Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

“Well that’s stupid.”

It was a simple sentence; one of subtle exasperation and concerned disappointment — the tone melting the stale and mundane tranquility of the busy Monday morning, fading the white noise of the cars and people bustling on the crowded streets below their towering building.

A man stood with a small frown on his face, dark brown eyes looking pointedly at the person sitting leisurely not far from him — seeming nonchalant towards the sharp gaze from the way he flipped through the papers filled with sketches of his latest clothing designs. Like the words of insult were left unheard and ignored, too unimportant to be considered.

“Thank you, Jongdae.” Closing the book with a small sigh, Baekhyun instead smiled tiredly at his friend looking at him with judging eyes. 

“Bet that’s not the first time you heard it, huh.” The annoyance in his voice was apparent. 

The previous ease that usually enveloped the two had changed with the last words said, seamlessly threading with the cold air of the high rise office, contrast to the morning light shining bright above the glamorous city of Seoul outside the wall-length window. 

It was almost sad how things could change that easily with just a single sentence.

Yet despite it, Baekhyun knew it wasn’t out of ill will. So he chose not to mind it. Because despite his silence, he quite deserved it, if he was to be honest.

Closing his eyes for a brief moment, Baekhyun breathed in gently. Because he knew that there was no escaping his friend when he had found out the truth himself.

Jongdae wasn't supposed to know this soon. Nobody was. But at the same time, it was inevitable; with how the man was practically with him almost every day, how could he not? Even more so when his job as the head of business management in Baekhyun's fashion company required the two to see each other everyday.

So really, Baekhyun understood his friend's harsh words. Even when it wouldn't change anything. 

Because Jongdae wasn’t the first who told him such words. 

He said it himself first.

And to admit before anyone else could notice made Baekhyun unable to be offended.

Thus, with the same placidity he had always portrayed on his face, Baekhyun calmly asked with no means.

“And what do you suggest I do?”

His tone was easy like it was something light enough to be forgotten the next second.

Yet instead of appeasement, Jongdae clicked his tongue — his scrunched eyebrows deepened along with the disagreement on his face.

For Jongdae, maybe it was the perks of knowing Baekhyun for over ten long years, maybe it was how he had dealt with his friend’s defensive mechanism to stay in ignorance despite how heavy everything always was for himself time and time again. But the man with a faint scowl on his face knew Baekhyun was asking half-heartedly with no intention to listen. And it ticked him even more.

“I don’t know, Baekhyun,” he began. “Maybe tell your baby daddy you’re pregnant? With his baby?” Even the question sounded ridiculous in Jongdae's ears — even more the fact that the other person he was talking of was not a stranger. No. Instead it was his own best friend. 

And somehow, saying those words merely deepened the annoyance and scowl on his face. "Or I don't know. Maybe tell him he's going to be a father? Maybe tell him, so he won't have the same accident with his rumored concert hookups while he’s away?"

But Jongdae had always been an impulsive speaker when angry, realization following seconds later after the damage was enough to dampen his sharp words and aggravation. Just like how his last words were enough to make the person in front of him lower his eyes for a few fleeting seconds, perfectly showing indifference above the sharp hurt Jongdae knew was there. Even when they both knew the rumors were false, it was the thought that it was not impossible that was bitter.

But that was exactly it, despite the subtle guilt that rose after seeing Baekhyun's stricken eyes, Jongdae didn’t want him to continue being like this; to see his friend in pain at the mention of something with no assurance like that — something full of doubt. Like how it had been for the past five years.

Yet hearing Baekhyun's silence, Jongdae realized that maybe right now wasn't the best time to throw sharp sarcasm in the hope to make Baekhyun understand.

Besides, he knew ; that no matter how worried he was, there was nothing he could do. 

“Where is he anyway? Isn’t he supposed to be back soon?”

“Tomorrow, he told me.” Softly Baekhyun spoke, diverting his eyes away as if he was guilty to know.

Jongdae sighed, exasperation left his lips this time, tired like someone who almost gave up teaching a child how to count.

Because of course. 

“So you’re still in contact with him, but you haven’t told him he knocked you up.”

“Jongdae, he told me because I’m his best friend.” Baekhyun wasn't meeting his friend's eyes as he defended himself, gaze unseeing as he looked outside the vast window of his office.

Jongdae knew he needed to reel in his bubbling frustrations, but the answer instead added to his emotions.

“The father of your baby too apparently.” The light scoff in his tone implying the absurdity in his mind. “Just- Why are you hiding this from him? You should’ve told him before he went on that world tour a month ago.” 

And Baekhyun could only smile bitterly hearing his friend questioning everything he didn’t do. Because hearing the frustration from the head manager's voice reminded him how it wasn't even near his own.

As if his thoughts were heavy on his tongue, it was seconds until he replied, “I’m not hiding, Dae.. I just... don’t want to go after him." 

And as the words left his lips, for a stolen moment, Baekhyun’s eyes turned forlorn before he blinked them away; the promise he made and wished he could break flashing past his mind. 

Jongdae shouldn't have asked him, his friend knew the most.

"Besides, he’s been preparing for that world tour for months. I’m not going to make him stay for this.” Baekhyun ended.

“You’re fucking complicated, goddamn.” By then, Jongdae didn’t know how many deep sighs he had let out, each time becoming heavier than before. Yet like he ran out of exasperation to exhale, something in Jongdae’s eyes changed — it was gentler, a look of understanding and sympathy despite the same annoyance was still there. 

“It’s been years, Baek.” His voice was soft after the short silence, void of the disbelief and frustration from before.

“People change — so do feelings and priorities.” The tone was almost exhausted, like he had been trying to say the same thing over and over again, and still unheard.

But Baekhyun was always stubborn — too headstrong and hard on himself. Placing boundaries and rules for himself thinking it would keep him safe and in control. And in some ways, it did work — the proof was Baekhyun’s very own fashion company built from the ground up with his very own blood, sweat and tears. Yet at the same time, for years, Jongdae had also been trying to say that it didn’t always work that way. 

Just like now.

“We wouldn’t have this conversation if he did, Dae.” Baekhyun wasn’t even putting up much of an argument anymore.

"You'll never know until you tell him. He isn't the same as five years ago." With one last sigh of defeat at the silence he received, Jongdae could only look at Baekhyun with worry. One that was apologetic and brimming with concern.

Regardless of how Baekhyun was feeling, none of them could get out of this mess. The little life growing inside Baekhyun would still be there. It would still change both of its parents' lives. And while this wasn’t the ending Jongdae had expected to see, the result wasn’t that far-fetched as he predicted. In the end, it was Baekhyun who would be hurt the most.

“Usually, telling you ‘I told you so.’ gives me the most satisfaction. But for years, this is the only thing I don’t want to be right.” There was a small smile on Jongdae’s face then — wistful, hinted with sadness as he walked closer to where Baekhyun sat. “You know I care for you, right?” 

This time, Baekhyun smiled softly, looking at Jongdae with a gentleness that only they shared. “I know.”

Like a switch was flipped, the facade on Jongdae’s face changed. A happy grin too bright to be completely genuine on his face.

“Good. Always keep that in mind.” 

But Baekhyun knew that the bright smile was to cheer him up. And once again, he was grateful for his friend’s existence. 

“Now, I’m gonna go prepare for today’s meeting.” Straightening his back, Jongdae brushed the invisible dust off his turtleneck sweater and suit jacket over his shoulder, before looking at Baekhyun again.

“You sure you’re alright?” With one last look of concern, in the end he couldn't help but to ask for the last time.

“I am, don’t worry.” And truly, Baekhyun hoped he was.

With a last glance, Jongdae then walked out of the room. “See you in two hours, Byun. Call me if you need me.”

“I will. Thank you, Dae.”

It was after the sound of his office doors closing that finally let Baekhyun breathe a deep sigh, throwing his head back as he stared at the ceiling, looking at nothing.

Mindlessly, his hand reached to press his barely showing bump, hidden behind his comfortable clothes loose enough to drown his lithe figure.

Over the month it had become a habit; for him to place a hand on his stomach, to gently rub his hand over it. Soft gestures as if unsure — wondering if it was true, wondering if it would still be there even after acknowledging it. 

Because just like those cliche chick flick movies, it came as a surprise.

Baekhyun was busy sketching his newest winter collection at that time, when his assistant came into his workshop with a tray of perfumes for him to sample, a big collaboration between his fashion house and a luxury cosmetic brand. 

For the past week, he hadn't been in the best shape — the headaches from his tightly scheduled work and the fatigue of running a widely known company began to increase more than usual. Yet instead of being mindful, he had dismissed it, saying it was just the stress from not getting enough rest. At that time, he thought it would pass by soon like always. 

But that was only until he was asked to smell the perfumes.

In the count of seconds, he felt bile rising to his throat along with the nausea that hit so strongly for the first time that week. If before the wave of discomfort in his stomach was enough to be brushed off as his bad habit of eating late, this time it was too intense for him to dismiss.

With a hand clasped on his mouth and the other held on to his table for stability, Baekhyun was just grateful he didn’t end up throwing up on his desk at that moment. But that didn't help ease his mind. Because as his ringing senses calmed down, it was the panic and speculation that kicked in after.

Baekhyun didn’t want to take any chances, and he was smart enough to assume. So with a bid of goodbye to his worried and confused assistant, Baekhyun had told her he was going to go home early that day.

While driving his way to the nearest pharmacy — speeding almost dangerously, Baekhyun began to run the list of events for the past month in his mind, hoping for a sliver of lead or memory that would help weigh his assumptions.

But of course, when he finally arrived at his home with multiple pregnancy tests in his bag, it all only led to one conclusion.

It all led to one person that almost made him arrive late for work far too many times, exhausting him all through the night and keeping him up until morning. 

One that hadn’t left Baekhyun’s apartment or bed for the week he was staying in Seoul, before his upcoming encore concerts all around the world just two weeks ahead.

One that brought him to the pre-party for the opening concert of his tour that was filled with too much alcohol and bad decisions — only for them to have drunken sex in the hotel suite above the party floor.

And when Baekhyun held 5 pregnancy sticks in his hands all resulting positive, he couldn’t even be surprised despite the crushing apprehension and doubts filling his body whole; like there was not enough air for him to breathe in his spacious bathroom. He could only fall on his feet as he bitterly smiled at the anger and hate he held for himself, and the faint affection that he already could feel for the baby in his womb, life faint and aging no more than 3 weeks old.

Baekhyun had sat on the cold marble tiles, hugging his knees as he sorted the thoughts and emotions coursing through his body aimlessly, hoping it could give him a little sense of control over something he knew would change his, their , life forever. 

It was funny back then, how in the morning of that one night, they both woke up in the suite room — bodies tangled together completely bare and evidently sated with sex. There was no worry in them. Instead Baekhyun was pulled back into bed, coaxed with flutters of kisses on his nape and warm touches on his thighs before they began another round out of the many they already did.

Too many; too many times they did this, blurring the thin line between best friends and casual sex partners into a smudge of mixed endless grey. Too many times, that minding a protection or a birth control pill was close to a norm.

Baekhyun realized it was a slip; where he forgot to bring his pills after not having any intercourse for the past week, only to be fucked raw all through the dawn that night of the party. And even then, he could still remember the taste of the sweet expensive liquor from their endless kisses.

As he sat in silence with the tests in hand, Baekhyun found it was too much. Everything was too much — overwhelming him with too many thoughts on what would happen next, on the what ifs he would face soon. It wasn’t enough time for him to come to terms with the new life growing inside him; two days weren’t enough time for him to collect himself and to tell the person he should’ve. 

By the time he noticed, it was already time for the tour to start.

Though Baekhyun was supposed to bid the man a safe trip for the upcoming month, at the end he could only send a text saying those words with guilt behind every word. 

Because he didn't know what he would do then. 

For the 10 years Baekhyun had known the man, he never could tell what he should do when it came to him.

Jongdae was right, Baekhyun should’ve told him before the father of his baby left a month ago. But at that time, he thought giving himself some space and time to think on what to do had been the best. 

Now, Baekhyun knew he couldn’t hide, even when he never intended to in the first place. Especially with the barely noticeable growth on his two months old bump and the pregnancy symptoms that would be difficult to hide. Because those were what helped Jongdae figure out his secret in the first place.

At first Baekhyun didn’t want to tell anyone, thinking that keeping this between him and his doctor was the best. But of course his friend would be suspicious when out of nowhere Baekhyun began to be more mindful of his hard rusted bad habits that Jongdae had been trying to improve for years.

Jongdae was a smart man, his usual playfulness and sarcastic words hiding his sharp mind behind a cheshire grin. Baekhyun wasn’t even trying to deny nor was he surprised when his friend came to his office that morning with a serious and worried face.

As it turned out, while Baekhyun was busy dividing his scarce concentration between his private and professional life, Jongdae had been busy watching Baekhyun.

Jongdae had come with a question, a simple question asking if Baekhyun was okay. At first, Baekhyun didn’t know what his friend meant, dismissing him saying he was quite alright as he continued to skim his eyes over his design papers. But then when Jongdae began to list down the things Baekhyun had and hadn’t done the past month — namely being more mindful of his diets, the sudden stop on drinking and going out for social parties, missing oil infuser in the rooms Baekhyun always worked in, all of it was enough for Baekhyun to not deny anything said by his friend next.

And when Jongdae asked if he was pregnant, Baekhyun simply said yes.

Jongdae didn’t need to know whose child it was. He didn’t need to know how it happened. Because out of everyone, his friend knew best. Instead, he merely asked whether Baekhyun had told him — the other person responsible for it.

And when Baekhyun nonchalantly said he hadn’t, the rather rude remark from his friend’s commonly blatant way of talking was not unexpected.

Now as he was finally left alone — leaning back on the couch of his spacious overly bright office to ponder over everything that had happened to him for the past two months — over what would happen to him in two short days, Baekhyun didn’t know whether he was ready.

Along with the fatigue that came with his pregnancy — the weight of his heavy responsibilities and everything else, Baekhyun could only feel the exhaustion seeping in his bones, staining his body to stay still.

Checking his watch, the time merely showed how the morning was still young, near endless with the amount of work he would need to get done by the day. 

With a deep sigh, Baekhyun stood from his couch to sit on his high chair, beside him the whole city of Seoul was lively outside his glass window.

And as the silence of the white noise calmed him through, Baekhyun didn't even know what to hope for what would come.

"That's it for today. Thank you,"

Sounds of shuffling and rustling papers filled the room as the woman up front finished her presentation for the advertisement of an upcoming clothing line, the people present eager to wrap up the day's work as soon as possible.

After two hours of running through every aspect, the meeting finally came to an end along with the setting sun outside the glass wall, painting the room a gentle glow of golden orange, shades of deep magenta and light rose.

A faint tired smile was on Baekhyun's face as he gave a small nod to the last person bidding him goodbye before leaving him alone — sitting in silence at the head of the long meeting table.

Half way through the meeting, Jongdae had left after his reports were done and discussed, excusing himself to continue his own pile of work and leaving Baekhyun to continue his own meeting with the designer group.

With a heave of a heavy yet relieved sigh — the last meeting marking the end of his seemingly never ending schedule, Baekhyun was about ready to go home; to rest himself from work, even when in exchange was for his suppressed thoughts to run aloud when the silence of his apartment greeted him.

Standing up from his seat, Baekhyun grabbed his phone that he left on mute since the meeting started two hours ago, the intention to run through his work emails and messages in mind before leaving the office. 

However, the moment his screen lit up with messages he should see, it was an opened message displayed near the bottom of his screen that halted him from his intention, letting his heart stutter for a few beats before easing into slow deep thumps. A small bittersweet smile painted his lips before it disappeared with the breath he exhaled.

Because it wasn’t fair; that even after everything, Baekhyun couldn’t help the small warmth gently spreading in his chest, betraying his mind as his heart admitted the things he shouldn’t.

It wasn’t fair; because Baekhyun was the only one who longed for him to come home.

With trained composure on his face, Baekhyun quickly finished scrolling through everything important before turning the screen of his phone off, putting it inside his white leather bag and heading to his office to grab his things before leaving.

He shouldn't think of something that wouldn't result in anything.

Even when Jongdae's words might be right.

He shouldn't want something that might break him even more.

Especially when he knew he was always the only one who would.

See you in two days, Baek. I've missed you.

The soft clicking sound of the apartment doors closing echoed through the spacious dark living room — filling the still silence with a proof of existence before fading along with the cold early winter air. It was still the middle of November, but it was easy to tell snow would soon come falling at the end of the month.

Baekhyun left the living room he passed by dark, merely turning on a few dim yellow lights along the way. He didn't need much when the glittering lights of the tall skyscrapers outside his wall-length windows were enough to light his way to his bedroom.

Mindlessly, Baekhyun let his long fur coat fall down his shoulders, eyes staring into nothingness as his limbs reflexively moved on their own, peeling his clothes one by one and leaving them on the floor for him to pick up later.

The cold of the night slowly touched his warm skin, sending shivers down his spine as the air seeped into his bones when he was completely bare — milky white skin soft and unblemished, the dip of his waist thin before flaring into wide hips and supple thighs.

However, those weren't what caught his silent eyes. 

It was the slight protruding of his stomach that did — small enough to not be noticed by bare eyes, but big enough for him to acknowledge the weight of life he was carrying in him. Averting his gaze away, Baekhyun blinked his eyes awake.

He was tired, body aching and sore from his neck to his legs, even his vision wasn't as focused. Just sitting and skimming through endless papers all day, eyes running through lines and sketches before they would be given to be assessed by the design team. It was tiring. And out of all the days, for the past month, today felt the most mentally exhausting.

With a breathless freezing sigh past his lips, Baekhyun futilely breathed away the exhaustion before heading to take a bath, motion almost lethargic and heavy.

The bathroom was spacious, mostly made from white-gray marble and subtle yellow lights that instantly calmed him. Clear glass walls to separate the showering space on the left from the bathtub and mirrored sink.

Out of habit, Baekhyun first filled the large bathtub with hot water, sitting by the edge as he looked at the stream of water filling it; as if hypnotized by the constant stream and white noise of gently falling water echoing against the marble walls.

It was easy for him to be lost in his thoughts nowadays. Maybe that was what caused Jongdae to be suspicious of him in the first place. Fluttering the warm steam away from his eyes, Baekhyun then grabbed his favorite scented vanilla oil and tipped a few drops to the still shallow water.

It would take a long time to fill. Thus with that in mind, Baekhyun pushed himself off the edge of the bathtub with a sigh on his lips as he headed to take a shower as he waited.

With a gentle tap of his fingers, warm water began to trickle gently in constant from the shower embedded on the ceiling, clear droplets wetting his ash blond hair and caressing his cold skin to warm. This time, a deep sigh of content left his lips in subtle relief.

Somehow, this kind of simple tranquility was what confused him at times. The silence in the numbing white noise of water falling softly brought serenity to his thoughts that were reigning havoc in his head. Yet as his mind calmed down, his emotions thickened — heightened by the receding of his thoughts, amplifying the void of warmth he longed.

Like now, with his skin caressed by the slow stream of warm water in cold freezing air, Baekhyun felt empty in his longing. 

And for once, as he smiled bitterly, maybe he could finally blame the pregnancy hormones for feeling this way — maybe he could blame anything other than himself.

Baekhyun might have been ignorant all this time — thinking he could fool himself to think where he was now was okay; but he wasn't stupid. He knew the little things he was doing was an attempt to make him feel warmth.

All these years, it was what he had been trying to do.

A deep breath left his chest in a satisfied exhale from the heat of the shower — the puffs of steam replacing the cold air like his calm breathing. For countless minutes as he mindlessly lathered his hair with shampoo and his body with soap, the warm water embracing his cold skin felt nice, washing away his brimming uneasiness and fragments of troubles down the drain.

Yet maybe he was still too lost in his thoughts, maybe the gentle pitter-patters of falling water rinsing his body clean had filled his ears with oblivious white noise for too long, but Baekhyun didn’t notice — he didn’t hear, when the door to his bathroom was opened softly and the sound of silent footsteps barely echoed in the bathroom.

It was the gentle press of familiar strong hands on his hips, caressing his wet skin with gentleness only one person could — the fleeting security that immediately washed through him, that made him notice the person behind him.

A person that made his chest softly beat in warmth for the first time in a month.

Yet Baekhyun didn’t open his closed eyes. Instead he stayed silent, enjoying every attention and touch. Submissive, when he subtly tilted his head to the side the moment lingering feather kisses were pressed on his neck, drawing a faint sigh on his lips as his heart fluttered, warmth flickering in his chest, surpassing the heat of the water embracing him. 

He shuddered in his breath, how each kiss pressed on his skin left a trail of heat, each touch quickened the pulse of his heart by a slow beat.

The water in front of him faltered into a weak stream as a hand on his hips left, turning the knob down before returning to caress the side of his plush thigh, the movement slow and intimate like the soft kisses on his shoulders that didn't leave nor stop.

His body felt weak, his legs as if quivering with each stroke of the big palms. Like he was drawn, Baekhyun leaned his body backwards on the tall figure behind him with relent. 

It was the broad firm chest and strong arms wrapping around him — embracing him like it was supposed to be , that left him breathless. Like he was at home — like he was safe, that betrayed everything that was his mind. 

He was close from losing himself; yet the hand that was about to circle his waist sounded the chimes in his head, prompting his own limp hands to weakly stop it before it could press against the skin of his stomach.

It was a sliver of fear — that rose at that second because Baekhyun felt like he wasn't ready; to let the person who had devoured every inch of his body countless times to notice, to let the person who was the father of his baby to touch his barely showing stomach.

So instead, Baekhyun lifted the hand and gently placed it just below his chest. 

The hand stayed there, with the other wrapping around him following below, calming Baekhyun when the embrace enclosed him fully. The gentle steam from the bathtub and the trickles of the water falling weakly above him pushed a sigh to leave his lips. 

But somehow, it wasn’t enough. 

Anything related to him was never enough for Baekhyun.

The receding kisses on his nape and the caressing touches on his skin weren't.

Baekhyun wanted to feel more, to be touched more. 

Even more once he heard the voice he had longed to hear for far too long.

“I’ve missed you, Baek.” 

Deep . His voice murmured on his skin was always deep — a whisper of low timbre that would always send shivers down Baekhyun's spine. Shivers that were sharper; more than what a sliver of cold air could do.

And maybe it was the heat finally getting to his head, maybe it was the desire in the tone whispered in his ears, but despite the fear echoing softly along with the sound of flowing water, Baekhyun didn’t fight when the hand under his chest moved higher, rough pads of fingers grazing against the sharp of his collar bones before trailing down, leaving his breath to hitch as a thumb slowly brushed against his sensitive pink nipple, circling softly like the teasing touch of a ghost.

And maybe it was the soft moan that left his rosy lips, indicating he was beginning to lose hold of his mind. But the grip on his waist tightened. And when the same hand that was on his chest moved to slightly brush open his lips, Baekhyun decided he didn’t want to think anymore as he closed his eyes, tilting his head to the side to the person behind him.

He knew well that the growth of his baby bump was almost impossible to notice. So, controlling his thoughts one more time, he wanted to let go of his fear and let himself just… feel.

Softly, Baekhyun parted his wet lips when another pair leaned down to press deeply against his, their lips moving slowly like the trickling water gliding down his skin. It was hot, the puffs of air left his chest breathless and dizzy — the sensation of the wet skin of his back pressed against the hard chest and defined stomach blurring his mind.

He couldn't protest, whimpers of soft moans left his glistening lips when the kisses took his breath away. He didn't resist, when the arms around him gently gripped his hips to turn him around. 

He didn't. 

Instead, Baekhyun let his arms fall on broad shoulders, skin warm and damp under his wet palms reaching up from the tall height.

The tight grip around his hips moved then, slowly trailing his skin along the water still dripping on his back. Calloused hand grazing his thighs while they kissed still, unparting even when it was getting harder to breathe.

Baekhyun whimpered, a high dragged out moan, when his body was pressed closed. His sensitive chest and flat stomach were against the hard body, pulled close by an arm wrapping around the back of his waist, as if knowing his legs would give up soon. 

Another whisper of a whimper left him, honeyed and heavy when a hardening member brushed against his own stiffness, grazing him like the thick fingers slowly massaging high on the inner-side of his legs, going up to the crease of his ass, teasing him with gentle grazes of thick fingers near his most private entrance.

His body shuddered as the longing in his chest was filled with the warmth he had missed for the past month, hazing his mind into a delirium. Like a dream he didn't want to get away from.

Baekhyun couldn't breathe. Each breath he had was devoured, eaten , as their lips melded against each other, deep wet kisses and licked bitten petals. 

Yet he didn't mind; the feeling of breathlessness, of pleasuring suffocation , only this person holding him could give. And as his mind was a second away from collapsing all the rationality he had left, the kiss finally stopped as he opened his eyes for the first time. Only to be entranced by dark hooded orbs.

"Chanyeol…"

Baekhyun opened his eyes to the sight of him as he breathed, looking right into Baekhyun with the same gaze that had made him powerless since the first time they touched.

Chanyeol's eyes were deep, captivating and burning him in his wake and leaving him in silence, searching his eyes like he always would every time they hadn't met for a while. It was like he wanted to make sure of how Baekhyun was — wanted to make sure of what he was feeling. And every time, Baekhyun would unravel himself bare to this person who was holding him so gently yet overwhelmingly.

It was moments like this that Baekhyun feared the most, the feeling of free falling again and again every time. 

It was a gaze as if Chanyeol was looking at him with affection.

His mind was telling him he needed to stop, rationality trying to break through into his head along with their broken kiss. That it wasn't true, that it never was. Chanyeol had made it clear before, and even until years later, he had never taken back anything he said. 

In it Baekhyun felt bittersweet; sweet how he would feel so warm and feel like he was drowning in affection, and bitter with the memories whispering in his head, reminding that Chanyeol was never truly his.

"You're early," With their breath mingling a touch away, lips swollen red and a small smile on Baekhyun’s face, he whispered. Hands still draped on the strong shoulders he loved to lean on the most. 

Chanyeol was leaning down, palms warm on Baekhyun’s small waist when he kissed Baekhyun again, this time chaste. "My flight was moved forward." A tilt of his lips on his face. 

"How are you?"

The question was earnest, genuine in concern. Yet Baekhyun could only laugh humorlessly in his mind. How that very question would seem ridiculous compared to what he had been through the past month. 

Coming to terms that he was now bearing a child was hard on its own; the endless arguments and pondering thoughts with himself could only recede in the first week after he somewhat came to terms with it. 

It was difficult, let alone handling and hiding his pregnancy symptoms from the employees of his company. Yet at the end of the day, Baekhyun was just exhausted . He felt lonely — alone , like he was doing everything solely by himself.

So, he wasn't lying when he answered Chanyeol’s question — despite the biggest truth he kept to himself.  

"...exhausted," Baekhyun whispered with the weight of everything burdening him. 

And like he expected, it was a gaze of subtle concern directed at him that his eyes met, along with the loud thump of his heart when he glanced up. But he didn’t need that to shake his already crumbling resolution faster. 

Averting his attention away, Baekhyun noticed Chanyeol’s dark brown hair that was barely wet before he mentioned, "Have you taken a shower after landing?"

In truth, Baekhyun didn't need to ask to know that Chanyeol went to him straight away after arriving in Korea. He just needed something to distract himself. Yet, it was acknowledging little gestures like this — coming home to meet him straightaway, that sometimes would confuse himself even more, as much as make him question every action of Chanyeol.

And in an attempt to dismiss his thoughts, Baekhyun ran his hand over the soft tresses, gently combing it back to reveal Chanyeol’s forehead and receiving a small smile from the taller. "I'm about to."

It was always like this. How seeing the small playful smile on Chanyeol’s face was enough of a reason for Baekhyun to ignore the constant gentle hurt in his heart that threaded along with the warmth only Chanyeol could give — it was enough to keep the reason to stop forgotten; forgotten just for a little longer each minute passed. 

Because every time, no matter how lonely he would feel after, it was worth it.

"Then let me." Softly pushing Chanyeol to switch where they stood, Baekhyun then pressed the water knob on to slightly wet Chanyeol's hair; turning it off and grabbing his shampoo before continuing to lather Chanyeol's hair.

And all the while, the taller just let him — leaning down his head even more to give Baekhyun leverage, a faint chuckle on his lips as he complied, hands still around Baekhyun's waist, teasing and rubbing the wet skin in a calming circular motion. 

In the end, he relently rested his forehead on Baekhyun's shoulder, hair rinsed while Baekhyun continued to slowly run his hands down his neck and back with lather of soap.

His motion was careful; like he didn’t want to break the calm and the little world they were in, like he was replying for the lustful touches Chanyeol previously gave him with innocence.

They still didn’t say a word, when Baekhyun placed his hands on the broad shoulder, movements halted.

Seeming to understand that it was getting difficult — like they had done this for too many times over the years, wordlessly the taller lifted his head and stood a breath away, gaze zeroed — focused only on Baekhyun, eyes meeting in the quiet they didn’t want to break. 

And yet, something else did.

It was the already weak reins Baekhyun had over his rationality and logic; thin threads that were pulled tight with tension until they snapped with each second he was in Chanyeol’s hold.

It was the look in Chanyeol's eyes that did it. While Baekhyun knew it couldn't be love, it wasn't just mere lust and desire. It was the warm gentle gaze that he wasn't too oblivious to dismiss that broke him.

It was unfair, how this person didn’t know of all the countless battles Baekhyun had lost all these years. 

And now, only to lose once again.

So Baekhyun didn't stop; even when he tore his gaze away like it was too much — like he would melt if he looked into Chanyeol’s eyes for too long.

Baekhyun didn't stop. Instead he continued. Captivation fast to grip him as he was no longer mindful of his doings.

Slowly, he slid his hands down across Chanyeol's broad shoulders and to his defined chest, eyes fixated when he lathered the skin further down, thin delicate fingers softly caressing chiseled abs and the dipped lines of Chanyeol’s front.

They didn’t say a word. 

And Baekhyun blamed the silence. 

He blamed the faint deep breath Chanyeol took, chest rising in an intake to control himself. 

He blamed the warmth, heating his neck down to coil in his core when his hand slowly roamed further down past defined waist — when his fingertips trailed down to the dip of Chanyeol's V-line softly. 

Baekhyun blamed the lust clouding his mind when he licked his lips. 

He blamed the dark look of desire boring into him, when his fingertips carefully grazed the hard thick length of Chanyeol’s member — his touches delicate, his strokes slow, like the feather kisses pressed on his skin earlier.

Baekhyun slid his hands down, letting the long shaft press against his soft wet palms, eyes looking at every movement of his fingers and every slip of the hardness in his hand before a gentle grip on his wrist halted him. 

"I thought you were tired." Chanyeol's voice was deep, rough and bordering to break into carnality — a breathless heave he took, before a look that was too close to defeat against his self-control was in his eyes, lined with lust and concern. 

Chanyeol was always a gentleman, always minding Baekhyun’s condition despite the want and desire too evidently shown. Always waiting for Baekhyun’s consent. 

But that was what made it harder.

As his chest rose high and fell deep from the hot steam, as his lungs and stomach felt warm from something coiling in tension, Baekhyun's skin felt empty ; void of Chanyeol’s touch.

As he felt something fracture in his mind, Chanyeol made it harder.

Because now, it was Baekhyun's choice . 

His decision; his consent, to fall again and again into the same cycle of heartbreak and hope.

It wasn’t just Chanyeol's fault, it was also Baekhyun's.

“You’re hard.” So for the last time, he tried to reason; from stuttered breath and whispered words. 

Because it was Baekyun who had lost all his composure and the logic he tried to gather for the past month. It was him who was trying to find something to blame for his behaviour — for his desire.

Everything was building up — every stroke of Chanyeol’s fingers, every press of kiss on his wet skin; they all hazed him, weighing him to shatter and relent to the knotting want, frustrating him to break.

“Not enough reason.” And the words that left Chanyeol’s lips would make it all Baekhyun’s fault when he fell into his lust and temptation. Just like the grip on his wrist that loosened, as if Baekhyun’s was free to choose.

This man was cruel, Baekhyun bitterly smiled in his mind. Acting like he took no part, acting like he didn’t want the same or even more. 

Acting like he wasn’t the one who would take, ravish, break Baekhyun again and again.

And yet, despite it, Baekhyun stepped closer, slithering his hand on Chanyeol’s shoulder as their breath mingled closer, their lips a touch away from a kiss.

Because as the big palms began to slowly knead his plush bottom, subtly reeling him closer, who was he fooling? 

For as bitter as it was, Baekhyun knew he had lost from the first press of Chanyeol’s warm lips on his neck.

And in the end, it was Baekhyun who admitted defeat to his heart once again.

Thus in a hush so close from fading, like a mist that would disappear along with their lips that brushed, Baekhyun desired.

“I want you.”

And maybe, it was the lingering touches on his body. Maybe it was Chanyeol's gaze that devoured him mindless. 

Maybe it was because Baekhyun told himself this would be the last. 

But Baekhyun wanted Chanyeol. 

And with the reasons he had laid down in his mind, it was as if his cravings were justified. Even when it was a lie. 

When tomorrow would come, he would regret it. 

But not now.

So instead, he threaded delicate fingers in Chanyeol’s wet tresses, gently pulling him down whilst the grip that moved to the flushed skin of his hips pressed deeper.

“ Gently ," Baekhyun's voice came as a soft whisper.

Because for years, Baekhyun had admitted it was his sin — his weakness, how he would fall again and again for the same man and for the same heartbreak that would leave him burning and cold afterwards.

" Do me gently ."

And with a flutter of eyes closing, a deep press of a wet kiss — lips finally slotted in slow strokes of burning fever, 

It was from the beginning all over again.

Because as he lost himself in oblivion and ignorance, 

“Chanyeol-”

As he breathed in the pleasuring suffocation and delirium, 

It was still the only sentence he could say all these years. 

"I've missed you too."

And it was the last coherent thing Baekhyun could remember saying.

In a blur of motions and between breathless long kisses, Baekhyun didn't have the chance to pause and grasp, when suddenly he was hoisted up by Chanyeol — his arms effortlessly tightened around Baekhyun's thighs as his legs wrapped around Chanyeol's waist while the two washed the little remaining soap on their skin.

Water trailed down their pressed bodies, trickling along their shoulders and arms, down to the thick fingers firmly kneading the soft skin of Baekhyun's ass down to his supple upper thighs, pushing moans to leave swollen lips still staying to catch a breath.

Baekhyun could no longer register, body almost limp when Chanyeol parted their lips while carefully carrying him in his arms outside the bathroom, before gently laying him down on the center of the still perfectly made bed.

The soft sheets and cold air against his heated skin dizzied him, the stark contrast leaving him in a sharp daze as he blinked his eyes to adjust to the dark and Chanyeol’s figure parted from him.

His chest heaved, slightly breathless from the sudden cold filling his lungs, eyes hung on Chanyeol who with unhurried leisure opened his nightstand beside the bed. 

With each second that passed, Baekhyun began to grasp the absence of warmth from the other, and the whine of complaint was instinctively on the tip of his lips. It was like no turning back, when he had fallen and his mind lost in the dark of pleasure, Baekhyun no longer had any reason to hold back.

Yet, Baekhyun didn't have the chance to voice out his loss when Chanyeol returned seconds later, kneeling in front of Baekhyun's legs with a bottle of lube thrown beside him.

And when their eyes met, it was like the heat from the steaming water returned, suffocating his chest warm as deep brown orbs bore into him — as if they were pinning him down weakly on the bed. 

Chanyeol looked at Baekhyun, eyes half-lidded, heavy with arousal that reflected the same in Baekhyun's own. Dark and prepared, like he knew what he would do, like he knew how to break Baekhyun into nothing more than a moaning mess. 

And he was right — as he inched closer, hooking his hands beneath Baekhyun’s knees and spreading his legs open before settling himself between Baekhyun’s gently quivering body; he was right. 

Chanyeol was always amazing in bed — always knew what to do to drive Baekhyun insane, what to do to push him on the edge. He just never realized that as he broke Baekhyun's body in pleasure, he broke Baekhyun's heart along with it too. And it was all his own choice.

Through hazed eyes, Baekhyun watched the calmer rise of Chanyeol's chest as the taller loomed over him, damp skin with water still trailing down his defined muscles. And immediately, Baekhyun felt the same security of being caged under him flood him. The same feeling of safety as when he was in Chanyeol’s embrace.

But Baekhyun wanted more. He wanted more than just that. He wanted more to the point that it was enough to not make him feel anything other than the feeling of Chanyeol around him, inside him and filling him. 

Baekhyun was selfish, he always had been. He was even selfish towards himself. And it was this greed that he acknowledged that pushed him to act recklessly all these years.

Like a child with a sole wish, Baekhyun draped his thin arms around Chanyeol’s shoulders before pulling him down to meld their lips together, the softness of Chanyeol’s lips stroking his swollen ones. There was need in his motion, gentle nips and licks as their kiss deepened, like he was telling Chanyeol he wanted him already. 

Still, the feeling of Chanyeol’s body hovering just an inch away from him coiled an itch in his stomach, before it all disappeared when a hand was pressed on his waist, covering his heated damp skin only to softly stroke down.

Their kiss didn’t break — Baekhyun being drowned in Chanyeol’s presence and touches he had missed made him pay no mind to the breath he was quickly losing. 

It was the knead of a palm on his left hip, going down to the back of his thigh before gently tracing the skin of his inner thigh that left his breath to hitch, blanking him for a second to respond to Chanyeol’s lips. 

But it was nothing, nothing compared to the single skip of his heart beat when the hand trailed deeper, further tracing his skin before the calloused blunt fingertips grazed on his most sensitive entrance like a shy greeting kiss.

Baekhyun’s body softly jolted, chest falling and rising deeply as a 

 whine left his muffled lips just from the single teasing touch, moans devoured by Chanyeol who didn’t stop sucking and prodding open Baekhyun’s lips. 

He wasn’t to blame, when the place he hadn’t touched for the past month twitched in anticipation, to be stretched full, to be filled to the brim by the only one he desired. 

Baekhyun was breathless, puffs of white leaving his lips into the cold air, mind dazed and eyes almost losing focus when their kiss broke. A soft low whine sounded on his throat at the sudden loss of touch and warmth after the body on top of him pulled away, only to be replied with a deep almost winded voice of Chanyeol’s.

“ Patience, baby .” And that was enough for Baekhyun to submit to everything of Chanyeol as he took in deeper breaths.

He felt bare, shameless , body presented and exposed with his legs spread wide and folded beside Chanyeol's hips — exposing every inch of his hairless soft body to devouring eyes and cold air.

The older was kneeling between Baekhyun, his big stature looming over him while his fully erected shaft was too close to Baekhyun's pink entrance, rim still twitching in impatience at the deep gaze looking at it with intensity.

Baekhyun watched Chanyeol take the bottle of lube and cover his middle finger to prepare him. Thus it shouldn't come as a surprise when his puckered rim was circled slowly by the wet thick fingertip before gently, Chanyeol probed his most sensitive area and slid his finger inside in a slow motion.

Baekhyun bit down a whine, hands gripping the sheets beneath him as his chest heaved, eyes locked with Chanyeol's burning stare that was watching every emotion that ran past Baekhyun's features.

The digit prying him open was thick and long inside Baekhyun's warm clenching walls, fingering him in shallow thrust to slick his insides that was already beginning to wet on it's own. 

"Fuck, you're tight ," Chanyeol complimented in a low groan, finger pushing deeper with each thrust.

Baekhyun didn't want to admit that it had been too long since anything filled him; wouldn't let Chanyeol know that he was always the last one to touch Baekhyun. He wouldn't let Chanyeol know that everything of him was his to use and own. 

He had given everything to him, and what he had left was only his pride. So he bit his lips instead.

Baekhyun also didn't want to moan just from this; to show that just this was enough to make him a mess like this.

But it was hard; when Chanyeol continued with his ministrations, he leaned down and kissed Baekhyun deeply again, eating his moans away from him — tongue coaxing him to play while his other free hand roamed across Baekhyun's body, brushing against his perked nipple that was too sensitive since his pregnancy.

It was hard; that when he was reaching to grip Chanyeol's shoulder, he couldn't hold back his sharp intake of breath, jerking softly at the sudden feeling of being stretched wider when Chanyeol inserted his second finger inside his walls that began to drip from the lube and self-lubrication, the wetness began to dribble down the crease of his ass.

His moan was long like a tired whine, the familiarity he missed came quickly along with the feeling of his hole being stretched open as he hid his face on Chanyeol's shoulder, his huffs of breath warming his flushed face.

But Chanyeol didn't mind, acting like he wasn't making Baekhyun a quivering mess under him. Instead he continued to press kisses behind Baekhyun's ears, nibbling on pale soft skin as he trailed down, sucking gently and licking the damp neck as his hand fingered Baekhyun in a continuous waves, curving deep, stroking — coaxing his cunt to prepare for something bigger and longer, to prepare for him .

It was Baekhyun's fault, asking for gentle, only to be given both that and slow. Because by the time Chanyeol had three fingers inside Baekhyun, slick dripping down his hand as he pumped and stretched his hole, his limbs shaking and chest heaving erratically while Chanyeol sucked on his swollen nipples; Baekhyun was close from screaming — from releasing the coil tightening in his lower stomach everytime Chanyeol's finger managed to teasingly brush against a sweet spot deep within him, pushing drops of precum to pool on the slit of his stiff and aching cock. 

"C-Chanyeol… please- n-no more-"

It was the last words Baekhyun was coherent enough to form as his mind began to daze into white.

"But you look beautiful like this, Baek."

And the deep voice whispering in his ears sounding prideful and satisfied was the last he could make out, before the thick fingers pressed still a few seconds longer, deeper against a spot in his sweet insides, breaking the tension in his muscles into spasms and made spurts of cum paint Baekhyun's chest as his lips choked a muffled scream against Chanyeol's shoulder, legs quivering as his hips stuttered to chase his orgasm on the fingers that began pumping inside him.

Yet it was too much. With his ears buzzing and eyes blurred from his first release in a month, his muscles slowly began to go lax as the white that ripped through his body still colored behind his eyelids, it was too much. 

"Chanyeol- wait, please-"

The over stimulation that forced his wet cunt to clench and his body to tense again, was.

But it did stop; the fingers stroking inside him halted before pulling away, leaving his stretched hole empty and slightly gaping.

Baekhyun almost regretted — a few seconds and he almost begged to be filled again, if not for the daze and high thrumming through his chest down to his legs had yet to recede — spasms deep in his stomach still pulsing from the previous orgasm.

Through blurry wet eyes, Baekhyun blinked away the delirium from his vision the moment Chanyeol stopped, disliking the absence of warmth on him — in him as the man on top of him pulled away his body. 

Yet, the sight that greeted him after he could make out the figure still kneeling between his legs made him want to cry.

With his hand covered in lube and Baekhyun's thick orgasm, Chanyeol began to stroke his already hard shaft into full length, slicking his thick cock standing proudly in his palm, a small hazed smirk on his face as their eyes locked.

Baekhyun hated it; how with just a stare Chanyeol was able to render him speechless — compliant , body trembling again when Chanyeol placed his hands behind Baekhyun's thighs, massaging his weak legs while he spread him open wide. This time for him .

A mewl was quick on his throat — a form of weak helpless protest as the strings on his body began to tense again against his will when the taller moved closer, hooking his legs over his broad shoulders. 

Baekhyun gripped Chanyeol's kneeling thighs beside his hips, nails digging into the damp skin when the warm blunt tip of Chanyeol's cock began to circle his entrance, wet and slippery as the head rubbed and gently pried his throbbing cunt open, teasing him by barely entering the head before pulling away to slide up and press his cock on the skin beneath Baekhyun's leaking member. 

He hadn't come down from his high and the coil in his stomach had already begun to tighten again.

Baekhyun begged. 

His whimper came out whorish even in his ears, and as much as he couldn’t help it, he was embarrassed. He didn't know what his cries were for, yet the urge to plead and cry was thick in his chest. 

Maybe it was the want and peak that hadn't been fully fulfilled yet, maybe it was the bubbling pleasure that clouded him, maybe it was the overwhelm still thick in his ears, but Baekhyun felt both the impatience and suffocation from Chanyeol that he had missed.

Because Baekhyun didn’t just want to come, he wanted to be fucked raw by Chanyeol. And to know he wasn’t the only one who had the same desire helped him ease the alarm chiming in his head.

Baekhyun could hear the low voice of Chanyeol's groan every time the crown of his cock brushed deeper in his hole, wetting his already wet rim with the leaking cum from his slit that rubbed on his twitching entrance. With each second, his patience was running thin, and the want to feel the burn of being stretched was itching him. 

But Chanyeol knew; and the little smirk he had on his face as he gripped Baekhyun’s thighs wide open was too quick to be registered in his dazed mind when Chanyeol positioned his thick shaft and began to slide inside his cunt in one slow swift motion. 

A high pitched scream bubbled in Baekhyun’s chest at the deep penetration, too abrupt his moan was choked in his throat as his eyes glistened wide with tears when he could feel every ring of muscle inside him pried open, — burning as he was stretched so suddenly to embrace and welcome the long girth rubbing against his walls. It was hot , Chanyeol's cock was melting his insides to mold around him.

Too good, it felt too good.

Baekhyun whimpered — chest heaving as he tried to calm himself when he heard the deep growl low in Chanyeol’s chest as he bottomed out completely — hilt buried deep inside the clenching cunt dripping out slick at the rim. 

“ Fuck.” Chanyeol’s exhale became deeper as he stilled, letting Baekhyun adjust to the size of his length.

 “You’re so fucking tight- ” And a small sharp gasp escaped Baekhyun’s lips when Chanyeol gave a small thrust of his hips before he stilled again, burying his cock a little bit deeper — the tip of his shaft kissing his sweet spot in a promised greeting before he settled unmoving with a small satisfied grin on his face when Baekhyun could do nothing but moan loudly at the gesture.

But every second felt too long. Baekhyun could feel the girth throbbing inside him, thick veins rubbing his walls just from the little shifts of Chanyeol breathing on top of him, his hips grinding his ass cheeks.

“ Chanyeol- please-” he rasped out, voice soft and bordering on desperation; desperation to feel Chanyeol — impatience after waiting for someone he shouldn’t. 

“Please- move-” Even when the cock filling him full to the brim made it seem impossible for him to move — so full there was no space left in his cunt, locking him down to still.

Because Baekhyun wanted to be fucked into oblivion, where he could no longer think and he could just forget everything he shouldn’t.

“But you look beautiful being desperate like this.” 

Yet before Baekhyun could beg, contradicting his words said with a faint smirk and hooded eyes, Chanyeol began moving his hips — slowly thrusting into Baekhyun with leisure, like he had all the time in the world.

Baekhyun ran his nails on Chanyeol thighs, needing something to grip as he began to lose himself again; an effort to take hold of his trembling body from the waves of pleasure every time Chanyeol’s cock buried deep into him.

A long whine left along with his exhale when the man above him would halt for a second longer every time his slow thrust had reached the hilt, pushing his blunt tip to press against the sweet spot far inside and making Baekhyun’s breath hitch before pulling out and thrusting inside again and again. 

And each time, Baekhyun’s throbbing walls would squeeze around the velvet skin of Chanyeol’s member.

“You missed me that much, Baek?” Chanyeol’s voice was almost breathless and hinted with mirth. “Your cunt is sucking me in so well... Just for me ,” Accentuating his sincerity with a rather rough thrust before he returned to his gentle pace.

Baekhyun was about to lose his mind. And with each heavy slow drag of the cock sliding in and out massaging his womb, Baekhyun could barely make any more reason. 

Yet still it wasn’t enough — even when Chanyeol’s thrusts began to quicken, even when Baekhyun’s body began to sharply arch from the onslaught of overwhelming pleasure.

And Chanyeol knew.

As his pace picked up, the taller leaned down, wrapping his right hand beneath Baekhyun arched back to slightly leverage his waist, while his other arm was placed beside Baekhyun’s head as he leaned down. 

Chanyeol kissed the edge of Baekhyun’s lips as a notice, pressing soft pecks without warning before he began to devour the pink lips parted in submission — Baekhyun too blissfully mindless and fucked as he tangled his tongue with the man fucking him still, his hips fast yet languid in motion while Baekhyun's body shook and trembled with each thrust.

But still it wasn't enough.

Along with the burning pulses deep in his stomach every time his hole was stretched open as Chanyeol rammed his cock inside his most intimate place; so was the frustration at the constant pace that didn’t increase after a long while — pace that was enough to string his senses and body to near insanity, yet not enough to break him completely into nothing.

So Baekhyun begged again, to make Chanyeol help him reach his high, to make Chanyeol finish inside him. Baekhyun begged again until Chanyeol would listen. 

And as if the man above him finally complied to his cries, the snap of his hips was becoming sharper and deeper than the last — the slapping sound as he thrusted inside balls deep mixing along with Baekhyun’s moans as finally he was given what he wanted.

Feeling the muscles of his stomach began to coil, Baekhyun couldn't help but to plant his nails on Chanyeol’s strong back, arching his back as his sweet spot was abused, pounded without a second to breathe. 

Like pure white ecstasy that shot up when Chanyeol began to thrust his hips harder, Baekhyun could feel his walls tightening up, his body taut before he began to quiver. 

And with one last strong thrust, Baekhyun came. The high dizzied him enough to make him feel as if he was floating. The way Chanyeol rode his climax slowly after he came inside him a few thrusts later, milking himself inside his tight walls that were still twitching from pleasure. 

Falling beside him, Chanyeol gathered Baekhyun in his arms, looking into his eyes before he gave a small smile before he touched their foreheads together and kissed Baekhyun's lips gently. 

“I’ve missed having you in my arms,”

And Baekhyun melted, pressing himself closer in the daze of his affection and the high of his fulfilled desire, pressing his lips where he knew Chanyeol’s heart was beating loudly.

If only it was for him .

When they did it again and again afterwards, Baekhyun could only hope the morning wouldn’t arrive, and he wouldn’t be met with his reality so soon.

Because once again tonight, Baekhyun wanted to pretend that Chanyeol was his.

Baekhyun woke up with the cold early winter air brushing his skin, the gentle morning sun outside his closed eyelids whispering for his slumber to crack. 

Softly fluttering his eyes open to adjust to the dim light as his memory pieced back together in his mind, it was the familiar rustle of the body under his arm and the thick comforter being pulled to cover his exposed shoulder that woke him.

“I figured you'd be cold.”

The skin of Chanyeol’s bare chest felt warm under his palm — his heartbeat calm along with the gentle heaves of his steady chest.

Contrary to his words, instead of the cold, for Baekhyun it was the depth of Chanyeol’s morning voice — rough and low, that sent touches of shivers down his body and further. 

Yet it felt nice, waking up with him still held in Chanyeol’s arms. His head laid on the broad shoulder while his nose pressed on the crook of his neck.

Without a reply on his lips, Baekhyun closed his eyes again, prolonging this bliss of comfort by weakly tightening his tired arm around Chanyeol’s torso, draping his leg on Chanyeol’s own before snuggling his nose deeper into the taller’s neck.

A small rumble of a low chuckle then vibrated under his palm at his action, pulling a small tilt on Baekhyun’s own lips before a sigh followed — of the soothing familiarity when a big hand began caressing and rubbing circles on the soft skin of his thigh draped on Chanyeol's stomach.

Baekhyun couldn't deny that his heart felt full, brimming with overwhelm and serenity that had gone absent for too long. Soft sheets and warm skin embraced him in comfort, gentle thrum of satisfaction and coursing pleasure still thick in his veins from last night’s rounds.

But again, it was always like this.

It was hard to stop this addicting cycle. Because before his heavy loneliness and regret came much later, it was this: waking up in the arms of the person he loved for far too long already, pretending that Chanyeol was his even for a while.

Just for now, Baekhyun wanted to ignore everything — the consequences and upcoming heartbreak.

He wanted to just relish in Chanyeol. And he was thankful the man was oblivious when his voice never carried a weight like his own.

“What do you want to do today?” Chanyeol’s voice broke his thoughts away. And Baekhyun was glad he did.

“Sleep... It’s Saturday, and I’m tired,” Baekhyun mumbled as he hid himself deeper from the peeking sunlight outside his drapes, pressing his nose and lips on the warm skin of the man under him.

“That sounds nice. I think I’ll join you.” Not long after the statement, the hand on Baekhyun’s thigh tightened, pulling his leg to hike higher as the taller shifted his body to the side, facing Baekhyun; positioning his leg to wrap around Chanyeol’s bare hips.

A content sigh left Baekhyun’s lips at the new weight of an arm draped over his waist. “You don’t have anything planned for today?” he murmured.

“Nope. Just a suit fitting in the afternoon for the Winter Gala next week. Other than that I’m free until tomorrow.” Chanyeol buried his face in Baekhyun’s disheveled hair smelling like vanilla. “You’re coming right? I know you’re invited too.”

Yet at that Baekhyun paused. “I am. But… I don't know, actually.” 

Quickly, his sleepy mind tried to form the scattered words he had prepared the past week. “I’m not feeling well. I think I’m just going to rest.”

If it was before he knew he was pregnant, Baekhyun would go without a second thought. Only people of high success, popularity, and influence could be invited to the Winter Gala — a glamorous event held in the most luxurious hotel and ballroom to mark a person’s milestone if invited. And if Baekhyun was to attend this year too, it would be his third time attending. 

But after he found out he was carrying, he decided he wouldn’t. Other than the extreme exhaustion he would experience, where he would need to wait until the peak of the event that somehow was decided to be at the stroke of midnight, he was worried people would ask why he wasn’t drinking or mingling. 

Not just attending, but he had to put up a front; to act perfect and faultless in front of those people who felt like they were at the top of the world — their laughter and haughtiness showed how much they prized themselves to be there.

And while not everyone was like that— Baekhyun regarding himself and Chanyeol not included, it was the eyes that would follow him everywhere that halted him; moreover Chanyeol.

The man hugging him close with his arms draped warmly around Baekhyun’s waist wasn’t just anybody. After seven years of entering the entertainment world since he was twenty years old, Chanyeol was easily known throughout the world. The amount of fans and admirers he had all over the globe was still dumbfounding to Baekhyun, even when he had known the artist before then.

In those years, Chanyeol had risen from being a street model with a side dream of becoming a singer, into the person he was today. A praised soloist with both talent in composing music and acting. His most recent self-made collaborations with other singers like Oh Sehun — a friend of theirs and another world performer, had garnered more attention along with guaranteed success even before their album and tour started. And now, it was almost impossible for anyone to have never heard his name. His fourth invitation to the Winter Gala was expected.

“That’s a shame. I was about to ask you to be my date if you are.” There was a light disappointment in Chanyeol's voice at the rejection.

But that was it. Last year Baekhyun had been Chanyeol's date for the Gala too; and it was easy to say he couldn't even breathe without scrutiny of the people who wanted to see the person at the pinnacle of fame brought as a date.

This year, it might be even harder if he came as Chanyeol's date again.

“Sorry.” Regardless, Baekhyun felt bad. Because despite his reasons, he had wanted to go if not for his new circumstances. But it was risky. And Baekhyun decided that maybe he should just play safe.

“It’s okay. Maybe I’ll bail early and be with you here instead,” Chanyeol dismissed lightly. 

And it was enough to ease Baekhyun, to feel something in his chest throb with something overwhelmingly warm; to think Chanyeol was considering leaving early to be with him instead.

“That... would be nice.” Pressing the small smile on his face against Chanyeol's chest, Baekhyun thought it would be nice to just spend the night everyone waited for with just each other.

And with the thought that was comforting enough, the lulling silence that came afterwards was about to pull Baekhyun into sleep again — a second before his eyes were closed for good as the warmth around him was coaxing him to slumber, when Chanyeol's voice halted him awake.

“Hey, Baek,” the taller said, a hint of mirth in his deep voice still heavy from sleep.

“Hmm?”

“I want you to dress me for the Gala.”

This time, the sleep in his eyes almost left Baekhyun as he pried his eyes open and blinked at the sureness and request that came out of nowhere.

“Dress you?” the designer repeated. “Don't you have hundreds of brands waiting for you?”

Baekhyun might own a widely-known brand that catered to many genres of fashion, but he was sure that his clothes were incomparable to the pioneers of luxury brands that had Chanyeol on top of their list.

“I can always say no to them," Chanyeol said easily, propping up the elbow beneath Baekhyun's head before he half loomed over Baekhyun with a boyish grin; as if he wouldn't insult anybody if he did. "But, only if you have time.”

Baekhyun looked at Chanyeol's eyes, confused. “I do.. But... Why? My clothes won’t dress you as well as theirs could.”

“That’s nonsense, Baek. There’s a reason you became this famous this soon. I love your streetwear collection, I wear it all the time. ”

Still, it wasn't enough of a reason. Wearing his comfortable streetwear and asking him to prepare a suit beautiful enough for the royal themed Winter Gala was different.

While Baekhyun did mention to Chanyeol that he made a few suits with the required theme for them months before — after in the previous Galas he was stared hard and judged enough for what he was wearing, it was merely his doing. He knew Chanyeol would receive important offers.

Besides, he couldn't take the credit that his company became famous all because of himself.

“I would have believed you if you weren't my first model for my brand,” Baekhyun retorted.

And at the half hearted reply, Chanyeol laughed softly. “I have nothing to do with your success. I helped you years before I was famous.” Yet the smile on Chanyeol's face turned into a smirk when he leaned down — his body half hovering over Baekhyun, nipping the soft earlobe before he whispered, voice low.

“Besides, you should like dressing me as much as you like to undress me.”

Of course he would need to say that, knowing well it would blush his skin warm in embarrassment and defeat .

“Fine. But I still don’t get why you want me to do it.” In relent, Baekhyun grunted under his breath.

"If you aren't there to accompany me, at least your clothes will." With Baekhyun's head still resting on his arm, Chanyeol returned to lay on the pillows with a small grin on his face. “And also, I miss wearing clothes you make just for me.”

A soft groan of defeat left Baekhyun's lips, muttered under his breath before he turned to bury his face in Chanyeol's neck again.

“Fine. Let’s drop by the studio this evening. I’ll ask someone to get the suits ready.”

A light chuckle then chided in his ears. “Great." Satisfaction was playful in his voice. "Then, what should we do for now? Go back to sleep?” 

But with the fitting for Chanyeol's clothes still fresh in his mind, the heavy traces of sleep went away and were replaced with the calls he would need to make if they were going to drop by his atelier later that evening. 

So, with a list of things in mind, Baekhyun decided maybe he could resume his sleep later after he settled things. “Um, breakfast?”

And a small grin broke on Chanyeol’s face. He couldn’t lie, he was hungry after all the rigorous exercise from last night, and added the dinner he skipped to go straight to Baekhyun’s apartment, “Okay, let’s cook.”

Yet a weak hand hooked around Chanyeol's stomach, halting him who was already sitting upright.

“ We cook, you clean.” It wasn't actually a fair preposition. But life never was.

“Whatever you want, princess.” The smile in his voice relented to Baekhyun's demands. Chanyeol was always nice whenever he knew Baekhyun was tired — be it from work or sex; he would always pamper Baekhyun even at times he himself was tired. For that Baekhyun was always grateful.

Standing up from the bed, Chanyeol lifted the covers away from his body before Baekhyun followed along with a groan, muscles still sore after not using them in a while. Yet as he was busy stretching his limbs, without warning Chanyeol slid his arms around Baekhyun’s waist and under his knees, lifting the smaller high up as a yelp left him in surprise. 

“Chanyeol!” Immediately, Baekhyun wrapped his arms around Chanyeol’s shoulder to halt himself from falling. His legs immediately secured around the taller’s waist while the arms supporting the smaller were comfortable gripping his thighs littered with fresh love bites. 

“My bad.” But the easy grin on his face wasn’t even trying to be apologetic as he squeezed Baekhyun’s behind. 

Another yelp left him again, however, when warm lips that aligned with his chest sucked his still swollen niples, earning Chanyeol a gentle smack on the shoulder as he chuckled while walking straight to Baekhyun’s walk-in-closet to grab something to cover them for the time being, trails of laughter following them.

In the end — and quite expectedly, it was only Chanyeol who cooked, flipping blueberry pancakes while Baekhyun merely watched while sitting on the white marble countertop with a sleepy gaze and a shirt too big to not fall off his shoulders, yet too little to cover his thighs.

The whole time, Baekhyun was just grateful the wafting aroma of pancake didn’t trigger his morning sickness. It was why Baekhyun decided to stay back and just watch, preparing to run back to his room whenever he felt nauseous — that was if he was to reason his defense. He would also be lying if he said he wasn’t enjoying the sight of Chanyeol cooking shirtless with nothing but a pair of baggy sweatpants hanging too low on his hips.

“Take a picture, it lasts longer,” Chanyeol teased without looking as he flipped yet another perfect looking pancake.

Baekhyun knew the man was smug. Still, he found no harm in being honest. “I’m just appreciating what I'm seeing.”

Who wouldn't, when Korea's prided soloist and artist was cooking in your kitchen for you, half-naked.

“As you should. Only you get to have breakfast made by me with a view like this.” And Chanyeol was always a confident man, always knew his worth and his advances despite being humble and appreciative.

But even then, Baekhyun couldn't help the warmth that bloomed in his chest along with a conflicted feeling at knowing that Chanyeol only did this exclusively for him. That, maybe, Baekhyun was the only one. Yet the doubt was heavier than the certainty. With a smile on his face that brushed away his thoughts, Baekhyun replied with a chuckle. 

“Cocky bastard.”

“And yet you want me still.”

And he was glad Chanyeol was busy cooking with his back towards Baekhyun. 

"Maybe I do."

Because the singer didn't have the chance to see Baekhyun's eyes that dimmed as the night's spell was slowly broken with his confession.

The plate was beginning to stack high with pancakes and the batter in the glass bowl was almost empty when a rather loud ringing came from Baekhyun's bedroom. 

Instantly recognizing the ringtone, Baekhyun spoke from the counter. “Chanyeol, your phone is ringing.”

But instead of rushing to get the ringing device, Chanyeol merely turned to lazily grin at Baekhyun, his hands still occupied.

“Can you pick it up for me? It’s probably Junmyeon. Only he would call me at 8 A.M. on a break.”

Hearing the name of Chanyeol's manager who was also their friend, Baekhyun carefully hopped from the counter — movements still sluggish as a soft groan was on his lips at the request to move his sore body, earning him a deep chuckle from Chanyeol who continued to flip another pancake.

Upon reaching his room, Baekhyun followed the sound to find the phone on the coffee table not far from his bed. Glancing at the screen, it was surely Junmyeon. Quickly, he picked up the phone.

“Hello,” Baekhyun started.

“Chanyeol- ….who’s this? ...Baekhyun?” The manager halted upon hearing a different voice than he expected.

“Junmyeon, hey." A slight chuckle in Baekhyun's tone. "Yeah, it’s me. Chanyeol’s cooking so he told me to pick up.”

“Baekhyun. Haven't heard from you for a while." Junmyeon's voice turned light, familiarity in his tone.

"Anyway, don't want to bother you for too long. But can you tell Chanyeol to look over the scripts and tell me when he already decides?"  

At that Baekhyun merely hummed in understanding before Junmyeon continued. "Just tell him that. He knows what I’m talking about already.”

“Okay, I will." Baekhyun began to leave the bedroom and head to the kitchen again. "Anything else?”

“No, that's it. Just tell him to do so before Monday, and for him to rest well. Thanks Baekhyun, I’ll leave it to you.”

“Of course. You have a good rest too.” 

"Thanks, Baekhyun. Bye." And the call ended.

Chanyeol was pouring maple syrup on two stacks of pancakes when Baekhyun returned, the taller's phone in his hand. Yet before he could mention anything about the call, Chanyeol was already carrying the plates off the counter in his hands, a satisfied look on his face before he noticed Baekhyun standing not far from the kitchen.

"Baek, I’m done. Should we eat in the movie room? I kind of feel like watching something.” 

“Sure.” With a nod, Baekhyun followed the man from behind, walking towards the movie room they often spent time in.

Placing the plates on the table at the foot of the white couch big enough to be a bed, Chanyeol then looked for the remote to turn on the wide flat TV as he asked lightly.

“So, who was it?” He asked before he plopped on the couch beside Baekhyun. And seconds later, came the familiar sound of Netflix starting up filling the room.

“Junmyeon. He said to look over the scripts and tell him before Monday if you want to do it,” Baekhyun said mindlessly, handing over the phone to Chanyeol who then leisurely opened his phone to scroll through his messages.

There was silence as Chanyeol read the expectedly multiple unread texts, before he acknowledged Baekhyun’s words. “Ah, that. Okay.” At the easy affirmation, somehow something left Baekhyun slightly queasy in his seat. 

With the taller still reading, Baekhyun stayed silent by his side, shoulders leaning on Chanyeol’s sturdy body, only to lay his head on his friend’s shoulder before he closed his eyes despite the lack of sleepiness. But at the gesture and the warm weight on his body, Chanyeol stopped looking at his phone to reach his hand out, brushing away the hair strands falling over Baekhyun's face.

“Go ahead and eat first before it’s cold. I’m gonna reply to some messages. I could do them later, but the sooner the better.”

Knowing Baekhyun wouldn’t listen unless he did it for him, Chanyeol took the plate and placed it on Baekhyun’s lap; chuckling when Baekhyun muttered a soft ‘thank you’ before he began eating and scrolled through the movie options.

In the end, Baekhyun decided to put on a new Christmas romcom that had nothing but good life morals and probably pretty festive lights and heart warming family drama.

Almost halfway through his plate, Chanyeol began to receive some incoming calls — the people he replied to probably thought that Chanyeol was available for immediate phone calls. Not wanting to disturb Baekhyun and to hear the other person better, Chanyeol had excused himself for a moment whereas Baekhyun merely smiled joking he wouldn't be going anywhere.

Baekhyun was mostly done with his breakfast when Chanyeol returned with a sigh. Dropping his tall and heavy body on the couch before leaning to grab his own plate of pancakes and placing it on his right lap.

Yet as if it was second nature, he opened his left arm as an invitation which Baekhyun reflexively accepted by crawling into Chanyeol’s side and throwing his bare legs on the unoccupied lap.

“Are you going to star in another movie?” With Chanyeol's arm wrapping snuggly around his small waist, Baekhyun found comfort in laying his head on Chanyeol’s shoulder as the taller ate with one hand.

“That’s the plan.” Chanyeol cut through his pancakes. “But I want to look over it thoroughly first. Got to know what I'm getting into for the next few months. They heard I’m taking a long break from touring and going out of the country. So I got the offers a few weeks ago,” he said without weight, eyes on the TV after he took another bite.

“There're two?"

And from the side, Chanyeol didn’t see Baekhyun’s eyes that flashed dim for a second before they returned to a pair of eyes that spoke of no disappointment and fracturing expectation. 

“Yeah.” He hummed. “I think one is about the life of an adopted heir of a successful company, who finds out that his real parents were accidentally killed by his adoptive ones because of a business scheme that somehow impacted badly. A lot of drama and some action, maybe. I don't know, haven't really checked it." He paused.

"And the second one, a former cop and detective who turned to work in a mafia for revenge after he got expelled for a case gone wrong he didn't do. And I think his lover was murdered by a close friend who betrayed him in the first place." He tried to recall. “What do you think? Which one do you like better?” 

Be it asking each other's opinion, or deciding on important things, those became something usual along the years for the two of them. 

Them becoming best friends wasn't just from sex. It was the late night talks, the casual conversation during breaks and free weekends, the consolation each other provided during hard times, that did.

People didn't know — and Baekhyun was the one who requested, but the one who picked the movie of Chanyeol's debut as an actor was Baekhyun. Through many late night talks and discussions, Baekhyun had thought the plot of Chanyeol's first movie was better than the other offers and the one Chanyeol's agency originally wanted. 

But this wasn't just one way.

Because before that, it was Chanyeol who helped Baekhyun pick and gather the clothes and designs for his debut clothing line showcase. In which, later on, Chanyeol himself decided to be one of the models despite Baekhyun not being able to pay the new rising star.

It was always like this. Despite the sexual favors being enough to bind them in a benefiting relationship, they were always more . Always sincerely attentive; as if the countless sex was just an addition.

Yet at the question Chanyeol just asked — instead of giving his honest opinion as usual, something in the back of Baekhyun's mind chided before it disappeared, replaced with a slight surprise at his own thoughts that came. ‘None. I'd rather you stay here with me.’

But Baekhyun couldn’t say that, despite that he accepted his thought to be the one he wanted to say. So he said the next best thing.

"That's a hard choice. Honestly, I like both the same. Both are my kind of movies." 

Maybe it was an attempt to hide the expression on his face that never leaked his emotions blatantly, maybe it was to feel that Chanyeol was still there, but Baekhyun buried his face in the crook of Chanyeol’s neck, circling his arms around Chanyeol’s torso.

"Then I guess I'll need to read them thoroughly first and decide." The arm around him dropped down to caress his bare thigh. "I haven't seen the location list for the shooting either."

That was then, when Baekhyun internally flinched, his breath coming slower despite his masked expression and body comfortably held by the person he loved most.

'Will you still be here?'

"Will you be away again?" 

A question much more vague and contradicting to the one he wanted to ask, yet brimmed with hope to give the same answer he desired. 

"Probably. I said to Junmyeon I don't feel like traveling for a while though." But there was no guilt in Chanyeol’s light and mindless reply — said with no consideration. "Depends on when the shooting starts. Maybe I'd feel like traveling by then."

"Oh." 

And his answer was enough, to finally wash away all traces of enchantment his mind had clouded him in since last night, to finally shake him awake that he was free falling back to the place where it all started again.

That was then, when Baekhyun was reminded that Chanyeol was never here to stay. Be it now, or months later when he would leave to shoot his movie — when Baekhyun was already many months far into his pregnancy.

And Baekhyun felt he couldn’t ask him to stay.

"Will you miss me?" Beside him Chanyeol playfully teased with a small lazy grin on his handsome face, before he discarded his empty plate to the table and pulled Baekhyun along with him to lay themselves down on the soft couch.

It was hard; to be upset and angry at someone who bore no harm even though their very own smile could hurt you. 

Chanyeol might not love Baekhyun, but his actions and intentions were always sincere and gentle. He might not love him, but Baekhyun at least knew much; that he was someone Chanyeol held dear. 

Even when at the end it wasn’t enough anymore. 

Even when along the way Baekhyun became too greedy and was hurt by his own desires and yearning he knew would kill him someday.

Baekhyun had learned. That the best way to keep all he had — the affection, the love, the pain and the longing, was to lie; to show that he was not affected nor attached by the person holding him so warmly in his arms.

To act as playfully indifferent as Chanyeol was.

Like he was the same, like he didn't need him to stay.

"I won't."

So instead Baekhyun pressed his nose deeper in Chanyeol's warm bare chest as he murmured his lie like it was the easiest thing to do, head lying on the strong arm at the same time he felt an arm wrapped around his small waist to pull them closer together.

"If you say so." And even without looking, Baekhyun could tell from the vibration of Chanyeol’s chest on his lips — the easiness in his tone, that the taller didn’t mind. His teasing voice that said he didn’t believe Baekhyun was playful yet at the same time dismissive.

It hurt; how it was so easy for Chanyeol to leave for months anytime he wanted. 

It hurt; how Baekhyun would be the only one longing for the other.

"You're going to sleep again?" 

With his body comfortably nestled in Chanyeol’s embrace, head tucked under the taller’s chin while the person holding him was watching the TV screen playing a comedy series he loved, Baekhyun was quiet in the attempt to shove aside the pain in his heart that began to throb dully in silence.

Blinking his eyes to clear away the thoughts clouding behind his eyelids, Baekhyun didn’t reply immediately. 

Instead he stayed mum, his breath warm against Chanyeol's skin as his free hand that was lying limp on Chanyeol’s waist slowly slithered down to the space between them, soft dainty hand pressing gently against the taller’s chiseled stomach before trailing up slowly.

Distract himself. He needed to distract himself from the hurt.

"Who knows," Baekhyun whispered to the dip of Chanyeol’s collar bones before kissing the skin with a feather kiss. His lips softly sucked on the warm skin as his hand trailed further up to the defined stomach, before hiking his smooth leg on Chanyeol’s hips like when they were still in bed this morning.

"Baek?" 

There was a slight confusion in Chanyeol’s voice, who was expecting Baekhyun to soon fall asleep after his lack of response. Thus it was a surprise when he felt wet kisses on his skin, ticklishly sucking and nibbling on his collarbone while thin hands began to trail down — down near the loose hem of his sweatpants.

"Hm?" Yet, what he received was Baekhyun's soft hum that told no answer, instead continuing to kiss and lazily stroke his hand against the warm skin that was Chanyeol.

As if on instinct, Chanyeol moved to hold the thigh draping his waist, calloused finger against the soft supple flesh of Baekhyun's calf, swiftly sliding all the way to his warm inner-thigh, before he went further up .

"Fuck," Chanyeol groaned lowly, his hand now possesively kneading the skin of Baekhyun's exposed hips, the over-sized shirt he wore hiked high to his middle. 

Nevertheless, it wasn't what caused Chanyeol to mutter curses under his breath.

"You're not wearing anything under." 

It was the fact that Baekhyun was bare and ready to be fucked right that moment; that when Chanyeol moved his hand to seek for more — more than the warmth of the thick thighs in his palm, there was nothing obstructing his hand when he reached to brush against Baekhyun's heat , his soft swollen cunt still damp from traces of last night. 

"Didn't have time." Baekhyun's muffled voice came breathless, coy yet innocent as he said his excuse.

Instead of pulling away, Chanyeol faintly scoffed, pressing two of his thick fingers on the small expanse of warm smooth skin above his entrance, before sliding down to circle the rim puckering at the teasing touches, an immediate soft moan on Baekhyun lips as he gripped Chanyeol's body tight from surprise, voice sounding filthy and helpless in the taller's ears. 

It was enough for Chanyeol's cock to twitch awake, the feel of wetness that seeped out and eased him to shallowly thrust his slicked fingers inside, eliciting a swallowed whimper and a flinch of the body in his arms.

But Baekhyun was always a vixen — someone who always knew what to do, even with the consequences that will come with it.

So despite his body that began to tremble as Chanyeol fingered his warm cunt deeper with each thrust — thick digits playing with his soft walls and the cum from last night that began to drip out messily, Baekhyun continued pressing his quivering lips shaky with hitched breaths on Chanyeol; kissing his neck that vibrated with a low chuckle when Baekhyun slipped his hand inside the taller's loose sweatpants and run his fingertips over the thick shaft that was fully erect.

Baekhyun shuddered at the big throbbing length in his hand, the velvet skin of Chanyeol's cock was warm, hot, against his soft palm. A whimper was on his lips, just from imagining the cock pulsing , filling him again, pounding him into oblivion.

And Chanyeol shared the same thoughts.

"Well, good thing we do now." His playful whisper sent shivers down Baekhyun's spine as a breathless smile painted his parted lips; of the promise of everything behind Chanyeol's words.

And Baekhyun did get everything he asked for.

Soon enough, his high-pitched moans and Chanyeol's low grunts drowned the series still playing on the TV. 

With his arched back pressed against Chanyeol's front, his head thrown on the strong shoulders, hips gripped to meet the deep fast thrusts, Baekhyun could feel his legs begin to quiver as Chanyeol fucked him sideways from behind.

But that was what he wanted. 

As they reached their orgasm, his cunt clenching tight on the length buried deep to the hilt inside him as he found his blinding release, as he could feel Chanyeol filling him full with shots of thick cum, riding his own orgasm by thrusting languidly inside him, it was all Baekhyun wanted.

Because for a few minutes, satiation and bliss consumed him whole, numbing him senseless. 

For a few seconds, he could forget everything except the feeling of being someone's entirely. 

It was a fleeting moment.

But Baekhyun had long learnt.

As the pain built inside him, only pleasure could overwhelm the pain beneath.

Even when it meant fooling himself again and again.

"It's been a while since I was here."

The atelier where Baekhyun spent most of his days when he wasn’t running his company was the same as always, The taller of the two chided as they entered the bright and spacious room. A separate studio of his own not far from Baekhyun's company building.

Once Chanyeol had asked why Baekhyun didn’t move to make a new creative studio of his own in his new building when Baekhyun was finally successful enough to have one. And the designer merely shrugged and said that being away from his company brushed off the stress from his mind that came from work. And for Chanyeol, that was plausible enough.

Upon entering, they were immediately greeted by a pair of young ladies dressed fashionably yet professionally, standing by as if expectant of their arrival, their faces were familiar enough for Chanyeol to know they were Baekhyun’s assistants.

But what caught his eyes wasn't them, it was the rows and rows of mannequins placed neatly behind them — some fully dressed with designer clothes and some undone. And from looking at each one of them, Chanyeol could only silently smile in disbelief. 

From the hundreds of worldwide known luxury brands that had offered to dress Chanyeol at least once, Baekhyun's work was always one of his favorites. And it was quite amazing to Chanyeol how Baekhyun himself could still doubt his own skills. Even when he had enough proof to be arrogantly confident and proud of himself.

Broken from his wandering eyes, and catching his attention. It was Baekhyun's voice that called over his name.

"Yeol, you can go sit over there while I go look and prepare the clothes for you." Baekhyun gestured to the long white sofa sitting in the middle of the brightly lit room, as he himself proceeded to head to his assistants who were there on that day solely on Baekhyun's request.

"Thanks, Baek." With an easy yet grateful smile on his face, Chanyeol said.

"No worries," Baekhyun smiled softly. 

If before he was denying, now that he had accepted, he would try his best to cater to what Chanyeol had in mind.

It wasn't long after Baekhyun disappeared behind a tall pair of white double doors with his assistants, the designer came back with 3 sets of meticulously made signature suits.

Chanyeol was busy looking at his phone when Baekhyun walked towards him, and the taller pried his eyes away at noticing Baekhyun's presence.

However, Chanyeol didn't say a single word nor gave a single reaction even after Baekhyun along with his assistants pushed the fully dressed mannequins into a neat row in front of Chanyeol — right under the bright light to showcase every little detail on the suits.

With every second that passed with Chanyeol's silence, Baekhyun could feel a sense of queasiness starting to build-up in his stomach. 

If he was asked, the feeling he hated most was someone's disappointment towards him. And the person he was trying to please was someone whose opinion had always been important to him. So with a question on the lack of comment and doubt starting to fill him, Baekhyun began to speak to distract himself.

If it turned out what he made wasn't to Chanyeol's liking, then he would be fine. In the first place, he already said he wasn't on par to the brands Chanyeol usually wore.

"Since I was notified that the theme for this year is 'Masquerades of the Nobles', I made this not long after I was told, a few months ago… So maybe we will need to re-adjust the whole set- "

"I love it."

Baekhyun didn't mumble with his words, but what Chanyeol said was enough to halt his words with how blunt and straightforward it was.

"What?"

"I'll go with this one." Maybe Baekhyun was too worried for a word of approval that before, he couldn't notice the look of silent awe in Chanyeol's eyes that seemed so evident now.

Even as Baekhyun stared at Chanyeol's expression to make sure whether his best friend had been lying or not, Chanyeol was too busy tracing his eyes on the suits before him.

Surge of relief instantaneously flooded Baekhyun as a small smile graced his lips. "Okay."

As Baekhyun stood beside the dressed mannequin, he couldn't help but to observe the suit that he made. Finally, he could say that what he created wasn't that bad. 

With the theme decided, Baekhyun remembered the surge of ideas and inspirations that flooded him the night he was informed. Elegant yet modern royalty clothing was a theme he had always loved, and thinking that he might go to the Gala with his best friend again helped him to sketch all his designs into paper in record time.

Somehow, the dark red silk and clean black velvet fitted the suit he imagined would perfectly dress Chanyeol. 

The fitting waistcoat was hand-tailored to emphasize the taller's broad shoulder and lean waist. Along with the long coat embroidered with fine gold thread and with the gold and diamond embellishments fitting for a royal, a touch of black faux fur draped on one side of the shoulder attached to the long cape usually worn by a king.

Seeing Chanyeol loving it was satisfactory. Even more when Baekhyun made it with Chanyeol in mind.

"Can I try putting it on?"

Baekhyun was cut from his train of thoughts at Chanyeol's voice asking permission. A small grin present handsomely on the taller's face as he looked expectantly at Baekhyun.

Baekhyun wouldn't admit it, but it was endearing to see Chanyeol's enthusiasm over something he made. So in response, the designer merely chuckled.

"Of course. Let's get you changed."

As if understanding without Baekhyun needing to ask, his two assistants took the mannequin and began taking off the clothes draping it; carefully laying them down on the other's stretched arms. 

"Come with me. Unless you want to change in the open." Baekhyun joked as he walked towards the dressing room at a corner of the room, not far from where they stood with Chanyeol following behind.

"Too bad we aren't alone. I know you wouldn't mind."

Baekhyun didn't have to look behind him to know Chanyeol had a smug playful look on his face at his own remark. His voice that bore confidence was enough to leave Baekhyun amused. Because the taller wasn't wrong. 

But it was not like Baekhyun would tell him.

Pulling the thick white curtain of the pretty spacious dressing room, there was a wide couch and a long white table placed just in front of it; not far to the ceiling-high mirror with bright spotlight directed to the spot right in front of it. It was obvious the room was made lavish and comfortable enough for Baekhyun to scrutinize his works on his models.

Immediately, the two young ladies following behind them placed the clothes neatly on the long table, before retreating from the room and leaving the pair inside the changing room the moment everything was placed orderly — as if they knew they would only intrude on the two.

And maybe, Chanyeol should be grateful. Because not three minutes after the curtains were closed behind them, Baekhyun who was making sure every piece of garments were there on the table was interrupted.

"Baek," 

"Hmm?"

With his eyes still eyeing his works for the last time before breaking them away, Baekhyun could hear the soft rustling sound of clothes being shrugged off as he turned around to face the taller. Only to smile amusedly for being caught off guard at the sight.

Because standing before him, Chanyeol who had just finished unbuttoning his clothes was swiftly taking off his shirt before throwing it on the couch, revealing the entirety of his broad upper body without a care. And no matter how many times Baekhyun had seen him with much less, somehow at times he still couldn't fight the faint heat on his cheeks at the familiar sight.

Even more when there was a boyish grin on his face — a genuine look reminding Baekhyun that what would come next would leave him sighing in defeat. 

"Help me dress?" 

And Baekhyun was right; because he only shook his head as he sighed with a smile.

The scenery of the passing clouds outside the windows of Chanyeol's sports car was a step away from welcoming the night sky, last streaks of sunset disappearing with the warmth of the sun and replaced by the tall skyscrapers that began to glimmer against the dark sky.

The two were driving in comfortable silence, the only sound between them was the white noise of the soft purring engine. With Chanyeol driving calmly and eyes on the road, Baekhyun naturally slid into silence as his body was bordering on exhaustion.

It took them a few hours that passed by swiftly before everything was settled for Chanyeol's suit, slightly readjusting the measurements as Chanyeol apparently buffed up for quite a bit in the past few months, and Baekhyun had a few new ideas to make the suit better. Finally, everything was set. And out of the two, Baekhyun might be the one who was the most satisfied.

Now with everything pretty much ready — a few things left to do for Baekhyun’s assistants, they were on the way to eat.

Earlier, as they were leaving his studio, Chanyeol had offered for them to have dinner before returning to Baekhyun's apartment as it was not too early to have one. And Baekhyun thought it was a good idea, agreeing to Chanyeol who he could guess was hungry after a few hours of clothes fitting; thinking that maybe later, with dinner out of the way, he could have a bath and go straight to bed with Chanyeol in tow the moment they were back.

But certainly Baekhyun should’ve known that they were going somewhere extremely fancy judging from the way the car just turned to enter the most luxurious district in the city where only restaurants with prices as expensive as high-end clothes were located.

Knowing Chanyeol for over 7 years now, Baekhyun knew the man was always big in returning a favor no matter how small or big it was. At least towards Baekhyun, he was; even when Baekhyun had insisted that they had reached a point where they could no longer keep track of how much they've helped each other and that everything Baekhyun did was because he wanted to.

However, Baekhyun had also known that if Chanyeol had set his mind into something, there's nothing Baekhyun could do to stop him. Exactly instances like this very moment.

For Baekhyun, that trait of his was at times annoyingly charming and often he found himself at awe at Chanyeol's determination and perseverance in anything he wanted to do. Yet, it also made Baekhyun realize a long time ago that when Chanyeol had decided on something, it was difficult to change his mind.

And that fact was both sweet and bitter for Baekhyun.

Dismissing his train of thoughts, Baekhyun instead paid mind to the words of appreciation uttered towards him.

"You did amazing today, Baek. Thank you."

"Cut it out Mr. Park, you got your suit already. No need for the unnecessary flattery." Baekhyun lightly chuckled a joke out of his lips, breaking his silence at Chanyeol's words as he glanced at the man from the corner of his eyes.

“You should be less modest. You always create the best designs. Everything you made fit me all too well.” Chanyeol lightly retorted.

“It's as if they were all made with me in mind.” His tone was teasing, playful — yet naive, his demeanor unsuspecting whilst his eyes were focused on the road as he rounded the street to the main road.

If Baekhyun hadn't known better, maybe alarms would ring in his head. But instead, knowing Chanyeol held no expectation to his own words because he took himself too lightly in Baekhyun’s eyes, the designer wanted to laugh mirthlessly. 

Because Chanyeol wasn't wrong.

For years, Baekhyun had heard people say that love was one’s muse. Be it reciprocated, one-sided, blissful, nor agonizing. And Baekhyun agreed.

For a long time, Chanyeol was one of his muses; mayhaps he was the most present and constant compared to other things. It was easier to imagine, or what to make, when you had someone in mind you wanted to please or make happy; when the sketch of that person in your head helped shape your inspiration through motivation.

Baekhyun didn’t tell Chanyeol all these years, and he didn’t plan to tell him now. So he chuckled instead. Enough to tell how amused he was, to say that it wasn’t true even when it was. “Maybe.” 

And the playful scoff he received from Chanyeol in return told him that his lie was accepted once again.

They returned to their comfortable silence, enjoying each other's presence, when after a while, Chanyeol announced that they had arrived. 

“We’re here.” Chanyeol said as the car entered the premise of the luxurious restaurant.

Yet at Baekhyun's soft affirmation that seemed to reflect how tired he was, a frown began to form on Chanyeol's forehead. 

"Baek, you okay?" Worriedly, Chanyeol looked at Baekhyun before taking his hand in his.

"I'm good. Just tired from going all out earlier."

Baekhyun was half lying. If he could, he would rather drop dead in bed. Somehow, the silence and calmness that enveloped them had almost lulled Baekhyun to sleep.

Maybe it was the lack of sleep from the past months, but as if Chanyeol's presence gave him a sense of peace, his tired body began to demand all the sleep he was missing now that Baekhyun could somehow rest better with the taller around. 

However, seeing as they had already arrived, Baekhyun figured it wouldn't be bad to hold on for a couple more hours. He needed to eat all the food he could digest, anyway. Even though he didn't feel like eating, his body was no longer just his. 

Gently squeezing Chanyeol's hand over his, Baekhyun gave him a small smile. "I'm really okay, Yeol."

At Baekhyun's reply, Chanyeol wasn't completely convinced, but he knew Baekhyun could be stubborn.

"Then, good thing I'm here to treat you to anything you want." So Chanyeol smiled and retaliated for now, thinking that as soon as Baekhyun had something in him, the sooner they could go home and rest. 

"I don't recall saying I'm hungry." Baekhyun joked as he grabbed his bag and took off his seatbelt, getting ready to get out of the car. 

"You didn't. But knowing you, you'll end up eating things that aren't even considered as food in the middle of the night just because you skipped dinner." Chanyeol remarked teasingly despite there was a look of disapproval on his face over Baekhyun's unhealthy habits. 

Baekhyun didn't say anything more after that. Only a laugh on his lips at the accuracy of Chanyeol's statement. 

Baekhyun didn't know if he should be happy there was someone who knew him like he knew the back of his hands, or be sad because he probably wouldn't find anyone like Chanyeol ever again. 

And his thoughts remained; even more after they got out of the car, Chanyeol immediately went over to Baekhyun's side and placed his arms around Baekhyun's waist — a small gesture of support. 

Baekhyun didn't say it, but it was the small gestures that made him feel safe were what he was always grateful for. 

"Come on Baek, I'm here to pamper you." Chanyeol said before they entered the restaurant. 

It wasn't long before they were guided by the maître d'hôtel to their reserved seat, a secluded round table for two placed on the best location in the french ballroom-like dining hall, overlooking the glimmering city of Seoul outside the tall looming balcony windows framed with gold. 

"Good evening Mr. Park, Mr. Byun. It's a pleasure to have you here again today." The waiter attending them handed the pair a thin menu book in the color of dark red. "May I recommend our signature course for the night? Or would you like to have your usual preference?" 

Flipping through the menu briefly as if he had memorized the content, Chanyeol closed it before handing it back. "I would have the usual, thank you. The wine too."

"Of course Sir." The waiter smiled before he shifted his attention to Baekhyun. 

"What about you Baek?" Chanyeol asked after noticing Baekhyun was taking longer than usual in picking what he would like to eat. 

"I'll have… florette salad," Almost hesitantly, Baekhyun said to the waiter before he handed back the menu with an apologetic smile. "and just water, please."

At Baekhyun's choice of order, however, Chanyeol couldn't help but to be confused. 

"Baekhyun?" He started. "Are you not feeling well? You usually order more than that."

It wasn't the first time they went there, and Baekhyun knew it was confusing for Chanyeol as he usually ordered for his favorite courses. However, ever since he was pregnant, Baekhyun found he wasn't able to enjoy the usual food he used to eat. 

Somehow, Baekhyun's taste in food became healthier and cleaner. It was a good thing for his health and baby, but for those who knew his favorite foods, he wasn't surprised if they were to question him. 

However, rather than him running to the bathroom from his easily triggered nausea if he ordered his usual food, Baekhyun rather told Chanyeol he was not that hungry even when he was. 

So with a smile, Baekhyun simply waved it off. "I'm fine. I just want to eat something light."

Still, at Baekhyun's reply, Chanyeol didn't look convinced before he turned to the waiter who was about to leave. 

"Then we'll have what he ordered just now, and the usual for him too." Chanyeol quickly added, not paying mind to Baekhyun who looked at him in disagreement.

"Yeol-" 

"You haven't been eating well today Baekhyun. Even at lunch you barely ate." Chanyeol refuted before he sent the waiter away with a thank you and returned to look Baekhyun in the eyes. 

"I'm hoping you'll be tempted enough to eat more if the food is already in front of you." The smile on Chanyeol's face was one that said it was too late to cancel their order and that he wasn't going to take no as an answer. 

With a sigh and a smile of defeat, Baekhyun couldn't say anything else, and could only hope nothing would go wrong.

They spent the time waiting for their dinner to arrive catching up to things they hadn’t talked about. From Chanyeol's concert and all the memorable things that happened; the taller forgetting a line when he was singing a really old song of his, to Baekhyun saying he was wondering if he should try a new theme for his brand.

It was moments like this that Baekhyun was reminded that Chanyeol truly was someone close and important to him, that Baekhyun had shared most of his life with him.

Even when at times the two would be busy where meeting was almost impossible, it merely took them a conversation to make them feel like they never left.

More than a casual sex partner, Chanyeol was one of the few pillars in Baekhyun's life; someone who had held his hands through thick and thin since a long time ago. 

It was also moments like this that made Baekhyun realize he wasn't ready to risk anything that they have.

So like what he always did best, Baekhyun shoved away his thoughts, refusing to think and chuckling along to Chanyeol who was laughing about the funny things that happened during his concert tour.

To himself, Baekhyun said he would enjoy moments like this while he could.

Lost in their own conversation, it wasn't long before the waiter arrived with a silver tray in his hands and began to place their plates neatly in front of them.

Chanyeol looked pleased when the waiter finished placing all of their orders and poured him a glass of the restaurant's finest wine. 

Baekhyun, however, could only feel dread. 

Because almost everything on the table was food Baekhyun usually couldn't stand after he was pregnant. 

"Please enjoy." The waiter said politely.

"Thank you." With a charming smile worth a million bucks, Chanyeol sent the young waiter away blushing.

When they were left alone to enjoy their meal all laid out beautifully, Baekhyun went straight to grab his fork and began eating his salad, before Chanyeol could push a plate of Baekhyun's favorite pasta in front of him.

Baekhyun was relieved he was fast enough when he saw Chanyeol eyeing him worriedly when he didn't seem to be tempted to eat his favorite dish placed in front of him. However, seeing as Baekhyun was at least eating, they fell into a comfortable silence as they ate. 

Despite Baekhyun's worry for the worst case scenario where he would be hit by his pregnancy symptoms, he was hungry and the food served here never ceased to impress him.

Baekhyun was immersed in his own thoughts, enjoying his salad when from across the table, Chanyeol held Baekhyun’s idle left hand on the table, enveloping his hand in his own. 

"I've missed coming here with you," Chanyeol said with a small quirk of his lips forming a smile, brushing his thumb over Baekhyun’s knuckles softly. 

Chanyeol's dark eyes were looking at him with so much affection, and immediately Baekhyun could feel his heart flutter. 

“I’ve missed spending time with you like this.” The taller added.

Baekhyun smiled faintly, looking away from Chanyeol’s gaze as he chuckled.

If Baekhyun hadn't known better, it would've been easy for him to misunderstand and say that Chanyeol was looking at him like he was in love with him.

But Baekhyun did know better; and instead of flutters of butterflies in his stomach, now it was blooms of pain in his chest that filled him.

"Me too." 

Along the way, taking lightly of Chanyeol’s affectionate words had become a habit to protect himself.

"Let me take you on more dates after this," Chanyeol said, "Now that I'll be around for the time being."

Of course.

This time, Baekhyun’s smile was a second late before it painted his face more beautifully than before.

Even when it didn’t reach his eyes.

"You better, I deserve the pampering." Baekhyun jokingly said, earning him a chuckle from Chanyeol. 

Never expecting anything was always his safety net.

With a silent excuse to grab his glass of water, Baekhyun pulled his hand away from Chanyeol’s hold. 

As if he was burned by the touch, it was stupid of him to think that pulling away would make him hurt less.

Placing his glass down before continuing to eat his almost finished salad, Baekhyun was just glad Chanyeol didn't notice as he too continued to eat soon after. 

With light chats in between, without Baekhyun realizing, soon enough his plate was empty. 

He should’ve known he should eat much slower. Perhaps he was too tired, or maybe it had been almost two months since he was around Chanyeol, but Baekhyun had forgotten how attentive Chanyeol could be.

"You're not eating enough," Chanyeol frowned. "Come on, Baek. You have to eat more. It's your favorite." Pushing an untouched plate of lobster pasta, Chanyeol insisted.

It was a habit formed over the years, where on many occasions Baekhyun would often forget to eat due to overworking and endless deadlines, but Chanyeol was always the one who would remind Baekhyun to eat. At times to the point where he wouldn't leave until he saw Baekhyun had eaten. 

Though his thoughtfulness and stubbornness was one of the reasons Baekhyun fell for the man, it was also the sole reason Baekhyun didn't really want to eat out with him at that very moment. 

"It's okay, I'm full." It was half a lie. "You can eat it for me." Baekhyun masked his rejection with a smile. 

Yet, it only made the frown on Chanyeol's face deepen.

"You haven't eaten anything except for breakfast, Baek." The taller argued, disapproval evident in his voice, "And salad is not enough."

"No, really-" Before Baekhyun could say anything, however, Chanyeol brought up a fork with a thick cut of lobster covered in a butter garlic glaze.

"Here, at least eat this."

It would've been the most delicious bite he had in quite some time, if only everything he feared would happen didn't spring up and ring an alarm in his head the moment the glistening cut of a perfectly cooked lobster was an inch away from his lips. 

No, please, no-

"Baekhyun?"

Perhaps it was the strong scent of garlic and butter, or even the sharp smell of the vinegret in his salad that he thought he could stomach just fine, but in seconds, Baekhyun could feel bile rising up his throat and threatening to come out. 

In an immediate reaction to hold himself from throwing up, Baekhyun clasped his hand over his mouth before exercising a breathing technique he learned to keep down a building nausea, realizing a little bit too late that in front of him was Chanyeol — watching his every movement with worry and alarm written all over his face. 

"Baekhyun? Are you okay?"

Upon hearing Chanyeol's voice dripping with concern, Baekhyun tried his best to act as calm as possible before he attempted to play it off as nothing. It's hard when his skin felt cold and face probably had turned pale. 

“I'm okay," Baekhyun forced a smile to ease Chanyeol. "I'm just tired."

Chanyeol didn't seem convinced. "You don't want me to take you to the hospital? You look faint,"

If before it was the sound of an alarm, now it was sirens. 

"No," He couldn't let Chanyeol bring him there. "I'm really fine."

Unless he wanted Chanyeol to find out Baekhyun was pregnant with his child. 

"Baek-

"Please, just take me home . " Exhausted, Baekhyun said softly with finality. 

It was a good thing Chanyeol had known Baekhyun long enough to understand that whenever Baekhyun no longer held a smile on his face, it was best to listen. 

"Okay."

With Baekhyun's health being the highest priority in his mind, Chanyeol was quick to call the waiter and ask for the bill, before they both left the restaurant. 

Baekhyun was a second away from falling asleep when the soft engine of Chanyeol's car died down and was replaced by the white noise of distant traffic and crickets.

Immediately, Baekhyun knew they weren't at his high-rise apartment. 

Blinking in an attempt to regain clarity of his surroundings, he noticed everything outside the windows of Chanyeol's car was already dark.

With his half-lidded eyes heavy with sleep, Baekhyun didn't say a word when Chanyeol left the car for a short while before he went to open Baekhyun's side of the door. 

Maybe he was too tired, but Baekhyun was almost too comfortable to move; the seat Chanyeol lowered down so Baekhyun could lay down during the short ride was good enough to lull him to sleep.

Baekhyun was still gathering his consciousness and energy to get himself up, when before he could turn to sit upright, Chanyeol, who had his door opened, slid his arms beneath Baekhyun's shoulder and knees, carrying him bridal-style out of the car.

Suddenly, most of the sleep hung over him left, replaced with a familiar warmth thrumming gently in his chest — his heart beating a little faster when he was in Chanyeol's embrace. 

And Baekhyun cursed how easy it was to tell that his heart always moved along with the person holding him safely in his strong arms.

Baekhyun blamed his sleepiness and his safety, but the moment he was hoisted in Chanyeol’s arms, Baekhyun wrapped his own arms tightly round the taller and snuggled his face in the crook of Chanyeol’s neck, laying his head on the strong shoulder that felt like home. Even more so when he felt the vibration of the taller's low chuckle from the sturdy chest he was pressed against as they entered the front doors of Chanyeol's house that was already wide open. 

It seemed Chanyeol already intended to carry Baekhyun inside for the beginning.

The house was dark and silent when they entered. A house that was left unoccupied for two months as the owner was busy performing all over the world. 

Baekhyun didn't realize it had been that long since the last time he was there. 

Unlike his own place — which was a penthouse in the middle of the city, Chanyeol's place was a luxurious yet minimalist house built on one of the hills overlooking Seoul. A residential area made for incredibly rich and famous people where privacy and safety were guaranteed. It was almost impossible for paparazzis to even enter the front entrance of the hill.

That was one of the reasons Baekhyun liked being here.

Whenever they were here to spend the weekend or their days off, they wouldn't need to worry about anyone disturbing or catching them. 

At times, it would feel like they were in their own little world, living together without a care in the world. 

Even when at times, Baekhyun also needed to remind himself that it was all temporary. But again, nothing couldn't be clouded when your mind and body were occupied with something else night and day.

Somehow, it wasn't hard to dismiss everything running amok in his head, to push away the painful twinges in his heart whenever Chanyeol was in front of him. 

Just like now. 

If it was any other day, without a doubt, Chanyeol would've laid Baekhyun down on his bed before getting on top of him, immediately kissing him breathless before stripping them both out of their clothes and fuck Baekhyun senseless until the sun rose outside the wall length window of his bedroom.

Baekhyun always loved nights like those. 

When it felt like Chanyeol was worshiping every inch of his body, leaving no skin untouched, addicted and in thirst to take him and devour him again and again. 

When it felt like Chanyeol was Baekhyun's and Baekhyun's alone.

However this time, Chanyeol, who was carrying Baekhyun carefully up to his master bedroom, merely laid him on the edge of the bed gently.

With concerned eyes, the taller made sure that Baekhyun was awake enough to sit properly before crouching and kneeling in front of him.

Softly, he reached out to brush Baekhyun's fringes to the side.

"You're feeling better?" Chanyeol's deep voice that was filled with so much worry and affection sounded like honey in Baekhyun's ears. 

Baekhyun wanted to cry. 

Instead, he nodded faintly, a small smile on his face as he grabbed the hand slowly tracing the side of his face down to his neck. 

"I am." Baekhyun whispered before he kissed the palm of Chanyeol's warm hand in his hold.

It was a small gesture of appreciation, to say that Baekhyun was grateful for him and the way he always took care of him. Yet, at the gesture, Chanyeol who was kneeling in front of him moved forward, without a word catching Baekhyun's soft lips with his own in seconds.

Out of habit, as if his body remembered everything it had done to submit and follow along each of Chanyeol's movement, as if his body was seeking for pleasure only Chanyeol could give, Baekhyun mindlessly parted his lips, letting the man in front of him to devour his soft moans as he reached out to place his hands on Chanyeol's broad shoulders.

Baekhyun was close to being breathless when Chanyeol pulled away, the taller's eyes half hooded when he looked at Baekhyun's lips now glistening red from his nipping and sucking. 

"I'm going to draw us a bath," With a small smile, Chanyeol told Baekhyun who was still in a daze from the sleepiness and the kiss, before standing up to go to the bathroom.

Baekhyun didn't know how long it took Chanyeol to prepare the bath, but in his haze and exhaustion both from the physical and emotional roller-coaster, Baekhyun was almost asleep again when Chanyeol emerged from the bathroom wearing nothing but a black towel around his waist. 

"Come on, Baek." 

Leaning down in front of Baekhyun who was lying on the bed, Chanyeol softly brushed Baekhyun's hair away from his face to wake him up.

However, despite his attempt, Chanyeol already knew that when Baekhyun was tired and halfway to dreamland, he would lose all of his energy to move.

So when Baekhyun weakly raised his arm, Chanyeol could only chuckle. 

"This is exploitation," Chanyeol joked as he reached down to carry Baekhyun in his arms again.

It was a joke, but Baekhyun couldn’t help but to hide a bitter smile.

Because Baekhyun wanted to tell him that he was right.

Baekhyun wanted to tell him that he didn't deserve Chanyeol and everything he had done for him; even now as he was taking care of him.

But he also didn’t know what would happen later when all of his secrets ran out of time and he could no longer hide. He didn’t know what Chanyeol would do.

So Baekhyun decided he would be selfish — all while he could.

He wanted to drown in Chanyeol’s attention and affection while he still could — before those eyes that looked at him with such tenderness looked hurt and angry.

So Baekhyun held on tight, wrapping his arms around Chanyeol’s bare shoulders once again.

For now, he would just enjoy his time with Chanyeol.

“I love when you carry me,” Baekhyun mumbled against Chanyeol’s collarbones, his sleepiness beginning to fade away.

“I know,” Chanyeol chuckled lightly. “You’re too light though,” He added, “I need to feed you more.”

This time, Baekhyun gave out a small laugh — one of amusement.

If only Chanyeol knew that Baekhyun had been gaining weight the past two month. 

“You spoil me too much,”

“It’s intentional,” Chanyeol replied easily, as they entered the bathroom.

Baekhyun held on tighter. 

The bathroom was warm, the steam from the running hot water filling the bath was warming Baekhyun quickly.

Carefully, Chanyeol seated Baekhyun on the marble sink table, chuckling when he saw Baekhyun squinting his face from the bright light of the bathroom. 

“I’ll dim some of the lights after this,” Chanyeol offered.

In reply, Baekhyun merely nodded before he leaned his head forward to rest on Chanyeol’s shoulder, prepared for what would happen next. 

As if it was out of habit, Chanyeol began to undress Baekhyun. 

First it was his coat, next it was his shirt.

Baekhyun let out a sigh when his exposed skin was touched by the warm air. His body going lax at Chanyeol's soft caresses across his shoulders down to his spine as he continued to strip him naked. 

Next to come off was his pants, before now he was left with only his tight black panties.

"You're making it hard for me, Baek," Chanyeol sighed, smiling lightly as he slipped his thumbs under the waistband of Baekhyun's panties and dragged it down, pulling it across Baekhyun's thighs before he crouched down to get his panties off Baekhyun's ankles.

All whilst his eyes were locked with Baekhyun who merely observed him as he undressed him. 

Despite Chanyeol's words, his touches weren't provocative, they were gentle and careful. And Baekhyun loved every time he could see desire in Chanyeol's eyes, only for him to restrain himself because he knew Baekhyun was tired.

It made Baekhyun feel like he was more than just his casual sex partner, more than just his friend, because Chanyeol wasn't here to fuck him brainless.

He was here for Baekhyun.

And every time he treated him like this, Baekhyun was the one left hoping for more.

All the while, they didn't say a word, bathing in each other's silence even when Chanyeol offered his hand and guided Baekhyun to enter the large bathtub filled with warm water, dimming the lights on the way.

After the two of them entered the bath, it was Chanyeol who took a seat first, leaning his body back to rest on the tub and stretching his legs in the water before he tugged Baekhyun down. At the gesture, Baekhyun moved to place his feet beside Chanyeol's waist before he sat himself down, placing his hands on the strong shoulders to make sure he wouldn't slip and let his body settle on Chanyeol's lap, sighing in comfort.

It always did things to him, everytime Chanyeol knew exactly what Baekhyun wanted without having to say a word. Just like now.

It always felt right, being in Chanyeol's arms always felt like he belonged. Be it when they were having sex, or when they were just sitting together like this.

Nothing always had to be sexual. When Chanyeol knew Baekhyun wasn't feeling well or just exhausted, he wouldn't initiate anything. Instead he simply took care of him with sincerity. 

Even now as Chanyeol was drawing patterns on Baekhyun's lower back, his big hands softly massaging his waist as he washed Baekhyun's body with the warm water and lathers of soap.

Every moment with him was intimate. 

Each second spent with him made Baekhyun fall for him harder. 

"This feels nice," Baekhyun murmured as he let out a sigh, earning him a low chuckle.

"What will you do without me," Chanyeol teased, after he felt Baekhyun going lax in his hold, laying his head on Chanyeol's shoulder and closing his eyes. 

However, Chanyeol didn't notice how because of his words, Baekhyun stilled. 

The harmless question echoing in his mind.

A question Baekhyun had tried to push away for so long. 

Because he didn't know. 

He didn't know what to say. 

In all honesty, he didn't know what he would do without him.

So Baekhyun stayed silent.

Baekhyun pretended he didn't hear anything.

Instead he continued to rest himself on Chanyeol's much bigger body, letting the taller wash him as he relished in the attention. 

Yet in his silence, Baekhyun’s mind couldn't help but to return to his unanswered questions.

If Baekhyun was to confess, one of his biggest worries came from the doubt whether he would be able to raise the baby alone without Chanyeol by his side. 

Because even before getting pregnant, it wasn’t always easy to meet with Chanyeol who was always busy. 

Chanyeol was someone who lived with passion and ambition — always trying to reach the top and always trying to be the best in all the things he wanted to do. He wasn’t the type to be easily satisfied. That was why his hard work was greatly acknowledged by everyone who knew him.

Amidst Chanyeol’s magnificently blossoming career, Baekhyun didn’t know how a child could fit in his tight schedule. That was if Chanyeol wanted to co-parent together, and would be willing to sacrifice his work for more free time.

That was why, ever since he found out about his pregnancy, other than trying to accept his new reality and weighing what he should do after Chanyeol got back, Baekhyun had been preparing himself mentally and emotionally to raise his baby. Be it all on his own or with the help of Chanyeol. 

And despite everything, Baekhyun wanted to raise his baby right .

Because, as his thoughts suddenly revolved only around Chanyeol and the life growing inside him, Baekhyun had unconsciously grown fond of the baby inside him day by day.

Maybe that was why he was beating himself up over this. Because above all, Baekhyun didn’t want his baby to grow up thinking they were unwanted or made from a mistake.

Baekhyun had lived his whole life alone as an orphan without knowing any of his birth parents. Out of all, he knew what it was like to grow up without no one to rely on other than himself. If there was one thing he didn’t want, it was for his future child to go through the same.

Maybe that was also why Baekhyun couldn’t stop thinking of what would happen if one day Chanyeol finally fell in love with someone and decided to settle down with his new lover.

It was a silent agreement that if one of them found someone, they would stop whatever it was that they had.

It happened once before, and it would happen again sooner or later. 

And Baekhyun didn't know if he was prepared.

To let go, or to have their relationship change. 

Just thinking about someone being in his place made him feel bitter — someone that would be cared for and pampered like he was now by Chanyeol. 

If Chanyeol was willing to go to such lengths for him, how much would Chanyeol be willing to go for his lover. 

Baekhyun realized a long time ago he wasn't kind nor was he selfless.

He was filled with bitterness, and green jealousy for someone who didn't exist yet. Everytime Baekhyun imagined Chanyeol doing things like this with someone else, pain would blossom in his chest so sharply like needles that pricked his skin. 

Even when he was the one who had Chanyeol in his arms right now, even when he was the one Chanyeol looked for at the end of the day, Baekhyun couldn’t help asking until when all the blissful ignorance he was relishing in would end. 

And it was a curse how the only person who could make Baekhyun whole with happiness was the same person who would make Baekhyun feel pain.

So he closed his eyes, resting his forehead on Chanyeol's collarbone when he felt soft lazy kisses pressed against the skin of his neck down to his shoulders — like feather touches that left a hint of fire on its wake, burning him gently.

“Are you ready to get out?” In the midst of his kisses, Chanyeol murmured on his skin after he realized they had been in the bath for quite some time. 

Yet, having no will to reply, Baekhyun merely nodded. 

With the night getting colder and the moon starting to rise higher, the sleepiness that once was heavy against Baekhyun's eyelids returned.

Seeing as Baekhyun began to doze, Chanyeol helped him up and drained the water.

“Come here,” Grabbing the towel bathrobe he had prepared beforehand, Chanyeol wrapped the robe around Baekhyun before grabbing a big towel to wrap around his own waist. 

Slowly, Chanyeol helped Baekhyun out of the big bathtub, making sure Baekhyun wouldn't slip when he stepped on the bathroom rag.

"Go sit on the bed and I'll grab you something to wear." Chanyeol said when they had left the bathroom.

The taller immediately headed to his walk-in closet on the other side of the room, soon emerging with an oversized shirt in his hand that definitely didn't belong to Baekhyun.

"Here," Chanyeol placed the shirt beside Baekhyun, along with his boxers Baekhyun remembered saying was comfortable to wear to sleep and a hair comb he must have picked up along the way.

Baekhyun wasn't even surprised; for Chanyeol to grab his own clothes for Baekhyun, simply because he knew Baekhyun loved wearing his shirts, despite Baekhyun's clothes occupying one-third of his closet accumulatively over the years. 

Giving a grateful smile to the taller, Baekhyun changed into the oversized shirt that reached his thighs and the boxers, drying and combing his hair for a bit more before deeming he was too tired to give more effort and just wanted to sleep. 

Chanyeol was already laying down on the bed — wearing nothing but a pair of loose black shorts, when Baekhyun was about to climb on the large bed, ready to plop himself and sleep until tomorrow. 

On seeing Baekhyun was finished, however, Chanyeol extended his right arm, offering his arm as a pillow for Baekhyun to lay on as if it was a habit.

And without a word, Baekhyun did just that.

Once again he laid his head on Chanyeol's shoulder, pulling the covers up to their chins and circling his cold arm around the taller's warm sturdy body. Baekhyun let out a sigh of comfort and utter exhaustion.

Yet, as if sensing Baekhyun was still cold, Chanyeol turned to face him, enveloping Baekhyun in an embrace that made him feel protected from the world, the weight of his arms draped on Baekhyun's waist reminded him that he was there . 

Then, it was a press of kiss. 

A ghost that lingered shyly just for a second on his forehead. 

"Sleep, Baek."

It wasn't the first nor was it uncommon. 

But that moment, Baekhyun felt overwhelmed; from the affection Chanyeol endlessly poured on him and from his heart that Baekhyun hid in his chest, beating lively to the point it was suffocating him breathless. 

“Thank you," Baekhyun whispered, "for taking care of me.” 

His words came out almost shaky, his heart full as much as it was aching.

“Anything for you, Baek,”

Baekhyun smiled.

Chanyeol was falling asleep. 

And he didn't know how much he made everything harder for him. 

Snuggling deeper to press his forehead against Chanyeol's chest, Baekhyun closed his eyes. 

I love you. 

If only Baekhyun could tell him. 

I love you so much my heart hurts.

If only he was brave enough to risk everything he never had.