Chapter Text
For all I knew I was a hunk of metal.
A burden to the team, always dragging them down. Nobody had said it verbally, not yet, but I already knew.
I'd seen the side-eyed glances, the blaming looks, the loathing in their optics. I'd heard whispered rumors, hushed conversations, rushed sentences cut short when I entered a room.
But I'd also seen pity for their teammates, compassion for their friends, love for their partners aswell in those eyes. I'd heard kind words, congratulations, declarations of love even.
Never directed at me, naturally. I just mearly observed and listened.
I observed as I was always placed last on the clinic list after a battle, no matter how bad my wounds. I observed everyone trying to keep distance, pushing me away emotionally and mentally. I observed as they welcomed new teammate after new teammate, always being treated with the respect I'd never get. I observed as I was slowly but surely left in their tracks, hopelessly trying to keep up in their little society.
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Abandoned at base again, I sat on a stool and waited. I could go exploring the base, it was massive after all. I could go for a flight and explore outside of the base. Now that was something I didn't do often anymore, I'll have to look into doing it again sometime else. I could snoop through the common areas, uncovering secrets and Miko's doodles and odd items.
I never would do anything though. Anything but tinkering, that is. Making simple things and crude blueprints. I was always so very proud of my robots, excited and willing to show them off, but nobody cared. When did they ever?
Bumblebee was praised when he had his characteristic spurts of bravery, ignoring how reckless he tended to be in those moments.
Ratchet was praised for patching up wounds. which was skillful, I'll admit, but rather mundane conversation after what felt like the thousandth time.
Arcee was praised for her speed in battle, although she was built for speed either way.
Bulkhead was praised for his brute strength, when he was quite literally made for it. I always felt as if he should've been praised more for his problem solving, but whatever floats their boats.
Optimus was praised for just about anything he did. Almost died fighting decepticons? "Wow!" "So cool!" "Way to go!!" Almost blew up the place we were meant to protect? "So strong!" "Amazing!" Literally, anything he did.
The fleshies and Smokescreen, despite being new, were praised for agility or quick thinking or whatever excuse the bots could find.
But me? Who tinkers and creates and tries so hard for an ounce of recognition? Never. If anything, I'm scolded.
"y/n where's my wrench!" "Y/n did you snag some energon for that stupid pet of yours?" "Y/n you must stop wasting precious materials in this way!"
Agent Fowler specifically liked to get on my case. I always thought him and Ratchet seemed similar, and if there was one thing g they could agree on? It was that my ideas were mildly stupid at best and idiotic at worst.
I poured my spark into this team, into my missions and into my creations, only to be shut down around every turn. I constantly get left behind during missions, asked to watch the base. But, how dare I occupy that time with something I enjoy, it's a 'waste of materials'! I should be 'more mature!'
Sometimes I wanted to leave this godforsaken team, but I would never be able to bring myself to do it.
Who would expect me, a dumbaft, to leave? I cant get energon anywhere without risking death, housing would be a nightmare in this economy. Primus knows some afthole would try to steal a "nice lookin' jet, all the way out here?" hell, it's almost happened before!
Sometimes I've ended up fighting 'cons on my own for longer times waiting for reinforcements then the battle actually lasts in the end! But when they need eachother to come look at this cool thing they found there's an immediate race to get there.
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The team returned to base not long after they left. I'd sat on my stool the whole time, spotify blasting some human band over my aux cord and wings fluttering idly as I worked on patching up my beloved pet. I quickly cranked my music down to mute as they zipped through the garage doors like bulls in a china shop. All metal and rubber squealing against the concrete floor.
A little spindly creature, spider-like in appearance but with the temperament of a cat, sat in my palm as I worked on them. I'd dubbed them Jason, and Jason had quite a few knicks and scratches in his paint. The other bots just didnt get it and didnt keep a eye out for the little arachnid. Jason was as alive as we were for Primus' sake, but they still decided he was a pest. I'd even heard 'waste of energon and metal' tossed around by Ratchet.
Arcee was the first through the door, shooting me a disappointed glare, as if I was supposed to show when I had been instructed to remain. As if she was upset I didnt disobey orders. Every ounce of hatred she held towards the 'cons, towards anything, poured into that gaze and made my optics tear up in the worst way. What had I done now? I'd stayed in my spot, I had tried to think thoughts that belonged to a loyal autobot, I hadn't even done anything relatively bad in a while!
Sure, I'd made more then my fair share of mistakes when I first joined the 'bots, but I'd tried and I learned.
I swiped the tears away rapidly, not daring to let them linger and fall.
Bumblebee walked in right behind her, shooting me a pitying glance. It wasn't a pitying glance in the way of saying sorry for an out of line friend, it was in the way you look at those dogs in commercials. The ones where they're in pounds and the lady is going on her rant about how "you can help them with just 5 dollars a day" and blah blah blah. I still appreciated that he acknowledged me more, or at least more positively, then most of the bots. Albeit, it wasnt much at all, but any scrap of positive reinforcement mattered to me right now.
Smokescreen carried his head high like he was simply the best, as if he was a prime dare I say. Even as scratches and dents littered his playing he managed to look cocky. I paid him no attention for that alone.
Bulkhead and Ratchet paid me no mind and I them, but Jason was a curious little thing. They craned out of my palm, legs stiff and straining as best they could without falling. Either to the floor or into my screwdriver, still poised and ready to use.
Optimus came in last, hauling himself and his trailer through the doorway much more sluggisly then everyone else. Even taking the time to deposit the three fleshies onto the floor. Jack, Ralph and Miko had barely touched the concrete ground before Optimus began to rapidly transform. By the look on his face alone I could tell the battle sucked aft.
"Autobots, and humans, you all did well out there. You fought hard and brought many 'cons to justice. I only hope that there will be a day where they see the ridiculousness of their ways and change. Until then, you are dismissed."
As he spoke I turned my back towards the group, mocking the speech he always gave at the end of battles. It was repetitive, empty and borderline annoying. Add that to my long list of reasons I want to leave.
And with that, they all dispersed. All except Optimus. I assumed he would just be snagging a alare part or some energon and be on his way, but I was quickly proven wrong.
"Ah, y/n and.. I'm sorry I appear to have forgotten your creature's name again."
I snapped my head to the side and gave him the side-eye. "Jason." I spat out, the word stung like a snake bite, but I suppose Optimus favored to ignore the tone.
"Ah yes, Jason. I'm sorry to stick around but not having you on the battlefield was detrimental. We almost lost the energon source. Next time, if you wouldnt mind accompanying us it would be greatly appreciated."
I was fragging seething at those words. He had asked that I stay behind to, and i quote, "man the base." I wanted to launch out of my chair and tear out his spark then and there, but just barely managed not to. This team was a team of hypocrites anyways, there's no reason to get too upset just yet.
Jason seemed to sense my distress, rage even, and was quick to act, tapping my palm clamly to get my attention before dramatically raising and lowering his body to symbolize intakeing and exhaling. I matched his rhythm and began to calm when Optimus spoke again.
"Y/n?"
I'd glanced up to notice he had moved. From where he was crouching near the ground inspecting a wrench moments ago he was now inspecting energon rations. I respond with a simple "yes, sir." and a nod, hoping it would suffice. If I said anything more I knew I would implode like a dying star, full of rage in a explosive blast, ready to destroy.
"Excellent, I hope it doesnt come to it, but we are lucky to have a bot like you who's so ready to help," as he spoke, he grabbed a energon cube from both his and ratchets cubbies, "well, I suppose that'll be all. Good evening!"
He had been halfway out the doors across the room with the two cubes before he turned to talk over his shoulder at me.
"Oh, and I have been requested by Agent Fowler to ask you do not use up so much material on.. pardon I've forgotten their name again- Jason! Anywho, adieu y/n, rest well!"
And just like that he was gone, and my blood began to boil even more then before. If Fowler had a problem with me why bot bring it up himself? Are all fleshies this cowardly, or just him?
Hes got his own head so far up his aft it's hard to tell.
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Despite how it had been dark when they returned home, it had taken for ever for everyone to get settled. Let alone fall I to recharge.
The moment it was late enough that i could safely assume everyone was down for the count tonight, I jumped out of bed. Well, metaphorically. I climbed out of bed, my pedsteps hitting gently on the floor. I glanced over and checked my clock, the red lights displayed 2:47. I had plenty of time, about 3 hours, before the sun rose. I made my way out of my berth room and through the winding halls. The sound of metal against concrete fit right in with the creaking of pipes and was muffled under Bulkhead's snores as I made my way back to the garage.
I'd done all my chores during the day, which I hated with all my spark, just so I could do this tonight. I snuck out the garage door, glancing around before pulling open a side door, and transformed. I began taking off into the night sky as silently as possible. I'd be back before morning, I was sure of it.