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For the second time on that wednesday morning, Mike wondered what was different about this particular day.
He’d had coffee at home while talking to Rachel before she left for work ahead of him. And that’s what they do everyday.
Then, since arriving at the firm, Mike had already bumped into Andy in the corridor and updated him on his last cases. He even gave the weekly little encouragement Bill, their newest associate, needed. He said his good mornings to everyone and got himself his second cup of coffee.
So why was he starring at the calender on top of his desk and had this bugging sensation that he was forgeting something important, he wondered.
Minutes may have passed or just a few seconds, he wouldn’t know. He seemed stuck on a looping of thoughts recalculating his last steps and what he did last night before going to bed. Even the petty arguing he and Rachel had. His attention was suddenly brought back to reality when hearing Donna’s laugh echoating though the hall of the firm. In a matter of seconds, a smug looking Harvey was at his office.
“Hey”, he said. “Guess who’s gonna wipe the floor with Carson Farmatics today”
It clicked then. Something about the combination of the wrinckles in Harvey’s eyes but the still brightness young look that he had gave it away. The sight of the years in his friends face were sutil but there still.
It’s been ten years since they first met.
Ten years since he spilled a briefcase full of pot on Harvey’s feet and the guy decided to hire him somehow. All this years later and they are in a different town, in different positions.
“That’s the part where you are supposed to get excited and tell me how awsome I am”, and Mike realizes he should have said something seconds ago. “Ok, it’s not like this case I’ve been working for the last three weeks is important, right”, Harvey continued, his tone so fakely annoyed. There were little things that bothered Harvey this days. He seemed especially in a good mood today. And for that Mike was glad, but the silence made a frown start to show in Harvey’s face.
“Took you long enough. You used to be faster, dude”, Mike answered and foccused on the papers in front of him, averting Harvey’s gaze. Right now, he wouldn’t know a single word in the documents if anyone asked, but he couldn’t hold Harvey’s look and needed something to occupy his hands.
“Shut up. And don’t call me dude”, he said rolling his eyes. That’s just so Harvey, Mike thought. Ten years and he still hated being called dude. Pretended to hate, at least. Mike felt the childish will to call him dude again.
“What’s next? Got something for me or what”, he asked, hands in his pockets and that smug look again. Of course he wanted another case, even if he already had others on his plate.
Since coming to Seattle with Donna, four months ago, Harvey elevated the whole productivity of the firm. He gave them energy by being his very competitive old self. He still likes wining and wining big. The difference, to Mike, is that now he is in the good side, doing it for the right people.
For a moment, Mike thought about telling him about their mark (should he call it like that?). It’s been ten years since his life changed forever and the only reason was the man standing in front of him with the frown coming back. Mike needed to change the subject.
“Andy has something for you, I talked to him earlier. He’ll be happy to know about Carson Farmatics”, he answered simply. He wanted to end that whole interaction. There was an urge raising in his chest for something that he didn’t know.
“Got it”, but Harvey wasn’t fineshed. Of course not. He tilted lightly his head, eyes showing the big heart he liked to hide. “You alright? Is something going on?”, he asked, a shade of softness in his voice.
Mike couldn’t help but give a small smile and even relax a little.
Harvey can read him like a open book. There’s no hiding from him. Mike could try though.
“Everything is fine. Come here to have a drink with me when you’re finished wiping the floor with that damn company”, he lied easily. Harvey gave him a knowing look, but respected his space.
“Will do, Robin”, he winked and left. Mike mouth was suddenly dry and his cup of coffee had gone freezing cold.
Harvey means so much to him. Everything in his life this days is because of the chance he got ten years earliar. Now and then he reflected on how many coincidences had to happen for Harvey and him meet. It was a lot. He feels a thighness in his chest.
For some reason their ten year mark feels massive. It’s nothing and it’s everything at the same time. They should celebrate, right? Harvey didn’t seem to remember and that’s expected. He’s not the one with the eidetic memory. But again, there’s this bugging sensation that he should at least mention it. It’s been ten years, do you regret hiring me?
When Harvey accepted to come to Seattle he surprised Mike by almost quoting word for word, with little adaptation, the conversation they had for the first time at the Chilton Hotel. He even felt a little emotional. Mike remembers every single thing about that day. It was the start of their crazy journey. There’s this nagging feeling that should be something else to come, a new exciting chapter, like the ten year were the path for something more.
He doesn’t get much done on that day too lost in thought of what they lived in the past decade. And he’s already holding a glass of scotch when Harvey is back.
“Started celebrating without me?”, Harvey asked. He didn’t sip the drink yet, even though he has been holding it for some time now.
“How did it go?”
“You know, I destroyed then and they are gonna pay up a good amount. The usual”, he smirked. Mike rolls his eyes but smiles.
“Good. Help yourself”, he gestuared to the bottle of scotch.
That’s another habit he got from Harvey. Truth is that there’s a lot he absorved from him, not only his taste for scotch.
Harvey is pouring himself two fingers of Macallan 18 when he asks with a skeptical look: “What’s on your mind, Mike?”.
That of course ends all the walls Mike thought he had built to hide how troubbled he was on that day.
“Are you happy?”, he shoots without really thinking. Please, say you are.
Harvey blinks and stare at him. “I like to think so. Or that I am getting there.” He sits in front of Mike, a coffee table between then. “I’m glad with the life I’m bulding here and the work we do, even though things are slower to happen than in New York”, he says.
Mike nods and doesn’t know what to say next. Harvey’s answer seemed cautious. He wants to ask if he regrets anything. When he went to prison years ago, they established that there were no regrets. But now, looking at Harvey in his small office in Seattle he wonders why the man followed him there. He never dared to ask himself that too afraid to know the answer.
“Is this about Tanner’s offer?”, Harveys asks, his hands resting on his knees and a serious look on his face.
Mike frowns and doesn’t say anything. He had no idea of what Harvey was talking about. He was about to ask when Harvey continued.
“Look, I already turned him down and asked him to spread the word that I’m not coming back to New York for now”, he says.
For now? Mike foccus on that part, which he thinks is the worst one, but there were so many red flags on that phrase that his heart starts to beat faster.
The thing is Harvey is getting offers from other firms, apparently. Including Travis Tanner’s new office. If even the guy Harvey once punched has made a proposition maybe there were other offers.
Mike suddenly feels stupid. Of course Harvey is getting offers. How naïve he was for not antecipating that. It’s been just a few months since Harvey and Donna moved to Seattle and Mike never felt better since arriving in that city. The last few months had gone pretty fast and Mike finally felt like things were working great, at least at the firm.
“How many?”, Mike asks with a bitter taste in his mouth. When Harvey doesn’t answer he adds speaking slower and giving weight to every word: “How many offers did you get since leaving New York?”.
His heart is racing and he feels like running out of the room to not have this conversation. But he needs to know. The idea of losing Harvey is settling on his stomach badly. His insides feels in turmoil. That strange sensation early maybe was an alert after all. A sixth sense that caught up on the fact that even thought they know each other for ten years they didn’t always spend this years side by side. They actually were spent a great part of them apart. Mike had changed jobs more than once, had been to prison and lastly had moved to Seattle.
“Nine. Or eleven if you count Louis’ and Jessica’s.”
God dammit. He wants to punch Louis in that moment. Jessica’s offer was expected, even if Mike simply didnt’t think about it until this awful moment.
Harve’s tone was flat and Mike knows him enough to see that his shoulders are tense. He’s not pleased to talk about that. Was he hiding this?
Mike wants to throw up. There’s something slowly cracking in his heart and he’s torn between resignation and the urge to fight for Harvey to stay.
“When did you plan on leaving?”, he asks because he needs to be prepared. In his mind, he decides he’s going to fight.
“I didn’t.” Harvey stands up and gets closer, rounding the coffee table and sitting by his side on the couch, looking directly in his eyes.
“Mike. I don’t want to leave but-”
“But what?”
“There’s Donna. She misses New York.”
Of course. Harvey is after all newly married, even thought nothing seemed to change in his relationship with Donna in Mike’s opnion. Fucking hell when did this conversation changed so much? He wants to ask about Tanner's offer (because what the fuck? Didn’t they hate each other?) and also about Louis’, Jessica’s and everything. He wants to say he can raise Harvey’s salary (maybe, if he begs Andy). But he’s angry and doesn’t know where to start. He feels like he’s walking on thin ice, like this moment is decisive. Maybe it is.
There’s a few seconds of silence. Mike head is spining too much to know what to say. He sees Harvey hesitates and licking his lips getting ready to say something. Mike braces himself.
“If we were to leave, I would tell you. I will tell you right away. I won’t wait to catch you by surprise”. The “like you did” goes without saying.
Mike feels his throat dry. He knew exactly what Harvey was refering to. And Mike did it on porpuse back then. He told him about moving to Seattle on his wedding day, when he knew Harvey would be too stuned to make a counter offer. He would have stayed otherwise. Harvey would have convinced him.
It occurs to him that they have never been on that position before. He is the one who’s always leaving and Harvey is the one who’s left behind. He hates it and wonders if Harvey felt this affected everytime he had left him during their ten years of knowing each other. He can feel his heart shrinking on his chest.
“If you’re happy here why leave?”, he questions getting ready for battle.
“I’m not leaving yet, Mike. We are still talking about it”, he says.
Mike scoffs. Harvey is only delaying his goodbye and that hurts.
“Was that always the plan? Come here and fight for the good side for some time and then come back to the firm or some other office?”, he asks, knowing he’s being petty and even cruel.
He doesn’t want to make Harvey feel guilty, but the words leave his mouth anyway.
Harvey’s lips sets in a thin line, his whole face getting a tired look. It’s a familiar gesture. Everytime they fight about something Harvey gets this face. He looks older then.
“Look, Mike, I’m gonna say this only once. I chose to be here and for now is what I want. If that changes I’ll come to you, as friend, to let you know and then later as your employee to talk about me quitting”, he put a gentle hand on Mike’s shoulder. The touch is like lava, the point of contact burning and weighing on Mike.
Mike can feel his eyes sting. Fuck it, he thinks.
“I’m not used to being the one who has to see the other go.” He feels brave for admiting that. And completly vulnerable. It’s not the first time he feels like that around Harvey. The man is actually the one who can see this side of Mike the most.
“I know”, his words are choked up. “And I hope you don’t have to. I would rather spend the next ten years working together on the same side for once, rookie”, Harvey says with a small smile.
He remembered, Mike realizes with awe.
Mike lets out the air he didn't know he was holding but doesn't dare to look at Harvey.
“Not a rookie anymore, old man”, he answers. He lift his gaze slowly, allowing himself to take in Harvey’s face, comparing mentally how he changed from the one he met in the Chilton Hotel. They look at each other for a few seconds until Harvey extends his glass to click with Mike’s.
“To ten more years.”
“To ten more years together”, Mike completes.
It felt like a vow to both of them. They don’t use the word friendship in their small toast knowing too well that their relationship goes way beyond that. They never talk about it, but they feel it. In his head, Mike thinks maybe –hopefully, maybe– it is enough. There’s a small voice in the back of his mind that dares to think “what if...”. But he ignores it, like he has been doing for almost a decade.
While his heart slowly goes back to beating regularly, he is still terrified about the idea of not having Harvey by his side. Yet, the look of the man –the one who believed in him ten years ago– shows that whatever happens next they will make it work.
To ten more years then.