’s a decision we should all make together!”
The unit was being very wholesome, laughing and smiling and getting excited over the idea of their new pet. Maybe they could make a little Crazy:B uniform for the little guy, or even a cute little bee costume. The hearts of the idols were warm and fluffy, they couldn’t believe such a simple small creature could bring them together. Except-
Kohaku looked down at the shoebox, he panicked slightly when he saw no fuzzy hamster sitting inside it. His eyes darted around it, checking thoroughly for it. The walls were way too high for it to have climbed out, and there weren't any items in the box that it could have used to jump out. Kohaku’s hands moved to grab the box and dig through the fluff, thinking maybe the thing was hiding or sleeping or something.
The other’s caught onto Kohaku1’s frantic searching. The boy pushed aside the fluff of one corner and there he saw it. A Kohaku2 hamster sized hole chewed out of the cardboard.
“G-Guys! Kohaku2 is gone! The guy escaped!” Kohaku shouted.
“WHAT!” The other two shouted back.
“It couldn’t have gotten f-far. Right? Niki cried, “It’s gotta be somewhere in the room still!”
And with that the bees rushed to tear apart the room in search of their pet. There weren’t many things in the practice room, some chairs and tables and their bags littered the floor. Not much for a hamster to hide under.
It felt almost hopeless until Rinne shouted and pointed across the room. “THERES THE LIL’ FUCKER!”
And there it was indeed, crawling along the floor, hugging the wall farthest from the group of bees. They all sighed in relief and Rinne moved to grab it. That's when the thing decided to run for its goddamn life. It sped out of Rinne’s grasp and ran across the floor, its small little rodent legs carrying it as fast as it could, as if it was outrunning a predator. And maybe it did see Rinne as a predator, or perhaps it was saving itself from all of Crazy:B and it somehow understood its horrible fate.
“Rinne-han hurry its-” Kohaku cut himself off by covering his mouth in surprise. Niki and HiMERU looked over to him and followed where his eyes were staring.
A vent on the wall.
There wasn’t time for anyone to say anything. Before a single sound could leave anyone's mouth, the hamster crawled through the vent’s bars and disappeared into the darkness never to be seen again.
It was quiet again in the practice room.
“Is- is that our fault?” Niki finally spoke. “Did we just accidentally kill a hamster?”
Kohaku sighed, and then reassured Niki, “Nah, honestly I think it saved itself.”
“Awe Niki don’t be too worried about Kohaku2, we still got our very own Kohaku1 to keep us company. If yer gonna miss the lil’ guy too much, maybe we can get one of those huge runnin’ wheels and put Kohaku-chan in a hamster onesie.” Rinne cackled, ruffling Kohaku’s pink hair messily.
“Ya better hope that hamster doesn’t through the vent in yer dorm and kill ya in yer sleep. Or better yet, maybe you’ll have 2 Kohaku’s killin’ ya in yer sleep tonight!”
Well there wasn’t much the bees could do. What’s done was done and they wished the best for their brief furry friend.
A week passed and they all kinda forgot about the situation as a whole. That was until Niki heard whispers in the cafe about how Alkaloid had adopted a new pet hamster. Rumor had it that one of their members had discovered the hamster while he was crawling around in the vents.