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"You look like shit."
"Thanks, Changmin. You really are my best friend… always lifting me up." Chanhee tried his hardest to fix a deadly glare at the offending fiend beside him, though Changmin seemed wholly unaffected by it. That was probably the result of them being friends for almost a decade, because most people would have ran for their lives by then.
Changmin shrugged, nonchalant. "I'm serious. I know it's almost time for our comeback so our schedules are tight and packed, but you look like you don't even remember what a bed is anymore. When was the last time you slept?"
"I actually slept for five hours." Chanhee sighed, rubbing his eyes. "The thing is, I don't feel rested at all. It's like I close my eyes and I spend energy that I don't have and when I open them, hours have passed and I don't feel rested at all.
"I even took some sleeping pills from Sangyeon-hyung last week, but it didn't feel like it helped at all." Chanhee slumped into his own hoodie, feeling dejected. The bags under his eyes probably weighed more than his whole body mass at that point, but there was really nothing else he could do.
Changmin began showing him some ASMR channels on YouTube, but Chanhee had already tried those. He had tried everything short of putting himself in a coma or mortal peril, and nothing worked. It's like his brain had managed to find a single caffeine molecule and started worshiping it.
“If all else fails, you can always wake me up so I can punch you and then knock you out.” Changmin concluded when they were making their way to the company cars to go home. Younghoon, who was walking with them and having no idea of the context of Changmin’s announcement, looked at them both in horror and concern.
“I’ll keep that in mind.” Chanhee sighed, leaning against the sofa as they waited for the vans to park in front of the building.
“What the fuck did I just hear from you two?” Younghoon interrupted.
(Chanhee starts to back away, because he knows Younghoon was feeling a little left out and wants some of Changmin's attention too.)
“You’ve been cursing way too much ever since you started acting with that Kyungwoo role, you know?” Changmin scolded, as if Younghoon wasn’t older than him. Their loud squabbling got everyone's attention and Chanhee slowly melted behind his friends as they started having a full argument about how age should or should not matter when it comes to being close friends.
He ended up beside Juyeon, who was trying to get a drink from the vending machine. Chanhee noted that Juyeon was trying to push in a rumpled 500 won bill instead of just a 100 won one, so he gently placed a hand over Juyeon's.
"Juy, that's a 500 won bill."
Juyeon blearily blinked down at him, then at his money, before groaning. Chanhee almost let out a giggle at how funny it was, but the dark eyes adorning Juyeon's usual bright eye smile worried him a little too much. It reminded him of what he saw whenever his phone screen went dark.
"So, you haven't been sleeping well these days too?" Chanhee asked, watching Juyeon get two fizzy drinks. He gratefully accepted the apple flavored soda, falling into step beside the older man as they walked towards the newly parked vans.
"I guess you can say that. I literally can't fall asleep." Juyeon rubbed his eyes.
"And yet you're drinking sugary drinks before sleeping."
"Hey, I just figured that since I'm not getting any rest anyway, I'll just have something to energize me even for a bit."
Chanhee reached up to flick Juyeon's forehead. "That's not even a reasonable argument. You're really sleep deprived, aren't you?"
"Enough about me. You're saying you also have troubles sleeping? What's up with that? Usually, you sleep like a baby." Juyeon caught his wrist, gently bringing it down. "New dorm things? Are you perhaps afraid of sleeping alone?"
Jacob ushered them to get into the van first, and Chanhee climbed in immediately right after Juyeon. They settled at the back of the car, sitting too close to each other even if the seats were big enough otherwise.
"No, I just can't rest." Chanhee sighed, leaning his head on Juyeon's shoulder. "I close my eyes and when I open them, it's already 6 in the morning!"
"Have you tried not sleeping at all?"
"That sounds like shit medical advice. Since when were you a doctor?"
"I'm just saying!" Juyeon defended himself, sinking into the car seat. Their quiet banter continued until they reached their dorm, at which point they were still pretty much squabbling with a little help from the soda's sugar keeping them going.
In the elevator, Chanhee still stuck onto Juyeon, who had resigned to carrying both their bags. The rest of the members were completely ignored, even poor Eric, who wanted Juyeon to give him a piggyback ride until their dorm– but he backed away when Chanhee started to (quite loudly) rattle on about the detrimental effects of not sleeping to Juyeon.
"Fine, so what do you do when you don't sleep?" Chanhee threw his hands up, exasperated.
"I watch documentaries. I find objectively the most boring topics ever and just watch… it kind of backfires, because now I know a lot more about chemistry than I ever wanted to." Juyeon sighed. "Did you know that if you mix aluminum with mercury, you can get this ugly looking creature-like, hollow thing that will continuously grow–"
Chanhee suddenly stopped, almost causing Haknyeon, who was following behind him, to stumble and bump into him had Sunwoo not pulled Haknyeon back by the arm. The younger two exchanged looks, knowing that Chanhee usually just loses bearings whenever he's with Juyeon.
(Because everyone else knows what Chanhee hasn't yet: he's a little bit in love with Juyeon.)
"What if I watch them with you?" Chanhee asks, feeling a little spark of hope. "I mean, we still might not get the rest we need, but it would be better to be with someone else while staying up, right? What do you say, Juyeon?"
"I don't see how it'll help us…"
"I said we still might not get rest." Chanhee squints, but he was feeling weirdly excitedly as he bounced on his heels. It must have been the sugar from the fizzy drink earlier. "You are so sleep deprived, you're not even listening to half of what I say!"
When Juyeon grumbled out a small okay, Chanhee made him promise to not lock his bedroom so Chanhee can go in after cleaning up. With that, he took his bag from Juyeon and hurried after Kevin towards their own dorm.
Juyeon caught Hyunjae side-eyeing him, waiting for the younger to enter their dorm. "What is it, hyung?"
"Don't make too much noise, a'ight? You know how Sangyeon-hyung's sensitive to sounds when he's sleeping, and you're his next door neighbor." Hyunjae wiggled his eyebrows, adding, "Make sure you guys keep it quiet~"
The teasing subcontext of Hyunjae's advice went over Juyeon's tired, tired mind. Juyeon merely nodded earnestly, trudging towards his room to get pajamas and wait for his turn in the bathroom.
When he was done showering, Juyeon sat on the edge of his bed, a towel still draped over his wet hair. He kept adjusting the night sky lamp he had, wondering what colors and shapes Chanhee would prefer to be projected on the walls and ceiling.
"Juyeon, I'm here! Do you have an extra socket so I can charge my phone?" Chanhee joined him a few minutes later, dressed in his favorite white silk pajamas with hearts. Juyeon directed him to the socket on the nightstand, letting Chanhee use the few books on top as a stand.
"You smell nice." Juyeon blurted out, feeling heady with the sweet smell of baby powder and having zero energy left to think of anything else to say.
Chanhee blinked, a little slow because of sleep deprivation too. "Oh… thank you, Juy. Do you want me to help you dry your hair? It's not good to sleep with wet hair, you know?"
"I like it to dry by itself and not use a blower when there's no schedules." Juyeon answered, bringing his laptop out and booting it up. "What do you want to watch? The chemistry videos or quantum theory? I had one saved that's like an two-hour video following a family of badgers around in the wild too."
All the while Juyeon was talking, Chanhee had slowly crawled over until he could take the towel still on Juyeon's wet hair. Gently, he dried the dark strands, humming to let Juyeon know he was listening to what he was suggesting.
"Or this one, about a historical dig site in Central America?" Juyeon yawned, melting into Chanhee's pleasant rubbing of the towel on his scalp.
"I want to watch the one about the inbred king of Spain." Chanhee finally decided, noting that Juyeon's hair was dry enough to not drip onto his shirt anymore. "Change your shirt, or you'll get sick because of the wet cold."
Juyeon nodded, getting up to find a clean shirt in his cabinet. He hasn't done his laundry for the week yet, so all he had was a loose muscle tank top. He quickly shucked it on anyway, shivering at the cold temperature of the air conditioner that Chanhee had set.
"Turn the temperature up, Chan." He pleaded, chattering as he turned back around to see Chanhee on the remote.
"Just get under the covers!"
Chanhee was already settled with Juyeon's laptop over his blanketed legs. Juyeon almost dove under the warm duvet, letting Chanhee inch closer so he could feel his body heat. Unsatisfied, Chanhee instructed him to move closer too, until their sides were flush beside each other and Juyeon could hear Chanhee's even breathing.
"The lights are still on…" Juyeon sighed.
"Damn it." Chanhee groaned, pushing the laptop towards the other man as he grumpily got up and waddled towards the switch. He jammed his finger to turn the lights off, then waddled back into Juyeon's bed tp reclaim his spot. "Okay, can you press 'play' now?"
"Um, wait for a moment."
"Juyeon–"
Juyeon plugged his night sky projector on, and Chanhee's complaint died on his tongue as he stared in awe at the swirling mix of blue and pink with countless stars. His jaw was dropped as his eyes took in the galactic view that Juyeon especially picked for him earlier.
"Is it that pretty?"
"Where did you buy this?" Chanhee muttered, still lost at the view. Juyeon, amused, reached over to place a gentle hand on Chanhee's chin, slowly pushing it up so his mouth closes. That earned him a slap on the hand from an offended Chanhee. "I was having a moment!"
"It's on Coupang." Juyeon chuckled as they laid down on the fluffed up pillows. "I can send you the link later if you want. It was on sale when I ordered it, but I think the price will still pretty much be the same if you try to get one now."
(In the end, Chanhee never bought it. He'd just come over to stargaze with Juyeon and use it as an excuse.)
The documentary wasn't as boring as they'd hope, unfortunately. Juyeon got so into the topic that he had paused the video several times so he could google the royalty that were named to be part of the Hapsburg line. Chanhee, on the other hand, was so disturbed at the inbreeding part and kept asking what the purpose of such action was.
"To keep their royal blood pure, Chan. They believed that God gave them the right to rule over others, so they tried to not 'dirty' their family line with commoners or other royals with questionable ancestry." Juyeon explained patiently. "Though it was probably more of them trying to consolidate power and concentrate it among just themselves."
"I'm glad I wasn't born during that time. Imagining having to be forced to marry your uncle." Chanhee shuddered.
"What if they loved each other and it wasn't a forced marriage at all? They didn't know much about genetics at that point in history, you know."
Chanhee leaned back for a bit to glare a hole into Juyeon's skull. "That's still horrible. These two are very, very related to each other. Not to mention their age difference! There is no favorable argument for their case."
Juyeon was grinning widely at how Chanhee was so immersed, but then his lips flipped into a frown when he realized what was happening. "Chan, we're supposed to be doing this so we can fall asleep and get rest. Instead, we're getting really invested."
"Fine, let's change shows. Can you bookmark this one so we can come back and watch it?"
They ended up watching a compilation of tiny dioramas being made on YouTube. Chanhee felt his eyelids grow heavy as they were nearing the third project, but he still feared that he'd open them to see 8 am on his phone screen and having zero energy regained from sleeping.
When he looked up from where he was leaning on Juyeon's shoulder though, Chanhee saw that the taller man had actually fallen asleep. Juyeon's arm was wrapped around Chanhee, keeping him close. Chanhee didn't realize when Juyeon had started dozing off, but it was a relief to finally see him start to rest.
As gently as he could, Chanhee closed the laptop and safely placed it on the nighstand before he turned back around to face Juyeon's peaceful sleeping face. Chanhee traced the sharp line of his nose and jaw, wondering if the frustration he'd feel of waking up not feeling rested again could be outweighed by the hope that he might actually rest with Juyeon's soft snores and warm body heat engulfing him.
"Chan-ah, sleep." Juyeon surprised him by muttering, albeit groggily and slurred. The taller man shifted to his side, facing Chanhee and letting his other arm drape all over Chanhee's waist. "Try."
"Sleep well, Juyeon." Chanhee sighed, content and a little wishful. He snuggled deeper, inhaling Juyeon's musk mixed with the floral soap he used, and finally letting his eyes close. Chanhee expected to have to struggle to stay asleep, as he used to for the past week.
Surprisingly, Chanhee was immediately lulled into a deep sleep; the rhythmic tandem of their breaths bringing him into a peaceful rest under the pink and blue starry skies.
(And in their dreams, they were connected via a brightly lit bridge over a river of clear, rushing water. The cool breeze made them curl tighter, like a lovers' pair of hands holding onto each other.)
|
Chanhee promptly woke up at around 8 am when his alarm, a very loud sound file of Changmin and Sunwoo screaming together, rang. He hastily grabbed it from the charger, having realized he overcharged, and turned the alarm off.
He let his phone drop to the duvet next to him, breathing out a sigh of relief at having stopped the loud alarm from reaching the part where Changmin tries to communicate with whales worldwide. It was already bright out, judging from the light attempting to filter through the blinds of the room.
Chanhee yawned again; he wanted to go back to sleep, but he wasn't sure what their schedule for the day was– wait.
As if in a slow motion movie, Chanhee suddenly remembered where he was. The pink and blue from the projector was barely visible because of the sunlight, but it was still there, coating the room with stars and planets. A tanned, soft arm was underneath Chanhee's head; the other arm was mantled over his waist in a loose but secure hold.
Juyeon.
Said man's breathing was warm and slightly ticklish against the back of Chanhee's ear. If he concentrated hard enough, Chanhee could almost feel Juyeon's lips touching the shell of his ear. The thought made his heart do a whole gymnastics routine, so he didn't dwell much on it.
"What time is it?" Juyeon's morning voice, deeply drawn out and throaty with unuse, fully woke Chanhee up.
"It's 8 in the morning."
"Fuck, we have a photoshoot at 11." He groaned, burying his face into Chanhee's nape. The warm breath that hit his sensitive skin made Chanhee involuntarily full-body shiver– an action that made Juyeon chortle sleepily and purposely do it again.
"Stop that or we're not doing this again!" Chanhee whined. He wriggled away from Juyeon, trying to get up into a sitting position and patting his messed up hair down. "You seem to have fallen asleep earlier than me… did it work? How do you feel?"
Juyeon followed him and also sat up, rubbing at his eyes. "I feel like I've actually slept and I would like to continue sleeping. I think if I continue sleeping like this, I'll go back to feeling adequately rested again. How about you? Do you feel like you just blinked again?"
Chanhee smiled, already feeling lighter. "Not at all; I feel so much better already– what are you doing?"
"Five more minutes?" Juyeon whined, folding himself to lay his head into Chanhee's shoulder. He snaked his arms back around the shorter man before gently pushing them both back to lay on the bed. "You're a really nice pillow to hug."
"Oh, so I'm a pillow now? Huh, Lee Juyeon?"
"My favorite one, yes."
Chanhee was thankful Juyeon couldn't see him redden at his words. He brought his other hand up to start carding through Juyeon's hair, lulling them both into sleep again. It was a warm tone, a soothing cover; and Chanhee never wants to leave.
(Just like that, it was agreed. They would find each other again and share the softness of touch and brave the void of dark sleep together in the nights ahead.)