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Majima woke with Kiryu's arm draped over him like a shield. He knew it was still pretty late. He rarely slept through the whole night.
He could hear Kiryu's soft snoring next to his ear and he could feel his breath tickling against the skin on his neck. He knew he would tease him about how soft he was, but in actuality he didn't mind. He found the arm laid over him to be quite comforting.
It wasn't the first time he had woken up like that. Far from it. He had lost count how many times either he would end up at Kiryu's place or they would be at his place. They had been doing this ritual for months. That particular night they were at Kiryu's. To him it didn't really matter. He just wanted to be with him.
He ever so slightly snuggled his face against the arm over him. He could feel his facial hair scratch against it. He was feeling a little experimental so he let his hand come up to stroke Kiryu's arm. He hoped he wouldn't wake up because he wasn't sure how he would begin to explain himself.
He continued his motions. He wasn't even thinking about it. It was just an automatic response at that point. He thought about how safe it made him feel. He hardly ever felt close to safe so it was a nice change.
He started thinking to himself idly about their relationship. He always told Kiryu they didn't have to put a name on it but he thought that that was due to fear. He knew if Kiryu wanted he could have anyone he wanted.
The thought of Kiryu being with anyone else like that made his skin crawl. He knew all he had to do was tell him they were exclusive and he would just agree with him. He thought maybe that's what he was waiting for even. He wanted him to verbally say he wanted him to be his.
It wasn't that Majima didn't want him. He always craved him. He always needed him around, always needed him especially on the nights where he couldn't sleep due to the nightmares. He never wanted him to go away. He wasn't sure if he would be able to bare it. He snuggled more into the arm over him. He had started to realize the feeling he was experiencing. It was love.
He wanted to smack himself but it was the truth. He liked to think he didn't feel that emotion anymore but he knew that wasn't true. It just got him hurt. It always got him maimed in the end it seemed.
He thought how could Kiryu even love him back? Why would he? He thought he was a disgusting sack of meat who didn't deserve anything remotely good. What could he have possibly done for someone like Kiryu to love him? He thought he deserved someone maybe prettier and maybe someone not so obnoxious. He knew he wasn't the best pick of the bunch. He didn't deserve to hold him in his heart.
His chest tightened and tears burned in his eye. He took in a shaky breath and held Kiryu's arm even closer. He wanted to beg him to never leave him. He didn't even care how pathetic he would look. He just knew he couldn't do it without him.
Kiryu stirred and Majima almost jumped out of his skin. He was so lost in his thoughts he momentarily forgot where he was and what he was doing. Kiryu pulled him even closer to him and nuzzled his face more into his neck. That action alone almost made Majima burst into tears but he tried to pretend that wasn't the case.
Majima continued to lie there and think of all the ways he didn't deserve to be with Kiryu. He thought of how tainted he thought he was. He thought of himself like a feral cat. Kiryu would try to help him and all he could do in return was maim him for it.
He thought of how much he knew about him, but Kiryu didn't really know anything about him. He barely could even tell him his favorite damn color.. He remembered how he nearly vomited after he finally told him that it was pink.
He felt like he deserved to know more about him, but he just couldn't make himself say anything. He thought of how much of a coward he thought he was. He had fucked up so many good things in his life because of how defensive he was. He didn't want to ruin this. He didn't want him to go away. He couldn't stop a tear rolling down his cheek and he knew it ended up on Kiryu's arm.
"Shit. ." He mumbled softly and he went to wipe it off, but the tears didn't stop falling.
He wanted to move the arm off of him so he could cry to himself without risking him waking up, but he pulled it closer instead. He was shaking with sobs and he couldn't even stop them. The only word that could come to mind was pathetic. Fucking pathetic.
Kiryu stirred once more but this time he lifted his head some. Majima didn't roll over to him, in fact he was actively fighting the urge to run out of the room to lock himself in the bathroom. He brought his hands to his face and sobbed into them.
"Shh.. hey, I'm here." Kiryu whispered tiredly and he pulled his head over to he was looking at him.
The room was pretty dark, but some of the lights from outside bled through the curtains. He could faintly see his features but the tears made it hard to see. He tried to speak but all that came out was a pitiful sob. Hearing himself like that made him wanted to punch himself. He didn't want him to see him like this. He didn't want him to see him fall apart. He hated when he had to see him look so human.
"Did you have a nightmare?" Kiryu asked softly and he let his thumb run over Majima's cheek.
Instead of trying to force himself to speak he just shook his head instead. The way he was looking at him as if he was a treasure he had found made his chest feel like there was a brick laying on it. He thought he wasn't a damn treasure. He was a fucking diaster. He was a trash bag that was left to rot in an alleyway. If he wasn't the way he was at that moment he probably would have made a comment about it, but he was too out of sorts to care.
"What's wrong then?" Kiryu inquired and he let himself wipe away the tears that were left on Majima's face.
He grabbed Kiryu's wrist and pushed his arm away. He didn't fight him. They had been in this situation a few times before. He just stared at him and thought of all the things he could try to say. He wanted to tell him he wasn't fragile. He wanted to tell him he didn't need to treat him like he will break into tiny pieces. He couldn't muster up the energy. He just continued to look at him.
Kiryu slowly brought his hand up to Majima's face again. He waited to see if he was going to stop him but he didn't. He let his hand cradle his face and Majima just let him. He noticed how warm his chest was as he cradled his face. He let his hand wrap around his wrist once again but he just held it instead.
"Kiryu-chan. . ." Majima mumbled. His voice sounded rough and tired.
"Hmm?" Kiryu hummed as he let his thumb pet Majima's face.
Majima's lip trembled, but he tried to not sob again.
"Please, just. .don't ever leave me. Please." He whispered and he turned his body turned towards Kiryu's.
Kiryu studied his face for a moment as if he was thinking of how to respond. Majima was almost sick to his stomach thinking of all the ways he could deny him and reject him. He could havw sworn he stopped breathing while he was waiting for him to respond.
"Where's this coming from?" Kiryu asked.
Majima didn't know how to respond so now it was his turn to study Kiryu's face. His eye darted around frantically because he was realizing he couldn't dig himself out of what he had gotten himself into. He almost shot out of the bed and ran out of the apartment. He didn't even care if he was in only his briefs. A man running down the streets of Kamurocho in just his underwear wouldn't be out of the ordinary. He could feel a cold sweat on his forehead.
"Listen, I ain't good with this shit. Ya know that." Majima said and he brought his hand up to rest on the side of Kiryu's face.
Kiryu continued to look at him and he didn't say anything. Majima gulped.
"I. . I was just thinkin' about how. .of how I feel about ya." Majima said and he let his thumb rub his cheek.
"How you feel. .?" Kiryu inquired further.
"I don't want ya to be with anyone else but me. The idea of someone else gettin' to be with ya. .it makes me sick. Ya belong to me, ya got it?" Majima whispered and pressed his body even closer to Kiryu's.
"That's vaguely threatening, but I get it." Kiryu mumbled and Majima smiled from his response.
"I'm glad ya understand." Majima cooed and he left a kiss on Kiryu's nose.
"You know, I've been waiting a while for you to say that to me." Kiryu said.
Majima nervously chuckled and he scratched the back of his head, "I sort of figured."
"So, what, we're exclusive now?" Kiryu asked.
"Why ya ask? Got someone else ya been hittin' up besides me?" Majima teased but internally again even the suggestion made his skin crawl.
"No. I just never thought you would say it." Kiryu said bluntly.
Majima rolled his eye, "well, I did. Now ya stuck with me now."
"Wouldn't have it any other way." Kiryu muttered and he let his hand rest on the back of Majima's head.
Their noses brushed against each other and there was a certain tension between them. They had kissed before and more, but this time was different to him. There was a certain intimacy that he had craved for so long. He was terrified but yet he was running right into it at the same time. He felt like he had finally met someone who genuinely cared, someone who didn't want to use him.
Majima let his hand move to the back of Kiryu's head and he let his fingers tangle into his hair. He allowed his lips to find Kiryu's and he could feel his chest tighten more when he kissed him back. He smiled when he momentarily pulled away then he went back for more. They kissed hungrily over and over as it would be the last time.
When he finally pulled away he left a soft kiss on Kiryu's nose once again. He smiled at him.
"We should probably get back to sleep." Kiryu mentioned and Majima shrugged.
"I probably can. .I feel a lot better now." Majima said.
Kiryu slightly smiled, "I'm glad." Majima allowed him to hold him in his arms.
"Hey. . Kiryu-chan. .?" Majima whispered.
"Hmm?"
"I love ya." Majima cooed and he nuzzled his face into his chest.
Kiryu sighed contently, "I love you, too, Majima."
Majima laid awake for a moment longer than Kiryu just to think over what had just happened. He was shocked by how well it went. He was proud of himself for tearing down one of the walls he had put up so long ago. He knew he had a long way to go but he wasn't afraid. He smiled to himself and he nuzzled against Kiryu. At least he wouldn't be alone.