Work Text:
♡⊹
even if jeongguk doesn’t say it, everybody knows park jimin is an angel walking on earth. not only does everybody know it, they all collectively agree that jimin is an angel. jimin is as kind as he’s ever been. always giving more than he should, never taking, always asking for help in the most considerate and the most polite way possible that sometimes, he doesn’t even bother asking for help because he doesn’t want to be a burden to other people. he never was. he’s always bowing fully to everyone, smiling ever so tenderly, and his laugh is so bright that it can light up even the darkest days. that one jeongguk has experienced it, up close. whenever practices and recordings get too overwhelming, too exhausting, and when everybody else tends to get extra grumpy (yes, even his dearest sweet sweet hobi-hyung), jimin would still look at jeongguk with that light in his eyes, offering the warmest smile, sometimes he would also laugh as he would say “is our jeonggukie tired already? ”.
not only park jimin behaves like an angel, but he also looks like an angel. even on the days he spends lazily hanging around the dorm with nothing to do. with his collection of oversized tees and short shorts. even on the days jeongguk catches him snoring on the couch with his hand holding onto the tv remote so tight. even on the days when jeongguk finds himself somehow ending up in jimin’s bed, with the latter’s eyes closed tight, showcasing his pretty lashes, and the distance so excruciatingly close that jeongguk can see jimin's freckles and feel his warm breath fresh against his face. jeongguk’s gaze would fall down to jimin’s pink plump lips that are slightly parted as he is already far into the dreamland.
jeongguk has never been able to look at jimin’s lips without wanting to know how they taste. are they as soft as they appear? are they as lovely to taste as they are to look at?
other days though, jimin looks magnificent, almost magical even. killing every rehearsal and performance with such grace that no one can compete. jeongguk takes pride in the chance that he got to perform the black swan dance duet with jimin. jeongguk is an excellent dancer; being in the industry for so long has made him acknowledge this fact. but jimin is a different level of swift, elegant and mesmerizing. every movement is like a beautiful stroke and the air is his canvas. he moves so daintily, almost feline even. all the while looking so divine, so out of this world with his makeup on and his hair dyed. jeongguk knows it all too well that jimin has dyed his hair all shades of colors. from ashy brown, dirty blond, golden or honey brown, and even to the darkest shade of brown. red, purple, blue, you name it. jimin rocks every single color, but jeongguk still can’t seem to wrap his head around the fact that jimin still manages to render him speechless by just being… jimin. just the sight of jimin is enough to send jeongguk into a haze, one that he’ll gladly slip into. everybody probably already noticed how jeongguk’s gaze towards jimin always seems to last a second too long. there is no shame, though. jeongguk knows he’s not the only one. and if it were up to jeongguk, he would stare at jimin all day, all night. but everybody doesn’t have to know that.
no, everybody doesn’t have to know that.
everybody doesn’t have to know that jimin takes up too much of the space in jeongguk’s mind, whether he likes it or not, and if jeongguk is being honest, he isn’t complaining. thinking of jimin has always been his favorite thing to do, sometimes jeongguk even acts on his thoughts; knocking on his hyung’s door late at night just to hang out, sometimes even ends up waking up next to him in the morning, or taking him on a night out just the two of them. he wouldn’t call it a date, no, but he sure hopes it is. after all, he can’t shake off the want and the need to hold his hand, intertwine their fingers together, and kiss him straight on his lips at the end of the day.
but jimin doesn’t have to know that, no.
not yet.
♡⊹
jeongguk has to admit that it can get frustrating from time to time. no matter how much he thinks about it, he is letting himself walk on the thinnest ice possible. being in love for years is, in a way, a painful thing to do. especially when you can’t do anything about it. it’s park jimin after all, his bandmate, his best friend, his hyung, who’s always been all touchy and lovey-dovey. jeongguk has mastered the act of looking unbothered, even going as far as brushing his hyung off (he doesn't want to, he hates that he has to) just for the sake of not getting caught red-handed for being head over heels right in front of everyone, and also, not to mention, the whole world. all those subtle stares and touches during live broadcasts, jeongguk has learned to be lowkey about his feelings. though he still finds flaws in the way he acts when he double-checks everything (because really, how does one contain themselves around park jimin? his hyungs do because they're not head over heels in love with jimin, they don't feel the urge to leap into jimin’s arms and kiss him right in his mouth, jeongguk can’t and never will be able to relate), nobody ever said anything.
still, if it were up to jeongguk, he would declare his love at the top of the mountain, and make the world understand his undying love for jimin.
♡⊹
jimin is jimin after all. always showing his love through his acts and touches. and although jimin is all warm and touchy, always demands that the members hug and cuddle him, jeongguk can never be so sure about jimin’s feelings towards him.
jimin hugs jeongguk like he’s the only precious thing left in this world, but he also hugs taehyung-hyung that way.
jimin plays with his jeongguk’s hair so often and jeongguk lets him. he would sleep with a braid by the end of the night, but even the unbothered yoongi-hyung sleeps with his hair braided sometimes, a signature braid that can only mean park jimin made them because of the cute little colorful hair tie that belongs to jimin and jimin only.
jimin corrects jeongguk’s slightly wrong move in their choreography so very softly, never in a tone of scolding, cheeks all red from the studio’s heat and warm smile, but he also does so to seokjin-hyung.
jimin often asks jeongguk’s company for a drink, saying he’s most comfortable drunk when he’s with jeongguk, but oftentimes he would also hang out and drink with namjoon-hyung and hoseok-hyung, sometimes even coming home late just the three of them.
jeongguk likes to be more than a bandmate to jimin, more than a best friend, but all those things he does with or to jeongguk, jimin also does with the other members. that’s why jeongguk can never be so sure.
other days, though, jeongguk swears jimin, too, is feeling all the things that he makes jeongguk feels, because they all own a house for themselves, and though jimin has his own, he spends the majority of time during their break at jeongguk’s penthouse.
“i sleep better here, with you, jeongguk-ah.” jimin once said, and of course, jeongguk can never say no to that.
not that he wants to, though.
they would share the bed, sleeping on each side of the bed at a notable distance, but by the morning, as the birds are chirping and the sun peeking through the blinds, jeongguk would find jimin’s legs all tangled up with his, face dangerously close, and arms wrapped loosely around jeongguk’s body. then as if jimin notices jeongguk has been staring, he would wake up with the warmest smile he could offer, wishing jeongguk a good morning.
no it isn’t good morning to jeongguk. it’s perfect , it’s warm and safe morning, like a tight embrace just like the one he’s having. it’s probably beautiful morning, perfect morning even, not a mediocre good , no.
when jeongguk woke up a little bit later than usual, he would find jimin in his kitchen, scramming around his fridge like he owns the house, making anything he can make with anything that he can find in jeongguk’s fridge. the sight never bores jeongguk, not that it ever will. in fact, he’d like to freeze it in a frame, so that it stays forever like that.
jimin can own anything that jeongguk owns. jeongguk is never one to share things, but with jimin, he doesn’t seem to mind that at all. in fact, he’s always thinking about what it would be like to share his things with jimin, maybe not that far into the future from now. like sharing one cup of coffee despite countless cups and mugs in his home. or sharing clothes; maybe jimin waking up with his shirt or jeongguk with jimin’s sweater. or–, jeongguk dares to hope, sharing a house, a new one. one bedroom just for the two of them, since they’re practically already doing that right now in jeongguk’s penthouse.
jeongguk doesn’t mind. jimin can own anything that jeongguk owns.
my heart, too, he owns it. oh, he so owns it.
oh, has he mentioned all the times jeongguk finds jimin all curled up in a ball cuddling with bam? yeah. the sight strikes a homerun straight into his chest. so achingly cute. how can jeongguk not tiptoe back to his room, carefully so as not to wake both of them up, grab his camera, and record? he isn’t being creepy, he swears, jimin would see the video anyway when he wakes up when jeongguk shows him.
“that’s how i look like sleeping these days?! i really need to work out on these cheeks more, huh?” jimin is now, still, cuddling bam in his arms as he is shown the short video that jeongguk captured earlier.
although it might sound like a passing thought, jeongguk knows there’s a hint of insecurity that is laced in jimin’s voice. and jeongguk doesn’t like it. “you don’t.”
because really, jimin doesn’t need to loose his chubby cheeks. not when there’s nothing wrong with them. not when they feel like the softest pillows whenever jeongguk playfully squeezes them, or whenever they're nuzzled against jeongguk's own when they hug. not when they redden each time jeongguk teases him, or that time when jeongguk caught him off guard and back hug him. not when they’re perfect, ain’t a single thing jeongguk would change about jimin.
“there isn’t a single thing i would change about you, hyung.” jeongguk almost throws up when he realizes what he has done. his mouth apparently works faster than his brain. the words are out there now. what would jimin think? was it creepy? was it weird? fuck. “s-so, you shouldn’t change a thing about yourself.” jeongguk tries to hide the flush that he feels is coming up to his cheeks and up to the tip of his ears.
jimin just giggles and ruffles jeongguk’s hair, a habit that never fails to warm jeongguk’s inside and make his heart swell twice its size. jeongguk loves it though.
he can get used to it.
he can get used to anything and everything that park jimin does. all the things that he is, seem to captivate jeongguk in all ways possible. he’s been in love for so long, yet his heart still jumps at the sight or jimin. he still has goosebumps running through his spine every single time he waits for him to finish photoshoots. jimin always looks so ethereal, so captivating no one can ever come close.
it’s probably why jeongguk doesn’t have to think twice when he declares (to himself and himself only, of course) that park jimin is his muse. he’s his only muse, always has, and always will be. he doesn’t hesitate to let jimin takes up most of his camera’s memory card. no amount of the card’s size is enough to capture jimin’s beauty. it’s one that you have to see up close, real close. no pictures, and jeongguk fucking means no pictures, even the ones that he always takes, can ever come close to what jimin is like in real life.
“jeongguk-ah, if i knew you would make the video that well, i would‘ve done myself up and wouldn’t have done weird things.” jimin had said a long time ago, once the golden closet film in tokyo was uploaded.
jeongguk is more than willing to beg to differ. he wishes jimin could see himself through jeongguk’s eyes because he swears he has never looked at anyone with the utmost love before. jimin cannot possibly do himself better than he always does, the same way he cannot possibly dress himself better than he always does. jeongguk holds dear any kind of clothing jimin chooses to wear, be it a simple tee or a distinguished tuxedo, a leather jacket or a hoodie, chelsea boots or flip flops, nothing can ever make jimin look bad. if anything, jeongguk holds dear the sight of barefaced jimin, when not a single ounce of makeup is plastered to his face, when his hair is all stiff and looking a bit rough from all the chemical damage of dying his hair, but still all soft when jeongguk runs his fingers onto. still, it smells like the citrus shampoo jimin uses. or when once in a while a pimple surfaces onto his soft cheeks.
his forever muse; no one, and nothing can ever look as ethereal as him.
♡⊹
it isn’t a secret anymore that they spend the majority of time together. the other members go as far as saying if there’s jimin, there’s jeonggukie . and it’s also the same the other way around: when there’s no jimin, there’s no jeongguk. jeongguk always finds it almost too natural, like it’s his nature to fall close to where jimin is. he could be standing on the far end one second, and right next to jimin who’s standing on the opposite end the next second. it’s only natural that they always share the same car, always leaving and going together. jimin has this gravity around him and jeongguk is pulled, and he’s so oh willingly fall. he never minds it if it’s jimin he’s falling into.
that’s also why he finds it so easy when his hand reaches for the camera and starts recording whatever jimin is doing. the latter would notice and make weird and cute faces, sometimes saying what are you doing, jeonggukie? all the while giggling so endearingly. when jimin notices jeongguk is filming him, jimin would act ten times cuter, like he’s on cue that it’s his time to shine. after all, that’s what he is; a star. at least that’s what jeongguk thinks.
jeongguk finds it most endearing, almost achingly beautiful when jimin doesn’t notice the camera. it’s raw and jeongguk loves to capture all sides of jimin, keep them to himself when he needs strength to go on about his days, or when he misses him so much when they’re away from each other.
jeongguk is editing some footage of a new golden closet film he’s planning to upload by the end of the year when he hears the door to his studio flicks open. jeongguk knows it’s definitely jimin because he is staying the night at his penthouse, not because of the way jimin’s soft arms arm are wrapped around jeongguk’s neck and his chin on top of jeongguk’s head, no, definitely not because of that.
“what are you doing, jeonggukie? i thought you were sleeping next to me.” jimin whines cutely, and it does wonders to the pit of jeongguk’s stomach, erupting butterflies as jimin deepens his embrace.
“i’m editing my videos, should be done in a minute, though.” jeongguk tries to sound unaffected by the way jimin’s body is pressed against his back, radiating warmth and comfort throughout jeongguk’s system. can jimin feel jeongguk’s racing heartbeats though?
“m’kay. come back to bed once you’re done? it’s cold without you.” jimin nuzzles his cheek against jeongguk’s head and walks out of the studio innocently, leaving the puzzled jeongguk. the cursor on the screen remains static as his hand remains unmoving. jeongguk is unable to calm down his racing thoughts and heart.
it might have been a friendly affectionate gesture, after all that’s how jimin has always been. it might have been just jimin being needy and all clingy because it’s the beginning of autumn after all; over the years, jeongguk notices jimin gets a little tiny tad grumpier when the autumn comes, probably because of how it can get weirdly cold at times.
but jeongguk dares to think that things have shifted these days. that somehow there is something more between him and jimin. jeongguk might be crazy, or naive even to think that his best friend would ever feel the same way. after all, it’s been eight years since he realized he was in love, and nothing ever changed. who is jeongguk to think that now it’s changed?
but some things leave questions in his head. questions like will things be more than they are right now? or is he feeling what i’m feeling too? or does he feel the same? because maybe it’s the way jimin’s head would casually rest on jeongguk’s shoulder during movie nights as his arms would wrap around jeongguk’s arm for comfort. or the way jimin’s hand would naturally find its way to jeongguk’s cheek even in his sleep, caressing unconsciously, making the awake jeongguk confused and all heart-pounding. or maybe that time jeongguk let jimin drive his car, and they were laughing about something and as their laughter echoes through the whole car, jimin’s one hand was tight on the wheel, and the other ruffling jeongguk’s hair; one of jimin’s favorite thing to do, and keep ruffling his hair during the whole drive.
jeongguk sighs at the thought. he then decides to save his progress and turns his computer off, heading towards his bedroom where jimin is, waiting for him. jeongguk slips into bed easily, and in a matter of seconds, jimin’s hand reaches out for jeongguk’s and he accepts wholeheartedly, letting his best friend pulls him in for a cuddly nap time.
it’s been years, but jimin still, literally, got him wrapped around his little finger.
♡⊹
jeongguk is never one to think much of his own birthday. he always has his birthdays celebrated grandly, because, well, he’s jeon jeongguk from bts. all the gifts from the fans, his company preparing a not so closed off party... jeongguk is nothing but grateful. his brothers would always send him early birthday presents, and some of them would always make time to visit him at his penthouse. this year though, it’s a bit different. namjoon and yoongi are abroad working on some new music and collaborations. hoseok’s sister has just given birth and he just has to be there (he didn’t forget to kiss jeongguk’s cheek to apologize yesterday, though, so all is good and forgiven). seokjin’s celebrating his parents' wedding anniversary, taehyung’s filming something in japan, and jimin is on a vacation with his friends since three days ago.
speaking of jimin, he’s probably the only person who never misses jeongguk’s birthday. all of the members remember, of course, but jimin never misses; he’s always with jeongguk on his birthday, physically. he won’t be this year, and jeongguk can’t say he’s not bummed out, but it’s okay. jimin is having fun and is happy with his friends and that’s all that matters.
thus, jeongguk decides that he’s going to busan for his special day, finding it fits to celebrate with his family in his hometown. due to some schedules though he would have to go home a day after his birthday. jeongguk doesn’t mind, it isn’t the date that counts. he’ll have a wonderful time with his family any time any day anyway. still, it’s a bit lonely now in his penthouse. it’s big and spacious, but it’s way too empty.
what jeongguk didn’t expect is that when the clock strikes 12 at midnight, right on his birthday, his front doorbell rings, and there stands park jimin, holding a small little cake with a single candle lighting up the dark surroundings of jeongguk’s penthouse.
“h-hyung?”
“happy birthday jeonggukie!” jimin beams, his plump lips curving upward into such a pretty smile, one that jeongguk has always always loved. his cheeks are flushed; even in the dark jeongguk notices this. he wants nothing but to kiss them.
jeongguk shakes his head to cast aside his mad thoughts away. “i thought you were…?”
“you think i would miss my jeonggukie’s birthday?!” jimin gasps, failing miserably with his bad acting to look offended.
yes, jeongguk thinks. it’s not that jeongguk thinks jimin would miss his birthday on purpose. it’s just that he didn’t think jimin would pull off another of a paris-seoul 2019 all over again. jeongguk still remembers that day so very vividly. it’s still clear in his mind, like it’s tattooed forever there. he remembers the shock because he really thought jimin was still on the other side of the world, it’s paris for fuck sake! but then there he stood, along with hoseok, saying he had come home earlier just to be there for jeongguk’s birthday. he remembers getting so touched that he didn’t notice he was crying. jimin spent the night that day, and jeongguk thought it was impossible to fall more in love with jimin.
but every day he is proven wrong. every day he falls in love a little bit more than the day before.
like right now.
“now, now, make a wish, will you?” jimin’s soft voice against the silence of jeongguk’s cold empty penthouse is everything to him.
jeongguk closes his eyes, wishing that this moment can last forever; being this close, together with jimin. he wants that forever, oh he so wants. instead of his own happiness, he wishes for jimin’s. after thinking for a while, he also dares himself to wish, that somehow, the universe would let him become jimin’s happiness. no crime in that, right? it’s his birthday, after all, he can wish for whatever he wants, right?
“once again, happy birthday jeongguk-ah!“ after jeongguk blows the candle, jimin puts the cake down on a small table jeongguk had installed for a small plant by the front door. jimin then wraps his arms around jeongguk’s neck, pulling him into a tight warm embrace. jimin sways their bodies left and right playfully as his hand lovingly ruffles jeongguk's dark locks. “i love you!”
once they go inside, they decide to have some drinks by the kitchen counter and jimin decides to talk about his vacation, smiling and laughing all the time. turns out jimin had just landed in korea barely just two hours ago, went to pick up the cake he had ordered a week before, and went straight home, that one word jeongguk quotes from jimin. he calls jeongguk's penthouse his home.
jeongguk gladly listens to everything. jimin’s smiles and giggles have always been one of jeongguk’s weaknesses after all these years. his favorite things in the world. jeongguk decides to take out his camera, recording everything; the half-eaten cake, the glasses and the wine, seoul at night as seen from jeongguk’s skyscraping penthouse, and of course, of course, park jimin. white tee and black jeans, hair all messy, soft smiles, and red cheeks. if only the camera can capture his smell; citrus mixed with wine, or at least capture his real beauty.
this will do for now, though. more memories with jimin he can store safely in his memory card, persevered through the test of times.
after probably five glasses of wine, they decide to stop, jimin saying he doesn’t want to get completely wasted on jeongguk’s birthday. jimin can hold his liquor well anyway, so he’s just a little bit tipsy, not drunk. jeongguk, on the other hand, knows he himself is already drunk, but his mind is a hundred percent awake. they lie awake in jeongguk’s bed, staring into each other’s eyes. jimin’s cheeks are all flushed and so are jeongguk’s.
i’m so fucking drunk, aren’t i? jeongguk thinks because he swears jimin is staring at him with his eyes gleaming so bright, jeongguk even dares to think that there is love in his eyes. something must’ve been funny because jimin just laughs at nothing, bright sheepish smiles and laughs. jeongguk feels so warm inside.
“jeonggukie,” jimin calls out, and jeongguk thinks jimin’s cheeks can’t possibly get any redder than they already are but boy he is wrong.
jeongguk hums, heart beating so fast when jimin moves a strand of hair from jeongguk’s face. the sheer contact has always been so natural, but tonight, oh god, tonight. jeongguk wants nothing more than to pull jimin closer to him. he’s drunk, and it takes everything in him not to do that.
“i love you.” jimin’s eyes are honest. his voice is barely a whisper, but it’s loud and clear, and the words echo so beautifully in jeongguk’s ears as if they were music. jeongguk has an idea of what those three words mean, but the smell of wine amidst the air reminds jeongguk to stay grounded.
“you’re drunk, hyung.” jeongguk decides to say, trying to ignore his rapid heartbeat.
“i might be, but i still love you!” jimin says in a pout, his brows tucked together in defense of his confession.
“will you even remember this tomorrow?” it’s a stupid question, jeongguk knows jimin isn’t drunk, but he’s just scared. all of a sudden all these fears are creeping out and jeongguk cannot bear to think that jimin might forget about this.
“of course i will, dummy. i’ve always loved you, you know?”
and then, silence takes over, and the only thing jeongguk can hear is his throbbing heart inside his chest. is this really happening? jeongguk isn’t stupid to not understand what jimin is really saying. jimin loves him, not in a brotherly best friend way, but really truly loves him. jeongguk understands the gleam in jimin’s eyes because he swears, all these years, he himself has been staring at jimin with the same gleam in his own eyes too.
it all makes sense, somehow, little by little. those touches are not so innocent after all, and those loving stares. jimin spending nights most of the time that they’re practically living together. and, oh, all the time jeongguk tries not to think much and ignores it when he catches jimin glancing at his lips. too many realizations are going through his head and he feels dizzy.
“i’ve always loved you too, hyung.” jeongguk feels a great deal of weight just evaporated into the thin air. all these years of hiding, and feeling his feelings alone, he now gets to share them with the very person that his heart longs for. this is surreal, jeongguk thinks. this is too surreal.
a part of jeongguk regrets that the confession happens when they’re drunk. but the honesty in jimin’s eyes tells jeongguk that they’re alright, that they’ll remember this tomorrow and for the rest of their life.
“i really love you, jeongguk-ah.”
“you really do?” jeongguk isn’t second-guessing jimin’s feelings, but it still feels just so fucking surreal that this is happening. he simply cannot wrap his head around this very moment.
jimin scoots closer, touching their foreheads together. “i really really do.” their noses touch and as jimin’s hand reaches for jeongguk’s cheek, jeongguk feels his heart in his throat. he feels like crying. “so much.”
jeongguk leans in at the same time jimin decides to do the same, and there is no hesitation when their lips meet for the first time. jimin’s lips feel so soft, so tender, so very jimin, jeongguk thinks. sweet and bitter from the wine, but still very heavenly, very velvety. jeongguk can feel his own lips trembling, simply because he can’t believe that this is happening. that he’s kissing his best friend he’s been in love with for years. that his feelings are reciprocated fully, wholly, truly, deeply.
jeongguk’s heart flutters in his chest, unable to slow down the pounding in his chest as he feels jimin’s tongue against his lips. jeongguk opens his mouth willingly, letting their tongues meet as they deepen their kiss.
“i love you, hyung.” jeongguk is the first one to break the kiss, but jimin is quick to bring their lips back together and kiss him again with more passion than before.
“i love you,” jimin says it back, giggling in between the kisses, then he continues his confession. “i love you, i love you, i love you.”
kissing jimin, holding him close, whispering soft i love you(s) isn’t enough for jeongguk. he wants the whole world to know this. that this man, park jimin, owns his heart and will forever do. he wants the whole world to know that no one can make him feel the enormity of what he feels for jimin. he wants the whole world to know that only jimin has the power to ravage his world, and he will always willingly let that happen.
but the world isn’t ready for that, at least that’s what jeongguk thinks.
the world isn’t ready for a love so passionate that it burns them inside every time they touch each other, or every time jimin looks at him with his soft eyes, listening to every single word jeongguk is saying attentively. or every time jimin looks completely dazed by jeongguk’s touches and his kisses. the world isn't ready for their long long kisses, hot and wet when nobody is around, or when they’re alone together in jeongguk’s penthouse. the world isn’t ready for the fire building up inside of them as they unite in love, making love to one another in the most passionate way possible. the world isn’t ready for their long nights moaning each other’s names that unfold from their lips like a soft prayer. for truly, madly, deeply, they’re falling in love over and over again, with every kiss, every touch. every single night spends cuddling and making love, or nights spend with giggles echoing through the whole room, laughing, and happy crying.
the world isn’t ready, but one day it will.
for now, jimin is his hyung, his best friend, his bandmate, but also his boyfriend, the love of his fucking life, and also his one and only muse, always has and always will.
jeongguk won’t have it any other way.