Chapter Text
Carmilla
Her phone rang, interrupting this in all of it’s sweaty glory.
“Sorry love,” Carmilla breathed in her fake British accent, “but I’m going to have to cut this short.” Carmilla moved away from the girl despite her protests and answered her phone.
“’Ello?” Carmilla greeted.
“Oh no. Oh no no no. Please please please tell me you’re not faking British accents to get girls again.” Perry pled. Carmilla rolled her eyes.
“Our boss is being a precarious prick again, eh? No worries; tell me your problem.” Carmilla was still out of breath, but not nearly as winded as the girl next to her. Maybe she can still finish… She stood in front of the girl and pushed her head to where she needs it most.
“Oh god. Are you… With someone right now?” Perry asked after a moan poured from Carmilla’s lips.
“Now?” She panted. God, this girl was good with her tongue. What’s her name? Stephanie? Bethany? “No.” Carmilla lied. “What do ya need?” She just knows Perry's eyes are rolling on the other line.
“My god you are vulgar.” Perry muttered. She let out a frustrated sigh. “Look. Can you put… That, on hold please?” Carmilla sighed. She was so close...
“This better be important.” Carmilla muttered. She walked away from the good-with-her-tongue girl to a separate area of the hotel room.
“It is.” Perry said, enthusiasm seeping into her voice. “So, as you know, Lafontaine and I have been together for a while now…”
“Yes. Four years. You parade that fact all the time.” She’s so annoyed that her hook up had to stop that she nearly forgot she had to keep up her British accent. “Why, did you guys break up?”
“No!” She said curtly. “Of course not! Why would you-“ Carmilla chuckled darkly. Perry sighed. “You’re teasing me again, aren’t you?”
“Maybe.” Carmilla heard Perry scoff. By now, she’s used to her games. "You know I love you." Carmilla quipped.
“Yeah yeah. I’ll keep it short, then." There was a dramatic pause that Carmilla almost didn't have the patience for. "Lafontaine and I are engaged!”
Carmilla’s jaw dropped. “You’re what!” “Mhm!”
“Oh I’m-“ British accent; don’t forget. “That’s bloody brilliant!” The girl wrapped her arms around Carmilla’s waist, her hand sneaking down to her stomach. “Can we celebrate later? I’m still a little-“ She had to stop a moan from slipping past her lips. “Still a little busy.”
“Ew. Right. Okay. Well, you continue your double DJ-“ If Carmilla wasn’t trying to stop her moans she would have bursted out laughing (Perry has a lot of odd names for lesbian sex)- “I’ll give you the details later. And, Carmilla?” Her voice turned a bit serious.
“Yeah?” Carmilla replied. If she wasn’t being fucked against a dresser right now she’s sure she’d care about the change in tone more.
“There’s- well the engagement party.”
“Let me guess; you have it all planned out.” Carmilla teased.
“You know me so well.” Perry replied. Carmilla chuckled. “Just, well…” The girl curled her fingers, causing Carmilla's phone to drift away from her ear as another moan slipped past her lips. She swore she heard the forbidden name.
“I’m sorry, what was that?” Carmilla asked, phone back to her ear.
“I said… Well, Laura’s is going.” Laura. Carmilla hasn’t seen Laura in four years; not since the day she left. “But! It’s not for a week or so. So for now, celebrate with me!” Carmilla shoved the feelings down.
“I will later. Gotta run. Call me at a better time.” Carmilla tossed her phone aside and gripped the edges of the dresser, choosing to focus on the girl fucking her instead of the one that fucked her over.
Laura
“Babe! Seriously!” Laura said past her giggles. She drew in a breath. “I’m going to pass out!”
“Better not, sleeping beauty.” She replied, wiggling fingers relentless on Laura’s stomach. Laura snatched her wrists and pried her hands off her stomach, both of their smiles wide.
“Are you awake now?” She teased. Laura rolled her eyes.
“I am, thank you very much. Though you didn’t need to tickle me, Mae.”
Mae beamed down at her, that angelic smile that made Laura’s heart swell in her chest.
Mae shrugged. “You’re cute when you’re in hysterics.”
Laura rolled her eyes all the way around the room though er smile stayed wide. She cupped Mae’s cheeks and brought their lips together. Just like all of their kisses, they were slow, and loving. She’s almost always like that with Laura; gentle. She loved it when she was gentle.
It was about to get interesting when the familiar Doctor Who theme song broke through the air.
“Seriously?” Mae groaned, pulling back. “Why is that still your ring tone? I thought you changed it.”
“It will always be in my heart.” Laura said. Mae rolled her eyes. “If you’re not going to unstraddle me can you at least hand me my phone?”
“Why? So you can ignore me some more?” Mae teased. Laura laughed and shoved her shoulder.
“Get me my damn phone before it’s too late.”
Mae snickered, and reached over. She checkled the caller ID. Mae’s always like this; control over everything, but Laura doesn’t complain. It’s what she needs to be; controlled.
“It’s Lafontaine.” Mae announced. “Great. Mind handing me my-“ “Hello?”
“Phone.” Laura sighed, and flopped back down onto the mattress. She clasped her hands on her abdomen.
“Who, Laura? She’s a little busy at the moment. She’s not here.”
“No- I’m here! Lafontaine!” Laura called out. Mae laughed and placed her hand over Laura’s mouth.
“What? No that wasn’t Laura… Nope I’m all alone.”
Laura laughed. She wrestled with Mae’s hand until she was able to snatch her phone away.
“Hey Laf.” Laura said, sticking her tongue out at Mae. She crawled off the bed before Mae could do anything else.
“Laura! Hey! How’s it going at the Hollis-Autenburg household?”
“Well…” Laura looked back to Mae over her shoulder. Mae lay on her side, elbow propped up with her head resting on her hand. She suggestively gestured to herself. Laura rolled her eyes. “It’s going. How bout you?”
“It’s great. Perfect, actually.”
Laura cocked an eyebrow. “Perfect?” She echoed. “Yep. I got some news if you’re interested.”
Laura wanted to question the sudden change in topic but she sighed; she knows trying to understand the way their brain works is pointless.
“I’m up for some news.” She replied. A piece of fabric hit the back of her head. “Good news or bad news?” Laura turned around to see Mae shirtless on her bed,
green eyes seductive and eyebrows raised. Laura bit her lip.
“Good news- definitely. Great news in fact.”
She really just wants to get back into bed. “Hit me.”
After a long pause Laura almost didn’t have the patience for, Lafontaine squealed; “Perry and I are engaged!”
Laura’s jaw unhinged, both from the news and the way Laura was slowly taking off her bra. “Oh my god! That’s great!” She turned around so she wouldn’t be distracted. “Who proposed?”
“Me.”
“Of course! Oh my god that’s awesome!” “I know!”
Mae hooked her fingers in the loops of Laura’s belt and yanked her back down on the bed, kissing along her neck from behind.
“I know you’ve been planning you’re wedding for like-“ She jumped back up “- Ever. Do you know when it is?”
“Glad you asked.” Lafontaine said. Mae slipped her hands under Laura’s shirt and ran them up her back, fingertips warm, pushing her shirt up with it. Laura repressed a squeal and jumped forward. “It’s going to be in a few months, but our engagement party is coming up first.”
Laura laughed. “Let me guess; Perry started planning as soon as the ring was on her finger?”
“You know it.” Laf replied. Warm hands slipped under her shirt again, only this time on her stomach, slowly sliding up. Mae pulled her down to sit on the bed, sitting between her legs with her back to Mae’s front. “Anyway, the engagement party is in a week or so; think you can make it?”
“Of course!” Laura replied, wriggling out of Mae’s grasp and jumping back to her feet.
“Awesome but, uh…” Their voice turned serious. “But uh, what?”
“Well… I don’t know for sure yet, I haven’t really called her. I haven’t- I don’t know well she’s been busy so I don’t even know if my call will go through and-“
“Get to the point.” Laura was already worried; Lafontaine only rambles when they’re talking about science, but it’s always enthusiastic. This was just worrying.
They took a deep breath. “Depending on circumstances, Carmilla might be there.”
Carmilla. Her blood turned to ice, color slowly draining from her face. She hasn’t seen her in 4 years. And last time she talked to her, when Carmilla overdosed… Laura shook her head. She can’t focus on that right now.
“It doesn’t matter.” It does. “Call me with whatever details you have about the engagement party.”
“Sure thing, L.”
Laura smiled as she felt Mae’s hands reach her hips. “Congratulations!” She exclaimed in the phone. Mae waisted no time in wrapping her arms around her and tackling her down to the bed. Laura squealed.
“Now,” Mae threw a leg over her hip and hovered above her, “where was I?”
Laura bit her lip around a smile. “I think something like this, maybe?” Laura cupped the back of her neck and brought their lips together, the other dragging Mae’s hand under and up her shirt.
Carmilla doesn’t matter now; she’s happy.
Perry
Perry brought the dirty dishes to the sink. Their sink. She smiled. They’ve only been living in the same apartment for two weeks and it already feels like heaven. Perry works as a wedding planner, and Lafontaine as a new bio teacher at a high school. Perry stared down to the ring on her finger.
4 years of being together, and they finally are engaged. Engaged. Marriage. She took a deep breath in hopes of calming the excitement bubbling in her stomach.
“So, I just called Laura.” Lafontaine said behind her.
She turned around. “Really?” They hummed in response. “What’d she say?”
“The regular. She’s happy for us, this is exciting…” “What’d she say, about…”
They sighed. “She said it doesn’t matter and she’ll go anyway.”
Perry nodded. “Carmilla said the same thing.” Perry sighed, dishes in the sink forgotten. “Do you really think it’s a good idea?” Lafontaine snatched an apple from the fruit bowl and tossed it into the air.
“I don’t see why not.” They replied casually. Perry started to fidget with her hands.
“Well, it’s just…” She sighed. “It’s been four years. Do you really think that they’re over it?” They tossed it up in the air again and caught it in one hand, continuing this in a cycle.
“Laura’s in a relationship, and Carmilla’s married to her job.” They shrugged. “Whether they’re over it or not," they started to juggle the apple in their hands, "they’re happy now. And they’re adults. I’m sure they can handle it. Besides, it’s not like they have to talk to each other.” Perry pursed her lips to the side.
“I’m still not so sure.” She said. “Maybe we should throw two. One where Laura goes and one where Carmilla goes. It’ll be easier, and I mean sure it’s a lot more planning and money and-“
“Perry.” Lafontaine said, apple held tightly now. “We’ve been doing that for four years. Lets just make this about us, okay? We’re getting engaged; not them. It’s just one engagement party. If they can’t handle it then that’s their choice, but can’t we just have this be about us?” They placed their free hand on her cheek, gently brushing their thumb over her cheek bone. She gave in, and smiled.
“Okay.” She nearly whispered.
They smiled, and kissed her forehead. “Good.” “But if a fight breaks out I’m blaming you.”
“I’ll take it.” They flash her a smile and took a large bite of their apple.
2 WEEKS LATER...
Carmilla
Austria. Carmilla hasn’t been here in a few months, and she forgot how much she missed this place until now. America was nice; it’s her original home, where her main office is. Where her life is. But Styria was always better. Carmilla sighed, taking in the smell of car pollution and cigarettes. Smells like my real home. She thought to herself.
She paid the taxi driver probably enough to pay off his college tuition and waved him a goodbye. She eyed the building up and down.So this is where Lafontaine and Perry live? She wondered to herself as she examined it.
It was on the corner of the street; light brown brick walls and large windows. It was more wide than tall, ranking up to about 10 or more stories. Sure, Carmilla had enough money to afford the nicest of hotels, but she figured if she stayed with them there’d be more time to catch up; and god they needed it.
Carmilla ran her hand through her hair, suitcase held tightly in her other hand. She straightened out her dress and sighed. It’s been a few months since she last saw the happy couple. With constant traveling for her job, it’s hard to make time for them. But in the end, she always does.
They’re her best friends after all.
Carmilla opened the door, her suitcase rolling behind her across the carpet. She moved past the lobby and to the elevators. Once inside, she checked her phone again. Apartment 412. She pressed the button to the fourth floor, locking eyes with a passing girl. Carmilla quickly stuck her foot in the door, re-opening the elevators.
“Hello.” She greeted in a seductive tone. The girl smiled, dark brown eyes and curly black hair. It’s not like Lafontaine and Perry were expecting her; she could pull off a quickie. “And where have you been all my life?” Carmilla said in german.
Yeah, she could pull off a quickie.
--
That was definitely worth it. Carmilla thought to herself. She used the lame excuse of “I’m too tired to give; call me again?” Of course, she gave her a rejection hot line. Carmilla didn’t have time to give; she just wanted to receive. She definitely tamed the sex hair, her make up was back to being perfect, and her dress was on regularly now. She smiled, and gave herself a quick nod in the mirror before continuing the journey to the couples’ apartment.
Sex came easy for Carmilla now. Receive and leave, basically. Sometimes she'd give, but it's not something she did often. People feel lucky to even be able to touch someone as gorgeous as her. She’s changed in these 4 years; body, mind, habits, looks. Not that she was an unattractive teen, but she hadn’t come into her full self yet. And now…
She walked out of the elevator and onto the floor. Now she’s gorgeous- ungodly so. Hips, hair, lips, eyes, hands- everything. Even Carmilla is jealous of herself. Carmilla works for her mother now; still under her hand but the job was so worth it to her. It’s not like she could ever escape her mother’s menacing ways anyhow.
412- here it is. Carmilla drew in a deep breath, and knocked 3 times. She’s gotten into that habit. At the main office where she works, her mother orders to only knock three times- slowly. It’s the only way she’ll answer. She works for her so much that she’s just gotten into the habit on knocking on any door in 3 consecutive knocks.
Carmilla heard a few mumbles behind the door before it swung open. It was Perry; but something was wrong. Her smile immediately dropped when her eyes landed on Carmilla. Carmilla cocked an eyebrow.
“What? No hug? No offering to bake me anything?” Carmilla teased. Perry chuckled- but it was clearly fake. It was forced, and unnatural. Her sharp blue eyes looked a bit panicked.
“Um, sure yeah. I will- sure. Um, but, why don’t we step out into the hall or-“
“Who’s that?” Carmilla heard Laf’s monotonous voice called. Carmilla smiled.
“Laf! Hey.” She said as she saw them walk into the living room. Carmilla moved past Perry, but her heart stopped along with her steps.
There sat Laura, on the couch, sunny brown eyes locked on her. Her lips were slightly parted, hair tied up in some form of a bun, a mug held between her hands. A red plaid shirt hung on her torso, black jeans hugging her legs.
Carmilla noticed next the blonde haired girl that set next to her, her arm around Laura’s shoulders. She had obnoxiously green eyes, creamy skin. She sported a loose, white top, black skinny jeans. A silver-colored necklace draped around her neck.
It was silent; dead silent. Her heart remained still and her breath was caught in her throat. She couldn’t take her eyes off of her. Laura.
She’s changed so much, her features matured, beauty more apparent, skin glowing, and better yet…
She has a girlfriend.
Laura
3, slow consecutive knocks sounded from the door.
"Ugh." Perry pushed herself off the couch. "Lafontaine- did you order anything?"
"No!" They called back.
Perry gave Laura and Mae a small smile. "Do you girls mind if I get it?"
Mae waved it off. "It's fine."
Laura nodded and held her mug tighter. "Yeah Perr; it's your apartment. No need to be polite."
She smiled fully now and gave another nod. She scurried to the door in the typical need-to-answer-right- now Perry fashion, and swung it open. Laura immediately sought out something was wrong from the way Perry went completely still.
“What? No hug? No offering to bake me anything?” A familiar raspy voice teased. It made Laura’s heart skip a beat in her chest and tighten. What? No- that…
“Um, sure sure.” Perry said. “But why don’t we step out into the hall or-“
“Who’s that?” Laf called, walking back from the hallway.
“Laf! Hey!” The figure walked in, and everything stopped when eyes as dark as the night lock with hers.
Her. Carmilla. She was here- standing there only yards away but she was too close at the same time. She’s different now- Laura can see that. Her features were more matured; everything more defined than 4 years ago. Hair slightly curly, any trace of her bangs gone. She was her body more so now; that much Laura could tell- especially from the tight black and red dress she was wearing, body like an hour glass, tights underneath, a suitcase beside her. Something bubbled inside Laura. She couldn’t decipher if it was anger or if it was surprise or relief.
It was like she was put together but falling apart all at once. She wanted to scream. She wanted to hug her.
She wanted to punch her in the face. Ask her why she's here and tell her to leave but never leave all at once.
“Who’s this?” Mae asked. Mae- she’s here. She’s right here and her arm is around her and everything is okay. Laura set her mug down on the coffee table. She choked on her name; she couldn’t get it out. She wanted to speak but her throat tightened. Her dark eyes took over every sense that she had.
“Carmilla.” Carmilla said, her eyes never falling off of Laura. Her voice has aged; it’s a bit deeper now, but not by much. Still raspy, and husky. Laura tried to swallow past the lump in her throat but to no avail. The air was tense. Anyone in a 5 mile radius could feel it.
“I didn’t expect you to be here so early.” Perry breathed, slowly closing the door. Carmilla shrugged.
“Well, you got me.” She muttered. Her eyes never left Laura’s and in a way, Laura felt like Carmilla was saying that to her. But that's preposterous. Why would she?
“I’m sorry, I’m confused. What’s going on here? Who's this?” Mae asked. Laura never told Mae about Carmilla. It was only ever too painful for her to talk about, but now she’s here, standing there, 4 years gone and she’s here. Her heart felt light and heavy all at once. She wasn’t sure what she felt; fury, dismay, joy, relief. It all compiled into four years of yearning and questioning but none of it left even as she stood.
“This is our good friend Carmilla.” Perry said, her smile clearly fake. She turned back to her. “Um, I thought you were coming in Thursday?”
“I decided to make a surprise visit.” Well you certainly surprised us. Lafontaine stepped in and placed a hand on Carmilla's back. Always there to defuse the situation.
“Hey, why don’t we set you up in the guest room, yeah?” Lafontaine said. Don't go. Screamed a voice in Laura's head. But as if to defy her needs Carmilla nodded. Even as she was escorted away their eyes never left each other, locked just until she disappeared into the guest room. As soon as she was gone Laura snapped out of her daze.
Laura gazed at the table, noticing then how harshly her heart pounded in her chest. Next came anger; a fever she couldn’t contain. She took a deep breath in but it didn’t help. She’s shoved it down for years; she can do it again.
“You okay babe?” Mae asked. Laura nodded.
“Yep, yep. I’m fine- just fine. But I think it’s time we go.”
“Time to go?” Mae echoed. Laura stood up and nodded.
“Yep, yeah. Time to go.” Laura exchanged a worried glance with Perry. Mae sighed.
“Alright then. I guess we’re going.”
Laura slung her purse over her shoulder and gave a quick nod to Perry.
“Thanks for the- that. I’ll, um, call you later?” She said. Perry nodded, understanding fully.
“Yeah. Of course.”
Laura grabbed Mae’s hand and started tugging her away.
“Bye Perry.” Mae called just before Laura shut the door behind them. She dragged her down the hall and to the elevators. She pressed the button, but it didn’t seem to work. She was being pulled apart again. She was losing herself.
“Babe, are you sure you’re-“
“We need to go.” Laura snapped. Finally, the elevator doors opened. Luckily, they were empty. She tugged Mae and herself in and immediately closed the doors. She pressed the lobby button.
“What’s wrong?” Mae asked. God she needed to shut up. Everything needed to stop. The memories- her.
Carmilla. She needs to get out of her mind. Get out of my mind! Laura screamed in her head. “Babe what’s-“ Laura grabbed two fists of Mae’s shirt and brought their lips together because she just needed to stop talking. Her lips aren't the same. It’s not the same; it’s never the same. Mae. Mae is here. Mae is better than Carmilla- way better. Mae won’t leave; she’ll never leave.
As soon as the elevator doors opened Laura grabbed Mae’s hand and started to drag her away, out the lobby and onto the streets.
“What’s going on with you?” Mae asked. “You’re acting insane.” Laura didn’t answer; she couldn’t answer. Too many things were rushing through her mind that her voice was merely a muffled sound through a wall. Laura found her car and pressed the buttons on her keys. It sounded, and Laura followed it like a beacon.
“Seriously, Laura. What’s going on?” She ignored her again. She had to ignore her again; she was too in her own head. Too much pain, too many memories. Too much Carmilla.
Laura swung open the back car door and shoved Mae in. She quickly stumbled backwards as Laura hopped in next, slamming the door shut behind her. She straddled her lap and cupped her cheeks, bringing their lips together.
“Whoa- Laura.” Mae said. It did nothing to snap her out of this frenzy.
“You won’t leave me, right?” Laura plead. Mae grabbed Laura’s hips.
“Of course.” Mae replied.
“Say it.” Laura said, pulling back. Her hands landed next to Mae’s head, her green eyes wide.
“I won’t leave you. And you won’t leave me.” Mae said. Everything started to come together again, slowly, painfully. Piece by piece and as much as it hurt she needed to be put together again. She spent 4 years putting herself together and in a moments notice she was pulled apart. Laura took a few deep breaths. Her brain couldn’t comprehend everything that was happening. Everything and nothing was happening all at once. Too much and too little.
“Hey hey.” Mae said, slowly sitting up. She cupped Laura’s cheek as Laura leaned back on her heels. “I know your mother abandoned you, but I won’t.” That’s the bullshit excuse Laura gave her for her abandonment issues. There were so many lies, so many things she was pretending to be and it all collapsed as soon as her eyes locked with her. Those stupid dark eyes. Laura lurched forward and clasped her arms around Mae’s neck.
“You’re not going to leave?” Laura muttered. Mae wrapped her arms around Laura’s waist and hugged her closer.
“I’m not going to leave.” Mae replied. Laura closed her eyes, calming from her embrace. Laura breathed in her scent. Vanilla; she always smelt like vanilla. Vanilla mixed with something resembling flowers or roses.
Laura took a deep breath, and placed a soft kiss to Mae’s neck.
“I’m sorry.” She muttered.
“It’s okay. I know you are.” Mae replied. She’s her anchor now; she’s here. Laura doesn’t have to think about her when she has Mae. “Now, I would love to continue this but the lock is kinda digging into my back.” Laura pulled back.
“Oh, right.” Laura replied. Mae smiled softly, and kissed her.
“It’s going to be okay, alright? I’m not gonna leave you. You're not leaving me, and you're with me; it's gonna be okay as long as we're together.”
Laura nodded, and kissed her nose.
She can handle this. With Mae, she can handle anything.
Carmilla
Carmilla sat dazed on the guest room bed, elbows on her knees and hands clasped. Laura; she saw her. She was there- right there. The world stopped when they locked eyes; that’s the bit that hadn’t changed. Everything else, however…
“Carmilla!” Perry said harshly. “Why didn’t you give us a call? A warning? Something!”
“You know I don’t do that.” Carmilla muttered. She’d normally be snapping back but it was like all energy was drained from her; she was enlivened but dead all the same.
“Now she just-“ Perry placed her hands on her hips, “Now she just ran off. Fantastic.”
“Sorry. I didn’t think…” Her tongue betrayed her as she tried to say her name. “She’d be here.” Carmilla paused for a moment. “And how come you didn’t tell me she had a girlfriend?”
“You decided she wasn’t your business the moment you left her without saying goodbye.” Perry snapped back. Carmilla cringed, but she knew Perry was right. Perry sighed.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I just… I wanted to surprise you.”
“Well you did a good fucking job.” Lafontaine said as they entered the room. Carmilla flopped back onto the bed.
“Well, besides that shit show it’s great to see you guys again.” Carmilla could practically hear the eye rolls.
“I’ll make you some tea.” “Oh you don’t have to-“ “Too bad.”
Carmilla smiled. She’s here for her friends; she can get through this. Carmilla played with the hem of her dress.
If only her heart would stop beating so hard.
Perry and Lafontaine
It was late in the night when Perry and Lafontaine decided to quietly discuss what the hell happened, long after Carmilla had fallen asleep in the guest room. They sat on their living room couch, teas in hand, cross- legged and facing each other.
“That was not good.” Perry whispered.
“Ya think?” They sighed, and took a long sip of their tea. Perry always makes it perfectly, like- they shook their head. No no. Now’s not the time to get all gushy.
After the events of the day, Perry was just completely unsure if the engagement party is even a good idea, and that maybe they should throw two just to keep them separately. The panic in Laura's eyes, the way Carmilla was so out of it after that...
“Do you still think it’s a good idea to have them both at the engagement party after that?” Perry asked. They shrugged.
“Well, at least the first time is over.” They whispered back. “Besides, this was accidental- and it was in this crowded space. They don’t have to talk to each other at the party; they don’t even have to see each other. And if they both dart off in different directions like that when they do see each other then it’ll be fine.” They took another sip of their tea. “I would rather they run then fight.” They added past the mug.
“I mean you’re right, but…” Perry sighed. “I haven’t seen Laura freak out like that since those first months that Carmilla left.” Something sympathetic sparked in their eyes.
“I know, Perr. I was with her too in the beginning.” They stared blankly down at their tea, remembering how she dropped to her knees, how she couldn’t breathe. “I was the one that delivered the news.”
Lafontaine
“What… What do you mean she’s…” It was like the words tied Laura’s tongue. They could see the panic set in her eyes, the disbelief. They didn’t want to tell her.
They didn't have to tell her; this shouldn't have been their job, but seeing as Carmilla didn't, and her plea on the phone...
“She moved. By now she’s on a flight to Austria.” Lafontaine said. She started blankly at them. It was clear she still didn’t understand. They swallowed. “Carmilla… Her mother told her that she’s moving, and she was supposed to tell you but I guess she didn’t.
She's moving to Austria, Laura. By now she's leaving."
Laura shook her head. “No. No. No Carmilla wouldn’t do that. She wouldn’t leave me.” There was a toxic mix of panic and chaos burning behind her eyes so much so to a point that it actually scared Lafontaine. Nothing scares Lafontaine. There was desperation and exhaust, and they weren't sure what to do with her. They decided to shove their own emotions aside.
"She's gone." They said.
Mistake- Laura dropped to her knees, hands landing on the floor. Her body swayed as if she was going to pass out.
"She... She woulnd't go." Laura said breathlessly. oh crap- they need to do something.
"La-"
"She... She wouldn't leave me." Her body started trembling. "She said she wouldn't leave! She said she wouldn't fucking leave!"
"Laura-"
"SHE SAID SHE WOULDN'T LEAVE ME!" Suddenly, she was banging her fist on the ground, screaming profanities and sobbing Carmilla's name as her body shook. Lafontaine discarded the pack of soda and cookies to the swing. Forget a feel-sorry-for-yourself party; this girl might need a fucking ambulance. They thought.
They called Perry and she rushed over, hours of screaming and crying, screaming more and crying more. Both of them didn't know what to do. As she thrashed mad, breaking everything and anything in sight as she screamed or wept.
She went like this for days, until eventually there was nothing left to come out of her and she would just sit there in her room, on her bed, brain dead and unmoving.
“She’s not gonna get like that again, Lafontaine.” Perry said. She could tell they still needed more convincing of that. Sure she's scared of what they'll do, but she knows it won't be like that. She placed her hand on their knee. “She’s stronger now. And she has Mae.”
“But Mae doesn’t know about Carmilla.” Lafontaine muttered.
“Well, that’s Laura’s choice.”
Lafontaine leaned back against the arm rest. “She told Mae that her mother abandoned her, and that’s why she has abandonment issues.” They said. “Don’t you think that’s a little fucked up?”
“Again, it’s her choice.” Perry replied. “It’s not their relationship I’m worried about. It’s how Carmilla and Laura will act at the engagement party.” Perry said.
“I’m sure they’ll be fine, Perry.” They said, taking the initiative to comfort her. They’ve always loved this.
Whenever they discussed things, it would always be taking turns of comforting the other. It’s always at times like this that they’re reminded at how beautifully simple it can be with Perry.
“I'm worried for how they'll end up, but... They’ll behave themselves for our engagement party. You gotta know that.” They insisted. She sighed, and took a sip of her tea.
She doesn’t know about that.
Perry
“Carmilla! Please answer! Don’t you fucking ignore me!” Laura cried on the phone. Her voice was cracking and dry, weak from the days she spent screaming and crying. Carmilla picked up but she wasn’t talking. Perry wondered why Carmilla kept answering if she wasn't going to talk, and why Laura keeps calling if she knows Carmilla isn't going to talk. Laura’s face contorted into something painful and it only made Perry sick with worry. She knows Lafontaine is there with Carmilla, up in Austria. She wondered if they’re going to make her talk.
Lafontaine
Carmilla sits, brain dead. The phone wasn’t even on speaker but Lafontaine could hear Laura’s cries of agony. They wondered why Carmilla answered if she wasn’t going to talk; she has barely spoken but a word in weeks. Suddenly she held out her phone.
"Tell her I'm sorry." Carmilla doesn't look them in the eye as she says it. They nod, and pick up the phone, holding it a few inches away from their ear as their heart contorted at her pleas.
“Laura- Laura! It’s Laf.” Her screams stop. “Where’s Carmilla?”
They look at her, and she tells them that she's not there. They can't tell her that. "She can't talk right now." They mutter.
“Put her on the line! I know she’s there! Let me talk to her!” She starts screaming into the phone again, but Carmilla shakes her head. As much as they wanted to cave in, they knew that it would just lead to more bad than good.
“She says she’s sorry.”
"Sorry isn't good enough! Apparently I'm not either!" The line goes dead, and for the first time in a long time, Carmilla doesn't cry at the sound of Laura's voice.
“Look, it was four years ago, Perr.”
“But it took Laura over a year to recover.” She said. “And the only way she could do it was with Mae.”
“One, it took Carmilla just as long to recover. Two, Mae’s not the solution here.”
“But I’m sure she’s the only one keeping Laura sane.” Perry retorted. “As long as Mae’s there, I’m sure it’ll run smoothly.”
Lafontaine pursed their lips to the side. "Do you really think?"
"She's been there through everything, Laf."
They sighed. "Well, Laura will stick by Mae’s side. She's always glued to her, and if they're together then Carmilla will stay away.”
Perry tapped her fingers against her mug. "Do you really think it'll run that smoothly?"
They shrugged and brought their mug to their lips. "It seems likely."
“And if it doesn’t go smoothly?” Perry asked. They take a sip.
“Then, we tell them to grow up and just be there.” She nodded. “Good plan.”
They sighed. “Perry?” She hummed in response. They sucked in their lips for a moment. “You weren’t there to see how Carmilla was dealing with it.” They reminded her. She nodded again.
“I know.” She murmured. They stared at each other a moment longer. Perry knows it must have been hell with Carmilla; she doesn't know it all, but the soft look in Lafontaine's eyes speaks the hell they've seen. She brings her mug to her lips.
They drank their tea in silence.
ENGAGEMENT PARTY
Laura
A sigh blows past her lips as she applies her lipstick. That subtle shade of red- Mae’s favorite. She told her to wear it for her. Laura fluffs her hair, eyeing herself up and down in the mirror. She looks good- she’ll say that much. Laura knows Mae will love this.
She wore a black dress, hair up in some form of a fancy bun. The dress was simple; a u-shaped cut, two straps, a zipper down the back. It fit her well; hugging her in the right places.
“Your yoga classes really paid off after all.” Mae mutters in her ear as she wraps her arms around her waist. Laura smiles.
“Told you my studio wasn’t a waste of time.” Laura retorts. Some time a little while ago, Laura went into this “fitness” phase. Or at least, she and Mae both thought it was a phase. 1 year later and she bikes every where, is a vegetarian, and teaches yoga classes at their local gym. Who would’ve thunk? Of course, she still loves the occasional cookie and hot cocoa, but it’s not nearly as bad as it used to be.
She takes a deep breath and remembers that freedom she had a year ago. It wasn't the peak of her freedom but it was more than it is now. How she could go anywhere, do anything, how she was allowed to be that flexible. But... Things are different now. She knows that.
Mae hums in response and rests her chin on her shoulder.
“You going to be okay tonight?” Mae asks. “Yeah, I think so. Why?”
She shrugs. “I know you don’t always do the best in crowds.”
Laura sighs. “Well, tonight isn’t about me. It’s about Perry and Lafontaine.”
“Well, yeah. Obviously, but,” Laura turns around in her arms, eyeing her up and down. Black button up shirt with the sleeves rolled up, a red tie and black jeans?
God she’s gorgeous, “if you’re not going to be okay-“
“I’ll be okay with you looking like this.” Laura says with a grin.
Mae rolls her eyes. “Whatever you say.” Laura cups her cheeks and brought their lips together.
Doesn’t matter if Carmilla’s there; Mae’s there and she’ll be okay. Laf and Perry will be there.
She’ll be okay; she just knows it.
Carmilla
Carmilla arrives at the bar, thanking the taxi before she walked in. She's immediately hit with the rotten smell of alcohol. The scene is filled with a lot of people she didn’t know. Is everyone here for the engagement party? Did they rent out this place? Carmilla really should have asked about the circumstances of this event.
She arrived 20 minutes after Laf and Perry. After seeing Laura at their apartment, Carmilla decided to stay at a hotel instead. She figured she’s going to be seeing her friends anyway; better just stay at a hotel.
She weaves her way through the crowd and spots the happy couple, sitting at a table. Carmilla smiles, and walks up to them.
“Hey guys.” She greets. “Oh hey!” Perry says.
“Hey Carmilla.” Laf greets casually with a nod. “You’re a bit late.” They tease. She laughs and rolls her eyes.
“You know I’m always late.”
They shake their head with a smile. “Yeah yeah.” Carmilla smiles, and looks around the crowded bar. Jesus there's a lot of people here.
“So, do you know everyone here?”
They nod. “Just about.” Laf replies. “We invited a bunch of people. Didn’t want to make the whole party centered around us, and what better place than a bar?” Carmilla laughs and nods.
“Good point.” She looks around again, spotting the bar. “I’m actually gonna get a drink if you don’t mind.”
“Not at all.” Perry says. “Again, we didn’t want all the attention to be on us so you do you.” Carmilla smiles, and nods again.
Carmilla walks up to the bar and hops on the bar stool, waiting impatiently for the bar tender to ask what she wanted. She eventually ordered a Jameson on the rocks, thankfully. Carmilla sighs, and looks around the bar. It may be their engagement party, but that doesn’t mean she can’t hook up with someone.
She scans around the bar. Awkward conversations, light chatter, fake laughter, flirty touches, drinks- what you’d usually expect. What she didn’t expect; Laura and this girlfriend. Her heart squeezes suddenly.
Hands on her hips, lips whispering something in her ear that made Laura giggle. Carmilla hadn’t even realized that the bartender had already handed her her drink until she tapped her arm. She quickly snaps out of it and thanks her.
Carmilla took a sip of her drink and shakes her head.
You decided she wasn't your buisness the moment you left without saying goodbye.
The words chime in her head. Carmilla bites her lip and gazes down to her drink, the ice floating aimlessly and tapping the glass. Perry’s right; she’s none of my business. Carmilla thinks to herself.
Still, Carmilla finds her eyes wandering back to them.
Her hands are on Laura’s hips, Laura’s arms clasped around this girl’s neck like she used to do Carmilla. The girl says something, and Laura tips her chin back and laughs. Carmilla used to make her laugh like that. If she focuses hard enough she hopes that she could hear the chime.
Carmilla’s downing her second drink before she knows it, realizing she’s spent the last few minutes watching her. Her smile, her eyes, the way her hair sways in that stupid bun. Carmilla thinks about how it would feel to just rip out it's restraints and let the curls bounce on Laura's shoulders. She watches the way Laura pecks this girl’s check, or when the girl makes Laura laugh so hard buries her face into her neck.
The girl says something, and Laura nods. That’s when Carmilla realizes they’re heading over to the bar.
Carmilla quickly looks away and props herself on her elbow, placing her hand on her forehead to block her face.
Her heart starts beating when she knows she’s next to her; right there, inches apart. Laura’s too invested in this girl to even notice she’s sitting next to Carmilla, so she allows herself to peak at her.
Thighs, hair, lips. Those are the first three things she notices before Laura turns and faces this girl. Carmilla takes a sip of her drink, still stealthily watching. She can hear Laura’s laugh now, and it makes her heart swell in her chest. She’s light but heavy at the same time.
The blonde's hand is on her thigh, leaning close and nibbling on her ear. Laura giggles and presses her hand against her shoulder.
“Mae-“ Mae; what a stupid name. “- stop.” Laura giggles. “There are people around.”
“I can’t help it. You’re so cute.”
Carmilla nearly gags. Gross. Her hand slowly starts sneaking up Laura’s thigh but Laura whacks it away. Carmilla wonders why she feels relieved at that.
“Mae.” She says with a giggle. “People are watching us.” Mae leans forward and kisses her anyway. I think I’m gonna throw up. Carmilla thinks to herself. She should just look away; she would be better off. But she can’t. She hasn’t seen Laura for so long, and now she’s here, sitting next to her. A girl’s hands are all over her but she’s here. Right there. Inches apart but miles away all at the same time.
“No ones watching us.” Mae replies, her hand sneaking up her thigh again.
“Mae stop.” Laura giggles. Carmilla’s grip on her glass tightens as Mae doesn’t stop. What the- she just said stop. She’s giggling but she said stop.
“I can’t help myself.” Mae says.
“But you should.” Laura says light heartedly. She said stop. Carmilla thinks to herself. No- no this isn’t any of Carmilla’s business. This is about Perry and Lafontaine. Listen to what Perry said, Carmilla. She tells herself.
Carmilla fixates her gaze on the drink in her hand. “Mae.” She says.
“Laura.” Mae teases. She kisses her again; Carmilla can tell. Her eyes wander back.
“Mae- keep your hands to yourself." She wags her finger. "The golden rule.” Laura says innocently, but giggles again as Mae kisses her.
“Screw the rules.” She breathes. Her hand slides higher up her thigh.
“Mae.” Laura says.
“You can’t stop me.” She says in a sing-song voice.
She’s close- too close. She’s kissing her and her hands are too close. Carmilla can’t help herself now.
“She said stop.” Carmilla blurted out. Mae’s attention snaps to Carmilla as Laura slowly turns around. Then, she’s there.
Laura’s right there. Her sunny brown eyes so close Carmilla swears she can name every single color in them. She saw her in the apartment but here she’s inches away. Right there. Next to her. So close she can almost feel the heat radiating off of her body. She can see her lipstick; smeared a bit from kissing this girl.
She can see her skin glowing from the dingy light in the bar. She can see the way Laura's shoulders rise in a sharp breath. All traces of Laura's smile dissipated in a matter of moments.
She wanted to hug her, for reasons unknown. Or kiss her. She just wanted to do something- anything.
Scream, cry... But all she could do was sit there with her jaw clamped and her heart pounding and her hand tightly clasped around her drink like it was her anchor.
God, how the years have really changed her. Carmilla thinks to herself. Everything was more pronounced; not as rounded or flat as her features used to be. It hits Carmilla for a moment. So much time has passed by and she didn’t get to see it. She shoves it away, instead basking in her sight, taking in how close she is now.
“Mae. Would you give us a moment?” She says without even looking at her.
“Are you going to be long?” Mae replies, slowly sliding off of her bar stool.
Laura shakes her head. “No. I just need a word.”
“Call me when it’s over. Don't be too long.” Mae pecks her cheek.
“Of course.” Laura replies, though her eyes never leave Carmilla.
Carmilla glares at Mae as she takes off somewhere, eventually disappearing in the crowd. Laura and Carmilla’s eyes lock again. Something- she needs to do something. Carmilla takes a sip of her drink. It’s bitter, but not as bitter as the look Laura was giving her.
“Carmilla.” She spat out, as though the words were fire on her tongue.
“Laura.” Carmilla replies curtly. It’s easier this time, the alcohol coursing through her system, making her bolder and her mind looser. But there’s something there; that spark. It still remains after all these years. It's resting under the seems.
“Do we need to take this somewhere?” Carmilla asks.
“Bathroom.” She says it like it's business. Laura hops off the barstool and walks off, her movements stiff.
Carmilla gulps down a sip of her drink, heart pounding and mind racing. Carmilla wipes her mouth with the back of her hand, and has the right mind to pay her tab before following the swaying hips. They lead her into the bathroom.
Carmilla walks in and closes the door to the one-stall. Laura’s back is to her, arms crossed, breathing heavily.
“Lock the door.” Carmilla hears her say. Like she couldn’t help it, she twists the lock, terrified of what’s to come. It’s silent apart from the muffled chatter outside seeping through the door. It’s a small bathroom; a toilet, a sink, a mirror, gray-tiled flooring. A florescent ceiling light hangs above but it’s weak; dingy.
“It’s been a while.” Laura says sharply, still facing away from Carmilla. There’s a warm feeling resonating inside her stomach. Her voice; how she missed it.
“It has been.” Carmilla replies. She can hear Laura drumming her fingers against her folded arms. It’s intimidating, like she could snap at any moment and is feigning this patience.
Laura finally turns around. Carmilla’s breath catches in her throat. They both eye each other up and down, taking in the other’s appearance.
She’s stunning to the absolute extent. The years have done her well; she’s aged well. There’s a look in her eyes that Carmilla can’t quite place but she knows something was going to happen. There’s going to be a death; whether a little death or her actual death she doesn’t know. Carmilla’s heart starts pounding, echoing in her ears like a drum fill.
“So what have you-“ Carmilla can’t even finish the words are Laura lurches forward and presses her hands on the door, both landing on either side of Carmilla’s head. She’s scared now; terrified as there’s a look of absolute murder in her eye. Carmilla gulps.
Never has she felt so small, so utterly powerless. Carmilla licks her lips, feeling dry, and notices that
Laura watches her movements. She does it again, slower this time, finishing it off with a bite. Laura's eyes are trained on her lips, and it sends an array of nerves to set off inside of her. The spark comes back; flickering once.
She’s trapped; both by her body and gaze. Laura's hands blocking her off on either side of her head wasn't much help either. She’s staring at her; dominantly so and it makes her feel powerless. Carmilla's completely under whatever control Laura wants.
“You’re staring.” Carmilla mutters. Her heart starts getting louder, the spark flicking again.
“You’re staring too.” Laura replies. It’s rising at a crescendo, a feeling building with it.
“Are you gonna let me go?” There’s a pause.
“No.”
“Then what are you gonna do?” She thinks if it gets any louder she’ll go deaf. Laura’s silent, eyes glaring, lips parted. It’s there, and if stays any longer it's going to erupt. The spark- she just has to ignite it.
Slowly, Carmilla leans forward, inches keeping them apart. There’s a voice screaming in the back of her head to stop but she doesn’t. She tucks it away.
Carmilla tilts her head, waiting for any signal to not go forward. She hears Laura’s breath hitch, watches as she squeezes her eyes shut. Carmilla’s hands land on her hips, the way they used to all those years ago.
“Do you want me to?” Carmilla whispers, Laura's lips so close they almost brush together as she speaks. Her heart is beating out of her chest, the air so tight she could barely breathe. Laura doesn’t answer.
Experimentally, Carmilla kisses her. Softly. There’s barely any pressure applied, but she feels it. The same supernovas she felt all those years ago as a teen, when they were together, when she's with Laura. She can’t help herself now as she’s drowning in the feeling. She wants to let herself go but she doesn't want to ruin anything.
Carmilla pulls away after a moment. She tilts her head to the other side and kisses her softly again. When their lips meet again their meeting in sync, Laura joining her now. It’s drawled out, soft, testing. Again they dance, in a slow succession, one after the other in a continuous string.
Suddenly Laura snatches her wrists and pins them against the doorway.
“Don’t kiss me.” She growls. Carmilla stares in fear. That’s definitely murder in her eyes. But her words contradict her, as she leans forward and kisses Carmilla again. She wants to just let it continue but why say that then kiss her?
“What are you doing then?” Carmilla asks breathlessly.
“Shut the fuck up.” Laura grabs the straps of Carmilla’s dress and tugs her forward, smashing their lips together. They kiss hungrily now in messy, desperate kisses. She’s angry, she’s turned on, she’s distressed.
But with everything, all she wants is Laura.
It explodes; erupts into a full flame now and god she missed it. She missed her- everything. She needs her. All of her.
“Where are you staying?” Laura asks, barely able to speak between the desperation. Carmilla's hand tangles in her hair.
“On the outskirts of town.” Carmilla gasps. “Too far. I need you now.”
I need you now.
That’s all she had to say and Carmilla was hers. She whips out her phone from a pocket of her dress and pushes the door open. Carmilla snatches Laura’s wrist and drags her out of the club, looking for the nearest hotel on her phone.
Her steps are hurried; frantic, as she shoves through the crowd. Her brain is so clouded. She can barely stand her thoughts as the one echoed in her mind;
I need you now.
Laura
They quickly make it to the nearest hotel, Carmilla smashing down whatever amount of money and taking whatever floor. 3rd floor- that’s so far away but she can’t dwell on it as Carmilla is dragging her down the hall and into an elevator.
As soon as the elevator doors close their hands are all over each other, lips smashing together in desperation as if they were trying to wipe away these past few years of separation. The ding of the elevator would have gone unnoticed if an unlucky resident weren’t trying to get in. He clears his throat uncomfortably and they break away.
Mission oriented, Carmilla grabs her wrist again and pulls her away, finally reaching the hotel room. They don’t turn the lights on. She’s not even sure if they closed the door all the way or where Carmilla put the key but she’s pinned against the wall and Carmilla’s kissing her.
“Get rid of this stupid fucking bun.” Carmilla says. She yanks Laura’s tie out, the pain quickly spiking to pleasure. Her hair falls down on her shoulders. "God I've wanted to do that all night. Do you know how gorgeous you look?" Laura wants to accept it as a compliment- she did. A part of her did and she hated herself for that, but it isn't. It can't be. After all this time and she says that?
“Fuck you.” Laura growls, this feverous anger still burning inside.
“Isn’t that what you’re doing?” Carmilla snarls back. Laura pushes her away, panting, chests heaving and eyes wild. She could stop now. She could go back. She could leave and make up some shitty excuse as to why she was gone for so long. She could stop this now and go back and then at least she wouldn’t have done something she wasn’t going to regret.
But she’s here.
After years she’s finally here, standing before her, eyes darkened with lust as her chest heaves. No. She’s not going back; she needs her now. Even if it's just for this night and even if there's consequences, her mind is too clouded to care.
Laura lurches after her and tackles her onto the bed.
It doesn’t take long for their clothes to be discarded; left and abandoned just how Carmilla left and abandoned her. The thought pisses her off.
It’s not soft and passionate like it used to be.
It’s resentful, desperate; intense moments after the other of raw emotion and physicality that no one could ever name. She tastes whatever alcohol she had in that stupid bar on her tongue.
Hands, hair, lips. It’s all a blur in that night. It was just them; just them and these stupid sparks that they’ve reignited. She felt it from the moment they locked eyes;
Now it’s ignited in a full wildfire and there’s no way to extinguish it.
It’s rough; it’s angry. It’s years of agony and despair poured into this single night that others would say passionate, but in the end it’s true desperation. There’s marks all over her. Nail welts, scratches, bite marks, hickeys, and she’s sure there are bruises.
Laura knows she left marks on Carmilla too; much worse than the ones Carmilla left on her. Even during this rough sex, Carmilla still somehow manages to be gentle. A part of Laura finds it sweet but then she thinks of how Carmilla left her and it's gone.
They’re biting each others lips, tugging each others hair, exploring each other’s bodies again in the familiar terrain. Build ups and climaxes tear through the air, moon light seeping through the curtains and glistening off their skin as it lights up the bed. There’s a punch from Laura somewhere in the midst of it; Laura knows it lands on Carmilla’s lip but she makes up for it by kissing her softly.
That’s the only time she’s ever soft that night.
It’s strenuous, they’re enraged, but they’re desperate for each other. She misses her; she misses her even when she’s here. It’s not nearly enough to make up for 4 years of absence so she expresses everything by the marks on her body like Carmilla's the canvas and Laura's the artist.
It’ll be in moments, where she’s so lost in Carmilla and the way she misses her that it begins to get soft. But then she thinks of how she left her, how she abandoned her, how she tortured her in ways that she’ll never understand and it turns angry again. Random bites, hardened grips, scratches and punishments that are made up for in pleasures and rough kisses. It continues in cycles.
Carmilla collapses on top of her, marking the end of this. She’s panting in her ear, chests heaving against each other.
The moans still echo in the room; playing in her head and bouncing through the walls. Laura finds her arms snaking their way around her neck, holding her there like she’ll lose her again. She doesn’t want to lose her again. She wants to get lost in her; not lose her.
“I’m not going anywhere.” Carmilla whispers, as though she’s read Laura’s thoughts. Laura closes her eyes. She can feel her heart beat against hers as she wraps her arms around Laura. The pain barely registers now. Carmilla presses her lips to her shoulder, but not in a kiss. It was an “I’m sorry”. It was an “I miss you.” It was all the words they didn’t have the chance to say in one small gesture.
A delicate kiss on the body she ruined; how fucked up it was.
Sleep came easy finally having her back in her arms, but as she starts to pass out she knows it’s only the beginning to a storm.
Carmilla
Carmilla wakes up, and it’s the first time in a long time where she has wakened up feeling refreshed. She hears her tiny breaths; her gentle puffs of hair as she’s sleeping in her arms. It’s the most peace she’s felt in years.
Specifically, four.
As she moves she winces. That wasn’t gentle; not in the slightest. She's sore all over and she's sure her lip is busted. As she pulls away further she can see the marks she left on Laura too. The hickeys on her neck, the bruises on her thigh, the scratch marks on her stomach, the bite on her hip- wait. Carmilla blinks a few times. Where’d her scar go? Carmilla stares blankly, the phantom of her scar no longer there.
It was there, right? Was it there last night? She had one; she definitely had one and Carmilla remembers now exactly what it looked like. She places her hand on her hip and rubs her thumb over it, instead of feeling a scar she feels the bite mark she left, teeth imprinted on her skin.
Laura’s eyes blink open, and she realizes then how much she missed seeing that. How badly she missed her. Laura’s eyes suddenly go wide.
“Oh shit.” She says. And Carmilla wonders why, until she remembers- “Mae.” She’s not hers anymore.
Carmilla immediately snaps back and Laura scurries away from underneath her.
“Fuck!” She exclaims, scurrying off the bed. Carmilla watches as Laura jolts off the bed. She’s still naked, and god she’s beautiful. She can see clearly now, all the marks she left on her. A part of her feels bad, like she’s a monster. Until she looks down at herself and sees the marks Laura left and they are much, much worse. Her hand- how’d she manage to bruise her hand? Her thighs, her stomach, even her arms; covered in hickeys and bruises and bites. She can feel the burning sensation of nail tracks down her back, and many more pains that she knows were all caused by her.
“It’s gone.” Carmilla found herself muttering. “What’s gone?” Laura snaps back. They lock eyes again. Hers are angry; a fire that can’t be extinguished.
But there’s something dreading in them too, and soft. Carmilla gulps.
“Your scar. It’s gone.”
“Yeah, it’s gone.” She says harshly. “Why?”
“It’s none of your fucking business.” Laura’s hands flail in the air. “Fuck!” She finds her underwear and slips it on, then starts searching for her bra. “This is bad- this is so bad. Oh my god this is so fucking bad!” She slips on her bra- black.
“That’s not-“
“My bra. I can tell that now.” She tosses it Carmilla’s way and eventually finds hers. That dark shade of blue. Laura looks down at her arms after sliding on her bra.
“Fuck! What the hell did you do to me! How the hell am I gonna cover this up!”
“Did to you?” Carmilla retorts in disbelief. “Look at what you did to me!” She feels her own anger arise as she lifts from the bed. Hurts- everything hurts. She winces, and for a moment, she can see sympathy flash behind Laura’s eyes. But it’s gone as quick as it came.
“Fuck off, Carmilla.” Laura snarls. She finds her dress and clumsily slides it on. Carmilla slides on her own bra and quickly finds her panties.
“You were the one that told me you needed me.” Carmilla says, finding her dress and struggling to fit it on.
“You were the one that kissed me!” “You kissed me back!”
“God you’re unbelievable!” Next thing she knows she’s thrown on the bed again, dress slipped over only one arm and it’s still unzipped. Laura’s hair is messy as she towers over Carmilla, straddling her hips. She can still feel the pain from last night, and she’s sure Laura feels it too.
“Don’t you dare say a word about this to anyone.” Laura threatens. “I can’t risk it; I love Mae. You’re not worth it over her.” Carmilla cringes at the harsh words. She goes to bite her lip but winces. Laura did throw a punch to her face last night; must’ve busted her lip. It was somewhere between her first and second orgasm, she thinks. Or second and third. Third and fourth?
There were so many that they all blended into one blur.
“What’s the story then, creampuff?” She snarls, hiding the pain she felt on the inside and out. Laura sits back on her heels, brows knit in determination.
“We went out to talk and some guy tried to kidnap us.” “Really think they’ll believe that?”
“Fuck!” Laura jumps off of her and moves a part of the room, picking up her phone. “She called me. She called me 10 times. How the hell do I explain myself!” She throws her phone against the wall and it's a miracle it doesn’t shatter. Carmilla feels her blood turn to ice as Laura’s gaze snaps to her.
“This is your fault.” She says coldly.
“My fault? My fault! You can’t blame everything on me!” Carmilla says, shooting out of the bed. “Look- I’ll, I'll think of something. Just, um…” Carmilla runs her hand through her hair.
“Your strap- it. Fuck, here.” Carmilla’s taken by surprise when Laura fixes the strap undone on her shoulder, sliding it through her arm and putting it on right. It's weird, because that act was so caring and the exact opposite of how Laura was acting. Carmilla shakes it off and goes back to thinking.
“I’m a successful business woman. There would be a lot of people who would kill for my money.”
“Good for fuckin’ you.”
“I’m not bragging!” Carmilla shoots back. God, Laura’s hair is a mess. “Hold on- your hair.” Carmilla tries to fix it but Laura slaps her hand away.
“I’ll do it. Continue.” Laura starts running her fingers through her hair. It hurts briefly, but Carmilla has the decency to ignore it.
“Some guy said that there was a kidnapping down the street. When we followed him he tried to take us, but we fought, but there were two more guys and we were jumped.”
“Okay. Okay good- I like that. How did we get away?” She asked, sliding on her shoes.
“We didn’t; we were knocked unconscious- or something.” Carmilla shakes her head. That’s too unbelievable. “No, no. No we got away by a bribe. That would explain the money I spent at the hotel. I bribed them with money.”
Laura nodded. “That’s the story?”
Carmilla nods. “That’s the story.” Carmilla takes her appearance in for a moment. “Unless, your girlfriend saw me drag you out of there.”
“Oh fuck!” Laura exclaims, cupping her mouth. “Fuck fuck fuck! Why’d you have to drag me?”
“You could’ve told me to let go or run away! This isn’t all my fault.” Carmilla bit back.
“Yes it is! You grabbed my wrist and pulled me out of there!”
“Because you told me to!”
“I didn’t tell you to grab my wrist and yank me away!”
“If you told me to stop I would have.” Carmilla snaps. “You know I would have stopped if you gave the slightest indication you didn’t want this.” Carmilla crosses her arms. “Unlike your girlfriend.”
“Oh my god. Fuck off.”
“I’m just saying. You told her to stop and she didn’t.” Carmilla retorts. She couldn’t look her in the eye; she can’t stand the anger.
“She still knows boundaries.” Laura growls. “I was laughing when I said it; it was playful.”
“So laughing makes it okay?” Carmilla snaps. She looks to her sunny brown eyes. “And what if you’re drunk and you tell her to stop? But you’re so drunk and laughing that she doesn’t know. If you say stop, it should be-“
“Shut up! She wouldn’t do that if I’m drunk! My god, Carmilla! Stop trying to paint her out to be some monster so you can play hero! I don't need you to be a hero! Don't do this just because I’m happy and you’re not.”
“I don’t care that you’re happy.” Carmilla snaps back, and it’s the biggest lie she’s told in years. “And I’m happy. Think I’m not cause you have a girlfriend? I don’t care about that!” Another lie.
“Fuck off, Carm.” Carm. Even now, even after four years the nickname still made her heart flutter. Even when Laura was screaming and growling her name last night that stupid pet name still had an affect on her. It made her angry. She clenched her fists by her side.
“She’s not like that.” Laura says. “She’s better…” She scoffs. “Better than you.” Carmilla’s jaw clenched.
Better than you. They sound like she was supposed to mean it but she didn’t. It’s empty; emptier than the space in Carmilla's heart that she still has stored away for Laura. Carmilla can’t help it as she eyes Laura up and down.
“God I missed you.” Carmilla says it before she can stop herself. For a moment, Laura’s eyes soften. There’s something to them that don’t scream murder, that aren’t a flame. But with a quick shake to her head it’s gone.
“Fuck off. This never happened. We were jumped.” Laura recollected her cell phone and straightened out her dress. “Rot in hell, Carmilla.” She walks out the hotel, slamming the door shut. Carmilla ignores the way her body's soar and drops down onto the bed, face buried in her hands.
Fuck.