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Flashing lights, thumping music and way too many hormonal teenagers cramped in a room. An average school dance, for the future pro-heros to have somewhat of a typical school experience. At the age where the smallest things could send some off the emotional deep-end, add on not wanting to be there in the first place and of course it's a recipe for disaster. It's pretty normal to get dragged to these types of things by more outgoing friends but it doesn't make it any easier no matter how often it happens.
Vermillion eyes shift around the dark but colorfully lit room, only longing to lock onto one person out of the close to hundreds here. Voices barely register in his ears, once again only hoping to hear a certain voice out of everyone here, but once again no luck so far. Feeling a hand on his shoulder his eyes hopefully dart from the dancefloor only to be disappointed as they meet those of his vibrant electric classmate.
“Dude, I doubt they’ll even be here!” He shouted over the music as he held out a cup in front of him. “Momo said she’s been trying to convince them to come but she doesn’t think they will. Said something about a headache.” He finished before turning to the pinkette next to him who was yelling about the song currently playing around them.
Singing quietly to himself, Katsuki glanced once more around the room, not even knowing what he was expecting to happen if they were here. Would he run up and apologize? Would he try to ignore them to help keep his own pride and protect his shrinking ego?...Would they even want to see him? ‘Of course not’ he thought to himself, running his rough hand over his eyes and closing them for a brief moment while trying to collect himself.
‘I would be surprised if when they saw me they decided to scream at me and make a scene right here… at least then they’d acknowledge me finally.’ he thought before opening his eyes and following after his friends who moved towards one of the tables slightly further away from the dancefloor but closer to the snacks. Kamanari yelling towards Sero about the terrible food choices and suggesting sneaking out to get their own.
Sitting down he adjusted his jacket as he reached for the phone in his pocket, screen slightly chipped on one side from that time they had grabbed his phone to give to him but dropped it when their hands touched for a second too long. He refused to fix it before and is more against it now than ever. Once again, no new messages or calls, no Tiktok or Instagram notifications of those stupid vidoes he loved to get but refused to ever say outloud. No cute messages asking about his day or if he remembered to do his skin care in the morning, which he always remembered, but if it meant they would text him he’d gladly forget everyday.
Leg bouncing while staring at the background of the phone, the only part of him in the photo being his lower jaw, which rested on their head while they were snuggled up on his bed. The photo, now months old but still fresh in his mind, seemed to haunt him every second he looked at it, but he once again refused to change it or even the similar lock screen, hopeful this was all just a prank or a dream, deep down he knew it wasn't. Days spent in his dark room, tears silently falling as he kept doing the one thing that ran their relationship into the ground, refusing to talk or explain his feelings. He wanted to, so bad, even if it was just to get them back in his life for a day.
He has always known he’d be the breaking point if he ever got into a relationship, he had always had a hard time expressing his more ‘vulnerable’ emotions in front of others. Yet they had never given him a reason not to trust him, never given him a reason to hide in his own head for days on end, but he knew it would be even more selfish of him if he had forced this relationship to continue on. The look in their eyes when he said those words would probably stay in his mind for the rest of his sad and lonely life, pure heartbreak and utter shock. Of course they didn't know it was coming, he hadn't even know until the hour before it all happened, he had once again made a dumb and impulsive decision that he would have to live with for the rest of his life.
Finally looking up towards his friends he saw the pinkette dragging their resident manly man towards the dance floor just as a song ended, large smiles on both their faces as they faded into the crowd to find a spot to dance. Looking over to his side he saw Sero and Kamanari over at the food table talking with other classmates, once again he was alone. He knew they didn't mean anything by it, he knew he could be a party pooper, but it still doesn't feel any better. Chewing nervously on his lip, his deep eyes glance around the room, trying to find anything or anyone to watch to distract himself from the pure boredom that would soon ensue.
They showed up…they're right there. Not a single care as they grabbed onto Momo’s arm while laughing and horribly, yet adorably dancing to the song playing. Music fading out from his ears as he watched them from his seat, he shifted so he was leaning over his phone, just in case anyone looked over and thought he was staring. Glancing back up towards them he couldn't tear his sad eyes away, they looked amazing, the flashing colors bouncing off their soft cheeks, their hair gently swaying as they moved around with their friends. They look so happy.
‘Without me’
He knew he had no right to be upset, it had been weeks, and he was the idiot who ruined it all. He was the one who broke their heart, the one who probably ruined them as much as he ruined himself. He wanted nothing more than to be selfish once again and go up to them, but what would he even say at a time like this. Can we talk? I’m sorry? I know I ruined us both but I'm an idiot and I take it all back even though it's been weeks and you deserve so much better than me? They had too much self respect to just give in, and he knew that, it's one of the million things he can think of off the top of his head that he loved about them…
Dark eyes locked onto him from over their shoulder, he hadn't even noticed their back now facing him as Momo stared at him, probably trying to figure out why he was clearly being a creep and staring. Finally breaking eye contact he opened his messages where he had had a previously typed out message that he had still never gotten the courage to send, part of him knowing they’d probably just ignore him, it's all they seemed to do nowadays. Any class time spent near each other was met with a cold silence from both parties, at least he would still try to look at them, but he had yet to be able to catch their eye since that nightmare of a day.
It had just been a rushed text of pure emotions only an hour after it all happened, it had taken him that long to realize what he had done and how severely he had screwed up. He knew that was way too long and he knew there was probably nothing he could do to get them back, not that he deserved any of it. It was just the rambling of an emotionally overwhelmed Katsuki who had just been pissed at himself and didn't know how to fix his screw ups. They always knew how to calm him down and help ease his mind and horrible thoughts, yet now it seemed like that was all he had left in his head.
Hearing a new song start playing he looked up once again only to meet the eyes he’d been yearning to meet for the past few weeks, and now he couldn’t react. Not a single muscle moved as he just stared back, ignoring the other sets of eyes around them he only stared into their eyes, silently pleading for forgiveness he didn’t deserve and hoping for them to make the first move. The lights reflecting in their eyes made it painfully clear as tears built up in their eyes, just as they had the last time they had met, he didn't deserve to be cried over, not again. His eyes growing dry from refusing to blink, he knew if he blinked they’d be gone and he wouldn’t be able to look into their eyes ever again. Selfishly he stood up, his body reacting before his mind could even process what he was doing.
Each footstep of his fell into rhythm with the booming music unintentionally as he walked through the crowded room, eyes never wavering as he got closer. A single teardrop fell from their eye as he pushed through another couple, his eyes widened a bit in surprise. He’d made them cry, again. They must have seen the hesitation in his next few steps before they turned around and pushed their own way through the crowd, without fail he rushed forward not thinking, not caring as their friends shouted after him. All he wanted was to hold them once more, to comfort them, he just wanted them to be okay.
As he pushed through groups of people his eyes never left them even when people tried to pass between them, his heart thumping along with the music as his anxiety about the evening started to grow. He knew most likely he was going to make things but he needed to talk to them finally and he wasn't about to let the opportunity slip away once again. His voice could be heard slightly over the loud music as he called after them, never once did they raise their head, only looking down at the ground as they squeezed through the double doors leading out to the campus courtyard.
“Please! We need to talk!” He shouted as he rushed through the doors to find them turning around a corner of the building. Slightly pushing himself forward with his quirk he was finally able to catch up, deciding against grabbing their hand he jumped in front of them with his hands in front of him. If he could see his own face he knows it would have looked just as pathetic as theirs, excluding the outward tears that silently ran down their cheeks.
“Please stop! Look… I just.” He started but stopped once he saw how overwhelmed they were in front of him, eyes blurred behind waves of tears, cheeks warm from running through a crowd, hair slightly frizzy, yet still just as beautiful as he had always thought. “Just please breathe right now, we’ll talk in a minute. Just don’t pass out on me.” He tried to joke, for both of their sake.
Their hands slipped over their face hiding from the one person they didn't want to see tonight, they knew he hardly would have come here on his own, yet he still showed up. All that could be heard around them was sharp and shaky intakes of breath as they slowly started to calm down, they didn't want to have this conversation but knew that it needed to eventually be done. Finally calmed down enough, they whipped their face but kept their head down avoiding his eyes that they could always get lost in for hours.
“What do you want?” They said finally after a few silent moments.
“Why did you run away?” He said not thinking, everything he wanted to say, to confess slipped the second they opened their mouth.
They sighed not looking up at him, “How would you feel if the guy you loved, dumped you, didn't talk to you for weeks, and when you actually see him after getting a bit better he finally decides it's time to talk.” They said sharply looking towards the distant trees, refusing to look anywhere towards him if it could be helped.
“I-...I need to explain myself, and apologize to you.” He mumbled while wiping the sweat from his hands on his pants, he was staring at their faces while they couldn't even look him in the eyes. “Can you look at me, just for this?” He pleaded quietly. After a few moments of silence and contemplation they finally turned their head and locked eyes for the second time in what felt like forever.
“I’m not good at this shit. You knew that getting into all this, but im not gonna blame you for it because im the one who fucked it all up. I… I’m sorry, I’m sorry that I hurt you, I'm sorry that I feel horrible and that I left you alone. I’m sorry that I was dumb and impulsive, I don't want to make any excuses I just…I just needed to talk to you. I figured you hated me and never wanted to talk to me again, which I guess I was right about considering you’ve refused to look at me till now.” Taking a deep breath, he never broke eye contact as he began pouring his heart for the first time in what seemed like a life-time.
“I’ve never felt the way you make me feel, and I don't like it. It's confusing and weird and you know I don't like the unknown. As much as I say I hate feeling that way, I never meant that I hate you or being with you, if I could, I would spend the rest of my life alone with you, just us together and those shitty romance movies you love to cry over. I’m not good at explaining myself but I know what I did was fucked up and you didn't deserve it at all.”
“You're right, I didn't.” They said sternly cutting him off, there was no way he was going to do the bare minimum to win them back. They were gonna make him work his ass off for a long time. “Being in a relationship means being there for each other. If one of us is upset it's us vs the problem, not me vs you. We’re supposed to talk things through, not just impulsively walk into a room and dump the other while they are eating lunch. What you did was fucked up and I hope you don't expect just a bit of talking to fix everything at once.” They said calmly with their chin up and eyes free of any tears.
This was the one he fell for, the no bullshit attitude, especially not from him. He smiled softly, his cheeks hardly moving as he stared forward at them. “Of course not, I want to get better. Not just for myself, but us. It’s been a horrible few weeks and I can't imagine how hard it must have been for you, I wish I never opened my mouth that day. I was just upset with classes and I was in my head like usual, I just didn't know how to shut off any of the thoughts.”
“You have to prove to me you would freak out if you're upset, we have to talk about these things together okay? I don't know if I can handle that again…I didn't even know what I did wrong.” They said finally breaking eye contact to look up at the dark star filled night sky above them.
“It was never you, you wer- are perfect. I just couldn't stop thinking of everything ive fucked up and I know I don't deserve you, not in this lifetime or any. I just didn't know how to explain what I was feeling at the time. I’m sorry again for all I did.” He said, stepping a bit closer to them as they continued looking up, the moon reflecting in their eyes as he tried to count the stars in their eyes. “I want to spend the rest of my life fixing this, I don't want this to happen again to us. I love you so much. I was just scared.” He finished before they turned their head towards him again.
“I know Katsuki. We’ll get through this, let's hope it doesn't end the same.” They said before gently interlocking their pinkies together. Katsuki smiled, feeling their hand by his once again, as it should always be.
“I heard they had shitty snacks…do you wanna go get our own?” He asked as they rested their head against his shoulder. Laughing softly they smile before nodding.
“Me and you vs the snack aisle.”