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Tony looks at him incredulously. "I. . .wait. Steve, did you just say you don't know the cha cha slide?"
Steve hadn't thought much of it when he's asked Tony what the cha cha slide was after hearing it mentioned in the movie they were watching. But apparently it's a pretty big deal. "Ah," he says, "Yes? No?"
"Yes, that's what you just said, or no, it isn't?"
"Yes, I just said that no, I don't know the cha cha slide."
"Steve, that's. . .you've been in this century for over a year now, and you don't know the cha cha slide? God, how have I failed you this much, that is just. . .It's un-American is what it is."
"I'm sorry?" he offers.
"No, apology not accepted. JARVIS. JARVIS! We need something new!"
"The Casper Slide Part Two?" JARVIS replies.
"Yep!" Tony says. "Make it happen."
A beat starts playing and a man starts speaking, but Steve doesn't hear what he's saying because Tony is still talking. "Everyone knows the cha cha slide, Steve. Everyone. It's played at every roller rink and birthday party and christmas party and new years party and just. Every party, Steve."
"I'm not sure if you've noticed, but I haven't been to too many parties."
"Yes. Well, we can't have you looking like an idiot when it eventually comes up, so you're learning it. Now. It's pretty self-explanatory. Just do what he tells you to."
Alright now, we're going to do the basic step! Steve hears the man in the song say, To the left!
Tony takes a smooth slide to the left.
Take it back now, y'all!
Steve takes a cautious step backwards. Tony steps back, too, but with a panache that Steve knows he's lacking.
One hop this time!
Right foot, let's stomp!
Left foot, let's stomp!
And yeah, Steve gets what Tony means about this being self-explanatory. He's not sure he sees what the appeal is in just doing what a song tells you to do, but hey, if this is what everyone's doing these days, he should probably get on board.
Cha Cha real smooth!
"Everyone looks awkward as hell when they do this bit," Tony says. "Just take steps back and forth and move your arms a bit and accept that you look kinda ridiculous."
Steve laughs. The song repeats it all again and Steve thinks he's getting it down, following the words, moving to the beat, adding a bit of his own flair to the moves.
To the right now!
To the left!
Take it back now y'all!
One hop this time!
One hop this time!
Natasha comes in the room and doesn't seem to notice what they're doing, but as she looks around for something, Steve notices she's moving in time to the beat.
Right foot two stomps!
"My throwing stars?" she asks as she stomps her right foot twice.
Left foot two stomps!
Tony shrugs. Nat sighs and then says, "Looking good there, Steve," and walks over to join them.
Slide to the left!
Slide to the right!
Criss-Cross!
Criss-Cross!
"You got it the second time!" Tony says, throwing his arms in the air.
Cha Cha real smooth!
"And damn. Actually, Steve, forget what I said about everyone looking ridiculous doing the cha cha, because, oh my god, Natasha, how are you doing that?"
Steve glances over at her as she smirks and says, "Never gonna tell you, Stark," and, wow, yeah, it looks like the most natural thing in the world, the way her hips and shoulders are moving in sync with each other and her arms are bent and swaying at her side. Steve's pretty sure that he, however, looks like a total idiot, but hey, most everyone looks like total idiots doing things Nat does fantastically, so he's not too worried.
Let's go to work!
To the left!
Take it back now y'all!
"Have any of you..." Bruce says as he walks into the room, but then he notices what's going on and doesn't get any further than that.
Two hops this time!
Two hops this time
"Yeah, why is this happening?" he asks, but he's bouncing on his heels in time to the hops.
Right foot two stomps!
"Apparently it's an American rite of passage these days," Steve replies.
Left foot two stomps!
"You mean you've never done it before? Steve, I was in hiding for a significant portion of the last decade, and even I know this."
He walks over to get in line just in time to crouch down as the guy exclaims,
Hands on you knees! Hands on your knees!
And then they're all knocking their knees together while crossing their hands over them. Bruce is still bouncing on his heels, Tony's shaking his ass more than necessary, Nat's turning her head in time to the music, her hair swinging around her face, and Steve can't help but just throw his head back and laugh at them. They all burst into huge grins, and Tony chuckles a bit, realizing how they all must look.
Keep funking it! Aaaaaaw yeah.
Steve enjoys the sight for a second, grinning, and gets it together enough to give it a shot himself before he's instructed to cha cha and turn it out again, and, yeah, he thinks, this is actually a lot of fun.
Clint walks in and doesn't say a word, just blinks, sets down his bow, and takes his place in the line.
Then they're hopping and stomping again, stomping a lot, actually, and Steve is wondering just how many times they're going to have to stomp when, as he's stomping his left foot, he hears,
FREEZE!
Clint is posed with his arms over his head and his hips cocked to the left. Bruce has his arms stiff at his sides with his body leaning left. Tony has his left hand on his hip and his right out in front like he's about to shoot a repulsor. Nat is all poise and grace with her left foot out and her hands behind her back. Steve is pretty sure he just looks like a deer caught in the headlights.
Everybody clap your hands!
And then suddenly Bruce has his arms over his head and he's clapping with quite a lot of enthusiasm as he turns himself in circles while swinging his hips. Steve starts to follow suit but then realizes the others are just staring at Bruce, and then Tony starts laughing so hard that he has to catch himself on Steve's arm so as not to end up on the floor.
Bruce stops, hesitates, and says, "Is that not how everyone does it?"
"No," Natasha say, drawing out the word, and slowly shaking her head.
"But keep on, Banner," Clint says, grinning. "That might be the best thing I've seen, well, ever, probably."
Bruce rolls his eyes, and then they're all dancing again.
Come on y'all! Check it out y'all!
How low can you go?
Can you go down low?
All the way to the floor?
How low can you go?
"Goddamn, Clint!" Tony yells.
And Clint is low. Not that Steve has seen many people get low in the modern dance use of the term, but he's pretty sure that Clint is getting exceptionally low, with his ass almost to the floor and still moving up and down rapidly.
"Pretty sure Steve will get jealous if you keep staring at Clint's ass that way, Stark," Natasha says.
Tony just shakes his head. "That's art, is what that is."
"Everything I do is art," Clint replies.
They bring it to the top, hop and stomp some more, and cha cha again, with a couple of reverse! reverse!-es in there. Steve is pretty sure those are just to throw him off.
Thor comes in as they're in the middle of being told to cha cha four times in a row. "My comrades!" he shouts, "are we partaking in the Slide of Cha?"
"You know this?" Steve asks incredulously, "how do you know this?"
"I have been to many a Midgardian party in which this ritualistic dance was performed."
"Of course you have. I don't know why I asked."
Thor laughs boisterously and claps Steve heartily on the back, which always throws him off, because even though he's strong, he's not even close to being an actual god, but Thor doesn't quite seem to get that.
Thor jumps in line as they're back to the usual moves.
To the left!
Take it back now y'all!
Two hops! Two hops!
Two hops! Two hops!
Right foot let's stomp!
Left foot let's stomp!
Charlie brown!
Steve looks to his left to find out what to do here, but they've all paused and Tony says, "Yeah, no one really knows what this is-- oh my god, Thor, what are you doing."
They all look past him and Steve turns around to see Thor with his right foot in front of him, hopping back and forth on his feet in a rocking motion.
"The Charlie Brown!" Thor replies, looking mighty pleased with himself.
"And how, exactly, do you know that?" Clint asks.
"Darcy, of course!"
"Of course," the others all say in unison.
"Why do we even ask anymore?" Clint adds.
"That's it, we're done," Nat says, "I've seen Thor do what is, apparently, the Charlie Brown. I'm calling it quits for the day."
She walks out the door, and Bruce and Clint follow, shaking their heads.
Thor is still doing the Charlie Brown, probably simply because it's finally something about Earth he knows that none of the rest of them do.
Tony puts a hand on Steve's shoulder, kisses him on the cheek, and says, "At long last, welcome to the 21st century, babe."