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Bakugo never felt quite right with his body and the image he projects. Always feeling as if something was off, something very important. His individual self was displaced, somewhere he couldn't find no matter how hard he looked. He lacked confidence in his looks and how others perceived him as a whole. His facade of emotions and face clouding his judgement at every given moment. He wished he could figure it out, just to get this confusion over with. His thoughts were sticking to him, worrying about so many concealed problems. He wanted to change; that's all he ever wanted.
He looked out the window of his dorm and wished upon the falling star that was surprisingly there. It twinkles and gleams as Bakugo faces it.
He normally doesn't believe in stuff like this, but he was willing to do anything to fix this problem. He whispered his wish to himself, his hands folded, knees on the ground. He spoke into his entwined fingers. His wish would stay silent for just a while longer.
"Please… I just want this issue to go away and never see the light of day again. I'm too busy for something like this, I need to become the number one hero."
He opened his eyes, his hands unfolding. His eyes moistened, but he angrily wiped them away before they could form teardrops that would flood his cheeks.
He stood up and stomped to go get some water before bed. He swung his door open, but remembering people were sleeping, he caught it before it hit the wall. He slowly walked out the door and to the elevator. He pressed the button and waited for the door to open. Luckily no one was in there. He stepped in and quickly pressed the close button.
Bakugo hoped and prayed no one was there to see his red face as the elevator door opened to the 1st floor.
Unfortunately his luck had run out when he stepped out and swiveled his head. There was Shinsou drinking out of a coffee cup in the kitchen. Just great. He debated turning right back around into the elevator, but eye bags must have heard the door open because of course he did.
"Bakugo? Is that you?" He asked the figure standing at the elevator.
Bakugo grumbled to myself, but still answered. "Who the fuck else would it be then, huh?"
Shinsou replied back quickly in defense, "well it could have been lots of other blond people, you guys look the same in the dark and from the back." He raised his eyebrow at Bakugo. "What are you even doing awake? You are usually asleep by now."
Bakugo rubbed his eyes and pinched his nose before replying, "if you really have to know eyebags, I needed some water."
Shinsou rolled his eyes at Bakugo, probably thinking he didn't see it. "I was trying to be subtle, but you didn't take the bait. I'll just ask directly. Why are your eyes puffy and red? Were you crying?" The boy asking the questions saw Bakugo puff up in anger, his face reddening in embarrassment.
"No! Why would you think that! I'm fine, I don't need your pity. I just uh, ate spicy food that's it!" His arms were flying everywhere, and although he usually has amazing control over his quirk, Shinsou swears up and down that he saw sparks flying off Bakugo's hands.
"Hmm alright then, I don't believe you" Shinsou spoke as he finished his drink and started walking to his dorm room.
Bakugo's face got even redder as he stood there stewing in his emotions. He stood silent until well after Shinsou went upstairs. When he thought enough time had passed he decided to grab a cup of water and scurry back to his room. He didn't sleep very well that night, his mind filled with thoughts of change and his talk with Shinsou.
—
Bakugo got up the next morning still upset, his eyebags looking larger and larger with how much sleep he had been losing. With all these terrorizing thoughts his health was starting to decline, and he knew it. He still went to school ignoring Shinsou and his thoughts the best he could, but they wouldn't let go. Shinsou even tried talking with him at lunch.
"Come on everybody knows you haven't been ok lately. You are even more aggravated than before and everybody knows it!"
"Shut up! Don't even start with me, we already talked!" Bakugo grit through his teeth, frustration painted on his face. He didn't want to talk with all his friends surrounding the table they were arguing at. They were already staring wide eyed as the two went back and forth on this private matter.
Shinsou was having none of his avoidance however, "Nobody can help you if you don't let us in on your problems Bakugo!" Shinsou talked louder trying to get the other to see his point of view, because whether he believed it or not many people cared for Bakugo, and those people were scared. They were scared of what he was doing to himself lately. On top of that he wouldn't even tell anyone what was wrong in the first place.
Bakugo snapped, he was done with this conversation. "I don't care what you want to talk with me about, get out of my face you fucking villian." Bakugo instantly regretted it as Shinsou's face screwed up as if he was in pain before he turned around and walked fast to the cafeteria doors, staring deeply into the stitching on his shoes as if they had the answer to why he could have said something like that. He and Bakugo had been getting close lately and even hung out sometimes. He was beginning to trust him and all he stood for.
The cafeteria was silent, as they were listening to the tension surrounding the air. Bakugo stared at the door that Shinsou left through, he wanted to run after him, apologize, and explain every grueling detail of how he was feeling, but his feet wouldn't move, he couldn't even speak, his lips like concrete weighing down on his face. He felt as if he couldn't breathe, he was just so damn angry at himself.
"Bakugo that was way too far," Kaminari spoke softly as if to not anger Bakugo anymore than he already was.
Sero agreed with anger in his eyes. "I really can't stand this anymore Katsuki."
"It really was, normally you insult people, and it's all fine and dandy, but that was plain cruel" Mina spoke harshly to Bakugo wanting him to understand the intensity at which he had just spoken. "I'm really disappointed in you." She silently stood, grabbed her tray of food and walked to the table Momo and Jirou were sitting at. Denki stared at Bakugo for a while longer with sadness in his eyes before standing and walking in the same direction.
That was when Sero stood but not before saying, "You better apologize Katsuki, we all know how much you care, and how you express your emotions. However, that was too far, even for you." He walked over to Izuku's group and sat next to Todoroki.
Kirishima wanted to stay because he knew Bakugo didn't mean what he had yelled, but he knew it wouldn't be his place to forgive him for what he said right away. Maybe once he apologizes to Shinsou he will come by again. He will just make sure to check in on both of them to see how they are feeling however.
So Kirishima stood. Bakugo pleaded through his eyes as if to say he was sorry, he wanted him to stay. Kirishima however refused to look him in the eyes and walked over to where Izuku and his group were sitting. Bakugo watched as the group asked what was wrong. Kirishima was persistent in not saying a word and just gently smiled saying he was fine. Bakugo was getting upset just watching so he looked back down at his food and ate alone.
—
Bakugo sat on his bed after classes overwhelmed with what had happened throughout the day. Shinsou came back late with red eyes and messy hair, he said nothing as he sat down and began his work. Everyone could tell he was out of it however, he wasn't really paying attention and neither was half the class. Aizawa even ignored him out of respect, not wanting to call him out when he was clearly distressed.
Bakugo's mind finally came back to his room and his surroundings. He was thinking when he decided to return any and all of his friend's stuff. Anything from Kirishima's sweater to Kaminari's gaming system he gathered it all into a pile next to his bed. He sighed in annoyance before looking for anything else to grab. He looked under his bed and saw a green skirt tucked away under some books. This must be Mina's school skirt she had been looking for. She had a habit of taking it off when getting comfortable. She often took it off here when they hung out, always wearing shorts underneath. He tugged it out after a few tries and grinned when it was finally free. He took it out and held it up, with a smile bursting with pride.
That smile fell however when he remembered that everyone was still upset with him, but he doesn't blame them because he is upset with himself too. He couldn't believe he would say that to someone he considered a friend. Someone he felt comfortable confiding with. He felt awful, but wasn't sure how to even apologize in the first place.
He stood and brought the skirt above the pile, hesitating on dropping it on top. He had a weird sense of euphoria while looking and feeling the skirt. Maybe because it was his friend's skirt? No that's not it, he didn't feel this way with any of Mina's other things in the pile.
He stared holes into the skirt hoping maybe it would give him the answers he oh so desired. This was starting to get to him, the thoughts crowding his mind, so he did the first thing he thought of, which was taking the skirt and hiding it under the pile of junk. Out of sight out of mind was his thought process through the event.
He turned the lights off in his room, but left the lamp on. He was still terrified of the dark because of his mother hiding him away in closets when she deemed his attitude 'unacceptable'. Which tended to be a lot, after all he was a child with anger and adhd problems.
He layed in bed and tried to wrangle his thoughts to calmness. It was proving to be ineffective as his thoughts ran wild. His thoughts bounced back and forth over and over again, until finally that green skirt was brought to the forefront of his brain. The thoughts of that green skirt wouldn't go away no matter what he did.
He finally had enough as his body ran on autopilot as he stood and practically ran to the pile at the end of his bed. He dug through it and even panicked when he thought he lost it. Eventually he found it exactly where he had hidden it away. He held it up once more before putting one leg into the skirt. He hesitated before putting the other in and pulling it up. He pulled up the zipper on the side, but couldn't get it to button at the end. Mina was very muscular due to her training, but she still had a slightly smaller waist than Bakugo leading to a skirt that did not fully fit. Bakugo eventually gave up and left it unbuttoned.
He paused wondering what the fuck he was doing. This was a skirt, not something a man should wear, according to his mother anyway. If he didn't listen to her he was in for a world of pain. She wasn't here though. So why should he follow her rules? He looked up and slowly walked to his floor mirror in the bathroom. He stared at himself in disbelief at how at home he felt. He really liked it, although he wasn't used to this. He wasn't used to being able to dress as he pleased. His mother took care of all his clothes as a fashion designer. He did however buy clothes out of rebellion that he hid from the old hag.
He stared at himself a while longer before he heard his door open he panicked and ran out of the bathroom, completely forgetting what he was wearing. His blush quickly rushed to his ears as he saw Shinsou staring at him with wide eyes and mouth agape. His eyes almost lit up in realization and he immediately started apologizing.
"Oh my God, I'm so sorry Bakugo I just wanted to apologize for today at lunch, and pushing you to answer me-"
His apologies were cut short as Bakugo physically pushed him out the door with no words spoken. He was still in shock that someone had seen him dressed in a sleep shirt, boxers, and a green skirt. This was surely something Shinsou will tell all of his friend's, they will never let him live this down.
He closed and locked the door as soon as he was gone. He heard a couple pops as he rushed to tear the skirt off his thighs. He plopped on the floor and rested his hands on his face. Propping his body up against the bed. This was the worst case scenario, he could never apologize to Shinsou after that fiasco. This was the end of yet again, another friendship. He felt like a worlewind got in his lungs with how air was ripped in and out of his body. He was getting dizzy as if he had just stepped off a tiltawhirl going at full speed. His palms were sweating profusely and even though his panic managed to set off the sparks, he didn't want nitroglycerin everywhere after all. That was just a disaster waiting to happen.l
The explosions even helped ground him and through the fog he could hear words being spoken. Not words of hatred, or contempt. Not even an ounce of laughter was heard in the voice. The voice was soothing, like caramel melting on his tongue. It allowed his rapid breathing to slow to a methodic normal.
"Hey Bakugo you may not be able to hear right now, or you are just ignoring me, but I do want you to know that if I am right about my assumptions after watching you for a while, nothing is wrong with you." The voice paused, and the final tears, that Bakugo didn't even notice, fell from his eyelashes. He finally took notice that the voice that had been soothing him, was Shinsou.
"I uh have noticed things in your behavior. Ones that are so familiar to me." Shinsou continued. "The no sleep, the preening when people associate you with the other gender. Even your posture, the way your back hunches." Bakugo took his hands from his face and moved closer to the door. his face still screwed up with emotions. "You even gleamed with happiness when Kaminari said you had bigger boobs than Mina." His sweet voice chuckled lightly, without hostility. "Though I don't think the others noticed with you screaming afterwards." Bakugo remembered this, of course he did because he felt so unnaturally happy that a grin almost broke out on his face before he shrank it down to a frown. He will never admit that he wanted to listen to Shinsou's speech. Because maybe, just maybe, the man on the other side of the door knew what was happening to him. "If you ever want to talk about possibilities and reasons, come talk to me Katsuki." Bakugo heard shuffling outside the door, as someone's footsteps walked away, the sound muffled by the carpet.
Just as he heard the elevator arrive he stood. He tore the door open and sped to the elevator. He stuck his arm in the way of it closing. Just as he felt the door squeeze the skin of his forearm, the elevator beeped and reverted to its open state. As he looked inside he was face to face with Shinsou, who had a look of fear, shock, or worry on his face. His mouth is in a slight frown with his eyes wide, and his eyebrows furrowed inwards.
"Help me…" Bakugo trailed off, his ears reddening as he covered it with his other hand.
The stupid look on Shinsou's face was only replaced with another, more irritating face. One that was smug. He smirked as he stared at Bakugo and replied.
"The oh so great Bakugo, asking me for advice" his face however softened as he continued talking. "On a real note Katsuki, I'm really sorry about earlier, and if you do want help I'm here to give it." He looked Bakugo in his eyes, staring him down for several seconds, waiting for him to get the confidence to give an answer.
His mouth opened and unopened many times before he settled on "I should be the one to say sorry, that was really out of line for me to say at lunch, I know that you will make a great hero Hiroshi." He grinned before he finished, his eyes glistening with mischief, "but you'll never be number one eye bags."
He didn't even let the sarcastic bag of meat reply before dragging him back into his own room and shutting the door. He pushed Shinsou to sit on the floor and roughly sat next to him.
"Okay spill what do you got?" Bakugo decided to start with.
Shinsou's words spilled out of his mouth without a second thought, "So have you ever heard of trangender people?"
"Uh yeah briefly, what about them? Get to the point shitface." Bakugo spoke
"Has the thought that you may be trans ever come up?" Shinsou stared at him before continuing in a ramble, his hands going in different directions with every word coming out of his mouth, "it's just that I'm trans and I see so many similarities in that regard I just wanted-"
He was cut off when Bakugo shushed him with his finger in the air, centimeters away from his lips. "Shush eye bags, you can't even give me a moment to think. I only stopped because no, that thought had never come up. With my mom being the way she is, I don't know, she planted seeds of doubt. Ones that said that wasn't even a possibility for me." He bent his neck to look at the ceiling, closed his eyes, and sighed. "After all I could never pick something for myself, let alone my own gender."
"Well, do you want to try?" Shinsou suddenly spoke.
Bakugo looked back at the boy sitting crisscross an arms length away from him. "Try what?"
"Being trans." He said with a serious expression. "Here how about I use some she/her pronouns for you and see how you like them."
Bakugo paused before deciding it was worth a try. "Ok fine. Go ahead."
Shinsou started speaking, "Bakugo is so cool, her explosions are so pretty. I hope we can be closer after this, I think I would really like to be her friend."
Bakugo unconsciously grinned. His teeth showed for several seconds before he covered them with his palm. He had a feeling of euphoria and belonging. Something he had longed for all this time.
"Do you like those pronouns?" Shinsou asked. In response Bakugo silently nodded and looked deep in thought.
"Do you want to use those from now on?"
Once again Bakugo nodded.
"In front of friends yet or no?"
"No!" Bakugo yelled. how terrified she was shown on her face as clear as day.
Shinsou responded with more calm questions "Ok that's fine, well what about clothes? Want to go shopping this weekend for some nice clothes?"
"Yeah let's do that I guess." Bakugo spoke. "But you are paying, if my mom sees I have women's clothing on my credit card she will be pissed to put it simply."
Shinsou nodded agreeing with that course of action. "Ok we will do that then Bakugo, I'll see you in class" Shinsou said as he stood and faced the door.
Bakugo said a small "Thank you" as he walked out the door, and didn't look up to see or hear a response.
She was grateful for all Shinsou had done. As she was truly and utterly starting to understand her true self. Something that she has long awaited for through her trip of life. She was on the brink of discovering the real Bakugo, and she knew she would go far.