Chapter Text
“For the love of god, can we change the radio station?” Adam whines, slumping back in his seat.
Lawrence doesn’t dignify that with an answer. They’ve been on the road for three hours and have an hour to go before they reach their goal for the day. It’s already starting to get dark outside, the sun setting just outside his window. It makes the sky look lovely, streaked with orange and red and pink in overlapping shades.
Adam is in his passenger seat and has been complaining about his music choices for probably two hours straight. If Lawrence’s timing is correct. He’s also fairly sure he’s heard the phrase “dad rock” used at least four times.
The only reason he agreed to attend this interview at all was because he needed a distraction. The divorce was weighing heavily on his mind and it made him miserable. Being alone in his apartment made his head spin and made him think up dark shadows in every corner. He’d never been one for solitude, he didn’t think he’d ever lived alone in his adult life.
So when Adam called out of the blue and offered him a spot on some TV show discussing Jigsaw, he’d accepted without thinking it through. The drive would take him from the city to a small beachside town on the coast. Lawrence has no idea how Adam was contacted by these people, or why they would be interested. But he’d said yes.
He’d set about immediately coming up with a plan. How far they would go each day in order to get there in time, any supplies they would need, things like that. He’s been on family roadtrips before, this was something he was familiar with.
He had taken some time off of work, and had picked up Adam from his apartment at the agreed time. And just like that, they were on their little adventure.
Now he was regretting it a little. Only a little. Adam’s a very energetic companion, his mouth seems to move faster and more often than anyone that Lawrence has ever met. That can be a lot to sit with for several hours on end. There’s only so many times he can nod or respond per minute.
Part of him feels like he owes it to Adam. That’s a little ridiculous if he truly examines it, but regardless, it’s how he feels. And that includes control over the radio.
“Fine. But I get veto power.” He submits. Adam rolls his eyes, a gesture that Lawrence has seen from him probably thirty times so far. His brain can’t help but keep track, it’s just a habit.
In truth he and Adam have had on-again off-again communication since they were both discharged. Lawrence had been a little absent since the divorce proceedings started, he had to admit. And there’s been a tension to him and Adam’s conversations since then that he can’t quite place. It wasn’t as though Adam was angry with him, it was something else. But that hadn’t stopped him from joining Adam on this cross-country road trip.
Adam switches the channel to blaring heavy metal, which Lawrence quickly shuts down.
“Absolutely not.” He says firmly. It makes his head spin, and he’s already too worried about getting in an accident.
“You’re no fun.” Adam complains, but switches the channel to some mindless pop without any further complaint. That’s fine, Lawrence can deal with that for an hour. He doesn’t even hate most of it.
“When are we gonna stop?” Adam asks.
“Probably in an hour.” He responds. Truthfully he would rather not drive at night for extended periods of time.
“More like two with how you’re driving.” Adam says under his breath. Lawrence chooses to ignore him.
He’s easily going five under the speed limit, but he has an excuse. He’s still getting used to driving with his prosthetic leg. Even though he practices fairly often, it doesn’t calm the sting of his nerves whenever he gets on the road. Maybe he should talk to his therapist about that increase in anti-anxiety medication after all, he thinks grimly. But that’s something he can deal with later. Along with all of the various other things he can deal with later.
Adam’s been fairly quiet for this portion of the drive, mouthing along to whatever song is playing on the radio. He’s been jittery all day, likely a result of nicotine cravings if Lawrence had to guess. Adam had said he was going to try and quit smoking, something he mentioned on one of their few phone calls.
It’s not dissimilar to how Diana would behave on road trips when she got bored, he thinks. Amusing as the comparison is, it still makes his chest sting to think of his daughter. So he attempts to make conversation instead.
“Do you know anything about this show?” He asks, glancing sideways at Adam.
“Huh?” Adam says, blinking in surprise like he hadn’t heard a word that Lawrence said. Lawrence sighs internally. Adam’s attention span is also on the short side, he’s noticed. But he pushes forward regardless.
“The show that we agreed to be in. Do you know anything about it?” He’s never agreed to any sort of publicity before. In fact he’d been a little surprised that Adam had. There’s been plenty of articles published about the pair of them, he knows that. He hates it, both for himself and his family and for Adam.
“Oh. Nah, nothing at all. Besides that they offered a fat check.” Adam says with a casual shrug.
“What?!” Lawrence exclaims. A tendril of annoyance wraps around his brain and clings tight. He’d hoped for a plan, for something he could hold onto and work around. He didn’t want to go into his first bout of publicity completely blind. Especially not when he was on the fence about it already.
Adam’s head whips around and shoots Lawrence a dirty look.
“I needed the money alright? Don’t get all fucking high and mighty with me.” Adam snaps. Lawrence bites his tongue when a response nearly makes its way out of his mouth. Something about how Adam hasn’t changed his sketchy money-making ways since they escaped. Something else about how if he knew he was going to be exploited, he would’ve stayed home. But that’s cruel, and he doesn’t want an argument right now, he really doesn’t. He’s had enough arguments in the last week to last a lifetime.
Besides, it’s his own fault for not asking sooner, he reasons. His own impulsivity following the bathroom has been a new feature, one that he is not a massive fan of.
“Fine.” He says shortly, his voice sounds clipped even to his own ears. Adam gets a guilty look on his face.
“C’mon Larry, cheer up a little.” Adam goads, nudging him with his elbow. Lawrence gives him a half-smile despite himself. It’s like being around a puppy sometimes, annoying but endearing.
“It’s like a local gig, that’s about all I know.” Adam explains. Lawrence nods, feeling slightly better at that. He isn’t sure he could deal with a national TV show.
The music is able to fill the silence for the rest of the day's drive. The empty expanse of highway is almost soothing, it lets Lawrence’s brain drift.
…
The hotel they stop at is about as basic as they come, simple and boxy and familiar. Lawrence was just grateful to be off the road. The receptionist smiles at them as they enter. Both of them have a suitcase, both of them have difficulty working with them. Lawrence notices that Adam is keeping most of the weight off his shoulder. The guilt sits in his stomach like a stone at the sight.
“Hi, can we have a room?” He says, putting on a smile that feels strained and overbearing. The receptionist doesn’t seem to notice.
“One bed or two?” She questions, eyes flicking between him and Adam behind her glasses. Lawrence’s face burns a little.
“Two.” Lawrence says, maybe a little too abruptly.
He can’t help but wonder what’s going through her head when she sees him and Adam together. At least she hasn’t asked anything about Jigsaw, he’s gotten tired of people being able to recognize him in the city. He’s thought about moving, but that’s another thing for later that he files away.
The receptionist hands him the key and he and Adam walk to the elevator. Lawrence feels ready to go to sleep standing up, and Adam looks like he shares the sentiment.
Everything’s fine, until they enter their room, and see a single king bed dominating the space. They look at each other, then at the bed, and it’s like something clicks in both of their heads at once and the tension between them snaps like a rubberband.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” Adam says incredulously, and Lawrence is inclined to agree. Just their luck. Hadn’t he asked for two beds at reception?
“Do you want me to call the front desk?” Lawrence offers, determined to provide a solution if he can.
“Yeah, sure. I gotta piss first though.” Adam stalks off to the tiny bathroom and shuts the door behind him. Lawrence rings the front desk on their landline, taking a seat on the bed.
“Hello?” A voice on the other end answers. Most likely the same receptionist as before.
“Hello, this is room 204. We asked for a room with two beds in it and we only have one. Is there any way we can switch?” He keeps his voice as calm and pleasant as possible.
“Let me see.” The person on the other end of the line disappears for a few moments and Lawrence can hear them clicking through the computer and shuffling papers before returning.
“I’m terribly sorry about the mixup sir, but unfortunately all of our doubles are booked up for tonight.” Lawrence sighs and hangs up. Perfect, that’s just perfect. Adam comes out of the bathroom and looks at him expectantly.
“They have no available rooms.” He says. He and Adam lock eyes for a second, each of them going through their own internal debate.
“We can try and go somewhere else.” Adam suggests. Lawrence shakes his head.
“Adam, I’m tired. And we don’t know when the next stop would even be.” Lawrence says. It’s true, they aren’t exactly in a densely populated area, if all the corn fields were anything to go by. The last thing he wants is to be stranded by the side of the road.
“You have a point.” Adam mumbles, deflating a little.
“We’re two grown adults. We can share a bed for one night.” Lawrence says firmly, not sure if he’s trying to convince Adam or himself. Maybe a little bit of both, if he’s being honest.
Adam doesn’t look convinced. But he also doesn’t argue any further, so Lawrence considers it a done deal.
“If you snore, I’m sleeping in the hallway.” Adam grumbles, but he shoots Lawrence a sharp smile that actually gets a surprised laugh out of him.
It’s fine. They’re both tired, and it’s not as though they’re complete strangers. Lawrence reasons that he can do just about anything for a single night. It can’t be any worse than sleeping in a hospital bed, he thinks darkly.
“Are you gonna want to shower?” Adam asks, breaking Lawrence out of his revere.
“Mm, not today.” Lawrence answers. Showering for him is a bit of an ordeal that he currently doesn’t have the energy for.
“Then I call dibs.” Adam says, hopping off the bed and into the bathroom.
“Fine by me.” Lawrence nods as the door closes. Having some space to himself sounds very appealing right now if he’s being honest.
Once Adam is out of the room and he can hear the shower running, Lawrence sets about his own nightly routine. He detaches his prosthetic, changes out of his day clothes, folds them and replaces them in his suitcase. It’s methodical, and for a brief period he can lose himself in the repetition.
Once he’s dressed for bed and no longer has the distractions of his tasks, he feels his resolve falter somewhat. He feels exposed, in his undershirt and sweatpants. Then again, he thinks, Adam has seen him at the peak of his instability and he still invited him on this trip.
It’s not even like Adam’s never seen his stump leg before, he thinks with a sickly jolt.
This is when Adam comes out of the bathroom. His hair is still dripping wet. Lawrence feels his face heat up and he stares aggressively at the foot of the bed instead. The faded white of the cotton helps to keep his mind carefully blank.
“I really fucking wish I could take a bath.” Adam says with a dark smile.
Adam’s wearing a tank top and boxer shorts. It’s basically exactly the same as Lawrence’s outfit, but somehow he wears it better. Lawrence is inexplicably endeared towards him once again despite himself. Adam flips the blanket off and slides himself into bed smoothly.
“Are you coming or what?” He asks, looking at Lawrence expectantly.
“Yes.” Lawrence’s throat feels inexplicably tight. He gets into bed with the same amount of apprehension of getting into a lake where the bottom isn’t visible. Ridiculous. It’s only Adam, he tells himself as he gets into bed. Adam’s eyes glance at his amputation site but mercifully he doesn’t comment.
The amount of care they both take to not accidentally brush each other is truly impressive, he notices. Or maybe it’s just him, overly aware of the few inches of sheets that separate them.
Lawrence brought a book to read, a habit he’s picked up since living alone. His eyes keep reading the same sentence over and over again, and he eventually gives up.
“Can I turn the light off?” He asks, gesturing towards the bedside lamp.
“Huh? Oh yeah, sure.” Adam says, apparently pulled from his thoughts once again. Lawrence clicks the light off and the room is filled with darkness. He can hear Adam breathing next to him.
“Goodnight.” He says, unsure of what else to say.
“Night Larry.” Adam rolls onto his side, and is asleep probably thirty seconds later given by how deeply he’s breathing. Lawrence takes longer than that, staring at the ceiling, at the windows, at nothing in particular. He’s extremely aware of the few inches of space between them again. He does eventually drift into a restless sleep.
When he wakes up, Adam is completely draped over him. It nearly makes him start, but he keeps still.
Lawrence feels the itchy feeling of stubble on his neck. His heart starts beating faster despite himself. Adam is still asleep, his head resting on Lawrence’s chest. In the light of the early morning Lawrence can see all the stubble on his face, and the fact that he’s drooling slightly. That should gross him out more, but somehow he can’t find it in him to be annoyed.
He studies Adam’s face where it presses against him. Adam looks so restful like this, he notes. The usual frown on his face is gone, it makes him look so much younger. He’s suddenly uncomfortably aware of how warm he is, how warm Adam is pressed against him.
Adam shifts in his sleep, his lower half pressing against Lawrence’s. A slow rise of heat in his belly picks up, and then spreads downward to his complete horror. He fights against it with all his might. It might not be visible, but it doesn’t make it feel less damning.
If he’s caught like this, if Adam were to wake up right now he has no idea what he would say. He doesn’t know what Adam would say, if Adam would be disgusted, if he’d be embarrassed, or something else entirely.
So of course, that’s when Adam wakes up. His eyes flicker awake, and settle on Lawrence’s face staring down at him. They stare at each other for what feels like an eternity with neither of them saying anything.
“Oh shit!” Adam jerks back to his half of the bed like somebody electrocuted him. The comparison isn’t entirely appropriate, but Lawrence can’t help but use it. The suddenness of his movements makes Lawrence startle as well.
“Adam-“ He starts to talk before his words are even fully formed. What can he even say?
“Jesus fuck I’m sorry.” Adam sounds so upset that it throws Lawrence off. He had just gotten himself down from his own internal panic, he wasn’t prepared for Adam’s reaction to be this intense. He had expected an off-handed comment, or silence, or even a joke. But not…this.
“It’s fine, really, it’s fine-.” Lawrence tries to assure him half-heartedly. His heart is racing and the pulse of blood under his skin makes him heat up even more.
“You know I wasn’t, like, trying anything right?” Adam looks at him with borderline desperation. His eyes are wide and Lawrence doesn’t even know what to say. His throat feels dry again.
“What are you talking about?” Lawrence is completely lost. All the while, he still feels the warmth of Adam’s body against his. It’s incredibly distracting and makes his thoughts come much slower than usual.
“Fuck, never mind, forget it.” Adam brushes him off and gets out of bed in a flurry of movement. Whatever moment they were having in their sleep has been broken. Lawrence tries to fight off the sudden and irrational sting of rejection.
“Alright.” Lawrence says carefully. He doesn’t want to push the issue, and frankly he’s not sure what he would even call the issue. There’s a moment of silence between them.
“We’re gonna do five hours today right?” Adam asks suddenly. It’s a very obvious attempt to change the subject. Lawrence allows it.
“Yes, if that still works for you.” Lawrence gladly slips back into discussing logistics. It’s easier that way.
“Yeah, yeah, that’s cool. I’m just gonna…get ready” Adam nods and busies himself with vanishing into the bathroom to get dressed. He leaves Lawrence with his head spinning from how fast everything is happening. He’s only just woken up, and he hasn’t been getting enough sleep as it is.
They have a five hour drive ahead of them with this hanging over them the entire time. Lawrence can hardly wait.