Work Text:
Rohan leaned his head against the wall and closed his eyes. If he remembered correctly, this was the spot Josuke had told him about— a secret between the bride and groom’s dressing rooms, the same as nearly every other wall except for a small vent set into it and covered. Not enough to see each other, since that was apparently a wedding faux pas, but enough to talk. And he really, really needed to talk.
He didn’t want to twiddle his fingers or tap his foot or appear in any way antsy, even though he was the only one there, so he held very still and closed his eyes. The others had cleared out a bit ago, and from the silence through the vent Rohan was somewhat worried Josuke had already gone out. He breathed in and out, evenly, trying to stay controlled even as his pulse jumped at the muffled sound of footsteps from the other side.
“Is this it?” Softly, and then a bit more confidently: “Ro? Can you hear me?”
“Yes.” His gut churned at how quickly and almost desperately he responded, and Rohan settled his hand over his stomach like that would calm it. “I can hear you. Aren’t you supposed to be in the hall already?”
“Probably,” he replied sheepishly. “I had a feeling, though. That you’d be here.”
The silence lingered between them. Josuke and his feelings. Wasn’t that how they got into all of this trouble? Not that he could call it that— no, not that he should call it that, but Rohan wanted to. It felt like trouble. His heart was pounding, his fingers were sweating, and every inch of him wanted to run.
In short, Rohan was scared. He would never say it out loud, but it was the only possible explanation. He didn’t even know why. He’d been happy and excited, even, and then fifteen minutes ago he suddenly felt like his heart was going to be squeezed to death and he had no idea why.
“I don’t know if I want to do this,” Rohan whispered, feeling the words pull themselves out of his mouth. He’d meant to say he thought he couldn’t do it, but ‘I can’t’ in all its forms was missing from his vocabulary. The great Kishibe Rohan could do anything he wanted, so it stood to reason that if he felt he couldn’t do something, then maybe... maybe, secretly, he didn’t want to marry Josuke.
His ribcage suddenly seemed smaller, choking his lungs, and he waited for Josuke to bust the wall down and ask him what the hell he meant, but there was nothing but a soft sigh and quiet bump from the other side of the wall. Josuke’s forehead, maybe? But... if he was resigned instead, did that mean he knew? “Josuke, say something. Please.”
“I had a feeling,” he repeated, “but also I know how you get, baby. You’ve never taken the easy road when it comes to us. I figured you’d get anxious and freak out once you were alone with your thoughts for more than two minutes.”
“You’re making me sound neurotic,” Rohan grumbled.
“Well.”
“ Josuke Higashikata. ”
“I’m just saying!” He ‘just said’ with a loud laugh, the bright, infectious kind that Rohan knew would crinkle the edges of his eyes and show all his teeth. He couldn’t help but chuckle himself, but he was able to turn it into more of a scoff.
“Then... are you alright with that? Are you ‘just saying’ that you don’t want to do this?” Rohan didn’t wait for an answer. He didn’t want to hear it, that Josuke didn’t want him. “I don’t— I don’t know if this is the right thing to do.”
“I’m going to preface this by saying I love you, but when have you ever cared about what’s right or wrong?” Rohan had memorized the way Josuke’s right eyebrow would arch and he could see it now, the corners of his mouth fighting not to lift into a smile. “You’ve always done what you wanted. That’s one of the things I admire most about you... even if it is something I have to hold you back from. What’s really eating at you?”
Rohan swallowed thickly. If it wasn’t that it wasn’t right, that he couldn’t make himself do it, then were his doubts casted in a different direction? He moved away from the wall and over to the vanity, dragging the chair in front of it back over to the wall.
He sat down and rested his elbows on his knees, leaning forward against his laced hands. It wasn’t Josuke, he knew that for sure. He could be overprotective, overbearing, and overly exuberant, but it was just like dealing with a big dog. His fiancé had been nothing but infuriatingly wonderful, minus a few spats here and there. So the fault lay with himself, which was already hard to consider, but where? What was it?
If only he could use Heaven’s Door to read himself and find the answer. But all he would get was blank pages, so he didn’t bother. He just waited, and the clock ticked, and Josuke was there on the other side of the wall. It was quiet, but Rohan knew he was there. After so many years of being solitary… Ah.
“I don’t know if I’m ready.” It was like the realization opened a flood, and to his horror he couldn’t stop babbling. “I want to do this. I do— everything so far has been wonderful research, a truly one of a kind experience, and I want this. I want you. But I… why me? What if I’m not right for it?”
“There it is,” Josuke responded. His voice was lower, some emotion thickening it. Rohan couldn’t place it. “Why not you, Ro? Don’t you think you deserve happiness?”
Deserve happiness? Of course he deserved happiness. He was Kishibe Rohan, obviously. He opened his mouth angrily, but nothing came out.
That’s right. He was Kishibe Rohan. A famous mangaka, a talented artist, and a powerful stand user, but he was more than that. He was… abrasive. Blunt. Often tactless and invasive. He could be moody, and he knew whenever anyone who personally knew him was asked, it wasn’t like there were a litany of positive qualities pouring off their tongue. He knew he was hot, but he wasn’t what someone would call attractive or charismatic. Rohan had fans fall over the idea of him, but he wasn’t unaware that most people who knew him didn’t want to be around him— more often than not, he just didn’t care. Except with Josuke.
Josuke, the protector of Morioh, who was always shining and smiling even as he threw himself in the line of duty. The manifestation of his soul was a power that healed and fixed things. He was naturally beautiful and smooth with women, and was the type to make friends wherever he went. Rohan couldn’t take him to the grocery store without Josuke making a new buddy. He was, truly, nearly Rohan’s opposite. It was no wonder they had begun as enemies.
No, it wasn’t that he didn’t deserve happiness, though Rohan sometimes questioned that as well. He was all too aware that he was only alive because of the bravery of someone who deserved to be as well. He had survived when so many had not. But in this situation, this moment, it was indeed not that he thought he didn’t deserve joy. It was that he wondered if he deserved Josuke.
“Why you?” He asked softly. His tongue felt like sandpaper. “You’ve been so sure of all of this from the start. You could have anyone you wanted. Why you? Why me?”
“It says a lot about you that you’re only asking this now,” Josuke responded with a slight chuckle. “It’s never going to be anyone but you, Ro. That’s what this means. I want you forever, so that’s why I asked for you. …Did you change your mind?”
Rohan opened his mouth and closed it again. He knew fundamentally that he had every right to, but it had been trouble enough to get Josuke’s mother and Joseph in the same room together. Due in no small part to Josuke’s nature, a small army of people were waiting to watch them be married. Having to tell them all Rohan had changed his mind and things were off would be incredibly awkward. An interesting experience, to be sure… but one he didn’t want.
“Absolutely not,” he answered, his conviction steady. “I just need a moment. You can go.”
Rohan leaned back in the chair, but he didn’t hear Josuke’s footsteps retreating. He looked up where he imagined Josuke’s head would be if the wall weren’t between them, and was unsurprised when he heard him speak. He never could leave well enough alone.
“Why don’t we practice a little? Just you and me.” Josuke’s voice was soft and someone coaxing. Rohan narrowed his eyes from muscle memory, but he listened still. “You know, so you have the experience. Maybe you’ll be less nervous that way.”
“Isn’t that what the rehearsal dinner was for?” Rohan couldn’t help himself from crossing his arms and rolling his eyes. Besides, they only had a little bit before they were fetched to get in their places. They couldn’t do the whole ceremony through a wall, either.
“We didn’t do our vows yet, though.” Josuke’s voice was suddenly closer, and Rohan could tell he’d either kneeled or pulled a chair over for himself. “If you want to, I mean. If you think it might help.”
“Yes.” Rohan sat up straight, a peculiar warmth rushing through him. This wall was pretty convenient, now that he thought about it, because otherwise he might have hit Josuke at this point. His annoying tendency to always know what Rohan needed made his muscles buzz sometimes. But… “I want to go first.”
“You do?” Josuke sounded surprised, understandably so.
“Yes. I do. Give me a minute.” For Rohan, he had written his vows in a more confident mood, and he pulled them out of his suit jacket now. If he said them in this moment and didn’t feel the same as he had then, then there would be no reason for him to hear what Josuke had to say. He just needed to get through this, and then he would know.
“Josuke.” His voice cracked and his fingers began to tremble. He held the notecards tightly, reading without seeing. The words had been engraved in his heart already. “I have faced a number of horrors in my short life. I’ve met a serial killer, a ghost, and dealt with more than a few rabid fans. But you, Josuke, are the most terrifying person I’ve ever met. I don’t know if I’ll ever stop being afraid of you, and that is very, very difficult for me to admit.”
A sharp intake of breath. Rohan turned his head, laying his cheek against the wall. He hoped Josuke could hear the emotion in his voice, but mostly he hoped he could feel the heart in them. Rohan could be called an artist, but being a mangaka meant he was a writer as well.
“When I met you, I didn’t like you very much. In fact, between you putting me in the hospital and then burning my house down, one could say we had a rough start.” Rohan paused there, since he expected people would laugh even if it was out of shock or nervousness, and he was glad since otherwise he would have missed the soft huff from Josuke. “But you’ve always had such an obnoxiously big heart. Even though things only seemed to get worse between us, you never stopped being there. I tried to push you away, but you never gave up. I was completely unprepared for you. You simply would not leave me alone, and I suppose that’s how you weaseled your way into my affections. And now... Now, I’ll never be able to look anywhere else.”
Rohan closed his eyes. He wasn’t sure if he’d ever said anything truer. His gaze completely belonged to Josuke now, it seemed. He couldn’t help but follow him whenever he was in the room, and now behind his eyelids he could picture him. The purpose of this wall was to talk without seeing each other, to not ruin that tradition of not seeing the bride early, but Rohan wanted nothing more than to see him.
“I never intended to be anyone’s husband. But you, Josuke, have always had a funny way of interfering with my plans. And so… here I am.” Rohan swallowed, his eyes stinging, unable to keep from picturing it. Josuke holding his hands tightly, his eyes shining as he tried to keep himself from crying. His Josuke. “I am standing in a place I never meant to be because of your strength and the power of your heart. You carry a lot on those magnificently broad shoulders of yours, and now I will swear to carry it with you. Through sickness or health, wealth or poverty, late nights and deadlines, I vow that you will never be rid of me.”
Josuke didn’t speak for a long moment, a moment Rohan spent uncomfortably nervous. But finally, just when he was going to ask Josuke if he’d suddenly gone mute, he heard his voice.
“I am very glad to hear that, baby.”
Rohan covered his mouth. He could hear Josuke choking up, and it was tugging at his heart strings. It still amazed him so much, the power of words. His entire speech and Josuke’s eight words could make each other feel the same way.
“It’s your turn now,” Rohan said. “Don’t think you’re getting off the hook.” He leaned his head against the wall, entwining the fingers of one hand with the other, closing his eyes for a moment to imagine it was Josuke’s hand in his.
“I know, I know. I need a second.” A cough, a bit of a shuffle, and then: “I’ve been practicing my vows ever since you said yes to me.” Rohan imagined Josuke was scratching the back of his neck and looking off to the side. He wanted to see it. He wanted to see him. “I couldn’t help it. So… I’m not going to tell you not to laugh, but I just want you to know I mean every word, and I have for a while. Okay, baby?”
“Okay.” Rohan was helpless to say anything else. He knew Josuke was excited and excitable, but he hadn’t imagined it was to this extent. To think, all those nights he’d fallen asleep to the feeling of Josuke running his fingers through his hair and holding him close, his fiancé was already imagining how to promise himself to him. It was almost too much. “Whenever you’re ready, then.”
“Give me a minute.” Josuke cleared his throat and more than likely wiped his eyes, and Rohan tried to think of how he was going to guard his heart from this. It was just practice, no one else was there but them, and still he felt himself tremble with anticipation when he heard that telltale intake of breath.
“Rohan,” he started softly. “I have been trying to find the words to tell you how much I’ve been looking forward to this, but I keep failing. We’ve been through so much together, I hardly know where to start, but I know this is as good a point as any. Getting married to you is a new start, a new chapter for us. And it’s been a little scary, but so has a lot of the stuff we’ve seen, and I know there’s going to be more where that came from. But we’re going to be together for all of it. I promise.
“You know, now that I think about it, I’ve made a lot of promises to you. But I think this is going to be the biggest one,” Josuke laughed, a golden sound that sent Rohan’s heart spinning. “I can’t promise I won’t cheat in Cee-lo again, and I definitely can’t promise you that I’ll always do the dishes, but I can promise that from now until forever, you will be my one and only, so it’ll all be worth it. I’ll make it so. I’ve only had you for a few years, and I know I want to keep you, so I want you to be here for the rest of mine. It was a little bit of a plot twist, given how we started out, but I heard a pretty smart man once say that to write something interesting, you have to write what you've experienced.” Josuke paused and Rohan inhaled sharply, his hand flying up to his chest to feel his heart as it jumped. “I can’t wait to see all the interesting twists and turns we’ll get to go on together, Ro.”
Rohan’s eyes were squeezed so tightly shut he wasn’t sure they’d open again. But they did, slowly, his vision a little watery, and he felt the corners of his mouth hurting from his smile. He was suddenly very glad Josuke had suggested this, because otherwise there was a chance he would have cried in front of everyone.
“With you, I don’t think it can be anything but interesting, Josuke Higashikata.” Rohan couldn’t resist using his full name, since it was one of the last times he’d ever get to say it. “I love you.”
“I love you too, Ro.”
Before either of them could say anything else, Rohan heard a knock on his door. It was probably Koichi or his mother come to get him, and from the sound of Josuke’s loud I’m coming, he was sure Tomoko or Okuyasu had been tasked with doing the same for his fiancé. Soon to be husband, since now there was no way he was backing out.
Maybe this wasn’t ‘right,’ or wasn’t what he’d intended for himself. Maybe there was some girl out there who deserved the breadth of Josuke’s love and would appreciate it fully, but Rohan hated the idea of losing. He deserved every bit of this. And truly, Josuke deserved it, too.