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She remembers the first time it ever happened as it nearly took her breath away.
It was their very first family dinner together after her and Joel had gotten engaged and she remembers how nervous she had been as it was also the first time their parents were meeting. She had picked a charming restaurant with a jewish friendly menu on the Upper West Side and she had worn the perfect pink dress to match the evening's aesthetic. Her dress came with matching gloves.
If you asked the old her, she would have told you that night had been perfect.
So perfect in fact she went home with her parents a little more anxious to marry Joel than ever before.
She had ordered the same as mama, soup and salad. She finished her salad and when the waiter came around she had deliberately let him carry the other half of her soup away, even though she had still been hungry. Just like mama taught her.
When it had come time for coffee and dessert, Joel had gone with the Tiramisu and she had chosen the chocolate cake. The table had been filled with the clattering of dishes and light conversation about the wedding when it had happened.
“Oh, thank you, but I am actually not finished with that just yet,” Miriam had smiled at the waiter as he had tried to take the remainder of her dessert.
“Yea she is,” Joel had intercepted when the waiter attempted to set her plate back down, his own mouth still full of his own dessert as he had raised his hand to block the server from giving her dish back. She had been so startled by the situation that for the first time in years, she was left speechless along with the rest of the table. Her blue eyes had been filled with shock and her porcelain skin flushed with embarrassment as she nervously glanced around the table. Shirley had only paused briefly at her son's words while Moishe continued to eat right through them.
Mama was polite, papa was quiet, and Miriam was perfect throughout the remainder of the dinner.
After dinner, Miriam had declined Joel’s multiple offers to walk her back to her dorm, instead choosing to go home with her parents that night.
“You sure?” He had asked.
“Yea, you know, wedding things and all that.”
“Alright,” he pecked her on the cheek. “I’ll call ya.”
“I’ll sit by the phone.”
‘Everything will be fine after we get married,’ she told herself as she watched him walk away.
Later that night when mama and papa were in bed, she pulled out her pink weight journal and measured herself before taking a bath and when her numbers matched up part of her felt relief while another part of her felt her heart sink. ‘How was she supposed to fix herself when she didn’t know what the problem was?’
She remembers laying in bed that night, her hair rollers in place along with her face cream as she mentally vowed to have a smaller waist by her wedding and to maintain that size long after.
“I’ll blame it on the dress,” she had whispered to the walls of her childhood room. She was thankful they couldn’t talk back. “
‘Perfect marriage, perfect life, perfect wife,’ was her last thought as sleep found her.
The second time it happened they had been with Archie and Imogene at the Copa celebrating their one year anniversary.
“I’ll have the cheesecake please and what about you Midge?” Imogen had chirped.
“We just had dinner,” Joel had stated, interrupting Archie's story about how he got his tie stuck in the fax machine at work that morning.
“Just another martini please, up the olives,” she politely smiled at the waiter. ‘Maybe if she ordered extra olives each time, she wouldn't be so hungry,’ she had strategized.
When everyone's dessert came except hers, she remembered Imogen squeezing her hand under the table and offering her bite of her own dessert when the boys were talking.
Perfect marriage, perfect life, perfect wife.
The third time it happened, Lenny didn't like it.
“Miriam you are just so brave, with a wedding coming up and eating all that dessert like that…” Shirley screeched for half the restaurant to hear. “I’m bursting just looking at you!”
“Are you finished, miss?” the waiter asked.
“Um, no…” she hesitated at her ex-mother-in laws words. ‘Maybe her wedding dress could be less snug,’ she thought.
“She is.” Her mother gave her a knowing look.
“How about you say another word about my wife’s figure and I'll tell you what I think about yours.” Her soon to be husband's words cut through the air like a knife, a deafening silence taking over the table.
“Excuse me?” Moishe said angrily. Joel just sat there in shock with the rest of us.
“Why yes,” Lenny said leaning back in his seat as he brought his cigarette to his lips. “You and your uh… wife are excused.”
“You gonna let this schmuck talk to us this way Abe?”
“You gonna let your wife eat that third dessert?” Lenny continued as he squeezed her thigh in comfort under the table. Lenny knew all about Joel and her weight diary.
That was the last time Moishe and Shirley came to dinner.
The fourth time it almost happened, Lenny didn’t let it.
“I am starving, I’ve been fasting all week.” Astrid bragged as she inhaled a bread roll.
“For a non jew, you really enjoy torturing yourself,” Miriam laughed at her sister in law.
“You should really try fasting Midge, it’s freeing in a way…kind of.”
“Trust me, Midge doesn't fast,” Joel, her ex-husband piped up from across the table just as Lenny slid into the chair next to her.
“What I miss?” he asked, kissing her forehead.
“Oh, hi Lenny!” Astrid greeted excitedly, “we’re talking about fasting.”
“What kind of jew would do that?” he asked sarcastically, causing a perplexed look from Astrid.
“He’s kidding Astrid,” Midge tried and failed to contain her laughter at her husband's joke.
“These were important temples,” she pouted, causing her and Lenny to snicker like school children.
The rest of the dinner had gone smoothly and when Astrid and Noah announced that they were expecting their second baby, they ordered an array of desserts in celebration.
When a waiter tried to take away her dessert plate when she wasn’t finished with it yet, her husband spoke up before she could.
“Did she say she was done eating,” Lenny arched his brow at the young waiter.
“Uh, no Mr. Bruce…” he stuttered, setting the plate back down.
“So you’ll do her the courtesy of asking her next time then, yes?”
“O-of course Mr.Bruce.”
When the waiter scurried off, her husband met her warm gaze as she just stared lovingly at him. Neither of them said a thing as he lit up a cigarette and cast his eyes down as he tried to contain his smirk.
“Mr. Bruce, huh?”
“I am very famous,” he teased, causing her to burst out laughing.
The fifth time it happened, it wasn’t to her.
Her and Joel had been divorced for almost two years now when their new families ran into each other one night at the same restaurant, their tables naturally merging together. Joel and Mei sat across from her next to his parents and Mama and Papa were on her right while he was on her left. The night had so far been tolerable with their unexpected guests and when their dinner plates had been switched out for dessert menus and coffee poured all around, Lenny had excused himself to use the restroom when it happened.
“She’ll take half of that to go,” Joel informed the waiter when Mei’s dessert was about to be set down in front of her.
“Oh come on, let her live a little,” Moishe had laughed.
“No, he’s right, I just had the baby so I need to be careful.” Mei had informed them with a tight smile, only the women noticing how it didn’t reach her eyes.
Her heart broke for the other woman sitting across from her because that used to be her and just the thought of ever being that woman again made her sick to her stomach.
“Sweetheart,” a warm voice whispered into her ear, bringing her out of her thoughts. Turning to meet her husband's sultry brown eyes, she couldn’t contain the smile he often drew from her. “Did you not order anything for dessert?”
Glancing around the table, she quickly realized she had forgotten to order her own sweet.
“I must’ve gotten a little distracted,” she told him as she couldn’t help but think of Mei again.
Instead of answering, Lenny simply pushed his own dessert in front of her as he took a sip of his coffee.
“I’m fine Lenny,” she smiled softly.
“You want me to feed you?” He threatened humorously as he draped his arm over her chair and leaned into her and she couldn’t help the blush that she felt warm her cheeks at the idea he presented.
“Never mind, don’t answer that,” he chuckled, picking up the fork and helping her with her first bite of his- their- chocolate cake. Wrapping her lips around the offered dessert without breaking eye contact, the couple missed the small smile Abe Weismann covered with his cup of coffee.
“I love you,” she told her husband when he took his own bite, her eyes never leaving his handsome profile.
Cocking his head to the side to look at her, he arched his brow in that seductive way he does and offered her another bite. “I think you mean you love chocolate cake.”
“I am serious Lenny,” she whispered as she declined the second bite of dessert he offered her.
“In that case…” he paused, hailing down a waiter. “My wife and I will take the rest of this to go, thank you.”
“Leaving so soon?” Rose Weismann frowned along with the rest of the table.
“Yes, you see my wife here isn’t feeling all that well.” Lenny informed them as he helped her into her coat.
“Miriam…what’s wrong?” Her mother frowned.
“Oh nothing mama!” Midge tried to contain her laughter at her husband's sudden eagerness to get home.
“Then why are you leaving?”
“Yea, why are you leaving?” Joel jumped in, clearly annoyed.
“Don’t worry mama Weismann, I am just gonna take her home so we can eat the rest of our dessert.”
“Why can’t you finish it here?”
“Because I usually prefer that your daughter is naked while I feed her chocolate cake,” Lenny winked at her mother while draping his coat over his arm.
Forks dropped all around the restaurant as Shirley choked on her babka, her mother gasped in horror, Mei gaped in envy and Joel…well Joel looked furious.
“Miriam!”
“Well you did ask mama,” She giggled as her husband escorted her out of the restaurant with the remainder of their dessert in tow.
“By the way Mrs. Bruce, I love you too.” Lenny murmured, kissing her temple as their cab pulled up to the curb.