Chapter Text
The wide hallways are almost empty from decorations of any kind, making them even more intimidating. You’re sitting on a dark chair, among a row of other people that you assume have applied for the same position you did. All of them look so professional and patient in their possibly-really-expensive suits and ties and dresses. Sure, you have a similar pantsuit on, but it’s not even close to some of those surrounding you.
You’re sure you’re way over your head with this interview, but your mom had basically pushed you through the doors, insisting on you to give it a go. Because ‘you’ll miss every chance you don’t take’ or something along those lines. Mom’s right, she usually is. But your nerves are telling you to run out the door, right now, before they’ll call you in.
Is it too early for this? Are you sure you’re ready to get back on the field? After you had your daughter 3 years ago, you’d sworn to stay away from field work. For years, you’ve worked as a forensic psychologist, interviewing inmates and assessing them and their headspace throughout their lives. It was fascinating (and really creepy at times) but you needed something more.
But once you heard that there’s an opening inside the Behavioral Analysis Unit, it felt too perfect to not apply. You sent in your resume and cover letter and all. You didn’t think you’d get anywhere with it, but at least you could say you tried. But here you are, waiting for them to call you in for your interview.
Three people had gone in already, and you see the third one just walking back through the glass doors, headed towards the elevators. You turn your eyes back to your hands and pick on your nails for distraction, waiting for someone to be called in next. Or to tell you that the rest of the interviews are canceled, due to the position being already filled.
“(Y/L/N)?” A kind voice speaks out and you look around you to see who’s going in next. It takes a moment for you to realize your name being called. “(Y/L/N)?” She speaks again, her eyes on you. You rush to your feet and hurry up to her. You try to remain calm and respond to her bright smile you didn’t notice before.
“Sorry, I’m a bit nervous” you admit to her as you walk beside her. She’s about the same height as you and her yellow heels echo on the tile floor as she leads the way. She’s not exactly what you had expected to see inside the FBI, as her outfit is everything but dull and boring pantsuit – much like what you’re wearing right now. She has a small sunflower on her hair and bees flying in her flowy dress. “Your dress is so cute!” You tell her, hoping it will ease your nerves a little bit.
“Oh thank you so much! You’ll do great, I’m sure” it’s clear she’s genuinely appreciating your compliment. Her voice is refreshing and cheery, it’s hard not to smile around her. “Agent Hotchner will see you now” she smiles and knocks on the door she’s led you to.
Of course you have heard of Agent Hotchner before. He’s well known inside the bureau and you’ve seen him on television multiple times. You’ve always admired the way he’s able to handle the press with such authority. But now that you know he is the one to interview you, your nerves are immediately back and grown exponentially. He seems really intimidating, at least what you’ve heard of him.
You’ve never had the chance to personally meet him and work with him, but you’ve seen his name in a lot of the paperwork of inmates you’ve interviewed. He’s spoken in court for cases you’ve worked on, but you’ve never had the chance to catch a glimpse of his testimonies.
The woman pushes the door open as she hears the man speak from inside. With an encouraging smile, she wishes you good luck and closes the door behind you. A man in a dark gray suit is standing behind a big desk at the end of the office. He’s tall and his dark, short hair is in neat order. He is exactly what you expected to see inside the FBI: Authoritative and intimidating.
But as your eyes meet his, a polite smile forms on his lips, changing his features completely. He reaches his hand towards you “Miss (Y/L/N), I presume? Glad you could make it. I’m SSA Hotchner”.
You shake his hand as you introduce yourself. It’s silly, how everytime you’re in an interview, you feel like you’re 14 again; going to your first summer job interview and hearing your mom’s advice in your head. “Remember to smile and have a tight grip as you shake hands. It gives a good first impression” she’d tell you. With her advice in mind, you notice how warm the man’s hand is and how small it makes your own feel.
“Please” he gestures towards the chair next to you and you go to take a seat. Agent Hotchner has waited for you to be seated before sitting down to his own. You pay attention to how he presses his blue, dotted tie against his chest as he sits down. His posture is straight and it seems to come very naturally to him.
As you get seated, you take a quick look around the office. A huge bookshelf covers the whole back wall of his office. It’s mostly filled with books of different kinds. You recognize a few of them, but most of them look like old law and psychology books and studies. But what catches your eye are the photographs behind him.
There’s a young boy in two of them, in one with a blonde woman, smiling so brightly for the camera, and one with the man himself. Behind them, there’s a group of people gathered for a photo. It looks casual, yet the members have somewhat-formal outfits on. Possibly his team? There’s also a couple of drawings there that bring a smile to your lips.
His desk is organized, but full at the same time. A pile of familiar looking files fill a big part of the surface. They’re all those harsh, brown colored binders that you see on crime shows on tv. You can almost feel the roughness of the cardboard in your hands just by looking at it. A pen holder is placed on the middle, but a dark blue pencil and pen are located on the left side of him, along with a blank, ruled notepad.
“What do you see?” he asks, bringing you back to the moment. You’re not sure how long you’ve been in your head, but it’s clear it has not been missed by the agent. Your cheeks are burning hot. This is not a good start for the interview and you can’t help but beat yourself up for it in your head.
You turn your focus back to the man, trying your hardest to stay calm and collected. You’re not sure how to read the look on his face. There’s a certain curiosity there, but it’s so subtle it makes you doubt yourself.
You’re not sure what to say, so you wait for him to continue. To ask you something like ‘tell me about yourself’ or whatever the first couple of questions usually are in interviews. “What is it that my office tells you?” he asks instead, leaning his forearms on the desk between you two. As you’re caught off guard by the question, he continues “Trust your instincts. The way you looked around the room, please tell me. What does it tell you?”
Not exactly a normal interview question, but this isn’t exactly a normal job you’re sure. “The office tells a lot about its owner” you start “I was looking at the books behind you and it seems like a big variety of subjects. They’re pretty much the first thing you notice when you walk in and I think they’re important to you. Not value wise, but I think they speak a lot about your genuine curiosity to learn”.
Once you start speaking, the words flow out. Agent Hotchner hangs on to your every word, listening carefully. He slightly leans his head to the side as he listens. It’s very subtle, but it brings hearing impairment to your mind. As if he’s turning his head slightly so he can hear you better with his ‘better side’. You’re not sure if there’s anything there to confirm your suspicion but it’s fascinating how it made you think of that.
“The pictures in the middle are the most important to you. I’m guessing the boy in those pictures is your son. It’s clear that you’re proud of him, he’s in front of everything else there and you hold the drawings on the back. Not because you’re not proud of them, but I think they feel more personal, so they are stored back there”. Hotchner moves slightly to the left with his chair, giving you a better look to the shelf behind him and takes a look in the same direction as well. “Judging from the drawings, I’m guessing Jack’s 7? He can write his name really well and there’s some basic understanding of depth in his drawings, which usually develops around the age of 6 and 7”.
The smile on him encourages you to continue. This is turning out to be a really interesting interview, and it’s starting to feel like a monologue in a way “I believe the woman is his mother?” he quietly nods, but doesn’t say a word to interrupt you “But there’s only you and Jack in the drawings, which implies that she’s not in his life anymore. Maybe divorce? But I find it unusual that you’d hold a picture of her so close if she’s only an ex. I think there’s a different loss behind it” you stop yourself, feeling yourself crossing an invisible line of sorts, even if the curiosity in the agent’s eyes hasn’t shifted.
“What I find interesting is that I don’t see any kinds of trophies or diplomas behind you. Sure, they’re on the other wall, but you don’t really pay attention to them until you know they’re there. But what it tells me is that you don’t want people to judge you by them. You want your actions to speak for you, not a piece of paper on the wall. You’re not in it for the praise, you’re here to help people and do your job”. You feel like you’ve been talking forever, but he asked you a question and you’re eager to show him what you’ve got. “You’re left handed, but you’re able to do a lot of things with your right hand, for example your holster is on the right” you slightly point to his waist, where his gun is stored on a leather holster.
“On the outside, you’re strict and the definition of ‘FBI’. But here you are, with a little fluffy pen in the pen holder. I will throw a wild guess and say that the woman in the bee dress is behind it? And you actually love it. A little splash of color in your office”. Agent Hotchner goes to grab the pen with pink feathers at the end of it. He’s clearly amused by you bringing the pen up and you notice a dimple on his cheek as he grins. “You also have a tendency to bury yourself to work. I doubt all unit chiefs have this amount of files around them at all times”.
You lean back and take a deep breath. That’s pretty much all you can think of at this moment, but if given a chance, you could probably give him more. But you’re sure you’ve said plenty. Hotchner licks his lips mindlessly and raises his brows with a chuckle “Good eye”. He puts the pen back down and turns his attention fully back to you.
“I hope I didn’t go too far”
“Oh, no. That was really fascinating. And you would be correct. Garcia, the woman in the bee dress, left this here at some point and it’s been here ever since” he takes one of the binders from beside him and opens it. “I called your earlier supervisor yesterday and he speaks very highly of you. Also your track record is more than impressive”. You had no idea he had taken the time to speak to your boss already and the praise coming from a man in his position feels great.
“I’ve seen your work and reports from inmates and courtrooms. I think you would be a valuable addition to the team” he says and it’s so casual you almost miss it.
“Wait” you need a moment to process the information coming your way “that’s all?”
“You’ve more than proved yourself, you have the experience from the field and the system. But please, if you have anything you want to know, feel free to ask. But the position is yours, if you want it”.
What he’s saying is starting to hit you and you try your hardest not to run to hug him, screaming from excitement. Instead, you remain seated and ask “Can I think about it?”
“Absolutely. There’s no r-”
“I’ll take it” you say before he even gets to finish his sentence. “When do I start?”
He hands you a pile of papers to read through and explains how things will proceed from here. There’s a lot of papers to sign and fill for different licenses and badges. And it hits you: you’re going to be a part of the BAU! You’d only come here for an interview, assuming there was no way you’d hear from the Bureau again.
But here you are, signing paperwork for a badge and looking through your calendar for training sessions and gun range.
“This is so strange” your nervousness is starting to release and right now it is in a form of laughter. You try to hold back, but a small giggle escapes your lips.
“What’s that?” he asks, curiosity taking over him as well.
“I guess it hasn’t hit me quite yet. You know?” you try to explain “I’m a little nervous to get back on field. It’s been a little over 3 years since the last time. I took some time off once my daughter was born. But I am excited to get back”.
He’s very understanding and assures that he’s going to help you ease back into it “We have a great team and if there’s ever anything that you’re unsure of or thinking about, please don’t hesitate to ask. Whether it’s from me or anyone else on the team, you’re not alone”.
That’s really reassuring to hear and it eases the last of your nerves. But you’re sure the nerves will return when you actually start the job.