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Sigrun's sock finally comes lose and she wriggles her toes for a second before hurling the woollen – and slightly smelly – thing trough the room.
“Spit it out”, she says and fixes Dagny with a stare across the table. “You're grumpy, I can practically smell it.”
“That's your socks”, Dagny says dismissively. She wants to tell Sigrun why she is angry – has been angry for weeks – but her casts have just come off the other day and she isn't going to risk her recently mended bones.
Because, telling Sigrun means punching Sigrun sooner or later.
“Are we going to play this game?” Sigrun gestures towards the deck of cards stacked between them but Dagny suspects the red-haired captain refers to something else. She is annoyed and grows more annoyed by the minute as she shuffles the cards, slippery-sticky little paper-bastards that they are, and deals the two of them a full hand.
Sorting through her cards, she notices that Sigrun slides down on her chair and, as expected, feels the touch of a foot against her ankle a second later. She removes her leg.
“Right. Now I know that you're pissed off or something”, Sigrun says. She sits back up again and leans over the table, a jovial grin stretching her mouth but not reaching her eyes, her gaze hovering between concern and annoyance. “C'mon! You wouldn't want me to leave for Denmark without tellin' me? Wonderin' all the time? Right?”, Sigrun wheedles. “Right?”
Dagny snaps. “It's about the fucking mission!”, she snarls, dangerously close to spilling the truth. “I wanted to go, too! But no! Once again you had to hog the only interesting thing happening this year for yourself!”
Sigrun has the gall to look surprised and if Dagny hadn't been seething already she would've started now. Then the other captain's eyes narrow.
“Wait a second!”, she counters, her voice indignant. “You can't blame me for wanting to do stuff that you want to do yourself. We both wanted this mission – doesn't matter who got it in the end, right?”, she asks, justifying herself. “It's one of us going and one of us staying behind, right? The outcome's the same, just basic --”
Wham!
Dagny never hears what basic something Sigrun means. She doesn't question why Sigrun's head is facing sideways all of a sudden and why she herself is suddenly on her feet, her cards flying. She doesn't even care about the fresh-hot pain searing through her forearm.
“It matters to me! But as long as your fat head is stuffed up your ass it won't matter to you, of course!” Somewhere deep in the recesses of her mind the impartial, passive, logical part of her looks at this situation and goes: That went down like a lead balloon and decides to plunge on. Uncurling her fist, she grips the table's edges for support and leans over until her nose is nearly touching Sigrun's face. “As long as you can go off gallivanting in the Silent World you don't care about what people at home think about the risks!”
“Risks? What risks?” Trust Sigrun's attention span to latch only onto the last tidbit of information in a rant. “The risk's not bigger than here”, she declares with that particular grin which annoys Dagny to no end even though she fiercely envies the confidence that spawns it.
“How is it not bigger!?”, she yells instead. Kicking the table aside, she fists both hands into Sigrun's lapels and nearly hauls her off her chair. “There is nothing out there!” She ignores the soft Whoa! from the other captain and how her hands close over Dagny's fists, just laying there, somehow grounding. “No base or town to return to, no weapon smith, no hospital!” Dagny draws a shuddering breath, reaching the end of her list of innermost fears. “No re-enforcements, if things go wrong …”
Her arms are throbbing now and she lets go of Sigrun, who opens –
“If your next words are 'You worry too much' I'm gonna deck you again”, Dagny growls with a warning. Godsdamnit, is she blushing now?! As if adding insult to injury, she feels a tell-tale heat rise up in her cheeks. So much for composure, so much for dignity! Sigrun doesn't seem to notice, though, and Dagny busies herself with setting up the table again, using the time to will her blush into non-existence. Once the table is upright again and they resumed their seats, Sigrun reaches for the cards and begins shuffling.
“Good thing we had nothing to drink, ey? Just imagine … mead everywhere”, she remarks with a chuckle as she starts dealing out and Dagny falls forward with a groan.
“You'll bring that up for years, won't you?”
Sigrun pauses a second. “Naw. 'S no fun teasing people about stuff they really care about. And you care about this …”
Dagny avoids Sigrun's gaze, sorting her cards from one end of her hand to the other while Sigrun noisily draws another chair to her side to rest her feet on it. “We work best as a team”, Dagny says at last, “guarding each other's back.”
“Not much of that happenin' ever since we've both became captains.” Sigrun doesn't look up as she lays down the first card. Dagny watches her through her bangs before she matches with spades, then draws a card as Sigrun switches to diamonds. The air is still, nearly oppressive. They play quietly for a few minutes. Dagny barely manages to reign her words in, now that the first few have been spilled.
“So --”, Sigrun draws the syllable.
“It's not me staying here”, Dagny bursts out, coaxed into confession by Sigrun breaking the unnerving silence between them. “It's you going away.” There. She's said it. She feels relieved for a second before she starting to fret about what Sigrun will make of this confession.
“You don't trust me to do my job?”
The question is so unexpected that Dagny looks up in surprise. “Of course, I do!”, she says. It's ridiculous to even ask this question! Sigrun continues to lay down her cards, unperturbed by her incredulous stare. Maybe her admission got stuck in Sigrun's thick skull before it reached her brain, Dagny tries to explain to herself, half embittered, half relieved. How else is it possible to misinterpret what she has said?
“So, you think my crew will be too stupid for their jobs?”
“C'mon!”, Dagny scoffs. She feels baited into this Q&A-game but can't stop herself from answering. “Trond may be a cheap bastard but even the biggest idiots in the army know how to club a troll.”
“Then I bet anything the trolls in Denmark are the biggest and meanest”, Sigrun goes on with mock earnesty. “Gigantic, house-like, and millions of them! So thick on the ground that one can walk from coast to coast on their ugly mugs without ever touching the ground! All biding their time until they can send me to Valhalla.”
“Stop being ridiculous.” Their game momentarily forgotten, she narrows her eyes at Sigrun. “There's nothing indicating that Denmark is worse off than any other country and your mission's touch-and-go.” She hates her logical mind, she hates all the reasonable facts lining up in front of her, and most of all she hates Sigrun's little knowing smile. She growls in defeat. “Alright, I get it. I'm the one being ridiculous here. Now stop taking the piss!”
To her astonishment, Sigrun takes her feet of the chair and stands up, rounding the table to come to stand in front of her. Dagny leans back to keep her in sight, confused by the soft, warm light in Sigrun's purple eyes. “It's not ridiculous to care”, the other captain says but she undermines her sentiment a moment later when a cocky grin spreads over her mouth. “Still ridiculous not tellin' me, though.”
“Asshole”, she says without heat. Sigrun's grin gives Dagny the strength to relax into her chair, it provides the grounding she needs to accept that her feelings are in the open, now. “I can't help feeling the things I do”, she says in her defense.
“Stop worrying”, Sigrun whispers so softly it's almost a purr. Dagny leans forward. Sigrun does, too. Her fingers are cool on Dagny's skin as she tips her chin up and brushes lips to lips. “Have faith in me.”
It's not a question of faith, Dagny wants to mumble against Sigrun's lips. It's one of probability, circumstance, and chance. But Sigrun takes her hand to press it against her thigh and Dagny's thoughts disperse with a flutter as Sigrun tilts her head to the side to kiss her again, deeper.
~*~