Chapter Text
Most of Lily's summer so far had been spent at Mary's house, watching the days stretch into nights lamguidly. The sun was constantly scolding Lily's skin, leaving her red and irritated, but she didn't mind too much.
Marey was currently stood in front of the glaring sun, which left the air hot and muggy. Her hair was slicked back in a bun with only two dark curls escaping, framing her face. Rectangular sunglases, tinted a warm orange, covered most of her deep, brown eyes that Lily was desperate to see.
Her denim shorts cut off at the middle of her thighs, ragged and worn. She also wore a tight crop top, which exposed the belly button piercing that she had got on the first day of Summer (when Lily saw it, her jaw dropped and her words slurred into a fumbling mess).
"Lils, you in there?" Mary laughed, waving her hand in front of Lily's face. Her hands were so beautiful. So lovely.
Lily blinked harshly, jolted from her stupor by the sweet cadence of Mary's voice. She inhaled sharply and plastered on a smile, "Ha, yeah. What's up?"
"I was just-" Mary paused and sat down next to Lily on the grass, "Are you okay, Lils?"
"Of course I am," Lily smiled softly, but her voice cracked slightly at the end.
Mary furrowed her eyebrows in worry, "You can talk to me about anything, you know? I love you."
Lily's heart jolted.
"I love you too, Mary," Lily said quietly, picking at the grass beneath her mindlessly. She blinked back the tears that stung her eyes, not daring to look up at Mary.
Suddenly, she felt herself being pulled into an embrace. Mary hugged her tightly and Lily breathed in shakily. It was vanilla perfume, honeysweet and achingly familiar. Mary's cheek brushed against her head and her lips, soft pink lips, placed a gentle kiss to her forehead. Even though the kiss was only light as a feather, Lily savoured it wholeheartedly.
When Mary pulled back, Lily craved more and more (and more and more). She always seemed to want things she couldn't have.
"Feeling better?" Mary asked. She was so much closer to Lily now, with her head buried in the hollow crook of her neck.
"Yeah," Lily cleared her throat and straightened her back, "I'm okay."
"The boys were thinking of doing a beach weekend thing, in a week or so. With tents and all," Mary lifted her head to look at Lily and the loss of touch was both reassuring and devastating, "Are you thinking of going?"
"I think so. Otherwise I'll be pretty bored," Lily shrugged.
"Bored? Of me?" Mary gasped, feigning offense.
Lily rolled her eyes, chuckling under her breath. Mary ended up laughing alongside her and continued laughing even when Lily stopped. Her voice was buttery and smooth, making Lily feel even warmer than she already did.
Heat clouded her thoughts, or maybe that was from the three shots of vodka she drank. Either way, she was intoxicated enough for her thoughts to run wild. Kiss her; kiss her; kiss her. An incessant chant urged her on and she almost listened.
Mary's lips were right there, shining from her sharp tongue, which flickered out every so often. The sun was faintly orange and shined in narrow stripes across her cheekbones and the top of her lips. Oh, her lips.
"Do you want a drink?" Mary asked, quietly and slowly. She brushed a stray piece of hair from Lily's face, fingertips ghosting her skin.
"What- oh yeah, thanks," Lily replied, distracted by Mary, who was stretching her limbs out languidly, all sun-tinted and velveteen skin.
"Be right back," Mary grinned with her lips and her teeth.
Then, she left and Lily stared at her silhouette, until she disappeared through the door. Lily, as absurd as it was, missed her already.
When Mary returned, holding two big glasses of red wine, Lily held her breath. Mary collapsed next to her closely, the wine on her breath gracing Lily's skin, and handed over one of the glasses.
"Your mum will notice all this wine missing," Lily said, gesturing to the glasses, which were filled to the brim, "She'll go mental."
"But don't you want to get wine drunk with me?" Mary asked with a dopey smile, "Come on, Lils, let's live like hedonists."
"Since when did you know such long words?" Lily countered and raised her eyebrow.
"Piss off," Mary snorted. She took a long sip of her drink and Lily did the same, feeling the deep bitterness coat her mouth.
They stayed like that, sun-drunk and wine-drunk, for a while until Mary suggested something that left Lily's stomach fizzling.
"Dance with me," Mary laughed, pulling Lily off the floor.
Her wine glass dropped on to the grass, remnants spilling in a bloody red splatter. Their hands met with a buzzing electricity and Mary wrapped her arms around Lily's waist. Tighter and tighter; closer and closer.
"There's no music, Mary," Lily said as a weak excuse.
"I guess we'll have to make our own," she shrugged and her nose almost brushed against Lily's.
The space between them was filled with questions that neither of them dared ask. Instead, they danced in sweet intoxication. Mary hummed a Frank Sinatra song gently. They were like one of those old couples, who dance under streetlights in the dark in black and white films.
A warm rush of wind entwined with Mary's breath. Lily stepped on Mary's toes countless times, stumbling over awkwardly, but Mary just laughed it off. They kept dancing in a slow limbo until their limbs were aching and they fell to the ground with bubbling laughter.
"You really need dance lessons," Mary managed to say through her laughter.
"Maybe you could give me some," Lily suggested: brave, stupid and reckless.
"That sounds fun," Mary said, words melding together in a drunken slur.
"God, you're pissed," Lily rolled her eyes fondly.
"Mm, no I'm not," Mary said, words slurring again, and Lily snickered behind her hand, "Serio- Genuinely!"
"Genuinely," Lily repeated under a breath of laughter.
"Mm," Mary hummed in agreement and leaned back, so that she was now laying down on the ground.
Lily laid down beside her, staring up at the clear sky, tilting her head away from the sun. When she felt Mary's hand brush against hers, she looked over to see Mary staring right at the sky in a lucid daze. Lily sucked in a sharp breath and grasped Mary's hand. Mary didn't pull away, and instead slowly stroked her thumb over the back of Lily's hand.
"How about we go inside?" Mary asked gently.
"Yeah," Lily pulled away abruptly, "Good idea."
Mary gave her a tight-lipped smile and stood up, slipping her feet into her pair of sliders and gesturing for Lily to follow her. The two of them walked back into the house, leaving their two empty wine glasses behind
Mary's house was small and messy, but comforting. The kitchen was green-tiled with syrupy light leaking through the large windows. The streaks of sun lit up flecks of dust suspended in the air and created shaped on the cream walls. Lily winced as Mary pulled two wooden chairs out from the table and they scraped across the floor. Mary looked at her apologetically and walked over to the kitchen counter.
"What d'you want to drink?" Mary asked over her shoulder.
There was a jumble of distant laughs and screams coming from upstairs, presumably from Mary's siblings, and Lily blinked harshly to get herself to concentrate.
"Nothing alcoholic," Lily said with a one-shouldered shrug.
Mary turned around on her heels and pouted at Lily, poking her bottom lip out and huffing, "You're no fun."
She opened the fridge, which was big and red, and pulled out a bottle of lemonade. From a cupboard, she retrieved two champagne glasses and poured some lemonade into them both. Then, she sat down on the chair opposite Lily with a sigh.
"Champagne glasses?" Lily questioned and raised her eyebrow, clearly amused.
"If I can't have alcohol then I'm at least going to pretend, love," Mary explained with a devilish grin, making Lily's heart almost jumped out of her chest, "So, cheers!"
"Cheers," Lily repeated with an incredulous laugh.
Lily brought her glass up, watching as Mary clinked them together. She also watched as Mary drank the lemonade, head tilted backwards.
"You know," Mary said after a moment, "I was thinking of inviting the girls round. Maybe even the boys."
"That'd be fun," Lily nodded slowly, but her insides tightened. The urge to be selfish and keep Mary to herself burrowed in her mind.
"I think the boys have band practice so I'll give Marls and Dorcas a ring, yeah?" Mary grinned and stood up, chair scraping against the floor again.
"Sounds perfect," Lily said, cringing when her voice came out higher that usual.
When Mary had soon left, Lily slumped down in her seat. She brought her hands to her face and stifled a groan, because it was all so stupid. She was being stupid.
It would be better for the both of them if she pulled away from the hugs and the hand holding and the thin, blurred lines. But she was greedy, so greedy. All she wanted was Mary- whose name was like a mantra, running through her mind.
"They'll be here in five minutes!" Mary called, turning around the corner and into the kitchen.
Whilst gone, Mary must have let her hair down, because it was now falling in tight curls, brushing against her shoulders. Lily really wanted to run her fingers through it.
"Did you notice anything different about Dorcas and Marls?" Mary continued and sat back down with a sigh, "I think there is something going on between them."
"Like what?" Lily asked, leaning forward with intrigue.
"Like, shagging? Hopefully dating though, because I wouldn't be able to deal with the two of them having that whole 'friends with benefits' charade, whilst hopelessly pining," Mary rambled on, but Lily wasn't really listening.
Dating?
Marlene and Dorcas were girls, just like Lily and Mary. That wasn't allowed. Lily had been told that wasn't allowed.
"... So, what do you think?" Mary finished, looking at Lily curiously.
"Dating?" Lily choked out. Her voice was strangled and her throat was tight. She couldn't breathe.
"You're not like homophobic?" Mary's eyebrows knitted together and Lily felt like crying, "Because I swear to God, if you-"
"Mary!" Lily exclaimed, before clearing her throat awkwardly, feeling Mary's eyes burn into her skin, "I'm not- no, yeah- I'm okay with it. It's great, yeah?"
Mary raised her eyebrow skeptically and Lily shook her head quickly, "Really! I promise, Mary."
"Mm, just checking. Most people are iffy about people like me," Mary said casually and took a long drink of her lemonade.
"Like... you?" Lily asked, heart rattling against her chest- beating faster and faster and faster.
"I'm bisexual, so yeah. I like girls," Mary said with a smile.
Lily's jaw went slack. Mary liked girls, just like Lily, and she smiled whilst saying it. As if liking girls wasn't something totally catastrophic and world-ending, because that's how it felt for her. So why was it any different with Mary?
Mary liked girls. It sunk in and she felt as if she had been crushed by a boulder or something. Mary liked girls, but she didn't like Lily. Not in the way that Lily hoped for.
"Wow, I mean- fuck- congratulations?" Lily managed to say.
"Yeah, it isn't like a big deal or anything, but thanks," Mary gave her a tight-lipped smile. To Lily, it did all feel like a big deal.
"That was brave, though. Truly," Lily said, voice soft and soaked with delicate meaning. Mary didn't say anything in return, and Lily's heart shattered some more.
Braver than I could ever be, Lily wanted to say. She wanted to let Mary know that she liked girls too, but it was overwhelmingly terrifying.
A loud knock raps on the door and both Mary and Lily looked towards it with excited smiles. They both stood up and walked to the front door, weaving through the piles of clothes and books that littered the hallway.
Two of Mary's brothers ran past them on their way there, laughing wildly. Mary rolls her eyes at them and carries on, whereas Lily stops walking for a second before continuing onwards.
"Hey, girls!" Marlene grinned as Mary opened the door.
The first thing Lily noticed was that Marlene's arm was snaked around Dorcas' waist. Marlene was wearing denim shorts and a Joni Mitchell t-shirt with her bleached blonde hair pulled back. She also had some of Dorcas' rings on her fingers.
On the other hand, Dorcas wore a long dress, swirling with oranges and pinks which matched the beads in her hair. And she wore Marlene's sunglasses.
"Hey, we missed you!" Mary exclaimed loudly, pulling the two of them into a hug. Lily joined in too, throwing her arms around the girls' shoulders.
"We have a lot of catching up to do," Marlene proclaimed once the hug had dispersed.
Mary led the three of them to the back garden, the air still hot and muggy. They all sat down on the grass, legs to their chests or tucked beneath themselves and Lily watched as Marlene stole the sunglasses that rested on Dorcas' head. Dorcas then looked at Marlene with unimaginable fondness.
"Mm," Mary hummed, flicking her eyes between Dorcas and Marlene in consideration, "So, have you two spent the Summer together so far?"
"Yeah, we've been at Marls place a lot," Dorcas replied slowly, realising that Mary obviously knew something.
"Are you guys-"
"We're actually-"
Mary and Marlene spoke at the same time, before looking at each other apologetically. Marlene gestured insistently for Mary to speak first.
Mary looked between Dorcas and Marlene again, watching as their faces grew redder, and spoke tentatively, "It's only that you too- well, you seem closer. I was wondering if you guys are maybe..."
She trailed off, raising her eyebrows suggestively. Dorcas sighed and nodded, eyes wide and frightened. Marlene placed her hand on Dorcas' shoulder and rubbed it soothingly. And oh, Lily wanted what they had.
"Fuck, guys! That's great, you're so cute together," Mary gushed.
Dorcas visibly relaxed, rolling her shoulders and smiling with relief. Marlene squeezed her shoulder and said, "Thanks, Mary. We were just a bit worried, but thanks for- I don't know- being okay with this, I guess."
"Of course we are," Lily said firmly before Mary could say anything.
"Yeah," Mary breathed out, looking at Lily with an unfamiliar expression before turning back to the other two, "So, how did this all start?"
Marlene rolled her eyes at Mary's love for gossip, but told her anyways, "Dorcas was very angry at me for touching James' arm and after a bit of arguing, we ended up snogging outside of Gryffindor common room."
"James' arm?" Mary snorted and glanced over at Dorcas, "Really?"
"I- well- in my defense, I really- I thought they were dating!" Dorcas spluttered. Lily swallowed a laugh and looked at Mary through the corner of her eye. She was clearly also holding back laughter.
"You thought they were dating? Even though you see the way James looks at Regulus?" Lily said, letting out an amused breath.
"Oh, shut up. Why don't we talk about your dating life, Lils?" Dorcas retorted, crossing her arms.
"I don't have a bloody dating life," Lily huffed.
"Oh, but there must be some guy you fancy, even just a little bit," Mary nudged her with narrowed eyes.
"No, there's no guy," Lily said, a bit too quietly.
"Well, I'm sure we could find you someone. Benji Fenwick is proper fit and I bet he'd date you," Marlene mused. Dorcas swatted her arm and Marlene let out a laugh, "I'm a lesbian, Cas, you know that! I am not attracted to Benji or anyone except you."
Marlene was a lesbian. Lily's heart clenched, her chest so tight that she could barely breathe. She had never heard anyone say the word 'lesbian' as anything other than an insult.
"I'm sure Lily doesn't want to date Benji," Mary said, snapping Lily from her turmoil.
"Yeah, Mary's right," Lily nodded and leaned backwards, digging the heels of her hands into the grass behind her with her fingers splayed out.
At this point, Lily was just staring at Mary (again). Her sharp tongue flitted out, leaving her lips pink and shining and, God, Lily wanted to hook her teeth on Mary's lips and wrap her hands around her long neck or soft hips.
When she finally looked away and concentrated back on the conversation, she found Marlene staring at her with calculating eyes that fleetingly looked over to Mary as well. Marlene then raised her eyebrows at Lily, jaw hanging open, and slowly began to point between her and Mary.
Lily shook her head imperceptibly when she realised why Marlene was pointing at them. She bit down on her lip hard, anxiously waiting to see what Marlene would do next.
"Hey, Lils," Marlene said in a syrupy voice and looked at her pointedly, "Let's go get some drinks, hm?"
"Sounds good," Lily replied quickly, scrambling up and leading Marlene through the door and into the kitchen.
With a shaky sigh, Lily leaned back against the kitchen counter. It poked into her ribs awkwardly, but she couldn't bring herself to care.
"So, you? And Mary?" Marlene asked eagerly.
"No, it's not like that," Lily shook her head in desperation.
Marlene's expression twisted into confusion, "But you look at her like that and she looks at you the same way?"
"Stop it, Marlene. That's not fair. You're not being fair," Lily said. She looked away from Marlene as if her eyes burnt her and took a few deep breaths.
"It's true, I swear. I wouldn't lie to you like, Lils. She looks at you the same way that Dorcas looks at-"
"Stop," Lily snapped, jaw clenched with angry eyes. She ground her teeth against each other, thinking carefully, before letting out a reluctant sigh and speaking softer this time, "Just- please stop. It's fine, Marls."
Marlene gave her another pointed look, which filled Lily's stomach with white-hot shame. Lily sighed again, "I'm fine. And so is Mary."
"I wouldn't be so sure of that," Marlene muttered under her breath, glancing out of window.
Lily's eyes also trailed over to the window, where Mary was with Dorcas and she did look fine. Even from a distance, Lily could make out the dimples in her cheeks as she grinned.
"What the fuck are you on about?" Lily asked, eyes creasing in both worry and confusion.
"Nothing, nothing," Marlene said, taking a backwards.
"Are we done then?" Lily said. She meant to sound impatient, but her voice came out exhausted.
"Yeah, let's just get some drinks for us," Marlene nudged Lily lightly, a friendly gesture, and grabbed four cups from the cupboard. Lily filled them with water, hearing the piper shriek and grumble as the water splashed in the cups.
The two of them brought the cups through to the garden, where Mary and Dorcas looked up at them gratefully, practically chugging the water. A drop of water stayed unmoving at the corner of Mary's mouth. Lily wanted to kiss her again and she blinked suddenly.
"So, we've got the whole day ahead of us. What do you want to do?" Marlene asked, knocking her knee against Dorcas'.
"They're performing tonight- Remus and them lot," Lily pointed out.
"Where's that at then?"
"At the Hogshead. Me and Dorcas are the only ones who haven't had their 18th birthdays yet, though, so we'd need fake IDs," Lily explained and took an elastic off her wrist, tying her hair up in a messy bun. Two thin strands fell out of the bun either side of her face.
"Leave that bit to me," Mary grinned with a playful wink.
"And how the fuck do you plan on getting fake IDs?" Dorcas asked, rolling her eyes.
"I don't, but my older sister works there so I'm sure she'll let you two slip in."
Marlene leaned forward with interest, "Is this the punk sister?"
"Yes she is the punk sister, but no you are not going to leave us alone for the whole night just so you can talk to her!" Mary said, tapping her fingers against her thigh quickly.
"Whatever," Marlene scoffed, but when Dorcas leant further into her, she relaxed slightly.
"This is cute," Mary pointed between Dorcas and Marlene, "But no PDA, I beg."
"Oh, I don't know," Marlene shrugged with a wide, aching grin, before leaning in to kiss Dorcas. Lily looked away from them and when she did, Mary shot her a sideways look, eyes flashing with hurt.
"So Hogshead at 7pm tonight, girls?" Lily checked and the others nodded.
"Why don't we go into town until then? We have," Marlene checked her watch, "Four hours to kill until their performance."
"Sounds good to me," Dorcas agreed, twisting one of her braids around her finger.
"Yep," Mary said through a stifled yawn.
The four of them stood up, bones cracking in the afternoon sun, and made their way to town. Lily didn't join in on much of the conversation and instead stared at the pavement, which was splattered with old gum and tar.
Her mind was racing, trying to take in the overload of new information. Girls could date and they could be lesbians. They could be lesbians and they could be proud of it.
"Lils will want to go with you," Marlene nudged her, jolting Lily from her daze.
"Hm? What was that?" Lily asked, looking around in confusion.
Marlene let out a soft chuckle and repeated, "Mary wants to buy something from that old bookshop, so why don't you go with her?"
Lily's cheeks blushed furiously at the idea of spending even more time alone with Mary, but ended up agreeing.
"Yeah, come on then Mary," she said, veering off the pavement to cross the road.
"Are you going to buy anything?" Mary asked her as they walked together side-by-side.
"When have I ever come out of a bookshop empty handed?" Lily laughed.
"Okay... fair point," Mary laughed along with her.
"Well, what are you going to buy then?" Lily countered. Whilst they walked, she felt her hand brush against Mary's slightly before she pulled away and tucked her hands in her pockets.
"I wanted to get some poetry," Mary said, looking oddly sheepish, "Maybe you could help me pick some out?"
"Of course! I've got a few ideas of who you might like," Lily smiled.
"That's okay. I think I've already got an idea," Mary said and before Lily could reply, they turned to face the shop.
It was coated in thick, green ivy that cascaded down its brick walls. Warm, dim lights glowed through the windows, where old books were crowded in precarious stacks. Lily looked up at the building in total admiration.
When they entered, small bell ringing as the door opened, Lily saw a familiar boy at the counter. He was facing the opposite direction, so she only saw his thick, dark curls and green button-down, but he was easily recognisable.
"Regulus? I didn't know you were working today!" Mary exclaimed and Regulus turned around, greeting them with a slight smile.
"Pandora's off sick today, so I'm filling in for her," he explained, sorting through a box of books that sat on the counter.
"Oh, is she okay?" Lily asked, mouth turning to a frown.
"Mm it's nothing too bad. She mentioned something about Mercury being in retrograde? I don't have a bloody clue," Regulus said and ran his hand through his hair. He clearly picked that habit up from James, as much as he was reluctant to admit it.
"Sounds like something Dorcas would say," Mary grinned.
"That's probably why they're such good friends. Honestly, I feel like they're conspiring against me sometimes," Regulus grumbled.
"Mm, I'm sure they are," Mary nodded solemnly.
Regulus rolled his eyes and leaned forward on his elbows, "So, can I get you two anything?"
"I was wondering if you have anything by Sappho?" Mary asked, cheeks burning red.
"Sappho," Lily repeated dumbly. Mary glanced at her with that same odd expression and then looked back to Regulus.
"Sappho," Regulus also repeated, eyebrows raised with a smirk. His eyes wandered over to Lily with a knowing smile before he continued talking, "Check over there."
Their eyes followed where Regulus was pointing and they walked over. Mary scoured the bookshelves, whilst Lily picked up a few random books to flick through.
"Aha!" Mary exclaimed, bringing out a book of Sappho's poetry, "This should do."
"Yeah," Lily breathed out.
Their eyes lingered together, staring and staring, sea-blue and warm brown. Mary looked at Lily so softly that Lily almost melted. Everything about Mary was so loud and brash on the outside, which Lily obviously loved. She loved the burning fire that never stopped. But she also loved when Mary relaxed fully and let Lily see her.
"Yeah," Mary repeated and Lily thought that maybe she'd be okay. The two of them would always be okay.